


Solitaire

by blackcatspinel



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abandonment, Abandonment Issues, Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Action, Aged-Up Character(s), Aged-Up Steven Universe, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Attempted Murder, Attempted Sexual Assault, Awkward Crush, Awkward Flirting, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Cheating, Clinginess, Close to Canon, Codependency, Cuddling, Delayed but Someday, Desperation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Drama, Dreams, Emotional Manipulation, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Tale Retellings, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Angst Balance, Friends to Lovers, Guilt-tripping, Hate to Love, Hiatus, Holding Hands, Hugging, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Infantilization and Demeaning Behavior, Infatuation, Jealousy, Kissing, Loneliness, Lost Childhood, Love/Hate, Making Out, Making Up, Manipulation, Mental Instability, Mixed feelings, Multiple Personalities, Nightmares, Non-Chronological, Non-Sexual Bondage, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, One Year Later, One-Sided Attraction, One-Year Time Skip, Original Flavor, Original Universe, Other Trigger Warnings, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Please Don't Hate Me, Plot Twist, Possessive Behavior, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Dynamics, Princes & Princesses, Revelations, Revenge, Romance, Rough Kissing, Royalty, Self Harm, Self-Harm, Sex, Sharing a Bed, Singing, Smut, Time Skips, Toxic Relationships, Toxicity, Trauma, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, Violence, [Currently Proofreading], [I wrote 86 chapters on my phone fml], [Pls leave comments! so I have a will to continue lmao]
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:27:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 87
Words: 266,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24791575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackcatspinel/pseuds/blackcatspinel
Summary: Spinel puts a hand over her face and starts cackling manically at the realization. “Hah. I... I really am in love with you...!”She says as she stares directly to the ground, dropping her scythe after holding it against Steven’s neck. The metal clanks against the battlefield floor. He stares at her, dumbfounded.—Spinel and Steven had simply been taking a stroll across the battlefield, until Spinel suddenly becomes violent and attacks Steven.After reuniting with his best friend, worst enemy Spinel a year after his departure from Beach City, Steven Universe finds himself playing another game with Spinel— the seemingly never-endingSolitaire, a game of chance among four suits: the Heart, the Spade, the Clover, and of course... the infamous Diamond.Are you ready to play?If so...Ready or not, let’s begin!♡ ♤ ♧ ♢
Relationships: Spinel & Steven Universe, Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 740
Kudos: 332





	1. Happily Ever After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The “first” chapter to Solitaire, but it’s not actually the first event to occur. This chapter just serves as an introduction to the fic so you get a feel for Steven and Spinel’s relationship and my style of writing. This story has a few non-chronological segments, as there are a series of flashback chapters. 
> 
> ☆ Post-Canon  
> ☆ One Year Later (Steven has returned to Beach City and is about to turn 18)  
> ☆ Canon Compliant  
> ☆ Original Universe + Original Flavor  
> ☆ Themes: Action, Romance, Fluff, Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Family, Violence, Drama, Smut, Mental Illness, Trauma.
> 
> Enjoy!

Spinel puts a hand over her face and starts cackling manically at the realization.

“I... I really am in love with you," she says as she stares directly to the ground, dropping her scythe after holding it against Steven’s neck. The metal clanks against the battlefield floor. He looks directly at her, dumbfounded.

“...What?!” said Steven, panting after fighting Spinel. She had just had a psychotic outburst after the two had talked, and he suddenly attacked her.

Steven lookedat her from the floor, sweating, covered in scratches and blood.

“I.... I don’t know how. It’s funny, isn’t it? You devote ya’ whole life ta’ her, and she treats you like dirt and throws ya away like a ragdoll. Forcin’ you to live a life of loneliness, making ya feel worthless. Damaging you. Scarring you. You can never go back from that. Who could love someone like that? Of course I had no choice but to hate her. So ya vow to kill ha’ son in revenge, who’s probably exactly like her, to make it all betta...” she mutters to herself.

A pause.

“But he’s nothin’ like her ugly self, and ya fall desperately in love wit’ him instead.”

Steven grunts, lifting himself up. Yet he wasn’t strong enough to get himself off the floor, and instead looks at Spinel in disbelief. “...Huh? No, no. That’s ridiculous! That’s ridiculous. It’s all crazy talk,” says Steven, trying to convince Spinel to snap out of it. This is just another one of her pranks, right? He starts panicking a bit. 

“It ain’t.” Tears start pouring out of Spinel’s eyes as her face scrunches up. Her knees fall to the ground as she starts to think of Steven, picturing him as memories of him flash through her mind. “You’re just so adorable, with ya fluffy hair and sweet smile. And your giggles... I-I.. love making you laugh. You’re so silly and playful, just like her...” she smiles to herself. “And, and despite your pudgy lil’ stomach,” she says in a sing-songy way, “you still have such a toned body. You’re just so strong, and brave, and powerful. And you’re so tall! And your voice, oh your lovely voice, and your warm hands, holding mine. And I love it when you get all mad and annoyed when I poke ya buttons, it’s so cute. And, and—“ Her hands clasp each other as she tries to comfort herself. She’s clearly trembling. 

Steven stays silent, watching her as she rambles endlessly. She... really had fallen for him.

“... But you’re just a teenage boy. And I’m six thousand years older than you,” realizes Spinel. “Oh, I’m such a _fool_ ,” she brings a palm to her forehead. “To think a human boy could feel anythin’ fo’ me, ‘specially afta I tried to kill him and his friends!” her voice pitches and her cries become hysterical; she scratches her cheeks, worsening the scars on her face. Steven draws closer to her, wanting to calm her down, but he doesn’t reach her.

“You have ya friends and ya life here in Beach City, and ya girlfrien’. You’re so young and ya got ya whole life ahead of you. Your beautiful family. 

I tried so hard to ruin your happily eva’ afta... only for you to become mine.” She gazes at him. “You’re... my happily ever after.” 

There’s a silence. Steven tries to piece everything together in his mind. 

“You gave my life new purpose. I thought killing you would satisfy me, give me closure and end my sufferin’. I smiled at the thought of you dead. Killin’ you was the only way I could get revenge on her, her precious son. _That_ was the Happily Ever After I envisioned for me.” 

“When I saw your lil’— _message to the universe_ ,” she winces, “I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was so angry to see her back, back as you. Hearing about her... her other friends. The life she lived without me. That nowhere planet. That lil’ “game” she played with the Diamonds. The pain she had caused Homeworld. The pain she caused me,” she scowled. “But as you smiled at the camera, holdin’ your hands to yer’ chest, so happy with yerself and your new life, I thought... he sure is cute!” she chuckles pitifully, wiping the tears and snot off her face. “Pathetic, aren’t I? I couldn’t help it, really.” She hums a bit. “Your lovely voice... your hands on mine. Your warm touch, your handsome face... I tried to resist, knowing that fallin’ for you was ridiculous. I know it’s because I’m lonely after being isolated for so long, but still...”

“I hated your mother and you so, so, so much— why would I!?” She says in disbelief, her heart racing as she raises her voice. Steven averted his gaze, but Spinel calmed down. “But you really did become my happily ever after, didn't you Stevie. Even when your mother never cared for me, you were the only one who did. You treat me betta. You’ve given me hope. Inspired me ta become a betta person. Helped me grow from the... the embarrassing _wreck_ I was back then.”

“I just wanted to be your friend. That’s all I wanted, I swear! But...” she pauses. “Now I wanna be... somethin’ more.”

They looked away from each other, sitting still for some time. 

“...Do you like me too?” Spinel’s voice cracked after a few moments, staring directly at him. She fiddled with her thumbs, blushing. Her sour face no more. 

Steven didn’t know what to say or how to react. He was speechless. A few minutes ago they had been talking normally; everything seemed fine, but she suddenly had an outburst and reacted violently towards him, reminiscent of her former self. Suddenly, her blade was on his neck, and they were both on the floor. The two had been connecting the past few months, with Steven teaching Spinel about the Earth, helping her assimilate into life in Beach City. She had healed and grown so much. Everything was going great! There were a few bumps along the way, but he never realized she felt this way all along— he always thought her hand squeezing and hugs were just her being playful and capricious, nothing more. And, and...

And _Connie_. He loved Connie. His girlfriend. He couldn’t abandon her. Connie understood him more than anybody, and was the closest thing to an escape from his Gem life. His father, the gems, ALWAYS brought the conversation back to Rose, Pink, his mother— how he reminded him of her, his destiny— but Connie always saw him as just Steven. Just Steven. He loved how intelligent and focused she was, how strong and capable she was, and Stevonnie... there’s nothing he loved more than being Stevonnie with her. Nothing he loved more than BEING her. He was so excited to start a new life with her happily married, but... 

“I... I’m sorry,” he gulped. Despite Connie rejecting him, he just couldn’t give her up. She knew how important her future was for her. Although two years had passed since she rejected his proposal, the two still talk and text from a distance while she’s in college. 

Steven was afraid Spinel would try to hurt him again, so he braced for the worst, bringing an arm to his face in defense. He had to let it out. He just couldn’t reciprocate, especially after everything she’s done to him and his friends. The violence he saw in her. Her explosive personality. The wounds and scars she gave him. Her immaturity and recklessness. Her dependency on him. His trauma. “I just don’t... feel the same way.” 

“I know,” sighed Spinel. “Just thought I’d let ya know, haha.” She scratched her stomach. 

“Put your arm down, I’m not gonna hurt ya anymore.” 

Steven obeys with a stern face, knowing she won’t.

_I know I’m a monster to you_ , she thinks to herself.

“You don’t wanna be friends anymore, do you?” she asks, wrapping her arm around herself. She brings a hand up to her face, biting her glove anxiously. “Am I just not good enough?”

“No! No. Of course not, Spinel. I still want to be your friend.” He reaches a hand out to her.

“Best... friend?” she whimpers. 

“Yes! Yes.” he exhales, relieved to see that she’s calmed down and come to her senses. “Exactly! Best friends, woohoo. You got it!” He says, trying to release tension.

Spinel scooches closer to him, a subtle smile forming on her face. “R-really?”

“Yes. I want to be friends. I won’t abandon you like my— like she did. I’ll take care of you. You can start a new life! With me. We can begin again. Together.”

The two sit next to each other.

“You... you really are my happy ending. You’ve replaced all the bad memories I had a her,” she says quietly. 

A tear rolls down Spinel’s cheek. She suddenly starts to hum, leaning against him. She reaches for his hand.

“T-Today, s-somewhere... somehow,” she mumbles. 

He tightens his grip on her to assure her that he’s there for her. He’s determined to help her, even if it’s not in the way she hopes. 

“I’ll l-love a-gain... mmn...

I.. nghr.. just need to— find s-someone.” She chokes a bit as she sings, drowning in her own tears and mucus. 

Despite the fact that she’s smiling, Spinel continues to sob. So much so she begins to hiccup. Steven looks down at her, slowly wrapping an arm around her; the bags under his eyes visibly deeper. He’s just so tired— he thought after establishing peace across the galaxy that this would all be over, but it’s not. 

At last, she buries her dirty face in his neck, admitting defeat. Steven finally sighs in exhaustion, his face saddened as he looks across the damaged battlefield. 

“You will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solitaire is my first fanfic ever. I’m in love with Stevinel, and I felt that there wasn’t enough fanfiction, so I thought I’d start my own as a quarantine project. The first chapter will serve as an introduction to the fic, setting the tone of the story and showing the nature of Steven and Spinel’s relationship.
> 
> A few disclaimers: this takes place a year and a half after the events of Steven Universe F, and Steven is 17, soon to be 18. While Connie’s away at college, who started early, Spinel will be staying with Steven as the Diamonds have important intergalactic duties to attend. Other than that, this will be pretty close to canon, except that Connie started college early in the summer.  
> Spinel’s attraction to Steven will definitely be unrequited at first, but soon I will write Steven developing feelings for her.  
> Thanks in advance for any comments or kudos! Please know they motivate me to continue. Enjoy. :3
> 
> P.S. I just wanted to clarify that I’m trilingual, and am fluent in Spanish and pretty advanced in French, so if you leave me a comment in those languages I can understand and reply back! ^__^ <3


	2. The Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A prologue to my series: how Spinel found her way back to Earth.

“Bye Pearl! Bye Garnet! Bye Amethyst!” waves Steven as he walks out the beachhouse door, carrying his cheeseburger backpack. He was going to spend a day at the boardwalk after finally returning home. 

A year ago he had left Beach City on a roadtrip, to find himself— and now he’s finally returned at the age of 17. A bit taller, a bit thinner, but the same Steven nonetheless. He wasn’t changing any time soon.

“Well, well, well! If it isn’t Steven Universe!” shouts Spinel, who leaps off the roof. 

“Huh?! Spinel?! What are you doing here!?” He unravels his shield and covers himself— a force of habit at the sight of her. He... still wasn’t used to her new, redeemed self— still having nightmares about her horrible actions. 

“The Diamonds... they have a series of... intergalactic duties to attend to, and will be away for months. Sooo, instead a returnin’ ta boring ol’ Homeworld, I decided to come back ta’ Earth an’ take a vacation ta  see my fav Universe!” she says happily. 

Steven sighs as his shield closes itself and disappears. 

“Spinel, where are you even going to stay?” he asks. 

“Why, with you, of course!” she clings onto him. He didn’t like where this was going. What if this is all an assassination plot, and she’s trying to kill him again? Despite making amends, he still had trouble trusting her. He had seen her a few times at Homeworld, and she was becoming _way_ too friendly lately. It was getting suspicious. 

But... he was kind of bored without Connie. With the Gems rebuilding Beach City and forming Little Homeworld, and Connie off to college early, Steven couldn’t help but feel a bit lonely. He recalls he did promise Spinel they’d be best friends, albeit begrudgingly. Maybe this is the opportunity to work on their friendship? 

“Please, please, please, _please_ , Steven— I know I messed up big time with you, b-but I’m so much better now, I swear! It’s just that you neva’ called, you never wrote, and I just wanted to see how my best friend Steven Universe was doin’!” she raises the pitch of her voice, pleading— weighing him down.

Steven gets a rush of anxiety at being touched so aggressively like that— but he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment. Okay, fine. 

“I... sure? You can stay.” he scratches the back of his head, and clears his throat.

“Yippeeeee! I’m so excited!” she grabs him and lifts him up, wrapping her arms around him. 

“Woah, woah!” shouts Steven; he feels like he’s about to fall.

“Whooops. Forgot ya didn’t like that, heheheh!” she puts him down. 

Steven pants. Was this what it was gonna be like all the time? 

Steven goes back inside, bringing Spinel with him. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are at the table discussing something. 

Amethyst points at Spinel and stands up. “What are YOU doing here?!” she summons her whip. 

“Amethyst no!” he shields her. “It’s just Spinel, she’s fine now, remember?!”

“Suuuure,” moans Amethyst. She wasn’t gonna take any chances after her little stunt a year ago. But she follows along anyway, returning her whip to her gem. 

“Wh-why, hello, Spinel!” Pearl says awkwardly, trying to be enthusiastic for Steven. “We didn’t expect you here. What brings you back to um, Earth?” 

“My Diamonds,” she transforms her arms into a triadic diamond insignia, “are currently on a diplomatic mission to other liberated colonies. They said I could take a break, so I decided ta’ come here!” she smiles, peering at Steven. 

“To visit my Best Friend!” she giggles to herself. 

“Just don’t make a mess,” says Garnet as she heads into the temple.

Amethyst stands up, grabbing a soda from the fridge before leaving too.

“Yes! Well, make yourself at home, and um...” Pearl tries to come up with an excuse, “Oh! I forgot I need to do groceries for Steven and Amethyst. The fridge is so empty!” 

The fridge is full. 

Pearl laughs awkwardly, and heads out the door. Amethyst is gone too. “Bye!” It slams. 

The house is empty, and it’s just the two of them. Spinel looks sad.

“They...” she begins to tear up.

“I’m sorry, Spinel, they’re just difficult to warm up to! I’m sure ne—“

“LOVE ME!” _Huh?_ Before Steven can react, Spinel is doing somersaults around the house. She seems ecstatic to be here.

“Oooh, let’s go ta ya room!” she rushes up the stairs. 

“H-hey, wait up!” pants Steven. 

Spinel slows down as she enters his room, just as she remembered it. She sits on the soft, fluffy bed. 

“Ah... that’s my bed,” he comments.

“What’s this thing fo’ again?” she inquires.

Right. Alien. “It’s for sleeping. That’s where humans go to sleep. But... gems can sleep too!”

“They can?” she gasps.

“Yeah! Amethyst pretend-sleeps all the time. You just lay down, and close your eyes.” Steven lays down, exhausted. Hanging out with Spinel really drains his energy. He can’t really keep up with her energetic personality. 

He closes his eyes. “Like... this.”

Spinel follows. They lay quiet for a few minutes, but Spinel opens one of her eyes as she fails to sleep. “Am I doing it right? Is this another game? Are you gonna abandon me like Pink?!”

Steven’s fast asleep. He lets out a light snore.

“Hmm...” Spinel leans to the side to take a closer look at the resting Steven. He had never seen him unconscious like this before. She had always seen him as a menace, but he actually looks harmless and innocent right now.

“Boop!” she boops his nose in hopes he wakes up. He grumbles a bit and twitches, but remains asleep nonetheless. 

“Well he... is kinda cute,” Spinel stares at him, observing his sun-kissed freckles and his reddish cheeks. She’s on the bed, hovering over him, playfully swinging her back legs back and forth in curiosity. She draws her hand closer to him to touch his soft hair, but before she can he suddenly groans and moves to side. Spinel sighs.

As Spinel’s vision focuses to other parts of his room, she notices a frame with Connie’s face on it. She frowns.

“He’s mine.”


	3. Vengeful Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel train together at the battlefield.

“Here, do it like this,” says Steven as he glides his hands across Spinel’s arms, correcting her stance. 

It’s early in the morning, and the pair are training in the battlefield. Even though Steven had established peace among the cosmos and was free of any danger, he still felt it was important to train. He had to be prepared for any attack! 

Spinel blushes at his touch. She had been staying in his house— and his planet— for a week after leaving the Diamonds. 

“Ready to play?” he smiles.

“Ready when you are,” she smirks.

The two stand on opposite ends of the battlefield, and the two begin play-fighting. Steven summons his shield from his gem, while Spinel draws her new, recreated, scythe from her own.

Spinel rushes at him with her blade, hitting his shield repeatedly. Steven summons his bubble-gloves, and aims to punch her, but she defends herself multiple times. She punches and kicks at his shield, trying to break it in frustration. _Ugh! Why isn’t it breaking!_

Spinel bounces back, and Steven aims her shield at her, throwing it like a frisbee. Spinel dodges and stretches away. “Is that all ya got?” she grins. 

Suddenly, Spinel feels something hard knock the back at her head. “Ow!” she cries, rubbing the injured spot. It was the shield, which had returned to Steven’s hand! “Why, you little—“

Spinel runs to the nearest pole and twists her body around it multiple times; she unwraps herself and flings her body at Steven. He raises his shield, but Spinel manages to break through it anyway with her strength. 

“Wh-whoa!” yells Steven. Spinel tumbles over him, and they roll across the battlefield. 

Finally they come to a halt, and Spinel lies on top of his stomach. She raises herself, and she’s sitting on Steven, her legs on opposite sides of his body. He faces her, confused. “...Spinel?”

Spinel is staring right at him. “Spinel?” he asks again, uncomfortably. Her heart races, and her breathing becomes louder. Spinel’s feelings are conflicting, and she isn’t sure if she wants to punch him or kiss him right now. She’s... still so mad about everything. All the things she did to her. All the time that was wasted.

Spinel face turns to anger, and she becomes aggressive— her vengeful thoughts from before resurfacing.

Spinel lifts her arm, ready to punch Steven— 

Why does she still have these thoughts? She thought she didn’t get them anymore.

but she pauses and lets go. She sighs as she puts her hand down. Steven looks relieved, but petrified.

Suddenly Spinel snaps out of it, realizing the position she’s in. Her face flushes bright pink. “Oh, drat!” She dramatically lenghtens her arms and legs, that way she’s inches above the ground. She quickly retracts her limbs and returns to the floor. 

“S-Sorry.”

”I’m, mmn,” she tries to hide her embarassment, burying her chin in her neck. “sorry. I’m sorry.” She avoids meeting his eyes.

Steven stares at her with disappointment. He thought she’d changed. 

Spinel w alks towards Steven, who’s still on the floor, and extends her hand. He grabs it, hesitantly, and he pulls himself up. 

Spinel looks down at the floor, ashamed of her actions. Why... why did she want to hurt him so bad? Even after all this time?

”It’s okay, Spinel,” Steven holds both her hands in reassurance. He knows she’s having trouble adjusting to living with him. Spinel looks up at him. She looks at him for a little too long, in fact. Steven becomes tense.

“That... was fun!” he says awkwardly, trying to break the ice.  _ What is up with her?  _ He clears his throat. 

Steven wipes the sweat from his forehead, and guides her back to the warp pad. Spinel follows behind him, deep in thought.

She tries to change the negative thoughts clouding her mind, but her thoughts returned to Steven.

She didn’t realize he had brown eyes. 

She smiles to herself, fiddling her thumbs. They continue walking.

_He’s... so tall now_ , she thinks as she observes him. Steven’s shoulder blades move back and forth. Spinel hadn’t seen him in a year, and he’s grown so much. It seems he had a sudden growth spurt. Lost weight, too.

Spinel extends her arm to try and touch his back, but he turns around. Spinel quickly puts her arms behind her back and blushes, looking away. 

“Well, I think we’ve made it to our destination,” he comments. “Let’s get on to the warp-pad.” Steven walks forward again, and Spinel trails behind him. 

Steven steps onto the platform, and turns around to face her. He shows her his hand, and he reaches for it. _It’s so warm_ , she thinks. He smiles at her with his eyes... just like Pink would do. She’s so flustered, she can barely breathe. Since when did she get so awkward around Steven?! She didn’t realize he was this similar to his mother.

Steven has no idea why she’s looking at him like that. He shrugs, and they both warp away together.

He... didn’t get mad. He forgave her. Pink would always get mad and throw a tantrum when she messed up, she thought.

As the light glistens  on his face  as they transport themselves, Spinel gazes at Steven. He hadn’t done this in so long— after he saved the Earth and returned to his normal life, he barely got to go on missions and adventures. He’s caught in his own laughter, so happy to be warping.

_ Just. Like. Pink. Would do. _

Spinel turns her hands into fists.

_I’ll make him happier than I made Pink,_ Spinel mutters to herself. _I swear by it._


	4. Solvable Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven takes Spinel to the Big Donut.

It’s morning, and Steven and Spinel head outside. Spinel trails behind him, happily humming to herself.

They pass by the Big Donut. “Oh!” says Steven. Spinel was distracted, and bumps into him. 

“Here’s the Big Donut!” he smiles. Spinel looks at the building. Oh, it’s rusty, all right. Looks nothing like the elegant and sophisticated architecture she lived in at Homeworld. It was gonna take Spinel some time to get used to... this. 

“What’s a donut?” inquires Spinel.

”Huh? You don’t know what that is— but, I took you here before, remember?” he asks. 

Spinel scratches the top of her head. “I did wha’ now?” she says all cutesy.

“Huh. I swear we warped here on lion once. Well, whatever. It’s basically fried dough in the shape of a circle! They usually come with all types of icing flavors— chocolate, vanilla, strawberry—“

“Strawberry? Ain’t that the pink thing?” Spinel recalls.

“Yeah, exactly! That’s my favorite, ‘cause it’s pink, haha.” Spinel takes note of that. “Let’s go inside.” He grabs her hand and drags her in. The doorbell chimes. 

“Oh, hey Steven,” waved Sadie. Ronaldo was also inside, waiting in line. Steven stops to pull out his wallet, and gives five dollars to Spinel. 

“Here, take this. Buy whatever donuts you’d like for us! Just wait in line. I’ll go get us some drinks.” Steven says as he walks towards another counter.

Oh, Spinel remembers this place! They’ve been here before. She warped in and rode on Lion...

with _Steven_ , sighs Spinel dreamily.

Spinel makes it to the line, seemingly tiny behind Ronaldo. He gazes at her, observing her... stretchy physique and pink skin. “Interesting...” he mumbles to himself. She notices him, but he quickly looks away. Someone takes their donuts and walks out the door. 

Spinel scoots to the side, and looks at all the donut flavors. There’s chocolate, vanilla...

Ronaldo steps forwards and pulls out some cash. 

“Strawberry, please,” he says to Sadie. 

“Sure thing! Lucky you, Ronaldo, you’ve got the last one!” 

_Whaaaat?_ Thinks Spinel. No, the pink one was for Steven! It’s his favorite color! It’s HIS. Spinel just knew that if she gave him a pink donut, he’d fall in love with her. She looks at her hands, forming into fists— Her face turns sour, and she’s getting angry—

But Ronaldo had already paid— he takes the donut from Sadie’s hand, bringing it closer to his mouth and—

Spinel screams and pounces on him, yelling. Ronaldo screams as he’s being tackled. 

“Give me that! It ain’t yours!” she growls at him, trying to take the donut from his hand. 

Steven had been distracted, pouring the hot chocolate he was gonna bring for him and Spinel.

Oh no.

He hears Ronaldo’s screams. _Please_ , _it can’t be_ , he thinks. _Pleasedon’tbeSpinelpleasedon’tbeSpinel._

Maybe if he closes his eyes, it’ll go away! He laughs to himself. He hears more yelling, as well as metal clanking on the floor, and he can’t bear it anymore. He has to look. He hesitantly turns around and opens his eyes, only to see Spinel punching Ronaldo over and over. _Not again!_ Steven delicately places their hot chocolates on the table and starts panting, running to Spinel.

“Spinel!” yells Steven as he rushes towards them. “Spinel, no!” He tries to seperate them, but Spinel won’t budge. He tries again, and pushes Spinel away. So hard in fact, she pushes him to the wall, breaking a food stand. He watches bags of chips and candies fall to the floor. Steven groans, knowing he has to be the one to clean that up.

“Spinel, stop! Ronaldo, are you okay?” Ronaldo rubs his forehead as Steven bends down to help him. 

“No, I’m not! That— **_freak_** — just beat me up!” he points at Spinel.

“What, no, she’s not a freak!” says Steven anxiously. He tries to assure Ronaldo that Spinel isn’t a freak. She’s not a freak, right?! “She’s just agitated, I don’t know what’s wrong with her—“

“Well I do,” says Ronaldo. He takes the strawberry donut from the floor and eats the whole thing in one bite as Spinel watches. He smirks, with crumbs and icing on his face.

Oh, if she wasn’t angry before, she’s absolutely _furious_ now.

“How... how dare you. HOW DARE YOU!!!” Spinel launches herself towards Ronaldo again, tying him to the floor. He’s yelling, struggling to move; muffled screams as the strawberry donut is still in his mouth. “Oh, ya want some more?!” Spinel extends her arm and grabs more donuts from the counter, only to shove them in his mouth.

”Heeheeheehee!” she chuckles manically as she smothers more and more in his face. She’s literally choking and suffocating him. With donuts. This is worse than Frybo.

“Spinel! Spinel! Oh, come on!” screams Steven, trying to push her off of Ronaldo. Why was she fighting him?! Spinel scans the room for any sort of weapon to finish Ronaldo off, and notices the hot chocolates on the counter. She extends her arms across the room and—

“Spinel, no!!”

And pours the blazing drink all over Ronaldo, burning him. Ronaldo screams in pain, crying. Sadie’s hiding behind the counter, shaking in fear. 

“Spinel! Spinel!” Steven looks at the human’s faces— they’re so scared— and decides that enough is enough. He forms a bubble around his hand with determination, and punches Spinel across the room, the impact of her body damaging the wall. 

Spinel groans and passes out. Finally, it’s over. Everything’s okay. 

Ronaldo covers his face, which is stinging red and covered in chocolate and vanilla icing. He won’t stop sobbing. Steven bends down, “Here, let me help you. This is totally a solvable problem,” and licks his hands. Ronaldo looks at him in confusion, but puts his hands down and closes one of his eyes. His glasses are broken too.

“This... is gonna be a little weird,” says Steven as he smiles awkwardly. He puts his wet palm over Ronaldo’s face— Ronaldo shivers— and he’s instantly healed, along with his glasses. His face is cleaned too. Pain-free.

Ronaldo gulps the remaining bits of donut in his mouth.

“OhmygodWhatwasthat!” gasps Ronaldo. “Oh, I gotta get that for my blog,” Ronaldo says as he takes out his journal and starts taking notes, distracted as if nothing happened to him. Steven sighs in relief. 

Spinel, however, isn’t too quick to forget. She gets back up. 

“Ronaldo, I think you should leave,” urges Steven. Ronaldo nods and jogs away, out the door. He swears he heard Ronaldo shouting _Keep Beach City Weird!_ or something from outside.

“Oh no you don’t!” Spinel tries to chase after him, but Steven grabs her by the waist. She stretches, then curls herself back to Steven and grunts. 

“Spinel, what is up with you!” yells Steven. This had been one of many times she had turned violent and either tried to hurt someone or break something. 

“He ate the pink thing!” she whines. “That was for you.”

“Pink... thing?” Oh. “You mean the... the donut?” Steven says as he tilts his head in confusion. 

“Yeah!”

Steven’s facial expression turns dull, and he slaps himself in the face, letting Spinel go.  All this... over a donut. She could’ve destroyed Beach City with that tantrum! All over a donut. 

Steven takes a deep breath. Okay, whatever, it’s okay. He solved the problem. Spinel was fine, he was fine, Beach City was fine. Everything was fine. Steven begins breathing anxiously, a hand over his forehead.

What was he going to do with her? He didn’t have enough stamina to keep up with her and her outbursts. She’s literally powerful enough to destroy the town. If he leaves her alone like that again, she’ll blow the whole beach up— and he won’t have his happily ever after, and— 

Spinel looks up at him, realizing that Steven’s upset with her,  and her face scrunches up, and she’s about to cry, and she’s shaking, until—

“Oh, you just wanted a strawberry donut?” interrupts Sadie, revealing herself after hiding behind the counter. “I’ll be right back!”

Steven looks at Sadie and then to Spinel, sweating. Eyes wide open. 

Sadie comes back with a tray of strawberry donuts. There’s like a dozen for him and Spinel. “I had more in storage. Why didn’t you just say so?”

Steven can’t believe it.

Spinel has stars in her eyes, and she cheers. Yippeee! Sadie packs the donuts into bags, but before she can give them to Spinel herself, Spinel had already yanked them out of her hand.

“Yay! Okaythanksbye!” 

Spinel’s out the door, leaving Steven and Sadie to deal with the mess she made.

Finally, it’s quiet.

“I’ll... help you clean up,” grunts Steven as he lifts himself up, walking towards the nearest broom. He has a lot of work to do, he thinks, as he observes the room. It’s totally destroyed.

Spinel is seen outside, sitting on a bench, happily eating a pink, strawberry-icing covered donut. She rocks her legs back and forth like a child as she hums. She looks down to admire her favorite snack.

“Pink...”


	5. You Think I’m Pretty?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel explore the boardwalk together.

“Oh man, I can’t believe haven’t been to an amusement park in two years!” says Steven, cheerfully. “They’re the best— there are rides, games, cotton candy, hotdogs—“ he continues rambling to himself, excited to start the day. Even though Steven was nearly 18, he couldn’t resist a place like this.

Spinel and Steven walk through the boardwalk together, holding hands.  _As friends._ Steven had clarified that boundary to Spinel a while back, and that he was with Connie, much to Spinel’s distaste. The smell of barbecue and cotton candy whiffs through the air.

They finally arrived, and carnival music was blasting through the speakers. They rush in together, and ride an assortment of machines— go-karts, teacups, a rollercoaster... Things Spinel had never or barely done before. 

They finally decided to take a break, until Steven and Spinel stumbled upon a mother with her toddler in a stroller. “Ooh, what’s this?” urged Spinel.

“It’s a baby,” he responded. “It’s a human! A teeny, tiny human. And she’s sooo cute!”

Spinel stepped closer to the baby, and began doing handstands to amuse it. The toddler started giggling. Spinel took advantage of her flexibility and began making shapes akin to balloon animals, stretching herself in a multitude of ways. 

“Aw, she likes it!” commented Steven. “Do a funny face, do a funny face!”

Spinel comes closer to the baby and smiles aggressively, but before she could stick her tongue out, the baby begins to cry in fear.

“Wh-wha?” questions Spinel, the baby’s wails overpowering her voice. “Did I do somethin’ wrong?” the mother draws her baby nearer, taking her away from Spinel. The baby is frightened. 

“I’m sorry,” the mother chuckled awkwardly. “It’s just that you’re a bit... scary looking.” The mother gestured at Spinel’s scars, as well as her disheveled pigtails. 

“Scary...lookin’?” Spinel brings a hand closer to her face, reminded of her black scars. The mother strolls away with urgency. 

“I-I’m... ugly?” Spinel’s face starts to deepen, her cheeks flushed, and her face squirming. She’s starting to tear up. 

“H-hey, Spinel! We’re in public!” Steven grabs her arm, noticing her mood change. Spinel started attracting attention, with all the townspeople nearby looking at her. 

“Oh, she’s hideous,” mumbles one person. “Mommy, why does she look like that?” whispers a child. “What a freak.” They’re all staring at her. Overwhelmed, Spinel dashes away, covering her face. The townspeople murmur in unison, only to go back to their lives. 

“Spinel! Spinel, wait!” Steven follows her, but loses sight of her. “Oh, come on.” 

The sun is setting, and Steven continues his search for Spinel at the boardwalk. “Where did she go?” he rubs his head. He grunts in annoyance. Steven can’t help but hear sounds nearby, and starts following the source. They sound like cries.

Finally, Steven found Spinel. He sighs in relief. She was on the floor behind a billboard sign, covered in tears. She was curled up in a ball. 

“H-hey, Spinel? Are you alright? What happened?” asked Steven with concern as he bends his knees down. 

“I.. I scared ‘em,” weeped Spinel. 

“Ah... well, your flexibility is a bit... unique,” commented Steven. 

“I’m... s-so ugly,” said Spinel through sniffles. She covered her scars with her gloved hands. 

“Wh-what? No!” Oh brother. Spinel was having another outburst. 

“I am! My ugly, ugly scars on my f-face. I wish I could just rip ‘em off!” she shouts, as she anxiously scratches her face. 

“Hey, hey, hey!” yells Steven, grabbing her wrists. “Stop, you’re hurting yourself!” She doesn’t stop.

“I’m ugly, I’m ugly, I’m ugly!” she wails, snot all over her face. 

“Hey, hey!” urges Steven. She starts hitting herself.

“I am. That’s why y-you d-don’t l-l-like me, because I’m ugly! Hideous! Disgusting! Worthless!” she hits herself harder and harder each time. “That’s why she left me! And that’s why you’ll leave me too!” She hits her forehead repeatedly. 

“That’s not true! Spinel, c-come on—“ he tightens his grip on her arms. 

“I thought I looked cute with my p-pigtails, even if they were messy. But now I see how I just look like a child to you, don’t I? I’m just an inconvenience to you!” She starts to pull her pigtails, hurting herself even more.

“Spinel, Spinel! You’re so violent, stop!” Spinel continues her cries, pulling harder. 

“Stop, STOP! I SAID STOP!” he screams, furiously. Spinel suddenly stops. 

Steven huffs and closes his eyes. Finally. 

“I’m. Sorry,” Spinel whispered, with her shaky voice. “I did it again, didn’t I.” A deadpan expression on her face. 

“Spinel...” Steven groans in annoyance, but draws her body closer to his anyway, enveloping her in a soft embrace. She’s shaking. Shivering, even. 

“I’m s-sorry. I’m so sorry.” she cries out, choking on her tears. “I’m such a fucking mess.” He continues to hold her. 

“You can’t keep... exploding like that, Spinel, especially not with people around. I can’t save you like this every time. I want to be there for you, but,” 

“I know,” replies Spinel.

“It’s taking a toll on me now.”

“I’m sorry. I-I’ll stop, I promise. Please don’tleavemepleasedon’tleavemepleaedon’t—“

Steven holds her tighter. They remain quiet for a few minutes.

“You’re... not ugly,” he finally says.

“Yes I am. You’re just saying that because you wanna be nice ta me.” She buries her face into his neck, hiding herself.

“No I’m not. You’re not ugly, Spinel. Not to me.” 

“Even with my disgustin’, tear-stained scars? My violent expression? My s-stupid pigtails? My contorted figure?”

Steven rubs the back of her head, soothing her. 

Spinel leans on his shoulder, looking down at his back. They sit like this a bit.

She feels his warm body over hers. His soft skin. She wants to say something more.

Spinel’s face flushes red. “S-Steven...” She releases him to get a good look at his face, but he doesn’t look amused. A bit pissed off, really. He’s deep in thought, distracted. How many times has she pulled this kind of shit? How much longer is he gonna take this for?

“Let’s go,” He suddenly says, staring at her coldly. he pulls her up, takes her by the hand, and walks her home. “It’s late.”

***

Steven and Spinel walk back home together, and Spinel can’t help but feel guilty for inconveniencing him again. He sees his father and the gems outside waiting for him. It must be past his curfew. They walk up the stairs.

“Oh, thank goodness,” said Pearl. “We were worried sick about you two!”

“Yeah, we thought Spinel had killed you or something,” Garnet punches Amethyst. “Ow.”

“Hey, stewball,” says Greg, waving at him.

“Hey, dad,” says Steven, clearly exhausted. “I’m just gonna put Spinel to bed.”

The Crystal Gems and Greg stare at her. She’s following behind Steven, holding his hand. You can visibly see the redness in her face, the bruises on her forehead, and her hair is even messier than usual. Something had happened. Another one of her... meltdowns, probably.

Pearl, Amethyst and Greg look in disgust and discomfort. Steven opens the door and takes Spinel upstairs in silence. The gems murmur to themselves, unsure of what to do next.

Spinel’s steps become lighter. She stares at Steven’s back as she walks behind him, up to his room. She knows he’s angry at her. She ruined his day. Again.

Steven guides Spinel to the bed, and she sits down. Steven has a serious expression on his face. Spinel twiddles her thumbs awkwardly.

“Just... go to bed, Spinel.” He shuts off the light and leaves. Spinel stands in the dark, alone.

Spinel giggles to herself. 

”You think I’m pretty?” she blushes, cupping her hand to her cheek.

***

The Crystal Gems are back inside, but Steven goes outside to the porch to sit down. Get some air. 

“H-hey, kiddo,” says Greg, who’s outside by the door. 

“Hi,” he responds. Steven has endured so much, Greg thinks. Matured so quickly. 

“I’ve... been meaning to talk to you. About you and Spinel.”

Steven stays quiet. 

“I’m starting to think she might not be very... healthy for you?” He rubs the back of his head, or what’s left of his hair. Greg’s referring to the amount of times she’s gotten Steven into trouble, or given him a panic attack. 

“What are you implying?” says Steven, harshly.

“I just think you should... take a break from eachother. She’s starting to freak me and the gems out. Are you sure she... can’t go back to the Diamonds?” Steven’s expression turns to that of anger. 

“What? No! How dare you say that,” Steven says as he raises his voice. He’s turning pink again.

Greg raises his arms up. “I know, I know! I just... don’t see why you think you... owe her anything?”

He’s bright pink now. “What! I owe her EVERYTHING. Because of mom, she was abandoned for SIX THOUSAND YEARS. She was alone for SIX THOUSAND YEARS.

It’s because of ROSE— I mean, PINK— that she’s like this now. I have to make it up to her, I have to. I can’t abandon her again. I can’t be like she was,” his voice cracks, and he’s getting anxious.

Greg sighs, knowing he’s right. Still, he’s worried for his son.

Steven breathes in and exhales.

They both sit down, looking at the stars in silence. 

Suddenly, Steven starts laughing to himself, manically. Greg watches him in discomfort. He’s tearing up a bit, just thinking about her. He’s not sure how much longer he can take this for. “Oh stars...” his voice cracks, “What am I gonna do about Spinel?”


	6. Tag, You’re It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel walk along the beach.

“Steven, what’sa girlfrien’?” inquired Spinel as she walked along the beach with Steven, swinging his arm back and forth as she held it.

“Wh-What?! Where did you hear about that?” he replies.

“Pearl said you an’ Connie were ‘dating,’ and that she was ya girlfriend.” Of course. Pearl always meddled into his relationships.

“Oh! Well, uh... yeah. We are dating. I mean were. Connie’s off to college now!” chuckled Steven. “Without me.” Awkward.

“Waaait, is bein’ your girlfriend betta than bein’ ya bes’ friend?!?” urged Spinel, squeezing Steven’s hand tighter. He winced. “Does this mean you’re gonna leave me?!”

“No, no!” said Steven as he tried to pull away, but failed as Spinel’s elongated arm wrapped around his. “It’s... different.” 

“Oh? How so!” she says with a puzzled look.

“Well... girlfriends and boyfriends usually go on dates.” 

“Uh huuuuh.”

“And... and hold hands.” he continues.

“Isn’t that wha’ we’re doin’ right now?” says Spinel as she scratches the top of her head and holds him closer.

“What? No, no! It’s way more than that. Girlfriends and boyfriends... hug and cuddle, and stuff,” says Steven, blushing.

“Huh? But we do that junk aaaaaall the time! See?!” Before Steven can protest, Spinel wraps her body around his, holding him in a tight embrace.

“Yeah, but!” Steven groans as she squeezes tighter. “Not exactly like tha-ah! Ow, that hurts! Spinel!” he frowns. 

“Hehehe, whoopsy-daisy!” giggles Spinel as she unwraps herself. 

“Here, lemme kiss it aaaall betta’!” She quickly grabs his hand and kisses it aggressively, as always. He looks away, flustered. Spinel asks: “So, what else da’ boyfriends an’ girlfriends do? Huh? Huh?”

“They uh... talk a lot. About feelings. And do romantic things together! And kiss.”

“Ain’t that all the things we do?” says Spinel quizzically.

Steven blushes. “No, no! No, that’s ridiculous! Your kisses are way too sloppy. That’s not it, that’s—“ Steven denies it all, but he suddenly stops and takes a look at his surroundings, who he’s with, and all the things he’s done with Spinel in the past couple of months they’ve spent together. 

“Hellooo? Earth ta’ Steven?!” she playfully waves her gloved hand over his face.

There was a long pause. Steven stares at the sand. 

“...you are my girlfriend.”

Steven says this with a deadpan expression. He really couldn’t believe it. She... really does pass all the marks to being a girlfriend, albeit in her own twisted way.

She gasps. “Really?!?!? Yippeeeee! I’m your girlfriend AND ya best friend!” giggles Spinel as she once again wraps herself around Steven, planting a sloppy, wet kiss on his cheek. “Best friends! Girlfriend! I’m ya lil’ girlfriend, I’m ya lil’ girlfriend!~” She releases him, and starts doing somersaults and handstands around him excitedly, like a child.

“Ow... ow,” grunts Steven after he’s finally freed. “I mean... yay!” he cheers sarcastically. He rubs his injured arm, laughing soullessly and awkwardly. She has no idea what weight her words hold, or what it actually means to be a girlfriend. They continue walking, with Spinel clinging tightly onto him, humming to the tune she just came up with, satisfied with the fact that she’s finally defeated the Connie human, unbeknownst to Steven. Steven brings a palm to his face, annoyed. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl watch from a distance on the beachhouse porch.

“What are we going to do about them!?” whispers Pearl anxiously. “First she wanted to kill him, and now this!” 

“Eh, just roll with it,” says Amethyst as she walks back inside, eating a bag of chaaaps. 

“Huh?! Garnet, say something!” 

“Mnmnm.” Garnet shrugs and follows suit. Not even Garnet’s future vision could foresee this unlikely relationship. Pearl stands there, flabbergasted. “But, but! What about Connie!” she chases after them. The sun sets. 

Steven’s seen rushing forward, with Spinel playfully running after him, her long arms extended as he forces her to play tag. What will become of Steven and Spinel? 


	7. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel wants to make a change.

[ ♪ Change - Steven Universe (Instrumental) ♪ ](https://youtu.be/D2WVOEv_-fk)

Steven hovers over the injector, floating to the ground with his shield up.

“Listen to me, Spinel!” She stares up at him. “I understand,” he yells as his shield disappears into the air.

“After everything you’ve been through, you must be in a lot of pain.”

_Ya think?!_ Spinel thinks to herself sarcastically. He’s right. She feels exactly what he’s talking about. She’s suffered so much, and has felt so alone all along, and she’s bottled up so many emotions and, and— _Oh, no_ , she frowns at the realization. She’s not falling for another one of Pink’s traps again. A new mind-game, is it? She knows what she’s doing.

“No, no!” she punches her face, trying to snap out of it. “You don’t understand,” she raises her fists up aggressively. He’s her abuser’s son; he’s just like her! He’ll never understand!

“You can’t change the way I feel!” she cries. Steven summons his bubble-gloves, and Spinel lunges at him. She punches his bubbles repeatedly, Steven combatting every hit. Sheattacks faster and faster as she grunts. 

“That’s right!” says Steven, “Only you can.” _Oh, not this sappy shit again,_ thinks Spinel. She growls, expanding her hands and grabbing him, spinning him around and around.

“Whoa, whoa-whoa!” shouts Steven.

“Augh!” yells Spinel as she finally launches him to the sky. He’s floating up, and Spinel twists her legs and propels herself to him. _You’re not leavin’ my sight!_ she thinks. Steven stares at her, knowing this is his chance. His chance to change her. 

♫ _ You can make it different  _ ♫

He starts singing, clenching his fists together as he and Spinel spin around in a circle. 

♫ _You can make it right!_ ♫

She’s furious; no, no, no! She doesn’t want to hear his stupid song! He can’t help her! Nobody can help her!

♫ _ You can make it better  _ ♫

He unexpectedly smiles at her, and Spinel notices the tears in his eyes. Her face softens, her heart sinking. Her pupils tremble as he stares. She wants to reach out her hand and comfort him. D-did he really care about her all this time? _Steven..._

♫ _We don't have to fight!_ ♫

He opens his arms, inviting her for a hug. Her raging expression suddenly disappears. Oh she wants to, she wants to— she craves to be touched and held by him in any way possible, after being isolated for 6000 years. 

But... Spinel agrees; she really, really doesn’t want to fight. She doesn’t wanna play this horrible game anymore. She’s grown so attached to Steven, she can’t help but soften up to him. Oh, she wishes she never said or did all those horrible, nasty things to him. He’s not a powerless loser, and she doesn’t want him dead. _It’s— it’s just my way of showin’ my love, that’s all!_ She tries to reassure herself. 

He floats down, with the moon shining brightly behind him. They’re surrounded by a night sky and a beautiful galaxy of stars, yet she’s looking only at him. Her universe. 

♫ _You can make an effort_ ♫

He extends his arms again, enticing Spinel to come to him even more. _Oh no, oh no._ Spinel tries her best to remain composed, but her eyes glisten and she begins to tear up. She just can’t resist his charming smile as he gazes at her. She strengthens her grip, deepens her breath, and gulps, but she’s unable to control herself, and—

Oh, who cares! 

“Steeevennn!” Spinel launches herself at him and falls into his arms. She wants to be held by him now. She doesn’t want to hurt him anymore! She’s wanted this so badly, ever since he held her hand and sung to her at the garden— she knew he was her special somebody. Her someone. Steven holds her tight, and they both spiral down to the ground. 

“Spinel!” he smiles, letting her body go, but still holding tightly onto her hand. The wind is in their hair, and Steven’s shirt is flapping in the air. 

“I knew you were good!” cries Steven, bringing his nose to hers as they fall, gripping both her hands. They float together through the clouds. 

“Steven, I’m sorry,” shouts Spinel. “I’m so, so, sorry! For everything!” her tears float off her face as they drop faster and faster below. She holds his hands tight, and he smiles.

♫ _ Starting with toniiiiight  _ ♫

He sings louder, bringing Spinel closer to him. She hugs him tighter than before, and she practically falls into a puddle hearing him sing. His honeyed voice and his warm touch simply melt her heart— she just can’t help but fall for him. “I never wanna let go of ya!” she buries her face into his shirt, giggling.

_'Cause you_ ,  ♫

 _ you can make a change!  _ ♫

He sings to her ear, finally concluding his song. 

Steven rubs the back of her head, and Spinel wraps herself around him completely, enveloping herself. They start to spin and spin in the sky, laughing. They’re having so much fun, and they’re together! They’re finally together! 

She stares at the moon, and the stars, and at Steven— Spinel’s grinning, and she isn’t in pain anymore, and, she reaches out to kiss him, and! and!— 

And then she opens her eyes.

_ Huh? _

She stares at the ceiling.

She’s... awake?

She lifts herself up to find herself on Steven’s bed in his room, panting in the middle of the night. She’s covered in sweat. “It... was all a dream?”

Her heart sinks.

_Oh, right._ She remembers. She never did that. She never once held Steven, or hugged him, or laughed with him— instead... Instead she punched him, and beat him, and mocked him, and pushed him away when she needed him most. 

Oh, how much she regrets rejecting his embrace. She hugs her body and begins to whimper, tearing up in frustration,— _stupid, stupid, stupid!_ — she was ready to hurt herself again, _she deserved it_ , but then she covers her mouth when she notices Steven is at her side, and she silences herself.

He’s fast asleep, his face turning away from her. He’s holding himself, lightly snoring. _There he is._ She can make up for it now, she thinks. She can make a change. He still wants to hug her, right? Even after a year? Is this weird? She wants to reach out and wake him, but—

But she doesn’t want make him mad again. But at the same time she’s just so... alone. She craves his touch so badly. She won’t stop having dreams about him. She won’t stop watching him sleep. She needs to tell him how she feels— and it’s eating Spinel alive. At this point, she’s so touch-starved, she  doesn’t care what their connection is like— loving, platonic, hateful, violent— the only thing that matters to her is they’re together. She wants to explore any and every kind of relationship with him, healthy or not, like a desperate fool— it doesn’t matter if they’re best friends, or lovers, or enemies. She’ll do whatever it takes to get his attention.

She has an idea. 

Spinel scooches lower into the bed, and carefully leans against Steven’s back, hoping not to wake him. She feels the warmth of his back, and feels his breathing. She quietly giggles to herself. It’s working! 

Spinel slowly wraps an arm around him, and...

and she stays completely still, holding her breath. 

_I’m... cuddling with Steven!_ Kind of. 

Spinel stays wrapped around for some time. His body is still moist after showering, and he smells like roses, and Spinel can’t help but be drawn to him. Spinel lifts her nose up to the source, and she begins to sniff his hair. 

She presses against it, sighing dreamily. _So soft..._ Spinel closes her eyes in relief. She’s finally at peace.

They lie together. Spinel hums herself to sleep. “Hmm...”

Suddenly, she feels her body tilt, and is being pushed to the side. _Oh no, no!_

And Steven falls asleep on top of her. Her eyes are wide open, and she’s freaking out. He’s pressing against her chest, and she can barely breathe. 

What did she get herself into? She holds her breath for as long as she can, but she can’t— she has to do something! S he tries to slip away from him, hoping not to wake him.

_Mmnm..._ moans Steven. He’s all over Spinel. Crap, crap! He’s waking up! She can’t move! She struggles to break free, and makes a noise. 

Steven shifts his body again, and gradually flutters his eyes open, disturbed by Spinel’s noises. _Huh?_ He looks to the side, only to find himself wrapped in Spinel’s arms, looking directly at her. Their noses almost touching. 

“Ah!” Steven yells, taking his hands off of her body, raising himself off the bed, far from her. 

“Spinel! What were you doing!” He’s blushing harder than before. 

“I, I—“ she stammers, panicking, knowing she’s been caught— “I, I—“ She flails her arms. _Think, think!_

It hits her. Suddenly, she scowls. 

“Wh-What are YOU doin’, HUH!?” She raises her voice, frightening Steven. She’s got her tough girl act going, and she puffs her chest out. 

“I was just— l-layin’ here, enjoyin’ my slumber, only to find you rollin’ on top a me! Watch where you’re sleepin’, punk!” She pokes him in the chest. “ I’m tryin’ to get some shut-eye!” she growls at him, trying to  make her anger seem as convincing as possible. _Please work, please work..._

Steven stares at Spinel for a moment... he looks a bit disappointed to know she’s gotten mean again. He looks at his lap. Spinel gulps. 

“Oh,” says Steven. “Sorry,” he chuckles, rubbing the back of his head. That was awkward. “I’ll move.” 

Phew. Spinel sighs in relief. _I can’t believe that worked..._ she thinks to herself. But suddenly, the bed shakes as Steven lifts himself off the bed. Spinel looks up at him, confused. _Wait, what?_

“H-Hey, where are ya goin’?!” she asks out of curiosity, twiddling her thumbs together anxiously. 

“Oh, I’ll just go sleep on the couch, it’s fine. I don’t wanna bother you again.”

_ You weren’t botherin’ me. I liked that._

_But, but!_ — But before she can say anything, Steven grabs a pillow and starts heading to the stairs. “Goodnight, Spinel.”

_ No, no, come back! I need you! _

Oh, man. She really messed up. This isn’t what she wanted at all.

“G-goodnight,” she lightly waves. She’s relieved to know that she didn’t get into any trouble with Steven, but she also can’t help but notice how empty the bed is without him. She pats the mattress in multiple spots, looking for anything to hold, something to keep her company— nothing.

It’s so quiet now.

She’s alone. And it’s really apparent now that Steven’s gone. Spinel sighs. She lays back down and closes her eyes, but she scoots closer to his side of the bed; it’s still warm. 

She was going to love again, she thought, and she finally found someone. 

And she was so close this time, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can u guys spot the references lolololol


	8. Shut Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel goes along with the Crystal Gems on a mission.

_Yes, yes!_ Shouts Spinel as she flails her arms enthusiastically. She’s so excited! 

It’s early in the morning, and Spinel is running around the living room. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are sitting on the dining room table, observing her. Garnet’s crossing her arms.

Pearl is clearly annoyed at the commotion. “H-hey, watch that!” she says as Spinel nearly bumps into a vase. It starts to tumble, and Pearl leaps and slides through the floor to catch it. Pearl sighs. Safe!

“Do we have to bring her along?” groans Amethyst. The Crystal Gems are off on another mission; they still have to search for corrupted gems, that way Steven and the Diamonds can heal them and they can assimilate to Little Homeworld.

“Yes,” says Garnet, sternly. “Steven wanted her to come. We have to do this for Steven.”

Spinel doesn’t hear them; she’s too busy drowning in the sounds of her own giggles. She does cartwheels around the room.

“Garnet’s right,” says Pearl. Despite being uncomfortable with Spinel, Pearl knew how important this was to Steven. He begged and begged for her to come, promising to look after her. “He wants to make her feel... included,” she chuckles, knowing how hard that’s going to be. “He wants to let her feel like a Crystal Gem.”

Suddenly, Steven stomps down the stairs, with a cheeseburger backpack at hand. “Remember this?” he grins. 

“Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack!” cheers Amethyst. 

“Haha yeah, I still have it!” Steven stops to observe it. “But... it’s a little rusty,” he says. The backpack’s obnoxious colors have faded, and there’s dirt and dust all over it. Pieces of it were ripped off, likely during a battle, and one of the straps is breaking.

“Wuzzat for?” asks Spinel, scratching her forehead. 

“Oh, it’s just a bag to carry supplies for our missions! First aid, water, rope, a blanket, a knife, matches,  et cetera!” Ohhh, Spinel vocalizes. She finally understands. 

“I even brought sandwiches!” Steven has definitely matured and knows what’s actually important to bring on missions now. 

“Let’s go,” commands Garnet. She heads to the warp pad, and Steven grabs Spinel’s hand to guide her as the Crystal Gems follow. Spinel looks down, flustered. He has to stop holding her like that, but he’s so carefree with her. His touch is electric.

The way he just holds her hand like that is so puzzling to her. He’s always embarassed around Connie when they do that— so why is Spinel any different?

Steven steps onto the platform, pulling Spinel up with him. 

“Ready?” says Steven. Spinel quietly nods, trying to be as little as an inconvenience to the Crystal Gems as possible, and they warp off. 

They’re all inside the warp pad together, coolly posing— but Spinel hasn’t done this in so long— she tries to hold tighter to Steven, but she starts floating up like a balloon. She panics, and Steven giggles, pulling her down again. She gets flustered and chuckles awkwardly. _This is so embarassing..._

Finally, the Gems have arrived, and they’ve found themselves in some kind of tropical jungle. It’s humid, and Steven starts to sweat a little. “Hah, it sure is hot here!”

Garnet guides them all through the jungle; Pearl and Amethyst ready for any kind of surprise, holding their weapons. Spinel walks behind Steven, wondering what they’re going to do.

“Why are we here?” she asks. 

“Oh, we’re looking for corrupted gems,” he explains. “They... they’ve been transformed into monsters,” Steven sighs. “We have to fight them and bubble them into the basement, that way they can’t hurt people anymore.”

Spinel looks down to the soil, a bit sad to see Steven down like this. “I can’t heal them on my own, no matter how much I try. I’m not powerful enough, and I need help from the Diamonds.” 

Right. The Diamonds, she gulps. She starts sweating at the thought of them. 

They must be worried sick about her, knowing that they never actually had an intergalactic mission to go to. 

Spinel coughs, ashamed that she lied to Steven. Lied to them. She just couldn’t help it— after everything that happened between her and Steven a year ago, she hasn’t been able to get him off her mind. Spinel thought about him everyday, wondering when he’d come visit her. She needed to go back to Earth to see him. So she simply... ran away, without a trace, hoping they wouldn’t notice her absence. 

“Are you okay? You seem a bit tense,” observes Steven. Spinel is about to respond, but she and the other gems overhear a monster screeching in the distance. It’s louder than usual, and Steven covers his ears. 

“We’re getting close,” urges Garnet, running to the source. Everyone follows behind. 

At last, they arrive to see an abandoned temple and ruin, covered in moss and vines. It’s been untouched for centuries. Steven and the Gems can’t help but hear murmers... They scope around the area in search of the beast, but there’s no sign of her. The gems stare at each other in confusion. 

“I swear I heard something!” says Pearl, a bit panicky. 

“Let’s split up,” suggests Garnet. Amethyst and Pearl nod, looking at eachother, while Garnet heads out to explore the site on her own. Of course, she’s never alone. 

Spinel looks up at Steven, and he nods. “Well... guess we have no choice but ta pair up, toots!” nudges Spinel. He looks a bit distracted. What’s up with him? 

They all split up in different directions.Garnet goes deeper into the jungle, while Amethyst and Pearl explore the ruins. This leaves Steven and Spinel to go inside the temple. 

Spinel hums, looking around the room. Steven begins to head up the stairs, until he hears shuffling above him. A lot of shuffling. There’s screeches, and—

He looks above him and Spinel, and there’s a hundred batlike creatures hanging from the ceiling.

They seem to be children of a mother, as they’re gemless. And they’re ready to attack.

“Oh, oh no,” he gasps. Suddenly, the screeches become louder, and louder, and the winged monsters start chasing him and Spinel. Steven covers his ears in pain. “Stop, stop!” he screams. They invade him. 

Spinel can’t help but notice the creatures shouting at her. “Spinel, Spinel!” they scream. Huh? They can talk? 

“Spinel, you’re gonna die alone!” they say. “Spinel, nobody loves you!” “Spinel, Steven’s going to abandon you! Spinel, Spinel, you’re such a horrible person! You’re a monster!”

“What? No, no!” she covers her ears, cringing. 

“You’re worthless, pathetic!” they continue, and Spinel groans. “Spinel, Spinel!” they continue insulting her, calling her names, crowding around her and Steven. 

Steven himself is cowering on the floor, trying to block the voices from his ears. His face is twitching and he’s groaning loudly, clearly suffering. 

“Steven! Steven!” Spinel calls out for him, but he doesn’t hear her. “Spinel, you’re so stupid! Spinel, Spinel!” they continue. This all reminds her of the voices inside her head that would torment her, telling her to kill Steven, but she doesn’t get them anymore. 

Wait. 

She doesn’t get them anymore.

That’s it! She doesn’t get those bad thoughts anymore, so why are these any different?! She knows what to do. Spinel takes a deep breath with determination, closes her eyes, exhales and...

The voices are gone. _Ah-ha!_ She puts her hands on her hips, proud of herself for finally defeating them. She’s so used to absorbing her violent, intrusive thoughts, she can easily block out anything she hears now. She looks around, and just sees monsters flying across the room, hovering over Steven, jabbing him.

She rushes towards him. “Stop, stop!” he cries, his face on the floor. He’s shaking, squirming in place. “Hey, get offa him!” she yells, trying to swish them away. Shoo, shoo! 

Steven covers his ears even harder— but the voices still invade his thoughts. _What could they possibly be telling him?_ she thought. He’s crying, loudly, and finally he can’t take it anymore. He stands up, looking down, while running away. The bats chase after him, screeching violently. 

“Hey, hey! Steven, where are you going!” Spinel follows him as well. Steven is panting, running faster and faster through the jungle, blocking his ears. The bats get blocked and hit by tree branches, and they finally disperse, returning back to the temple, their screeches fading into the distance.

Spinel lets a sigh of relief, watching them fly away. She pauses, realizing she’s lost sight of Steven. _Hey, where’d he go?_

Spinel starts to panic a bit, but she moves forward nevertheless. She explores the jungle from multiple directions. An hour has passed, and Spinel still can’t find Steven. She pants and bends her knees, falling to the floor, nearly given up, but— 

She hears cries in the distance. Spinel stands up, urgently running to the source— she removes the vines from her path, and comes across a cave-like structure. She finds Steven on the floor, cowering and shivering. He’s alone.

“Steven!” she yells, rushing towards him. He’s traumatized, mumbling nonsense to himself. “Hey, hey, I’m here!” she grabs him by the shoulder, but he flicks her away. 

Hey! Why’d he hit her?! She starts to get angry. She grabs him again, and he tries to resist, closing his eyes— No, no!— 

And she slaps him. “Snap out of it!” she screams, breathing heavily. 

Steven stares directly at her, mouth gaped. What happened? He rubs his head. He has a huge migraine.

Spinel lets a sigh of relief and melts like jelly onto the floor. She’s so happy to see him okay, but she’s also exhausted from chasing him so much. 

Steven looks around the jungle— he tries to stand up, but nearly falls before Spinel catches him. “Here, grab onto me,” she mumbles, guiding him inside the cave. She places him down to sit, and she lies across from him.

They just stay there, distracted in their own thoughts. 

Steven closes his eyes, panting loudly. He suddenly scrunches his face, as if he just remembered a painful memory. Spinel just stares, confused.

“No, no!” he shouts, covering his ears. Hey, hey, hey! She crawls towards him. 

She’s... not the best at this whole healin’ and supportin’ thing like Steven is, but she tries anyway. Spinel wraps her arms around him, and he’s crying into her chest, making ugly noises. She panics, unsure how to calm him down. What would Steven do?

She remembers what he does to calm her down, and starts to caress his hair and shush him. “Shh...” Steven’s cries quiet down, and his breaths slow down a bit. She rubs his hair again and again. Steven stops trembling. 

He holds her tighter, his tears staining her romper. She had never seen him this weak, she thought. She feels the moisture from his body press onto her as his nails dig into her. 

They sit like this for some time, listening to eachother breathe to calm themselves down.

Finally, Steven slowly seperates himself from her. He looks down. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, embarassed. He rubs the tears away from his eyes, and wipes his snotty nose. He sniffs. 

“What happened to you?! What were they telling you?” she raises her voice in concern. He was really out of it back there. 

“I.. um,” he can’t seem to gather the words. His face transforms again. and the painful things he heard start invading his head again. He groans, and Spinel holds his hands. _You’re gonna get through this_ , she whispers to him. _I’m here for you!_

“It’s okay, you don’t have ta tell me,” she assures him. She just stares at him. 

He looks up at her.

“They... they said horrible things to me,” he finally says. “Reminding me of the terrible things my mom did— telling me what a weakling and a failure I am—“ he panics, his voice cracking as he speaks faster and faster. “And, and how Connie doesn’t love me anymore, and how my mom only made me to escape her mistakes, and, and—“ he’s crying again, his heart racing as all his traumatic thoughts resurface. 

She completely understands.

Spinel’s face softens. “Steven...” she groans, “none a those things are true.” She holds his hands tighter. “You’re not weak, you’re tha strongest person I know! And I know Connie loves ya,” as much as she hates to admit it.

He stays quiet, ashamed of himself. He doesn’t believe her.

She raises her hand and cups his cheek, rubbing it a bit, but he removes it and changes the subject.

“...Why did she make me?” he shakes as his voice cracks. Huh? He thinks back to what the monsters told him.

“Why was I born?!” he shouts, his words echoing across the cave. He closes his eyes, wincing as he rocks back and forth. The voices are back, and Steven’s completely miserable.

She watches him, and quickly envelops his arms around him. He’s hyperventilating. She really doesn’t know what to do, and pants as she panics again. She can’t help him! All she’s good for is entertaining and making people laugh, not healing them— wait.

“Boop!” 

Huh? He opens one of his eyes to look at her, and touches his face. Did she just... boop his nose?

“Boop!” She does it again, smiling. “Boop! Boop!” she giggles, doing it repeatedly. “H-hey, hey! Cut that out! He blocks her from touching his face.

She looks at his stomach, and lifts his shirt up, poking his tummy. “Boop!” His face turns red. “Spinel, what are you doing!” he pulls his wet shirt down.

“Boop!” she pokes his tummy again. And again, and again. “Boop! Boop! Boop!” she cackles like a child, enjoying his suffering. “St-stop, that tickles!” he starts giggling, trying to push her away. 

Spinel lunges at him, tickling and tickling him. Her arms moving too quickly for Steven to stop her. She tickles his neck, his stomach, his underarms— he’s laughing, and she’s so happy to see him smiling again, and he falls to the floor, and she gets on top of him to tickle him even more, and—

She’s on top of him. Again.

She’s on his lap, as he’s lying down on the cave floor, facing her.

They’re dead silent. Steven just stares at her, panting. He’s soaking wet, covered in his own sweat. It’s so humid. Spinel gazes down at him, her lips trembling. 

“Sorry, sorry—“ she prepares to slide off him, until he grabs both her wrists and holds her in place. She tries to move, but he’s not budging. Huh?

“W-Wait. Stay,” says Steven. He clasps her hands and closes his firmly.  What was he doing?! 

Spinel flushes red as her hands are bound to his. She completely averts his gaze, unable to believe this is happening. Steven... wants her touching him like this? _I can’t look at him_ , she thinks. _This is so unlike him_. They had never been that close before. She had never seen this side of him.

She’s just... on top of Steven, her legs on opposites sides of him as she towers over him. There’s a lump in her throat, and she’s so, so hot right now. She wants to cover her face and hide, but she can’t. She’s completely revealed herself to him. The silhouette of her chest must be totally visible to him under her.

Her breaths get heavier, and her face flushes pink. She’s just so embarassed— she can’t take it anymore. She tries to look down at him, but she just looks to the side again, flustered.

“St..Steven,” she squirms in her seat. She feels so... exposed like this, in this position, but he isn’t letting go. She can’t explain it, but she feels bound to his command. Why did she do that? If she had just respected his personal space, she wouldn’t be on top of him like this. 

Spinel finally looks down at him, and his face is just as red. He’s not even looking at her, he’s just facing to the side, just as shy and awkward as she is. He’s holding his breath. It seems that this is the first time he’s ever done something like this, and she can tell it was done impulsively.

He just wanted to see how it felt. To have a girl on top of him like that, even if they weren’t gonna do anything. He was already 18, and he had never done something like that before.

He wants to guide his hands up her stomach and fondle her breasts or something, he imagines, but he decides that’s going too far and lets go of her hands, exhaling after holding his breath for so long. Finally. His heart is racing.

Spinel is so confused. _What was that?_ He doesn’t know what to say, so he keeps quiet. He himself had no idea why he did that. 

Spinel slides to the side, laying right next to Steven. She buries her face on his shoulder. 

He sighs, watching it get dark out.

“Why are you so nice ta me?” she says as her voice cracks, after some silence. Spinel thinks back to everything she did to him— torturing him, fighting him— trying to kill him— wiping his friends’ memories so he dies alone— she starts to get angry at the thought of it all. Really, why does he tolerate her, after everything? She doesn’t deserve it.

She thinks back at all the nice things he’s done for her. He h olds her hands without hesitation, and hugs her when she’s scared and lets her sleep with him, and buys her ice cream, and now he lets her sit on top of him— and he treats her better. He’s that someone who treats her better. 

Steven shuffles a bit, and breathes in.

“Today, somewhere, somehow—“ he starts to sing. 

Spinel’s eyes widen, and she gets off of him. 

No, no, no! She’s not gonna fall for another one of his dumb songs! He can’t change this! He can’t change her, she’s a monster! 

He keeps singing— and she can’t stand it, she mumbles, and she tries to cover her ears, resisting— 

And she just screams. 

“SHUT UP!” 

Spinel’s scream echoes through the cave, and Steven looks at her in fear. “W-Woah!”, he says. She gets on top of him again, this time to silence him. She raises her hand. 

“Stop talkin’!” She looks at him, enraged. Spinel punches his chest with one fist, “Stop singing!” she punches him with another. “STOP! Stop! Stop!” she punches him over and over again, sobbing. Steven doesn’t stop her, he just takes it all and  flinches at every hit. 

Spinel finally stops, groaning and panting. She can barely breathe after crying and screaming so much. Steven just looks at her snotty, tear-covered face. Her hair is absolutely tangled and frizzy. She’s a mess.

“Stop.. bein’ nice to me,” she whimpers. “I don’t deserve it,” she cries out. 

Steven grabs both her wrists and ties them together in his hands. “Yes you do,” he replies. She cringes as she hears that. How is it possible that he sees the beauty in everything? Including ugly, pathetic, dependent  people like her? She doesn’t get it.

Spinel continues crying, sniffling. “St-stop making me happy,” she lets out a pathetic chuckle. This is so funny, she thinks. The original source of her suffering, Steven Universe, is the only thing that makes her happy. 

“Stop... makin’ me love again.” She looks at him, so upset. “Not today, somewhere, somehow...”

“Not you... not here... Not now,” she concludes. Her tears drop onto his shirt. 

Spinel towers over him, and she just continues to cry. He rubs her arm back and forth to let her know he’s there for her. 

The sun has completely set, and Steven and Spinel make a fire. They go to bed. They’re laying down together, her head on his chest, holding him, and they fall asleep. They needed to find Garnet, Amethyst, and Garnet soon. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god this was so angsty xD 
> 
> a part of this was inspired from a little stevinel comic by altadoodler on tumblr!


	9. Unrequited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel confesses her feelings for Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a repeat of the first chapter, that way everything flows chronologically. Feel free to skip or reread to refresh your memory!

Spinel puts a hand over her face and starts cackling manically at the realization. “I... I really am in love with you.”

She says as she stares directly to the ground, dropping her replaced scythe after holding it against Steven’s neck. The metal clanks against the battlefield floor. He stares at her, dumbfounded. 

“...What?!” said Steven, panting after fighting Spinel. She had just had a psychotic outburst after the two had talked, and he suddenly attacked her.

Steven stared at her from the floor, sweating, covered in scratches and blood.

“I.... I don’t know how. It’s funny, isn’t it? You devote ya’ whole life ta’ her, and she treats you like dirt and throws ya away like a ragdoll. Forcin’ you to live a life of loneliness, making ya feel worthless. Damaging you. Scarring you. You can never go back from that. Who could love someone like that? Of course I had no choice but to hate her. So ya vow to kill ha’ son in revenge, who’s probably exactly like her, to make it all betta...” she mutters to herself.

A pause.

“But he’s nothin’ like her ugly self, and ya fall desperately in love wit’ him instead.”

Steven grunts, lifting himself up. Yet he wasn’t strong enough to get himself off the floor, and instead stares at Spinel in disbelief. “...Huh? No, no. That’s ridiculous! That’s ridiculous. It’s all crazy talk,” says Steven, trying to convince Spinel to snap out of it. This is just another one of her pranks, right? He starts panicking a bit. 

“It ain’t.” Tears start pouring out of Spinel’s eyes as her face scrunches up. Her knees fall to the ground as she starts to think of Steven, picturing him as memories of him flash through her mind. “You’re just so adorable, with ya fluffy hair and sweet smile. And your giggles... I-I.. love making you laugh. You’re so silly and playful, just like her...” she smiles to herself. “And, and despite your pudgy lil’ stomach,” she says in a sing-songy way, “you still have such a toned body. You’re just so strong, and brave, and powerful. And you’re so tall! And your voice, oh your lovely voice, and your warm hands, holding mine. And I love it when you get all mad and annoyed when I poke yer buttons, it’s so cute. And, and—“ Her hands clasp eachother as she tries to comfort herself. She’s clearly rambling, but she’s also trembling. 

Steven stays silent, watching her. She really had fallen for him.

“... But you’re just a teenage boy. And I’m six thousand years older than you,” realizes Spinel. “Oh, I’m such a damn fool,” she brings a palm to her forehead. “To think a human boy could feel anythin’ fo’ me, ‘specially afta I tried to kill him and his friends!” her voice pitches and her cries become hysterical; she scratches her cheeks, worsening the scars on her face. Steven draws closer to her, wanting to calm her down, but he doesn’t reach her.

“You have ya friends and ya life here in Beach City, and ya girlfrien’. You’re so young and ya got ya whole life ahead of you. Your beautiful family. 

I tried so hard to ruin your happily eva’ afta... only for you to become mine.” She gazes at him. “You’re my happily ever after.” 

There’s a silence. Steven tries to piece everything together in his mind. 

“You gave my life new purpose. I thought killing you would satisfy me, give me closure and end my sufferin’. I smiled at the thought of you dead. Killing you was the only way I could get revenge on her, her precious son. That was the Happily Ever After I envisioned for me.” 

“When I saw your lil’— _message to the universe_ ,” she winces, “I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was so angry to see her back, back as you. Hearing about her... her other friends. The life she lived without me. That nowhere planet. That lil’ “game” she played with the Diamonds. The pain she had caused Homeworld. The pain she caused me.” she scowled. “But as you smiled at the camera, holdin’ your hands to yer’ chest, so happy with yerself and your new life, I thought..... he sure is cute!” she chuckles pitifully, wiping the tears and snot off her face. “Pathetic, aren’t I? I couldn’t help it, really.” She hums a bit. “Your lovely voice... your hands on mine. Your warm touch, your handsome face. I tried to resist, knowing that fallin’ for you was ridiculous. I know it’s because I’m lonely after being isolated for so long, but still...”

“I hated your mother and you so, so, so much— why would I!?” She says in disbelief, her heart racing as she raises her voice. Steven averted his gaze, but Spinel calmed down. “But you really did become my happily ever after, Stevie. Even when your mother never cared for me, you were the only one who did. You treat me betta. You’ve given me hope. Inspired me ta become a betta person. Helped me grow from the... the embarassing _wreck_ I was back then.”

“I just wanted to be your friend. That’s all I wanted, I swear! But...” she pauses. “Now I wanna be... somethin’ more.”

They looked away from eachother, sitting still for some time. 

“...Do you like me too?” Spinel’s voice cracked after a few moments, staring directly at him. She fiddled with her thumbs, blushing. Her sour face no more. 

Steven didn’t know what to say or how to react. He was speechless. A few minutes ago they had been talking normally; everything seemed fine, but she suddenly had an outburst and reacted violently towards him, reminiscent of her former self. Suddenly, her blade was on his neck, and they were both on the floor. The two had been connecting the past few months, with Steven teaching Spinel about the Earth, helping her assimilate into life in Beach City. She had healed and grown so much. Everything was going great! There were a few bumps along the way, but he never realized she felt this way all along— he always thought her hand squeezing and hugs were just her being playful and capricious, nothing more. And, and...

and Connie. He loved Connie. His girlfriend. He couldn’t abandon her. Connie understood him more than anybody, and was the closest thing to an escape from his Gem life. His father, the gems, ALWAYS brought the conversation back to Rose, Pink, his mother— how he reminded him of her, his destiny— but Connie always saw him as just Steven. Just Steven. He loved how intelligent and focused she was, how strong and capable she was, and Stevonnie... there’s nothing he loved more than being Stevonnie with her. Nothing he loved more than BEING her. He was so excited to start a new life with her happily married, but... 

“I... I’m sorry,” he gulped. Despite Connie rejecting him, he just couldn’t give her up. She knew how important her future was for her. Although almost two years had passed since he rejected his proposal, the two still talk and text from a distance while she’s in college. 

Steven was afraid Spinel would try to hurt him again, so he braced for the worst, bringing an arm to his face in defense. He had to let it out. He just couldn’t reciprocate, especially after everything she’s done to him and his friends. The violence he saw in her. Her explosive personality. The wounds and scars she gave him. Her immaturity and wrecklessness. Her dependency on him. His trauma. “I just don’t... feel the same way.” 

“I know,” sighed Spinel. “Just thought I’d let ya know, haha.” She scratched her stomach. “Put your arm down, I’m not gonna hurt ya anymore.” 

Steven obeys with a stern face, knowing she won’t hurt him anymore.

_I know I’m a monster to you_ , she thinks to herself.

“You don’t wanna be friends anymore, do ya?” she asks, wrapping her arm around herself. She brings a hand up to her face, biting her glove anxiously. “Am I just not good enough?”

“No! No. Of course not, Spinel. I still want to be your friend.” He reaches a hand out to her.

“Best... friend?” she whimpers. 

“Yes! Yes.” he exhales, relieved to see that she’s calmed down and come to her senses. “Exactly! Best friends, woohoo. You got it!” He says, trying to release tension.

Spinel scooches closer to him, a subtle smile forming on her face. “R-really?”

“Yes. I want to be friends. I won’t abandon you like my— like she did. I’ll take care of you. You can start a new life! With me. We can begin again. Together.”

The two sit next to eachother.

“You... you really are my happy ending. You’ve replaced all the bad memories I had a her,” she says quietly. 

A tear rolls down Spinel’s cheek. She suddenly starts to hum, leaning against him. She reaches for his hand.

“T-Today, s-somewhere... somehow,” she mumbles. 

He tightens his grip on her to assure her that he’s there for her. He’s determined to help her, even if it’s not in the way she hopes. 

“I’ll l-love a-gain... mmn...

I.. nghr.. just need to— find s-someone.” She chokes a bit as she sings, drowning in her own tears and mucus. 

Despite the fact that she’s smiling, Spinel continues to sob. So much so she begins to hiccup. Steven looks down at her, slowly wrapping an arm around her; the bags under his eyes visibily deeper. He’s just so tired; he thought after establishing peace across the galaxy that this would all be over, but it’s not. 

At last, she buries her dirty face in his neck, admitting defeat. Steven finally sighs in exhaustion, his face saddened as he looks across the damaged battlefield. 

“You will.”


	10. A Special World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel go on a road trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *reenacts all my romantic fantasies in one chapter* Perfect  
> this chapter was added much later, on 06/28 between what was already there. i wanted to flesh out their relationship more. enjoy!

“Let’s go, Spinel,” says Steven as he enters the room. Spinel was on the floor playing video games, but she turns around to see Steven pick up his backpack and start putting his clothes in them. 

“Hey, where are we goin’?” she asks in confusion. _Was he gonna take her back to the Diamonds?_ She had heard arguing downstairs between him and the Gems, but she didn’t think it’d escalate this much to the point she has to leave.

“Out,” he vaguely and coldly responds. Steven just needed to get out of here as soon as possible. He takes a jacket for Spinel, and takes his car keys. He gestures her to come with, and she follows him downstairs. 

He opens the door and heads outside, with Spinel trailing behind him. They walk to the car, and he opens the door for Spinel so she can sit in the passenger seat. “Go in,” he says. He slams the door and heads to the other side.

He opens the door and closes it, and turns on the ignition. Steven looks pissed, but he’s compassionate enough to take a second to lean to the side and fasten Spinel’s seatbelt for her. He hovers over her, and Spinel holds her breath. He then fastens his own.

He goes in reverse, and starts driving out of Beach City.

They drive for some time, and Spinel doesn’t have the audacity to ask him what he was doing, or what happened, or where they were going. He was the boss today. 

Spinel leans her head to the side and looks out the window. She watches the sun set as she admires the ocean. Where were they going? She really liked Beach City. 

Two hours have passed, and Steven’s driving down the highway, and the sun is setting. She peers up at Steven, and Spinel can’t help but feel Steven start to tense up. He grips tighter at the wheel, and starts breathing heavily. She takes a closer look at his face, and he’s softly pink. 

Steven extends his hand to her— not even looking at her— as he continues driving. They pass a sign that says Empire State.

“C-Can you hold my hand,” he says sternly, with a slight hint of desperation. 

Hold his hand? That... was a bit forward, especially since he just rejected her a few days ago, but she hesitantly holds his right hand and he grips it.

“Why do you need me ta hold ya hand?” she asks in confusion.

“So I don’t punch the radio and break it, Spinel,” he responds with frustration. Was he really that mad? 

He holds her hand, and they drive down the highway, passing many billboards, lights, and cars. Light music is playing on the radio, and Spinel ultimately drifts to sleep with Steven holding and rubbing her hand. 

A couple hours have passed, and the car finally stops. Spinel’s fast asleep, and Steven sighs as he looks down at her, but he knows he doesn’t wanna wake her up knowing that he dragged her all the way here without explanation. He steps out of the car, puts on his backpack, and heads to the opposite side of the car.

He opens the door and puts his hand under Spinel’s legs, and another behind her back, and lifts her up. He kicks the car door with his foot, and he carries her.

Spinel groans a bit in confusion, as she can’t help but wake up to all the commotion. She feels her body move up and down— and her cheek feels strangely warm, as she’s leaning on Steven as he walks. She flutters her eyes open, and gazes at the beautiful lights of Empire City. 

So beautiful...

It’s chilly out. Steven walks around the block, and finds himself in front of a hotel. Not as nice as Mr. Greg’s, but a nice hotel nonetheless. He enters feasibly thanks to the automatic doors, and heads to the counter. Spinel closes her eyes again. He’s greeted by the concierge, who recognizes his face from his ID he uploaded— and another employee guides him to the elevator and shows him to his room. 

Spinel and Steven reach the floor, and the employee opens the door for him so he can carry her in with ease. The door is shut behind him, and he gently places Spinel’s head on the pillow, and lays her down. It’s... so soft.

Steven heads to the front of bed and places his keys and backpack on the drawer, and turns around and takes off his jacket. Spinel yawns, and rubs her eyes as she wakes up again.

“Steven...?” she asks, drowsily. 

Steven turns around. “Oh, hey. You’re up. You were really knocked out back there,” he chuckles awkwardly.

Spinel lifts her back up and looks around the room. “Where... are we?” 

“I’ll show you,” Steven speedily walks to the window, and uncovers the blinds— Huh? Spinel gasps in awe as she looks at the beauty that is Empire City. They even have a small view of the glowing tower in the center of the city.

“Wooow-weee!” she says excitedly, as she hops up and runs towards the window like a child looking at her first snow. She sits on the chair and puts her hands on the windowsill, admiring the view. Steven smiles. 

“You like it?” Spinel nods. “Good! Good,” he clears his throat. 

“I’m... sorry for taking you here so abruptly. I-I just needed to get away from Beach City, and the Gems... I knew you had never been here before and I thought you’d like it, so I thought I’d surprise you with a short trip. We’ll just be here for one night though, but that’s enough to take a break from everything and explore the best parts of the city.”

Spinel once again absorbs the view— this was the planet she was plotting to destroy? How she regrets that. 

“I have a list of things we can do. We can head to the park, try gelato— oh, there’s even a Ferris Wheel!” Spinel forgot what that was, but she smiles eagerly for him nonetheless. She admits to being a bit... bored in Beach City these days, so this was a nice change of pace. 

Steven stands up. “I’m gonna go shower, okay? You can just turn on the TV.” He grabs his pajamas from his backpack and heads to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Spinel hears the shower turn on in the background and sighs. 

She can’t help but think back to how she wanted to destroy this “nowhere” planet. Was this what she was gonna suck the life out of with her injector? It was the prettiest thing she had ever seen. 

Spinel heads to the bed and sits criss-cross on the bed. She grabs the remote next to her and turns on the TV, only to be exposed to reruns of Little Butler. What’s this? 

After ten minutes or so, Steven exits the bathroom door, fully cleaned and dressed. His hair is soaked. Spinel is seen laughing hysterically at the TV. “Oh, this show is hilarious! And I thought Amethyst was funny!”

“Oh, yeah, Little Butler!” says Steven enthusiastically, but then he pauses. Wow... he hadn’t watched that show in two years. He’s had to grow up so fast and has been exposed to so many responsibilities, he didn’t actually have time to enjoy television like he used to anymore. 

Steven grabs the towel and rubs his hair dry, and hangs the towel on the door handle. Spinel looks up at him. 

“You don’t wanna shower, or?” he asks. 

“Oh! Th-that’s okay, I can just clean myself— here—“ she grabs a section of the blanket over her and starts rubbing her gem— suddenly, she magically shines and she’s all clean again. 

“Wow... wish I could do that!” 

“Every Spinel had ta look spiffy for entertaining the royals,” she smiles. “You can probably do it too! Have you ever tried?”

“N-No, but...” he stammers. “I’m good, really, I enjoy showering. It relaxes me.”

“Okay!” she smiles. Spinel feels a sudden weight on the other side of the bed, and Steven lays with her, watching. 

A few minutes pass, and Steven starts laughing at a joke as he watches with her. “Hahahahaha!” he laughs adorably, and Spinel can’t help but blush. _Stevennnnn, I’m supposed to hate you, remember?!_ She says to herself. Oh, this is harder than she thought. When did he get so cute?

He holds a hand to his face elegantly as he giggles one last time. Spinel freezes as she stares at him.

Just. Like. Pink. 

Suddenly, Spinel lays down and turns her body to the side, concerning Steven. He looks over to her. “A-Are you okay, Spinel?”

She unintelligently mumbles something, and closes her eyes, pretending she can’t hear him. Guess that means it’s time for bed, then. 

Steven leans to the end table next to him and shuts off the lamp, eager to start the next day. 

Steven and Spinel are walking out the hotel the next afternoon after eating a late breakfast together— Spinel tried all sorts of things: omelettes, pancakes, bacon.. she had never eaten such fancy food before. Steven has his hands in his pockets, and Spinel hums and skips ahead of him, wearing a little coat. She looks up and admires the scenery— and the incredible architecture of Empire City.

“You like it?” asks Steven, whose behind her. Spinel does a cartwheel on the sidewalk and jumps, giggling. “Yes!” 

“Where are you takin’ me?” 

“Well... there’s a skating rink at the city square, I thought we could check it out.” Spinel nods in excitement, and they continue walking together.

They finally arrive, and there’s a few people out. They wait together in line, and finally the two enter the rink. Steven glides in first. 

“I’ve... gotten a lot better at skating these past few years,” he chuckles, thinking back at his embarassing display in front of Connie at the rink two years ago.

Steven holds both his hands out for Spinel, and Spinel holds them as she steps in. She’s shaking a bit, since she’s never ice skates before, but Steven assures her its gonna be okay and glides backwards in front of her, guiding her around the rink. 

Is this how it works, is she doing it right?

“Back and forth, gliding up and down... that’s it!” he cheers for her, and Spinel feels embarassed to be the only one in the rink who’s learning.

At first Spinel felt a bit anxious to be skating on ice, but after being with Steven like this she feels much safer. She’s even starting to get the hang of it! Steven lets go of one of her hands and skates next to her, and they glide around the rink at a slow pace. She’s a bit shakey, but enjoying herself nonetheless. She blushes a little as they go. 

Is this a date?

They finally end their turn after a few laps, and Steven goes out first and helps her out of the rink— but she nearly trips and falls, but Steven holds her before she could. “Whoa!”

“T-Thank you,” she says and he smiles. They take off their skates, Steven helping her out, and they put on their boots to head out. 

“That... was fun,” comments Spinel as they continue walking together. She’s right next to him as he towers over her.

They pass by some boutiques, and Spinel can’t help but notice a frilly pink dress on display, and she walks towards the glass to admire it. 

Steven follows her, and looks at it too. “You want it?” She nods, fixated on it. She’d look like a princess!

“I’ll buy it for you, let’s go in—“ Huh? No, no, he didn’t have to! But he insists anyway, and holds the door open for her. 

She picks out the dress and goes in the changing room. Steven sits down on a cushion and waits. Spinel poofs her clothes away, and puts the dress over her head, but struggles to tie the back properly. She peeks out, and asks for Steven. “Steven...? Can you help me?” 

Steven stands up and rushes up to her, and she steps out and her back faces him— she pulls her hair up and he ties the ribbon around her neck as she holds the dress up her chest. He’s done, and Spinel twirls around and looks at her dress— it’s so elegant! 

Steven blushes a bit, as she’s never seen her looking so feminine before, but clears his throat and looks away. “You look nice,” he says, but Spinel can’t help but feel disappointed by his response.’ He guides her to the cash register, and pulls out his wallet to pay. A bit above his budget, but as long as it makes her day and makes her feel special in Empire City he’s fine with it. They step out together.

Spinel is now sporting a poofy pink dress, fit for royalty, and has a pink coat on top of her. She walks ahead of him again, and closes her eyes, enjoying the cold Empire City air. Suddenly, she lets out a small sneeze— like a kitten, and Steven laughs. 

Spinel wipes her nose, and looks up at Steven in confusion. His face is red, taken aback by her cuteness, but she’s not sure if it’s the cold or if he’s sick or something. 

Steven... really wants to hold her hand, or something, and he extends it for her— but she gets distracted and points at central park. “Let’s go!” He looks annoyed, but follows after her anyway. 

Spinel rushes in, but forgets to look both ways before crossing the street— and crosses at the red light. “No, no! Spinel!” but it’s too late, and Spinel’s in the middle of the road. A car nearly rushes towards her, but she squeaks and stretches her legs across the street and makes it to the sidewalk. _Phew_. 

Steven sighs in relief, and crosses the street at the green light. He catches up to Spinel and walks next to her, and holds out his hand. _Huh?_

“Hold my hand— I don’t want you running off like that again,” he says, sternly. She gets embarassed for inconveniencing and scaring him like that, but she really wasn’t used to this whole... bustling street and cars thing. 

They walk through the park together, and Spinel’s blushing as they touch hands. Steven finds a gelato stand, and gestures her to go in line. They wait, and Steven orders both of them Strawberry ice cream. Their favorite.

They walk towards the nearest bench and sit down— Spinel is clearly enjoying hers as she smiles. 

Steven watches her eat, and Spinel accidentally drips ice cream on her coat. She gets flustered and panics— and Steven hovers her and cleans it off with a napkin. He’s rubbing her chest as he wipes it, and she squirms. “There,” he says as he finishes. Spinel exhales. _I know he means well and doesn’t know what he’s doing but, ugh, this is too much!_

Steven and Spinel finish their cups, and Steven takes hers and throws both of them away. He sits back down, and they both admire the park scenery. 

Suddenly, a little girl with space buns and her mother pass by. The girl is doing cartwheels, while her mother laughs with her as she follows.

Obviously, she can’t help but feel reminded of her younger self and Pink when seeing this. She doesn’t want to admit it but... she misses her Diamond, so much.

Steven notices her look a bit down... he looks away and starts inching his finger closer to her hand. It takes a while for her to notice, but the second she does shockwaves pass through her body... over a finger. 

Spinel looks to the opposite side of him, and nears hers towards his too. Soon, he slowly puts her hand over hers, rubbing her thumb. Spinel can hardly breathe— why is he doing this?! She thought he rejected her at the battlefield. What about Connie!

He clasps his hand over hers, and they’re both flushing red and sweating bullets. (Oh, you can definitely tell Steven’s a virgin.)

However, Steven can’t notice but feel Spinel’s hand trembling. She covers her mouth with her other hand, and Steven looks towards her. She... was crying? 

Spinel’s quietly, quietly sobbing to herself next to Steven... in public. What happened? 

“Did... I do something wrong?” he asks with concern.

Spinel shakes her head. “No, no. You’re fine. I was just overwhelmed.”

Ah. He understands. “After seeing someone who reminded me so much of myself— and you suddenly touchin’ me like that... it was a lot for me.”

Especially since she hadn’t been touched like that for six thousand years. Even if they do something simple like brush hands on a park bench, it will always be a momentous occasion for Spinel— and he respects that. 

She wipes away her tears, and he gently pulls her hand and holds her in an embrace, rubbing her hair. “I’m here for you, Spinel. You’re not alone.”

She can’t help but feel like a nuisance like this... she feels like an anxious kitten being pet by their owner. She really, really doesn’t want to annoy or disturb him anymore, especially in public. 

“I pro-promise I won’t do it anymore. I won’t cry anymore, I’ll be strong.” Steven lets go and holds her hand. “You don’t have to apologize to me for anything, Spinel— it’s okay to feel. I know how much you’ve bottled up for centuries. It’s okay.” 

Spinel nods. Compared to the men she sees on T.V. and the media, Steven is just so... different. He has a bit of a feminine charm, and he’s so in tune with his feelings. She wishes other girls could see how special he is— for now, she’s happy to keep him for herself. 

The sun starts to set, and Steven stands up. She starts to yawn a bit, and Steven takes her hand. “Let’s go to one last place,” he says. He guides her to another section of the park, and she trails behind him, staring at his back.

♪ [A Special World - Steven Universe Official Soundtrack](https://youtu.be/pMzKgiaOe6w) ♪

They finally arrived, and Spinel gasps at the sight of a beautiful ferris wheel— as it’s getting darker, it starts lighting up. “This is the perfect time to see the city,” he adds. Let’s go.

Steven and Spinel make the line, and it’s finally their turn to go in the cart. Spinel goes first, and Steven ducks as he enters, sitting on the bench across from her. They sit awkwardly, avoiding eachother’s eyes, until they wait for the ride to start. 

Spinel starts to jolt a bit as it cranks up— and Steven can’t help but notice her shakiness. He reaches both his hands across the cart to hold hers, and she anxiously nods. “Nothing’s going to happen, okay? I’m right here.” 

Spinel and Steven gaze out the window, and as Spinel nears the corner of the cart Steven grazes his hand on her back to comfort her. “See? Look how beautiful the Earth is.” She smiles, but can’t help but feel guilty as she’s reminded of her past actions. 

Spinel reaches for his hand and rubs it. “I’m... sorry for trying to destroy your planet. I know how much it means ta you— I understand that the Earth truly is _a special world_ , now,” she confesses. 

Steven chuckles: “I know you do, Spinel. That wasn’t you, of course you love this world! You can’t tell, but you’re so much different now... you’ve changed... everything’s changing.”

“It is?” 

“...Yeah. I didn’t want to admit it, but it is. Beach City is being rebuilt, we’ve kickstarted the Homeschool, Homeworld is transforming itself into a utopia... Connie’s in her first semester of college after cramming so hard for the SAT and APs, and she told me  she’s made so many new friends with the same interests as her. All these people I knew and grew up with are suddenly leaving me, I can’t help but feel them—“

“Drift away,” she says, finishing his sentence. Spinel looks down at his hand.

Steven sighs. “Yeah.”

Steven starts to finally recognize the parallels between him and Spinel. So this is how it felt all those years, huh? Seeing the people you love outgrow you and move on, forging their own destinies.

Finally, the cart begins its descent to the city square. Steven steps out, and takes Spinel’s hand. She can’t help but feel a bit lightheaded after all the motion. Steven notices and rushes to the nearest food stand to buy her (and himself) a crepe. He gives it to her, and they quickly eat as they start heading home.

Spinel rubs her eyes and yawns. As they walk back, she almost trips over her feet.

She’s... just so fatigued, all of a sudden. Not just from all the things she did today, but from all the dramatic emotions she experienced as well.

He takes notice. 

Steven suddenly bends down, and holds her by the waist. _Huh?_ He then lifts her up, and he puts one of her legs around him, and she follows, and wraps around puts the other. She hesitantly wraps her arms behind his neck, looking down at his back in confusion. Spinel then looks at the town square, lightly bouncing up and down, as he walks away.

He wanted to carry her home, it seems. Did she look that sleepy? 

Spinel sighs and leans on his shoulder... Usually, she’d be hyperventilating at Steven holding her like this, but she’s so mellow right now— and she would also like to savor the bittersweet moment they’re sharing without ruining it like she did last time.

She can’t help but feel ashamed of being held like a toddler, though, but she was so weak right now.

She realizes what a protective nature Steven has. He’s always looking after her, and isn’t afraid to carry her or hold her hand when she needs help.

“You looked exhausted,” he finally comments behind her ear after walking for some time. “I thought you were gonna pass out on me there.”

“Mm,” mumbles Spinel as her lips rub against his shoulder. She tightens her leg’s grip around his back so she doesn’t fall off. Thankfully, with Steven’s superpower strength, he can carry her anywhere with ease. 

Spinel can feel Steven’s raven hair brush upon her cheek. Spinel... has never actually touched his hair this way before, she realizes— so she gently plants her palm behind his head. It takes him by surprise for a second, but he starts to calm down as she rubs it softly. She feels him purring under her, and Steven brings her face closer to his cheek. But as much as Spinel enjoys all this, she can’t help but feel a bit guilty.

“What about Connie?” she asks as she looks at the sidewalk floor.

“Connie... and I, our relationship is complicated right now. She said she wanted to put everything on pause so she could focus on school.” I see.

”Connie has met so many awesome people— who are just as smart as her. Way smarter than a loser like me— I-I never even went to school! And even though I try to call her every week, she’s always too busy studying to respond. I’ve... felt a bit lonely since then, until you came.”

Spinel felt lonely too, and she’s glad they’re together like this, but she can’t help but tense up as she realizes the nature of their blooming relationship.

“So—so I’m your little— side dish, huh? Until she gets back? You’re gonna take advantage a me now ta cure ya loneliness, Steven?” she starts to raise her voice, intensifying her accent. 

“What? No, no—“ he squeezes her tighter. “I’d never do that, Spinel.” Steven shifts Spinel’s body and makes her face him— “I’m not like her, okay?” he looks at her in the eyes, wiping the hair off her face, clearly referring to his mother. 

He’s right. Why did she say that? She always jumps to conclusions, but she knows it’s because of her mental illness.

Spinel feels embarassed to have even said those horrible things, so she buries herself in his shoulder in hiding. “I’m— I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

Steven sighs as he caresses her hair this time— causing Spinel to shiver for a moment. “I know you didn’t.” 

He keeps walking, and Spinel starts thinking about why they even came here in the first place: he remembers that earlier Steven had been fighting with the gems. They even started yelling at each other too, which she had never seen before. Based off what she had seen two years ago, she thought their relationship was perfect— but she guesses that wasn’t the case. 

“About what happened earlier with the gems today,” she asks, “What happened? Why were you guys arguin’?”

Steven sighs, as he prepares to tell her the truth. 

“They... they want you gone,” Spinel can’t help but notice a hint of sadness in his voice.

“Huh?”

Oh, that breaks her heart, but she still tries to remain unfazed as to not worry him. 

“Why?” 

“They just... don’t understand you,” he says. “They think you do your outbursts on purpose to get my attention, but I know that isn’t true. I know you’re suffering, Spinel, and they don’t see it. It’s frustrating, honestly. They’re so comfortable with themselves they won’t bother to get to know you.”

She looks a bit crestfallen. Was she ruining their relationship? Was she the source of all their problems? Would it be better if she were gone? 

”The Gems... they don’t really like change. They have a system they follow, and they’re strict about it. Like, it took them a while to accept Lion, and once, my dad stayed over for a week— and they freaked out! They wanted him out too.” She understands. 

“When I found out they thought of you that way, I... I exploded. They didn’t know you like I knew you— to me, being with you is like being in another world. _A special world_ ,” he adds, and she can’t help but grin. “That’s why I really needed to squeeze your hand back there, because I was thinking about all their accusations, and, and I was gonna get furious and break something,” he concludes, ashamed. “I... tend to break things when I’m mad.”

”I do too,” she smiles. Steven can’t help but chuckle as he thinks about how much they actually have in common— despite originally seeing her as his nemesis two years ago. So much has happened since then. 

“B-But with time, I’m sure they’ll come around. I know it. You’re special, Spinel— and it’s their fault they can’t see that.”

”The Gems think you’ve made my life worse. But in actuality, you’ve... given me a new purpose, if that makes sense?”

”Huh?”

”Yeah— like, ever since I ended Homeworld’s rule and defeated all my enemies, I haven’t really had anything to dedicate my time to. B-But suddenly, you came out of nowhere— and you needed me! And I want to help you now.”

”You’re my new mission.” 

Spinel holds him tighter and smiles. 

Steven and Spinel finally arrive to the hotel. The door opens for them, and Steven heads up the elevator. They reach their floor, and Steven pulls the keycard out of his pocket, fumbling a bit as he’s still carrying Spinel, and opens the door, lightly kicking it. He places Spinel on the bed— and as he hovers over her, she doesn’t let go. _Huh?_

Spinel leans towards his ear, sending shivers down his spine. “I’ll— I’ll win your heart, Universe,” she concludes. She lets him go, and Steven gulps, blushing intensely. He composes himself and heads to the shower, waving goodbye to her.

Spinel sighs as she rolls to the side, and finally falls asleep. They were to leave in the morning.

But thankfully, she can start a new day with wonderful memories of Steven, in this special world. Now that his relationship with Connie was fading, it was time for her to initiate her plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh i made so many typos  
> but theres gonna be more chapters like this one :)


	11. Not Good At All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel sneak out at night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> added 06/28 to fill some gaps in their relationship. enjoy!!

“Woohoohoo!” woots Steven as he rushes out the grocery store door, holding numerous paper bags, with Spinel running up behind him, cackling.

“Quick, quick! To the car!” shouts Spinel, and Steven and Spinel quickly make it to the car— nearly slamming themselves against it, and they both open their sides of the car door and jump inside.

Spinel and Steven dump their bags to the backseat, and simultaneously lean against their car seats, panting in sweat.

“See, I knew we’d get away with it!” laughs Spinel. She raises her arm up, and Steven passionately slaps her hand in a high-five. Teamwork!

Spinel and Steven had just rebelliously raided a grocery store on the outskirts of Beach City, stealing as many candies,chips, and sodas as they could.

It took some time to convince him to do it with her, as Steven always followed rules and had never stolen before, but after two years of avoiding evil, or any kind of battle or excitement, he started to miss that rush of adrenaline, so he complied.

They made a pretty good team, too— Steven and Spinel went in together, huddled behind Steven’s shield so the cashier couldn’t identify their faces. Spinel lunged towards the cashier and tied him up with her elastic arms, and muffled his screams as Steven took all the snacks he could. They succeeded, and they rushed out the door without getting caught. 

Spinel can’t help but be a bad influence for Steven now— after all, she’s gotten him into so much trouble before— but this kind of behavior was way different than Connie’s. Connie would never pull a heist with him like this, and most of their dates were relatably tame. He couldn’t help but get bored.

Not that this was a date or anything, of course.

Not to mention that, even though Steven was almost fully an adult now, he never once did anything like this. While Lars and the Cool Kids did all sorts of wacky things and broke so many laws and went on so many adventures, Steven always had to stay at home with the gems. He couldn’t help but feel that he lost a part of his youth to his battle against Homeworld, but he was happy to be able to experience this with Spinel— after all, she missed out on a lot, too. 

So instead, they decide to commit crimes together for fun. Not good at all. 

Steven turns around and grabs a paper bag, and hands Spinel as many chocolate bars and lollipops as he can. They both giggle, and Steven cranks up the music, blasting hard rock as they stuff themselves. 

“Oh, this one’s so good!” she says as she shoves chocolate in her mouth. Steven can’t help but laugh as he sees her mouth inflate like a chipmunk as she swallows the treat. 

They lean back a bit, looking at the stars together as they’re right in front of a cliff, overlooking Beach City. Steven lowers the window halfway, letting a slight breeze flow in, and Spinel rocks her head to the music, enjoying herself. 

Steven and Spinel finish their first round of desserts, and Steven nearly turns around to get them both sodas, but Spinel gasps. 

“Oh! You’ll never guess what I got,” she cheekily grins. 

“What is it?” he asks. 

She turns around and grabs a bag from the back seat— and pulls out two alcoholic beverages.

[ ♪ Not Good At All - Steven Universe Soundtrack ♪ ](https://youtu.be/nNZyl51iyTY)

“Alcohol?” he gasps. “Spinel, I’m not so sure about that... I’m not really much of a partier, or a drinker for that matter, haha,” he rubs the back his head. God, he must seem so lame to her, who’s always doing crazy stuff that entices him.

“Come oooon, Steven! I’ve never tried this, and I wanna taste it with you! It’ll be funnnn!” she pushes his shoulder, and he blows a short raspberry and rolls his eyes. “Pfff, fine.” 

Spinel squeals in excitement, and throws the empty bags to the car floor, but she struggles to open the can. After all she didn’t need to drink. She didn’t know how to force it open— she then tried to chew on the metal to try to break it.

Steven notices and chuckles, and gestures at her to give it to him. He grabs it from her hand, and he opens it for her with ease, returning it to her. She looks at him with a gaped mouth, amazed by his talent. Steven hesitates to drink it, but Spinel’s already chugging hers eagerly. Oh, this was gonna get wild. 

Spinel cranks the music up as she opens another one, and gulps it down. Steven stares at her, dumbfounded. Where did she pick up this behavior from?

Amethyst, probably. Of course. 

She finishes, and goes for a third one— then Steven grabs her wrist, “Hey, Spinel, don’t you think that’s enough?” he urges. 

“Nope!” she playfully shoves him away and continues drinking, leaning back into the seat. Steven’s heart starts to race as he gets anxious— she’s not budging, and she’s gonna get really, really out of control soon. He knows her at this point.

She takes the last one, and chugs it down, burping.

“Steeeveeeennn...” she groans after hiccuping. She faces Steven, and tries to look him in the eyes, but her eyes dart around the room.

Oh no, here we go. 

She wipes her mouth as she finishes her drink, and throws the empty can to the floor. 

Spinel extends her hands out and starts to clumsily rub his shoulder, smiling at him. “Mm.”

Steven tenses up, and removes her arm off him. He wasn’t gonna let this get any farther than it has.

“Spinel... you’re drunk. Really drunk,” he says, panting. 

“You’re bein’… ridicu-lush… ’m not that drunk, Stevie…” 

“Spinel, once I sober up a bit, I’m gonna drive you home.”

“Oh, c’mon... I know you like seein’ me like this.” Huh? “Clumsy... playful... _stupid_. I know ya took me here ta take advantage of me, didn’t cha?” her voice squeaks. “You planned the whoooooole thing.” 

“What!” Steven’s face flushes red, and he frowns. “No, I didn’t, Spinel— besides, you’re the one who decided to get alcohol. I told you to get us sodas!” he raises his voice.

“Detailsh, detailshh... same thing.” Despite Spinel’s blurry field of vision, she notices Steven’s reddened and strained face. “Hay, you look— hic— really tense there, Universh. Why don’t I help you out thar? Relieve some, mm, stress?” she reaches for his arm and starts stroking it affectionately. 

Steven holds his breath and closes his eyes, looking away. Come on, Spinel. Don’t do this now. 

She leans her head on his shoulder, and continues fondling it. He initially resists it, but it.. actually starts relaxing him a bit. She leans up to nuzzle against his cheek, and Steven scowls, furrowing his brow, but once again he gives in as she continues.

When... did she get so affectionate? She was usually so rough and aggressive with him— he expected her to be a really violent drunk, knowing her, but she’s surprisingly quite tame. At least for now. Spinel’s full of surprises and acts unpredictably, so no one ever knows. 

After some time,  Steven really, really, wants to shove her off now, but he knows he’ll upset her if he does, and that she’ll have another outburst. He can’t have her screaming and kicking in the car while he’s driving partially tipsy, or he’ll crash, so he has to give in this time. 

_ Don’t mess this up. Don’t mess her  up. Just play along.  _

Spinel clings to him, continously rubbing herself onto him, her elbow leaning on the storage compartment between them. She’s a bit shaky as she tries to clasp his hand now— it seems she was really, really touchstarved this time. He recalled hearing her cry last night— albeit softly. Was she okay?

Suddenly, Spinel tightens her grasp on Steven, wrapping herself around his arm. Huh? “Spinel, let go,” he commands, getting angry. 

“Just five mm-minutes,” she stares directly at him, pleading. “Just five.”

”Please.”

Steven sighs. 

It seems this wasn’t the first time she asked for something like this.  Steven had actually begun doing... favors, for Spinel.

She was so lonely, she needed someone to touch her, or hug her— even if they acted as amannequin to simulate her fantasy— and it was Steven who played that role for her. He honestly felt so guilty, like he owed her something. They’ve done it a few times, after Spinel begged and begged him to help her out; and he’d just stand still for her as she cuddled with him in bed or whatever, trying to make her feel anything. He usually spaced out during the entire thing, as it was admittedly kind of pathetic. 

“Mghm... okay,” he glares to the side, admitting defeat. Spinel leans nearer to his face and kisses his cheek, giggling as she sees him blush.

“Are you done yet? Saved gemkind?” asks Steven as he rolls his eyes. 

“Nooooope — hic!” says Spinel as she kisses his cheeks again, repeatedly, each time more exaggerated, noisier, and wetter than the last. Steven fans his shirt as he starts sweating, wishing she’d stop.

Spinel notices, and helps him remove his letterman jacket, throwing it to the floor, and she continues her expedition. She nears his face, and tries to touch his lips, but he shifts his face away, closing his eyes. His breaths get faster, and she notices him getting anxious, so she lets him go and sighs. 

Steven wipes his face with his shirt and looks down at Spinel, preparing for the waterworks.

However, her face scrunches up and gets visibly hot pink, and she twists her arm up and aggressively punches the glove compartment, smashing his car. _Augh!_

He tries to scream at her, but he can’t find the voice— instead he just looks at her in confusion, taken aback. The mood is so tense now.

“Am I just not good enough!?” she raises her voice, panting. 

Steven panics a bit, and tries to reach his hand out to calm her down, but she slaps him away in frustration. Steven winces, and backs away.

“I’m not good enough for you either! Just how I wasn’t good enough for Pink!” she punches the car again, screaming. “I’m just not good for anyone!” she punches it with her other hand, “I’m just not good at ALL!” she finally concludes, slamming it one last time, denting it dramatically. She then leans her forehead against the glove compartment, groaning. 

Usually, Steven was used to seeing Spinel have a breakdown and cry, but surprisingly she expressed her emotions through violence and anger this time. It seems she’s getting more and more frustrated with him now. 

Spinel raises her knees up, and hides her face in her lap, whimpering. 

“Spinel...” Steven murmurs. He’s... really not sure what he’s gonna do with her. If she keeps this up, or has an outburst in front of Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl, she’s bound to get kicked out. 

And he can’t have that happening— Steven, admittedly, felt a bit uncomfortable on Homeworld. He felt it was too structured, too robotic— and he didn’t want his dear friend Spinel, who’s so full of life and energy, ending up there again.

Plus, he... he kind of needed her by his side now, since Connie’s away. He hates to use Spinel like this, but he has to. He can’t be alone again.

Steven didn’t understand what this was all supposed to mean. He was just acting as a mannequin for her, to help her ease her sadness, but it seems way deeper than that now. He was just trying to be a good friend to her, as twisted as the situation at hand was— but he just couldn’t find the strength to kiss her.

Spinel reveals her face, and wipes off her tears and exhales. “I’m... I’m sorry. Thank you, f-for helping me,” she concludes.

_ You’re welcome, I guess. _

Steven composed himself, and turns on the ignition, preparing to go in reverse. He turns off the radio. Spinel looks out the window, looking at the stars, and they drive back to Beach City in the dark in silence. Their night of rebellious, teenage fun had come to a close.

She needed to grow up.


	12. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie returns to Beach City.

Spinel woke up early this morning, seeing Steven making himself breakfast. He’s humming to himself; he seems more cheerful than usual. He’s even smiling to himself! 

Spinel walks down the stairs and observes him. “You seem happy.” 

“Well, yeah! That’s because it’s the first day of Fall Break, and Connie’s coming back from her first semester of college! She started two years earlier, haha, ‘cause she’s so smart.”

“Great,” says Spinel monotonously. Pearl rushes in, with Amethyst trailing behind.

“Oh, Steven! I’m so excited to see Connie again!” 

“Hey, Pearl!” Steven continues flipping his eggs. “Haha, yeah, me too!” 

“What are you two doing today? You hadn’t seen eachother in so long!” she smiles.

“Yeah, things must have been super awkward between you two after your failed proposal,” comments Amethyst.

“Amethyst!” shouts Pearl as she smacks her. “Don’t say things like that in front of Steven!”

Steven’s face sours, but he calms down. “It’s okay.” He changes the subject. “we’re just going on a picnic by the lighthouse together!”

Spinel joins in. “What’s a picnic?”

“Well...” Steven thinks to himself, “a picnic is like a date in the grass! With home-made food and fruit.” Steven continues rambling about picnics, but Spinel doesn’t listen. Her face scrunches up and she becomes visibly angry, her scars protruding.

“We’ll see about that,” she mumbles to herself as she leaves the house.

“What’s up with her?” says Amethyst. Pearl shrugs. “I’m a bit worried about her...” Pearl chuckles awkwardly. 

“I’m sure she’s fine, she gets that way everytime I mention Connie for some reason.”

A few hours have passed, and Connie’s mom drives up to the beach near Steven’s place. Steven is waiting outside, with his picnic basket and blanket at hand. “Connie!”

“Ste-e-even!” shouts Connie as she rushes up to him. They both hug. Connie’s hair is slightly longer.

“So, how’s college?” The two talk. Spinel can hear them from the distance.

“Bye Dr. Maheswaran!” says Steven as he waves goodbye. Connie’s mom enters the beach house, eager to speak to the Gems.  He takes Connie’s hand as they both hike up the hill to the lighthouse. They place their stuff on the grass and eat. They talk for an hour. 

Spinel observes from afar. “What are they doing?!” she mutters to herself. Spinel can’t stand that stupid boyfriend-stealer; they’ve made so much progress and she’s ruining it!

Steven and Connie are sitting closer to eachother, looking at the clouds. They’re holding hands and talking. Steven giggles, Spinel groans.  Suddenly, Steven and Connie scoot closer to each other, and soon, Connie leans in for a kiss.

“Oh, hell no!” Spinel extends her legs and jumps in, splitting them up. She crashes into Connie. 

“Woah, hey, Spinel! What are you doing?!” shouts Steven, angrily. He can’t believe she’s ruining this for him!

“Giving her a taste of what she deserves!” Spinel starts winding up her arm and suddenly punches her. Connie screams, as Steven tries to split them up. Spinel punches Connie’s face repeatedly.

“Get! Away! From! My! Boyfriend!” yells Spinel as she assaults her. Connie’s nose starts bleeding. 

“What?!” shouts Connie.

”He’s mine! Mine, mine, mine!”   


Smack! Boom! Pow! 

”Ow, ow!”

“Spinel, Stop! Get off of Connie!” Steven grabs Spinel and pushes her away. Connie’s lying down on the grass, covered in her own blood.

“Connie, Connie?! Are you okay?!” he rushes towards her and grabs her hand to lift her up. Steven turns around to face Spinel, but she had already sprung away. He’s furious.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. I think I broke my nose,” she holds her hand to her face and moans in pain. 

Dr. Maheswaran hears the commotion, and runs up the hill. She came to check on her daughter, only to see her face bruised, her clothes bloody, and her nose disfigured. Pearl trails behind and tries to calm her down, but Maheshwaran has an outburst nevertheless.

“I should’ve known better than to trust you— you Gems! Oh, sweetie are you okay?” she bends down to hold her, and lifts her up. 

“Connie will NEVER return to Beach City, and she will never see Steven again.” They both gasp.

”Huh? Mom, no! Ow, ow, ow...”, shouted Connie, but she strained her nose in the process. 

“He’s a distraction and a DANGER, and she needs to focus on her future.” Connie cries as her mother yanks her arm and pulls her away from Steven and down the hill, and into the car.

”Wait! Wait! I can heal her!” Steven chases them as he licks his hand, but Connie’s mom refuses. “No, no more magic!” 

She slams the car door and drives away. 

Spinel cheers to herself after she hears the news, hiding behind a building, but Steven looks absolutely devastated. Connie and her mom drive away, as Pearl and Amethyst try to comfort Steven. They all return home.

Steven puts his basket on the floor. 

“I need to have a talk with Spinel, ” says Steven, clenching his fist and gritting his teeth.


	13. Over And Over Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven tries to talk with Spinel, but things take a turn for the worse.

Steven, Amethyst, and Pearl are back inside the beachhouse. 

“We need to do something about Spinel,” urges Amethyst. 

“We have to tell Garnet! She needs to know what’s happening,” yells Pearl, pacing back and forth. She’s freaking out.

“What!? No, no, Garnet will destroy Spinel! I’ll deal with her,” replies Steven. 

“Are you sure?” asks Amethyst. 

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m the one who has to put an end to this. Just go back inside the temple, I’ll wait here for Spinel.”

“Oh... Be careful, Steven,” urges Pearl. 

“I will.”

—

A few hours have passed, and it’s dusk out. Steven is still inside the living room, sitting on the couch. He thumps his leg anxiously, waiting for Spinel. “When is she getting here...?”

He abruptly hears a noise from upstairs. The sliding door in his bedroom. 

“Well, well, well!” Spinel crawls in, her face scarier than ever. Steven gasps. Did... she revert back to her murderous self? He’d sometimes notice remnants of her darker persona return to her these days.

“Spinel! Why did you do that? Why did you hurt Connie! She did nothing to you!”

She laughs to herself. 

“I did that so ya wouldn’t abandon me again.

_**Pink.**_ ”

She scowls, gritting her teeth. 

Steven’s eyes dilate. “Wh-what? I’m not Pink!”

“Yeah, yeah. I believed you the first time. I know you’re in there, Pink. You can’t fool me anymore!” She cackles maniacally as she extends her hand towards him, chasing Steven around the house. 

“Whoa, whoa! Spinel, wait, we can talk!” Steven dashes across the living room.

“I’m sicka’ talkin’! I wanna fight!” Steven gasps as Spinel launches herself at him. Steven shields himself with a bubble, and manages to roll away from her, finding a hiding spot. “Would you like to play another game?”

Spinel struggles to pop the bubble. “Hey, where’d ya go?” she’s blinded by the color pink, until she finally breaks through. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” she grins and laughs even harder, searching around the room.

He’s under the kitchen counter, but Spinel is getting closer. _Think, Steven. Think!_ Suddenly, he jumps into the air and pushes Spinel into the couch.

He puts his knee to her chest, weighing her down, and she’s clearly struggling. “Get. Offa. Me. Universe!” 

She grunts and punches his stomach, and Steven groans. Spinel slides off the couch and tackles him. Then she pins him to the couch next, towering over him. Steven is sweating, panting. His hair disheveled. 

He struggles for a bit, trying to fight back against her grasp, but after a minute he gives up. His breaths become heavier. “Spinel, please,” he groans desperately. “We don’t have to hurt eachother. Let’s just talk. We can just ta—ah!”

And before Steven can finish his sentence, Spinel abruptly kisses him. “Mm, mm!” mumbles Steven under her lips, trying to push her away. “H-hey, hey!” He protests with a grunt in his throat, only for it to be silenced by Spinel’s lips. 

“Just. Let me. Have this!” She kisses him again, and again, even more aggressively this time. Her eyes are closed as she tries to savor the taste of him. “Spinel, Spinel, wait—“ he says anxiously. Spinel trails her mouth down to his neck, and continues kissing and suckling at him. “Mm, ah!” he nearly whimpers. Her arms and legs are tied around him, and Steven’s unable to move.

“I’ve been waitin’ for this... for so long,” she smiles, furiously kissing every inch of his face. _You’re mine, mine, mine_ , she thinks. She continues to sink into Steven’s lips, and soon his face is covered in Spinel. “Ah, ah—“ gasps Steven as she becomes more and more needy. She finally concludes by biting his lip, and he moans a bit in pain. She pulls back, and wipes her mouth, and ultimately unravels herself. Steven just... stares at her, embarassed. He feels completely violated.

“What... was that! Spinel, what is wrong with you!” he shouts, raising his arms up. He sits properly on the couch. His face is completely pink, and he’s blushing intensely. Oh, he’s mad. 

“Oh, ya know you liked it, Steven! Bet ya never did that sorta stuff with Connie.”

Steven rolls his eyes, but then he pauses to think.

... She’s right, he thought. The most Connie ever gave him was a kiss, and a few on the cheek. They had never gone that far— maybe just a few make outs here and there. She _was_ two years younger than him, so even if he did want to do something serious with her, he wouldn’t usually ask.

And... surprisingly, he did enjoy it, but he didn’t want to admit it. He gets all hot just thinking about it. Steven averted his gaze from her, his face flushed and his lips moist. 

“Spinel...” he mumbles, looking to the side. “You know how I feel about Connie. I told you, Connie will always be my girlfriend.”

“But Connie’s neva around! And who says you can’t have two girlfriends? Don’t ya get lonely?”

“Well... yeah, but—“ He wraps his arms around himself.

“Then why don’t you let me take care of that!” she shouts. “You know I was made for you!”

Huh? What does she mean by tha— ohhh. 

“What?! No, I told you, I’m not my mom. You weren’t made for me!”

“Whatever you say, my diamond!” she says mockingly; then she flips over his t-shirt, exposing his gem. Steven’s face turns bright pink again as he tugs the shirt back down. “Hey!” He shouts. Spinel starts to shake and tear up, and punches him in the face.

Spinel looks at him in fear. _Wait, I didn’t mean to—_ Steven watches the blood drip from his nose and wipes it away.

Steven couldn’t believe she did that—he grits his teeth and curls his fingers into a fist. He’s infuriated with her, and he’s so tired of her little games. He wants to slap her, push her, kick her, punch her— for all the things she’s done to him. For nearly destroying Beach City. For trying to screw over his happy ending. For trying to kill him. For hurting him and his friends. For ruining his relationship with Connie. All the ways she’s inconvenienced him, angered him. She practically ruined his life! He grabs her wrist, and sinks his nails onto her skin. _I swear, you’re like a child_ , he thinks to himself.  _I want to strangle you so bad, give you a piece of my mind_ —  he draws closer to her face, his other hand on her neck. Spinel has never seen him so angry. And he nearly does strangle her, looking fiercely into her eyes, and Spinel lets out a cry in resistance, but instead—

Instead he forces her lips onto his. Harshly.

“Mmn, mmn?!” Spinel mumbles, her eyes wide open in disbelief. He goes deeper, becoming more aggressive to silence her. “Shut up,” he murmurs. Furrowing his brow, he cups both his hands onto her face until Spinel surrenders, shutting her eyes.

He lets go, his forehead over hers. Steven’s panting harshly. 

“St-Steven..?” says Spinel. Steven had so much anger towards her inside of him, she thought he was going to hurt her, _she deserved it_ , she thought, but instead he stares directly at her and he says—

“Again.” 

Spinel stares at him, mouth gaped. She hesitates for a moment, but before they know it, their lips meet again, and they both shut their eyes. He sinks his lips onto hers, nearly biting her. He lets go, and they pause. 

“A-again,” he repeats, breathing heavily; once again, they close their eyes and kiss. He kisses her again. And again. And again, experimenting with multiple angles. You can clearly hear their lips smack against eachother repeatedly. They part ways, and they pant. A moment passes.

“Again, Spinel—“ he commands her, looking down at her. He gets closer to her, and so they kiss over and over again, pushing themselves onto eachother. Their kisses become faster, harsher, noisier— Spinel melting at his touch, squirming. They go back and forth, like a game. Just as she thought she was in control, Steven packs her to the punch and completely towers over her, and she helplessly obeys his every whim. It’s like she’s under his spell. 

“Again. Again. Don’t stop—” he says anxiously, between breaths, grinding against her. This goes on for several minutes, his hands tying hers together. She can’t move, and he’s not letting her go.

He seems desperate, as if he hasn’t held someone like this in so long. He kisses her one last time, unable to resist— 

But he lets go of her anyway. 

They both look down, exhausted. Steven’s mouth is covered in Spinel’s pink lipstick.

He wipes his face and looks at his tinted hand. What the hell was he doing?

Steven’s eyes widen as he realizes he had been cheating on Connie. “I-“ He covers his cheeks as his face turns pink, “I-I-I don’t know what came over me, Spinel, I’m sorry! I should have never done that.” _Why did I do that?_ “ This never happened, please,” he says desperately, his voice cracking.

Spinel looks disappointed. _He’s back ta his ol’ self,_ she thinks.

He looks at her and panics, knowing she’s probably going to have an outburst soon.

“But, I-I needed that,” he admits to her. “I really did,” he says, in attempts to please her.  Spinel looks at him in shock, starry-eyed; she’s absolutely dumbfounded. Steven... had kissed her. He kissed her back.

He must have felt so lonely to do that.

“You... actually like me,” she murmurs. She thought he was going to get mad, or kick her out, or worse. She thought he was going to abandon him, like Pink did, but instead he just had so much pent-up frustration towards her. Kissing her was the only way he could let it go. 

She starts giggling at the thought. How ironic. The person she had been trying to kill likes her. Pink Diamond’s son, she thinks, likes her. After all she’s done to him.

Steven looks up, confused.  “W-Why are you giggling?” He frowns.

Her laughs become louder, and soon she’s hysterical. 

“Why are you laughing?” he asks.

Suddenly, tears start flowing out of her eyes, and she’s crying. 

“Why are you crying?”

She sobs and sniffles, and there’s an awkward pause. Steven groans. _Here we go again._ He wraps himself around her, and softly pulls her into an embrace. He caresses her hair, soothing her. They sit like this for some time until Spinel calms down.

Silence.

“I... don’t know what I see in you,” confesses Steven. His face is serious.

“Huh?”

“You’re... a mess,” he chuckles as he stares down her back, his chin on her shoulder. “You’re loud, you’re obnoxious, you’re sloppy, you’re annoying, you’re emotional...” He says, “you’re violent and explosive, you’re obsessive and you’re clingy,” he rambles on. “You’re nothing like Connie.”

_ Yeah, yeah, yeah, get to tha’ point. _ Spinel rolls her eyes as she looks at the wall. She can hear Steven breathe, feel his cheek touching hers.

“You piss me off literally all time,” he continues criticizing her, listing all of her flaws. She spaces out.

“ But even then, I have this... urge to protect you.” He holds her tighter. “I want to shield you from so many bad things. I want to shield you from what my mother did to you, and make it all go away.” He starts to tear up, his voice cracking even more.

Much like his mother, Steven saw the beauty in everything. And like his mother, he cried for them. 

“Steven...” says Spinel. “That wasn’t you,” her voices pitches. 

He continues rubbing her hair. “I want to fix you, even though I know I can’t completely heal you from the pain you’ve suffered. I can see how much it hurts. I know you don’t mean to hurt anybody on purpose, you just have trouble expressing your emotions and-and I can see that. I care about you, Spinel.”

For some reason, he’s the only one who can see the good in her.

“I’m okay, really,” she assures Steven. “I’m so much better now.” Steven sniffs.

She suddenly makes a noise, and seems uncomfortable. Steven gasps and realizes how tight he was holding her, and releases her. “S-Sorry.” He turns to the side and leans back on the couch, sighing. He wipes the tears off his face.

She’s starting to think that he needs her more than she needs him.

Spinel stares at him, and looks down at his hand.

She reaches out to hold it, and soon they’re sitting together, gripping eachother tightly. Their hearts don’t stop beating loudly. 

They just listen to each other breathe.

Goodnight.


	14. Feelings Flooding Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel and Steven clean up the mess they made in the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the weirdest thing ive ever written. enjoy! (added 06/28)

It had been a day since Spinel and Steven’s little... makeout session in the living room after their fight. Steven was so embarassed with himself after that, remembering how he demanded that she kissed him, again, and again, and again, even though he originally intended to avenge Connie. What the hell was wrong with him? He’s just been so out of line lately, especially because of Spinel. 

And of course, as they were fighting, they made a complete mess of the place. But they were so exhausted, they forgot to clean it up and fell asleep together on the couch, and Pearl woke up to a living room of destruction. 

And naturally, it was up to Steven to clean it up. After all, he was supposed to be the host. 

Steven’s brooming the floor, and he can’t help but notice Spinel just... reclining on the couch, her legs hiked up on the ottoman. She was digging a toothpick in her tooth, trying to pick food out of her mouth. 

She wasn’t gonna help at all now, was she.

He groans. Not surprised.

Steven walks up to her to confront her. “Hey, Spinel, this is your mess, too! I could use a little help.”

“And what am I supposed ta do about that, Diamoron?” He groans at the horrible play on words.

“Help me clean, obviously!” he stomps his foot. 

“Clean? Pfffffff—“ Spinel abruptly bursts out laughing, digging the back of her head into the pillow behind her. She’s absolutely hysterical, and starts kicking her feet up and down. _Oh, this was just hilarious to her, wasn’t it_ , he thinks as he rolls his eyes.

“I knew you were set back once you decided ta’ stay on Earth, but I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she admires her hand, neglecting his angry expression. “Me? A Spinel, one a the most luxurious and sought-after gems on Homeworld? Cleaning? I have ta laugh!” 

And so she does, cackling manically into her seat, covering her face. 

“You know Spinels were a rarity on Homeworld, right? We don’t have to... clean, pff—-“ and once again she’s caught in her own laughter, pissing Steven off even more. This was getting ridiculous. “You’re speaking to a Spinel that belongs to all three members of the Diamond Authority! I’m like, the best a tha’ best!” 

“Well, guess what, Spinel!” he points at her. “You’re not on Homeworld anymore, you’re in my world now, and you’re gonna learn to clean!”

Spinel kicks her feet back up, and puts her arms behind her back to recline, ignoring his demands.“Ya know ya don’t have ta clean anythin’ up either, right? You’re literally royalty. I mean, like, you’re tha’ crowned Prince a Homeworld.”

“Abdicated Prince, but still,” she concludes, as she buries herself deeper into the couch, closing her eyes, preparing for her first nap of the day. 

_Abdicated_... That’s right, he did fail to take his place on the throne. Steven had a responsibility and a duty to his people, to help unite Gems with the humans of the Earth, but he failed.

Spinel creaks her eye open as she hears footsteps, and catches Pearl walking by. She grins as she gets an idea. “Look, I’ll show you how its done, shrimp.”

“Peaaaarl!” she says in a sing-songy voice. She elegantly claps her hands twice to get her attention— Pearl hears the noise and turns around to face her. “Pearl, dear, why don’t you sweep tha’ floor for Pink Diamond and I here? Hm?”

They hear a door slam. Pearl just left. She didn’t even reply or react, she just left the house. 

Steven gazes down at Spinel, folding his arms and thumping his foot up and down. Now what, your majesty?

“Fiiiiine,” she groans, lifting herself with outstretched legs. Steven hands her the broom, and she aggressively takes it from him. 

“Okay, now sweep,” he says. 

“Uh... howzidothat,” she replies in a cutesy way, scratching her head in confusion. She... really had never cleaned anything before. 

Steven slaps himself in the face.

And of course Spinel starts giggling to herself after witnessing that, obviously. Free entertainment!

He opens his eyes and exhales. “Okay, just follow my lead.” He shifts behind her, enveloping her, and holds the broom with her, leaning on her shoulder. Spinel tenses up as Steven is ridiculously close to her— she can practically hear him breathing down her neck! But he seems unfazed, determined to just get this done so he can go back to bed. 

“Left, right, left, right,” he says, guiding her broom back and forth. She follows along, and starts sweeping. He then slides off of her and lets her go so she can do it on her own now. 

Aw, so soon? She was just getting used to his touch. 

“Yes! There you go!” he throws his hands up, pleased. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah— don’t get used ta’ this, Cinderella,” she mumbles grumpily as she cleans the floor. 

Steven grabs a bag of chips from the kitchen counter, and starts eating them as he watches her sweep. “Good, good!” he says, condescendingly, and she grunts in annoyance.

“You missed a spot,” he comments as a chip fell on the floor.

Spinel pauses and stares at it. Oh, she doesn’t like where this going. 

She sweeps it to the side into the dust pile in the corner, but when she looks back at the floor she was just cleaning, there’s another one.

“You missed a spot,” he says again, trying not to burst out laughing. 

Oh, that’s it! He thinks he’s so funny, eh? Well, Spinel here’s got a short fuse, and she starts wacking him with the broom. “Here, take this!” she shouts,  as she thwacks him repeatedly. “Ow, ow, ow! Cut that out!” he yelps in pain as she hits him again and again, making him drop the chips. 

He grabs the handle of the broom with both of his hands, trying to take it away from her, but she grips onto it tightly as well. Now, she’s growling into his face, with the broom serving as a barrier between them. They struggle for a bit, pushing into eachother, until Spinel starts to feel weak and lets go, panting. 

Steven pushes her to the couch, nearly making her trip, and she flops down in her seat. Steven _Aha’s_!, nearly claiming victory — _Woah!_ —until Spinel extends her arms and pulls him quickly into an embrace, passionately kissing him. The broom is on the floor. 

“Mmm— mghhh!” he mumbles under her breath as she brings him closer, wrapping herself around him even tighter. Her feelings from last night are flooding back to her— and she acts accordingly, eager to seduce him again with all her heart.

Steven and Spinel’s lips smack as he part from her, and he explodes on top of her, forcing her to unravel herself. “Spinel!” he yells, squinting his eyes closed in embarassment. His face is burning red. “Cut that out!”

But she won’t take no for an answer, and pushes him back to the couch, forcing him to lie on his back. She towers over him, hands between his head, and once again forces herself onto his lips. Steven, however, puts up a struggle, pushing back her shoulders— but fails. Then, he starts tugging forcefully at her pigtail. “Ah— ah— ah, ow!” she yelps, with one eye squinting. 

She leans back up, letting go of him, rubbing the back of her head. She sheds a tear. “Ow... t-that hurt. Not cool,” she whimpers. 

Oh, no. Steven starts to feel guilty now— he didn’t mean to do that. He lifts himself up and impulsively plants a kiss on her cheek as she was looking in front of her, catching her by surprise. 

Spinel’s face flushes red, and she strokes her face— completely in shock. She surrenders, and sits firmly on the couch, looking down. Her lips are trembling, unable to face Steven. 

Steven as well looks forward, and they awkwardly sit. 

After a moment, he inches his hand planted on the couch next to him towards her, holding it. She shivers, as usual, under his touch, her cheeks getting pinker. She looks away to the side, and Steven looks to his side, and they just sit there, Spinel fidgeting in her seat. 

Steven starts to slowly rub his thumb back and forth onto her hand.

Steven notices Spinel suddenly panting.

“Steven, stooop,” she moans as her eyes are shut. She squirms, shifting her thighs together. 

Huh?

He... rubs it again, a bit harder, and she gasps at the sensation.

_ ”Steven...” _

She moans louder as he continues— then bites her lips and grinds her legs together as he stops, wanting more.

Holy shit, is this turning her on? He’s literally just holding her hand right now. 

It... kinda makes sense though. She hadn’t been shown any affection in thousands of years— so it’s only natural that any form of physical romance excites her. She’s just so amusingly sensitive, though. He can’t help but want to agonize her more.

So he massages her a bit more aggressively, this time pressing down on her a bit. She leans her head to the side, “Mmmghghr...— Stevennn, cut it out...” her eyes still closed. And hecontinues stroking her hand. 

“Ah, mmph, mm—“ she moans, lightly panting. That... sounds like music to his ears. 

Wait a second. 

Is this a new superpower? 

Is... he telepathically fucking her by massaging her hand? 

Is that why she’s so suspiciously aroused right now?

He hears her moan again as he penetrates her hand one more time with intention, solidifying his theory. 

God, this is so fucking weird. The powers he keeps discovering every day as a gem are just so, so fucking weird. 

Well, it would make sense, since he’s an empath— he can usually tune into others’ emotions and feel their pain. And of course, he can read people’s minds, and see into their dreams and memories, too. It’s only natural that he can intensify their feelings or state of mind just by the rub of a finger. 

Oh, he’s totally gonna take advantage of this. 

He starts rubbing circles in her hand, going faster and faster. “Ah, ah, ah, ah— Mm—“ cries Spinel, trying to remain composed, but he continues rubbing into her, this time up and down. “Mm, mm— ah, Steven.”

She brings her hands down to her crotch to try to stop these feelings. Okay, this was getting insane. It was actually working, and she was getting so weak under him now too. She shifts her thighs together in discomfort, squinting her eyes shut.

She inverts her hand, this time inviting him to rub into her palms. Instead, he digs two fingers into her, pushing deeper and deeper from a greater distance across her palm. He goes faster, with more intensity, “Ah, ah, ah, ah— Ah, Steven, a-ah!” and Spinel nearly hyperventilates— then he thrusts one last time and she cries, burying her head into her thighs as she feels an electric shock pulse through her body...

Feelings flooding back to her.

Did... she just fucking come? Because of his telepathy? 

Spinel is panting now, covered in sweat. The top of her head is soaked, and she groans as her limbs feel lifeless. 

Steven looks down at her.

He... thinks he knows how to cool her down. Steven takes Spinel’s hand closer to his face, and lightly blows cold air on it, sending shivers down her spine. 

“T-Thanks,” she blurts out as she feels cooled down, still buried into herself, squirming. 

Steven just realized he can lick her hand and— um, eat her out— but he’ll save that for another day. 

With Connie, of course! With Connie. Yeah— this was just a test-run! What a good friend Spinel was, letting him test out his new power on her. 

Spinel finally leans back on the couch, and Steven lets go of her hand to give her some space. She wipes the sweat off her face, smacking her wet lips together to snap out of what just happened to her.

“You’re... wh-hay too overpowered,” she says between her final pants, facing the ceiling. 

She then turns her head to look him directly in the eyes intently.

“My Diamond.”


	15. Familiar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _and they were familiar!_   
>  _oh my god they were familiar_
> 
> [TW: attempted sexual assault.]

[♪ The Missing Piece - Steven Universe Soundtrack ♪](https://youtu.be/aNYiDEjEdmk)

“Spinel...” moans Steven as he wipes off the sweat bullets off his face. He huffs, staring at the violent gem under the night sky.

_**“This isn’t a game!”** _

He screams at the top of his lungs, shutting his eyes in fury.

 _Pow!_ Before he knew it, Spinel had punched Steven in the face. “Huh?”

Spinel winded up her arm again, punching him harder, launching his body off the top of the injector.

Steven yells as he slides down, nearly falling to his death. He wipes the blood off his face in fear. Suddenly he hears Spinel come closer, and gasps as he turns around, only to be picked up by her gigantic hand.

“Uh—ah, ah, ah!” yells Steven as he fumbles in her grasp. Spinel straightens her arm to see his pitiful face better.

“Ya know, I came here ta take my anger out on a buncha strangers,” muttered Spinel, gazing fiercely at the hovering Steven as she dangled him in the air. He looks down at all of Beach City and at all of the tiny buildings. 

“But now that I _know_ you, I wanna _kill_ you even more.” Steven pants anxiously, breathing louder and louder. 

Suddenly, Spinel lets go of a finger. Steven’s freaking out. Spinel lets go of another one, and another one.

And another one. Steven yells, as he holds onto his jacket. Steven’s gem is malfunctioning, and it isn’t working.

And another one. _Oh no_.

Spinel lets Steven go, and he falls down and down, thousands of feet in the air, until he hits the ground, cracking his gem. 

He’s dead, his limb body lifeless on the floor. _He failed_. Spinel laughs chaotically, pleased to have won the game— 

Until he wakes up.  
Steven lifts himself up, covered in cold sweat. He wipes some off his forehead. He had just taken a nap in the evening, but now it’s the middle of the night, and he’s fully dressed— jeans and all. 

It was just a dream...

_And she was a monster._

“Who’s a monsta?”  
Huh? Who was that? Steven removes his hand from his face, just to see Spinel lying next to him, innocently looking straight at him.

“Ah!” Steven yells, shielding himself.   
Spinels eyes widen, and she’s confused. She has no idea what he was dreaming about, or why she was suddenly scared of him.

Steven puts his arm down and sighs. He wasn’t gonna hurt her. Not anymore. 

She starts to piece things together.

“Were... were you dreamin’ about me?” she asked.  
Steven hesitated.   
“I. I. Yes...” he scratches the back of his head anxiously.  
“Was it a nightmare about me?” she whispers, looking sad.  
He couldn’t bear to break her heart like this, and remind her of her past self.   
“Yeah... it was. I was dreaming about you and I on top of the injector,” he replies. Spinel winces at the memory, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. “You... tried to kill me.” Spinel can barely breathe.   
“I-I...” says Spinel. “I’m sorry. For trying to kill you.” She looks down on her lap, ashamed.  
“I know you are, Spinel,” he assures her. “I don’t know why I had that dream anyway haha,” he chuckles, trying to lighten the dark mood. “The past is in the past, right?” He extends his hand to shake hers.  
She doesn’t comply.

  
“You’re... you’re never goin’ to love me, are you,” she says as she grits her teeth.

She ruined their relationship, didn’t she. She scared him off. He was never going to look at her the way she wants him to— he’s always going to go back to that horrible, violent memory of her, no matter how much she’s changed. She’s such a fool. Who could ever love someone after all of that?

  
“Spinel...” 

Her face turns pink, and she frowns. _She’s gonna lose him_ , she thinks. She’s gonna lose him to Connie, and she’s going to be all alone again and— and she has to do something! She tries to think of an idea, anything she can do to make him stay— and it hits her.

Spinel starts cackling, reminding Steven of her old self.

“I know exactly what it takes to win your heart, Universe—“ grins Spinel as she stretches her limbs, towering over him. She laughs hysterically as she corners Steven. 

“Wait, what?!” he shouts as he’s pushed against the headboard, injuring his head. Steven looks around the room, trying to find a way out, but he’s completely trapped. Spinel’s breathing down his neck, looking down at him violently. 

“If you won’t love on on your own,” she growls, “I’ll make you love me!” She lunges onto Steven, and starts pulling off his shirt. “Hey, hey!” he yells, trying to push her away. She grips his wrists, and they struggle together.

“Don’t try to resist me, savior of the galaxy!” she cackles. _You wanna play dirty, huh?_ “You won’t be needin’ this anymore—“ she gives up on playing nice with him, knowing he’s resisting her, and rips open his shirt. What the fuck! 

“Just let me show you what I can do, Steven—“ she digs her teeth into his neck, suckling and biting him. “Ah, ah!” moans Steven. “Stop!”

But Spinel has him tied down, and he can’t move. She continues kissing him, marking a trail up his neck and to his cheeks, smothering him. 

“Spinel, hey— we talked about this!” he grunts, trying to break free, but she ignores his demands. She repeatedly kisses Steven, again and again, tasting every bit of him. She finally has him to herself, she thinks, and her pulse is racing in excitement. 

She quickly moves to his lip, smacking hers against his repeatedly, sucking and making a little _pop!_ noise every time they part. Their teeth clash into eachother, and soon Spinel breaks through, her tongue inside his mouth. “Mmm, mh!” moans Steven, his eyes wide open. He grabs her by the shoulders, trying to make space between them, but she just leans closer and closer, overpowering him.

Spinel goes deeper, closing her eyes, licking and massaging her tongue against his as she explores his mouth. He’s completely covered in her saliva, and his face is aggressively pressed onto hers. He’s suffocating. 

Suddenly Spinel lets go, and Steven gasps for air— but Spinel doesn’t stop, and she continues her trail of kisses down his chest and to his stomach. She kisses his tummy, even his rolls, and he covers his face in embarassment.

“Spinel, c-come on,” he begs. He’s practically whimpering at this point, and his face is completely flushed red. He really didn’t expect this— he had just kissed her the other day, and he told her he was still conflicted about his feelings and needed space, but she didn’t listen. 

And once again she ignores him, instead feeling delight at the thought of him suffering, squirming under her touch. She smiles.

“I k-know you love me too, Steven,” she whispers desperately as she moves back. “And I’m gonna make sure a that,” she giggles, staring down at him with determination.

She lets him go, and he’s relieved to be freed, but instead she focuses her attention to his pants. She unbottons them, and her hands fumble at the zipper of his fly as she’s trembling with impatience and desperation.

“Come on, come on!” she urges, trying to spread his legs apart. This is her moment! 

Huh?!

Steven cannot believe she is doing this. He gasps. “Spinel, what—“ Steven remains frozen as he’s in shock, and he can barely move. She shoves his jeans lower to his thighs, exposing his underwear. 

“Spinel, stop—“ he regains movement as he realizes the urgency of this situation— he thinks this is the perfect position to kick her, but can’t bring himself to hurt her. “I just want to play!” she cries in desperation. _She’s so, so lonely._

Instead, he pushes her away.

_**“Spinel, this isn’t a game!”** _

He shouts louder than before— and the word _game_ echoes across the house, shaking the building as if there’s a small earthquake. Steven glows a bright, bright pink, and his cotton-candy hair puffs up.

 _Oh no_. 

A shiver runs down Spinel’s spine, and she freezes. That phrase sounds familiar.

 _He looks... just like her,_ Spinel notes.

She surrenders, and scoots farther back, giving him space again.

Steven closes his eyes and tilts his head back, relieved that it’s over. _Finally._ He wipes the saliva off his face, and returns to his former skin color. This was getting ridiculous. 

Spinel just stares at nothing, dumbfounded. She can’t believe she just did that. 

And she can’t believe she failed to seduce him. After so much effort.

She looks up at Steven, and he’s pissed off. He doesn’t even look at her; instead he just stares to the side instead, trying to organize his thoughts. 

_Nonononono, wait! I can fix this! I can make it better!_

She tries to lean closer to hug him, in attempts to fix this mess and make it up to him somehow, but he pushes her off. “Spinel,” he says sternly. She flinches, and immediately moves back. She fucked up, and she knows it. 

She miscalculated, and she underestimated Steven.

“I-I t-thought that’s what teenage boys liked, I—“ she starts whimpering, choking on her shorted breaths. She’s having an anxiety attack, and she’s hyperventilating. She had set up this whole plan, thinking she was going to make him finally love her, and, and—

He looks at her, and he’s absolutely disgusted. He can’t believe she’s stooped this low. Is that all she sees him as? Some sexual playmate? Spinel notices his face— he’s never looked at her that way before— and as he looks back at her she starts to tear up for the hundredth time. Absolutely pathetic.

Steven really, really wants to slap her right now. 

And he does. 

Steven raises his hand and slams his palm against Spinel’s face, so hard the noise sounds like a pop. He flinches a little, closing his eyes, knowing he’s never hit someone like that before. He really didn’t want to hurt Spinel, but he has to get her to snap out of all these... delusions. He doesn’t even look mad anymore, instead seeming completely emotionless and drained. He’s just so, so, sick and tired of this.

Spinel’s face is tilted to the side, and she barely reacts. She just looks dazed— unable to believe he did that. She brings her hand to her cheek. _Ah, it stings._ Steven opens his eyes, and his eyebrows are twitching.

“Stop crying, Spinel. You can’t manipulate me again.” 

He saw right through her.

Spinel’s face is deep pink, and she’s shaking. She can’t bear to look at Steven’s face, knowing he must be angrier than before. _He never resolves problems with violence_ , she thinks. _He’s definitely going to leave her now, just like his mother did._

She rubs her rashed, burned face and wipes her tears.

She deserved that. 

“You can do it again, if you want,” she murmurs. Steven rolls his eyes. _No, Spinel, I’m not going to slap you again_ , he thinks. 

“M’ s-sorry,” whimpers Spinel. “I’m sorry. I won’t do that no more, I p-promise,” she tells him in between hiccups. Steven sighs and looks at her with disappointment. His stomach suddenly sinks. 

This feels familiar.

 _Really_ familiar.

Like someone he used to be, and something he used to do.

No.

Like someone **_she_** used to be and something **_she_** used to do.

♪ [Familiar - Steven Universe (Instrumental)](https://youtu.be/OC_1Eo7mWBA) ♪

Spinel... really is completely dependant on Steven, isn’t she. Just how she depended on Pink.

She’s reliving her past trauma, but this time with her abuser’s son, _six thousand_ years in the future. He chuckles to himself. _Oh, the irony._

He finally understands how his mother felt to be with Spinel.

 _You really are a monster_ , he thinks to himself. He wants to tell her this, call her out on all her mistakes and wrongdoings, but he keeps quiet to avoid triggering her again.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry— I just wanted you to l-love me,” mumbles Spinel, looking down in shame again. At this point, she’s lost her voice. 

Steven really doesn’t know what to say to her at this point. First she tried to erase his friends’ memories, then she tried to destroy Beach City, then she tried to destroy the planet, then she tried to kill him, and then she tried to kill Connie, and—

And now she’s fallen for him and wants him to love her, and have sex with her? What? He doesn’t understand. Her feelings and the motives behind her actions are too complex for him.

This... wasn’t healthy. It never was in the first place, but still. It’s gotten so, so, so much worse. At this point it’s out of his control. He should have _never_ kissed her, or let her sit on his lap, or let her sleep with him on the bed. He questions if he should have even let her in when she practically came knocking at his door. It was getting too far, and she was clearly becoming obsessive.

“Are you gonna abandon me now?” she finally says, in between sniffles. He had been waiting for her to ask that, knowing how manipulative she is. This was so predictable, and he wants to cut this off so bad.

Steven’s stomach curls, and he’s overwhelmed with guilt. _This feels like a nightmare_ , he thinks. He can’t leave her like Pink did. He knows how lonely she is, and how much she’s suffered, and how much she needs him. He can’t make the same error.

But he’s also _exhausted_.

He also knows she’s going to try and kill him and his friends again if he does— she’s like a ticking time bomb at the this point. 

He can’t help but feel that her old, murderous self is still in there.

Spinel stares at him anxiously, anticipating his response.

Steven takes a deep breath.  
“No, Spinel. I’m not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, i’m up to date!!! i had been spending the past few days writing chapters in between what i already wrote to try to make their relationship develop a bit more gradually, so it took me some time to get this one done. 
> 
> if you’ve been reading since the beginning, thank you !!! like i said, i added new chapters, so be sure to check to see if you’ve missed any. 
> 
> i’ve also corrected SO, so many errors in my writing and fleshed some things out, so everything flows way more naturally now. please know i’m always rereading and proofreading. 
> 
> so yeah, shit has hit the fan, and steven and spinel definitely aren’t getting the happily ever after we anticipated. xD i feel kinda guilty making this ship abusive and toxic and violent but i feel it would be realistic and more interesting to write.
> 
> this should be the last of the angst and fighting tho for a while, so expect more smut and fluff. thanks for your patience. :) 
> 
> oh, i had to mention that this is 100% inspired from kirishama’s downward spiral one-shot, i love it so much and i feel it fits their dynamic so i wanted to incorporate it into this fic. i made it my own, but much much worse of course lmao.  
> ok that’s it. thanks again :+]


	16. Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel wakes Steven up in the middle of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote smut for the first time eyyyy  
> it starts out tame and simple befitting of a teenage virgin and his girlfriend but then shit hits the fan as usual lmao  
> hope you enjoyed! :) this was a challenge to write since ive never done this before.  
> also yesterday was sarah stiles’ (spinel’s voice actress!!) birthday!!!!!!! happy birthday queen!!!

* * *

It had been exactly two weeks since the little... incident Spinel and Steven had that night. The two weren’t in the best terms, and after that they barely spoke to eachother. Spinel, in particular, was too ashamed to even still live here at all, and the gems would take notice as she’d keep only to herself.

Spinel would do anything to avoid Steven during the day, leaving the house as he comes in, or memorizing what times he makes breakfast, lunch, and dinner for himself so he doesn’t see her walk past. When they would sit at the table together with the gems, they would sit there, dead silent, avoiding each other’s eyes. They even decided to sleep on seperate beds, and now Steven sleeps on the couch. He insisted, but tonight they were gonna switch, Steven returning back to his bed while Spinel succumbs to the couch again.

Spinel... felt alone, she admitted. She never had anyone to play with, and she’d sleep alone in an empty, cold bed every night. She would go days without talking to anybody.

And so did Steven, but he tried his best to conceal it to avoid worrying Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl.

The gems and Steven finish eating, and the Crystal Gems head back inside the temple. “See ya, Ste-vo!” waves Amethyst as she enters her room, and then Pearl and Garnet enter their own.

It was night-time, and this time it was Steven’s turn to sleep on the bed— the couch was getting uncomfortable for him, and he’d always wake up with a sore back. Spinel had no trouble complying, considering she barely needed sleep. But it helped her passed the time while Steven and Beach City were dormant, and it helped her shut down her intrusive thoughts.

Steven had recently come out of the shower, and he flopped to his old bed in relief. He was wearing the softest pajamas he owned, knowing he deserved the restful sleep. He sighs, exhausted from another long day, and he closes his eyes.

Several hours passed, and it was just and hour and a half before midnight. Spinel was downstairs in the couch, by Lion.

_Oh, he’s so soft..._ she thinks. Spinel reaches out to pet Lion’s mane, but instead he growls at her, scaring her.

_Okay, nevermind._ No petting. Not doing that again.

After being by her lonesome for so long, she starts to feel a bit desperate for any kind of comfort. Even Lion’s rejection stings her, even if he is an animal. _Was she that repelling?_ She wraps her arms around herself, trying to figure out a solution to her problem. 

She has an idea— Spinel goes up to Steven’s room, in search of some kind of plushie or pillow she can squeeze while she sleeps. She’s entered the room, and scans her surroundings only to see Steven sleeping.

_ Oh, he’s adorable. _ Her face glows up at the sight of him. Watching him sleep never gets old.

Spinel creeps up on him— he’s on the right side of the bed, and the light from the moon is shining on his face.

She... really needed to do this. She couldn’t help herself. 

Spinel gently climbs on the bed, and buries herself under the covers. Steven groans a bit, twitching, but he remains asleep.

Spinel needed any kind of affection at this point, and she couldn’t resist the sleeping Steven. He looked so soft, and smelled so nice, she thought.

Spinel inches closer to him, and starts rubbing her cheek against his shoulder, holding him. She rolls her cheek again and again, like a cat, trying to warm herself up.

“Mm-nm...” mumbles Steven.

Spinel shifts herself up a bit, and starts rubbing her cheek against his instead, up and down in circular motions. “Mm... mn.” His face is so, so soft— and it’s perfectly squishy. She smiles. 

She plants a small kiss on his cheek, hovering daintily above him. She’s so petite— just so small compared to him.

She once again plants her back on the bed, comfortably lying next to Steven. He rolls to the side, mumbling, and she wraps herself around him, relieved to finally be cuddling with him.

Finally, some warmth. They stay like this for some time.

Steven’s sleeping body rolls back to where he was, carrying Spinel with her in his arms, and Spinel lays her head on his chest, feeling his human heart beat.

She blushes— she had never felt anything like this before. It’s exciting! _Badump, badump,_ she hears. She’s buried in his chest, feeling his soft pajamas, and she gazes up at his innocent face. _My sunshine..._ Only he can make her smile again. 

“Mmm, hm.” Finally, Steven seems to be waking up, albeit very slowly. He yawns, and softly opens his eyes, feeling Spinel’s head pressing down on him.

“Sp-Spinel...” he whispers. Please, not now. He’s so tired, and he’s trying to sleep. He rubs one of his eyes, exposing his dark circles.

Instead, she just puts her palm on his chest, and gently rubs it in circles, massaging him. He closes his eyes. “Mm..” Steven sighs, seemingly enjoying that.

He groans a bit, recalling that Spinel’s on the bed again. _Please, just let me sleep._

He’s just so exhausted right now, he can barely move. At this point he really doesn’t care anymore. She can do whatever she wants, as long as it doesn’t interfere too much with his slumber.

He closes his eyes before even trying to push her off,  he’s so so so sleepy, and tries to drift back to sleep, hoping she gives up on doing anything with him. Spinel’s harmless, he’s decided, and he believes they’ll just end up forgetting about all of this the next day.

Spinel lowers her head to start nipping at his neck, embracing him. Steven lets out a small moan. She’s lightly suckling his skin, and he shuffles a bit. She continues, faster and faster as he pants. He’s warming up at Spinel’s touch, trying to resist while also sort of liking it? _What is wrong with me_ , he thought.

Spinel lifts one of her legs across his body so she can sit on his lap. Steven barely reacts, as he’s still drowsy.

Spinel inches closer to his face, and plants a tiny kiss on his lips. Steven’s face scrunches up a bit, and he furrows his brow.

“Spinel...” he grumbles. He starts to flutter his eyes open, gazing up at her. Her eyes are locked on his, and she’s blushing. She wonders how he’s going to react.

He was ready to say no and push her off again, but—

She just looks so needy. 

And so much softer this time.

Did she actually brush her hair today?

She bats her eyelashes at him, trying to convince him to play with her. He sighs, but he can’t bear to say no to her.

“Fine, we can play.” At this point _play_ means so many things, he has no idea what to expect from her tonight. Maybe it just means Hide and Seek this time, and Spinel has to run and hide just for him to keep sleeping. He chuckles at the thought.

“Just... be gentle, okay?” he mutters, closing his eyes to go back to bed. He’s too tired to do anything about this. Spinel practically squeals. Steven groans, expecting to be smothered in kisses or something. “Just be quick about it,” he whispers as he drifts off to sleep again.

Spinel observes Steven, wondering what part of his body she’s going to explore next—  _Ooh!_ she bends closer to him to reach his ear.

Once again, she just lightly nibbles at it. Spinel hears a small moan from Steven, and she continues biting him. Steven’s face flushes as he tilts his head to the side and squirms.  _That tickles._

Spinel moves her lips at the side of his neck, and targets that region too, simultaneously kissing, licking, and then sucking at his skin. Steven lets out another mumble.  Mmn... She continues, and he keeps making the softest little noises. She melts like honey hearing him.

_ Hook, line, and sinker. _

Now’s her chance. 

Spinel lets go and takes off her pants. She hovers over him again and draws her hand to his soft face, caressing it a bit. He mumbles to himself. He’s just too much for her.  _Oh, why’d you have to be so cute?_ She clears her throat to prepare herself for what’s to come. 

Steven gradually opens his eyes, disappointed that she hasn’t gotten bored yet. His arms are sprawled on the bed, his palms facing up at her. Spinel then plants her hands on both of them, and their fingers interlock against his will.  _What’s going on?_ he thinks, trying to keep himself awake. Spinel giggles, making Steven uncomfortable.

What was she doing to him this time?

And then she starts moving. _Oh no._

Slowly, Spinel starts grinding her crotch against him, back and forth, her chin pointing up. “Spinel, hey,” she goes back and forth on his crotch, for some time, grunting, “H-Hey, quit it,” until she bends down to draw closer to his neck. Once again, she’s sucking at it, holding his hands tightly as she does so, laying right on top of him. She breathes in and out, closing her eyes to enjoy each cyclical movement as she moves her hips against his. 

“Hey, wait— Spinel, Spinel.” His heart stops, and he can barely breathe. She continues grinding against him, and he almost chokes on air, as he’s never done this before or felt this sensation. Up and down, up and down, she goes, gradually letting out moans, immediately turning Steven on as she watches him, her eyes locked on his as she fidgets. _No, no, no_ _._ He tries to look away and gulps.  _This is so weird, she’s looking right at him while she does this._ “Spinel, come on— not now, Spinel.“ Please. This is too much for him. How is she not ashamed?

She doesn’t listen, and she moves faster, with more aggression. She tightens her grip on him, squirming. She’s blushing intensely, and her chest tightens as she lifts herself up, puffing her small breasts up in the air, and Steven looks up at her, kind of dumbfounded. Where did she learn all this?

_Steven..._ she thinks.  _After six thousand years... you don’t understand how badly I want you. _ She lets out a cry as she sharpens her movements — _ah!_

For all that time, she was waiting for Pink Diamond, her best friend to return. But now that he’s here with her, she sees it was her son all along. She waited centuries for him, for someone she never imagined could exist. He’s like an imaginary friend at this point.

She never expected that Pink, her platonic soulmate, would return to her as her future lover.

Although he’s still in his pajamas, Spinel is now riding against Steven, massaging his cock. “Hey, hey, wait—“ He shifts his legs together as she moves on top of him, thrusting her body up and down onto him, putting any sort of pressure on her clit.

“Mmnm, mn, ah—“ he goes, and Spinel places her hands over his shoulders. She buries herself into his hair, heaving. Steven can barely react. Her cheek brushes against his, giving him a tingling sensation, and he feels Spinel’s breaths as she lets out a few soft grunts. 

She’s... practically a dog in heat humping its chew toy. That hilarious observation totally ruins the moment, but honestly— when the fuck was there ever a moment?

God, this was totally insane. 

How could he let her do this? He told her so many times that he’s with Connie, and that he doesn’t feel anything for Spinel— yet here she was on top of him in the middle of the night.

He... lays perfectly still, as he stares at the ceiling and the moving fan, feeling her rub herself with his body. His breath hikes, and he can’t help but get a bit hot.

_This... feels kind of nice, _ he admits, biting his lip, closing one eye as the bed creaks, rocking back and forth. A light breeze grazes his face. He could get used to this.

He overhears the house door open and close— but he ignores it, as it’s probably just Lion getting his nightly fresh air.

“Mmph, mmph, mmpf,” Spinel closes her eyes, letting out a small whimper or two as she moves repeatedly, pleasuring herself with Steven. She wants to use him so badly, marking him as hers. She clings onto him again, but fumbles and trembles in the process. 

_Spinel... _ He looks up at her. She seems so desperate, her voice pitching every time she cries. He knows how lonely she is. 

And, as much as he hates to admit it, he thinks she can tell he’s lonely too.

He wants to reach out and hold her, or hug her, and— she lets out a shaky grunt, and she pants—  “Steven,” she whispers his name, sending a shiver down his spine. “Steven...”

”Steven... Universe.” 

_Oh, no, that’s... that’s too much._ Why’s she saying his name now, _oh my god_. He stops breathing and heat swells his cheeks. She’s moaning his name as she fucks him, as if he’s having a wet dream.

He can’t take this anymore. 

She looks up at him, as she keeps bouncing up and down, her eyes shut closed. She’s whimpering for him, practically begging him to come save her. Steven feels like he’s on fire. He rubs his thighs together and groans. Fuck.

_Fuck it_ , he has to help her with this. She deserves it after everything she’s been through, and he himself needs it too. _It’ll be fine, Steven_ , he says— _no one can know_. He doesn’t care about the consequences.

She must have wanted this from him for so long, and he was oblivious to it for two years straight. He can’t help but feel guilty about that.

He quickly puts his arm on her shoulders in support, finally giving in— she opens her eyes in shock, but she closes them again as she continues thrusting against him with more and more aggression, eager to finally be accepted by Steven. She has no time to waste, she thinks— _**it’s nearly midnight; the spell she put on her Prince will break!**_ She can feel his erection, and Steven’s blushing as he’s suffocating in heat. “Faster, faster—“ she urges.

His wet face is rubbing against hers, and he quickens the pace for her, with Spinel crying louder. Steven grinds against her,  _ngh, gah,_ wanting to fulfill her, wanting to do anything to make her happy again. That’s what he loved to see— Spinel happy. “Mmph, mh, mm,” grunts Steven as he holds her. They go at this for some time, with Steven’s hair becoming visibly messier, his forehead covered in trails of sweat. “Ah, ah—” He moans, closing his eyes as he feels the weight of her on top of him. He continues vocalizing, admittedly enjoying every small hump they share together. “Ah, mm, mn...” muffles Spinel in a bit of pain. It’s as if they’re playing a game— they’re totally into each other, and so they just grind together, passing their love back and forth. Spinel wants to show she’s committed to Steven, and that she’s grown and changed— _she’s not a little girl with silly pigtails anymore_ — and Steven wants to pleasure her for everything she’s done for him, while also expressing his newfound love for her. 

_ Love. _

Steven winces at the sound of that. No, no— he can’t be in love with Spinel. This was just... an experiment! Yeah, that’s it— he’s just a good friend— really good friend— who’s doing his horny friend a favor by helping her. They’re just two friends relieving stress together after a long day. That’s all. 

“S-Spinel,” he whines, flinching as she continues to nip at his neck. Their faces are right on top of eachother, and Steven can hear Spinel’s huffs, as she cries for more of him, grinding harder, exploring every inch of herself with him. Steven stares at the side table, moving back and forth with Spinel in his arms. Spinel inches close to his face, smothering him with wet kisses, showering him with affection— Steven inhales sharply; his senses are completely overwhelmed as he’s being touched by her in his most sensitive spots.

“Spinel, Spinel—“ he cries, his voice cracking. He shuts his eyes tighter, forcing himself onto her harder with determination, panting louder and louder— “Ah, ah—“ Spinel gasps, and Steven can’t help but enjoy her squirms. _Louder for me, Spinel._ Steven turns around to tower Spinel; now she’s lying on the bed, looking up at it. Steven puts one of his knees between hers, raising it so she can grind against it even harder. Spinel cries, quickly moving her crotch up and down his leg— “mm, mmm!” He follows her rhythm, and they move together in unison. “Mm, ah—“ _Deeper_ , she begs. _Y-Yes, please._

Again and again they go, both moaning loudly, sinking into eachother, like the horny teenagers they are. 

They grind into eachother for a few more minutes, slowing down to enjoy themselves, only to pick up the pace again, and Steven loses his breath. _Mmn, mm—_

They go back to their original positions. 

”Steven, Steven,” Spinel says, towering over him, opening her eyes to see him— they move up and down one or two more times, with all their strength, holding tightly to eachother, digging their nails in and then slowing down at the perfect spot until— until suddenly Steven groans loudly, and so does she, with Spinel letting out a gasp— “Stev— ah—ah!” 

They let go together, with Spinel opening her eyes as she exhales. Spinel falls on top of him as she experiences release. “Nngh!”

It’s over for her.

Spinel and Steven are both sweating and panting loudly, with Spinel’s cheek over his shoulder. “Mn.. ah...” Spinel wriggles her legs together, pressing onto Steven, finally weakened. 

She lets out a sigh. 

“Spinel,” he mutters, and he wraps her arms around her, holding her closer into a hug. This is what she wanted all along— to be held like this, and to be touched. _He finally understands._

She extends her body and wraps her legs around his. They lie together like this, trying to catch their breaths, and she tightens her limbs, squeezing him. He winces.

She pants on top of him.

Spinel grinds against Steven a few last times, this time at a slow, yet powerful, pace, holding her breath, her hands on his chest. “Mm... mm,” moans Steven, digging his nails onto her back as she feels the texture of his hair on her face. 

She shuts her eyes, and her mouth is on his neck again. 

Spinel feels her knee against his cock, and his pajama pants are wet and stained. So are her panties, which are completely soaked. They’re both so moist and sweaty.

One more time, he thinks. H-He, he’s not done yet— he thinks as he’s still aroused. Steven pulls her in one last time, unable to help himself, eager to be touched again. He enjoyed that so much, he thinks. She continues thrusting harder, rubbing her crotch and knee onto him in just the right spot repeatedly— Steven looks down, flustered for being so needy with her all of a sudden, maybe even using her— and then they go at it for a couple minutes until Steven feels completely satisfied. They’re quieter, this time, with Steven occassionally wincing when she thrusts harshly. He exhales after holding his breath for her.

They’ve finished.

He couldn’t help but notice how different she was this time. She’s usually so aggressive— hitting him, calling him names, cackling manically, screaming loudly... but this time she was just, just herself. And she gave all of herself to him. 

They just lie there, breathing softly against eachother now, trying to compose themselves. Steven can hardly move. 

Spinel notices him suffocating in sweat, so she lifts herself up to unbotton his pajama top, one by one. She gazes down at him and smiles warmly. He lifts himself a bit to take it off completely, and Steven lies there shirtless.

Spinel stares down at his chest and his soft tummy and looks away, blushing. _So cute..._ she thinks. Steven looks embarassed as well. 

She ignores his gem, as it brings back painful memories of Pink. He notices her staring at the diamond. She shakes her head— “no, you’re even better than her,” she then grins, and Steven starts to tense up.

_He’s... better than her?_ He can’t help but feel instant gratification at the sound of that. Usually he’d always be compared to her, and usually he was lesser than her, but Spinel, a gem who’s known her the longest, thinks he’s better.

Did he like all of that? She gave herself completely to him. Was she good enough for him? 

She has to make sure he stays with her forever.

Steven closes his eyes, ready to take a break.

Spinel looks down at Steven’s crotch, and starts to untie Steven’s pajama pants, beginning to pull them down. He opens his eyes. Wait, she’s going too fast for him. He was fine with the small stuff, but he’s not ready to do this. He... he wanted to save himself for Connie. _He promised her._ Steven almost hesitates, wanting to slap her hand or kick her, but he’s been enjoying this way much—he can’t resist it, and he wants to try— she’s right there asking him to anyway— and as she looks down at him with pleading eyes, clinging to his shirt. He makes up his mind.

He surrenders.

Steven helps her, and pulls them down with her, throwing them to the floor. Spinel’s clothes dissolve into a cloud of pink glitter, and she’s finally naked.

Steven swerves his and her body to the side, that way she’s embracing him as he faces the left side of the bed. He looks down to his boxers, pulling them down to expose his cock. 

Spinel doesn’t look, instead just staring directly at Steven, breathing on his face. Steven shifts a bit under her, pulling one of her legs up and pinning them to him, that way he can put himself up her entrance, _she’s already so wet, he can easily slide in_ , and he leans in, going inside her and deeper and deeper until he’s finally in place and she gasps and— 

Steven hugs her tight, and he just thrusts.

_Is this how it works? Is he doing it right? _ He’s so fucking anxious, he feels nauseous.

The Diamond pushes against Spinel, lying on his side— his face over her shoulder, her fingernails sunken into his bare back as Spinel cries in pain—

And he thrusts. He thrusts into her repeatedly, and Spinel just pants and gasps at every one.

“Mm— Mm— Mm—“ she cries, burying her face into his neck, wrapping her legs around his waist so she’s secured in place. She can’t believe she’s doing this with him, finally. She closes her eyes as his hips pound into hers repeatedly. She bites her lip, trying to hold back tears as he slams into her with even more aggression. 

“Mm— Mmh— Hmph—“ She moans at every one as she melts onto Steven, clenching his back. “Ah, ah—“ she whines as he goes faster, the bed rocking harshly. “Ah, ah! Mmn, ah!” This was his first time, he thought, he had to make a good impression. He had watched enough porn on the internet to know what this was like. He presses his lips onto hers, kissing her— he slides his tongue down her mouth, and their lips intertwine. 

“St-Steven,” she mumbles as she parts from his lips, burying herself in his hair. “Mnm—“ she doesn’t cry, but she’s starting to feel extreme pain inside her. He thrusts harder and deeper into her, creating moisture between their thighs.“Ah! Ah! Ah, ah! Ah!—“ she grips onto him tighter as her breath hitches and he notices this, arousing him even more. He always knew she was noisy, and it annoyed him, but now under the covers he sees her in a new light, and he fucking loves it. He really can’t resist her anymore. Lately Steven has started to see Spinel differently. 

**_She’s changed._** _In fact, she was changing this whole time,_ he realized— he just didn’t see it until now. A spark lights in him, and he gets a sudden rush of adrenaline. 

Steven just keeps going, completely focused on the pleasure this gives him, but he’s also determined to reward her, after seeing how much she’s improved. He hears cries in the background, but he ignores them as he grunts even more.

“S-Steven!” she yells, as she hears Steven roughly breathe down her neck. He goes faster, and faster, and pounds further into her— “Ah, aa-ah!” and she starts screaming— and he thrusts even more and more, hoping she liked that, his chest rubbing against hers, and— “Steven, stop! It hurts!” 

Huh? 

Steven looks down at his hand behind her back, clasping her, and he’s glowing pink. 

He tries to let go, but he doesn’t budge. What’s going on? He tries again and again, but he’s pink again. _Oh, why now!_ He’s not strong enough to fight himself— he can’t go back to normal on his own, and if he lets go he’s gonna hurt her—

_Oh no._ He’s definitely going to hurt her like this. What the hell is he gonna do?! He could literally poof her with his power.

She starts mewling, clearly in pain.

He has no choice but to finish this. 

Steven strains in place, trying to stop forcing himself onto Spinel, but he can’t. He just keeps going into Spinel uncontrollably, shifting up and down. 

She starts mumbling unintelligably— he thinks he hears his name. _Steven, please._

**“I d-don’t wanna play anym-more—“** she says under muffled cries. “P-Please, st-t-stop—“ she pleaded, her voice shaking from moving so much. She has a headache at this point. “No m-more game.”

Steven winces as he hears her cry, but he also can’t help but have pleasure hearing her suffer and shake under him. After all she’s done to him, he can finally make her pay as she’s weakened and in pain. It’s sadistic. _What kind of monster has he become?_ He really wants to stop, he does— but he has no control over himself in  this form, so he has to finish that way he won’t injure Spinel. He knows what to do. Steven closes his eyes and holds her tighter, hoping he can end this safely, back in his normal form— “G-Get ready, Spinel—“ he says frantically— he stops for a moment and then— 

Spinel shuts her eyes, whimpering. 

And then he pounds into her forcefully, even more painful than before, “Ah!” Spinel screams, begging him to stop. “Ah, ah, mm!” Steven shifts her body to the side, that way she looks up at him while she lays on HER back— and he buries himself onto her neck, holding her as he thrusts faster and faster, Spinel sobbing as she digs her nails down his back— he’s literally bleeding, covered in scratches now, but despite this he continues, thrusting at a superhuman pace. Both of her legs are wrapped around his back for extra support, and every time he thrusts she herself can’t help but bring him closer. He puts his hand under her head, cradling her, as he strokes her hair, trying to make it better. It really doesn’t get better, and Spinel’s practically trembling at this point. 

He grinds against her multiple times, and Spinel almost goes out of breath from panting and whining so much. She’s so wet, every time Steven slams against her soaked thighs it gets louder, and she secretes more moisture from her entrance. He’s fucking her senseless.

“H-Hey, I’m gonna be okay—“ she assures him, trying to stay strong as not to worry him—“I’m, I’m— mm, ah— I think I’m gonna come for you, s-sunshine—“ she moans as her breasts bounce up and down. 

Steven makes a strangled noise, and she’s so wet and moist, dripping in sweat, and so is he, and he squeezes Spinel tight, preparing her, pounding at her once more and— 

Spinel cried out one last time, as Steven’s semen bursts into her and she herself orgasms. Her vision nearly fades to black from the pain, and she grips onto Steven, bawling from how much he hurt her. He holds her tight, twitching as his color fades away. 

Steven ejaculates the last of him inside her, grunting into her— and she moans, as he finally slips out of her. He looks at his arm, and he’s no longer pink. He’s normal again, thank god. He could have killed her with his strength. The only way he could force it out of him was by doing that with her, releasing all that tension.

Spinel’s legs are hiked up, wrapped around Steven’s hips, and her arms grip behind his back. She lets go, panting excessively as she lays on the bed, totally naked. She’s covered in semen, and for some reason it sparkles brightly. 

Oh, come on. That’s magic too? 

Steven groans, and Spinel closes her legs, hiding her genitalia as she turns pink. Then he slips off the bed, and walks across the room to grab several thick wet-wipes off his desk. 

Spinel’s sitting on the bed, and he stands in front of it, asking her to lay down and open her legs for him. _Huh? No, it’s okay, he doesn’t have to,_ she gets so flustered, but he insists anyway. She knows it’s gross if she just lays there like that, staining the sheets. She turns herself that way he has more space, and she hesitantly spreads her legs wide open, her face shifted to the side. Her heart is racing and she holds her breath. She can’t look at him when she’s in this position, at his mercy.

But she remembers that’s her purpose. He’s _her_ diamond, and she was created for him, even if he takes another form now. She belongs to him now, and after all, it was her job to make him happy.

She starts to accept this fact now.

Steven leans over, and starts to wipe her inner thighs which are now bruised— ah, it’s cold to the touch— and he removes the semen off of her. 

However, as he wipes her bruised area, she’s magically healed.

He goes down her legs, and then back up to her stomach, cleaning. Once she’s done, she squirms and shuts her legs, but he inserts a knee between them, and she’s blushing intensely, knowing whats to come— she covers her face as he grabs a new one, and she opens up again, Steven slowly cleaning her vagina— he initially shut one of his eyes in hesitation, a bit anxious to be doing this so suddenly, but he really couldn’t let the gems find out about this so he just kept wiping, removing all traces of him from her body. “Mm, mm...” she closes her eyes, quivering. “Mmh, hm.” He rubs the moist towel against her clit, she nearly lifts herself against his hand as he does so, wishing he could feel her inside him, even if it’s just a finger— she lets out an exhale as she shivers at the thought of it. He cleans her one last time with a new one, making sure he didn’t miss anything, and throws the wipe in the trash can. 

Spinel closes her legs, laying down. She shifts to side, with one of her knees being lifted up to cover herself again. _You’re literally his possession, Spinel— you were meant to please him and bring him endless entertainment—why are you so shy around him?_

**_After all, we’ve met before,_** she recalls, having known each other for thousands of years. Why, he met her, walked with her once upon a dream. 

She’s delusional.

Steven then proceeds to clean himself with a towel, rubbing any traces of Spinel next. “Mmm— hm—“ he hums, as he has no choice but to massage his cock as he does this. He feels... so, so awkward to be doing this in front of her with her watching, so he turns around. Spinel closes her eyes, her lips quivering as she can barely breathe again. She’s so... weak around him. When did she get so weak? _He was supposed to be the powerless loser, not her_ , she thought. He wipes his inner thighs, and then the rest of him, and throws the paper in the trash again.

She gulps. 

Steven takes his underwear from the floor and pulls it back up, securing it onto him. 

She got what she wanted. She.. finally had sex with Steven. After knowing him for two years— or six thousand, depending on which part of him you ask.

It... feels weird to be doing this with Pink’s son. It feels so wrong. Does Pink feel what he feels? Is Pink in there, watching him fuck her? Spinel starts to panic a little.

She tries to change the subject, and focuses on just Steven this time. Just Steven.

Her _best friend,_ she recalls. But this really isn’t what best friends do though, is it.

Spinel stares at him, holding her breath. She gets shy again as he hovers over her, and she turns her head to the side— but as she does so, she gradually opens her arms, requesting an embrace from him, like a little girl eager to hug her father. She... really needs him in her arms. She just wants to be held, even for a fleeting moment.

Steven weakly smiles. He bends down and opens his arms as well, and as she scoots back, he presses onto her chest, enveloping her around him. She brings his cheek to hers, and they fidget a bit. 

And they just lay like this, cuddling. Once again he strokes the back of her hair, and she strokes his. They lie still— and finally sigh in unison after holding their breaths, and just breathe softly in each others’ ears. Spinel rubs his back and raises her leg to wrap it around Steven, and Steven just grips tighter. 

They hug— her bare breasts— and gem, pressed onto his chest. His gem is pressed onto hers, and they shiver as they’re both cold, their stone gems pressing against their skin. They shift to the side that way Steven’s shoulder and hip can lean on the bed, and Spinel leans against his body, holding him. Steven has is hand on her ass. 

Spinel dives into his neck again, and rubs her nose against it— Steven softens, a bit tickled. “Mm—“ next, she rubs her cheeks with his shoulders. He giggles and looks away.She’s so soft, and cute, and affectionate. Despite how annoying she was, he couldn’t help but miss her peppy, youthful self, who always held him. Spinel has such a dominant personality now— he couldn’t help but want to feel in control sometimes, too. He likes that she depends on him.

They just hug like this. Spinel just puts her cheek against his chest, feeling him breathe, his stomach moving up and down. 

She closes her eyes, falling asleep, practically purring— and Steven mumbles something to her as he cradles her.

** ”S-Sunshine.” **

Hm? 

“I-I like it, w-when you call me Sunshine.” He smiles awkwardly. Spinel smiles back, and simply lifts her head up to kiss him. Steven blushes.

Always a bit of a late bloomer, Steven finally had sex with a girl, at eighteen... although not with the one he originally wanted, he sighs.

_But this one might be even better, he thinks._

He rubs the side of her arm, admiring her, and they both go to sleep, completely worn out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u kno how steven universe started out as a boy eating ice cream and then jumped to his mom killing a dictator and starting a war, only for her to be said dictator and stage her own death and then sacrifice her physical form and create her son to escape all of her horrible mistakes, abandoning her followers and forcing them to raise him just for the boy to inherit all her problems and have to defeat all her past enemies and become a galactic ruler even tho he never asked to be born ? leaving him with horrible trauma and guilt and responsibility even tho hes only like 13? :)
> 
> well this chapter was about a teenager and his girlfriend casually making out —only for her to realize that hes practically her god and that she should obey his every command and please him because he technically made her to entertain him, even if it was in a past life, but if she doesnt successfully satisfy him and make him happy, even with something as extreme and fucked up as sexual favors, she’ll destroy herself knowing she failed her sole purpose in life :) but only spinel is aware of this and has to deal with this inner turmoil while oblivious teenage steven just wants to be loved and has no idea what chaos is unraveling inside her head :) help :)
> 
> let me know what u think !


	17. Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel play games together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff and smut ! this chapter starts out very fluffy, focused on comfort like some of you requested, but then goes to smut. this will be the last of the sexual chapters for a while, and ill just be focusing on fluff and relationships and the story. i have a twist and some subplots for the story coming in soon so this fic isnt ending anytime soon haha :D  
> enjoy and once again let me know your thoughts

Nearly a week had passed since Spinel and Steven had their first time together. 

And it was safe to say, they were addicted to sex. After all, they _were_ teenagers. 

And Steven was just about ready to feel like an adult. 

As the gems would go in and out of the house, going on missions, running chores, helping out Beach City, Steven and Spinel would consistently sneak around and took every opportunity they took to meet. 

Spinel hadn’t been touched by anyone in six thousand years, he recalls— so he’s just trying to make up for his mother’s mistakes, centuries in the future by paying her favors. 

They’d practically have sex every day, over anything really— they’d find a different reason for every time. If Spinel noticed Steven was stressed, they’d fuck to cool him down. If Spinel felt cold in the middle of the night, he’d fuck her to keep her warm. If Steven wanted to reward Spinel for any good behavior, he’d gladly fuck her, and so on. Steven and Spinel had two years worth of romantic tension bottled up, and Steven himself was eager to explore his sexuality. They couldn’t get enough of eachother.

This day was no different. 

The Crystal Gems were off on another mission and had warped away, leaving time for Spinel and Steven to meet. During their time together, they’d usually do the same thing, as Steven was afraid of leaving his comfort zone, but today they were determined to make a change. 

Together. 

Steven had just recently woken up, and was sprawled on the bed. He had bedhead, and his hair was even fluffier than usual today. Spinel didn’t really sleep last night— she had just spent the entire time watching him, as he dreamt and mumbled in his sleep. It was cute. 

Spinel leans to the side and smiles at him and he’s resting his head on the pillow. Spinel, ungloved, begins to rub his hair. It was so soft and airy, and of course it smelled of rose shampoo, and touching it would sometimes be the only thing to relax her. Steven pushes the covers off of them, and pats his lap, inviting Spinel to sit on it again. It was her favorite spot, of course.

Spinel raises her leg to sit on top of him, directly on his crotch. She bends down to his face to plant a kiss on the lips— he puckers them, and he observes how she’s so dainty and tiny compared to him.

Connie was taller than Steven, and now he admits that he’d rather be the tall, protective boyfriend than the short, chubby one. 

Steven closes his eyes, and once again Spinel kisses him. She plants numerous little kisses on his lips, trying to be playful— he smiles, and as he does, Spinel takes the opportunity to slide her tongue down his opened mouth. “M...”

Once again she kisses him, and while she does she massages her tongue against his, moisturizing the other. They kiss again, and this time she rubs against it more, and they subtly roll eachothers tongues inside his mouth, exploring eachother. 

“Mm, mm...” Spinel cups her hands to his cheeks, expanding her tongue out to his mouth, enveloping his tongue completely. Once again, they intertwine, and they smile as they part.

He liked that, looking up at her, but Spinel wanted to do more. She stares at him eagerly, noticing the small freckles on his cheeks— shit— too cute— and she blushes at him, with wide-eyes. His hair, which resembles a bouquet of roses, frames his face. 

Spinel clears her throat and starts drawing her attention down to his neck, and once again bends closer to start suctioning it. He groans, moving to the side to expose more of his neck, and she continues sucking and biting at it, until she forms a small bruise. She continues for a bit in different spots, until she finally sucks out one of the rolls of fat on his neck as she lets go of him. He gets embarassed— he didn’t realize his double chin was that prominent. But she didn’t care; compared to her tiny frame, she liked having more to love.

Spinel glides her fingers down— Steven shivers at her touch— his chest and starts unbottoning his pajama sweater. He’s... eighteen years old, yet he still dresses like he’s at a preteen boy’s slumber party. She giggles to herself, as she can’t help but find that endearing.

It seems that both of them, despite being older and changing, still retain their childlike qualities. Maybe that’s why they work together so well. Connie’s so eager to start school, get a job, and get ahead and grow up, ready to escape her parent’s control over her, while Steven would much rather relive his childhood days, as he lost them. Not only did he never go to school and failed to lead a normal life, but he had also spent the last five years of his life training to be a Crystal Gem, fighting monsters and battling Homeworld Gems, then freeing all gems from the Diamonds’ dictatorial rule, and finally establishing peace across the galaxy.

He became the savior of the galaxy. All at the age of fourteen. 

Of course, it’s not all glory and gold, he thinks, as he reflects back to his traumas. The loss of his mother, witnessing forced fusion, the human zoo, the Kindergarden, the terrors of Homeworld, all the times he got injured and nearly died, or saw the gems almost die— 

Maybe he didn’t want to become an adult. 

He closes his eyes and winces at the thought, getting anxious at how quickly time has passed by. Spinel notices his discomfort, and stops.

“Are you okay, Steven?” She looks down at him, innocently fiddling with one of his buttons as she’s sitting on him. 

“Y-Yeah, Spinel. I’m fine,” he responds. He doesn’t look fine.

That’s something else he and Spinel have in common, he realizes. Lost and wasted time at the hands of Pink Diamond.

“Do you want to talk about it,” she asks, “Sunshine?” He flushes red at the sound of that. 

Right. Her little nickname for him. He still couldn’t get used to that. She had called him that years ago, and he couldn’t help but find it annoying and clingy, but now he just melts into a puddle every time she says that to him. He almost forgets to breathe, and then he clears his throat. 

Spinel was eager to unclothe him, but instead she just slides to the side, laying next to him. She sighs. She clings to him, placing her hand over his chest, and Steven himself puts his arms behind her head to hold her.

They’re just cuddling. They do that every night together, to make up for Spinel’s solitude— hearing eachother softly breathe against one another. She comforts him, nuzzling against him.

Spinel can’t stand to see Steven sad— she’s supposed to bring him joy and laughter, and entertainment— but instead she feels like she failed her job. Every day, she’s determined to please Steven, just how she tried to satisfy Pink.

But she never could, obviously. But Steven now has even more trauma and struggles than she did— and an even bigger weight on his shoulders— what if it was going to be the same? Wh-What if she can’t help Steven after all, and he’ll abandon her, like she did? What if— 

“S-Spinel?” Steven asks.

Huh? 

“Y-You’re, you’re hurting me.” Spinel looks down at his chest. She had been ripping at his pajama collar and had been scratching him this entire time. His skin is all red now. 

She steps back a bit. “Ah, I’m sorry— I’m sorry—“ 

Steven takes her hand— “It’s okay.” 

Her heart melts as he forgives her so quickly. _Oh, Steven— you’re such a doll._ What did she do to deserve such a caring, considerate, and patient boy in her life?

Ah, right. _Boys_. She still hadn’t gotten used to that word, considering there are no men in Homeworld, or in all of gemkind actually. She hated him so much, but then she just became curious about him, eager to know him better. What were boys like? Why were they so interesting to her? Spinel seems lost in thought. 

Suddenly, Steven shuffles a bit, and lifts her up— ah, so strong— to his lap again. She looks down. Huh?

He wants her to continue what they started. 

And so she does, continuing to unbotton his, um, newly ripped sweater— he lifts himself up a bit to slide the sleeves off his arms and into the floor. 

Spinel turns away at him, still not used to seeing a shirtless human boy. Of course, he’s still quite chubby— which she loves— but after years of training he’s developed some subtle abs. 

“Pfffffbhhhhhtttt!” 

Steven starts giggling, squirming under her. Spinel, reminiscent to her original self, had been blowing a raspberry on him. He’s all red now. 

She blows more, and it tickles— Steven buries his chin to his neck in agony. It sounds like little fart noises, and Steven laughs like a child. Oh, that’s so satisfying. She’s so happy to play with him, and that he finds her funny! Pink would barely laugh at her jokes or play with her. 

“Spine-helllll,” he whines playfully, flushing. He let out a small voice crack, and Spinel notices. 

Spinel freezes. 

She feels like she’s gonna fucking explode. 

Oh my god, that was too cute. He’s just so cute. When did he get so cute?! She cups her hand to her face, panting— _Oh my god, that was adorable._

She’s got it bad, doesn’t she? Spinel’s completely fallen in love with him, her Diamond, totally forgetting that she wanted to kill him once upon a time. She wants to fan herself. Is it hot in here? She’s so hot all of a sudden. 

Steven looks up at her, confused about why she suddenly stopped. “Spinel? Hey, are y—“

“Mm, mph!” mumbles Steven— before he could even finish his sentence, Spinel had already launched herself at him— “Mm, m—!” Steven can’t even talk, because Spinel is showering him with kisses.

_Mwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwahmwa!_

Spinel kisses him all over, covering his face completely. She’s smothering him now, eager to express to him how much she loves him!

Suddenly, Spinel grabs him by the cheeks, making him puff them like a pufferfish. She’s forced him to make an adorable kissyface, and he just stares straight at her in confusion. 

“Steven Diamond Universe!” she says. “Did ya know you’re the cutest boy in the whole wide world?” She asks playfully. 

Aw, shucks. Steven blushes. She always knows how to cheer him up— then again, that’s what she was originally for, he supposes. 

Spinel leans in on him, fishy-face and all, and plants a big, fat wet kiss on his puckered lips. Mwah! Finally, she lets go, and wraps her arms around his neck to cuddle with him even more.

They lay like that, until Spinel gets bored again.

“Wanna play?” she asks. 

Oh, sure. He has boardgames and videogame consoles on his shelf they can use. 

Wait. 

_ Oh, no.  _

**Play.** That word that used to refer to playing tag, and hide-and-go seek once, for them (and then to Spinel’s plot to murder him but he sweeps that under the rug), but now it means something totally sexual and so, so, not innocent. 

He gulps, with a lump on his throat. 

“Sooo?” she gazes up at him, starry-eyed and all, and Steven just can’t say no to that face. 

“Y-Yeah,” he replies. “Yeah, Spinel. We can, um... play.” He gets kind of excited as his heart races.

She smiles, and Steven’s breath hikes, and she starts to lower herself down and untie his pajama pants. He lowers them down, and she helps. He flings them off the bed, and soon Spinel lies right by his crotch. 

He looks up, avoiding Spinel, and fiddles with his underwear, lowering it down to his knees. He’s exposed himself to her.

Spinel loses her breath for a second, but regains it to make her clothes disappear. Pink glitter surrounds her, and she lies naked in front of him. Steven looks down to admire her physique. 

“Y-You, you can touch them if you want.” She murmurs. _My Diamond_ , Spinel can’t help but want to say.

_Can I?_ Steven reaches his hands out to her chest, and cups both of them, causing Spinel to shiver at his touch. 

He lightly fondles them, and massages them broadly, causing her to pant raggedly. She squirms, rubbing the insides of her legs together, eager to be with Steven. She’s ready, and he nods. 

Spinel lifts herself up to hover over Steven, and Steven straightens his  cock for her, fumbling a bit as his heart races. 

She slowly presses down onto him, adjusting herself, “Mm..” she mumbles, until he’s finally entered her. She shifts a bit, trying to find the most comfortable position. He holds his hands to her buttcheeks, and she takes a deep breath, and begins slowly thrusting up and down against him. She shudders. 

“Mmn.. mh,” she vocalizes, whimpering. He’s inside her. She looks up, and continues moving up and down, letting him slide in and out of her. Steven starts panting, gripping tighter. She rocks up and down him, her breasts lightly jiggling.

“Mm—“ she lightly grunts as she moves faster, shifting in and out of him. Up and down, up and down, repeatedly. She thrusts at an even pace, but as he pushes into her more, she speeds up, feeling his cock dissolve into her. Spinel brings a hand up to her breast and starts massaging it, moaning with pleasure.

Steven holds her tighter, and starts grinding against her, prompting her to go faster. She bounces against him repeatedly at a rapid pace, her thighs slamming against his waist. “Mmpfh, mmph!” she says, shutting her eyes as they rock aggressively together. 

“Faster, Spinel,” groans Steven, looking up at her. Spinel grabs his hand, and he grabs the other, and their fingers interlock, supporting eachother as they grind dramatically. “Ah, ah—“ yells Spinel, and Steven forces himself onto her to make her moan louder for him. “Ah, ah— ah!” She’s bouncing and bouncing playfully up and down— 

He starts glowing pink again, and suddenly he’s thrusting at a superhuman pace, Spinel thrusting faster and faster into him. She grips tightly, as she begins to squirm in pain. “Mmgh... mmh— ah, ah—“ 

“Ah, ah, ah!” cries Spinel as she sinks in and out faster— she grinds harder, and starts shaking violently. “Ah, ah, ah!” He goes faster, and she can barely breathe— all she can do is scream. “Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Steven—!!” she cries, panting and panting loudly. 

She shuts her eyes and scrunches her face in pain, “mmnhh—mm—“ and Steven goes so fast she’s practically vibrating on top of him. “Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!” he grinds and grinds repeatedly, as Spinel clenches her knees tighter. “Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!” she’s yelling at the top of her lungs at this point. 

He’s extremely pink— and his powers have come at full force, leaving Spinel powerless, and he grows stronger— “Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Anhh- Ah! Mmm— mhm— mh!” she cries at each and every thrust which violently pounds into her. She’s so, so wet and moist under him, a bit of liquid flows out of her, lubricating him so he can slam harder. “Mmph, mmph” she grunts, squeezing in pain, “Steven— Steven—“ 

He thrusts so fast, he’s like a machine, and Spinel’s voice starts to shake— “Ah, Ah, Ah!-Ah!-Ah!-Ah!-Ah!-Ah!-Ah!-Ah!, mf, AH AHH—“ She repeats as he thrusts, feeling that she’s about to burst and she squirms against him and— “Steven, I’m gonna co—AH!” She shouts one last time as she feels semen rippling out of her— _Steven!_

Steven holds onto her shoulders tightly, scratching into her— he moans and gasps— “Mmn—mh— ah!” thrusting powerfully one last time, his seed pulsing into her, and she trembles. It explodes, and she gasps, as his semen covers her inner thighs. 

She collapses to his chest, panting, but Steven continues groaning uncomfortably, grinding a bit and— “Mm, mm, mgh!” Spinel screams again, holding onto Steven as he releases onto her again, this time it’s thicker and — “Hah!”

He fully comes inside of her, and she twitches her abdomen as a few more squirt into her, and she groans, full of liquid. She pants in and out loudly, as some seeps out of her. “Mmn— mm... m...”

Finally, it’s over. Steven slides out of her, as Spinel gasps, and pants rhythmically with her. His chest rises up and down, subtly lifting her with him as she’s sprawled across him. They continue panting for a couple minutes, unable to move or speak. 

Spinel whoas as Steven suddenly moves their bodies together, embracing her, turning her to the side with her back on the mattress and her eyes facing him. Her pigtails are undone and her messy, frizzy hair covers the pillow. She feels sticky all over as she’s covered in sweat, and some of her hair is stuck to her moist, pinkened face. 

Steven huffs, and just falls on top of her, his hands over the bed. He fades back to normal.

“I’m sorry—“ he pants, “I don’t know how to stop it, I can’t control it—“ he apologizes, his face pressed against her chest. Spinel massages the back of his head, assuring him that it’s okay. 

Spinel squirms a bit, as Steven’s semen lightly pours out of her. “Mmh—mh,” she groans uncomfortably. It seeps onto the bed, staining it. Steven notices.

He’s really, really, really turned on by her moans. And he wouldn’t mind to hear more.

Spinel lies on the bed, completely naked— her crotch area is completely moist, and of course sparkling, as she’s oozing and squirming out Steven’s essence. She rubs her inner thighs together, heaving. She continues, this time more aggressively, pleasuring herself with her body as she cups her breast. “Mm, mmh—“ 

“S-Steven, baby, lookie here—“ 

Spinel suddenly starts massaging her breast, moaning, and she trails her other hand down her vagina. Two fingers enter her clit, and she starts rubbing herself in front of him.

Oh my god, she’s masturbating to him as he watches. 

“S-See, I’m playing with, mm, myself.”She rubs herself in circular motions, stimulating herself, exhaling and grunting. “Mm— mm.” 

Steven just sits there, staring at her, his face blushing red again. _Oh, I can’t believe she’s doing this._

She’s just full of surprises.

Steven starts panting, and suddenly feels an erection. Spinel once again moans, perhaps on purpose, sending shockwaves through Steven’s body, and he looks down at his hand. 

“Steven, Steven— baby, let’s play, ah— I wanna see you play too, uhmf—“ she slows down a bit to lift herself up to watch him. 

Steven hesitates, but he really needs to relieve his erection now, so he proceeds to wrap his hand around his cock, and begins sliding up and down. 

They play with themselves together, masturbating in unison.

Once again Spinel picks up the pace, and rubs deeper into herself— ah,— massaging herself faster and faster. “St-Steven, come on—“ Mmm, mm, mm, m— she moans as she keeps going on and going.

Steven watches her, and thrusts up and down faster to try to match her pace. He starts panting. “There ya go, sunshine—“ They pick it up, this time Steven jacks off aggressively to her. She continues to squirm into herself as she hears Steven play along.

They go faster and faster in unison, moaning louder together. “Spinel, agh, Spinel,” he cries, thinking of her. He wants to hear him say his name— and she does: “Steven... Steven... Steven, Steven, Steven—“ She goes louder as she rubs her breast more and masturbates speedily. “Steven, Steven, Steven— Steven! Steven! Steven! Stev— Ah, Steven, I—“ She feels herself about to burst, and with her eyes closed she arches her back, and leans into her hand and comes all over her thighs and the bed. “Oh, oh!” 

Steven, follows her rhythm, jacking off, and begins moaning dramatically himself, gaping his mouth and thrusting himself up and— “Mmf!” 

Steven ejaculates as well, sparkling semen dripping over him. He gasps heavily, trying to catch his breath, and opens his eyes— finally, they’re done. Steven drops onto the bed, soaking in sweat. 

Spinel looks up at him, lying on the bed but flops herself back down. Steven looks up at her, panting, and she slowly opens her legs, gesturing to Steven to come closer. 

Steven stands up, and starts leaning over her. 

“Well well well, look what I reeled in!” she chuckles to herself, but Steven wants to skip the formalities this time, and immediately starts shifting under her. 

“Hey, hey—“ says Spinel, panicking— but Steven ignores her, and puts his cock between her legs again. He fumbles a bit, missing her entrance, but Spinel shifts a bit to help in and he goes into her and— _Oh!_

He really just cuts straight to the chase and starts thrusting as aggressively as he can into her, his wet thighs slapping against hers. He grips her shoulders, and Spinel, as usual, curls herself around him, wrapping herself twice with his flexibility. She puts her legs around him, pushing him closer to her, opening her legs for him.

He starts grunting, and Spinel gasps, as he slams into her repeatedly. “Mm, mmm, ah!”— again and again they go, Spinel twisted onto him tighter, making him wince, but he continues with more passion. 

Steven leans onto her chest and lays his head on her shoulder, wrapping his arms under hers. “Mm— mm—“ she moans onto his chest as he towers over her. They continue, soaking in sweat, panting heavily until Steven slows his movements and adjusts himself and she moans and—

He once again comes inside of her, Spinel’s face falling against the mattress. Her mouth is open, and she’s gasping for air, her chest rising up and down. Spinel holds onto him one last time before he lets go, groaning.

They’re finally done. 

Once again, Steven grabs the wipes— this time he gets a lot, and cleans her up again. She’s soaked, and his semen is everywhere. He wipes her off, and Spinel closes her eyes, defeated.

“We... we should take a shower, or something,” he suggests, rubbing the back of his neck.

Spinel lifts herself up— Huh!?


	18. So Excited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel take a bath together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no smut 🙌 just full fluff here babey!

It was the middle of the day, and Spinel held onto Steven’s hand as she followed behind him down the stairs. Steven looks both ways before he walks, and then quietly guides Spinel to the bathroom. 

_ Phew. _

Steven... feels disgusting right now, he admits. He feels sticky all over— his hair is covered in sweat, and his face is all moist. 

And Spinel? Well, she’s literally covered in magical and glittery pink semen. 

And obviously, Steven chuckles, Steven can’t have Spinel looking like that in front of the Crystal Gems. 

Steven gestures Spinel to close the door behind him, and she does— Steven takes the towls from the cabinet, and places them above the hamper lid. 

“Do you wanna shower first Spinel, or?”

Spinel... really isn’t too familiar with this whole bathing thing. As a gem, she can just easily polish herself and she’ll be all new again, but obviously after this, um, sticky situation that’s out of her control, she’s gonna need a little help.

Spinel looks to the side, distracted, and can’t help but notice a Pink bottle. “Hey, what’s this?” She squints her eyes— it’s very ornamented and has indentations of roses on it. _Looks fancy._

“No, no, don’t touch that!” Steven takes the bottle and places it back where it was, and sighs of relief. She looks down, embarassed for inconveniencing him.

“It’s water from my mother’s fountain. I bottled some in case of emergency, since it has healing properties. But it’s only a little, so I have to save it for something really important.” Spinel understands, and takes note of that. She’ll be careful from now on.

“Instead...” Steven scans the cabinet for anything useful, looking for something in particular. Spinel looks up at him, bewildered. “Ah! Here.” He takes another bottle and shows it to her.

Strawberry Bubble Bath. 

_Oooh_ , Spinel’s face lights up as she takes it. _Gimme gimme!_

“You can just use that, Spinel. It creates bubbles.”

_Bubbles?_ She gets all jittery, and Steven grins at her sudden childish excitement. She’s so excited!

Steven bends down on his knees in front of the bath tub and turns on the faucet, as hot water starts pouring out from it. 

“Here, sit on top of this while we wait for it to fill up,” Steven takes her hand and guides her on the toilet seat so she can relax. 

“It’ll be quick— you’ll really like this, Spinel!” Spinel’s heart thumps as she admires him. _Aww, he’s thought of her._

They wait a few minutes, a bit awkwardly as they sit quiet, and finally the tub is high enough to start putting soap in it.

Spinel gently hands it to him, and he starts pouring it under the faucet, rumbling the water with his hand. “See?”

Spinel stands up and lifts her head up, watching the bubbles form and smelling the scent of artificial strawberry whift through the air. She has stars in her eyes as she _ooohs_. Quickly enough, the tub is filled with light pink bubbles to the brim.

Steven takes her hand again to guide her. “Here, Spinel, just put your left foot in first, like this—“ she follows, and hesitantly puts her toes in the water, and then her foot.

It’s warm. And it immediately relaxes her. She lets out an _Ahh..._ as she puts her other foot in. She turns around, standing on the tub, and gently goes down, her thighs touching the water. 

And she’s in! 

“See? That wasn’t so bad,” Steven says. She smiles, and can’t help but feel sentimentally happy. It’s so calming. 

The bubbles surround her, sticking to her stomach and chest, and she places her hands in the bubble mountain. So soft! She picks more up and observes it. 

“Here, check this out!” Steven picks up a section of bubble and blows it at her— bubbles float through the air, and Spinel looks above her excitedly. She points her fingers to pop them. She’s smiling.

Steven’s just sitting on the floor across from her, leaning against the barrier between them as he watches her play. He cups his hands to his face and sighs dreamily.

Wait, he’s still in the bathroom. And he’s just creepily watching her bathing herself. _God, why am I like this._ He snaps out of it and laughs anxiously.

“Well, I should probably head out so you can be alone—“ Steven starts to stand up, but Spinel quickly grabs him by the hands and pulls him down.

“No! Stay.” Steven gulps, taken aback by her assertiveness. 

“Oh, umm. Nah, it’s okay, I probably shouldn’t, haha, I should go and—“ he gives up. “Okay. Are you sure?”

“Yes please,” she squeaks, mindlessly rubbing her thumb against his hand. Spinel scoots to the side to make space for him, and Steven stands up, removes his underwear, and dips into the water.

Spinel watches as he sinks himself in, sighing in relaxation as the warm water moisten him and the soft bubbles caress him. He’s partially covered by all the bubbles.

Spinel and Steven just sit there in the tub, staring at the wall by the door.

“So... um,” mumbles Spinel. “What do ya do with all the bubbles?” She picks one up and blows them in the air. “They just for play?”

Oh, right, he forgot to teach her the works. “No, you can use them as soap, here—“ 

Spinel grabs an array of bubbles. “T-Turn around.” And so she does. 

Steven hesitantly hovers over her exposed back— and finally rubs bubbles into it, rubbing and moistening her back with water. She trembles at his touch. 

Steven inches a bit closer, and continues going up and down her back with his hand— he then pours water on her shoulders, cleaning it.

He moves her to the side, and she pours water over her arms, fondling her, cleaning her up and down. “Put your arms up, Spinel,” and he does, rubbing her armpits with soap. “Pfff—“ she giggles as it tickles her. “Hahaha!” 

Steven smiles at her, and proceeds to pour water over her chest and down her shoulder. She just sits there daintily, looking smaller and more delicate than usual. 

“Uh, maybe we should wash your hair?” 

She nods in agreement, albeit looking a bit shy.

She starts to undo her already loosened pigtails, letting her fuchsia hair droop to her shoulders. Steven stares down at her, his cheeks turning red. 

“I-I-“ he hadn’t seen her like that before. Spinel shifts a bit and looks down, ignoring his reaction in fear that he doesn’t like it.

Then she hesitantly looks up at him. 

“You... you look pretty,” he mumbles.

_Huuuh?!_

“I said you look really pretty, Spinel!” He raises his voice, flustered.

Spinel’s heart stops.

“Your pigtails were cute too, of course, but,” he panics, unsure how to compliment her. 

_Cute?!_ Spinels lips curl into a smile and her eyes shimmer as she looks up at him. “Heeheehee!” she giggles.

He clears his throat, taken aback by her adorable laugh. Steven scans the room as a distraction. 

“Hm,” he looks at his surroundings, and finds a small plastic cup he can use. He puts it underwater to fill it, and gently and slowly puts some over Spinel’s scalp, washing her hair. Spinel stands still, feeling the water fall on her shoulders. He pours again. 

Steven takes some shampoo and rubs his hands together, only to start rubbing her hair. She shivers at his touch. Steven continues to wet her hair and mix in more shampoo, massaging the back of her head. “Mm...” 

He pours water on her to clean the shampoo off, and grabs a conditioner bottle, pouring a bit in his hands and once again caressing her hair. She nearly forgets to breathe, and looks down in embarassment. He blends conditioner all over her, and finishes. 

“There. Just wait a bit and then you can wash it off.” Spinel nods. 

“Hey, aren’t you goin’ to clean up too?” she asks. Oh, right. 

“Y-Yeah, let me just—“ he grabs the cup and sinks it underwater and raises it up and—

“Let me do it, silly!” she impulsively says, looking up at him with a smile.

“I... Okay, uh, sure.” Steven closes his eyes and prepares to be washed. Spinel takes the cup from him and pours water over his chest and stomach. 

“Mm.” She rubs soap on his skin, rubbing it. He’s a bit sensitive and can’t help but squirm. 

Spinel fills the cup again and pours it gradually over his rosy head, washing it and his skin. She does it again. 

Spinel grabs some soap and starts to put it on his head and— “Oh!” 

“Here, this’ll really make you laugh— Close your eyes.” _Okaaaaay..._ Spinel shuts them and waits.

Spinel can hear and sense some water splashing and— 

“Open your eyes! Ta-daaaa!” 

She opens them just to see Steven sporting a bubble afro and a huge bubble beard. 

“Pfffff——“ Spinel starts to choke up. “Pffffffhahahahahahah!” She starts giggling uncontrollably. 

Her laughter is infectious, Steven thinks, and he laughs a bit with her, happy to see her like this again.

“Do more, do more!” Spinel says as she notices most of the bubbles have disintegrated. She grabs a pink bottle from the corner of the tub and opens it and starts to pour it and— “Wait, don’t touch that!” But it’s too late, and the liquid fell into the water,  spreading to the corners of the tub.

“Spinel, that was the wrong one! Those were the healing tears!”

Oops. Spinel starts to chuckle nervously. _Ugh! Why do I keep messing up?_ “I’m— I’m sorry, I’m sorry— What do I do!?”

Steven puts his hands on her shoulder. “Calm down, Spinel, it won’t hurt us. It probably won’t have any effect.” 

“Okay,” she nods, looking worried.

She then proceeds to wash the conditioner out of her hair.

Steven finishes cleaning himself, and he steps out of the tub. He takes Spinel’s hand and lifts her up and guides her out of the tub.

He wraps a towel around himself, and then wraps one around Spinel. He covers her with another one, making sure she’s warm, and she looks like a fluffy burrito.

Pfff—

Steven chuckles.

_Cutie-pie_ , he thinks. 

Steven walks towards the door to open it, and—

“W-Wait.” She reaches out to him and hesitantly raises her arms up, staring up at him.

_Wait, wha?_ He starts blushing and looks to the side. He wants him to carry her? 

Spinel romantically flutters her eyelashes and leans closer, pressuring Steven. He really has no choice.

Well, here goes nothing.

Steven bends down to the floor and leads Spinel’s face to his chest— he puts his arm under her back, and then under her legs, and lets out a small grunt. He bends up and looks down at her. 

He’s... carrying her! Like a princess!

“Is this okay?” he asks. 

“Y-Yes.” Yes, it’s perfect! 

Steven heads out the door with Spinel in his arms, and he walks across the living room. Spinel looks up at him, eyes sparkling again.

He... he really does care about her, she thinks. Her cheeks flush at the thought of it, and she wraps her arms around his neck and weighs her chin on his shoulder. He takes her up the stairs, and places her on the bed. 

She sits. 

“Well, that sure, uh, washed away all my problems,” Steven says, sporting a cheesy grin after making a pun. 

Spinel looks at him and starts giggling, bringing a gloved hand near her face. _Oh, that’s funny!_

She starts giggling even more, even louder— _honestly, he didn’t think it was that good_ — she’s laughing uncontrollably, covering her face— and she stands up, and hikes her leg up cheerfully like a cartoon, and she’s smiling so much, she’s glowing— 

Wait, she’s actually glowing.

“Spinel? Spinel, hey!” He’s blinded by a white light— Spinel’s giggles become more childlike and innocent. Her hair transforms, and her scars disappear, and she spins around, and—

_ Spinel. _

She does a cutesy pose and winks.

“Yippeeeeeeee!” she cheers, and then pounces onto Steven and he falls to the floor.

“I’m so excited to meet you!” she says as she smiles widely at him, extremely close to his face. 

_Wait, this is so familiar._ He pushes her off, freaking out and hyperventilating.

“Spinel! What happened?! You look like before!” 

“Huh?!” She says playfully. “Oh, this?” She twirls around, and raises her arms daintily, fluffing her heartpuffs.

She’s... changed. She’s her original self again?!

“I got a new style, do you like it?! Hee hee!” she says in a cheeky, feminine voice. She makes her fingers do a little heart shape and she sticks her tongue out.

“I-I, I—“ Steven’s speechless. 

Spinel leans closer to him and elastically wraps her arms around him, suffocating him. _Mmmm!_ She squeezes him into a hug, and Steven groans as he experiences deja vu. 

Spinel’s back to her old **bubbly** — _pun totally intended_ — persona. She’s finally exposed her saccharine disposition as she giggles innocently.

_ What has he done? _

Spinel gasps. “Hey, I got an idea!” 

_ Huh? _

“Let’s play a game, _best_ _friend!”_

**Oh no.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 30K WORDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!! if youve read this far thank you 8D


	19. A Human Being

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven asks the Crystal Gems to help Spinel.

Steven had to bring her back. 

A couple hours ago, Steven experienced one of the biggest surprises of his life— Spinel transforming back to her original self. Somehow, she was able to do it, but he couldn’t change her back. 

He was panicking, pacing back and forth across the living room, and Spinel watched. She tapped her fingers anxiously together, unsure of what was going on or why he was worried. Did she do something wrong? 

Maybe he just wanted to play. _Everyone deserves a little playtime_ , she thought. 

Steven looks worried and starts to hyperventilate. He breaths in, in and out, faster and faster as he struggles to breathe. 

_Uh oh!_ Time for Spinel to heroically save her prince! Spinel stands up and tip-toes towards him. 

“Surprise!” Spinel catches him by surprise and elastically wraps herself around him, layer by layer. “Grr—gr!” Steven growls as he struggles against  her, failing to break free. “Spinel— get off of me!”

She squeezes tighter, and he winces but— 

That. That actually manages to calm him down. He stands still as she presses against him, and Steven breathes in and out. He sighs in relief. 

He was okay. 

Spinel quickly wraps herself from him, and instead clings onto his arm. “Can I walk with you?” she asks, referring to his anxious pacing around the room. It seems she wants to go on a romantic promenade with him. In his house. He shakes his head no, and Spinel lets him go.

Steven keeps thinking, and Spinel yawns and gets bored again. 

“Hey, wanna check out my handstand?” What, no! Not now— Spinel interrupts his thoughts as she giggles childishly, her hands planted on the floor as she raises her legs, upside down. Her feet tap together. 

_Spinel._ She was starting to annoy him. He doesn’t have time for her silly, stupid games! He needed to figure out a way to get her back to her old self, and get help from the Crystal Gems. 

He corrects himself— well, technically, this was her old self. 

He really needs to come up with a name for her. So he decides to call this form Heart, her evil form Spade, and her normal self Clover. Easy! And of course, he was the Diamond.

And now he was playing a new game. 

He had to get Clover back. 

But before he does, he observes Heart for a few minutes. So this is who she was, huh? Just a playful court jester, made to entertain.

Steven gulps.

Steven was well aware of his heritage. All gems on Homeworld served a specific role for their society, usually to aid colonization and assist the elites, with no say or choice on who they were or what they could do. All gems are born from the ground and have a specific job they have to fulfill for the rest of their lives. And Spinel was part of that terrible system, forced to do nothing but amuse his mother and her family members. Did she even do anything else? Did she have any hobbies or dreams? Any friends beside Pink? Did she even know what kind of society she was in— and how horrible it was? One that viciously stole life and resources from other planets and enslaved other species? 

Steven shook his head no. No, of course she didn’t. She lived in a lavish palace, pampered and spoiled to death, and played games everyday, free of responsibility, while the rest suffered.  


Pink’s little “colony” was likely just a ball pit to play in in Spinel’s eyes.

Steven thought she was totally oblivious to the Diamonds’ tyranny and their crimes, blissfully unaware, but then he remembered her rejuvenator. 

That’s why she had the device that reset his friends, after all. She had access to all of the elite’s weapons that were used to oppress and silence gems below her. And she was completely aware that was happening.

Steven’s stomach twists. 

Spinel... was a horrible fucking person, Steven came to the realization. But now she’s this cutesy little girl that just wants to play tag. 

Then again, she _was_ a perfect product of her society— a perfect Spinel cut, in fact— she had been born and raised there, and everything she lived through was the norm to her: how could she have known that was wrong? Steven gives her the benefit of the doubt.

Nevertheless, she had one purpose and that was it. She could never ever question her master. All she did was obey and listen, and by doing so, she paid the price.

She was told to wait in a garden, and that’s exactly what she did. She didn’t question or doubt her Diamond for six thousand years. That’s how loyal she was to her superiors. 

What a twisted way of life. No wonder the Crystal Gems were formed— a group of rogue gems determined to end Homeworld’s rule over them in order to shape their own destinies.

But Spinel was stuck there, and had no choice. No wonder Spinel is so childish, and manipulative, and violent— throwing tantrums over the slightest inconvenience— that’s all she’d ever known as a member of the royal court.

His mother can’t even be here to apologize to her or fix her. Instead, she’s back to her servant self, and Steven clenches his fists. He can’t help but be infuriated by that. Her freedom was stripped away from her, and now she’s reduced to nothing but a toy and an accessory after her factory-reset. After all her hard work and her effort and eagerness to change— she had the power to change, and Steven was guiding her as she made so much progress, but she lost it.

He really, really needs help from the gems. Specifically Pearl, who knew most about his mother and her healing tears. 

Steven sits with Spinel on the couch, thumping his leg. Spinel gazes at him. 

She doesn’t understand what is going on or what’s on his mind at all, but nevertheless she places her palm on his thigh to pause his shaking. He looks up at her, confused.

“You’re gonna be okay, okay?” she smiles. He cracks an awkward smile back. 

How funny. She has no idea what just occurred to her yet she’s still as supportive of him as ever.

Steven looks up at her, a bit crestfallen.

“Do you even remember me? Do you remember what we did last night?” 

Spinel rolls her eyes. “Pff, yeah. It was so embarassing. It was gross, I didn’t like it one bit! Gave me the heebie-jeebies.”

She... didn’t like sleeping with him? Clover sure did.

“Bleh!” She sticks her tongue out childishly in disgust. “It was too aggressive. Besides, I prefer cuddling, and kissing, and-and holding hands— and writing love letters, maybe—“ she gets flustered, holding her hands together. “Oh, but I loved the bubbles! It was magical.” She sighs dreamily as she thinks back to the memory. 

Oh, he understands now. Heart represented Spinel’s youthful and feminine personality traits, preferring innocent forms of affection and romance. Whereas Spade was much more aggressive, confrontational and sexual. And of course, Clover was the perfect amalgam of both.

_ Three leaves, one clover. _

Makes sense. At least she somehow has her memories. After all, she was healed, not reset like before.

“It... was nice,” she thought, blushing. She slowly brings a knee to his thigh and sits on his lap, holding both his shoulders. Her thighs against his, and her chest is also pressed onto his. She smiles.

_ Oh no. _

Heart looks down at Steven and affectionately fondles his hair. She shuffles over him. “Mn—“ mumbles Steven at her touch.

“Mm, so cute...” she observes, making Steven blush. Steven looks up at her, one eye closed. 

She leans in and plants a soft kiss on his lips, and he can’t help but flush and furrow his brow, a bit anxious to be with her like this. He closes his eyes to savor the moment, bringing her closer. She’s so much gentler than before... 

Suddenly, she kisses him on the cheek— and blows a funny raspberry— “Spinel, stooop!” he whines, but he can’t help but laugh as it tickles. She giggles. 

She kisses him gently on the cheek, and again— and again, and again, smothering his face with her lips. “H-Hey, Spinel!” he’s blushing, embarassed by her assertiveness. She kisses him a few more times, and lets go. He looks at her... and wants to reward her for her good behavior somehow.

Steven can’t help but bring her knee up against her crotch, wondering how she’d react. She whimpers a bit, but can’t help herself with him as she gets aroused and tingly, feeling innocently curious, so she begins grinding against him, much like before “Mmn—m...”

He brings his knee higher so she can go deeper, and she leans against him, massaging her clit against him faster and faster. “Mm— mh—“ she pants.

_She deserves this_ , Steven thinks.

She grabs his shoulders and thrusts harder, as Steven moves more aggressively. “Ah, ah—“ she squirms and squeaks under him. ”Ah, mnhm—“ _Faster Spinel._ He really just want to hear her moan for him, similar to the first night.

Steven usually feels so helpless under Clover, so now’s his chance to prove himself.

Spinel shoves himself deeper onto him, whimpering— she lifts her chin and her chest up, her perky breasts directly in front of Steven. They jiggle up and down, and Steven simply stuffs his forehead into her chest so he can feel them bounce against him. 

“Stevie, Stevie— go gentle, baby—“ she shuts her eyes in submission. “Ah.. nghmr— ah, p-please,” she continues panting, arousing him. He sinks his fingers onto her skin, urging her to go faster— her voice starts vibrating as she whimpers— “I’m... mhm, mhm— I’m gonna—“ in and out, in and out, grinding deeper and harsher and—

 _ Ah!  _ Steven feels Spinel’s crotch moisten, and she sighs and falls against his chest, melting like jelly. They pant together as Spinel readjusts herself and sits on his lap.

Although Spinel still has her romper on, Steven can’t help but notice her moisture— and has an urge to fulfill her. He extends his hand towards her, puts his finger under her crotch and then into her vagina. Spinel gasps as he starts rubbing her entrance up and down, and then in circle motions, and she moans, exploring all sorts of sounds with her. Will he moan for him, mewl for him, or whimper for him? He gets more aroused at the thought.

“Mmph, Steven—“ Spinel buries her face in his shoulder as he goes faster and faster. She’s whimpering and mewling louder, desperate for more, like a little girl eager for candy. She grinds her entrance into his finger, more and more aggressively. “‘Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm!” she yelps in a high pitched voice repeatedly, desperately and she breathes onto his neck. She starts bouncing into his fingers. “More! More! More! More! Please— please, please— that feels... that feels ah—so, so sweet! Ah!” 

“S-Say my name, Spinel,” he really hadn’t recovered from the last time she called him by his full name. He loved how powerful it made him feel, especially when he had felt so weak under her for so, so long. He goes faster, in disgusting circular motions as he feels her moisture seep into his fingers from her trousers. “St-Steven... Steven! Steven— Steven Universe... Steven Universe...” her heart starts racing and she pants even quicker, “Steven Universe, Steven Universe, Steven Uni— Ah!” 

And then she falls on top of him again, panting heavily, lightly gushing into her pants. Her knees quiver against him and she pants in a high pitched voice. She’s doused in sweat, and so is he.

And they just bathed. 

He’s... so glad he could satisfy her again, even if she wasn’t as sexual now. She’s just... such a good girl, he thinks, as creepy and weird as that sounds. Spinel’s just glad she could still have her “playtime” with him and keep him happy. 

Spinel leans in, wrapping her arms around his neck and placing them around his shoulder. He wraps his arms around her back, hugging her. _Spinel..._

Spinel whispers into his ear,  sending shivers down his neck. 

”You’re my very best friend, you know that right?” 

Steven gulps. Oh, he just wanted to eat her up. Steven grinds his knees together— she sounds so feminine and airy now, he can’t help but melt. He clasps her petite ass and brings her closer, albeit looking away, flushed. He’s not sure how much more of this he can take. 

Spinel just smiles obediently and holds him tight— she brings a cheek to his and nuzzles him, and then she returns to leaning on his shoulder. She’s calmly seated on top of his lap, and she stays in place.  She’s so, so dainty and small right now, wrapped around him like a little girl, with her hair raised into adorable heart puffs. Steven gets so gitty at the sight. 

Maybe he could get used to this new form, she’s so much more submissive and sweeter now— yet suddenly he just wants to take advantage of her now, so innocent and cute— he starts having _disgusting_ fantasies about her, one’s so unlike him, but he can’t help that his dark side is shining through. He starts imagining him spanking her, punishing her and oh—and he nearly unbuttons his jeans until—

Steven and Spinel are interrupted as the Crystal Gems warped back, the pad shining brightly, illuminating the room. Steven shoves Spinel off of him. “Guys!” 

Steven breathes out, relieved— but Spinel bounces back up and starts encircling herself around them, doing cartwheels. “Hi, I’m Spinel!” she pants as she moves. “I’m Steven’s new best friend!”

“Hiiii, Spinel,” Amethyst says monotonously. She was so sick of weird shit happening around her. 

“I’m his new best friend, his new best friend!” She sings. 

“Why, uh, hello again, um, Spinel,” responds Pearl. Spinel extends out her hand, eager to shake it— Pearl complies, only to be shook up and down the room at a rapid pace. “Wuhuh-wuhuh-wuhuh!” 

“Spinel, cut it out!” Spinel does immediately what she’s told, and suddenly drops Pearl to the floor. Pearl groans, rubbing her head as she feels dizzy. 

“Uh, Steven, what happened to Spinny over here?” asks Amethyst, scratching her head. 

“I don’t know! We had been taking a bubble bath, and—“

“You were taking a bath together?” interrupts Amethyst.

Silence fills the room. Fuck. 

“Uh, uh— no! That’s preposterous Amethyst, why would you say that?!” he laughs anxiously. Ha ha ha ha. “I meant to say uh, I took a shower first and after me Spinel took a bath, haha!”

“Pffffff— you should’ve seen the look on your face! I know, dude, I was just messin’ with ya,” she lightly punches his shoulder and walks to get a drink from the fridge. 

_ Phew. _

Steven looks over to Pearl as she lifts herself up. “Pearl, can you please help her? She accidentally spilled mom’s healing tears in the water, and she reversed herself. I knew she had a lot of healing to do, but I didn’t think she’d be set back so far!”

Pearl places her hands on her chin, deep in thought. 

“Hm, well, Rose’s tears and resurrections don’t last forever, Steven,” she points at Lion. “Lion was likely resurrected by Rose, but that doesn’t mean he’s immortal— he’s just aging at a far slower pace than he normally would. It’s bound to wear off... some day.” She smiles awkwardly, trying to assure him. “I myself have to regularly heal myself with her tears, to cure my old battle wounds.”

“I mean, that’s good to know, but I can’t wait that long!” he says. “I need Spinel to revert to normal _now_ , I don’t want her like this anymore. She’s just not the same.”

Steven starts breathing heavily again, having another panic attack. “She’s like a total robot now, barely feeling anything negative— and she doesn’t have any emotions or wants besides playing games and being silly, and—“

“Steven...”

Pearl doesn’t like how dependant he is of Spinel. He can’t let this interfere with his health anymore. He’s been through too much, and Pearl knows he deserves his happily ever after.

“Steven, go to the bathroom and clean yourself up, you’re perspiring heavily. Meet me outside. We need to talk.” Steven walks with her, with Spinel clinging onto him. 

“Stay here, Spinel.” She looks disappointed, but sits back on the couch to bother Garnet instead.

Steven steps out of the bathroom after washing his face and hands, lightly patting a hand-towel on his face, panting.

Spinel looks up at him and blushes, bringing her silly little gloves to her cheek, grinning. _Oh, he’s soooo dreamy._

After that, Steven heads outside to sit on the lawn chairs with Pearl. She watches him sit. 

“Steven... I’m a bit worried about you,” Pearl says with concern. 

“Haha, why?! I’m perfectly fine!” Steven says as he thumps his leg up and down anxiously. No, he’s not fine. 

“Steven...” he places her hand on his knee to stop him. “Where’s Connie?”

Oh, right. Connie. He took her off his mind. “Sh-She’s out of the hospital right now, but her mom told her she can’t see me for like a year.”

Ah, that’s why he’s hanging out so much with Spinel. 

“And... Spinel’s not only replacing her as your best friend, but also your girlfriend,” she observes. 

“Huh?” H-How did she know about that? 

Pearl notices his facial expression change. “I couldn’t help but overhear you two the other night— I could feel the bed creaking and rocking,” she looked down. 

Oh, so it wasn’t Lion who opened the door and left, it was Pearl. 

“And... you’re not mad?”

“Oh, I’m not mad.” Huh?

“Steven... I can’t describe how special Connie is.” Pearl folds her arms.

Huh? He doesn’t understand. 

“I know you’re in pain. I know she rejected your proposal and you’re still hurt, but you can’t just give up on her like this.”

She... was right. He really did give up on Connie too quickly— he was just so mad, and frustrated, and hurt, and lonely after she said no. He wanted to get back at her, and he also wanted some kind of comfort to pass the time.

Had... he been using Spinel this whole time? 

“You know Spinel’s just a phase, right?” 

Steven feels his heart break. It’s like he read her mind, but he doesn’t want to admit it.

“No she’s not! Where’d you get that idea?”

Pearl sighs. She wants to tell him that he only wants to be with her because he’s alone and craves affection.

“Steven, Spinels in Homeworld...  attach themselves to the nearest person they see. They’re assigned to or come across an owner, and they’re meant to entertain and serve them for life. But since you have Pink Diamond’s gem, you’re still bound to each other, and she won’t let go.”

Steven turns his hands into a fist. 

“Sh-shut up, Pearl. That’s not t-true,” he mutters under his breath. 

“But it’s true. Spinels would always host plays for the elites and act, and they’d plan parties and gatherings.” 

“Steven, her feelings for you are completely artificial and robotic, and you’re going to realize that soon... 

She was made for you, made to love only you— she didn’t get to decide these feelings on her own, and neither did the other Spinels. It’s all in their DNA.” 

Steven clenches his teeth. 

“She was assigned to you. But unlike Spinel, Connie naturally and consciously chose to love you. Isn’t that beautiful?” 

Steven doesn’t want to listen to her— he can’t believe that Spinel’s feelings for him aren’t real, and probably aren’t her own. Was he just a— a job, an assignment, a task, or something, she had to do everyday? Was he unknowingly her boss or something? _Does he own Spinel?_

“And they’re known to become obsessively attached to their owners— what if you lose interest in her? What if you need a break from her? You won’t ever be able to seperate from her, and she’ll always follow you. Doesn’t that scare you?”

Steven... doesn’t like this at all. 

“Steven, Connie is so important and necessary for your life. You need her.”

“H-How come?”

“Well, Connie has a future— she’s in college and she’s going to get a great job someday. If you stay with her, she can support you.”

He didn’t think about that. He had been so focused on the present, on helping Spinel, that he forgot about his future. 

“Not to mention, Connie has friends, and a mother and father, and— you’ve missed out on so much. You’ve missed out on all of school, and extracurriculars and graduation, and prom...”

“But that doesn’t mean you can’t experience that. Connie’s a human, and she’s the only one who can help you assimilate into society on Earth. She can help you make friends, and find a job, and teach you so many things. She puts her hand by her mouth and whispers: “Not to mention, she has two very wealthy parents who support her.” 

He doesn’t like using Connie, but Pearl really has valid points. He has to think about himself, now.

“Steven, you’ve spent the majority of your life living in a 40-year old van, helping your dad work at the car wash. You were robbed of so, so much solely because your Gem. You may be royalty across the galaxy, but you’re just another regular human on Earth. You can move on from all of that now, but she’s become an obstacle. Don’t you think you deserve a better life? What can Spinel offer you?”

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Steven hates listening to this. 

“Spinel... is just another cookie-cutter gem. Steven— there’s dozens like her on Homeworld. She doesn’t have a family, or a real job, or a future. She will always depend on her owner, and that is you. And even then, she can move on to another owner. I mean, she worked for the other Diamonds for some time, didn’t she?”

_Worked..._ He closes his eyes, feeling her pain. That’s right. She didn’t live like a Diamond, and she didn’t actually replace Pink. She was only chosen because she belonged to Pink and resembles her, that’s it. Nobody personally cared for her. The Diamonds needed someone to fill that void Pink left behind, and she was being used the whole time, living in the shadow of someone who abused and mistreated her. 

I mean, Spinel hated Pink Diamond, but the Diamonds always talk and boast about her. Why would she tolerate that? 

That’s why she left. He starts to piece everything together. He bets the Diamonds never went on some mission, and that she lied to him— Steven’s certain that Spinel escaped Earth to start over, just like the others did. 

Spinel really was a Crystal Gem. 

Maybe Pearl was right all along. 

“I mean, maybe this is all a sign. She mysteriously reverted back to herself— back to a simple court jester, showing her true colors to you. This is what she is, Steven— do you want that?”

No. He doesn’t.

While Spinel was his court jester, Connie was his Knight.

“Even if she does change back, you know how unstable she is.

I know that you have the need to help everyone, Steven. I know you see the good in everything and want to heal and fix people.”

He... knows her so well. He doesn’t like to say it.

“And I know Spinel’s another one of your... projects.”

This infuriates Steven.

“No! She’s special!”

She changes the subject. 

“Regardless— I don’t think you’ll ever actually be able to cure her without sacrificing an arm and a leg. I can see how tired she’s made you. She’s a piece of work, and that’s evident by her outburts. Are you gonna put up with that for the rest of your life, Steven?”

“No, but—“

Pearl quickly cuts him— 

“And what about children?”

Steven’s heart sinks once he hears that. _Children._

“Spinel’s a gem, Steven... she can’t have children unless she sacrifice her form.” Or maybe Steven loses his form? Either way, the results would be painful. 

Fuck. She’s right. 

“Besides, she can barely take care of herself. I see how she always relies on you. Even if she had children, she wouldn’t be able to raise them normally, considering she’s an alien.”

She’s completely cornered by him. Pearl knows how badly he’d like to have children and form a family. It was always just him and his dad— he never had a real family— he just wanted to know what it was like—

“Connie, however, can— and she might not be able to have gem children, but they’ll still be yours.” Pearl holds his hands. “You can have children, Steven. You can have a family, a wife, and a future. You can live on Earth as a human being. Isn’t that wonderful?”

Yes, he says. It is wonderful. 

“Plus, you need to think of your legacy. Who’s going to be the bridge between humans and Gems once you’re gone?” She pokes him, in a motherly way. “Your future children, that’s who. You have to see the bigger picture.”

He... he really was that distracted this whole time. Wow. 

“Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz are gone, Steven. You saved the galaxy, and everything’s finally over. You don’t have to live in the shadow of your mother anymore, and neither do I— you now have the power to shape your own destiny!”

This... changes everything. Spinel will always remind Steven of his mother— he’ll never be able to move on, because she still hasn’t. 

“Steven, I know that your Gem heritage is important to you. I’m so glad that you’ve learned everything I taught you— your family history, your planet, your culture— but you have to remember that you’re also a human being. You’re a human being first and foremost.”

_ Your mother wanted you to become a human being._

_ Oh, that stung hard. _

Steven starts to choke up, tearing up a bit. Everything Pearl is saying is correct. 

“After all you’ve been through, don’t you just want to live normally from now on? Connie is the only one who can help you escape all this Gem stuff.” 

He nods in agreement, and completely understands. He has to let go of Spinel, for his own good. He hates to admit it, but she’s ruining his life, and she doesn’t even know it. Spinel’s holding him back, and she’s a distraction for him. 

It’s already sunset. 

“I’m glad you’ve come to your senses, Steven. The Gems and I have been worried sick about you. We just.. don’t think Spinel is very healthy for you.”

I mean, she did try to kill him.

“Please, not just for me, but for you— please try to patch things up with Connie. I know she still likes you.”

Steven and Pearl simultaneously stand, and they hug. 

“Thank you, Pearl,” Steven says as he stands up.

“I’m gonna go take a shower and head to bed.” Pearl nods and waves goodbye as Steven enters the house. Spinel’s nowhere to be seen, but he goes into the bathroom anyway. 

Steven takes off his clothes and turns on the shower, and enters. He bathes as normal, until he notices Pink’s elegant container. 

Now... why was that even there, anyway?

Steven turns off the showerhead to investigate. He takes the pink bottle and opens it. 

He pours what’s left of the liquid on his hand. 

Steven grunts, and tries to bite his bottom lip as hard as he possibly can, causing him to cut himself and bleed. He winces in pain as it stings, and wipes some blood off his mouth. 

Steven dabs some of the healing tears on his injury, in hopes it magically clears his lip like it should. 

He lightly bites his mouth, but the cut is still there. He pokes his lip, only to look at his finger and see even more blood. 

It didn’t work. What the fuck is going on?

Steven then takes the water from the bubble bath soap— the Strawberry one— and pours it on his hand. He dabs it, and feels his lip tingle, and— 

He pats the affected area— and suddenly, the cut is gone, and he can’t sense any blood and— 

He then looks at his hands, and the liquid he poured onto himself shimmers and sparkles— just like his healing spit.

Holy shit. Someone tampered with this.

And he couldn’t tell it was magical in the first place because the bubbles glittered anyway, confusing him. He couldn’t have known.

So Spinel had been bathing in this the whole time. Someone knew she would use it. 

Who would do this? Who would do this to Spinel, or want to hurt her— Steven thinks back to his conversation with Pearl and— 

He furrows his brow in anger. Oh, he’s mad. 

He needs to have a talk with Pearl. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus christ i made these two fuck like rabbits  
> i just realized what a potentially sexualized character spinel is. she has her elasticity, allowing her to tie people up, and she has her childish persona which people would associate w ddlg. AND NO THIS WILL NOT BECOME A DDLG OR A BDSM FIC even tho im Sure spinel is a total Freak  
> i also accidentally made pearl the antagonist in this story lmaooooo its sardonyx arc all over again  
> new subplot! i’m actually done planning the story.  
> i actually prepared three or four more small subplots/major events and the finale and oh my god, i feel like a monster. it’s gonna be SO sad.  
> thanks for reading though! enjoy :]


	20. Jester’s Wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven confronts Pearl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter, but it’s a bit short. i recommend rereading the last one as i actually edited it (as of 06/24) and added to it a bunch. it’s way more fleshed out now and opens up so many more doors for future chapters and gives more insight on spinel.
> 
> btw the next ones are intense watch out xD we’re gonna see a LOT of spade
> 
> enjoy!

Steven Universe was _pissed._

He had just found out that Pearl— one of the only people in this world he could trust— tampered with his shower bottles and made Spinel unknowingly bathe in Rose’s healing tears, completely reversing her to her original state.

Steven kicks the bathroom door open— the handle slamming onto wall, denting it— and steps into the living room.

He looks up at Pearl, who’s on the couch.

Pearl is just... daintily sitting there. “Oh! Steven, done so soon?” She’s totally unfazed by his change in attitude. “Your showers are usually longer,” she observed. 

He’s furious to see her patronizing him like this.

“Pearl, cut it out. I know you switched the bottles.” 

Pearl lets out a slight gasp. She shuffles in her seat, and anxiously fiddles with her hands. 

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about, Steven.”

“What’s this, then?” He holds Rose’s bottle in his palm, even throwing it lightly, up and down his hand.

”Steven— be careful with that—“

He then smashes it with said hand, shattering it into little pieces. Pearl watches as they all drop to the floor.

“St-Steven!” she stands up. _That was Rose’s_ , she mutters quietly. He can’t hear her. She composes herself, and pretends it doesn’t have sentimental value. “Oh, great. You’re making a mess. Now I have to clean this all up, and—“

_ “PEARL.”  _

Pearl gets scared, and tenses up, putting her hand to her chest.

She looks down, ashamed.

Finally, Pearl gives in.

“I... I’m sorry.”

_ He fucking knew it.  _

“WHY? Why would you do this?!” he shouts at her, raising his arms. Garnet and Amethyst are inside the temple, so he knows its just him and Pearl. It’s time for her to confess.

“Steven, I’m not going to allow you to be with Spinel. I can’t let you do that!” 

_ Oh, hell no.  _

“You _knew_ how much she meant to me, Pearl.” He says between gritted teeth. “ I. told. you. that.”

“Ste-e-ven,” she tries to assure him, “Trust me, I knew Spinel personally. She was no good, that gem! A real _wild_ card, that one—” she says playfully. “She was so concerning, in fact, that your mother and I ran away from her. And then, and then, _get this_ — she tried to kill you to get revenge on her. Would your mother want that? For you to fall in love with a gem who was her enemy?” Pearl tries to pressure and guilt him knowing talking about his mother will eventually break him down, “Is that what you’re going to do to her, after all she’s done for you? She’d be so ashamed and heartbroken, she’d—“

**“SHE’S GONE!”** he screams at the top of his lungs, so loudly that the house starts to shake, and he breaks a lightbulb. A couple books fall out the bookshelf.

A silence sweeps across the room. Steven is done hearing about his fucking mother. He doesn’t care about what she thinks. She’s gone, and he paid for all of her mistakes, and it’s _his_ life now, with his own decisions, not her’s.  He puts his hands into fists as his cheeks glow pink in anger. 

Pearl starts to shake anxiously, holding her hands up. “Now, now, Steven. Calm down. We can talk this out. There’s no need to get so aggressive. Remember what I taught you— breathe in, breathe out—“ 

“No! Shut up, Pearl, shut u—Oh no.” 

Steven notices Spinel on the stairs, creeping behind the wall, trembling as she looks at him in fear. He looks at her in the eyes, ashamed that she’s seeing him like this, so violent, and she quickly goes back in hiding. 

Pearl turns around and catches her shuffle. “S-See, you’re frightening her, Steven. You’re making us uncomfortable with your outburst. Are you really gonna throw a silly tantrum over this? For Pete’s sake, you’re eighteen, now, and—“

Steven ignores her and stomps his foot, once again shaking the floor and silencing Pearl.

“Spinel. _Come out._ ”

There’s a pause, but Spinel slowly starts to peek out, and she drifts to the center of the room. She looks down, unable to face Steven... his tantrum right now— feels a bit too familiar.

Spinel shapes her hands into the diamond insignia to him. 

”Spinel, but your hands down,” he commands her and she quickly does. 

“Spinel, you should know something,” Steven says.

She looks up, confused. Steven points at the broken bottle, and shows her the Strawberry one. 

“Pearl tampered with the shower bottles— that bubble bath you used, she switched it with Rose’s healing tears. You’re reset now, Spinel.” he yells. “You’re not you! Snap out of it!”

“Huh?” Spinel’s eyes widen as memories come flashing back. This can’t be true, is it? “B-But Pearl’s so nice! She wouldn’t do that, she’s m-my friend, maybe not my best like you but— we even shook hands and p-played and—“ 

“Spinel, you’re wrong. Pearl is _not_ your friend.” Pearl’s eyes widen.

“No, Spinel, don’t listen to h—“ Pearl raises her voice, but Steven bubbles her face— her screams completely muffled as she tries to remove it.

“No, no—“ her voice cracks. Pearl’s not her friend? Does that mean Steven isn’t her friend either? Is she gonna be alone again? _Is Pearl gonna take her place as Steven’s playmate?!_ She starts mumbling incoherently, knees falling to the floor. “I just wanted to belong to someone, I j-just want to belong to anybody—“ she’s holding back tears as she bites her lip, quivering. 

Steven glares at her. He can’t stand to see her in pain like this, but he’s hoping to trigger something in her. He has to go through.

“N-No, this can’t be true. Y-you’re lying, I’m fine! See?! I’m fine!” She looks up to her hand, only to notice that she’s glowing. “Huh—wha?”

“Spinel!” shouts Steven. 

“I’m glowing!” she says, looking down at her self, frowning. “Steven, help— I-I mean look!” Suddenly her expression changes on and off, and she’s unable to compose herself, changing personalities on a whim.

”How silly! _Help, help—_ Look how funny I look now!” she says robotically, as if she was being forced to laugh, and starts giggling again like a child, louder and louder and uncontrollably, as she shines brighter.

It... she seems to be remembering her past. It looks that finding out Pearl reset her triggered her, bringing back memories. 

This is starting to make sense.  After all, she did think that Steven would rejuvinate her and wipe her memories. It seems that reenacting events from her life again seems to trigger her memories, much like before.

Who in the world is Spinel? _Ah, that's the great puzzle._ Steven recognizes that he has to find the next piece now. 

He’s repeating what he did two years ago, this time at the hands of Rose’s healing tears. Is he always gonna suffer because of his mother?

“Spinel!” But her giggles overpower his voice— soon, they rapidly shift to terrifying, sadistic cackles. Her heartbuns unform, revealing her crazy, spiky, pigtails, and black tears start streaming down her face, staining her skin and—

She’s changed.

Spinel looks around the room, standing up, until she takes a good look at Steven and Pearl.

He gulps. 

“S-Spinel? Is that you?”

She grins menacingly.

“Well— Well— Well— Well— _Welll,”_ she says aggressively— the tone of her voice has changed for the worst. “Lemme get a look at the managerie!” 

Hey, wait. That sentence rings a bell, like he’s heard it before— like it’s something she’s said— specifically,  it sounds like one of the first things she said to him.

He gasps as he remembers their first confrontation.

_ Spade. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if someone guesses what the title is a reference to ill give u a cookie
> 
> i cant stop with the fairytale references lmao. first cinderella then sleeping beauty now alice in wonderland. they _do_ talk a lot about happily ever afters in the movie tho >w> so its fitting


	21. Aggrieve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel talks to Pearl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fully proofread! enjoy :P
> 
> writing evil characters is fun but so hard xD

Steven looks up at Spinel’s new terrifying form, trembling. He doesn’t believe it! She had just been a cute and bubbly little jester a few minutes ago— and now she’s a violent and menacing joker, determined to kill him and Pearl.

_ And she was here to get her revenge. _

He doesn’t like where this is going, but confronting Spade— that’s his nickname for her— is the only way to get her back to normal. He had to get through to all of them in order. Two out of three clovers down, at least. _Not bad_. 

Pearl gasps for air as she finally pops the bubble that had enveloped her. Spinel perks her ears and notices, and rapidly faces her, remembering what she was transformed from Heart for. Pearl starts shaking in fear, recalling her murderous form from the past. 

Spinel sharply points down at her— and she looks horrifying. 

**_ You. _ **

_Oh, no,_ Steven gulps.  This can’t be good.

“Wh-Why, hello there, S-Spinel! How do you do?” says Pearl. “Would you like to shake hands again?!” Pearl asks between awkward, yet terrified, laughs. She hesitantly raises her hand up in hopes Spinel will calm down and accept her.

“Oh, come on, don’t play _stupid_. You failed, toots! You can’t get rid a me that easily— I know you tried to reset me, thanks ta wonderboy’s detective skills here,” she nudges at him and turns back to Pearl. 

Wonderboy?!

“I, I can explain. We can talk this out, Spinel—“ urges Pearl. 

“I’m sicka talkin’!” she raises her voice. 

“I wanna fight!” Pearl tries to step back, but Spinel grabs her hand like she requested and digs her nails into her, making Pearl wince. 

“You tried ta’ wipe me so you could keep Stevie all to yourself, huh? Huh? Just like you took Pink Diamond from me?! REMEMBER THAT? ‘Cuz I sure do!”

_ What was she talking about?!  _ Did— Did Pearl do that so she could have Steven to herself as well?! Was Pearl really that alone, that she couldn’t stand Steven spend more time with someone else? 

I mean, she did partially raise him... and she herself told him he was her life-project.

“Now, now, Spinel— we can just talk this out! You don’t need to get so viol— _eehh_!” yelps Pearl as Spinel finally shakes her hand and throws her up the ceiling, slamming her against it. _Oof!_

Pearl drops to the wooden floor and groans.

“Spinel!” shouts Steven.

“Keep yer mouth shut, Steven— this is between me an her. This ain’t about you anymore. 

It’s about _Pink._ ” 

_Isn’t it always_ , he groans. Spinel looks down at the injured and weakened Pearl. 

“You knew how much Pink meant ta’ me, Pearlie. You were jealous a me an’ her, weren’t cha? I was a brand new Spinel, a perfect cut, while you were just her, _used_ replacement. I mean, you weren’t even _that_ shiny.” 

Pearl keeps her mouth shut. She’s starting to get to her. 

“Pink an’ I would play every single day, while you were forced ta’ clean up after us.” Spinel starts to chuckle manically, belittling Pearl.

“Embarassin’, ain’t it? While I got ta’ talk to her everyday— as her _best friend_ —you had ta keep your stupid mouth shut to serve her, watchin’ us enjoy ourselves all day. She neva cared about ya, and I could tell. You were just another servant to her.”

“Weren’t ya... _Pearl_?” grins Spinel. 

Pearl whinces as she says her name. No— _their_ name; the names of all the Pearls who served the elite on Homeworld— and Pearl was just another one of them. After all, that’s what she was made for— to serve. Pearl wasn’t even originally Pink’s— Pearl had belonged to another elite in Pink’s court, but she was stationed somewhere else after Pink lost her pearl. She had no idea what happened to that pearl until recently.

Pearl lifts her waist up and grunts, albeit still on the floor. 

“Well, I’m right, aren’t I? I mean, the proof is in the puddin’— and he’s right in front a me,” she points at Steven, smirking.

Steven flinches. _T-That’s not true!_

“Pink Diamond ran away ta Earth to escape _aaaaaaall_ her problems on Homeworld— after playing her lil’ _game_ with the Diamonds, the bloody war— she, she then dragged _you_ along to suck up to her all her stupid, reckless decisions.” 

Spinel seems to sound a bit heartbroken and betrayed, thinking about how Pink chose Pearl over her. 

“And you never said no to her once, did you? You wanted to make her _so_ happy. You were so naive and stupid ta think she’d stay with you foreva if you complied with everything she did, weren’t cha?”

This is agonizing! Steven has to put an end to this.

“Spinel, stop!” and he raises his arms up, trying to come between them.

“Shut up, Steven!” she extends her leg and kicks him across the room, without hesitation. She didn’t even care that she was hurting him, even after all they went through. Was she really gone?

He slams, forcing Steven to the ground. “Steven!” shouts Pearl.

Spinel composes herself and continues. “But Pink Diamooond fell in love with someone else, didn’t she? A lowly human. _A nobody._ But I’m sure she had other foolish lovers in the past, didn’t she? Many, I’m sure,” she laughs.

Pearl’s heart sinks as she recalls those painful, heartbreaking memories. 

“Leavin’ you in the dirt to waste away— now look at you, clinging to the person nearest you that’s like her. You just _had_ to take him away from me, for the _second_ time, didn’t you?”

_ ”Pathetic.”  _ Pearl winces.

”You must be _so_ jealous of our relationship, aren’t you? My, how the tables have turned... you stole me from her, and now I get to bite back.”

”And it was so easy, too!” she cackles. “He couldn’t help but fall for me, that pathetic loser. Trust me, Stevie and I here have had a _lot_ of fun these past few weeks,” Steven gulps, “and it’s a shame he just forgot about you so quickly like that, isn’t it?” She hums. Honestly, she didn’t even need to use a rejuvinator on him— he had already left behind so much of his past life to be with Spinel, he’s nearly lost himself to her. And he just realized that.

Pearl can’t help but sting as she hears that. Maybe she’s right— she thought—she had to let Steven go, he’s an adult after all—but she wasn’t ready. Not only did she love him so much, but he reminded her so much of Rose— he’s all she had left of her. 

”We have more in common than we thought, then,” says Spinel, glaring at her, referring to their dependency on Steven. 

Steven starts to lift himself up, panting. 

“And ta top it  off, she left ya behind completely, turnin’ herself inta him, sacrificing her form. How _insignificant_ do you have to be to her, for her ta kill herself and leave you alone. She hated you so much she wanted to make you suffer in silence like that for years, huh? But you couldn’t say anything, as criticizing Steven’s existence would paint you the bad guy, no? She left you to _rot,_ lost and confused and directionless without your ‘ _master_ ’.”

She starts laughing. Oh, this is _hilarious_. Maybe Pearl was the real clown, not her!

Pearl starts to tear up. “Don’t listen to her, Pearl!” shouts Steven. 

“She made a mistake leaving me behind. I know it wasn’t on purpose, I mean she loved me! I’m— I’m sure it wasn’t in her control— and that she just mindlessly forgot me — she must’ve been so worried about me and missed me so much, right?”

“No. She didn’t.”

_ Huh? _

“She barely spoke about you when she was alive on Earth. Maybe once or twice, but that’s it. She swept you under the rug centuries ago, Spinel.” 

Spinel can’t help but flinch, but she composes herself and growls, bringing her hands to her gem. 

“Oh, baby, you’re gonna pay for sayin’ that,” she scowls. 

Suddenly Spinel summons her weapon— a scythe very similar to the Rejuvinator, this time without its original regenerative properties. It was just a normal blade now— Bismuth made it for her because she recognized her potential as a Crystal Gem, knowing she could help the gems fight monsters on Earth. She had used it to train with Steven numerous times. 

_ Oh, what a mistake Bismuth made to give her that.  _

Pearl draws her spear from her forehead, and launches herself at Spinel. Spinel dodges, cackling, and rolls across the room. 

“Here, _catch!_ ” shouts Spinel as she swings her scythe around the room, like a boomerang— it ruthlessly destroys everything in its path. Destroying books, breaking windows, and cutting pictures apart. 

The scythe returns to her, and she launches it again— this time, the stuffing from the couch exploded as her weapon ripped it— and it also scratched the kitchen counter aggressively. She was destroying the house!

It returns to her, and she grips it tightly in her hands.

“Oh, how funny! At least my dear, sweet weapon came back ta me,” she chuckles to herself, in a self deprecating way. Despite hurting him, Steven couldn’t help but still feel sad for Spinel— but he has to stop her! She can’t express her anger this way.

Steven rushes in, dividing them again.

“Spinel, stop! I can’t stand to see you two fighting like this.”

Spinel stands her ground. “Steven, get outta the way!” she tries to shove him to the side, surprisingly gentler this time, but he shields himself. 

“Don’t you see it? You’re sisters!” he shouts at her. 

There’s a pause. 

“...How so?”

_I’m listenin’_ , thinks Spinel. She still has a soft spot for Steven, it seems, despite returning to her violent form that originally intended to kill him. She’s still willing to talk to him.

“You’re both made by Pink Diamond— and you both served her! Hasn’t it ever occurred to you that you’re like a family? A broken one, sure, but a family nonetheless?”

He’s... right. They hadn’t thought of it like this.

“I mean, we _were_ raised in the same palace for centuries...” notes Pearl. ”Pink practically raised us, and she was our big sister.” 

“See? Why don’t you talk to each other? Try to talk about happened— just give it a try.

Spinel feels her heart sink. It’s all coming together.

Steven starts to sing— Spinel covers her ears, grunting in annoyance, but gradually lets go to listen as the lyrics start to make sense.

_You might not believe it_ ♫

_You might not believe it, but you’ve got a lot in common, you really do_ ♫

_You both love me_ ,  _and I love both you_ ♫

Spade usually can’t stand Steven’s sappy songs, but... he’s got a point. She starts to reevaluate her feelings. Maybe she can try to make amends with her new big “sister.”

“Well, ain’t it nice ta meet cha, _sis_ ,” Spinel mumbles sarcastically as she folds her arms in defeat. 

She’ll do it _for him_. Just for him. 

“You were right, Spinel, you’re both more similar than you thought. Like, you have so much in common! Even in the bad ways! You were both taken advantage of by Pink Diamond— and you were both abandoned by her! You can both help eachother, you can both heal— together!” Steven tries to boost morale. He can fix this! He can get to her and fix their relationship. 

“Yeah, but my pain is _far_ worse than hers. She’ll never understand how I feel!” she frowns.

“Honestly, I still don’t get how she did it,” she starts rambling to herself, distracted, ”she just sat all pretty all day like that, doin’ nothin’! She was just another one of Pink’s shiny trophies! She’s just anotha submissive Pearl, so easily replaceable, an accessory and a _tool_ —“ Steven’s face heats up after realizing her hypocrisy. 

“Yeah, well, so were you, Spinel!” shouts Steven at the top of his lungs, shutting his eyes. 

They all go silent, and Spinel herself starts panicking, looking embarassed, and steps back.

”No, you’re w-wrong! I don’t belong to her! I don’t belong to anybody!” says Spinel as she starts shouting.

How different Spade is from Heart now. My, how the deck has shuffled. 

_ Oh, no. _ Steven starts panicking and reaches out to her, but she shoves him away.  _Why did he say that?! _

Hook, line, and _sink_ her. Now’s her chance. 

Pearl tries to lunge towards her, but Spinel raises her scythe to the ceiling and shatters the main light bulb— the living room turning pitch dark, leaving Pearl blind. 

“Marco!? Polo!” she cackles as she heads to the warp pad. “Augh!” Steven tries to jump on top of her to stop her, but she’s too fast— she quickly flips away to the platform. The warp pad lights up and she drifts away in a flash, sticking her tongue out to piss them off even more.

Dammit. She got away. 

Pearl bends down to her knees and pants, and Steven turns around to look at her.

“I’m... I’m sorry I couldn’t stop her Steven. I haven’t actually fought in so long— just weak little corrupted gems on easy missions— I guess that means I’m a bit rusty, heh,” she looks so ashamed. 

Steven sighs. He really wishes she hadn’t attacked Spinel— he thought they could talk it out, and he could mediate— but maybe that wouldn’t work out anyway in the heat of the moment.

“Don’t worry, Pearl. I’m gonna run after her. Just rest here!” Steven rushes to the warp pad and stomps onto the platform. 

“Steven!” she gasps. “Are you sure you can take her?”

“Yeah! The only way we can solve this is by talking this out. This has to be solved between us, without violence— that’s the only way we can bring her back to her true self and finish the puzzle. If I don’t come back soon, just get Amethyst and Garnet, okay?!”

Pearl nods as the pad illuminates and Steven floats away. 

_ Oh, Steven, please be safe. You have no idea how dangerous she is.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel that i might have implied that pearlrose is incestuous by portraying them as sisters but that was NOT my intention whatsoever. they’re gems, not humans, and i use the word sister very very loosely, as it has a completely different meaning in this context. i just used this example to emphasize how pearl and spinel were cut from the same diamond and were raised in the same palace together, fighting for their sister/mother figure’s attention like real siblings would. a boyfriend, for example, can be seen as a protective father figure— but obviously he’s not actually a father. it’s not literal. 
> 
> steven, pearl, amethyst, and spinel and jasper are all technically related because they were all from pink’s colony, but they’re not actually siblings, just part of a large, complicated alien family. i just wanted to clarify that i meant to use sisterhood very broadly and impersonally, just as a metaphor, and that i Do Not condone incest, just in case there was any confusion. ok that is all xD
> 
> violence incoming :)


	22. Your Mother and Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven searches for Spinel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE PLOT TWIST!! ive been so anxious to reveal this. enjoy !!

The Sky Arena.

Steven and Spinel had visited these ruins numerous times to practice sparring and battles— as well as experimenting with new moves and techniques for fighting. This site was perfect for a fight, thanks to its clear, marble surface and its numerous columns to jump, hide with, and push themselves from. 

It was only fitting that Spinel would be here— after all, she said she was looking for a fight.

But of course, due to Steven’s pacificist nature, he had to at least try to talk to her civilly. He understands why she feels angry and betrayed, and he feels her pain, but he has to stop her before she hurts the other gems, like he did to Pearl. It seems she never got over this “other friends” thing. It all makes sense, he thought— that’s why she was always so tense and distant around them. 

Steven warps into the sky arena and squints, looking around the wide arena in search of Spinel. He hears footsteps, and turns around. 

“Well, if it isn’t _Steven Universe_!” says Spinel. His name usually sounds kinder under her lips, but today it just sounds so... sour. She has her scythe in her hand, and she’s holding it behind her neck as she steps closer towards Steven. 

“Spinel,” he shouts. “You have to stop this. You’re out of control!”

“Oh, save it, Steven,” she looks to the side. “I _know_ you planned the whole thing with Pearl,” she says, gazing towards him. 

Huh? “No! Where’d you get that idea?”

“I mean, it all makes sense, really...” she proceeds, “of course you’d want ta’ get rid of a easily. Perhaps you thought I was a danger or a distraction to you, hm? Was I _that_ clingy and annoying?” 

She suddenly gets closer to him, face to face. “You two were in kahoots, weren’t cha? Weren’t cha! _Kahoots!_ You were in kahoots. I know it, don’t lie to me,” she points aggressively at him. 

She’s borderline psychotic right now. He can tell from how quickly she’s talking and how shaken her eyes look. Not to mention her wild accusations she’s imagined about him. It’s horrifying. 

“I mean, you did try before with my rejuvenator, hm?” she holds her weapon in front of her and slides her fingers down its blade, admiring it. “Thought you’d give it another go?” 

“Spinel, that’s not true. I told you, I never intended to reset you, and I still don’t! I know you’re not perfect, but I would never try to erase your memories after how far you’ve come. You were becoming so much healthier and happier now! You made so much amazing progress. Don’t you want that back?!” 

“No, _you_ want that back. I know how you treated my past self— you just couldn’t help yourself, could ya? She was so innocent, so playful, so affectionate, so submissive...”

Steven gulps. 

“And so, _so_ , stupid.” 

“I never thought a ya as a guy who takes advantage of a lady like that. You’re so... weak, after all. Then again, you liked being in control, no? You liked being the smarter one. After all, Connie’s a genius, and so, so much better than your pathetic self— you just wanted to know how it felt to finally be in control for once, hm?” 

She... she’s right. She did take advantage of her to feel higher. He can’t believe he did that. 

“Fitting for a Diamond who’s royalty,” she adds. 

Steven couldn’t help but become enraged with that comment— despite his status and power, he never actually cared for those superficialities, and would never take advantage of his fellow Gems. He can’t believe she’d accuse him of that.

“After all, I’m just another one of your... cute accessories. A toy. It’s coded in your gem, after all, to treat others below you like objects.”

”You’ve really become so much like her now, it’s sad, really,” she says condescendingly. 

Steven stings at the sound of that. 

She starts to get more aggressive. “You thought you got rid a me, _huh_? W-With the use a your— magic potion— presto, chang-o, kablamo! Just like that!” she shouts alongside dramatic hand motions. 

Spinel takes a deep breath, and her voice suddenly becomes sarcastically saccharine, startling Steven.

“Dear, sweet— _precious_ —“ she says between gritted teeth, sensually bringing a hand to her cheek, “Spinel would become a clean slate, unbeknownst to her that she had been mistreated and betrayed— by someone who now saw her as an inconvenience and an obstacle.”

She returns to her raspy voice.

“I’d be wiped of aaaaall my painful, traumatic memories, and I’d be a problem no more,” she continues. “I know how much my little outburts disturbed you an’ your little... pets.”

And finally her tone of voice shifts to a mocking one.

“Maybe you’re not the kind, patient, an’ compassionate healer you thought you were, hm? Thought you could follow in Rose Quartz’s footsteps? Or should I say— Pink Diamond’s little slippers?” 

Steven starts to clench his fists and press his teeth together. No, no! 

“I overhead your conversation with the pearl,” she begins, “And I know that you’re torn between me an’ Connie— you want a better life so bad, don’t cha— you want to become another regular, human boy and forget about your horrible gem heritage.” 

“Sound familiar, _Pink_?” she grins. 

He’s getting red. He fucking hates it when she calls him that. But he can’t help but notice the parallels between him and his mother now.

“Much like her, you were torn between me... and the Earth. Despite livin’ in a luxurious palace, free a responsibility, living carelessly as the gems you ruled over suffered, you still chose to abandon that privileged life and flee to Earth and start anew. How stupid do you have to be, really!” She starts cackling— all traces of Heart’s sweet giggles are gone, and her voice, as well as her laugh, are crude and abrasive now. “Oh, that’s good.” 

“And ya made it worse, really,” she says, unfazed, “Gems would tell me about how the Diamond’s dictatorial rule became _way_ more cutthroat and violent after Pink had died. Homeworld was deprived of resources, and they found themselves in the middle of a horribly taxing and sacrificial war.”

“You know that thousands of gems were shattered, right?” _Huh_? “Not for any particular crimes or wrongdoings— they were shattered because they were taking up resources. A waste of space. They had ta cut corners to fund the war, and that meant the loss of gem life.”

Steven’s heart sinks after hearing that— he almost chokes on air. That _can’t_ be true. Pearl never told him that. He starts hyperventilating, getting nauseous even.

She stays silent for a second and smirks to herself, then looks again at Steven intently.

“...Have you ever seen another Spinel, Steven?” she raises the pitch of her voice in a question. 

Steven takes a deep breath to calm himself down, and starts to actually think about it. Although Steven had visited Homeworld numerous times, he had never actually seen or met another Spinel. He was even mainly in the palace— there were bound to be Spinels there, entertaining and following their superiors. Nevertheless, there were none. He can’t believe he hadn’t realized that.

“No... I. I hadn’t.”

“I mean, what use were Spinels, simple court jesters, party-planners, actors, acrobats, playmates, and entertainers, to a post-war Homeworld? Gems were famished after your mother’s little game. Homeworld became even more brutal and structured after she left. The Diamonds were so angry and upset after her death, they tortured their subjects because they blamed them for her death. The planet had been deprived of all fun and entertainment— forcing all gems to live a life of endless slave labor and oppression. And those that were shattered into pieces? Well...

_What do you think they used to make the cluster?_ ”

Steven feels himself getting more nauseous, and he starts to throw up on the side. Spinel looks away. 

Steven wipes his mouth, and stares at the vomit in his hand for a second, and...

It’s pink. 

And covered in glitter.

That’s new.

Spinel smiles as she notices Steven becoming more and more like Her.

Everything she’s saying is true though. Spinel is so different from the other gems, after all— there are servants, builders, warriors, technicians, blacksmiths, terraformers, guards, lawyers— everybody had a part to play in Homeworld’s regime. But she and the other Spinels were an anomaly on that planet. They didn’t even have weapons! They were useless in the eyes of Homeworld, especially on the brink of a war and soon thereafter a recession, so they were the ones who had to go. 

Steven goes back to her comment about the cluster.

He... can’t believe it. Mom was a fucking murderer. She was at fault for _everything_ that happened to gems after her fake shattering. 

“I returned to Homeworld finally, after six thousand years. I was so alone, and so desperate to see my sisters— the other Spinels again. Only we could understand eachother as we were the ones who witnessed all of the elites plan their invasion of Earth and drive Homeworld to chaos.”

”That’s why I had the rejuvenator. It was my friend’s— another Spinel’s— Facet-1F2L Cut-2XC. She had stolen it from her superior. She and some other Spinels were interested in joinin’ the rebellion that was forming, after gems spread rumors about the beauty of the Earth. They were so excited to escape— it was their garden of Eden after years of servitude. And they were tryin’ ta  convince me ta join— b-but I couldn’t abandon Pink Diamond.”

”But they gave it to me anyway. They told me I needed to protect myself for some reason— I th-think they knew they’d get shattered and die trying to get to Earth. I don’t believe they were aware of the weapon’s true function though— they probably thought it was a normal blade— after all, we were all shielded from the violence outside of the palace walls until the riots started.”

Holy shit.

For some time, Steven had been doubting Spinel, wondering why she had that horrible weapon that was used to oppress Gems. But she was actually almost on his side the whole time, and some of the other Spinels were helping the Crystal Gems.

”Some a the riots, actually... were about us,” she adds, embarassed. “The Homeworld gems knew about us— the Spinels and all the otha’ weaklins’— how we were just tools fo’ entertainment, takin’ up space, and so they demanded we be shattered or enslaved to save the people.”

Man. That’s exactly what happened to the off-colors.

“But when I returned... I couldn’t find any of them. The Diamonds had shattered them all because they saw them as useless and disposable. Spinels weren’t the only ones— there were so many kinds of gems who disappeared during all that time, including Rose Quartzes.” 

“But of course, all but one survived.”

“And so did I,” she concludes.

Steven... just looks at her, seeing her in a different light. She herself had similarities to Pink— Rose— and even Pearl, too... the _sole survivors_ of Pink Diamond’s royal court.

That’s incredible.

Spinel starts to tense up, thinking of those traumatic memories— “I was the last Spinel left! I asked around, looked everywhere— none left! All the other ones were SHATTERED and forgotten, leavin’ me to rot! Some younger gems even asked me what a Spinel was, and had NEVA seen anybody like _ME_ before. THEY WERE ALL DEAD, STEVEN. And that’s WHOSE fault?!

WHOSE FUCKING FAULT,” she screams.

She’s shaking.

“My mother’s,” he responds. He’s afraid to admit it, but he has to take responsibility now. 

“My mother’s, Spinel,” he looks down in complete shame.

He finally understands why she hated his mother so much. She’s not only responsible for abandoning her for centuries, but she’s also the one who caused the war, killing and sacrificing thousands of gems— and weak gems like Spinel had to pay the price.

Steven tries to reach out to her— give her a hug, anything—

“I’m... I’m so sorry, Spinel. I-I had no idea she did that to you. I knew that what you went through was bad enough, with her leaving you in the garden, but—“ 

Wait a second.

_ She left her in the garden.  _

“Spinel...” says Steven, anxiously. His heart is racing, and he starts stammering. “Sp-Sp-Spinel, w-wait—“

“What,” she asks— stern, but slightly confused. “Spit it out, dummy!”

It’s all starting to make sense now. A spark lights up in him. He stands up and grabs her firmly by the shoulders so she can understand him loud and clear.

“Spinel!— don’t you see?! Mom didn’t abandon you because she hated you or wanted you to suffer— this was before she planned to settle in the Earth, right?!”

She’s listening.

”She must had already planned to execute her fake death, and prepared her escape to Earth— she must have known about the shattered Gems! She must have known about the Spinels!”

She must have known about _you_.

Spinels heart drops. She can barely move, as she’s just standing there in a state of shock. Devoid of feeling.

No. 

Fucking. 

Way.

She doesn’t believe it. 

“N-No, no fucking way. There’s no way that’s true—“ she starts panicking. Everything she believed about Pink— suddenly disappearing— no, no!

“Spinel, snap out of it! Pink Diamond knew you were going to get shattered soon, along with the other liabilities, so she led you in the garden and she told you to stand still so you can’t go back to Homeworld!

She _SAVED_ you!” 

“T-That’s not true. That’s not true at all. She left me there for SIX THOUSAND YEARS,” she raises her voice, panicking— “ _SIX THOUSAND YEARS._ ”

“Spinel... I don’t think she ever foresaw any of this happening. She probably thought someone would notice you left, and come looking for you— but they never did. She likely never checked because she thought you were gone, taken to safety to another planet as a refugee.”

“Besides, do you really think she’d come back to anywhere near Homeworld as Rose Quartz?! She had to protect herself and go in hiding to support the Crystal Gems, Spinel! _She was their leader!_ ”

“T-Then why didn’t she take me with h-her ta Earth, huh? Huh, huh, HUH?” her weird Bostonian accent is coming back after she had retired it for a second. 

Oh, she’s cracking.

“Spinel, she was preparing to fight a WAR. She was fighting at all times, for hundreds of years— that was no place for her Spinel! Of course she never brought you, she KNEW it would traumatize you, and she knew you were too weak, and she knew you’d get killed!” 

Spinel drops her knees to the floor, in complete shock.

”So she decided that the best approach was to wait it out until you were rescued.”

She can’t even look up at Steven. She’s just so lost. Everything she had done to him... done for absolutely nothing.

“But... why so long? Why did she command me to s-stay?” she starts tearing up. “S-Six... thousand years.”

“Like you said, Spinel— Homeworld was no place for entertainment and pleasure anymore. Do you really think that any gem in that society would take the time to stroll along a garden and smell the flowers?”

He’s... he’s right. Everything he’s telling her... is right.

Spinel covers her face, sobbing. She’s trembling, and an absolute blubbering mess. So, so different from the person she was just five minutes ago. 

Pink... really was her best friend.

“Pink Diamond saved your life. She protected you, Spinel.

_Just like a mother would._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I REDEEMED PINK DIAMOND LMFAAOOOOO. rebecca hire me
> 
> let me know ur thoughts below  
> once again spinel sees pink diamond as a mother figure, but that does not mean she and steven are brother and sister. just a simile. :3
> 
> also i reached 40k words yay :] i think there will be like 10-12 chapters left (edit: this is so wrong lol)


	23. Irreconcilable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel describes his mother to Steven.
> 
> [TW: mention and description of Suicide.]

Everything had changed. 

Spinel and Steven had just pieced it all together— and they both came to the realization that Pink Diamond didn’t abandon Spinel after all. Instead, she saved her from being killed at the hands of the Diamonds and the Homeworld gems for her gems’ weaknesses. 

Steven and Spinel were kneeling in front of eachother on the battlefield floor, their chests pressed against eachothers. Spinel is sobbing— no, wailing, against his chest. She’s weeping loudly, and Steven has her in an— admittedly awkward— embrace, trying to comfort her as she realizes her entire life has changed. 

She feels like she just lost a part of herself. Spinel is grieving. 

Steven rubs the back of her head, and she’s just been sobbing for an hour, overwhelmed with denial, discomfort, sadness, anger, grief— and finally, joy. She’s crying tears of joy, even if neither of them can see it.

All of her hatred and anger for Steven... has vanished. They don’t have to fight anymore— they can just love eachother, and officially begin again. That is just so beautiful. 

As Steven’s sitting kneeled on the floor, he gently brings Spinel to lie sprawled across his lap. She buries her face in his chest, hiccuping and panting after crying so, so much. He’s cradling her, with one hand under her legs and another behind her back, like a pietà, slowly rocking her back and forth. She’s whimpering— she doesn’t deserve to be touched like this. She doesn’t deserve his affection for all she’s done to him. 

Steven removes one of her gloves and holds her hand as they rock, rubbing her thumb back and forth. Neither of them can believe the revelation. Now they have to live with the fact that it’s likely true— and that Spinel had wasted those two years of her life unleashing her fury and pain onto Steven. But it’s finally over now. 

Spinel then leads one side of her heads on his shoulder and clasps his hands, looking crestfallen. She’s finally calmed down, and her breaths have slowed down— she’s still choking on her tears a bit, but she’s okay now. If her tear-stained cheeks weren’t stained enough, they certainly were now— her dark circles intensified, and she’s so, so exhausted from screaming and fighting all day. 

She gradually flutters her eyes closed, his rocking having fully relaxing her, and she falls asleep. Steven just watches her take a little nap. 

_She’s... like a baby,_ he chuckles. Their relationship has transcended all other kinds of relations— somehow, she’s like an amalgam of a sister, a daughter, a friend, an enemy, a lover, a girlfriend and... God, he loves her so, so much. Steven can’t believe how much she’s grown on him. He plants a kiss on her forehead, gentle enough that it doesn’t wake her. 

_ You’re gonna be okay, Spinel.  _

Steven himself feels himself get a bit tired, so he leans on her head and falls asleep as well. 

A couple hours have passed, and Steven starts to wake up, slowly but excrutiatingly opening his eyes. Spinel is nowhere in sight, and he can’t help but feel a cold, blunt object against his back. He starts to stand up, but he struggles to even move, and looks down at his chest.

He’s tied up to a marble column with rope, seated on the floor.

What?!

He starts to panic. Where the hell is Spinel? Did she do this?! 

“Helloooooooo, Stevie!” she grins devilishy, clasping her gloved hands together. Her scars seem deeper, her expression scarier, her hair spikier— oh, did she reset again?! After all his hard work? Come on! 

Steven starts panicking, but he takes a deep breath to figure this out. 

He realizes that it’s probably a side effect of the healing tears wearing off on her. He didn’t know how much of Rose’s lacrimal essence Pearl poured into the bottle, but it probably wasn’t much considering it meant to was to be used for life-threatening situations— and Pearl wasn’t petty enough to waste it all to get Steven to break up with a girl she didn’t like.

Or was she. 

He moans, waking himself up after the nap, furrowing his brows. How long was he asleep? Why hasn’t Pearl come for him? He starts to tense up, but then he remembers how weakened and tired she looked after that fight— she must have fallen asleep waiting for him. 

Spinel bends her knees down on the floor, squatting, looking right at him, observing his tired face. 

Hmm.

She slaps him. 

_ Ah, that stings.  _ He faces to the side, one eye closed in pain. 

Steven then looks at her in discomfort. 

She seems mad, but then her face suddenly perks up. Did he see that right?

“You know... you have really, really cute eyebrows,” she says as she gets distracted.

What? 

“They’re like... little fuzzy black caterpillars,” she giggles— a bit out of character for Spade, who just hit him.

It seems she’s somewhere in between Spade and Heart right now... for some reasons their personalities failed to fuse into one. He puts her hands up to his face to rub them, and he grunts in annoyance, knowing he has to deal with two girls now. 

She stops, and shuts her eyes to kiss him on the lips. It surprises him a bit, but he then inserts his tongue down her mouth, enjoying the taste of her.

Regardless of how evil Spinel is, her kisses will always be sweet— akin to artificial strawberry candy. 

There’s a slight smacking noise as they part, and she just sits there observing him. She admires his freckles, his eyelashes, his gorgeous brown eyes... She rubs his fluffy, disheveled hair, formed appropriately after his nap. 

Why... did she even tie him up if she was just gonna stare at him? Better yet— where did she get that rope? He never gave that to her. He thinks back to the past couple of weeks, and—

_Cheeseburger backpack._ She must have warped to the greenhouse above the temple and gotten it from the bag, and then warped to the arena. It had all sorts of survival supplies appropriate for his monster-hunting missions. It seems she was gonna tie him up from the start, at least when she was still mad at him for thinking he was trying to reset her again. 

Steven can still move his hands though, as the rope is wrapped around his chest. She notices him stretching his fingers, and quickly clasps both of them. 

This is all so weird. Why is she doing this? 

He can’t help but notice... very aggressive scratches on her face. Pearl never touched or injured her face like that when they fought. He didn’t touch her face at all, in fact. What happened?

“Are you okay?” asks Steven, confused by her scars. 

“Hm? Oh.” 

She shyly cups her cheek and starts touching her scars. “Ah—” 

That hurts. 

“Who did that to you?” he asks with determination. He’s not afraid to hurt anyone who hurts Spinel. 

“Spinel,” she says, unfazed by her strange response. “It was Spinel.”

What? “But... you’re Spinel,” he asks in bewilderment, tilting his head. 

“I know,” she answers his question quickly and nonchalantly. 

Okaaay, this was getting weird. What the hell is going here? 

“She was just so... mad all of a sudden. She was so angry at you, and at me, for some reason.” Why would she be angry at him? He thought that after they figured out Pink never intended to abandon her that everything had been resolved.

In fact, he just realized that Spinel never reverted to her final form, Clover, like he anticipated. He thought that after all of this that she’d revert back to normal— this was a pretty big and important memory in her life being dramatically unraveled, after all. 

But maybe her changing personalities are stronger, and she’s struggling to keep herself together as they dominate the other.

Speaking of Spinel, which iteration of her was this anyway? Is this Heart, Spade, Clover...? Maybe she has a new one— could it be Diamond? He shakes his head in confusion. 

I mean, she tied him up and slapped him like Spade would, and then she kissed and held his hands like Heart would. If she was back to normal, why would she be fighting with herself like this? She should just be Spinel now.

She looks down as she caresses his hands. “She was upset because everythin’ she had ever felt in the past six thousand years was erased,” she confesses. “Poof!” Oh. 

“She put so much energy into hatin’ you, your mom, and your friends, plannin’ to the Earth for hours, only for all of that to be a complete waste. She didn’t know what else to put her rage into like she usually would, so she just went dormant for a bit and then I came through. But she didn’t leave without puttin’ up with a fight, haha,” she says anxiously as she grips his hand tighter, thinking back at the horrible and violent memory of her scratching herself.

Does... Spinel have dissociative identity disorder?

Oh, his poor baby Spinel. She just goes through so much. 

“She’s the one who tied you up like this,” she admits. “I begged Spinel not to do that to you, especially because you’re so kind an’ compassionate towards us, but she wouldn’t listen.”

He’s starting to finally understand. It seems that this had just been recently developing— her mind reacting irreconciably to the healing tears. 

_Irreconcilable_. That was the perfect word to describe Spinel— her two selves are so different from eachother they just can’t be compatible. It seems she’s struggling to combine them now. She used to glow everytime she transformed, but now they’re a part of her so neither of them can tell who’s in control. 

“She was sobbing so, so much,” she adds. 

“Who?” asks Steven. 

“Spinel,” she replies, looking down. 

“Oh. You mean the cute one?”

“Y-Yeah. I call her Heart, and the mean one Spade, and m-me Clover— l-like the playing cards we played together.”

Okay, this was insane. 

“That’s my favorite game,” she cracks a slight smile. 

That’s his favorite too. They were more similar than he thought. Than he ever imagined, really. 

“You’re the diamond, of course,” she chuckles softly. “My diamond.”

“Spinel...” he rubs her hands, feeling guilty. “I’m not... the person you think I am. I’m not your ruler, or your creator, or your owner... you don’t owe me anything. I’m just Steven, your boyfriend.”

Spinel’s face flushes pink. “M-my boyfriend?” They had never actually solidified that. 

“Yeah,” he replies. 

“Y-You still like me? Even though I’m off-color now?” referring to her new psychiatric condition. 

“Of course I do, Spinel. I know that I said that you have the ability to change... and I’m so, so, proud of how far you’ve come, but I didn’t expect that you’d change this much. It must be so exhausting, isn’t it?” he sympathizes with her. “Mm-hm,” she nods weakly. 

“But since you’re in control... why can’t you untie me?” he asks. 

Spinel starts wimpering, tearing up and holding his hands tighter. “Sh-She said she was g-gonna hurt me if I did that.”

“Oh... Can’t you try anyway? I’ll protect you with my life, Spinel, I swear. She can’t hurt you.” 

“N-No! No, please. You don’t know her like I do. She’s so, so violent. It’s taken me forever to get rid a her, b-but now she’s back and I don’t know how to make her go away!” she raises her voice, panicky. Spinel’s so scared of herself. 

She’s referring to her intrusive thoughts, the same ones he has. She said she doesn’t “get ‘em anymoar” but it seems they’re back. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Spinel,” he looks up at her. 

“She plotted ta kill you, after watching your message to Homeworld on the screen. Heart told her not to— she said you were super super cute, and that she should give you a chance— she really wanted to play with you and your friends. But Spade was just still so, so mad at mom, and so jealous of her other friends, she didn’t let her.”

“Mom? You mean Pink?”

“Y-Yeah, sorry. She’s your mom, not mine. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, I-I understand,” he chuckles. He can’t help but find that so endearing and... kinda sad. Spinel really just wants a family, but instead she just has two other sisters competing with her inside her brain.

“I’ll be your family, okay Spinel?” he assures her.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, Steven.”

They’re both so awkward. 

Spinel fiddles with his hands, and he notices how slow time is going. “If you’re too scared to untie me, what are we gonna do now?”

“I don’t know. I really, really don’t want to risk it. She.. she—“ she starts gasp— “threated to s-shatter m-me,” her voice shakes and she suddenly starts sobbing uncontrollably, trembling at Steven’s hands. Oh, no. 

Spinel pointed and gazed at the column next to him. “S-She said she was g-gonna slam our chest against the m-marble and try to sh-sh-shatter us.”

Oh my god. 

“She said she wasn’t gonna hesitate— she didn’t care if she died along with me. She said we we were all going down if I started actin’ up. She s-said she’ll smash our gem repeatedly, crackin’ me to pieces, until we’re all killed. And then she’d laugh at me.”

This is so fucked up. And he was asleep the whole time this was happening? Spinel’s right... she can’t untie him. 

They can’t risk Spade hurting her. Or Spinel hurting herself, actually. Even though Steven can heal her, he can’t risk her completely shattering herself to the point he can’t piece her together again. And then again, even if she’s healed, it doesn’t mean she’ll actually be healed. Spinels seem pretty delicate, anyway— considering they’re one of the weakest gems in gem society. 

But she was strong, he thought. Strong in the real way, even. Stronger than he was, and he’s the Diamond. She’s suffered and endured so much, and has overcome so many obstacles...

I guess they have no choice but to stay like this. It seems they’ll have to wait for Pearl and the gems to come save them the next morning for backup. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be much help. I just think this is the best and safest course of action for both of us— maybe she’ll stay dormant for a bit now that nothing’s happening. Let’s just wait a couple of hours until it’s daytime and we can see better, now that the sun is setting.” 

Steven nods. That sounds like a good idea. She’s so smart... he admires so much her, he thinks, and sighs dreamily. She seems... normal now. She’s neither Spade or Heart at this moment, she’s just a normal girl. He also noticed she just lost her accent, meaning Spade isn’t anywhere near her. Thank God.

Spinel lets out a slight gasp. 

“O-Oh. I forgot to give you this. She pulls out a rose from behind her back and hovers it over his lap so he can see. “After Spade had gone to sleep, I went for a walk around the arena to get away from you, s-so she doesn’t try to hurt you. Even though this is a marble arena, I managed to find this. A rose, since they’re your favorite.”

Steven smiles, but he can’t exactly reach to hold it. She chuckles anxiously. “I-I just wanted to show you it, hehe... I’ll hold onto it for you,” she says as she puts it into her gem.

They just sit there awkwardly now, Spinel shuffling in front of him. She seems to want to say something, as she’s mumbling under her breath.

“...Can I kiss you?” she asks, too flustered to directly face him. Steven looks at her and nods. Then she sweetly dips into him, cupping his cheeks. 

He really wishes he could caress her, her hug her, or hold her, or something,telling her everything’s gonna be okay, but he guesses he just has to stay stuck here, his arms tied down. 

She lets go and looks a bit sad to see him like this. She wishes she could help, but all she can do is crack an awkward smile to try and lift Steven up.

Like Rose did. Rose always had sad eyes, even if she was smiling. 

“ What was she like?”

Spinel looks up at him. “Hm?” 

“Pink Diamond,” he looks to the side, ashamed. “I... don’t actually know much about her. Pearl doesn’t really like to talk about her, and nobody else knew her... I dream her memories, but very rarely, and that’s about it.”

Spinel pauses. Even though she knows now that Pink wasn’t bad, she still felt that these traumatic and falsified memories she created of her dominated her thoughts. But she knew how important she was to Steven.

“Well... she had the loveliest, most romantic laugh,— k-kinda like yours. It started out very elegant and sophisticated, of course, fit for a Diamond, but when I’d really make her laugh it’d get really hammy and boyish, and it was always so funny to me, cause it was so out of character haha! She’d somehow laugh at my cheesy jokes and my silly puns, even if they were stupid.“

This is so interesting to Steven— he watches her ramble. 

“She loved to gossip, and when she was bored, she’d start and spread rumors about the other elites just to entertain herself— and me— and we’d watch all the drama and the chaos unfold within the palace. And of course, her hair resembles a rose, like yours. She’d always let me caress it.” He really can’t believe this. Was he that similar to her? 

“She was very feminine— sorta like you—“ he blushes, “and walked daintily wherever she went. She always wore the finest jewelry, regularly painted her nails, and loved wearing makeup. She’d sometimes do mine too, for practice. She was like a princess! And everyone loved her, our beautiful princess... She always threw balls for the elites, and the other Spinels and I would volunteer as acrobats for them. She was always amazed by my flexibility, and admired that about me. She just... always looked up to and complimented others, even if they were technically below her.”

”We also had the garden... Pink Diamond loved gardening and admiring nature. She loved going on daily walks with her fancy parasol... Our little garden was our safe space— not only was it a place to play hide and seek, but it was also a place for her to cry. She’d water the roses with her tears. But she’d also make me flower crowns, and I’d always stick flowers in her hair. We’d collect petals and showered them all over the floor,” she smiles.

Steven is in awe. 

“Ah, she also loved doodling— but the Diamonds would always take her art away from her, tellin’ her it was a distraction and a waste of time. But that was the only way she relieved stress, so she started getting anxiety and I’d always squeeze her ta calm her down.” 

“Nevertheless, she didn’t let them weigh her down— she was just... so in tune with her childlike personality, she really wasn’t ashamed of it! But she was so comfortable with it, unfortunately she’d... throw so many violent tantrums. She’d explode when she didn’t get what she wanted, and the Diamonds usually had ta lock her up in a tower for days as a punishment. After all— she was supposed to be the mascot, the face a the group— and they weren’t gonna let her ruin their image. I feel that they may have hit her while she was trapped in there. I remember her getting panic attacks about it, but she never went into any details.” 

“B-But then she started to change. She’d sneak outta the palace all the time, and shapeshift into different kinds of Gems to experience the outside world. After that, she’d try to experiment with new, bold styles, but the Diamonds wouldn’t allow it and always forced her to change back. She had to present herself as the lovely princess who was revered by the public eye. She could never express herself how she wanted to or have a say in anything she did. In fact, even though she organized the balls, it was really just the Diamonds telling her what to do. Oh— one time, she actually never showed up to one of the balls in rebellion, and the Diamonds were furious!” 

Uh oh. 

“They had found out she had been sneakin’ out, too. And after breaking so many rules, they locked her away for months. Nobody ever saw her, not even me, and the Diamonds would always make excuses for her, assuring their subjects that Pink was okay. That she was... trainin’, or studyin’, or whatever.”

Wow... Spinel practically witnessed Pink grow from a child, to a teenager, to a young adult. Even though gems didn’t age, and he couldn’t picture his mother, the epitome of maturity, beauty, selflessness, and grace, as a bratty child, a spoiled pre-teen, and a rebellious teenager, she was quite similar to a normal human girl. Growing up, Steven thought she was always perfect— someone he had to strive to be like to please his family. After all, he was meant to follow her footsteps as the leader of the Crystal Gems. But after understanding her flaws after living under her shadow all his life, he can’t help but finally feel relieved he doesn’t have to do that anymore.

When Rose Quartz stepped foot on the Earth, she adored humans, and wished to be like them— but maybe... maybe she was actually one all along. After all, what does it _really_ mean to be human?

“That’s when things got worse, and we began driftin’ apart... She wouldn’t laugh at my jokes anymore and would get bored when I’d show her my new stunts. She’d sleep for hours a day— even though she didn’t need sleep, she slept a lot anyway because she was just so alone and unamused, it was just a way for her ta pass the time. She just... seemed really depressed— she’d cry herself ta sleep every night, and I’d try ta comfort her, but I never succeeded in making her happy...” Spinel sighs. 

“I think she outgrew me,” she added. _Like an imaginary friend_ , Steven realizes. 

“Her health took a toll on her, even before my arrival—that’s when she started demanding a colony, in attempts to change her life around and regain the Diamonds’ respect, but the Diamonds refused. She’d turn more violent, and that’s when she broke her Pearl, and that Pearl was replaced ta avoid a scandal. The Diamonds were hush-hush about it, but even if I came centuries later, I knew. But that horrible accident actually benefited her— I think that they liked that Pink hurt her Pearl like that— she was always so passive, they thought they were finally pushin’ her to become a real dictator. When they saw that potential, that’s when she finally earned the colony. And the rest is history.”

Spinel finally exhales after talking so much. Steven stares at her with his mouth gaped, starry eyed. Wow... she knew so much about his mom. This whole time. He just stared at Spinel, a little too long, in fact... just admiring her, recalling how amazing and special she is. He came to the realization that, because of his similarities to his mother, that they’ve likely known each other six thousand years.

Or so he likes to think.

Nevertheless, they were surely destined for each other.

“Hm?” says Spinel, looking at him.

Steven really, really wants to thank her for all of this.

“Spinel, show me your cheek.”

She hesitates, but leans her cheek to his face. He licks his lips and kisses it— her scars start glittering, and gradually start to heal. Spinel cups her face and looks at him in shock. 

“T-Thank you, Steven,” he smiles, and Steven tries to play it cool, but she nears him and nuzzles him in the nose, making him gush, and quickly pecks his lips. Satisifed, she leans against his chest and hikes her legs and body over him, laying on his lap like before. She closes her eyes, satisifed, and she falls asleep.

Steven watches the sun finally set. He sighs and finally sleeps too, with Spinel affectionately nuzzling and breathing into him. 

He wasn’t ready for tomorrow.


	24. Isn’t That Lovely?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven waits for Spade’s return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short fluffy chapter to warm myself up for whats to come!! as always thanks for any future comments :)

A couple of hours had passed since Steven and Spinel fell asleep against the column together. 

However, as Steven felt the weight of her on his chest disappear—he fluttered his eyes open in panic, scanning the arena for any sign of Spinel. Suddenly, Steven’s vision goes dark and he feels hands over his face. “Hey!” he shouts aggressively, prepared for any violent encounter. 

Steven hears little giggles next to him, and Spinel lets go, cartwheeling to the front of his body against the column. “Surprise! Heheheh,” she smiles and then sticks her tongue out. 

Oh, thank goodness. It’s just Heart— with her feminine voice and all, and her light footsteps. 

It seems that Heart, Spinel’s nice altar, was out and about now, eager to play with Steven. She even pulled her hair up into buns, albeit sloppily, to identify herself and distinguish herself from her other selves.

“Oh, hey, Spinel,” he says drowsily after just waking up. Steven yawns.

“Hey, daddy-o!” she winks and does a little peace sign at him. 

“How long was I asleep?” he mumbles. 

“Not long, to be honest! It’s nearly sunrise, but we didn’t sleep the whole night. I’m sorry for waking you up, I just couldn’t help myself— I got so excited to play with you, I had to come out!” she grinned. 

She looks down at him in confusion, bringing a hand to her chin. 

“Why are you tied up like that?” she asks, pointing at the rope around him, innocently unaware of her other horrible self’s actions. 

Wow. She really did have Dissociative Identity Disorder, didn’t she. It seems that she blacks out every time she switches and forgets what she did as her alter every time.

“Oh, uh... just another game I was playing with Spinel, don’t worry about it!” he laughs awkwardly. He really didn’t want to freak her out or scare her. 

“Oh! Well, that’s good! I wish that I could’ve played too, but that’s okay.” She shyly taps her fingers together. “But... that means we can’t hug!” she says sadly. “Or play tag.”

Oh, this just breaks his heart. “Here, let me untie you, silly!” she bends down to untie him, but Steven panics.

“No, no!” he shouts, remembering the fatal consequences if Spinel does that. “No, it’s okay, Spinel— don’t worry about it. I’m good!” he chuckles anxiously as he lies to her.

“Oh... okay!” she says, unquestionably. “Sorry.” Spinel then flops down on the floor in front of him. 

“Were you okay back there, Spinel? Your other alter told me you were crying.”

“Oh,” she tenses up at the memory. She speaks so delicately now.

“I’m... okay now. I was just sad because Pearl tried to reset me and lied to us. Even though I love bein’ myself and making you smile, I couldn’t help but feel bad for haltin’ all the progress Spinel made these two years.” Steven nods in agreement. “I just think it was time I retired... Spinel doesn’t n-need me anymore,” she admits with solemn.

“No, no! That’s not true, Spinel. Please don’t be so hard on yourself— after all, you live within Spinel too!”

“I do?” she looks up at him.

“Y-Yeah, of course! Sometimes Spinel giggles a lot like you again, or gets super cuddly and affectionate with me, or cracks a silly joke. You’re a part of her now! You never completely went away.” 

“Really?”

“Really,” he confirms. 

Spinel gasps in a childlike way, bringing her gloved hands to her cheeks.

She suddenly bounces up and cheers, doing cartwheels around the arena. “Yay! That makes me like, so super happy! I’m so so so glad we’re still best friends— even if I’m away!” she says with a big, bright smile, squinting with pure joy. 

Steven chuckles as he watches her play with herself. She’s so adorable and carefree, she can’t help but remind him of his old playful, naive self. 

Another thing Spinel and him have in common, he realized. Outgrowing their childish personas. They really were one and the same, weren’t they. And Pink Diamond was like this at one point too. 

They’ve both changed so much. 

Spinel gets fatigued from jumping so much, and pants. It seems she finally tired herself out. She skips back to Steven and sits in front of him, smiling at him.

Steven can’t help but feel a bit awkward after a minute has passed. Um... hello?

She just stares at him, so happy to see him. “Uh, Spinel, why are you staring at me like that?”

“Oh, I just wanted to get one last good look at you before I go,” she says, unfazed by her ominous response. 

“Huh? Y-You’re leaving?”

“Yup! Spinel’s going to come out soon. And usually, when she’s fronting, I have to hide, and I have to wait for Spinel to come out so I can feel safe.”

Oh, so she’s saying Spade’s gonna switch in soon, forcing Heart out, making her wait a while for Clover to front next so she can come out safely. Makes sense.

Steven gulps. “How... do you know that?”

“Oh, Spinel’s screamin’ at me right now,” she twitches. “She’s tellin’ me to hit you, b-but I don’t want to. She’s like, so silly!” she waves her hand up and down, shrugging off her discomfort. 

God, this was so crazy. Poor Spinel. 

“Her voice is getting louder and louder, while Clover’s is muffling out, meaning Spade’s gonna front very soon. So be careful, okay?” she reaches out to hold both his hands. 

Steven nods. He has to be prepared more than ever now. 

Spinel leans closer to him to give him a loving kiss on the cheek, lightly shoving his face up. Steven blushes. He forgot how much he enjoyed being with Heart... she’s such a doll. He clasps her tiny hands tighter. 

Spinel parts. “You know, the other two may not agree, but I’m okay with you choosin’ Connie over us.”

Huh?

“Y-You are?” this surprises him a bit, considering he thought this iteration of Spinel was the clingiest and most hopelessly romantic one. 

“Mhm!” she squeaks, smiling weakly. “I know how important your life on Earth is for you. What matters to me is that you’re happy. After all, that’s what I was made for!” 

It seems that Heart was maturer than he thought. He really underestimated her. 

“T-Thank you, Spinel. I really appreciate that,” he concludes. Honestly, what a relief to have one-third of the pressure off of him now.

Steven observes Spinel for a moment, and can’t help but get a bit flustered at the sight of her. She’s so feminine and frail— so submissive— and so different from Connie, who’s meant to be Steven’s daring Knight. Connie is never in touch with her femininity like this; she doesn’t even like to wear dresses anymore. As someone who’s always played the feminine role in their relationship, he’s really refreshed and relieved at the sight of Spinel and the possibilities of their relationship. 

Steven admits he liked Connie to be stronger than him sometimes, yet...  why is it Spinel who always makes him so weak in the knees? He really just can’t get enough of her— he wants to protect her, hold her, play with her... He’s supposed to dominate her, play the masculine role— but one kiss from her and he melts like a fool at her touch, totally submitting to her affections. 

He can’t even look at her sometimes, knowing how his other self sees her. He wants to take advantage of her, steal her innocence— and Steven can’t help but want to play along. They’ve never actually been in bed together, he thought. He needed to change that.

On another note, he... honestly can’t wait to see her cry, that way he can be the one to make it all better. And despite all of Spade’s wrongdoings, Heart somehow makes all those problems go away.

He shakes his head after realizing he spaced out and changes the subject. How did the Diamonds let her get away undetected, anyway? 

“Spinel... did you enjoy being with the Diamonds? Why did you decide to flee Homeworld?”

“Oh...” she blushes and averts her gaze, realizing they’ve all been caught in their lie. 

“Well, um, to be honest, we were just tired of living in your mother’s shadow... The Diamonds would always compare me to her— they’d even nitpick the way I walked and talked just to try to make me as similar as possible to Pink— so I could fill the void she left behind.”

Oh, that’s messed up. 

“Mhm! And, and then they’d always talk about y-you, too, and how amazing you were. How compassionate and patient you were, how powerful and strong you had become, and how you saved the galaxy!” she grins. “I couldn’t help but admire that, and want to learn more about you,” she confesses.

”After all, who were we kiddin’?” she chuckles awkwardly. “Thinkin’ we could replace someone as special as you.”

He had no idea.  Steven rubs her hands in appreciation, trying to cheer her up— Spinel’s heart races, and she squeals. 

“Steven, I missed you, so so so so so much!” she suddenly leans closer and nuzzles her cheek against his, getting more and more aggressive as she goes against him in circles. Steven chuckles, and he holds her waist in support. “I just really really like you! ” she says with any airy gasp, sending chills through his body. “You like me too, right?” she opens her doe-eyes right in front of him.

“O-Of course, Spinel—“ he says between chuckles, as his face is being smothered with kisses now. She presses her breasts onto his chest and he clears his throat. _Spinel..._

“You’re just perfect to me! So athletic and strong...” she rambles as she then sits on his lap horizontally, her legs hovering over the arena floor. This initially surprises Steven, still not used to Heart’s sudden affections. “Ever since I laid eyes on you, it was impossible to ignore you,” she clings onto his arm.

“You’re so cute, and so handsome!” she brings a hand to her cheek. Steven gets flustered. He was? He was always used to being the regular old chubby kid growing up, devoid of any outstanding physical attributes. 

“I love your hair, it’s— it’s soft like a swathe of roses! And, and, I love your chocolatey brown eyes— like, I love love love chocolate!” she squeaks as she wraps around him, flirtatiously moving her legs up and down. “And of course, I love how squishy and soft you are, heehee!” 

Spinel then buries her face in his neck, sending him multiple kisses. Steven shifts his neck up, flustered by her touch. “S-Spinel, t-that’s so sweet, mm,” he says as he bites his lip and shuts an eye. 

“You make me so happy,” she sensually mutters— making Steven burst— as she flutters her eyes closed. Oh, he’s got it bad for her, alright. He could eat her right up.

How is it that he gets so weak at the hands of such a cute and silly girl? He pants as he gets hot at the sight of her on top of him— unabashedly pressing herself onto him like this with no sense of personal space.

Spinel keeps suckling at his skin, and Steven squirms a bit in his place. He sighs as she trails up his face. She cups his cheeks and kisses him on the lips repeatedly, showering him with her cupid love. Steven gives in.

They make out for some time, very slowly and smoothly, exploring each other’s tongues— Spinel making the cutest little high-pitched moans under her breath. Steven rubs her thighs with his hand, trying to make her moan louder.

Steven leans over her— dipping into her. She submits, allowing Steven to dominate her tongue. Once again, he can’t resist her strawberry candy taste— so dainty and frail under him, who’s grown so much. 

She suddenly whimpers as he accidentally bites her lip, — _ah!_ — and he starts to choke up at the sound of that. His face goes completely red and he starts to sweat. 

_Oh my God_ , he really can’t control himself when he’s near her, can he. She’s just— so cute. He wants to reward her— unclothe her, please her, make her happy—

And then they part, staring directly at each other— caught in the moment— she adorably giggles, and leans closer to rub her cheek against his chest, purring. Blissfully unaware of Steven’s perverse thoughts about her.

She leans on him for some time, sprawled across his lap, as she quietly fiddles with his shirt. She hums a familiar tune, relaxing the two of them.

“Steven...” Spinel breaks the silence. _Hm?_ “I waited for you for six thousand years,” she mumbles. “Waiting so desperately for your mother to come back.”

He winces at the thought. He can’t believe his mother could leave such a cute girl like her behind. 

“Only to see your handsome face on that screen. Only to realize that I was waiting for you all along!” she breathes under his neck, holding his hand. “Her beautiful son, my Prince Charming!” she sighs romantically.

Prince Charming?

“You saved me from the garden— you’re the reason I could find it in me to finally leave after all that time...

Isn’t that lovely?” she looks up at him, blushing as she admits all of this to herself. Steven senses shockwaves through his body— oh, she’s just too much for him. 

_ Please, please let me treat you. I can be your Prince Charming. _

In regards to her new nickname for him, he hadn’t thought of it that way. Steven really did free her from his mother’s spell— she was like a Sleeping Beauty surrounded in rose thorns in a desolate garden, finally awakened from her six-thousand year slumber... except she never actually fell asleep.

Spade had responded to his message to the universe with anger and betrayal, set to kill him— but Heart instantly fell in love with him.

Does that mean since their first encounter Spinel had a crush on him? 

That changes everything.

Steven leans in to kiss her forehead, and she melts into him. Spinel giggles into her smile, raising the pitch of her voice, eager for more, but she suddenly grows uncomfortable. 

“Ugh...” Spinel groans, and gets a migraine. She shuts her eyes at the stinging pain.  “Ah, mm,” she mumbles as she clumsily seperates herself from him, dissociating.

“Are you okay, Spinel? What happened?” he says as she starts blinking rapidly, trying to shake off the strange feeling, trying to come back to her senses. She rubs her head. 

“I’m— I’m okay, I think, my head just really, really— ah— hurts!” she abruptly stands up, walking forward, but weakly trips back to the floor in front of him. He gasps and tries to reach her, but he can’t tied up like this. “Wh—wha...?” she looks at her hand, her vision flickering on and off.

”Spinel? What’s wrong?” his voice cracks with confusion. 

“Mmnnn...mngrgh, ah.”

Spinel groans turn into sobs, with her moaning in uncontrollable pain. Steven can’t stand to see her suffering like this— he doesn’t understand why this is happening to her!

Spinel cowers to the floor, harshly covering her ears. “Leave me alone! Please, please!” she cries, as the voices get louder. She curls herself up into a ball, trembling. 

“Spinel? Spinel!” Steven shouts, trying to snap her out of it. She’s whimpering.

Silence.

Spinel lies still for a bit on the ground, but she finally composes herself.

She lifts her head up, exposing her back to Steven. Her hair is disheveled again, far from her cutesy heartpuffs, and she swiftly wipes her tears off her face. 

Spinel abruptly turns around to face him and growls at him aggressively. 

_ Spade.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can tell, i really like writing for heart and steven. even though we haven’t seen much of steven/spade, steven/heart is definitely my otp. xD 
> 
> steven just melts at the sight of her— she’s so small and cute. so different from connie, who’s so tall and mature and strong at this point. connie’s nowhere near as feminine as heart, and this is so refreshing to steven because even though hes the man in the relationship he feels like the feminine one. steven can’t help but want to feel in control this time. due to his intrusive thoughts, he has extremely perverted thoughts about heart, wishing to steal her innocence and to dominate her... and i cant WAIT to explore that in a future chapter. >:3 
> 
> spade chapter next. enjoy!


	25. Nobodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spade reunites with Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> syndrome voice: WHEN EVERYONE’S SUPER— NO ONE WILL BE!
> 
> also— 60K WORDS!! ^^ ✨

Once again, Steven and Spinel find themselves at the sky arena— but this time, Spinel has taken another form... one Steven can’t ignore. 

Steven currently has his eyes shut— he really, really doesn’t wanna open them right now. _Please, please be a dream._

“Steeeevennnnnnnnn...” says the voice, playfully. 

Oh, no.

“Steven Univeeeeeerse,” she says softly, in a sing-songy voice. It sounds deceptively kind, but Steven knows better. She gets closer.

Spinel finally kneels down and faces him. Steven hesitantly shutters his eye open— scared for what’s to come.

_ Please.  _

Spinel doesn’t hesitate, and raises her hand in the air, slapping Steven in the face as hard as she possibly can— so hard, his face shifts to the side and his cheek is totally red. 

“ _YOU. DON’T. GET TA’ PLAY WITH HER_ ,” yells Spinel right in front of his face, making him groan in even more pain as his ears falter.

Ouch.

“Isn’t that lovely?” she says in a high-pitched voice, mocking Heart between gritted teeth. 

“Oh, that’s good. That’s _real_ good, huh. I-I can see right through her stupid lil’ act— _Oh, Steven_!” she says sweetly as she flutters her eyelashes innocently. 

Spinel suddenly stands up, startling Steven. “My Prince _CHARMING_ — PFFFFFF—” she concludes, bursting out laughing. She bends her back down, looking hysterical. 

Spinel finally finishes, wiping a tear off her face. “Oh, what a fucking fool. She just knows her sweetness will melt your little heart, she _knows_ what you like and what you’re into. She loves the attention from you, knowin’ it’ll piss me off.”

Huh? Was... Heart pretending this whole time? That can’t be true.

I mean, Heart did act that way in front of Pink for decades, so maybe it was possible. He shakes his head, brushing it off. 

“She’s just— so _INFURIATING_.” Spinel candidly raises her arms up. “Pretendin’ to be all dumb and clueless for ya— WHEN WE HAVE THE SAME FUCKING IQ,” she yells, pulling her pigtails in frustration. 

Spinel takes a deep breath and exhales, calming herself down between closed eyes. 

“Okay, okay. I’m good now. I always have to put her in line, so she knows her fuckin’ place. I _told_ her not to get near you— _I warned her_ — but she just couldn’t resist, could she! She just _had_ to come out and ‘play’ with you.”

She rolls her eyes at the sound of the word ‘play.’ She’s fucking sick of it.

Spinel grins as she comes to a realization. “Clover was the appetizer, Heart wuz the main course, and I’m the dessert! The best a the best,” she brings her hands to her cheek flirtatiously. 

Spinel looks down at him, and chuckles. “Pfff— oh, this is a real treat. Seein’ the great an’ powerful Steven Universe tied like this to a pole, like a weaklin’. You liked being handled by the others, didn’t cha? Them feelin’ you up like that? Explorin’ every lil’ inch a ya.”

Steven gulps and avoids her gaze. Maaaaybe. 

“Well, don’t worry. ‘Cuz we’re gonna have our own fun now, Universe,” she brings her hands to her hips, staring at him.

“The other two? They’re just a buncha  _ nobodies,” _she concludes. “They can’t live without cha, so dependant on their amazin’ hero. Fuckin’ desperate losers.”

“ _Well I’m not._ ” She swings her leg back and kicks him in the gut, forcing Steven to shift his knees up to his stomach in pain. He groans. “Eugh...”

“That’s what you get for kissin’ Spinel. You have no shame, do you? No self control. You see a weak, submissive girl and can’t help but eat her all up, use her, _abuse_ her, ta feel better about yourself. Some might say I’m sabotaging your relationship with her, but in actuality I’m savin’ her! Savin’ her from a freak like you, like the good big sista I am.”

Steven closes his eyes, panting in discomfort. That... really, really freaking stings. 

“Aww, did that hurt?” she says sarcastically. She abruptly drops her knees to the floor, and punches Steven sharply in the jaw, forcing a yelp out of him. 

“Ah... ah...” he pants, his chin against his neck— but he hasn’t given up yet, staring directly at her with determination.

“You’re not so easy to crack now, are you, Steven?” she says playfully, staring at him. She slaps him one last time, a stinging sensation rushing over him, and his face is bruised. 

Spinel grabs him by the collar and pulls him closer to her face— “You are never, EVER, going to look at her that way again, ya hear me? I can tell how you see her—“ she pushes him against the column, slamming his head. “Disgusting.” 

Steven once again groans in pain and drops his head down in defeat. He can’t stand this anymore. She got him. 

Steven looks up as he feels a bit lightheaded, and feels liquid pouring out of his nose— he looks down to his clothes, only to see them stained with drops of blood. 

“Hm? Oh, silly me.” Spinel reaches closer and wipes the blood off of him with her thumb, making him shiver in discomfort at her touch. He makes eye contact with her as she slyly puts her thumb inside her mouth— pop!— and pulls it out. 

Gross.

She notices he’s still covered in blood, and slowly leans towards his face— creepily kissing him, removing the blood out of his dirty face along the way. Steven winces, closing his eyes. 

Spinel trails down to his mouth, kissing him— but he doesn’t reciprocate. He tries to turn away, but he yelps in pain— as he feels Spinel gripping her hands on his, scratching and digging her nails onto his skin. 

That’s his cue to kiss her back— _she’s waiting_ — and so he does, closing his eyes to kiss her back with hesitation— then he lets go.

Spinel looks dissatisfied and rolls her eyes. “Again, idiot.”

Steven smiles weakly, and leans towards her to kiss Spinel again. He... didn’t expect any of this. He thought she hated him, wanted to kill him— but it seems all this time, she wanted to take him away from her sisters, keeping him all to herself. 

Spinel gasps as she remembers something, noticing that the sun is finally rising.

“Oh, whoopsy daisy! I forgot.” 

She summons her scythe from her chest, and equips it— she then presses a button— causing it to produce sparks. 

Oh come on, Bismuth made it electric too?

“Heh.” 

Spinel flings the electric scythe across the arena and into the warp pad, causing it to explode and burst in flames.

_ Boom. _

Steven looks at the burning warp pad— mouth gaped, in shock. T-That was his only way out! How were the Crystal Gems going to come save him now?! How was he gonna fight Spinel like this?! He’s fucked, so fucked— oh my stars. 

“Thought your lil’ knights were gonna come ta your rescue, huh?” she snickers. “Sorry for ruinin’ your Happily Eva’ Afta’, princess.”

She romantically twirls one of her pigtails, staring at him. 

“I’m your Happily Ever After now. Get used ta it.” 

He can’t believe this.

Steven gets so angry— and he wants to scream at her, but as he opens his mouth and stretches his face, he winces in pain. “Ah... agh...” he groans, facing down in embarassment.

“Aww, lil’ Stevie’s all bruised up, huh? So different from the soft face Heart adores so, so much.” 

Spinel bends down and cups his face. “Now— I don’t have your fancy healin’ tears, but I can do this.” She pushes herself onto him, smooching his cheek aggressively— _eugh_. Steven hates this, but he has no choice but to put up with her extreme affections. 

Spinel steps back— her lips making a smacking noise— and she notices his discomfort. She starts mumbling under her breath. “Wh-What do you see in her, and her, that you don’t see in me, huh?” she starts to breathe heavily, getting frustrated. 

“After all— w-we’re the same girl! We love you all the same—“ her voice cracks in desperation. 

Steven instantly rejects the notion, but that actually makes sense.

She... does love him like the other Spinels do— albeit in her own sick, twisted way, Steven realizes. She’s equally obsessed with him as Heart is. 

Steven himself gets agitated at the thought. He closes his eyes to think of his next move, and opens them again.

“Spinel... why are you doing this? Why do you have me tied up like this— what are you gonna do with me!” he feels himself getting hot as the flames in front of him burn brighter. 

“Oh, I forgot! My baaad, sweetie.” She taps her index fingers together, innocently. She stands up, and swings her leg back and forth like a child. 

“Welllllll, you know that game White Diamond played with me when you visited Homeworld?”

Huh? “Y-You mean when she let you control her?”

Spinel brings her hands together in a sole clap. “You got it!” she grins.

Oh, no fucking way. She wants to control White Diamond? 

“I mean, it’s the perfect little plan really. I take over White Diamond, and I make her shatter Blue and Yellow— easy!”

Oh, no no no no no. 

“I mean, really— how else was I supposed to exact revenge on them for pushing Pink Diamond away— how else was I supposed ta punish Homeworld for shattering the other Spinels— how else was I supposed ta express my anger for bein’ locked away for six thousan’ years, hm?! HM, STEVEN?” She gets hysterical.

This can’t be happening. This has to be a dream! 

“Spinel, t-that’s not right,” he grunts, trying to change her mind.

“Oh, but don’t think you’re outta the pichsha, Stevie!” she giggles. “After all, I can’t rule over Homeworld alone... I need my Prince Diamond, after all!” she says sadistically. 

Steven shuts his eyes at the sound of that. She’s absolutely insane— and worst of all, her plan might actually work. 

Spinel bends down again to face him. “And if not? Well... there’s always the garden,” she grins, exposing her gritted teeth. 

No fucking way.

“You know, that actually is a pretty bright idea! I can have you as my little playmate this time— locking you away in my garden. I can visit you, and we can have tea parties, and go on romantic strolls, and hold hands, and, and—“ she blushes, and panics as she realizes she’s out of character.

She clears her throat awkwardly, but returns to her violent self. 

“And if you don’t comply— and if the other Spinels get too touchy-touchy with ya— then nobody can have you,” she grabs hold of his neck and starts choking him, inching closer to his bruised face. “If I can’t have you, _no one will._ ” 

This is so crazy. She was gonna kill him if he didn’t obey her! 

Spinel lets him go, leaving Steven panting, desperate for air. He’s hyperventilating now.

Suddenly, a magical portal appears out of thin air, and a familiar face is revealed. Wrapped with a bandage around her nose, but the same face nonetheless. 

“CONNIE!” shouts Steven, relieved. Tears flow out of his eyes— finally, someone normal! Someone familiar! — he can’t believe this, but he missed her so, so much.

“Steven, I’m here! Pearl told me everything,” she pants as she hops off Lion, her sword wrapped behind her back. 

Spinel swiftly turns around, growling. “Well, well, well...!”

“Look who wants to play,” she smiles. 

Connie slides the sword off her back and equips it, holding it firmly. She stares at Spinel with determination. 

Oh no— they’re gonna fight!

Spinel turns around and jumps above Steven, pushing her feet against the column and propels herself towards Connie at a rapid speed, ready to attack. 

She tackles Connie, and begins punching her, making her drop her sword. “You just don’t know your place, do you? Scram!— He’s mine now.” 

Connie groans, but manages to get a grip on Spinel— they struggle together, digging their nails into eachother, but Connie raises her leg up and kicks her in the gut, pushing her away.

Connie quickly stands up and picks up her sword as she dashes away. Spinel lifts herself back up from the floor and wipes her mouth. 

“Oh, you’re gonna fuckin’ pay for that.” Connie runs towards Steven— _Steven_!— but Spinel chases her— she then extends her arm dramatically and grabs Connie by the hand, lifting her up. “Woah, whoa!” 

Lion is towering over Steven, trying to rip apart the rope that’s tied him— “Come on, come on! Faster, faster!” he urges, struggling to break free. He has to help Connie! 

Spinel then slams Connie against the arena floor, pounding her into the ground. Connie lies there, weakened in defeat. 

“No!” 

Spinel stomps towards Steven in anger, eager to seperate Lion from Steven. She can’t let him get away. 

But finally, Steven’s broken free. _Yes!_

Connie weakly stands back up and catches up to Spinel, and she roughly pushes Spinel towards Steven— Spinel fumbles on top of him, but he grabs her by the wrists and digs his nails into her skin, hurting her. 

“Ah, ah!” she cries. “ _Steven_!—” she says in a softer, sweeter voice. Wait— that sounds familiar. _No._

It’s Heart— she’s looking up at him with her doe-eyes in confusion. “Steven... what’s going on?”

No... he can’t hurt her.

He lets go as he realizes she’s switched altars. 

He can’t do this to her. She’s not the one he’s looking for— she has no part in this! 

“Steven, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” Connie shouts in frustration. 

Steven tenses up, panicking, completely conflicted— “I-I don’t know, I can’t h-hurt her—“

Heart looks up and grins after witnessing Steven weaken, exposing her sharp teeth— and she reaches her hand to choke him. Steven gasps, and clumsily tries to remove her hand from his neck, desperate for air. 

Spade played him. 

She holds him up in the air, ready to finish him off— but Steven gets so overwhelmed, so full of anger after being so cruelly betrayed— he turns Pink. 

_ Oh no.  _

Spinel lets go in fear and backs away— and she holds her hand up to her face in defense, until—

Steven grabs her by the arm, and she tries to pull herself away, but she’s suddenly moving ridiculously slow— too slow, in fact— she can barely move. What the hell is going on? 

Spinel gradually turns around, and sees that Connie is frozen in place, looking at them in fear as she herself glows pink.

_ Steven’s frozen time.  _

“Huh?! What—“ but before she can fully react, the untied Steven drags her along with him. What is this— What is he doing! 

He swings her body against the column, Spinel slamming her back against it, and Steven looks down at her. 

_ I’m sorry.  _

Steven grabs the rope from the floor, and starts to tie it around Spinel, who falls to the ground on her knees. No, no! She can’t lose! He can’t betray her like this!

Spinel struggles in place, but it’s no use— she’s too sluggish, she can barely find the strength to raise her hands to try and loosen the rope.

Steven finishes tying her up, and now she’s against the pole, seated in place. Steven closes his eyes and exhales, lowering his hand as he fades back to his normal color. 

“Steven!” shouts Connie. Time is back to normal, and she rushes towards him. Steven turns around in disbelief. _Is that really her?_

“C-Connie?” he gasps. “CONNIE!” he smiles, rushing up to her— she leaps into his arms and he spins her around repeatedly— both laughing in unison— spinning and spinning— but suddenly they glow brighter and stronger and Spinel looks up at them in shock unable to believe her eyes and— 

They’ve formed Stevonnie. 

Spinel shuts her eyes in defeat.

Stevonnie’s hair is now cut short, like Connie, and they’re wearing Steven’s pink varsity jacket. They grip tightly totheir sword, glaring at Spade. 

“I’m sorry, Spinel.” They shut their eyes and turn around. They’re walking away from her— and back to Lion, who’s patiently waiting for their departure.

“Huh?! W-Wait, wait! No, you-you can’t leave me like this! STEVEN!” she screams at the top of her lungs, but her screams abruptly turns to desperate cries.

“STEVEN— C-COME BACK. PLEASE. STEVEN— STEVEN!” but they ignore her, putting their sword behind their back, raising themselves to sit on top of Lion.

_ They’re abandoning her.  _

“STEVEN,” Spinel wails. “STEVEN! STEVEN, I _NEED_ YOU. STEVEN. STEVENNN!” She starts struggling, trying to free herself as much as she can— she grunts and yells in anger, her eyes flooding with tears. She starts to kick her feet up and down aggressively, wailing as she throws a violent tantrum.

“AUUUUUUUUUUUGH!” she screams at the top of her lungs, begging him to come back.

Lion roars and warps them away, leaving Spinel alone, tied to the column. 

The sun begins to rise.

Now she’s the nobody.

Spinel looks at the abandoned arena in silence.

_ She lost the game. _

Spinel starts hyperventilating as she realizes the horrible, horrible irony, as feelings come flooding back to her.

Oh, isn't that lovely? 

Isn't that cool?

After crying for an hour she finally tires herself out, ready for her night alone in the arena.

She flutters her eyes closed as she hums herself to sleep...

And isn't that cruel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh this was so sad ;___; but ive had this idea that steven would freeze time and tie her up instead for a while
> 
> as always please let me know ur thoughts :’)


	26. Phantasmic Youngsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie and Steven go on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3rd chapter of the day!! this is a new arc so i just really wanna grind through while i have all this free time xD

A week had passed since Steven had abandoned Spinel at the sky arena. 

He still woke up from nightmares about that incident, every night— worrying about her plans to shatter the Diamonds and take over Homeworld— her plans to lock him up in the garden for thousands of years— her plan to finally kill him. 

The Gems noticed Steven losing sleep about it, his eyebags deeper than ever now. He was so exhausted everyday, yawning constantly, and became severely anxious as he depended heavily on caffeine.

All the Gems would do favors for him to try to get his mind off Spinel. They knew how much this was tearing him apart. Pearl set up a bubble bath— no, this time it wasn’t tampered— for him to relax, Amethyst watched T.V. and played video games with him, while Garnet accompanied him to the beach to meditate. 

But... it just wasn’t the same. He— he needed her, he needed Spinel. For some reason, he was starting to depend on her? 

_No_ , he says. Spinel was a horrible person. She was too dangerous, too volatile, too violent— now that her alters switch uncontrollably and unknowingly, he has no idea which iteration of her to trust now.

_Now_... Steven thinks to the present moment. He flinches, nearly choking up. Right now, Spinel’s tied to a column, with a rope strangling her. She must feel so lonely, so sad, so betrayed without Steven— battling the elements. It had rained last night, actually. 

But the gems told him to wait it out— they felt that Steven could resolve things by waiting until she calmed down. He was right, they thought... but after a week he felt it was about time to see Spinel again. Maybe he could try to visit her tomorrow. 

After Stevonnie had abandoned Spinel and returned to Beach City, they took a walk as themself. Steven and Connie would just... talk. Back and forth, between their head, making conversation. It was awkward at first, especially after so long and after what had happened, but after a while they began to feel comfortable with eachother again.

He missed that. He missed... normality. Spinel was too chaotic for him now— and even though it breaks his heart to put her in this situation, he can’t help but feel relieved to push her to the side for some time like that, clearing his mind. He finally had time to himself. 

And he used that time wisely— exercising, going on jogs— relieving his anxiety about Spinel in any way so he could sleep better.

He also called Connie every night, trying to reignite his relationship with her. They talked about the last couple of months, but Steven ommitted anything about Spinel.

Even though Steven and Connie weren’t technically dating, Steven did feel like he was cheating on her. After all, he gave her his promise ring— and he swore to save his virginity for h—

Steven didn’t. Steven didn’t... save his virginity for her, like he promised. Like fusion, like learning their powers and strengths, unraveling the mysteries of Homeworld and Pink Diamond— they’d learn and do it together. But instead, he jumped headfirst into Spinel, sleeping with her without hesitation.

Was he really that desperate? 

Knowing that Connie’s still supporting him after all this time, especially after how much time they’ve spent apart and after how badly he’s treated her, he can’t help but regret doing that. Like Pearl said, he had to think of his future and the bigger picture— and that future was with Connie. 

It was late in the afternoon, and Connie was actually going to visit Steven again in Beach City. They planned to go on a date on the boardwalk, actually— they hadn’t been on a date in so long, and Connie nearly forgot what Beach City was like after being away for months. 

Steven put on his pink varsity jacket and headed out, meeting up with Connie. He waited by the Pizza place, leaning against the wall— coolly, in the way that Lars taught him long, long ago. 

Steven sees Connie walk up to him from a short distance and he waves at her. Connie finally reaches him, quicking her pace, smiling— and they hug. 

They seperate, and Steven looks down at Connie. She’s wearing a sundress, and her favorite sunhat. 

“Do you like it?” she blushes. 

“Y-Yeah,” he responds, flustered. 

Connie clings onto his arm, and Steven guides her inside. They sit down at the nearest table and read their menus. 

“So...” she says awkwardly. “How have you been?” 

Steven rubs the back of his neck. “Um, fine. I did some work at the Homeschool but that was about it. I-I haven’t been doing much, admittedly. How about you?” he asks.

“Oh, I’ve just been catching up on schoolwork and my assigned readings—“ she actually pulls out a book from her purse to show him, placing it on the table.

“Oh,” he says. Steven picks up the book and reads the title aloud— “Theories in Quantum Physics,” he chuckles anxiously. Whaaaat?

“Yeah!” she says excitedly. “Isn’t that cool? We’ve been analyzing and discussing it in class and—

Steven spaces out as he skims through the pages— its words incomprehensible, and far too advanced for him. He... wasn’t much of a science or numbers guy, honestly. He much preferred writing song lyrics and poems, or practicing playing his guitar— or baking. 

Steven observes her as she rambles on about school, and can’t help but feel guilty about never studying. He missed out on so much. Then again, so did Spinel! So he feels a bit better about himself. 

He starts to realize how... different him and Connie are. Even though he thought they were similar at one point, but he realizes now how...wrong that was. They were both silly, and loved watching Dogcopter together— but they’ve grown and matured so much. Connie’s way more serious and studious now, reminiscent of her former self, but he understands that she has to focus on her career now.

Seems like they’re all changing. 

He gives her back the book, rejecting it. Connie looks concerned, worried about his disinterest in it— but she continues rambling on about physics anyway. She had gone to space camp, after all, and went on numerous field trips to NASA. She had an internship at one point too— and she even said she got a 4.0 in her first semester at university, the most prestigious one in Jersey State. She got nearly a perfect score on her SAT, so she obviously got into the school with ease.

The pizza finally arrives and Connie puts the book in her purse— and they eat together, albeit in silence as Steven spaces out again. 

“Are you okay, Steven?”

He snaps out of it. “Huh?”

“You seemed distracted— your pizza’s getting cold. Is something wrong?”

Steven chuckles shyly— “No, no. I’m fine, just... have a lot on my mind, recently.” 

Connie shuffles in her seat. “Is it about Spinel?”

Steven flinches at the sound of her name. “I... Yeah, it is. I just... feel so guilty. My mother abandoned her for thousands of years— and she trusted me, as her— uh, her friend, and I just abandoned her like that. I feel like a horrible person— like I’ve stooped to my mother’s level.”

“Steven... you know you made the best decision— and you did it in a pretty cool way, too! I mean, your time powers are awesome! 

“Gee, thanks,” he smiles.

“Plus, you handled it in the most nonviolent way possible— you didn’t really hurt her at all. You’ve gotten such a good hold of your powers... even if it’s hard. I’m proud of you!” she reaches out to hold his hand. 

He... can’t help but feel uncomfortable about that— he doesn’t understand why, they were on a date after all, but...

“And, who knows! Maybe all that was meant to happen,” she says as she rubs her leg against his flirtatiously. “So we could spend more time together...” she adds.

Steven looks at her directly in the eye, and she looks at him.

He forgot how beautiful Connie is, honestly. Her strong nose, her dark eyebrows, her silky raven hair... it had been cut, but still beautiful nonetheless. She was... kind of perfect, honestly. In addition to her stellar grades, her athleticism, and her booming social life, she was honestly _too_ perfect. 

Compared to him, who’s just... a really chubby, average guy. Sure, he had lost some weight and grew a few inches, but he still felt so insecure about his body. He was finally recovering from all the awkward acne he had as a teen— amusingly, instead of using an over the counter creme, Steven would use his spit to “heal” his imperfections.

And Spinel, well... She had wild, untamed hair in a set of pigtails that she’s long outgrown. And a deep set of eye bags, with sloppily applied mascara, and her face was brutally scarred— she thought herself as ugly, but he knew it wasn’t true. He liked her imperfections and quirks, in fact— after living under his mother’s shadow his whole life, and then behind Connie’s, he liked imperfect. No, he _loved_ imperfect.

Steven sighs dreamily and lets go of Connie to lean onto his hand, thinking of Spinel again. Connie looks at him in confusion— but it seems they’ve finished their meal, and she asks for the check, paying for him. 

He deserves the treat, after all he’s been through, she supposes. 

Connie stands up, prompting Steven to come to his senses, and he follows her out the door. They walk together on the boardwalk, gazing at the sunset.

Connie extends out her hand and smiles at him. 

Steven takes her hand— relieved she isn’t mad at him after everything. They barely texted or called eachother at this point, and Spinel had broken her nose... he shivers at the thought. God, he didn’t deserve her. 

“On the bright side, I’m halfway through the semester. I can come visit you again!” 

“Oh, really? That’s great Connie!” he replies. 

“Y-Yeah... but that depends on whether I get accepted into my summer internship though. If not, I’ll have to stay in Empire State and work in the city.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. Either way, I’m happy for you— and you can always call me when you need me.”

“Thanks, Steven,” Connie rubs her finger on his thumb, sending heat through his body. He flushes, surprised she’s so forward again despite their time apart. 

She quickly pecks his cheek, disorienting Steven. That... took him by surprise. 

And... he kind of liked it? Her kisses were far gentler than Spinel’s. Connie leans against him as they walk, brushing against his shoulder. He tenses up a bit, but then tries to play it cool.

Connie then comes to a stop as they reach the end of the boardwalk. She holds both his hands, looking at him. She flutters her eyelashes.

That’s... how he knows he should kiss her. He hesitates a bit— but he feels after so long, she should have at least one kiss. They’re nearly the same height— so Steven just gives her a soft kiss on the lips, then parts. 

“Ah...” Connie rubs her face, as the pain on her nose is finally relieved. “Let’s see...” she unwraps the bandage around her. 

Any cuts and bruises on her disappeared, and she’s healed. 

“Thank you! Thank you so much, Steven!” she gives him one last kiss, startling Steven. Then she twirls away, her dress flowing, as she begins walking back to her car. 

Steven touches his lip. She kissed him... but, this time, he... didn’t really feel anything? Which is so strange, because usually Connie’s kisses would spiral him into a lovesick frenzy... but this was just a painfully average kiss.

And a painfully average date, to say the least. 

He didn’t realize how little he had in common with Connie now— after all, the war was over, and Connie didn’t need to be his knight anymore. What other adventures could they go on— besides, um, accompanying her to college?

Steven thinks back to her childhood with her, when they were youngsters... and wonders if that was all an illusion. The two of them were gripping so tightly to eachother, never letting go, hoping their memories of their youth would bind them together. But was it actually real, or did Steven just... fall in love with the first girl he met, hoping they’d be together forever? Was it time for both of them to move on now, and meet new people?

As Connie walks away, Steven can’t help but feel her drift away— he groans at the overloaded phrase— she waves goodbye.

“Bye,” Steven says as he brings a hand up, watching her leave, feeling a bit guilty.

Connie’s doing so great now, she... really doesn’t need him anymore. 

Steven finally heads back home, and flops onto his bed, sighing. He’s had so many bad dreams about Spinel on this bed lately, he’s honestly starting to hate sleeping here.

He feels the bed for any sign of Spinel, hoping she found her way back home— nothing.

Spinel needed him, though.

Steven knew he had to visit her tomorrow. It was the only way he could end his nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter! this one quite short, but i felt it was necessary to flesh out steven and connie’s relationship.
> 
> the title, phantasmic youngsters, is actually the name of a song—
> 
> [here’s the link.](https://youtu.be/q4VTyykeKFw)
> 
> the song reminds me SO much of them— it’s just a summery, nostalgic, and simple song, reflecting connie and steven’s upbringings together. two youngsters.
> 
> however, as the two grow older and drift apart, steven can’t help but doubt their relationship. he thought they had so much in common, and he thought they were fated to be together, but everything was changing. he thought: was their relationship just an illusion? a lie? a fantasy? 
> 
> that’s where phantasmic comes in— phantasmic means: relating to, or in the nature of an illusion; lacking reality— and that clearly reflects their dwindling friendship and blossoming “romance.” it wasn’t genuine or real— steven was just clinging to the first girl he fell in love with, hoping they’d last... but they obviously didn’t. even though steven universe is a show about magic and fantasy, this realization steven has and change he goes through is quite realistic and candid. 
> 
> so yes, they are phantasmic youngsters— a very fitting nickname for them. two childhood friends who experienced an illusionary romantic relationship together in hopes they’d be together forever. 
> 
> oh, and i also wanted to bring to light the idea of steven being attracted to imperfection rather than perfection. connie’s beautiful, tall, athletic, popular, and smart— but steven can’t help but be more interested in spinel. steven’s a healer, and he always wants to help people be the best they can be— and considering that steven was expected to be the perfect son of pink diamond, he was relieved to know that he could just be his flawed self around spinel. he liked imperfect, and he wanted to help spinel grow and heal.  
>  thanks for reading! <3


	27. Downward Spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven returns to the Sky Arena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt my soul descend to hell writing this.
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU FOR 2,000 PAGE VIEWS/HITS! 🥺
> 
> enjoy!!!
> 
> [TW: Violence.]

It’s early in the morning, and the sun was just about to rise— the gems were asleep in their rooms, and Steven had woken up and gotten dressed, just about to sneak out. 

He grabs his personal backpack and puts all kinds of things for his visit to Spinel— wipes to clean her face and a brush— a blanket to keep her warm, another one so she can sit comfortably on the floor— He even brought her a teddy bear, one he won the other day at the amusement park. Finally, he held his ukelele in his hand, deciding to take it with him in attempts to cheer up Spinel.

This... wasn’t gonna resolve the problem in the slightest, but he had to at least give it a try. After all, he always did succeed in swaying her with a song. Kind of. 

Oh, and he also brought a blade to set her free. But he had to be careful with it around Spinel— he didn’t know who she could be fronting as today.

Steven heads down the stairs and takes the sandwiches he made for them out of the fridge, and steps into the warp pad. 

He closes his eyes as he waits to be teleported.

_Hm...?_ He opens one of his eyes.

Nothing.

_ What’s going on?  _

Steven slaps his forehead at the realization. Right. She destroyed it. “Liooooon!” he calls out for, waving his hand. Lion yawns, and roars— yawn-roars?— and he lifts himself up from the couch, struggling to carry his own weight.

“Let’s go, big guy,” Steven says as he walks with him towards the door, patting his back. They go downstairs to the beach for more space, and they portal away. 

As they were warping, Steven couldn’t help but feel anxious about what’s to come. What if she’s still Spade, and she’s furious— and, and, what if she hates him, and wants to go back to Homeworld? This gives him so much stress— but before he can come up with an answer or a solution, he’s arrived.

The Sky Arena. 

Steven inhales, and hops off Lion. Lion flops down to the ground, returning to his nap that was so rudely interrupted.

Steven starts walking across the arena, passing numerous columns, until he finally reaches Spinel’s.

Oh, no.

Spinel’s still tied up, but she’s fast asleep, leaning her head on her shoulder. That must be _so_ uncomfortable. 

He inches near her quietly, trying not to wake her. She mumbles a bit, but remains unconscious nonetheless. Steven delicately places his backpack and ukulele down, and sits in front of her to observe her.

She... looks terrible. Her hair’s a mess— all tangled and freed from her pigtails— her mascara was streaming down her face, staining her cheeks black... Her lips were so chapped, they seemed they had been bitten through, as there’s dried blood on her face.

This was the result of her inevitable _Downward Spiral_ after being abandoned by him, he supposes. 

His heart sinks looking at her like this. 

He wishes he never did this to her— he regrets it so much and wishes he could’ve come sooner, but the Gems would keep an eye on him at all times so he wouldn’t escape, knowing he’d get himself into danger again.

But thankfully, Spinel doesn’t seem dangerous at the moment. She’s probably Clover or Heart right now— she must have switched a few times while he was gone, most likely. 

At least... she wasn’t alone? She had her other selves to keep her company.But he gulps as he realizes they were probably fighting and screaming at each other the whole time, and Heart was probably crying, wondering where her Prince Charming went, and— Oh, what has he _done_? 

Steven stands up for a moment and places the picnic blanket in front of her— he places all the things he brought her and sprawls them with it. He was hoping to surprise her— try to make her happy again. 

Steven sits back down and watches her sleep for a few minutes. She’s so... weak. There’s dried snot all over her face from crying, and her eyebags were deeper than ever— and obviously, she didn’t sleep very well all those nights.

He just feels so... guilty about all this. She must’ve felt so abandoned and betrayed and alone— but despite this, Steven knew he made the best decision. She was Spade, after all, and she was going to initiate her plan to return to Homeworld and take over White Diamond. He had to stop her— at least without resorting to violence.

Spinel mumbles and groans, and flutters her crusty eyes open. She gasps.

“St-Steven?!” 

She stares at him in confusion, mouth gaped.

They’re dead silent.

“Y-Yeah, it’s me. Hi,” he awkwardly raises a hand. 

“Y-You came back for me...!” she says in disbelief. Thankfully, it seems she’s Clover now. 

“I thought you were gonna abandon me again,” she confesses. Again? Oh— he guesses it was the second time, wasn’t it. _Like mother, like son_ , he groans to himself. 

“Of course not, Spinel. I would never leave you— I promised. But you _know_ I had no choice but to do this to you.”

Spinel hesitantly nods in agreement, as much as she hates to admit it— he’s right. Spade was so furious with him, and Heart was so sad, and she was so conflicted... but now she realizes she can’t hold it against him. Spade was far too dangerous. She had to be stopped.

Since Spinel seems relatively normal now, he takes the blade from his backpack and inches it towards her chest. Spinel flinches, thinking he’s gonna hurt her— but instead he cuts through the rope, freeing her. 

She looks down at her body in confusion, and up at him.

“Huh? You’re... letting me go?”

“Yeah. I mean, the Gems told me not to, knowing the potential dangers— but I can’t stand to see you like this. You deserveto be freed— especially after so long.”

“Thank... you.” Spinel stands up, but her legs are so weak she fumbles back down. Steven reaches out to her and holds her hands, and lifts her up with him as he stands in front of her. 

Spinel lets go and bends her fingers up and down, and twists her back, and then reaches her arms up to the sky, facing it. She then stretches her neck side to side, groaning in relief. She’s free.

“How do you feel, Spinel?” he asks. 

“I’m... okay. I can’t do my fancy lil’ tricks for ya or anything, but I’m okay.” 

He sighs in relief. Thank the stars.

Steven kicks the rope surrounded her to the side so she can sit. 

Steven holds her hand, and she starts shaking a bit— but he steps back and gently pulls her down back to the floor so they can sit on the picnic blanket together.

“Wh-what’s all this?” she asks as she looks at the floor.

“I, uh... I guess— I guess this is sort of a date? It’s a picnic.” Spinel blushes. 

“A picnic? Ain’t that you and Connie’s thing?” she asks, monotonously. 

Steven clasps her hands tighter. “No, no— it’s _our_ thing now.” Spinel’s heart stops beating at the sound of that. What happened between those two?

Steven picks up the wipes next to him, and takes one out, observing her filthy face— “Lean closer, Spinel,” and so she does, as he wipes the tear stains and mascara dust off her face. Spinel mumbles, embarassed at his touch— she must look so, so ugly to him. 

He’s... incredibly close to her face though. Too close.

He wipes her cheek, and even gently blows over her eyes to shoo off the little crusty discharge from her eyes. He delicately dabs the area— her lips quiver. He’s... so meticulous. So careful with her.

And so, so gentle with her. Despite everything, he’s still gentle with her. She just doesn’t understand why— what does he see in her?

Steven nearly finishes cleaning her face, and he finally rubs her chapped and cut lips with a new towel. 

“What happened? You were bleeding,” he says with concern, squinting.

Spinel looks at him, ashamed. “S-Since Spade couldn’t hurt us, she just bit into our lips repeatedly so we’d feel any kind of pain. T-That was our punishment.”

That’s terrible. Spade really would do whatever it takes to make her suffer, wouldn’t she.

Steven licks his lips, preparing to work his magic. 

He leans even closer to her, and Spinel shuts her eyes closed as she twitches, but he plants a moist kiss on her. He dips his tongue into her as he wraps his mouth around hers again, making sure it would work.

Or, he just really wanted to kiss her and put his tongue down her throat again. 

He pulls himself back, and smiles at her in anticipation. She opens her eyes and brings her hands to her lips— and they’re so smooth and clean now. The cuts are gone.

He healed her.

“Thank you. Thank you, Steven,” she says, but looks down at her lap shyly. He was just... too nice to her. She doesn’t understand why— she was literally trying to kidnap him a week ago. She didn’t deserve his kindness— she should be bubbled away right now. 

“Of course, Spinel.” Steven looks down at her and can’t help but notice her loose, knotty hair.

“Ah, I uh, brought you this,” he picks up the brush by him and shows it to her. She reaches out for it, but he holds it tighter and pulls it away from her grasp— “Can I? It’s the least I can do.”

Spinel nods hesitantly, and slowly turns around, exposing her long hair to Steven. He’s right, she thought— she was honestly so exhausted. Brushing her hair for her would be nice.

Spinel sighs, as Steven delicately combs her hair. She shivers at his touch, but after a few minutes she calms down. He combs through her knots as gently as he can— surprisingly, not hurting her— and he sweeps his hand down her hair with multiple strokes as he finishes. 

Spinel clears her throat, and turns around to face him. “I-I—“

“No need to thank me Spinel. You look really, really pretty.” 

Spinel’s face flushes up and she rolls her eyes— _grrrr_ , this was so frustrating. She was so mad and upset with him, she promised herself she wouldn’t give into him again, but she just couldn’t help herself. Even though he had tied her up for a week— this was somehow the best date ever to her. 

How is he so romantic?  Why does she fall for him every single time?

Steven reaches his hands towards her hair and rubs it, feeling its soft texture. Spinel holds her breath, and she flinches a bit. Steven chuckles awkwardly as he looks down at her— “Spinel, it’s just me— you’re okay. I’m not going to hurt you.” 

“You’re safe with me.” She immediately closes her eyes as she gets flustered at that comment— god, she really had completely fallen for him. All she ever wanted was to feel safe in his arms. 

Spinel takes his hand and rubs it against her cheek, warming herself up. He... really was her someone, wasn’t he. 

No matter how hard she tried to seperate herself from him and his mother, she always came back to him somehow. She denied it for so, so long— but she really was made for him— and they were destined to be together.

After all, what are the chances that Spinel’s finally saved 6,000 years later, at the hands of Pink Diamond’s son of all people? All that wasted time, all that waiting— it was all meant to happen. The universe was making her wait for Steven... Steven Universe. 

She continues rubbing against him. “Are you cold, Spinel? I know just what you need,” he seperates himself from her and pulls out a fuzzy blanket from his bag. 

Spinel’s eyes shimmer— _that’s so thoughtful, so sweet!_ — and he wraps it around her back, and pulls it tighter over her.

“Better?” he asks, admiring her new appearance. Spinel nods, finally smiling. She almost starts tearing up, whimpering. He’s just... such a great guy. 

Steven leans down on her and lightly clasps her cheeks, kissing her again. He dips into her, and they both shut their eyes. They kiss multiple times from different angles— until he sighs and lets go. 

Spinel becomes overloaded with joy— she can’t help but feel that Heart is shining through— and she suddenly pounces on him, pushing his back to the floor. Steven giggles.

He wraps his arms around her, as she rubs her cheek against his neck, her thin legs between his. 

He holds her tighter and kisses her on her forehead. She’s just so happy to be with him again— she thought she lost him for good.

[ ♪ Downward Spiral - Steven Universe ♪ ](https://youtu.be/07fTnCRFATE)

Steven lifts them up and lets Spinel face him— he caresses the top of her head and places his fingers on her chin, making her look up at him.

This... feels familiar. Like it’s not the first time he’s held her like this before. 

Steven once again plants a kiss on her cheek and parts with her— “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I was thinking we needed something fun to do together!” _Like what?_ “Y ou know the greenhouse dome on top of the beach house?”

“Uh huh,” Spinel nods in confusion. She didn’t really feel very comfortable in that place, knowing all the flowers and greenery, but—

“I’ve been picking up the hobby for a while, and I think we should start a garden!” he smiles, eager to hear her reaction.

_ Huh? _

_** G-Garden? ** _

Did she hear that right? He’s gonna lock her back up in the garden? That’s why he held her chin like that— that’s exactly what Pink did when she told her about the new garden— I—

Steven quickly wraps himself around her, hugging her. He squeezes her tight, grinning— completely unaware of her deteriorating state of mind. 

Spinel starts shaking as she leans on his shoulder, blinking rapidly— she’s dissociating. He says something behind her ear, but he can’t understand him as static noise replaces her hearing— and her vision abruptly blurs—

Just as he thought— the _Downward Spiral._

Spinel shuts her eyes, completely still— and Steven notices, pulling her away from him to face her. 

“Sp-Spinel, are you okay? What’s wrong?” he holds her by the shoulders, trying to shake her awake. She isn’t moving! “W-Wake up, Spinel!” 

“Spinel? SPINEL!” he shouts, hyperventilating, but he can’t reach through. Oh, no— did he hug her too tight! She was so weak, too, why’d he do that?! “SPINEL— SPINEL!”

Spinel violently bats her eyes open, looking at her surroundings in confusion— and then she freezes and realizes she’s in Steven’s arms again, and she growls. 

“Huh?”

Spinel pushes him back to the ground and grabs the knife he brought from the floor— she forces her knee onto his chest, pinning him down and brings a knife to his neck.

_ W-What?  _

“ _Game over,_ ” she says between gritted teeth. And then without hesitation, she slits his throat, tearing his skin apart. 

But before Steven can even react, he starts violently choking, crying in agonizing pain— he brings his hands to his throat and he’s soaking wet— he looks down at his hands— and he’s _drenched_ in his own blood. 

What the hell is going on? 

He looks up at her in shock, as he realizes that Spade was fronting again. She snarls, firmly gripping the knife. 

_ She was gonna fucking kill him! _

Spinel once again lunges the knife at him, screaming violently— but he summons his shield and defends himself, forcing her back— he then swings the shield to her face as hard as he can, hitting her chin, and she falls on her back. 

The knife slides away from her. “I WON’T LET YOU TRAP ME IN THE GARDEN AGAIN, _PINK_ —“ she cries and tries to lift herself up, but  Steven jumps on top of her, pinning her down with his hand on her chest— and another one holding his shield up in the air.

Lion had woken up and was roaring aggressively at her, but Steven shoo’d him away: he can’t have Lion maul her to death.

She’s struggling against him, digging her nails onto his face— she looks to the side and stretches her arm, reaching for the knife and—

Oh no.

Steven bursts Pink, knowing his life is in complete danger.

He has no fucking choice— he has to finally end this.  The Spinel he loved was long gone—there was no saving her!

Steven screams and raises his shield up, suddenly bashing Spinel in the face. He closes his eyes, wincing, and bashes her again as she drops the knife. And again. And again— beating her violently, deforming her face— and again, and again, as hard and quickly as he can. He starts crying, wailing— her nose is broken, and she’s covered in bruises, completely bludgeoned— she’s screaming at the top of her lungs in pain, with Steven’s blood dripping on her face— she tries so hard to shove him away with the little energy she has, grunting. Steven whimpers as he pounds into her one, two, three more times with his shield — _AUGH! AUGH! AUGH! —_ and she’s covered in a body of smoke and—

_ Poof.  _

Steven drops his weapon to the floor.

Dead silence.

It’s over now. 

She’s gone.

He did it.

Steven hovers over her gem, panting. He opens his eyes and notices the floor covered in blood— and he brings his hands to his throat. Huh...? Sp-Spinel... Did she really try to kill him? 

He couldn’t believe it— he was in so much fucking pain, he swore he was gonna die. Steven looks down at her gem, and— and suddenly, intrusive thoughts enter his head—

_ Just finish her, Pink.  _

Huh?

_Go on, do it. You know you want to. All your problems will go away, Pink Diamond. She tried to kill you, after all. She can’t be trusted. Don’t you want to be free?_

What?! No, no! He shuts his eyes, covering his ears as much as he can— shut up! shut up! — but he has no control of his body, and he gradually reaches for his shield, taking it— he suddenly raises his hands up, about to smash Spinel and shatter her with it, tearing up— 

He looks down at her gem, scowling with gritted teeth— but suddenly he notices his reflection on the glass, and how he’s all pink now and— how he looks _exactly_ like her!— _NO!—_ he shouts, sending vibrations across the arena. 

Steven drops his shield and shoves his hands to his mouth and gasps, trembling.

His shield spins on the floor in circles, and finally disintegrates. _What... the fuck was he doing?_

_No, no, NO!_ Steven cries, tears streaming down his face. He starts _wailing_ , hyperventilating, choking on his blood— he can hardly breathe.

He— he needs to help himself. 

Steven licks his bloodied hand and rubs saliva on his neck— healing himself. He looks down at his shirt and his varsity jacket, as he’s totally drenched in his own blood— most of it finishing dripping, pouring from his neck. 

He wraps himself with his hands, trembling— holding himself as hard as he can, lifting his knees up to his chest. Trying to restrain himself. _WHY WOULD HE TRY TO SHATTER SPINEL!_

Steven shuts his eyes and buries himself in his lap, cowering— he breaks down crying, unable to look at her gem. 

_Spinel— I’m so, so fucking sorry_ , he says between his cracking voice and violent coughs. He can’t stop sobbing.

What kind of monster had he become? What was that— why was he now becoming Pink Diamond? 

Was he now changing as well?

This seems it was the beginning of his Downward Spiral, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 27 chapters!! wow!!! 
> 
> i have a feeling i’m gonna reach 40-45 chapters, based off the plot i’ve laid out— isn’t that exciting! :0 (EDITOR’S NOTE 07/17: HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS SO WRONG)
> 
> as always please leave a comment with your thoughts ^w^


	28. A Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel visits the Diamonds, failing to fulfill her responsibilities for each of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLASHBACK CHAPTER!!! This will be the first in a small series of flashback stories as Spinel’s currently poofed in present-time.
> 
> this is actually my favorite chapter ive ever written so far. ;w;  
> not to mention its extremely important to the story. <3  
> enjoy! and as always leave ur thoughts.

𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐲 𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖

"Not now, Spinel.”

Yellow Diamond sits upon her desk in her open-windowed control room, facing various futuristic floating screens. Calculated as ever, she delicately hovers her hands across the screen— analyzing images, reading graphs, and downloading waves of data. 

She scans the text across the screen, darting her eyes back and forth in intense focus. She looks down and rapidly takes notes with her electronic tablet, as her Pearl meticulously types and records everything her Diamond is doing on a keyboard, observing her every move. 

Yellow’s eyes suddenly defocus, as she notices a pink blur moving behind the transparent screen. She squints,swiping the screen away to get a better view, as she’s now distracted from the task at hand.

Spinel was doing cartwheels and tricks in front of her, trying to catch her attention. “Yellow, check me out!” she giggles, doing flips across the platform. 

Yellow Diamond rolls her eyes, and looks away.

“Uh, huh. That’s nice, dear,” she responds monotonously, and glides the screen back towards her, blocking her view of Spinel. She returns to her work— she’s always working. Why doesn’t she ever make any time to play? 

Spinel looks up at her and can’t help but notice how dull she looks— so she twists her legs in a spiral and propels herself up, reaching Yellow Diamond’s throne. She climbs up, and hops on Yellow Diamond’s shoulder, startling her. She was curious to see what she was doing on her motherboard this time.

“Please, can’t you see that I’m preoccupied?” she picks Spinel up by her shoulder-puff and places her carelessly on her desk.

“I’m currently dismantling another one of my armies— and soon, I’ll be liberating the Kerberos colony. They’ve been waiting to be freed for months!” 

“Not to mention the Deimos, Tethys, and Ceres colonies... Oh, how could I forget Ganymede?” she mumbles to herself, hyperfocused on the screen again. Spinel tries to wave her arms around to catch her eye, see if it does anything— nothing. 

Spinel groans. This wasn’t the first time this had happened. 

In fact, it was the 245th time in a row— and counting. Spinel even scratches the walls in her suite with a pencil to keep count, tallying the days Yellow Diamond had ignored her to go work on her desk again.

Just something to keep her entertained to avoid dying of boredom inside the palace. Her own little game.

Spinel’s unsure how to get down, so she steps across Yellow’s desk to move closer to the exit. 

But suddenly, the desk starts to glow, revealing numerous yellow buttons with symbols she doesn’t understand. Huh? 

Yellow groans, looking at the screen in frustration. She taps the screen multiple times, only to have all the charts and data she was studying freeze. Suddenly, they start glitching, flickering on and off, catching Yellow by surprise. One of her screens mysteriously shuts off. “Wha— What? Pearl, what’s going on? I demand to know immediately!”

Her Pearl points at Spinel, grinning. “It’s her, my Diamond.” Spinel had been hopping side to side across the screen, laughing, playing hopscotch with the buttons as each one she steps on makes a different tune. Yellow winces at the horrible sound of it.

”Yellow, I didn’t know your desk was a piano!” she giggles, finally making it across the desk as she finishes her musical cacophony. Yellow Diamond stares at her furiously, furrowing her brows.

That... wasn’t an instrument— it was her CONTROL PANEL. And Spinel was SHUTTING DOWN THE SCREENS.

Oh, this gem had become an absolute nuisance, hadn’t she— completely infuriating Yellow. Yellow Diamond swiftly raises her hand up, about to squash her body and shatter her without hesitation— 

“ _Ahem?_ My Diamond?” says the Pearl with her usual nasally voice. Yellow Diamond flinches and comes to an abrupt stop, and places her hand down. 

Right. 

No shattering. Force of habit. 

Yellow Diamond takes a deep breath to calm herself down, shutting her eyes, and then looks down at Spinel and places her on the floor again.

“I think it’s best you leave, Sphalerite.”

It’s... Spinel. 

Her name was Spinel. 

Yellow Diamond’s Pearl snickers as Spinel walks out the door. _Yeah, yeah laugh it up,_ she thinks. She was used to being the clown, after all. 

She can’t help but feel guilty about it though. Yellow looked so mad back there— Spinel messed up big time.

She sighs, looking down as she walks.

It seems that everything she does, she does it wrong, she supposes. Now, why does this all feel so... familiar?

[ ♪ Familiar - Steven Universe (Instrumental) ♪ ](https://youtu.be/OC_1Eo7mWBA)

Spinel drags herself out to the hallway, discouraged as ever. She seems to have bored Yellow Diamond by now— after all, she had run out of tricks and stunts— and as Steven had abdicated, unwilling to help them free the colonies and disband the armies, the Diamonds were as busy as ever.

Spinel rolls her eyes as she reminds herself of him. Steven, Steven, Steven, everything was about Steven. She was gettin’ real sick a that guy— even replacing him as her best friend with someone else. She scowls as she finally reaches Blue Diamond’s quarters. Spinel opens the door, quietly knocking. 

“H-Hello? My Diamond?” she squeaks, peering around the bathhouse. Blue Diamond had just gotten out of the water, and was squeezing her lustrous hair to dry it.

“Oh, Spinel!” Blue Diamond gasps. Finally, someone who remembers her name. Blue Diamond gazes down at Spinel, but her face of excitement turns to that of disappointment.

“Your posture, Spinel,” she coldly says. _Right_ , Spinel awkwardly grins between gritted teeth. She always needed to have perfect posture for the Diamonds, fit for a beautiful prin-cesse!

Spinel improves her posture and strides along— only to be stopped again. 

“Oh, Spinel—“ Blue brings a hand to her forehead. “What are we going to do about those hideous scars? Pink had perfect, porcelein skin— this just won’t do,” she says as she shakes her head and closes her eyes.

“B-But... I like... my scars,” she responds quietly, confused. Was... she ugly to her? Blue Diamond then nitpicks her again.

“And what did I tell you, Spinel? Why aren’t you wearing Pink Diamond’s jumpsuit?” 

Spinel winces at the memory of her dressing identically as Pink Diamond for the Diamonds.

“It was custom-made by one of the Pearls just for you and it fit you perfectly! I thought you loved it.”

Spinel chuckles lifelessly. No, no she didn’t. So not her style— not to mention everytime she wore it she’d get traumatic flashbacks to her abuse and have to hide her tears in fear of disappointing the Diamonds.

“Oh, what a shame, really. You looked so adorable, especially with those little gloves and slippers— I mean, you’re just so much like her, I can’t help it,” she says fondly, cupping her cheek as she admires her.

Spinel groans. Is she really? Or is it just because she’s the only survivor of Pink Diamond’s court, and the only one who can fill the role? Pearl had fled to Earth, the other Pearl still worked as a servant around the palace... this left Spinel to do the Diamonds’ bidding and pretend to be their mannequin, replacing Pink.

Spinel sighs and composes herself. She has to focus on her duties. After all, they’re giving her a roof over her head.

“Do you wanna play, my Diamond? I have this new game, and I’ve laid out all a the rules— not ta mention—“ 

“Oh, not now, Spinel. I’m busy soon— I have a very, very important meeting to attend to.”

“So you ain’t playin’ wit’ me no more?” she asks, crestfallen.

“You’re  _ not _ playing with me  _ anymore _ —” Blue Diamond quickly corrects her, making Spinel feel ashamed of the way she talks.

“Remember your status and your place, Spinel. The way you speak is very important! Think like royalty, think sophisticatedly...

Think _Pink_ ,” she softly giggles, warming her cold exterior up at the memory of her loved one.

Spinel cringes. 

Oh, this is so fucking agonizing. This has been every day of her life for the past year since she left Earth, and she’s not sure how much more of this she can take. 

Suddenly, Blue Diamond stands, elegantly walking across the royal bathhouse as her Pearl coolly walks beside her— she’s guided by a small screen that projects the map of the palace. One thousand rooms. 

“Wh-Where are you going, my Diamond?” Spinel asks, following her down the hallway. 

“Oh, you won’t believe this,” she smiles. Spinel lifts her head up to hear her better.

“I’ve come into contact again with the Rose Quartzes from the Zoo base, and I’m going to have a little tea party with a few of them. They’re going to be retelling me their memories of Earth in the Kindergarten and in their bases, filling me in on everything I’ve missed. And most importantly, they knew Rose Quartz, Pink Diamond, personally, so I’m asking them to describe her for me in vivid detail. You know how I miss her so much— I’ll take any kind of new information about her if it helps me piece together her story.” 

Spinel can’t actually help but feel curious about this— “Can I come with ya, Blue?”

“Oh, no no no. This is a very urgent matter— I need to be alone with the Quartzes so they can focus. You’re simply too much of a distraction, Pink—“ she flinches, and then closes her eyes. “Spinel. I-I mean Spinel.”

Oh, come on. She can’t get her name right either?

Blue Diamond hovers her palm towards her, prompting her to go away. “Don’t you have to prepare for tonight’s ball, Spinel?” 

She doesn’t want to be followed.

_ They love her, but they’re leaving her behind. _

Spinel stops as Blue exits, and sighs as she’s left alone in the desolate hallway. 

She lets her walk ahead and dashes to the next corridor, her eyes watering with tears. 

Is she just... supposed to be Pink Diamond now?

“Ah, who am I kidding. I don’t belong here. I should have never come with them to Homeworld.”

_I’m such a fuckin’ fool_ , she thinks, panting as she runs. _It’s Steven and Pink they want, not me. I’m just a hand-me-down. A consolation prize._

Not to mention Spinel failed to fulfill Yellow and Blue Diamonds’ desires before the ball, like she was supposed to. 

Spinel makes her way to the main section of the hallway until she stumbles upon an ornamented white door, startling her.

Two guards stare at her, making way for her— she slowly steps through them, tip-toeing as she nears White Diamond’s quarters— this was her last chance. She shuts her eyes as she opens it— 

Here goes nothin’. 

Even though Spinel had entered numerous times, Spinel still stood, mouth agaped, as she looked at the brightly lit room, with White Diamond herself illuminating it. White had been seated and her back turned, facing a mirror held by two gems to apply her black lipstick. She hears the door close behind Spinel.

“Oh, Steven, is that you? Thank the stars— you’ve finally come to visit me!” she says enthusiastically as she carefully applies mascara on her lashes, making them appear thicker.

“N-No, my Diamond. It’s just your best friend Spinel!” she chuckles awkwardly as she draws nearer. Oh, just put me out of my misery. 

“Oh! Spinel, what a pleasure to hear from you, darling. Have you been keeping Yellow and Blue entertained, hm?” she inquires. “They’ve both been so stressed lately, overworked with endless missions and meetings, poor things.” She doesn’t even look down at Spinel to make eye contact with her— too distracted by her own reflection as she contours her nose. Spinel wasn’t important enough to make eye-contact with in conversation, she remembered.

“Now, what is it, Spinel? The little ball we arranged for the elites is today— why don’t you get ready, and put on your um, attire? We need you to fill the role for us again, princess. It’s your ball, after all.”

“My lustrous Diamond...” Spinel raises her arms up and forms the Diamond insignia with her hands, robotically grinning. “I thought it was, perhaps possible if, even if I didn’t finish entertainin’ Blue and Yellow, if—“

“Yes, what is it Spinel, spit it out,” she cuts— White interrupts her all the time. She smacks her lips together as she finishes applying her black lipstick, completing her look.

“I was wonderin’ if I could... leave the palace walls for a bit? I haven’t left in almost two years and, I really wanna see just how Homeworld has changed, and, meet new gems, and—“

White Diamond raises her hand up in disapproval, startling Spinel. “Absolutely not, Spinel. How many times are you going to ask this? Why would you ever want to leave the palace— just to go interact with those filthy peasants—“ 

White Diamond catches herself, remembering Steven’s wishes— “I mean, um— your fellow citizens.”

“Yeah, b-but—“

“And after all our kindness and hospitality, you’d abandon us? We’ve given you Pink’s beautiful room, given you a roof over your head— you take walks around the palace garden every day, and participate in the most luxurious parties for the elites. What more could you ask?” she brings a hand to her chin, perplexed by Spinel’s suggestion.

“Besides, we can’t have you out and about like this, exploring Homeworld— August 15th is nearing, and that’s a very important date. Do you know what that date means, Spinel? I know it’s very, very dear to you.”

Spinel gasps— White finally remembered this time! “M-My birthday?!” she suggests, bringing her hands to her cheeks in excitement. 

“That’s right, Spinel! It _is_ Steven’s birthday!” White cheers as Spinel feels a stinging sensation in her chest at the sound of that. She winces. “Oh, you have such a sharp memory, Spinel— it is, in fact, Steven’s 18th birthday!” 

Spinel groans. As if Spinel didn’t have to live under his shadow enough, she also shared a birthday with Steven Universe. _Yaaaay_ , August 15th.

_So many birthdays. _

She thought this year would be different, and that they’d let her celebrate it this time, but they always shrug it off and forget. 

White Diamond brings a hand to her cheek, and solemnly gazes to her side. “It was also the date of our beloved princess, Pink Diamond’s death...” she wipes a tear out of her eye, and sniffles. 

White Diamond suddenly claps her hands together, quickly composing herself— “Oh, but, we musn’t dwell on the past— there’s no use moping around being so sad— after all, it’s my duty to make everything better! That’s why, on the 15th of August, I’ll be throwing a ball for our precious Steven, our Pink Diamond. He initially rejected it, saying it wasn’t necessary, but I insisted!” she says proudly.

And after numerous manipulative tactics, she managed to convince him, probably. Steven was just a trophy to her, after all— she had always hated humans and wanted them killed, but after learning her Diamond who returned to her was now half-human, she couldn’t resist showing him off. He’s “exotic” to all of them, after all.

_Fascinating_ , Spinel thinks as she rolls her eyes. Another stupid party for Steven. This was like, the third one this year.

“We’re going to make him so, so happy— the last time we contacted him, he seemed so down... it seems he misses his friend, uh, what was her name again, Pearl—?” she elegantly snaps her fingers, gesturing at volleyball Pearl, who had returned to Homeworld. 

She was the one who made Spinel’s Pink Diamond dress.

“Ah, um— Connie, I believe. Her name was Connie,” she mumbles. 

“That’s right, Pearl— her name was Constance! Constance had gone off to this, uh, ‘college’ thing, leaving Steven all alone in Beach City. Poor Steven, no?”

Spinel looks down at the ground, distracted in her thought. Connie’s... gone? And... Steven’s— all— alone?

She... can’t help but feel happy about that.

Spinel suddenly grins— oh, this was perfect. Spinel suddenly jumps up, raising a fist in the air in excitement.

“Oh, my— you seem awfully excited. Eager to celebrate Steven’s birthday again, are you?”

“Yes! Yes, I am!” Spinel then rushes out the door, doing cartwheels along the way, cheering. 

And White Diamond got her name right, too!

“Oh, how sweet Spessartite is— isn’t she, Pearl?” Pearl nods in hesitation, looking concerned. What was Spinel going to do? 

Spinel skipped across the hallway and back to her room— Pink Diamond’s room— the one with the smallest door. 

She steps in, looking at her surroundings. It had taken her some time to get used to her new— or old— home, as her memories of Pink resurfaced. 

She wanted to change locations, but she couldn’t protest as the Diamonds couldn’t possibly understand her trauma. They thought that she loved Pink, and that she was so happy to fill her slippers— but that was far from the case.

After living in the palace and learning more about Pink Diamond— how she hurt her Pearl, how she drove Homeworld to ruin, how she abandoned her duties... she was starting to despise her.

Spinel steps into the center of the room and stares down at the mannequin. It was wearing a replica of Pink Diamond’s romper, tights, and gloves— tailor-made for Spinel. She was meant to wear that every day, especially for the balls— but it was so... out of character for her, she’d try to get away with not wearing it. At this point, she hated anything frilly and feminine.

But of course, Blue and White would get mad. Yellow honestly didn’t give a damn about her existence, far too concerned with her work.

Spinel rubs her hand on the dress, feeling its soft velvet. It... sure is nice though. 

Oh, how satisfying it’d be to finally destroy it after being forced to wear it for so, so long. 

Spinel suddenly tugs at the shoulder pads, tearing them off the dress— she cackles manically, feeling so content, and she rips off the other one— Haha! 

She startles the pebbles, her only friends, who looked concerned and afraid. They actually helped Pearl make the dress, but the Diamonds omitted that because they saw Pink Diamond’s little pets as... inferior lifeforms. This was because they were created out of Pink’s tears— a scarring reminder of the Diamond’s abuse towards her— and they needed to sweep it under the rug, keep it hush-hush. So the pebbles went into hiding, only appearing when Spinel was around. 

Her little mice. 

Spinel continues ripping at it, tearing off every inch of it— she shreds apart the tights as well, and throws all the pieces of the dress to the floor— relieved. She’s been wanting to do that for so long. 

She can’t help but feel like a reverse Cinderella of sorts, destroying her own ballgown like this, avoiding tonight’s party. She thought this was what she wanted— to be a princess and to live Happily Ever After in her castle—but she realizes it’s not the wish her heart truly desires.

Ironically, she wanted to be seen as more than a court jester so bad, hoping to someday become a princess— only for her to finally fulfill that desire and ultimately regret it. 

“I wasn’t gonna become the new Pink Diamond, not on my wa—“ she mutters, until—

_ “How’s it goin’ everybody?”  _

Huh? Spinel gets startled, and quickly turns around. She sees that the nearest screen towards her has suddenly turned on— likely triggered by saying Pink’s name— and that Steven was on the screen. 

It was Steven’s message to the universe from almost two years ago suddenly playing, his mature voice echoing across the room.

Spinel draws closer to the screen, staring at it in disbelief. She... hasn’t seen this video in so long. She recalled how she hated this video so fucking much— seeing it constantly play on a loop on the garden hologram, and then on the Homeworld screens, tormenting her— reminding her that she lost Pink’s little game to the birth of her miraculous human son, letting her get away with all her crimes scot-free. She grits her teeth as she watches him. 

_ “I know you all must be thinking of me as the new Pink Diamond, but you don’t have to put me on a throne... I have my rightful place, and it’s on Earth!” _

Spinel rolls her eyes. Right, that stupid nowhere planet Pink fled off to. She crosses her arms, gazing at the screen, waiting to see what he says next. She’s starting to get pissed.

_ “It’s a beach house, where I live with my friends— Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. As much as I love dismantling the empire and saving all your planets, I can’t wait to get home and spend some quality time with my frie—“  _

_AUGH!_ Spinel smashes through the screen, cracking it— as Steven’s face image violently distorts and the screen shuts down. 

Spinel pants— she didn’t want to hear about his other friends, or all his heroic feats, or how great his life is without her. Spinel was finally getting him off her mind after she returned to Homeworld, and she wasn’t gonna let this ruin t—

_ “How’s it goin’ everybody?”  _ Steven’s artificial voice repeats across the room.

Huh?! Spinel turns around to face the other side of her quarters— she rushes towards another summoned screen as she can’t believe her eyes. W-Why is it playing again?! 

_ “I know you all must be thinking of me as the new Pink Diamond, but you don’t have to put me on a throne... I have my rightful place, and it’s on Earth!” _

Spinel raises her fist to smash it again, but gets distracted by the clip— what does he see in that nowhere planet that he’d rather stay there than live in the palace with her, anyway? He would have so much fun with Spinel. They’d play so many games, and pull pranks, and— the clip interrupts her thought. 

_ “It’s a beach house, where I live with my friends— Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl.” _

Spinel flinches at the sound of their names— her other friends. They stole Pink from her first, like thieves— and just when she was starting to earn Steven’s trust, they stole him from her again. 

_ “As much as I love dismantling the empire and saving all your planets...” _

That’s right... he did do all that. He’s reminded Spinel of all of Steven’s heroic feats throughout the years. At the age of 14, Steven Universe became the savior of the galaxy, freeing the gems of Homeworld’s tyranny and saving the Planet Earth— what two, three times? She lost count. 

She... couldn’t help but find that so admirable, now. He really was a hero.

_ “I can’t wait to get home and spend some quality time with my friends,”  _ he concludes.

Spinel expects the video to loop again, but the video freezes at a shot of his face. Spinel can’t help but crack a smile at his adorable face. He’s shown bringing his hands to his chest, so overjoyed with the person he’s become, so eager to start his new life as a human on Earth— 

Spinel... admittedly hated this clip at first, especially since it agonized her and followed her everywhere she went, but after Spinel had helped Steven save the Earth and recover his Happily Ever After... she started to understand who he really was, and even developed affection for him.

She recalled how thrilled she always was to see him visit her. Or, the Diamonds, that is. He was always there to see the Diamonds— Spinel sighs.

Spinel brings her hand up to the screen, putting her hands on Steven’s chest. _Steven..._

After he had sang to her— held her hands, hugged her, helped her change for the better— Spinel had inevitably fallen in love with him, of course. At first, it was just a measly crush that first bloomed when she saw his face on the screen at the garden— but then it developed into something more.

At this point, it was out of her control. 

Spinel really wanted to be his friend— she did. But after waiting for him for so long at this point, hearing about all his heroic feats and current adventures from the Diamonds, she longed for him to see her differently now. 

Spinel shuts her eyes as she leans her head against the glass. She knows she messed up bad with him— and that he was never going to see her as more than a friend. But strangely enough, she couldn’t help but feel drawn to him, even after all this time— she had to try to win his heart, even if she failed, like a fool.

Spinel lifts her head up and looks at the screen one last time— and quickly pecks Steven’s motionless lips. She grins like a lovesick teenager as she turns around, sprinting across the room to rummage through her desk. Come on, come on... 

Aha! Spinel pulls out various letters sent to her by Steven— he bubbled them to her room, and they’d sometimes write back and forth. After some time though, they stopped— Spinel didn’t know why. She supposed they were just... driftingaway again.

Nothing new. 

She’d take out one of the opened letters and skims it— admiring Steven’s elegant, cursive handwriting. Identical to Pink’s, strangely enough— but she shakes her head to take her mind off of her and continues reading, gripping the page. 

𝒟𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝒮𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓁, 

𝐻𝑒𝓎, 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊? 𝐼𝓉’𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝒶 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝓁𝑒. 𝐼 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒸𝒶𝓉𝒸𝒽 𝓊𝓅 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊, 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝐼 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒾𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹. 𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝑜𝓇 𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊— 𝐼’𝓋𝑒𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒷𝓊𝓈𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑜𝓁𝑒 𝐿𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝐻𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓈𝒸𝒽𝑜𝑜𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔. 𝐼 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓋𝒾𝓈𝒾𝓉 𝓈𝑜𝑜𝓃— 𝑜𝓇 𝓂𝒶𝓎𝒷𝑒 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝓉 𝐻𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹! 𝑀𝒶𝓎𝒷𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒𝓂𝑒 𝒶 𝓁𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑜𝓃 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑜𝓁𝑒 𝓇𝑜𝓎𝒶𝓁𝓉𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓉𝑒𝓈𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊’𝓋𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈𝓁𝒾𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝒶𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒? 𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓅 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒾𝓂𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒟𝒾𝒶𝓂𝑜𝓃𝒹𝓈, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊’𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒻𝑒𝒸𝓉 𝒸𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒾𝒹𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒿𝑜𝒷.

𝒴𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈 , 

𝒮𝓉𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃  𖤐

He endearingly always signs his name with a star at the end, identifying himself as the new leader of the Crystal Gems.

Spinel also can’t help but notice all the doodles he makes around the text he wrote, drawing little hearts and stars, symbols representing both Spinel and him. These little details he made are also very similar to what Pink Diamond would do— she loved to make art, even if it was in tiny, simple ways, and even if it wasn’t that great. 

Steven was always so meticulous with his letters— his cursive was beautiful, likely taught to him by Pearl, of course— and Spinel couldn’t help but feel that they were special, made only for her. She sighs dreamily as she brings the letter to her chest, closing her eyes. _He called her perfect..._

She opens her eyes again to see what date this was written— and her heart sinks as she reads it. It was four months ago. He... really forgot about her, didn’t he. 

Like mother, like son, she supposes. 

Regardless, Steven really was as sweet as she remembered, and she wasn’t going to give up on her fairy tale. She wasn’t going to let him forget about her again— and after living with the Diamonds, she’s had enough. 

She picks up all the letters and places them all within her gem for safe keeping. She can’t help but think about her day with the Diamonds today— things had been distant like this for a while, the Diamonds also drifting from her. Admittedly, Spinel didn’t really enjoy being in the company of the Diamonds anymore.

She was so confused by this happening, as she swore the Diamonds reminded her of Pink’s best attributes— they were all family, after all. But they were just all so... wildly different from her. And so neglectful, and so controlling, and so patronizing—

Spinel’s finally starting to understand why Pink left. 

She’s made her choice— she has to find Steven again. He’s the one who fits the slipper, not her! He has to return to his role as Pink Diamond! 

Spinel prepares to head out the door, until she hears a tiny, tiny voice. 

“sᴘɪɴᴇʟ, ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏɪɴɢ?”

Huh? 

Spinel suddenly looks down at her feet, and notices three of the pebbles below her, squeaking among eachother.

“Oh, gus-gus!” she bends down to pick her up. 

“sᴘɪɴᴇʟ, ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴇᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴜs? ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ, ᴡᴇ’ʟʟ ᴍɪss ʏᴏᴜ.” The pebbles under her murmur in hushed tones, clearly worried for Spinel. 

“I... yes, I am. I’m sorry, but I’m leavin’ Homeworld at midnight. I’ve decided I don’t want my wish ta come true— I want a new one! So I’m not goin’ to the ball, so I don’t become a princess.”

“ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ? ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛ?” Spinel is about to respond, revealing her plans to woo Steven, but—

She shakes her head no. “Can’t tell. ‘Cause if you tell a wish, it won’t come true!” She smiles and taps the pebble on the forehead, placing her on the desk. 

ɢ ᴏᴏᴅ ʙʏ ᴇ , s ᴘ ɪɴ ᴇ ʟ!  ᴛ ʜ ᴀ ɴ ᴋ ʏ ᴏᴜ , s ᴘ ɪɴ ᴇ ʟ! whisper the pebbles as she heads out the door, trailing behind her as they cheer her on. Her time as a princess was no more— it was time for her to return to being a normal, peasant girl— fulfilling a new dream her heart makes. 

Her wish to simply reunite with her abdicated princess. He was the true princess, not her. The slippers belonged to him, and he had to get him to _his_ ball on August 15th, before midnight.

It was his Happily Ever After now. 

Spinel heads out the door and explores the hallways, into the nearest warp-pad station. It’s almost midnight, and the ball’s about to begin— she has to hurry before she’s caught. She finally reaches it, and as she finally steps on—

“Spinel?” she hears a whisper. Huh?

She turns around. “Where are you going?” 

It was White Diamond’s Pearl. Or, previously Pink Diamond’s. 

The two had been close for some time after deciding to stay in the palace to carry out their duties— only they could relate to eachother, as they both served Pink Diamond and suffered from her neglect and abuse. They’ve known each other for more than 6,000 years, when Spinel arrived. Only she could understand Spinel— or so she thought.

Pearl was supposed to escort Spinel to the ballroom. 

“I...”

Pearl looks at her with sad eyes, confused. “I’m leavin’, Pearlie,” Spinel finally responds. 

“You are? Why? I thought you liked it here. I thought this was your Happily Ever After, like you always boasted, and that you were happy living in the palace again—“ she mutters. 

“That’s... not my dream anymore, Pearl. I can’t keep— pretendin’ to be some princess I’m not. I can’t stand living in Pink’s shadow anymore.” 

Pearl clings to her pants. “Can I come? I... I feel the same way. I want to be free from the Diamonds too.”

Spinel stares at her cracked face, remembering all the trauma and abuse she’s faced at their hands.

But still, Spinel shakes her head no.

“I don’t understand... I thought I was your best friend,” says Pearl, with glossy eyes— staring directly at her.

Spinel looks down at her, conflicted. She... can’t bring her along. This was her time to be alone with Steven, to make him fall in love with her— she couldn’t let her come between that and ruin her chance with her Prince Charming, she— 

She has an idea. 

Spinel clears her throat, piquing Pearl’s interest.

“...Let’s play a game, Pearl,” Spinel says, clasping her hands together.

Huh? 

“I’ve decided I want to stay. We can play a session of hide and seek around the palace instead, like we used to! Just to make it up to you. This time, I’ll show you how it’s done,” she giggles. 

“R-Really?!” Pearl clasps her hands as she gasps. Oh, how much fun she used to have with Spinel! And she’s so glad she’s not leaving! She couldn’t deal with the Diamonds on her own. 

“Stand very still,” Spinel commands, tapping Pearl’s nose. 

“This’ll be so much fun!” replies Pearl, grinning excitedly at Spinel. 

And then Spinel smiled— that’s what Pearl’s after! A smile in her eyes, the sound of her best friend’s laughter.

Spinel plants her feet firmly on the platform— and Pearl watches her as the warp pad activates, shooting a beam of light, sending Spinel up in the air, floating.

_ Happy to listen, _

_ Happy to play, _

_ Happily watching her drift... _

_ Away.  _

Pearl closes her eyes, counting to 10— just as the clock strikes midnight— eager to find the hidden Spinel warped somewhere in the palace to entertain themselves during the boring ball.

What a fool, that Pearl was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did u guys catch all the cinderella and steven parallels >w>
> 
> just as steven alludes to cinderella (and is an antithesis to spinel), spinel embodies a reverse-cinderella in this story— one that rejects her destiny as a princess and her royal status, as well as her happily ever after, and wishes to reverse the clock and undo the spell cast upon her fairy godmother. 
> 
> her “fairy godmother” was pink pearl, who created her ballgown for her. but instead of proudly wearing it to the ball, spinel had destroyed it, representing her desire to undo her wish and return to being a normal peasant girl.
> 
> and instead of going to the ball to fulfill her happily ever after, her dream of becoming a princess, she instead chooses to abandon the ball before midnight. instead of undoing her spell— the clock striking twelve actually makes her wish become permanent, tying spinel to her fate as pink diamond’s successor.
> 
> furthermore, spinel neglects and the abandons the pebbles entirely, as if they were never present in her life at all. as if they never existed, or as if she never needed them— as they were the ones who helped her cope with and escape her serfdom. 
> 
> it’s as if spinel enjoyed being a servant again, alluding to her desire to entertain steven, like she entertained pink. spinel likes who she was again, growing distaste for her royal status, and is fine being a serf. 
> 
> and i made spinel read letters to steven for a reason— meaning she already knew what her happily ever was, and who her true love was— as opposed to the fairy tale, where, when cinderella goes to the ball, she meets her prince for the first time and seals her happily ever after there.
> 
> spinel’s pre-fairy godmother self, her jester form, WAS her happily ever after the whole time.
> 
> and of course, the diamonds represent cinderella’s evil stepmother and stepsisters. in the story, before being able to go to the ball, cinderella had to complete all her chores for her sisters. but spinel failed to do her job, disappointing yellow and blue, so white didn’t allow her to ditch the ball. spinel was so close to the ball, but she still wanted to let that opportunity go away anyway. 
> 
> so yeah— spinel, or spinerella, serves as a reverse cinderella to oppose steven’s more accurate portrayal of cinderella. xD creative, no?


	29. Ready or Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven brings Spinel’s gem back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 70K WORDS!!!!! i checked and we’re now in the top 10 of the stevinel fics with the most words!!! AHHHHHHH. hopefully that means this fic will get more visibility.  
> as you can tell by this title and the last ones, i’m having a lot of fun using phrases from steven and spinel’s song lyrics and spinel’s voice lines in the show as titles. xDDD
> 
> IM SOOOO EXCITED FOR THE UPCOMING ARCS THOUGH, OH MY GODDDD.

𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖 - Present Day

Steven warped into the beach house living room, panting. His shirt and jacket were completely covered in blood, and he cradled Spinel’s gem in his arms, trembling. 

He was just about to stomp upstairs and put her in his room for safe keeping, but suddenly Amethyst opens her temple door and walks out, gasping at the sight of Steven covered in blood.

“Whaaa-a-a-a-a-a?!” Amethyst gasps, staring at Steven in complete fear and shock. She rushes towards him as he turns around. 

“Dude, what happened to you! You look like you came straight out of a horror film.” She grips his shoulders.

“Hahah,” chuckles Steven monotonously. That’s because it was. Anyways, “Yeah... I had a little. Issue. With Spinel.”

Amethyst voice cracks as she unexpectedly cheers— “I knew she was trying to kill you! I knew it!”

Steven groans. “No, she wasn’t, Amethyst.” Wait. “Well— technically she was, but this was her other alter’s doing— I accidentally triggered her, and she just attacked me.”

“With what?” Amethyst tilts her head in confusion. 

“A... knife.” Steven admits, looking down in defeat. 

“Oh, come on— you set her free?! Pearl and Garnet SPECIFICALLY told you not to. They told you it was a hazard, and they were right! Now you almost got killed!” 

Steven sighs, his eyebags now protruding. “I know, I know— just don’t tell Garnet and Pearl— please.”

Amethyst was about to rebuttle— but she recalls how many times Steven has promised to keep her own secrets from the gems. 

“...Fine,” she crosses her arms. “I promise not to tell.”

Steven turns around and rushes up the stairs to his room, with Amethyst trailing behind him. Steven delicately places the gem on his bed, while he walks to the drawers and takes off his jacket and shirt.

Amethyst looks down at Spinel’s gem. “So uh, if Garnet and Pearl can’t find out, how are you gonna pull this off with Spinel nowhere to be seen?”

Steven flinches as he holds his new, clean shirt. 

“I... I haven’t really worked out the kinks— give me a break, this just happened, okay?”

Amethyst brings a hand to her chin, thinking. “Hey, maybe you can shapeshift as her!”

“What?! No, I’m not going to shapeshift as Spinel— I don’t ever want to be her! I can’t talk either, because they’ll recognize my voice.”

Amethyst rolls her eyes. Steven puts on his shirt.

“Besides,” he muffles behind his shirt for a second. ”I can’t stay silent that long! Spinel would never want to do that— she never shuts up! She, like, _loves_ talking. They’ll see right through me!” 

Amethyst cracks up. “Pffff, yeah. That’s totally true. Imagine Spinel being quiet, haha!” 

Steven picks up her gem, observing it as he clasps it with both hands. “Well, she’s certainly quiet now.” 

Steven looks down at the gem and affectionately slides his finger down Spinel’s gem, sighing. Amethyst can’t help but notice. She peers behind him. 

“So uh... were you two like, a thing, or somethin’?” she asks. 

Steven shuts his eyes as he flinches, knowing his secret has been blown, but he submits anyway. “Yes, Amethyst. Spinel is my girlfriend.” 

Amethyst sits down on the bed and looks up at him. “But what about Connie, dude? You literally proposed to her just two years ago— weren’t you two gonna get married?” 

Steven groans at the horrible, embarassing memory. 

Steven suddenly raises his voice, “No, Amethyst. Now we’re not.” 

“Wh... why? You two have known eachother since you were like, thirteen. You practically grew up together, and we all knew you two had major crushes on eachother since the beginning. Don’t you wanna hold onto that?” 

“Amethyst... that’s exactly the problem. I’ve known Connie since we were kids, but she’s the only girl I’ve ever known. Every time I’m with Connie, I’m reminded of my embarassing childhood self— I was so chubby, and awkward, and overemotional— but I’m changing, now.”

“And— and growing. I can’t help but think that Spinel is like... guiding me to adulthood?” he chuckles awkwardly. “If that makes sense. While Connie was dragging me back to my childhood, once Spinel came into my life that’s when I actually started to develop and mature. Every obstacle she threw at me, I overcame it, and I grew! She’s like... an imaginary friend, but instead of me outgrowing and forgetting her, she grows with me.”

Amethyst didn’t think of it that way, but she understands now. Amethyst was tempted to tell on him to Pearl and Garnet, trying to split them off so she could be best friends with Steven instead of Spinel, but—

Just as Pearl wanted to continue being his mother figure. 

“I've already messed up bad with Connie, Amethyst. I wish I could just start from scratch with somebody— and that person appeared when I needed her most. _Ready or not_ , Spinel was destined to come back in my life. I was simultaneously prepared and unprepared for that change.

And, at the beginning she was unbearable— I always had to solve her problems, and I obviously couldn’t trust her after she tried to kill me and destroy the planet like that. I thought she was still the same as when we first met, the same violent, explosive gem. B-But then I saw how with me, she had actually been changing along the way the whole time.”

“A new romantic relationship isn't going to be easy for me.” He looks down at her heart. _His heart._ “I'm gonna have to work at it, but... she makes me wanna try again.”

_ He’ll love again, he’s already found someone. ♫ _

Amethyst places her hand on Steven’s shoulder, tearing up like the sentimental gem she is. Startled, Steven looks up at her. “I support you, buddy.” 

Even if Spinel was replacing Amethyst as Steven’s best friend, she had to suck it up so she could be there for Steven. 

Steven suddenly hugs her tightly, burying himself in her hair. “Thank you, Amethyst.” They both smile. 

Amethyst slides off his shoulder, disappointing Steven as they abruptly part. She looks at him with sad eyes. “But... Garnet and Pearl aren’t going to be very happy.”

Steven knew about Pearl— but Garnet? Why wouldn’t Garnet want them to be together? 

“Huh, why? Why wouldn’t Garnet want me to be with the one I love? She’s always been supportive of me!”

“That’s... something between you and Garnet. She can explain it to you.” 

“O-Okay,” he responds. 

Amethyst looks down at her top, only to see it stained with Steven’s blood. 

“Oh, ah—“ Steven remembers his neck is covered in blood. He rubs the back of his head. “Sorry about that. I should probably go take a shower now.” 

Amethyst nods, and stands back up. 

Steven, holding Spinel’s gem, opens his drawer and places her gem under some clothes. No one would look in there, especially since Steven does his own laundry and folding now. 

He takes a new pair of clothes and underwear and prepares to take it with him downstairs to shower.

“When do you think Spinel’s gonna reform, bro?” she asks. 

“I... I have no idea. It shouldn’t be too long though, right? She can’t be without me for too long— and, and I _need_ her, or I’ll be alone again, and I won’t have a distraction, and I can’t help anybody—“ he starts hyperventilating. 

Amethyst squeezes his hand so he calms down. “It’s gonna be okay, Steven. I’ll be right by your side no matter what, remember? Like best friends.”

Steven nods and exhales, reminded of that wonderful memory of him with Amethyst.

He supposes that him and Spinel are beyond ‘friends’ now, leaving Amethyst to return to her original place. “Yeah— like best friends,” he says as he squeezes her hand tighter. 

They let go, and Steven heads downstairs to shower and prepare for bed.

The first of his many nights without Spinel, which he was not sure he was prepared for. 

_Ready or not_ , let’s begin! 


	30. Menagerie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven shows Spinel Little Homeschool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another flashback!!! chronologically, this takes place before the chapter shut up— and shut up takes place before steven’s birthday. that is to say, the order is: menagerie, the hardest part, shut up, “steven’s birthday”, unrequited. 
> 
> i really enjoyed writing this chapter too. :0 it was actually supposed to be really simple and short and kind of a filler but i made it useful lmao. spinel is SO evil and mean to steven here i cried writing her. enjoyyy

𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟑𝐫𝐝, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖.

“Come on, Spinel! We’re almost there!” chuckles Steven as he holds Spinel’s hand, dragging her down the street.

“Steven, where are we goin’!?” asks Spinel. She stares at a series of structures in the distance, and sees a spinning satellite, as well as architecture reminiscent of Homeworld. She gazes in awe.

They finally arrived to the site, and Steven raises his arms up, showing Spinel the bustling town. “Ta-da! It’s Little Homeschool!” he smiles. 

“Little... Homeschool?” 

“Yeah! This is what I wrote to you about in the letter, remember? This is like a safe haven for cured Gems and refugees from Homeworld— they can start a new life, here on Earth!”

Spinel would also like to start a new life on Earth, but she remembers that she told Steven this was just a... extended vacation.

“Here, I’ll show you around.” Steven once again takes Spinel’s hand— making her blush. He always did this, and she never understood why— she knows they’re supposed to just be friends, but he’s just so unapologetically affectionate with her for some reason. 

And the fact that they’re not a couple or anything pisses her off. 

Steven guides Spinel through the various stations of Homeworld, giving her a tour— Bismuth’s armory, Garnet’s yoga station, Amethyt’s classroom, the amphitheater... Several gems are exploring the Homeschool, each going to their classes and talking to their fellow gems. 

“Wow, it’s so busy. I’m... impressed,” Spinel comments. Steven... really was a natural-born leader like Pink Diamond was, wasn’t he. No wonder he barely wrote to her, he was so preoccupied running this place he forgot all about her— and it ended up perfect. “Thanks, Spinel,” he replies.

Even though she understands now why he couldn’t always reply, she can’t help but feel sad to realize that Steven was doing so much better without her. 

Spinel looks around to see all sorts of gems playing and laughing with eachother— making friends. It was like Pink Diamond’s dream colony, only without the dictatorial regime or the plan to destroy the planet and strip it of its resources. 

She notices how they’re all so... happy to be earthlings now, despite being gems. Is this what she was missing out on while Pink abandoned her? 

So this is the Happily Ever After she tried to destroy for him, wasn’t it? He’s put so much effort into it... but Spinel was the one who set him back. 

She can’t help but feel guilty and ashamed now. She wants to apologize, so she faces him. “Steven, I need to talk t—“

“Steven!” someone calls out for his name. Huh?

“Steven, can I please get your autograph?!” says the gem who walks up to him, holding a paper and pen in hand. 

Steven chuckles as he rubs the back of his head, “uh, sure!” he says as he takes it. He signs it and gives it back, and the gem squeals.

A couple other gems notice and surround him, pushing Spinel off of him. 

As they’re seperated it, they crowd around him, calling his name, begging for an autograph. They each squeal as they get theirs.

Oh, great. He has fangirls, she groans. Looks like this is gonna take a while. 

Spinel looks around the courtyard, and seems distracted with her thoughts as she notices the variety of gems, including refugees from Homeworld.

This place is busy enough, and there’s all kinds of gems here, there’s bound to be a familiar face. Maybe... just maybe, she mumbles to herself, walking away from Steven. He notices, and tries to call for her, but the fangirling gems screaming for him muffle out his voice.

_ Spinel, where are you going? _

Spinel scans around the homeschool, looking for any sign of them— she explores the area for thirty minutes, entering every single nook and cranny, but no luck.

It was no use.

She really was the last Spinel, wasn’t she. She sighs. 

As she continued walking couldn’t help but notice what... freaks all the gems around her were. Each of them more unique-looking than the last one she saw.  So many cured corrupt gems, so many off-colors, and not to mention weird fusions. 

Even some humans sauntered over to the Homeschool, observing the gems in their natural element, snapping photos with their cameras.

Was... she one of these freaks? Is that why Steven brought her here? 

She looks down at her hands and stretches them, remembering her elasticity. And then she brings a palm to her face, touching her scars— that’s bound to attract attention.

A human suddenly walks up to her with a camera, and Spinel winces as the flash blinds her eyes. Spinel covers her face for a moment, in discomfort, and then growls aggressively at the human, scaring him away. 

_ Grrrr. _

She... felt like an exotic animal exhibited in a zoo, with dozens of humans staring at her. 

Spinel notices a large transparent dome near her, and she feels inclined to enter, to see what it is. 

She goes in and looks around— it’s a greenhouse, surrounded by flowers, and pots, and vines. 

Fuck, it’s an indoor garden. 

She _despises_ these, and she starts getting flashbacks to her trauma— she  starts hyperventilating and she wants to run away and leave this horrible place, and she bursts out the door.

Spinel runs back to the courtyard, panting, closing her eyes to erase the horrible memories tainting her mind. 

A large gem shoves her, running as she’s playing tag with someone, pushing Spinel to the ground. Honestly, how uncivilized can these gems be?!

That’s it, Spinel growls. She’s out of here. “I’ve had enough a this stupid fuckin’ menagerie,” she mumbles to herself as she walks back to Beach City.

Fuck that stupid school— or should she say zoo.

Steven notices her and calls out for her, confused— “Hey, Spinel! Where are you going?!” but Spinel doesn’t hear him, distracted with her own thoughts,  stomping away in anger. 

Steven tries to follow her, but a gem comes up to him to ask him a question, and another one asks him to direct him to her next class, and suddenly he’s tied up in his responsibilities again, unable to run after Spinel. 

Spinel gets tired of walking and makes it up to the nearest hill— one overlooking Little Homeschool. She sits down on the grass and sighs, bringing her knees to her chin. 

Was... she really that weird? Is that all Steven saw her as, some, exotic creature? A piece of his collection of rare, deformed, and defective gems? She had her elasticity, after all— that had to turn some heads. Not to mention her tiger-like scars.

And then she realizes— was she just an artifact of his museum as one of Pink’s lost treasures? _Oh..._

Spinel overhears some rustling in the background and turns around, raising her fists up to prepare to attack,  already agitated— but it’s just Steven. 

“Finally, I caught up to you,” he says as he sits down next to her on the grass. He pants after running so much, and wipes the sweat off his face. Spinel stays quiet, and they sit there staring at the school for some time.

“What a pretty view,” he adds, trying to break the ice. 

He’s been so preoccupied with this Little Homeschool project, he hasn’t had the time to actually hang out with Spinel. Now was his chance— he thought, so he cracks a smile at her, trying to cheer her up. 

Spinel looks at him for a moment and blushes, flattered that he cared enough about her to check up on her after she left— and he notices her staring at him, but she quickly turns her gaze away, ignoring him. _You’re mad at him, remember?_ Steven raises a brow in confusion, and peers his head over her to catch her attention. “Spinel... what’s wrong?” 

Spinel once again ignores him, shuffling in her seat. She looks at a tree in the distance, or something, completely averting her gaze from the zoo— I mean homeschool.

“Did you... not like spending the day at Little Homeschool?” Steven asks, looking a bit disappointed. “Was it too overwhelming? I know there are a lot of gems, but...” he scratches the back of his neck. 

Spinel shakes her head no, still avoiding him. 

“What happened? Did you not make any friends, or like your classes?” he starts rambling, “oh, that’s great that you bring that up,” even though she never did, “because Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl and I were actually planning on hosting a survey of sorts— get feedback from the gems about the school. I could really use your input!” he says cheerfully. “Since you’re new,” he concludes.

New? What was she, the latest addition to his collection?

“W-Why, so I could help keep your lil’ menagerie running?” she rolls her eyes and looks down at the school with distaste.

“Huh?” that word sounds familiar, but he forgot what it meant.

“What does that mean?”

Spinel sighs. 

“It’s an exhibition, Steven. A zoo,” she responds— but Steven’s heart skips a beat, and he flinches. No, it can’t be... 

“Zoo...?” his voice cracks just saying that word again. That can’t be right. 

“Yeah—“ she says, “like those places where you watch animals held in captivity. But with gems— strange, diverse, and unique-lookin’ aliens, all for the humans’ entertainment an’ pleasure.”

“You are human, after all,” she adds as she shifts her gaze at him coldly. Steven gasps as Spinel cruelly says that to him, unfazed. “And we’re the fuckin’ weird, captivatin’ creatures the humans can’t help but stare at and take picshas of.” 

Steven opens his mouth to speak, but Spinel cuts him off, scowling.

“That’s what we are to you, right? Weak, injured animals you’ve heroically saved? Exotic creatures  for your extensive collection a gems, _my Diamond_?” she says mockingly.

Steven’s face flushes red, and he starts to get angry. How dare she suggest that, after all of his hard work! “T-That’s not true!” he raises his voice, clenching his hands into fists. 

“Oh, but it is. There are aaaall sorts a gems there from your past in that lil’ zoo, aren’t there— Gems you’ve so heroically saved from corruption, only for them to have hideous, monstrous forms— defective, weak, and off-colored gems you’ve encountered on your adventures and so bravely liberated— I’ve even seen a gem wit’ two heads!” 

Steven flinches and shuts his eyes, knowing she’s referring to the Rutile twins. 

“Oh, not to mention the fusions. The humans will be amazed once they find out gems can fuse into one, creating all sorts a beasts. Is that what you like, Steven?” she raises the pitch of her voice in curiosity. “Exploiting your subjects— since we’re so fuckin’ below you?” she concludes aggressively.

Steven stays silent, taken aback. 

“So, what’s next, your majesty? You’re gonna—“ she laughs wickedly, frightening Steven, unable to contain herself— “gonna put us in this summer’s carnival at the amusement park? Pffff— you’re gonna— gonna take us out on the road on your lil’ travelin’ circus? Make us perform stunts and tricks? Put a lil’ magic show for the stupid humans, maybe? After all, we all have magic powers one way or anotha.”

”Or— or, maybe you could make the Sapphires do— pfff— get this— fortune tellin’— Get it?! Oh, that’ll make a— a _FORTUNE! Pffffhahahaahaha_ —“ she laughs manically, bringing a hand to her face. Steven groans. 

“Oh, but I can join in too!” she says. 

Spinel suddenly jumps up, startling Steven. She puts her palms on the ground, and raises her legs up in the air, walking on her hands. “Y-You want an acrobat? ‘Cause I can do acrobat.” She raises her hand up, balancing herself on one arm— and then she switches, going back and forth between hands, showing off her strength to him.

Steven’s had enough of this, he thinks. He doesn’t want to see her objectify herself to make a point anymore.

“Spinel, stop—“ but she interrupts him as she suddenly laughs manically, doing cartwheels around him, encircling him faster and faster— rising up to a super human speed. “Spinel— SPINEL!” Steven shouts, but as Spinel surrounds him and he watches, he starts to get dizzy at the rapid movements. 

Spinel finally stops— Steven rubbing his head, groaning— but as he looks up at Spinel again, she contorts both her arms, twisting them in a disgusting and unnatural way. 

“Maybe you’d like a contortionist for your lil’ show—?” she grins, clenching her teeth as Steven cringes, covering his face. “Hmmmm?” 

“Spinel— you’re scaring me—“ he mutters, clearly uncomfortable. She’s freaking him out— what the hell is wrong with her?!

He’s hyperventilating now. This is too much. She’s out of line— borderline psychotic. She’s eerily similar to her past self.

“Oh, scary? You haven’t seen scary.”

Spinel aggressively summons her scytche and throws it in the air— and as she grabs it, she retracts it to its full form,  only to start performing tricks with it. 

She spins it in circles, behind her back and up her head— she herself spins her body with it, confusing Steven— and then she bounces her folded legs up, jumping in the air. 

Steven looks up in the air, mouth gaped, and sees Spinel spinning back down to the Earth’s surface, scythe equipped and ready to attack Steven.

Spinel’s gonna fucking fight him! 

Steven flinches in fear and covers his head, cowering— and as she does so, he forms a pink bubble around him, with Spinel landing harshly on top of it. The bubble shakes, and she nearly slips off, but she composes herself, standing on top of it.

“Oh, perfect! You want me to balance and spin on a ball now, don’t cha? Like one a those circus elephants from those old cartoons— how’d you know I loooove old cartoons, Steven?”

Just a wild guess. 

“I knew you’d make an excellent ringmaster, callin’ the shots so creatively like that. Want me to do more tricks for you, master?!  That’s what I’m made for, after all— the magnificent Spinerella, at your service!” she takes a bow. 

She encircles her hands in front of her mouth so she projects her voice louder. “Come one, come all— prepare to be amazed by this spectacular performance!” 

What! No, no! That wasn’t his intention at all! He doesn’t want her to perform tricks, she’s not an entertainer— UGH! 

Spinel puts the handle of the scythe in her mouth and stands on one hand, her legs up in the air as she hovers over the bubble, above Steven. “Amazin’, eh?!” she mumbles behind gritted teeth. 

She then places her feet back on the floor, and starts walking in place, prompting the ball to move.  Steven’s inside it, and he starts shifting inside it. 

“Oh, how funny! It seems that Steven’s part of the performance now!” she cackles and starts running, making the bubble go in circles around the field— Steven spinning and spinning up and down, to the point that his body reaches the roof of the bubble, forcing him to fall down every time. 

“Whoa—Whoa—Whoa—Whoa!” shouts Steven, but his screams are muffled as he’s inside the bubble. Spinel abruptly stops, knocking Steven’s face to the floor of the bubble. Steven’s inside, completely dazed and disoriented, his vision blurring— 

Spinel hops off the bubble and on top of the grass, and it pops. Steven’s laying on the ground, panting and groaning. He lazily flips his body over so he can lay on his back, facing the sky. _What the fuck was that...?_ He’s so dizzy, he swears he can see little stars spinning in front of him.

Suddenly, Spinel enters his field of vision— blocking the blue sky as she bends over to look at him. “Sleepin’ on the job, eh? Not on my watch!” 

Spinel backs up and Steven clumsily lifts his back up— “And for my final trick—“ she says as she summons three pink bubbles— “JUGGLING! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Spinel starts cackling manically, balls off the walls insane, and starts throwing the balls in the air, only to pelt Steven with them one by one as they come down.

“Ow, ow, ow!” he cries, shielding his face. “How about an encore—?” Spinel grins as she summons another set, juggling bubbles onto him, bruising his arms. He’s in so much pain— and so frustrated and embarrassed— he finally screams at the top of his lungs. 

“SPINEL, STOP!” he screams so loud, he sends a shockwave through the ground, causing a small earthquake. Spinel gets knocked to the ground as a flock of crows fly out of a tree, frightened. 

“Spinel— STOP. None of what you’re saying is true!” he stands up, yelling at her. “I’m NOT gonna put any of you in a circus, or in a carnival, or in some zoo and exploit you!”

Spinel groans and lifts herself up to face him. “Oh, so you just wanted to show us off, huh? ‘Cause you’re our savior, and you healed and revived us? We’re your little trophies now— one a your greatest accomplishments, aren’t we!” 

“What, no! That’s not true!” he responds.

“Or, or— are we just an exhibition of freak shows— a collection of the ugliest, most monstrous gems— just for the precious humans to shield their eyes in fear and disgust as they look at our deformed bodies and nasty faces!?”

“No, no, no!” Steven shouts at the top of his lungs. “You guys aren’t perfect looking, but—“ 

Spinel cuts him off, pointing at her scars. “What am I, the fuckin’ tiger a the circus? I mean, I’ve got tha ugly stripes ta fill tha role! Am I that ugly ta ya Steven?” she responds, her accent as intense as ever. 

“NO, THAT’S NOT TRUE! I SEE THE BEAUTY IN EVERYTHING!” he screams, losing control. 

Spinel chuckles to see he’s finally crumbling, and he pants in confusion, extremely agitated.

“Oh, baby—“ she says, jeering at him, “how funny, your wonderful mommy was exactly like that, too!” she raises the pitch of her voice, speaking sarcastically. “And you know what she did to me, Steven?” she slowly steps closer.

He doesn’t respond, instead closing his eyes, his lips trembling as he knows the answer.

“She locked me up, LIKE A FUCKIN’ ANIMAL,” Steven’s heart sinks, feeling nauseous, yet Spinel starts laughing wickedly— louder and scarier than before.

”How ironic! When I arrived to Earth, to your lil’ homeschool, you told me I was now able ta reinvent myself, become the gem I’ve always wished ta be— but here you are pushin’ me into the spotlight so tourists can take pics a me and force me ta do tricks for ‘em. Doesn’t that sound familiar, _my Diamond_?” 

Oh my god.

“Oh, I thought I could give you a second chance— but after seein’ your true colors— every shade of fuckin’ _pink_ — I wanna kill you even more—more than before...” she says behind gritted teeth, summoning her weapon again. Steven shields his face with his hand— far too weak to summon his shield now. 

She raises her arm, preparing to slice Steven’s face, until— 

Until from the corner of her eye, Spinel sees Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl staring at them. Staring at _her_.

Spinel should’ve given up at this point, but she’s still at a total high, so she continues jeering. “Looks like we got an audience...”

“Or should I say a new performance?” Spinel lets out a burlish laugh. 

She points at the gems, pointing at them one by one— “I mean, look at this— we have a midget, a cyclops, and a—“

But before Spinel is able to finish, Garnet summons her boxing gloves.

_ Uh oh. _

Spinel subtly draws her scythe back into her gem, and steps back from Steven, step by step.

Steven looks up at her, weakly lifting himself up, and tries to reach out to her— _he can fix this, he can fix any problem._

But Garnet’s stern voice makes him freeze in place. “Steven. Come.”

“Huh? Wait— wait—“ he says. 

“Now.”

His stomach twists. 

He looks up at Spinel, saddened— Spinel looking at him in fear and anxiety, her eyes widened—

_“Steven.”_ Garnet concludes. 

He has no choice. 

And then Steven sighs, having given up, and walks towards Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl looking down in defeat. He’s visibly dirty, and covered in bruises and scars.

Amethyst rushes up to him and wraps her arm around his shoulder, holding him as he trembles— the gems leaving Spinel behind. Steven starts coughing.

Pearl looks back at her scowling in disgust. Then she continues facing forward besides Steven, lifting her chin up. 

Spinel just stands there limply, completely dumbfounded.

*****

Several hours had passed since the incident and Spinel was forced to walk all the way home. She goes up the steps to the beach house, and tries to open the door— but they locked her out. She punches the door in frustration— where the fuck was she gonna stay now?

 _Probably the fuckin’ Pearl_ , she mutters, trying to figure out who did this. Steven was too compassionate to lock her out.

Suddenly, Pearl appears from the very corner of the balcony, emerging from the shadows. 

“Huh?” says Spinel. 

“Spinel... we haven’t really had the chance to properly talk now, have we?” Pearl slyly says. “After all, it’s been six thousand years...” she grins, infuriating Spinel, who’s clenching her fists. 

“I couldn’t help but notice you were disturbing Steven like that today...” she says as she towers over her. Pearl places a finger on Spinel’s chest, making her flinch and walk back. “Don’t ever. Do that. Again,” she says under gritted teeth, as she sharply pokes Spinel’s chest after each pause. 

Pearl gets off of her. “I know, that you’re taking advantage of Steven’s kindness and hospitality. And I’m happy that he likes you enough to let you stay, really!” 

Spinel looks up at her. “But much like Rose— or should I say Pink Diamond— he’ll outgrow you. After all, he can’t put up with a bratty child with a temper problem for the rest of his life, can he?” she adds. 

Oh, fuck you, Pearl. Where is she going with this?

”You’re a distraction for him right now— another one of his projects, a phase, you know that right? He sees a helpless gem— an absolute _mess_ like you— and can’t resist the urge to help you, like a fixer-upper. Every obstacle you make him face, every solvable problem you introduce to him fulfills him— he’s obsessed with helping others, and feeling needed— after every good deed he does, he becomes addicted, craving more. But he’ll find someone else... he always does.”

Spinel gulps, and Pearl speaks again after a pause.

”I _know_ you have feelings for him.”

What?!

H-How’d— how’d she know that?! She’s never told anybody about her crush on Steven except— 

“Pearl. Pearl told me.”

Spinel’s heart sinks. 

_No._

Volleyball?

Spinel snarls at her in anger— she forgot she and Pearl were close! No, no— she was NOT going to let Pearl get in the way of her and Steven and ruin her Happily Ever After! 

“I’m sorry that Pearl ratted you out like this— but she was so easy to pry information out of, really. We’ve gotten so close the last couple of months... She called me, crying— after you abandoned her and the Diamonds. 

The Diamonds never actually had any kind of expedition to go to, did they?”

Spinel starts to get nauseous. Fuck, she’s gonna tell Steven, and he’ll find out she lied to him, and he’ll get so, so upset, and—

“I mean, it’s sad really— he’ll feel so betrayed when he founds out you used him, so you could live with him, solely to avoid serving the Diamonds. Just as he thought you were special.”

Spinel cup a hand to her face in disbelief. No, no, no, no, no! 

“Oh, but don’t worry. I won’t say anything— after all, Connie’s going to be coming back from school for Winter Break— leaving time for her to rekindle her relationship with Steven.”

Oh, no way... This pisses Spinel off so much. 

“You know Steven proposed to her, right?”

Wh...what?

Spinel almost feels her heart shatter. She... she didn’t know that. 

“T-That can’t be, he would have told m-me—“

”Oh, but it is!” Pearl responds sarcastically, repeating a very familiar phrase Spinel had said to her once. 

“A year ago, actually. When he was sixteen, he proposed to Connie on the beach— he was so in love with her... They had known each other for years— practically grew up together. Isn’t that sweet?”

Spinel tries to hold back her tears. 

“It’s a shame Steven couldn’t grow up with you like you did with Pink, hm? What a shame.”

”So... Steven’s married right now?” Spinel asks, sniffling a bit. 

Pearl sighs, as she knows that if she lies it’ll be debunked eventually. “No— she told him to wait.”

Wait— that— that gives Spinel a chance!

Spinel once again brings a finger to Spinel’s chest, thrusting it against her harder than ever. 

“But _don’t_ get any ideas. Steven and Connie _are_ meant to be together— I mean, after all, they’re the perfect fusion. I would keep my eyes on you to make sure you don’t do anything, but from the looks of how your relationship’s going, things aren’t too hot now, are they?

Lost your temper?” Spinel flinches. She... really fucked up with him today, didn’t she. She didn’t even know if he was gonna let her back in— meaning she has to go back with the Diamonds again— 

“Garnet and Amethyst don’t seem very fond of you either, just know that.”

Fuck... that’s true. She really was alone on this. 

Pearl summons the house key from her gem and nears the door, unlocking it. 

“Goodnight.”

She enters and locks it again, leaving Spinel outside in the dark.

Spinel knew she had to check up on Steven, so she propels herself up to roof. She stumbles upon his balcony, and hops down to the wooden platform, by his sliding door. She peeks her head in the slightest, to see if he’s inside and— 

He’s being held by Amethyst, who’s comforting him as he’s curled up in a ball, shaking. 

Is he... crying? 

Spinel gasps and holds a hand to her mouth. _Did I do that?_

Pearl walks up the stairs, prompting Spinel to leave— but before Pearl can look at the window, Spinel has already left, her eyes flooding with tears. 

Maybe Steven did nothing wrong, and she was right— she really did belong in a menagerie.

*****

It was the next morning, and Spinel had slept outside on the main balcony on the floor— she was against the wall, her head buried in her knees. 

Suddenly, she’s woken up by the sound of the beach house door opening— she jolts up awake, only to see Steven in his pajamas— his curly hair adorably disheveled.

_Cute..._

”Spinel?” his voice is raspier than usual, sending shockwaves through Spinel’s body. “You were here the whole time? I-I was so worried about you, Pearl told me you had run away.”

So he didn’t lock her out. 

“Huh? No, I didn’t— I was here the whole time, waiting for someone to open the door,” she replies, lost.

”R-Really? Because I thought you left us a note—“ he pulls a folded piece of paper from his pocket, and hands it to her. 

She takes it and unfolds it, and she skims the letter. 

It basically said that she had ran away, and that she was never coming back. God, Pearl really was petty, wasn’t she? Of course she’d do that. 

Spinel sighs— and usually she’d explode and tell Steven everything, but she doesn’t want to worry him or stress him out more than she already has. Plus, she doesn’t have the heart to reveal to him that his mother-figure is manipulating his relationships.

So she lets this one slide.

”Y-Yeah. I wrote that. S-Sorry, I got confused. But I decided to come back.”

”That’s great...!” Steven smiles, but she notices he says it weakly. He also has pretty deep eye bags today— was he crying all night?

Spinel really, really fucked up. He’s never going to see her the same again after she cornered him like that yesterday.

Steven walks across from her, and sits beside her against the wall. 

They sit there for some time, Spinel unsure of what to say. He’s not upset...? And he wants to sit with her like this?

“I love tigers.”

Huh? Spinel looks up at him in confusion. 

“Yeah, tigers. Lions are my favorite of course, but I think tigers come at a close second. They’re pretty awesome, right?”

Why was he suddenly talking about tigers? 

“I never got to tell you this, but your scars are pretty badass, Spinel.” 

Oh— he was referring to what she said yesterday. Spinel blushes and brings a hand to her cheek. She didn’t expect that, knowing Blue disliked them. “T-Thanks. You’re too nice to me, I don’t deserve it.”

They pause again. 

Steven sighs.

“You know I’m not mad at you, right,” he says, gazing at Spinel.

“Huh? You’re not?”

”No, I’m not. I completely understand where you’re coming from, and why the Homeschool makes you uncomfortable. Not only does it make you uncomfortable because it’s a haven for rejects— like how you were rejected— but me leading it reminds you of her when she ruled... I know how my mother mistreated you— and I know she treated you like a trophy, or an accessory, or just something to show off... but I don’t think she ever had bad intentions. 

Pink... saw the beauty in everything. All gems who became her followers as she led the Crystal Gems admired her and were guided by her— but in actuality, it was Pink who admired them. It was Pink who followed _them_. She learned from them, and without them, she wouldn’t have been the leader she was today.”

Spinel... didn’t know that. She barely knew anything about Pink after she abandoned her, actually. Pink always did compliment Spinel’s elasticity, and admired gems below her...

“And that’s how I feel about the Homeschool. You guys aren’t freaks, or monsters, and you’re not ugly— hell, you guys are all more interesting than me!” he chuckles. “You’re not defective— and I don’t think I’m above any of you in any way. Even though I’m half human— I’m proud to be a gem— I’d never see you guys as tools of entertainment or anything! You and all the others make my life so fulfilling and interesting— even though I’m the one “helping” you all, I love learning from you all!” 

Spinel looks down, suddenly feeling a bit ashamed. Maybe she was jumping to conclusions... She let her anger at Pink get the best of her, and she blamed it all on Steven. 

“I know you’re struggling to adapt to life here on Beach City— and I know you’re struggling to get used to living with me, too. But... I can’t stress this enough, Spinel— I’m not Pink Diamond. I won’t mistreat you like she did, or, or abandon you— I don’t think I’m higher than you, I don’t own or rule you. You need to separate her from me if you want to know me.”

“I really want to be your friend, Spinel— I do. But I don’t think you’ve actually given me a chance— or tried to get to know me... Know me personally, as my own person, not an extension of my mom...”

He sighs. “I know you don’t have to love Pink Diamond, and I know you don’t have to like me, or love me right away or anything but... you have to open up and change the way you see me from now on.” 

“You need to change your mind.”

He’s right... she really has to start seeing him differently.

Steven softly starts to sing, startling Spinel— but this time she doesn’t have the urge to silence him...?

Together they look at the distance to see the sun slowly rise above the horizon, admiring the ocean. 

Spinel closes her eyes to listen, finally giving in to one of his sappy songs. 

_I don't need you to respect me, I respect me ♫_

_I don't need you to love me, I love me ♫_

_But I want you to know you could know me ♫_

_If you change your mind ♫_

_If you change your mind ♫_

_If you change your mind ♫_

_Change your mind... ♫_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 30 CHAPTERS!!!! WOOOOOO
> 
> i came up with the plot/concept for this chapter while eating an octopus so that about sums up my brainstorming process lmfao


	31. The Hardest Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven helps Spinel apologize to the Crystal Gems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback right after the menagerie chapter uwu enjoyyy
> 
> pure fluff and banter 💞😳 these two are in love and u cant convince me otherwise

𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟒𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖.

It was the day after Spinel’s outburst towards Steven, which resulted in her being forced to sleep outside and wait for Steven to open it as Pearl and the gems locked her out. 

Steven woke up early enough to check for her outside, only to find her asleep, seated against the wall. Spinel thought he hated her now, because of the horrible things she said and did to him— and that he wouldn’t let her back in, forcing her back to Homeworld— but as the compassionate boy he was, he forgave her.

Why was he so nice to her? After everything? 

She’ll never understand. 

After Steven had sung to her, Steven stood up and took her hand— Spinel hesitated, but he insisted, helping her lift herself up. He held the door open for her, letting her step inside. 

Pearl was inside, seated on the couch— she looks startled, about to question Steven— but quickly gets into character. “Oh, Spinel, there you are! We were all worried sick about you— especially me!” Pearl rushes up to her and gives her a hug. 

Spinel rolls her eyes to the back of her head as Pearl squeezes her body tight. God, she’s so full of shit. 

Steven smiles, relieved that there wasn’t any bad blood between them despite Spinel’s violence towards him. He walks into the kitchen, serving himself cereal. Once Steven looks away, Pearl quickly releases her and heads back to the couch, as if they never hugged at all.

Spinel walks and sits on the dining room table and buries her head in her arms as she rests her head on the table, exhausted. She barely slept last night, obviously. 

Amethyst comes out of her door, surprisingly awake this early— usually, she’d be up by noon. 

“Oh, hey Amethyst! I didn’t expect to see you around at this hour,” comments Steven cheerily as she enters, but she makes the mood even tenser than before.

Amethyst nears the dining room table and looks down at Spinel in disgust. She can’t believe she had the gall to return to the beach house, despite the way she treated Steven. After all, it was her and Pearl who comforted him all night while he cried about it.

And honestly, after undergoing so much trauma, pain, and suffering, Steven barely cried anymore— so this was a big deal. But despite his thick skin, he still cried after reading the note Spinel left behind— unable to believe his best friend abandoned her. 

Amethyst aggressively pulls out the chair— making it grate against the wooden floor, making a piercing noise that disturbs Spinel, forcing her to cover her ears.

Amethyst flops down on the chair and pushes herself under the table— impolitely leaning back and crossing her arms. 

Spinel looks at her in the eye, and Amethyst blows the hair over her other eye so Spinel could see how pissed she was. 

Spinel looks down in embarassment, completely ashamed. Ah, what was she thinking— foolishly believing she could fit in with the Crystal Gems and woo Steven like this. 

It was the Diamonds all over again— but this time she had to please and seek Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl’s approval instead. 

It wasn’t working out. Maybe she should just give up. 

Steven notices the awkward tension in the room as Pearl storms up to Steven’s room, likely to destress by cleaning or something, and as Amethyst stares at Spinel so coldly like that, he interrupts— “Hahaha, hey guys!” he starts chuckling awkwardly. 

“What, Steven,” Amethyst coldly says, startling Steven. 

“Um— ah—-“ he panics as they both stare him down, and randomly starts singing— “ _you can make a promise, you can make a change— you can make it better, you can make it right!_ Hahaha, come on, sing with me!” He waves his hands up, trying to distract them from their distaste for each other.

Spinel’s gripping onto the nearest fork, twitching. Oh, she can’t fucking stand this song right now. 

Garnet exits her door, only to see that Spinel had returned. Spinel turns around, in fear of Garnet’s reaction to her arrival.

Garnet doesn’t even hesitate.

“Get out,” she says. 

Spinel tenses up— huh?! Steven overhears her. 

“What?! Spinel is not doing that— Garnet, please, we can talk things out! You can all get along, we just—“ 

But suddenly, Spinel stabs the table with her fork, sticking it to the wood, and storms out. Pearl comes back down to the living room, overhearing the commotion. 

Spinel slams the door as hard as she can, knocking down Rose’s portrait. “Spinel? Spinel! Spinel, wait, come ba—“ but before he can open the door, Amethyst grips tightly to his wrist. 

Steven looks at Amethyst, confused and conflicted— “What?! Let me go, Amethyst. I have to get Spinel.”

Amethyst grits her teeth and looks up at him in discomfort. “Steven... nobody here really wants her back, dude.”

Steven’s heart drops— he was going to respond and yell at her— but instead he just yanks his arm out of Amethyst’s hand, tears in his eyes, and reaches the door, slamming it behind him as well. 

Pearl reaches up to Amethyst to comfort her after Steven had been so aggressive with her. Garnet rolls her hands into fists after seeing his reaction. “That young man is in big trouble.” 

Steven rushes down the steps, chasing after Spinel who’s already across the beach. Where the hell was she going? 

She’s stomping down the sand, walking forward in anger, muttering to herself. She can’t believe the gems didn’t even give her a chance— she knows she fucked up, but she expected them to be a bit more compassionate and understanding like Steven was.

Then again, Steven is so special— nobody can be as kind as him. 

Steven finally catches up to her, panting— he grabs her hand to stop her from walking, startling Spinel. 

“Wh-What! Steven, fuckin’ let go a me!” she yells, trying to yank her hand out of his, but he just grips tighter. 

“Spinel, I’m not letting you leave! You belong here, with us!” 

“NO! No I don’t, they don’t even want me there! I know now that I have to go,” she walks forward, dragging Steven with him. Steven tugs at her, trying to pull her back, but she just extends her arms longer and longer as she walks forward. 

“Oh, come on— that’s not fair! Spinel, come ba— whoa, whoa!” suddenly, Spinel starts dragging him across the beach, as if they were skiing on the sand. “Sp-Spinel, you’re dragging me, stop! Just stop moving so we can talk! We can solve this problem!”

“I don’t wanna freakin’ talk, Steven, I already messed up bad with the gems, and I already messed up bad with you!” she starts tearing up, gritting her teeth as she pulls harder. “Just leave me alo—whoa!” suddenly, Steven pulls her as hard as he can with both his hands, forcing her body back to him. She spins along the way, and slams her chest against his. Oof!

“Huh, wuh?!” Spinel pushes him back off, trying to get away, but he pulls her back to the front of him. He grabs her by the waist and puts her body on his shoulder, carrying her back to the beach house. 

What?! 

“Put me fuckin’ down, Steven!” yells Spinel, as she looks down his back. She starts kicking at his chest with her legs. 

“S-Spinel, you’re not going anywhere— I’m too strong, ah— “ he winces in pain, shutting an eye—“you’re not gonna be freed, j-just give up.” 

Nevertheless, Spinel stubbornly persists, kicking him repeatedly, growling— but Steven starts talking nevertheless. 

“Spinel, I know how frustrated you feel— I know that s-seeing me lead Little Homeworld upsets you, as it reminds you of my mother ruling over her colony on Earth, ah, ow—something you could never be a part of! I know it bothers you that I’m being showered in attention and praise, just like Pink was— while you had stood under her shadow all along, agh—shoved to the side.”

Spinel stops kicking him, giving in— she shuts her eyes. How does he know all this? 

Is she this easy to read?

She pants, catching her breath after exerting herself so much to resist him.

“I just wanna get off this stupit’ nowhere planet,” she confesses after a pause. 

Steven grips her tighter. 

“Spinel, whether you like or not— you’re a part of me, and I’m a part of you. You will always be bound to Pink Diamond one way or another, and unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about it— as a member of Pink Diamond’s court, you were meant to be on Earth!”

Spinel groans as she gets dizzy being held upside-down like this. She couldn’t stand staying on this planet, only to be reminded of the six thousand years she missed while stuck in the garden. 

“You’re not just meant to be on Earth— you’re meant to be with me, Spinel,” he suddenly concludes, and Spinel softly gasps.

Oh, that stings. 

Spinel’s face flushes red, and she buries her head against his back in defeat. How is it that he has NO idea how romantic he sounds, while still claiming to just be her friend?! 

Then again, everything he says and does is romanticizable— after all, he _is_ made of roses and healing kisses.

“And— and— if Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl can’t accept that, then they’ll have to deal with us being together anyway. After my mom abandoned you like that, I’ve realized that it’s my responsibility as her successor to look after you now. Just as you looked after Pink as she was growing up, now it’s my turn to take care of you. I’m _your_ guardian now.”

They continue walking, until Steven gets tired from carrying her and gently places her down in the sand to sit. Spinel rubs her forehead as she feels light-head. Steven pants. 

“I— I’m sorry I was so aggressive like that— here, let me—“ he quickly kisses her forehead in attempts to heal her pain. 

Spinel blinks rapidly as she looks up at him. Her migraine’s gone. 

“Sorry for uh, kissing you like that— I wanted to heal you— w-with my spit.”

Spinel blushes at the gesture, but she folds her arms as she remembers she’s supposed to be mad at him— ugh, he is so frustrating and so, so difficult to stay mad at!

“Well, it’s a shame you can’t heal Pearl’s shitty attitude,” she rebuttals, raising her knees up to her chest, looking away from Steven. Steven quickly sits down with her, confused. 

“What?! But Pearl’s great—!” Spinel rolls her eyes and scoffs. Oh, that’s good. “She was the one who comforted me all night while I was— uh, um—“

“While you were crying?” she quickly cuts him, staring directly at him. Steven’s face flushed red— how did she know that?! 

“I—I—“

“I looked out your window last night when I arrived, that’s how I know.” 

Steven sighs. That makes sense. 

“Why were you cryin’?” Spinel blurts out, hugging her knees tighter. 

“I... I.” 

“What?! What! Spit it out! What else did I fuck up this time?!” she raises her voice, frustrated with him— frustrated with herself. “Huh, Ste—”

“I WAS CRYING BECAUSE YOU LEFT, OKAY?” he unexpectedly yells, interrupting her. His eyes are closed shut, afraid to see her reaction to his confession.

There’s a silence. 

Spinel stares at him, mouth gaped, while he blushes in shame. 

“Huh...?” 

“Y-Yeah,” he responds, looking up at her shyly.

“After you left me that note, I thought you left for good. I was so frustrated and angered by what you said yesterday— I-I thought you finally going away was good, and I was so relieved— after everything—“ he says in disbelief. 

That breaks Spinel’s heart— but she has to stay strong. She can’t deal with anymore— she has to move on. It seems this wasn’t gonna end like she expected: maybe Steven wasn’t her fairytale ending after all. 

“Not to mention what you did to me resurfaced some... buried trauma,” he mutters. “I— I broke down.”

“Huh? What trauma?” she raises her voice in a question.

“You know... when you dangled me on top of the injector, slowly letting me fall to my death finger to finger.”

Spinel gasps and cups her face in shame. Oh, fuck. She did do that to him, didn’t she. Of course he wouldn’t forget— and of course it’ll scar him for life— _she’s doomed._

Their relationship was really done for. Wasn’t it. He’s never going to fall in love in her— who the fuck would, really? She’s disgusting— and a horrible person.

“M-Maybe it’s best if I just return to the Diamonds, then,” Spinel blurts out as a last-resort.

“Sure, sure! You can do that,” he pants in frustration, his heart racing. “But that’s just gonna result in us not talking for several months and forgetting about eachother again— do you want that, Spinel?!” his voice cracks.

“No, but—“

“All those horrible things you said to me— I thought that was the last straw... I wanted to give you another chance, but the gems begged me not to— but after a few hours of you gone I realized how much I...”

“Missed you?” he raises the pitch of his raspy voice.

Spinel stares at him in utter confusion. 

“What?!” —  Who the hell would miss a brat like her! 

“I know— it’s crazy. I mean, you’re such a piece of work, but— but I couldn’t stand to be apart from you like that for so long, knowing you’d grow and change without... 

Me there?”

Huh? 

“You... want to watch me change?” she asks. 

“Yeah— that was my promise to you, remember? That was my plan— to make you change. But you’re never done changing, are you?” he chuckles sweetly, gazing at her, making Spinel’s heart melt. 

“You’re always changing, and I don’t want to miss out on the amazing person you’ll become. I want to be there for you along the way— and make a difference.”

”What do you say, Spinel?” 

Spinel mutters in confusion— what was she gonna do now?

Steven takes her hand. 

“So please, please stay— we can solve this problem, together! I know that gaining Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl’s approval is hard, but they’ll eventually come around, I know it. They felt the same way about Lapis and Peridot, and soon, they’ll open up to you!” he tells her, passionately clasping both her hands together. 

“B-But—“ she stutters, flustered at how forward he is. 

“Plus, I-I could honestly tell how depressed you sounded in those letters you wrote to me from Homeworld.” He did? “I can’t stand to know you’ll be back with the Diamonds— they’re unbearable, and I’m not going to let another Diamond forget about you and leave you in a garden.”

Spinel starts tearing up— oh, he really was the dashing prince who came to rescue her! 

“I’m your protector— isn’t that obvious? There’s nobody who can look after you better than me— you’re a pain to keep in line, sure, but an exciting challenge for me nonetheless,” she bites her lip. “I can make that effort for you— hell, I’d love to!”

“We can get through this, Spinel— I’ll do the hardest part with you...” he grips her hands tighter. 

The... hardest part? What was that?

“You have to apologize to Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, Spinel.”

Oh, no. 

*****

Steven and Spinel walk back to the beach house, with Spinel clinging to Steven’s arm anxiously. He told her everything was going to be okay— that they’d accept her and let her back — but she was still so scared. 

Spinel, admittedly, wasn’t the best at this whole “apology” thing. Though that was fairly obvious, based off her abrasive personality.

Steven opens the door, his arm wrapped around the clinging Spinel— Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are seated together on the couch, muttering to eachother. 

They turn their heads to face Spinel, and she freezes— fuck, fuck! Why couldn’t she have rehearsed this with Steven? This was like a suicide mission! 

Steven holds her, and guides her closer to the gems so she stands in front of them, blushing. Steven bends down on one knee, putting his hands on her shoulders behind her— “Is there anything you want to say to them Spinel...?” he leans his cheek closer against her head to prompt her to speak. 

“I-I—“ 

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl look unamused as she stutters in-comprehensively. 

Oh no, she’s messed up big— she buries herself in Steven’s chest so she avoids the gems’ judgemental stares.

_ Oh my god, she’s like a shy little girl at a party meeting the adults for the first time, clinging to her mother.  _

Steven takes her shoulders and once again makes her face the gems— _Come on, you can do it!_ he whispers, cheering her on. 

Oh, don’t fucking patronize me. 

“Garnet and Amethyst...” she says, narrowly avoiding naming she who must not be named. 

“...And?” Steven says, holding her tighter.

“And Pearl,” she says between gritted teeth. _There you go!_

“I’m... sorry.” 

Suddenly, Amethyst slowly and agonizingly claps. “Yay,” she  monotonously says. Finally. 

“I’m—I’m not done yet!” Amethyst rolls her eyes and folds her arms, leaning on the sofa waiting to see what Spinel has to say next. 

“I’m sorry for explodin’ on you all like that. I-I was frustrated, and upset— to see what I had missed out on for so long. Not only did I miss out on six thousand years of Mars’s development”— _Earth, Spinel. We’re on Earth_ — Steven mutters— “Earth’s development. But even after I chose to return to the Diamonds, I also missed out on what a wonderful place Little Homeworld was. I lashed out on Steven, mad that he had retaken his role as Pink Diamond, and was such an amazing leader of a beautiful place, filled with so many unique gems, as well as the heir of a beautiful planet, with amazin’ people, and plants, and animals. I was jealous of what you all made together, and worked so hard to protect, knowin’ I tried so hard to destroy it, and... I’m sawry.”

”I’m so, so sawry.” Steven holds her tight, brushing against her cheek, proud of her for making it through despite how difficult it was for her— Spinel holds her breath as she feels Steven touch her like that. 

Garnet raises her voice to speak after being so silent. “Spinel...” Spinel tenses up. “All life on Earth is precious. This includes every living being, big or small—“ she says.

“But most importantly, this includes Steven.”

Pearl cuts in. 

“To us, Steven is the most precious being of them all— and we will fight with our lives to protect him,” she reminds Spinel.

Just as he fights to protect her... Spinel thinks. She finally understands how the Crystal Gems feel— and why they reacted to her actions like that. 

“Basically, what we’re saying is that we’ll beat the living shit out of you if you mess with Steven again,” Amethyst gracefully concludes. 

“Amethyst!” Pearl smacks her in shoulder, and Amethyst flinches, but then Pearl composes herself to look at Spinel again.

“B-But it’s true. Please, don’t hurt Steven again,” she mumbles, smiling awkwardly. 

Garnet summons one of her weapons, raising her hand in a fist, scaring Spinel. “Or you’ll be getting it.”

_ Um, okay—! _

Steven raises himself and forcefully guides Spinel away from them, gripping her shoulders. “Hahahaha, okay!” he chuckles uncomfortably, picking her up the floor by the armpits like a cat and dashes up the stairs with her— “that sure was a nice chat guys! Okaythanksbye!” 

Phew! 

Steven places Spinel on the bed so she can sit, and closes the door behind him— he leans against the door, sighing— clearly exhausted from the long and stressful morning. Spinel looks up at him quietly, confused. 

Steven turns around and takes off his varsity jacket— surprising Spinel— and he throws it to floor— he nears Spinel, and she backs up in fear, trying to figure out what he was gonna do to her now— 

Only for him to groan and flop on the bed beside her.

Oh. 

Spinel looks down at the resting Steven, who’s currently nuzzling his cheek on the duvet, recalling all he did for her today.

He works so hard for her... and really saved her ass back there. And he did the hardest part with her, like he promised her. 

Steven lays on his stomach, shutting his eyes as he shifts his head to the side facing Spinel— Spinel repositions herself to lie on her stomach on the bed. She brings her palms to her cheeks and flips her legs up and down flirtatiously, admiring Steven. 

Steven flutters his eyes awake as he senses her hover over him. He cracks a smile, and playfully shifts his head to the side to avoid her.

“Hey...!” she whispers— urging him to come back. _You were adorable!_ She lightly nudges him. 

How is it possible that she could be so sour with him one day, and so sweet the next? He swears, she’s two people in one.

(Oh, Steven, if only you knew.)

He gives in, and faces her again— smiling at her, trying to compose himself— one eye shut as he looks at her lovingly. 

Ugh, he’s so cute! And so playful with her, always trying to lighten the tense mood. 

Suddenly, Steven groans a bit, stretching his back, worrying Spinel.

“...Are you okay?” she asks, tapping her fingers together anxiously. 

“Yeah... my back just, really, really hurts from dragging you around all day,” he admits, shifting in place.

“Oh,” Spinel leans over him and pecks Steven on the forehead, likely in a failed attempt to heal him. 

“Spinel...” he sighs. “I’m the only one who has healing kisses,” he reminds her, although flustered by the considerate and innocent gesture.

“I know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 80k words 😭✊✊  
> and were nowhere near done LMFAO i think this fic might reach 200k words and over 50 chapters tbhhhh
> 
> also i think this fic is 8th place— ABOUT to be 7th— in terms of word count for the stevinel ship :O


	32. Winner Takes All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel makes a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stevens a horrible person lmao
> 
> new flashback :] enjoy — proofread

𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟕𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖.

Spinel had just gotten out of the shower that evening— one of her first. After her little outburst towards Steven the other day over Little Homeworld, he suggested to her that she start taking hot showers from now on, to calm her down. She’s still not too comfortable with them, much preferring to quickly polish her gem, but she can’t help but admit they relax her. Steven also bought her some essential oils— rosewater, of course.

Spinel dried herself and put on her pajamas— he also bought her new ones, as Spinel had really just been borrowing his old t-shirts and wearing them over her instead. She observed them, and noticed they had little bunnies on them. 

She couldn’t help but feel bothered by this, though...  Did he really see her this childishly? Like, someone who visibly showed everyone that she was inferior to Steven and depended on him like a child?

Did he still see her as the innocent, loving, stupid girl from before?

Spinel heads out the bathroom door and walks upstairs to Steven’s room, finally prepared to go to bed. The lights in the living room were dimmed, and the gems had gone to bed, leaving Steven and Spinel awake. 

Spinel opens the door nonchalantly, only to see Steven on the floor with his back turned. 

Shirtless. 

Spinel freezes in place, face flushed pink, completely unsure what to do— he seems to be giggling, staring at his computer screen. What the hell is he doing? 

Spinel hears a sweet voice, and it seems to be a girl his age. Is that...? 

“Connie,” Steven begins. Spinel instantly rolls her eyes. Oh, great. Her. “It’s so good to hear you again, you have like no idea. Thanks for taking the time out of your super-busy schedule to hang out with, me, heh,” Steven says as he rubs the back of his head. 

“Of course, Steven. Even if I’m doing a chapter outline for my molecular biology course right now, I’ll always try to find a way to make time for you.”

Oh, so they’re video chatting. Usually when they do this Steven tells Spinel to step out and give them an hour, but it seems Steven conveniently forgot this time. 

Great! She loves being reminded of how romantically irrelevant she is to Steven, seeing him on a digital date with Connie like this, having so much fun without her!

And so late, too— can’t they go to bed soon? 

“Steven...” Connie says saccharinely, “I couldn’t help but notice that you’re um, uh...”

Spinel groans as she watches this. And she can’t leave either, or she’ll risk being noticed by him.

“Shirtless?” he finished. “Yeah.”

“Yeah, heheh,” she giggles. 

Steven grabs the shirt next to him— “if it makes you uncomfortable, I can put it back on— I-I just thought I’d surprise you, since we’ve decided to take our relationship to the next level.”

Next step? Does that mean she had never seen him shirtless in this context before?

“No, no! That’s okay! I... I like it,” Connie says as she tries to avoid eye contact with him through the screen.

“You do?” Steven asks, blushing. 

“Yeah... you look really handsome— and, and really muscular too.”

“Hah, thanks— you do too, though,” he says as he recalls her years of training. He cups a hand to his face as he admires her. She really was so strong, wasn’t she?

“Pfff— yeah, thanks to you and Pearl! If it weren’t for all that rigorous swordfighting practice, and all the battles we fought together, I would’ve never grown from my lanky, weak self.”

“Well... I’m really proud of you Connie. And now that you mention it— about our adventures... I couldn’t help but miss them.”

“Me too, Steven, but... I have to move on with my life now— I got a full scholarship to JSU and I’ve already fulfilled a couple Gen Eds this summer!” 

Right, Connie started College nearly two years ahead than most— beginning courses in the summer, too— she’s that smart, and that reminder amazes Steven every time. What did such a beautiful genius see in such a dope like him?

“UJers? W-What was that again?” he asks, unsure. He... really wasn’t familiar with all this college stuff.

“Oh, that’s what we call my university, Steven. University of Jersey, remember? It was the university I finally chose after being accepted into Delmarva Tech, Keystone College, Jersey State University, University of Keystone— or UKey, Empire City College, Institute of Delmarva... you know, all seven of the universities in the Diamond League.”

“Oh, haha, right. Forgot you accomplished all that, studying for the SATs and all while I was running, uh, stupid little Homeworld,” he mutters.

“What was that?” Connie asks, who didn’t hear his self-deprecating comment.

“N-Nevermind...” he changes the subject— “Anyway, Connie, it’s amazing how you managed to make time for saving the world while also getting into so many amazing schools.”

“Yeah... my parents pushed me a lot, but I made it! It’s because I was always competing in tennis... I also was President of the Astronomy Club at school— oh, remember when my Robotics Team and I won first place in the National Robotics League?” she reminds him excitedly. 

“Of course I do!— Congrats, Connie. Winner takes all, right?” he smiles.

“Yeah! You remembered our team catchphrase, winner takes all! We chanted that nonstop on the drive home after we won, haha.” 

“Didn’t you get the highest grade in your class, too?” Connie nods in response to Steven’s question. “And nothing but 4’s and 5’s on the Advanced Placement tests, right?” 

“Ugh, yeah, that stupid 4 I got in APUSH really got me— I thought I wasn’t gonna get into the League at all with that horrible score.” 

Steven can’t help but roll his eyes. He can’t believe that by her standards, a 4 on an AP test is bad. Steven literally only knows up to 7th grade Math, and some basic Geometry that Pearl homeschooled him on.

In fact, it was Pearl who homeschooled him on everything— that’s why he appreciated her so much, and why he doesn’t understand why Spinel doesn’t like her when she could learn a thing or two from her! 

She taught him how to read and write, taught him cursive... His best subject has to be History, though, since the Gems literally lived through all of it and remember it all vividly. Pearl even made Steven take ballet classes for a bit— but it was his dad who actually taught him how to read and play music, and got him into poetry. 

Since Greg went to private school, he himself had a lot to teach Steven, too— he had to read all the required texts in school, so he passed them all to Steven. Even if he didn’t properly go to school, that didn’t mean he was an idiot— Connie has had to correct his spelling a few times, though.

It’s always embarassing when that happens.

He remembers how much Pearl and his dad would bicker on what was worth teaching him and stuff, and he can’t help but chuckle at the thought.

Spinel is still peeking behind the wall, listening in on their conversation. When are they gonna wrap this up? They’re so boring, plus Spinel has no idea what they’re talking about— what the fuck was college again?

“You’re... amazing, Connie,” Steven sighs. She really doesn’t need him anymore, doesn’t she? She’s doing so much better now— doing even better than him, honestly.

“Steven... you’re too much. Thank you, but please don’t forget how incredible you are too! After all, you saved the gala—“

Steven groans. “Yeah, yeah, savior of the galaxy, I know.” Huh...? “I can’t help but admit that I’m getting sick of being reminded of that all the time though— how is that even an accomplishment, not even the humans on Earth are aware their planet almost got destroyed like, four times!” he says in frustration.

Connie’s suddenly quiet. 

“H-Hello? Connie? Are you there?” 

“Huh? Oh, sorry. Steven,” she says as she closes her textbook. “What were you saying?”

Spinel sighs. This is what poor Steven has to put up with? She doesn’t even listen to him sometimes.

“Uh, I-I was just talking about how the humans don’t know that we saved Earth, like, multiple times.”

Connie clears her throat and clicks something on the screen. Seems she had been looking at another tab instead of Steven. 

“Oh, I see. Steven... don’t say that!  Even if you have to keep the Gems and Homeworld a secret, that’s still a huge accomplishment! I can’t wait to see what you do next.”

“Not like I’ll be able to get into the Diamond League anytime soon,” he rolls his eyes. “I probably won’t even get into community college.”

“Oh, come on... you know that would bore you anyway. Your life is too exciting!” Steven cracks a smile, appreciating how she sees the good in everything. “Even though I love studying, I also loved fighting and exploring the cosmos with you.”

“Yeah...” he sighs. “Me too, babe.”

_ Babe?! _

“Connie...” Steven mutters flirtatiously, gazing lovingly at her. “When are you gonna come visit me? I miss you...” he taps his fingers together as he waits for her response. Spinel brings a finger over her opened mouth and makes a small gagging noise. _Please, just shatter me._

“Well, I just started school this week, so my schedule’s gonna be a bit hectic— b-but we’ll see! I promise I’ll stop by Beach City— if not, expect me during Winter Break, okay?!”

Steven nods. “Remember to pack a bag— I told you I want you to sleep over... with me.”

Connie blushes. “Maybe... I can’t really resist that request when you’re undressed like that for me, heh.”

Spinel really just wants to slam her head against the door multiple times right now.

“But... what about Spinel?” Spinel tenses up as she hears her name, and hides again. “She’s... kinda clingy, isn’t she?” she says as she remembers how she previously acted around Steven.

“Oh, I’ll just tell her we need some alone time again. Maybe I can ask her to wait in the garden, haha. That’ll finally keep her still, if you know what I mean,” he chokes up, trying not to laugh. 

What the fuck?

Connie giggles, remembering the memory— “Oh, gosh, that whole thing was insane! I still get nightmares about her.” Steven finally laughs with her, as they make fun of Spinel and her outbursts, and all the crazy things she’s done since she arrived in Beach City. 

Spinel winces. Oh, even if Spinel fled Homeworld to start a new life, she’s still the fucking clown, isn’t she?

There’s no way Steven’s gonna fall in love with her.

Of course Pink Diamond’s son would joke about that. They’re practically one and the same— what was she thinking, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Hey, you know what? Connie can keep Pink Diamond— she was gonna lose Steven against her anyway, with her superior intelligence and athletic prowess and everything. Steven’s never gonna bat an eye towards Spinel at this point, especially since she knows they’re promised to eachother now.

_ Winner takes all_ , right?

Spinel abruptly opens the door, and slams it as hard as she can behind her as she stomps out, startling Steven.

“Huh?” he turns around— Was that Spinel?

Spinel walks out the door and heads to Beach City to cool off. 

Steven’s just so full of shit, isn’t he. He says they’re meant to be together, that he’s saving her from the Diamonds. That he’ll help her overcome her trauma, only for him to use it as the butt of his joke for his stupid girlfriend behind her back.

And for what, to seem witty and cool for a girl who’s way out of his league?

Fuck this. 

Spinel walks down the street, finally in the middle of town, muttering nonsense about Steven. She’s visibly tense, and is getting angrier each minute. 

She can’t believe how much time she wasted on such a jerk like Steven— he puts up this front that he’s this compassionate healer who helps everyone and who everyone just _adores_ , when in reality he’s so conceited that he uses problems he solved as jokes in conversation. That’s how he sees the traumas he’s helped people relieve— so insignificant, so easy to him, so forgettable, that they’re jokeable now. 

Steven casually jokes about her trauma, while Spinel has to relive it in her mind every single day. 

Who cares that his mom trapped Spinel in a garden for six thousand years, right? It’s not his trauma or his problem, so it’s funny now! 

Spinel grits her teeth even harder, and is burning up, and as she nears closer to a bakery she sees a trashcan next to the building and— _AGH!_

Spinel punches the trash can to the floor. She keeps yelling, enraged, as she kicks it multiple times, denting it as hard she can.

Spinel hears a bell chime, as someone busts open a door and rushes outside to catch her. 

“Hey, watch it!” he shouts. 

Huh? Spinel looks at him, and backs up, frightened, until he gets a good look at her face and— 

“Oh. It’s you,” says Lars.

Spinel blinks rapidly— do I know you?

“I’ve seen you around a few times... aren’t you Steven’s friend?” Were. Were Steven’sfriend, she thinks to herself as she rolls her eyes. 

“Y-Yeah, I am. I’m... I’m sorry! I’m so sorry for kickin’ your trash can, I was just really pissed off, and—“

“Hey, it’s cool, don’t sweat it. I’ve kicked it a few times when I’m mad too, hah,” he says aloofly. He seems... so cool. How come she hadn’t seen him around?

“You’re pink too, huh,” he comments, as he gets a better look at her in the dark. 

She sure as hell wishes she weren’t.

“Are... you a gem too? You look like you’re from Pink’s court— so am I!” 

“Uh, no no— I’m not a gem. I’m a human, kinda, b-but I died and was revived.” 

“Oh, how?” she asks. 

“By Steven,” he says. “Like two years ago.” 

Spinel rolls the eyes to the back of her head. Ugh, he’s everywhere! — she doesn’t just need to leave the beach house, she needs to ditch Beach City too. 

“So uh... what are you doing here, uh—“ he drags his sentence on, trying to remember her name, or at least guess it based off her gem.

“Spinel,” she replies. “I’m Spinel.”

“Cool. Lars,” he responds. 

“And uh, I just... wanted ta’ go for a walk, I guess. Get some fresh air,” she says awkwardly.

Lars smoothly sweeps his hair to the side to see her— oh, that’s attractive. 

“Y-You wanna come inside the shop? I’m just about to close, but I have leftover cupcakes.”

“Ooh!” Spinel clasps her hands excitedly and follows him inside. 

“I... like your tattoos,” he says as he guides her inside. “Pretty sick.”

Spinel touched her cheek— she supposed her scars are tattoos now, at least to humans. “Y-Yeah, thanks,” she looks down shyly.

Maybe... she could use a break from Steven. He’s still with Connie, after all. 

Lars starts picking out cupcakes for Spinel and putting them in a box behind the counter— “This is my bakery, I make goods. Like cupcakes, brownies, cookies, cakes, et cetera,” he explains. “Oh, and we serve breakfast, coffee, and tea too.”

Spinel paces around the shop, looking around. It’s so nice here— “Way nicer than the Big Donut,” she mumbles to herself. 

“Pffff— yeah, I used to work there, actually. That place is a dump!” Spinel perks her head up— “Ugh, I know! The coffee is so tasteless too.”

“Exactly!” he says. “And it’s so dirty too, I always hated being there. I’m glad I finally have my own place though...” He adds. “So uh, how old are you?”

“Six thousand,” she responds nonchalantly. 

Lars laughs. “Hah, nice. I’m twenty-two. If that means anything.”

“My age doesn’t... weird you out?” she tilts her head. Usually when she shares her age people run away thinking she’s insane. 

“Nah— I hang out with gems, like, all the time. I even go into space sometimes too, going on missions across the cosmos,” he says, leaning on the counter in attempts to impress Spinel. 

Spinel’s mouth gapes. “Wow-wee! That’s so cool! Wish I could do that.”

“Y-Yeah,” he chuckles. “I go on adventures with my crew, other gems, and we go from planet to planet finding treasure and fighting monsters and stuff— oh, and we also rescue refugees and bring them back to Earth or Homeworld.”

Spinel nods— gee, he sure is interesting! 

“Were you from Homeworld? Or, or were you made on Earth like Amethyst?” 

Spinel wraps herself, unsure of what to say. “I-I was from Homeworld, I worked for uh... the Diamonds.”

Lars immediately tenses up, and whispers— “The Diamonds?!” Spinel winces... guess he isn’t oblivious to their tyranny either. 

Spinel tries to cover for herself— she can’t let her opportunity to make a new friend go to waste!

“Yeah, but I left. Snuck out. It was like, super lame anyway,” she shrugs it off, trying to seem cool for Lars.

“Oh, t-that’s awesome. I got scared for a second, I thought you were like a spy, or something, ha.” 

Lars takes the box and gestures her to leave, as he closes the shop door and locks it, retiring for the night. 

Spinel waits for him outside— he has a box of cupcakes for her, and gives them to her. “Here. These are for you— on the house. I hope this puts you in a better mood.”

Spinel blushes as she takes them, looking up at Lars. “T-Thank you.” He... is so considerate.

Spinel opens the box to admire the cupcakes— all pink, just like her. Lars clears his throat to catch her attention again, after a silence. 

“Hey, so uh... if it isn’t weird, I was hoping to see you again sometime— you seem rad.” Oh?

”Do you think we can meet up during one of my breaks, or maybe you can stop by again tomorrow? I can make you coffee, or something,” he says casually.

Seems he’s way better at this whole flirting thing now.

“I noticed you were upset, too— if you need someone to vent to, Spinel, I’m here.”

Wow. 

“I-I, sure! Thank you, I’ll def—“ suddenly, Spinel feels a hand on her shoulder, sending shivers down her spine. _Huh...?_

“Oh, hey Steven!” Lars lifts his chin up. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Hi, Lars,” Steven says coldly, holding Spinel closer. He suddenly has a change of attitude as he looks down at Spinel— “Babe, there you are! I was looking everywhere for you.”

_ Babe?! _

Steven wraps his arms over her, pulling her to lean on him, her back rubbing against his shirt. Lars panics and takes a few steps away from her.

“Ah, my bad dude. Didn’t know you were dating someone else— I’ll back off.” Dating?! 

“Don’t sweat it, man. I’ll see you around,” Steven wraps his arm around Spinel’s shoulders— making her jolt— and guides her back home, waving off to Lars. 

After some distance from Lars so he doesn’t overhear, Spinel finally speaks up. “H-Hey, you didn’t let me say goodbye to that guy— I liked him.”

Steven chuckles lifelessly. 

“Spinel.. you’re with me, remember? I said I’d look after you— so why do you need anyone else?” he says as he keeps walking with her.

Huh?

“W-Why did you imply to Lars that we were datin’? I wanted to see him tomorrow— he invited me for coffee.”

“You’re not seeing anyone tomorrow, Spinel. We’re going home.”

Spinel looks down, getting heated. She clenches her fists, holding back tears— why was she suddenly getting so emotional?

“Did... you just not like me talkin’ to him, or? Why do you care who I’m with so much, anyway?” 

“Spinel... I seperated you two because he’s just gonna abandon you, like Pink did.” 

Spinel’s breath hikes. No way. 

“Wh-What? That can’t be true— he seemed so nice!” 

“Oh, but it is. After this, he’s going back to space with the off-colors, onto another grand adventure to another galaxy— just to forget all about you,” he says apathetically.

That... breaks Spinel’s heart. She was really looking forward to getting to know him. 

“He did it before, actually. With this girl, Sadie— it was so sad. They had known eachother for years and saw eachother everyday at work— they had huge crushes on eachother— but then he ditched her to go explore another planet, leaving her alone.”

Oh, no.

”Sounds familiar, doesn’t it, Spinel,” he concludes. 

Spinel shuts her eyes in defeat. “Y-Yes.” She clings tightly to his arm, stronger than ever, and Steven really can’t help but smile at the sight as she starts crying, whimpering over his jacket.

He almost looks satisfied breaking her like this, but she doesn’t notice. 

Maybe Steven was right— she should stick by him instead, he’s the safer option. Even if he mocked her trauma, he still cares about her, right? Maybe it was just a mistake— and maybe there was still hope for their relationship after all.

Steven suddenly lets go of her, making her walk behind him. 

_ Steven...? Come back! I need you!  _

She thought... he wanted to hold her? Was— was that all performative just to get Lars to back off? 

Tsk, tsk, tsk. 

Oh Spinel— if only you knew about Steven’s uncontrollable desire to feel needed, and to have others depend on him this way.

How ironic is it that Steven hated Spinel relying on him, hated how she forced him to help her every single time, only for him to create new problems for her just to feel needed by someone. 

And the lonelier he is, the worse it’ll get.

He’ll do anything to have someone, even just one person, depend on him, and _solely_ on him— and he can’t have Spinel running off to other protective men like Lars, right? After all, with Connie gone and the galaxy saved, what was the great and powerful Steven Universe going to do to pass the time and feel fulfilled now? 

Now what’s left is innocent, loving, stupid Spinel by his side. 

Steven knew what he was doing when he pushed her away — he wanted Spinel to follow him and beg to be held and comforted by him again, again, and again, just so he can torture her like that repeatedly, only to be asked to save her again.

Pink Diamond needed his followers, after all. 

***

They near the beach house, and Spinel is seen clinging onto his hand with a sole finger as she follows— seeking even the slightest bit of comfort from him, after begging him to touch her again— but he doesn’t even bat an eye. 

He’s the only one she’s got now. Maybe if she asks a few more times, he’ll finally hold her again? 

Please?

Spinel’s decision that night ruined any chance of Lars dating Spinel at any point— leaving the gem savior Steven Universe to have her for himself. 

And then they go in, concluding the day.

Go on, Spinel. Show him that solvable problem. 

Steven can’t wait to help her again like he did the other day— as he’s so, so desperate to feel needed again, _especially_ after abandoning the homeschool, a place that required his guidance everyday.

He finally got what he wanted— a new game to play.

_Winner takes all_ , right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❗️❗️ABORT THE FIC ABORT THE FIC ABORT THE FIC ❗️❗️
> 
> i just wanted to clarify that steven did not pretend to be spinels boyfriend bc he was crushing on spinel and was jealous of her and lars potentially dating.
> 
> steven did that because he didnt want lars near spinel, period— steven realized that spinel practically came running to another person for support after steven had angered her and he just couldnt STAND spinel, or anyone really, depending on someone who wasn’t him.
> 
> that is to say, steven’s manipulating her relationships so she stays alone and has no choice but to stay with him— that way, as steven needs to be needed, he can now be the one to help spinel and solve all her problems, NOT lars or anyone else. after losing connie and the school, steven is clinging onto spinel and all her issues for dear life.
> 
> ***
> 
> Alternatively, I was waiting for the perfect moment to introduce Steven’s ugly side— his jealous, possessive, and controlling nature. I feel that since Rose Quartz was pretty manipulative, and always hovering over Pearl as she never “left her sight”, I feel Steven and Spinel’s relationship would be similar, since Pink owned her, yet even darker.
> 
> Steven wants to right his mother’s wrongs, and he THINKS the way he’s doing it is the best way to correct his mother’s mistakes, by towering over Spinel at all times. After all, Pink’s so terrible while Steven’s the gem savior, so what could he do wrong? He’ll never doubt his terrible actions because he firmly believes he’s morally superior to everyone else, and he’ll never question them because he’s always using his mother as a frame of reference. He’s trying to make up for Pink’s bad actions by being protective over Spinel, but he’s going way overboard, and I hint at this in the previous chapter: when Steven told Spinel they were meant to be together, he didn’t mean romantically— but Pink Diamond Steven interpreted that differently, and is now forcing Spinel to be at his side at all times. Pink Diamond Steven just takes regular Steven’s advice to the very extremes.
> 
> While Pink hated how dependent and clingy she was, in opposition Steven craves that now, wanting to control her. This is hinted at when he gives her the pajamas and gives her essential oils— he wants to make her feel childish and inferior to him, and in regards to the oils, he wants her to mellow out so she doesn’t dominate him again. He also just takes pleasure in controlling Spinel because he wants to erase her “Spade” persona and exact revenge on her for what she did to him in Menagerie. So even though Steven forgives her, Pink Diamond Steven does not. 😳😳
> 
> Steven and Spinel’s relationship is definitely a reversal to Pink’s and Spinel’s— while Pink had left Spinel to start a colony and move on with her life, Steven abandons HIS “colony” aka lil’ Homeworld and wants to return to Spinel. All of his toxic behavior shown in this chapter is very unlike him, sure, but it’s really just his intrusive thoughts and darkest desires finally shining through, exposing themselves, thanks to Pink Diamond’s gem that’s been changing him into a monster. Not to mention, this was all triggered because Steven was talking to Connie and hearing all her accomplishments, meaning he didn’t feel needed anymore— and everyone else was abandoning him— so he turns to the closest person who’s also very vulnerable. 
> 
> *  
> new chapter tomorrow— finally gonna write about the ball. thanks for reading!!


	33. Turning Pages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel visit the library at Little Homeworld.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was initially a shitpost and a filler but now its actually relevant to the plot lmao. Fuck
> 
> also 90K WORDS?????? GUYS, THIS FIC IS NOWHERE NEAR DONE— ITS TOTALLY GONNA BE 200K WORDS.
> 
> i retitled some chapters check em out

𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟖𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖.

It was late in the afternoon, and Little Homeschool was nearly prepared to close for the day. Steven had been running it all week, teaching classes and supervising teachers, exhausted, and was very eager to reward himself for the day. 

Spinel had been following Steven around the whole time— at his insistence, as he wanted Spinel to not only familiarize herself with Little Homeworld, but he also hoped he’d see the appeal in it. A place for gems of all kinds, big or small, strong or weak, to seek refuge and build a new life for themselves— something he hoped Spinel would do.

It was wonderful. 

Steven packed his backpack for the day and gestured Spinel to go follow him out his office. As he walks across Little Homeworld, several gems wave hello and goodbye to him, calling his name. 

Seems like he really was the prince of Earth and its gem colony after all. 

His demeanor was also wildly different from last night’s— he seemed much kinder than before. Spinel tried to bring up what happened with him, but he had no idea what she was talking about. Spinel had no idea what was going on.

Steven guides Spinel into a small building— the school’s library. Here, gems can study all kinds of things and learn anything about human culture, history, and way of life. He was looking forward to pick up a book to read, and he wanted Spinel to get into reading, too. 

They enter the bookstore, to see a Sapphire running it. She was very studious and loved to read, so Steven felt she was best fit for the job. 

“Hi, Sapphire!”

“Oh, hello Steven. And hello Spinel,” she says.

“Uh... how’d ya know my name? I neva’  told ya it,” she asks. 

“I just know,” she chuckles sweetly, referring to her clairvoyance. 

“We’re just here to check out a book real quick, Sapphire.” 

Steven walks closer to the bookshelves and scans the rows, looking for a book that might pique his or Spinel’s interest. 

Spinel looks around the library, admiring the hundreds of books— wow, the Homeschool really was a wondrous place. 

“Aha!” Steven says. He grabs a book and hands it to Spinel. “Here, Spinel. I want you to read it.”

“Read it?” she whispers. Spinel was literate, sure, but she barely ever read for pleasure, as she was always meant to be by Pink’s side, entertaining her for years. 

“Yeah, check this out,” Steven sits down on an couch and opens the book, turning pages, and Spinel sits and shifts closer to him, observing it. 

“It’s a book of European fairy tales,” he says. He skims through the pages and points at all the illustrations. Spinel gasps in amazement. 

“Oooh! What kinda stories are there?” she asks, clinging onto him gently. 

“Well...” he mumbles as he returns to one of the first pages: “There’s Alice in Wonderland, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid...” he reads to her.

“Is there Cinderella? You said you liked Cinderella, didn’t cha?” she urges, smiling brightly. 

Steven chuckles. “Y-Yeah, there’s Cinderella. It’s my favorite, as girly and childish as that sounds.”

That’s not a problem— Spinel likes girly and childish. 

After they had agreed to pick the book, Steven closes the book and stands up, and walks toward the counter, returning to Sapphire. Spinel trails along him excitedly. “Okay, Sapphire, we’d like to check out this one,” he says as he hands it to her. He also notices there’s a new books shelf, and he picks up a random one for himself. “Oh, and this one,” he concludes.

Sapphire scans the books for him and returns them to his hands— Steven looks down at Spinel who was next to him and hands her the fairytale collection. “Here, Spinel. Remember to return it once you’re done; you can also check out another one the next time you come, too.” 

Spinel gasps and takes it. “Ah, shucks. Thanks buddy!” she smiles. 

“No problem.” Steven waves goodbye to Sapphire and heads out the door, walking back to the car with Spinel behind. She’s lagging behind a bit, staring down at the book.

The illustrations are so pretty... as she skims through them, looking at all the characters, she can’t help but picture her and Steven portraying the protagonists.

“Spinel,” Steven says as he notices her drifting away. Huh? He extends his hand, asking her to hold it. She shuts the book and catches up to him. “I don’t want you getting lost.” 

They walked together. Steven liked holding hands— he never saw it as anything romantic, much to Spinel’s disappointment. Just a guy guiding his distracted and dazed friend back to his car. 

“You like it, huh?” he asks, and Spinel nods. How thoughtful of him to pick out such a good book for her— she can’t wait to read it at home! 

Steven opens the door for her side, prompting her to go in, and shuts it so he heads to his side. He turns on the ignition and starts driving, turning on the radio.

After some silence due to focusing on driving, he finally speaks— “I actually donated that book.”

Spinel looks up at him, “Huh? Ya did?” 

“Yeah, my mom gave it to me before she died. It was actually for Nora.” 

Spinel shifts her head in confusion. “Nora? Who’s Nora?” she asks. Better not be another girlfriend! 

“She’s me— Nora’s what my name would have been if I were born a girl. So she got her that book of fairy tales and princesses as a present. Pearl would read it to me like, all the time, as she didn’t care it was feminine,” he says.

Spinel opens the book and skims through the pages. It was definitely used, and a bit dusty. 

“My favorite was Cinderella— cuz, ya know. Stepmother and stepsisters.”

“Huh? I don’t get it.” 

“Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl, haha? We’d joke that they were the evil stepmother and stepsisters. And Cinderella had little mice who made a dress for her, kinda how the pebbles did for me. Oh, and Cinderella’s a serf who becomes royalty, which is pretty much the story of my life, hah. But my mom’s favorite was Sleeping Beauty.”

“Oh, really? Why’s that?” 

“You know, ‘cause she liked roses. Oh, and the whole alter ego thing.”

“What do you mean?” Spinel wasn’t too familiar with the story. 

“Ah, well... Sleeping Beauty was born as the princess of the kingdom, like Pink was, but after being cursed by an evil fairy she had to forge a new identity and live outside the kingdom walls— in a small cottage in the forest as Little Briar Rose, a peasant girl.” 

“She lived with three good fairies— sound familiar, eh?” Spinel nods. “Andshe always thought she was just a subject of the princess, but in fact she was the princess all along. She meets a prince in the forest and he saves her from the evil fairy’s spell— she was cursed to sleep for a hundred years within a castle and garden full of thorns. But the prince rescues her and breaks the spell of course,” he explains as he drives.

This... all seems to sound very familiar to Spinel. As if her life paralleled the book— and naturally, she’s eager to learn how how the story ends. “How does he break the spell?”

Steven chuckles, “you’ll have to read the story to find out,” he says playfully, urging her to actually read the book.

Huh. Spinel buries herself in her seat, wondering what the fairytale ending could be. 

Maybe he sings to her and wakes up to one of his stupid songs,  annoyed— like _she_ would— she giggles to herself. Or maybe she hears his message to the universe on loop through a hologram and snaps out of it, prompting her to chase after him and try to kill him. 

Okay, scratch that one. 

They finally arrive home, and Spinel hops out the car. The sun had completely set on the way there. “I’m gonna take a shower, okay?” he says as he brushes his hand against her shoulder, heading inside. 

“O-Okay,” she says as she clasps the book tighter to control her anxiety. He-he’s too close!

They open the door, and Spinel skips up the stairs to Steven’s bedroom. She quickly jumps on the bed and leans against the headboard, opening the book. 

While Steven was showering, Spinel read Snow White, Cinderella, and Rapunzel. 

As Spinel read, she couldn’t help but notice parallels between the stories and Steven’s life. I mean, first of all, he was a prince who lived with a stepfamily at one point— and soon, as more members arrived, she lived with seven gems— Pearl, Amethyst, Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, and Ruby and Sapphire— seven gems exactly, just like how Snow White lived with the seven dwarves. 

She also thinks back to Pink’s life and notices the similarities as well— after all, Pink had been locked away in a tower for most of her life, singing her sadness away, much like Rapunzel did. 

It seems that Steven and Rose’s life parallels these stories to some extent. As she analyzed the text, Spinel couldn’t help but wonder how she fits into the puzzle, though.

Maybe that’s how Spinel will get Steven to fall in love with her— if they reenact the stories, maybe his memories of being her prince once upon a dream will return!

She rapidly skims through the chapters, trying to piece more of the chapters together, and based off the title, she doesn’t understand how Steven could be associated with Beauty and the Beast.

I mean, he’s so handsome, and such an compassionate, kind person! He’d never act beastly and cruel to her— nor would he ever lock her up in a prison? 

A vase in Steven’s room with a single pale rose loses a petals as if falls on the desk. 

Suddenly, the door opens after twenty minutes. It was Steven— simply wrapped in his towel, shirtless. Spinel stops breathing at the sight of him, obviously. 

“H-Hey, Spinel— I’m sorry, I totally forgot my clothes—“ he says, embarassed. He quickly reaches his dresser and grabs a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. 

Spinel observes him as he has his back turned on her. 

He’s so... athletic now, she thinks as she notices the contours of his muscles. His hair is still wet, and he smells like roses, and she takes whiff and— 

“Sorry again,” he says as he heads out and closes the door behind him. 

Spinel crosses her arms in frustration. Well, that sucks. She couldn’t even get a good whiff of him! Creepy as that is.

Spinel was about to read Sleeping Beauty to see how the story ends, but she suddenly got sleepy just thinking about it. 

Ironic, no? 

She sighs and flips through the pages of the storybook one last time, admiring the drawings, just to— ah!— until she accidentally cuts her finger and starts bleeding. 

Ouch, paper cut. 

Spinel closes the book and puts it on the night table, just as Steven comes in. 

Spinel is seen rubbing her finger on her shirt, trying to clean it off— but she just ends up staining her shirt with a bit of red. 

She winces at the subtle stinging sensation— she never knew a paper cut could hurt so much! Not a very good thing to experience as a new reader— after all, this was her first book ever.

As Steven tucks himself across from her, he notices she pricked her finger. He chuckles, unable to believe she did that— “Pfff, are you gonna sleep on me for a hundred years, Sleeping Beauty?” 

_Beauty?!?!_

Spinel composes herself. “Wh-What, no! It was just a papercut, I don’t k-know what happened, I swear the paper like, attacked me— I don’t get why it hurts so much!”

“Ah, yeah. Those are the worst. I swear my smallest paper cuts hurt more than my battle wounds,” he jokes. Oh, that’s funny! Spinel giggles.

“Here, I can help,” he says as he sits on the bed and shifts himself closer, gently taking her hand. Spinel gets flustered, completely taken aback— Whaaaaa?!

Steven looks down at her finger. “This... is never not weird, ahah,” he laughs lifelessly. 

Suddenly, Steven takes her finger and— and puts it in his mouth?!?!?!

Oh my god, he’s sucking her finger so unabashedly!?!?!— and totally sending chills down Spinel’s body right that moment.

She swears she feels her hair frizz up like static at his touch— and she wants to forego the feeling of his tongue on her finger, shutting her eyes, but— 

It’s... so warm, and she can feel his healing spit heal her, magically closing up her wound. She looks down at him as he finishes, letting her finger go. 

The cut has been healed, and the pain has gone away— “Better?” he mumbles with a raspy voice. Spinel blushes, burying herself in her pillow again. “Y-Yeah. Thanks.” 

“No problem— what are friends for,” he smiles at her as he shuts off the light and tucks himself in. 

Spinel shuts her eyes and cringes. Oh, this fairy tale just became a nightmare. How is it that he does all these romantic, and even subliminally sexual things to her and NOT see her as more than a friend?

Spinel shuts off her light and buries herself under the covers again, drifting away to sleep, in hopes of dreaming pleasant things about her new fairytale stories. 

***

It’s early in the morning, and Spinel arrives early to Little Homeworld. As the birds chirp and the wind blows in her hair, she begins to speak as she walks.

_ “Lil’ Homeworld... _

_ It’s a quiet colony.  _

_ Every day, like the one before. _

_ Lil’ Homeshool, _

_ full of little students! _

_ Meeting up to say...” _

Suddenly, numerous gems appear— eager to start their day at the school.  


“Hello! Hello! Hello, hello! Hello!” 

Spinel paces through the school, observing her surroundings— there goes the first painting class of the day.

“There goes Vidalia with her art, like always. The same old meep n’ morps ta’ sell!”

_ ”Every morning just the same,  _

_ Since the morning that we came _

_ To this poor, inferior homeworld...” _

Spinel nears Sapphire, who seems to be unfused, who greets her.

"Good Morning, Spinel!"

"Morning, Sapphire."

"Where are you off to?"

"The library. I just finished the most wonderful story, ‘tis bout a sleeping beauty and three fairies and a..." Sapphire gets distracted as she sees Ruby slacking off, and starts chasing after her.

“That's nice,” says Sapphire who begins walking away from Spinel.

“Ruby! The yoga mats! Hurry up!" shouts Sapphire aggressively. 

Spinel shrugs, and continues her stroll through the colony. Dozens of gems of all kinds observe her.

_ “Look there she goes that gem is strange, no question, _

_Dazed and distracted, can't you tell?”_ mutters an Aquamarine.

_ “Never part of any crowd, _

_ 'Cause her head's up on Blue’s clouds _

_No denying she's a funny girl, Spinel!”_ comments a Lapis Lazuli. 

“Hello!”

“Good day.”

“How are your classes?”

“Hello...”

“Good day!”

“How is your teacher?”

“I need, six phones!” shouts Pearl as she prepares her technology class. 

“That's too expensive!” groans Peridot. 

Spinel sighs— “There must be more than this colonial life!” as she finally arrives at the bookstore. She opens up, to see the same Sapphire from yesterday.

"Ah, Spinel. Just in time as I predicted,” she says, clasping her gloved hands together.

"Good Mornin’! I've come ta’ return tha’ book I borrowed."

"Finished already?"

"Oh, I couldn't put it down. Have ya got anythin’ new?" asks Spinel eagerly, as she puts the book back in its spot in the shelf, as she remembered.

"Not since yesterday,” she chuckles, amazed at her speed. Spinel paces in front of the bookshelves, until she picks out a book. "That's all right.”

“I'll borrow... this one!"

"That one? But it’s the same book you just put away!" responds Sapphire.

"Well, it's my favorite! Far off places, d aring swordfights, magic spells, a prince in disguise..."

"If you like it all that much, it's yours!"

"But Sapphire..."

"I insist."

"Ah, gee, thanks! Thank you very much!" Spinel waves goodbye to Sapphire and heads out the door, opening the book and reading it as she walks, looking down. 

More gems notice her, and gossip about Spinel’s strangeness among eachother.

_ “Look, there she goes that gem is so peculiar!” _

_ “I wonder if she's feeling well,”  _ adds another gem.

_ “With a creepy, stand-offish look, _

_ And her nose stuck in a book, _

_What a puzzle to the rest of us, Spinel!”_ they say.

Spinel arrives to the center of Little Homeworld, and sits by the fountain, surrounded by various small gems— mainly Heaven Beetles, who climb up her shoulders and thighs and observe her book.

_“Oh, isn't this amazin’...?”_ Spinel sighs dreamily, bringing the book to her chest for a moment only to guide the gems through the pages.

_“It's my fav'rite part because... you'll see!”_ She keeps on turning pages, and finally points at an illustration of a beautiful princess meeting a handsome prince in a royal garden.

_“Here's... where she meets ‘Pink Diamond’,”_ she grins as she says so, substituting the Prince’s title for Steven’s.

_ “But she won't discover that it's him— _

_'Til chapter thirty-three!”_ she says, daintily standing up. 

She twirls excitedly— daydreaming of her prince as she walks through town.

Gems begin to surround her as she continues walking through Homeworld, once again seeing her reading the book.

_ “Now it's no wonder that that Spinel’s a refugee-e...  _

_As she’s the one, only, Spinel!”_ sings a Ruby gem.

_ “But behind that striped visage,  _

_I'm afraid she's rather odd!”_ says another Ruby. 

The Sapphire, the Peridot, the Lapis, the Aquamarine, and the Heaven Beetles follow along, watching her— and sing in unison.

“ _Very diff'rent from the rest of us,_

_ She's nothing like the rest of us, _

_Yes, diff'rent from the rest of us, Spinel!”_

Alternatively, we see that Lars is sitting with the off-colors on a picnic bench. He’s surrounded by the Rutile twins, Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum— Fluorite, the caterpillar— Rhodonite, whose rose motifs resemble the singing rose from the garden— and finally, the Padparascha who’s always late.

Seems like Little Homeworld is wonderful after all. Wonderland-iful, if you will.   


Would he be A Lars in Wonderland?

"Wow! This ube is great, Lars!  You're the greatest baker in all of Beach City!" comments Rhodonite.

"I know,” mutters Lars, too busy looking at Spinel who passes by.

"No cookbook stands a chance  against you. And no gem, for that matter,” adds Padparascha.

"It's true, Padparascha. And I've got my sights set on that one,” he points at the distracted Spinel.

"Huh? Pink Diamond’s jester?" ask the twins simultaneously. 

Lars stands up, revealing his military attire, boots, and his elegant cape. It seems he had just returned from a heroic space adventure— eager to impress Spinel.

"She's the one... The gem I'm going to date!” 

"But she's..." says a Rutile.

"The pinkest girl in town,” finishes Lars. 

"I know, but..." says the other Rutile.

"That makes her the best. And don't I deserve the best?" he asks.

"W-Well, of course! I mean you d-do, but..." Rhodonite says, anxiously. Lars begins to monologue.

_ “Right from the moment when I met her, saw her, _

_ I said she's off-color and I fell, _

_ Here in Homeworld there's only she, _

_Who is as defective as me,”_ he says, removing one of his black gloves and observing his pink hand.

“So I'm making plans to woo and date Spinel!” he says as he tries to catch up to her. 

A trio of Rubies spot him, and sigh together dreamily at the sight of him.

“Look— there he goes, 

Isn't he dreamy?” they say as they shove each other, trying to get Lars’ attention.

“ _Commander Lars,_

_ Oh, he's so cute! _

_ Be still, my heart, _

_ I'm hardly breathing, _

_He's such a tall, pink, strong and handsome brute!”_ the say collectively as they faint on the floor. 

“Excuse me, coming through!” 

Little Homeworld is currently at rush hour, and several gems have filled the square, all pushing and shoving against eachother as they get to their classes and stations.

”Hey, watch it!”

Lars tries to catch up to her, only to be blocked by the crowd of students.

The gems notice Spinel exiting Little Homeworld, waving goodbye, and conclude their song.

_ “Very diff'rent from the rest of us, _

_ She's nothing like the rest of us, _

_Yes, diff'rent from the rest of us, Spinel!”_

They finally wrap everything up, and before they know it, she’s gone. The gems have all made it to their classes, leaving Lars and the off-colors alone in an empty square, with no Spinel in sight.

Lars sighs at the missed opportunity. He had been eyeing Spinel for days after seeing her around town— but he lost his chance again.

Suddenly, Padparascha appears next to him, and speaks.

“I foresee that the Spinel won’t even know you exist,” she comments belatedly. “And that you won’t be able to find her in the crowd!” she gasps.

Lars groans, and slaps himself in the forehead as he gestures the off-colors to go sit back down and eat.

We see Spinel on the outskirts of the town.

Spinel had been reading her stories the entire time— that’s right, she’s read the stories over and over again! 

Spinel had been imagining herself playing the role of the heroine in each story, with Steven as her prince. Gee, it’s swell to finally meet his and her other selves...

Spinel closes the book and hugs it tightly, bringing it to her chest. She sighs romantically as she thinks of Steven... Mmm. 

Until suddenly, she feels someone nudge her. 

“Uh, Spinel?”

Oh, how he loves when he says her name. She sighs... 

“Spinel? Spinel, um—“

Huh? 

Spinel flutters her eyes open— it was the middle of the night— and she finds herself cuddling against Steven, clinging onto him.

“Ah!” Spinel squeaks, letting him go. She lifts herself up. “I’m sawry— I’m sawry!” she says as her accent intensifies anxiously— it was all a dream!

“It’s cool, Spinel, don’t worry about it,” he says in a friendly, albeit sleepy way as to not worry her. “Goodnight,” he says as he shifts to the other side, falling back asleep.

Spinel sighs, and looks at the night table— she remembered she didn’t finish Sleeping Beauty. 

Spinel grabs the small flashlight by her and hides under the cover to read it, and finally reaches the ending. She trembles in excitement as she skims the text.

It reads:

❦ 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔓𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔴𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝔬𝔫 𝔣𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔤𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔱 𝔥𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔞𝔴 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔥𝔬𝔩𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔱 𝔩𝔶𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔞𝔰𝔩𝔢𝔢𝔭, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔲𝔭 𝔟𝔶 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔫𝔢 𝔩𝔞𝔶 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔮𝔲𝔢𝔢𝔫. 𝔗𝔥𝔢𝔫 𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝔬𝔫 𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔣𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔰𝔬 𝔮𝔲𝔦𝔢𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔞 𝔟𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔡, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔱 𝔩𝔞𝔰𝔱 𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔞𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔢𝔯, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔬𝔭𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔡𝔬𝔬𝔯 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔱𝔩𝔢 𝔯𝔬𝔬𝔪 𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔟𝔯𝔦𝔞𝔯-𝔯𝔬𝔰𝔢 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔰𝔩𝔢𝔢𝔭𝔦𝔫𝔤. 

Here it comes! Spinel squeals under the covers, rubbing her thighs together to calm herself down.

❦ 𝔗𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔰𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔞𝔶, 𝔰𝔬 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔣𝔲𝔩 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔢𝔶𝔢𝔰 𝔞𝔴𝔞𝔶, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔬𝔭𝔢𝔡 𝔡𝔬𝔴𝔫 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔤𝔞𝔳𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔞 𝔨𝔦𝔰𝔰. 𝔅𝔲𝔱 𝔞𝔰 𝔰𝔬𝔬𝔫 𝔞𝔰 𝔥𝔢 𝔨𝔦𝔰𝔰𝔢𝔡 𝔥𝔢𝔯, 𝔟𝔯𝔦𝔞𝔯-𝔯𝔬𝔰𝔢 𝔬𝔭𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔡 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔢𝔶𝔢𝔰 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔴𝔬𝔨𝔢, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔩𝔬𝔬𝔨𝔢𝔡 𝔞𝔱 𝔥𝔦𝔪 𝔮𝔲𝔦𝔱𝔢 𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱𝔩𝔶. ❦

Oh...? 

She was lifted from the curse— by true love’s kiss! She can’t believe it, how romantic! 

Spinel can’t help but blush as she remembers she always pictured Steven as her prince— but then she realizes—

Spinel looks down at the sleeping Steven, who had shifted and now faced her with closed eyes, wondering why he omitted the ending. 

Did he not want to spoil the finale to the story for her...?

Spinel shakes her head as she realizes she got distracted, and returns to her book. 

She keeps on turning pages, reading and re-reading the tale of Sleeping Beauty over and over again until she drifts back to sleep beside Steven. 

This time, she likes how the story ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *writes steven fucking spinel senseless* 😴 💤 💤 i sleep  
> me: *writes steven sucking spinel’s finger solely to heal her* 😳🥵💞😳🥵💗😳😱🤤💞 omg
> 
> it cant be a coincidence that spinel rhymes with belle like hello!!!!!! i had to
> 
> thanks for 3k views everyone !! ^w^


	34. Is This How It Works?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Am I Doing It Right?_ | Steven takes Spinel to the roller rink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i enjoyed writing this so much?? probs one of my new favs. enjoy <3
> 
> thanks for 100 kudos ^__^ gaining them is so slow on here idk why. plz leave kudos if u havent 😢

𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖.

It was finally Friday, and Steven was prepared to make the most of his weekend after volunteering at Little Homeschool all week.

Even if he doesn’t necessarily run it anymore, he still stops by from time to time to help the new arrivals adjust, and he also supervises classes and acts as a teacher’s assistant sometimes.

Spinel had actually started warming up to Little Homeschool a bit— she initially felt ashamed to be there because, much like the other gems there, they were Homeworld’s rejects— d isorganized Pearls who were abandoned by their impatient owners, weak Rubies who lost their jobs, and defective Sapphires who couldn’t see the future correctly, and so on.

As someone who was deserted by Pink Diamond, she couldn’t help but feel that the place was a reminder of her failures, and a reminder of her flaws— it felt like a rehabilitation center in some aspects, honestly— and just the fact that Steven suggested she goes there really grinded her gears, because it implied that she needed “help” or guidance from the Crystal Gems. She didn’t need anybody— she was just fine before, and is doing great now... so why would he want her there? 

Nevertheless, much to Spinel’s chagrin, Little Homeschool wasn’t a zoo or a menagerie like she thought after all. 

Steven managed to rid Homeworld of all the tourists, with the help of the Ruby guards, who FINALLY had a legitamate job after following around Nanafua who was literally never in danger of any harm, ever. 

That way, all the gems, including Spinel, could feel more comfortable— and in terms, they became more comfortable sharing their abilities, and their stories, and their passions, and their flaws: welcoming Spinel with open arms.

Even though Spinel initially wanted to see the school burn to the ground, with her criticism the school actually changed for the better, ironically.

Steven couldn’t help but notice that Spinel had trouble making new friends, though. After all, her only friend was Steven— and even though Steven was usually occupied when working at the school, he always checked on Spinel to see if she was okay.

He... didn’t have to do any of that though. 

So why did he... care so much about Spinel’s potential friendships and wellbeing? 

She could take care of herself, right?

Sometimes Spinel would find herself all alone, and Steven would slyly ask the nearest gems to her to introduce themselves to her— but it really wasn’t that successful, as Spinel expressed that she’d rather just spend time with Steven every time.

Spinel was... much calmer now, than before, thankfully. Steven had squeezed her into a yoga class— which she had no problem taking, obviously, and a painting course with Vidalia. These two exponentially helped improve her mood— which is fantastic, as Steven really didn’t want to see her lash out like that like before, knowing that if she were to do it again, she’d get kicked out of the beach house by the gems. 

And he can’t have that happening. 

Regardless, Steven and Spinel were in the car, driving to the outskirts of Beach City. Steven had a plan in mind— and figured out the perfect day to spend the weekend. 

“Hey, where we goin’?” asks Spinel, looking behind as she realizes Steven suddenly took a different route than usual. Beach City was sort of starting to grow on her, surprisingly.

“Oh, I thought that since it was the weekend, we could go someplace! I haven’t done this in a while, but I thought we could go roller-blading.”

“Roller-blading? Whas’at?” she says, looking up at him. 

“Oh, right— well...it’s basically just thissport or recreational activity where you put on roller blades, or shoes with wheels on them, and skate around a rink. It’s... pretty hard, to be honest, and it took me months to finally get decent at it, but it was pretty rewarding anyway.” 

He starts rambling: “I felt it kind of did wonders in ways it can’t explain— it helped me overcome a major obstacle in my life, and also helped me organize myself by focusing on a specific hobby or goal for some time, if that makes sense? It was just... therapeutic and helpful for me, dunno why,” he says as he keeps driving, tapping his hands on the wheel to the music.

“I tried to invite Connie, so you could see her and properly meet her, but she can’t make it because she has to stay on campus and work on a project with someone or something. She’s coming later this weekend though, probably tomorrow or Sunday hopefully.” 

“We’re... trying to see if she can make it to my birthday ball on Homeworld on the fifteenth, but it’s on a school night and she has to be back at UJers, so I’m really not sure if that’s possible...” he sighs deeply, knowing how he desperately wanted to spend his time that day with Connie. 

She was the only one who made spending time with the Diamonds bearable for him, he recalls, as he danced and fused with her during that horrible Diamond ball he was forced to be a part of two years ago.

Spinel just stays quiet. She really doesn’t know what to say— she obviously feels sad to see Steven upset like this, since he’s without Connie, but she’s also kind of relieved she won’t be able to make it to all of these activities. Winning Steven’s heart was just another game to Spinel after all, and this time, she was giving it her all to win. 

A familiar commercial plays on the radio, and Steven can’t help but chuckle at the memory of Pearl belting in the back seat with Bismuth beside her.

Steven and Spinel finally make it to the parking lot, and the two walk side by side by the entrance. “You’re gonna do great, okay?” assures Steven, as he notices her getting anxious as they near the building.

He opens the doors, and inside is a colorfully illuminated roller rink, with pop music playing. There’s a bar for snacks and sodas, tables to order pizza, and a counter to put on your roller blades.

Everyone’s waiting to enter the rink as it was just cleaned, and a new cycle of people are meant to come in at this hour. 

Steven strides towards the counter and rents two sets of roller blades— he asks Spinel what her shoe size is. 

“Uh... I don’t really change my shoes, buddy.” Steven laughs and looks down at her feet, taking a guess. “Uh...” he mutters, noticing that she’s wearing her giant spiky flat boots, which are enormous on her. 

He just takes a wild guess based on her tiny physique— “Gimme a seven,” he tells the employee in front of them. 

Steven holds both the blades, and scans the room for any place to sit so they can put them on— but the place is packed, and there’s nowhere for them to go. 

“Nowhere to sit...” Steven asks the man at the counter if he can use it as a seat for a minute, and he complies— he puts the shoes on the counter.

Spinel turns around and extends her legs so she can sit herself down, but people suddenly start staring and pointing at her.

Spinel buries her chin down her neck, embarrassed and he senses people looking at them. “Hey, it’s just you and me tonight, okay? Don’t worry about anyone else.” Spinel nods.

Steven takes the rollerblades and takes her shoes off, revealing her tiny feet. He... swore they were bigger, but it seems her boots are just larger to make her seem more intimidating-looking. 

He puts one of them on her, but they don’t fit, so he asks for a six, returning the other pair. He puts them on her and ties them neatly— Spinel can’t help but feel ashamed of being the only adult in the waiting area who needs help tying her shoes— she groans as she notices a child tie them with ease.

“Hey, don’t sweat it, Spinel. You’re a gem— you don’t need to change shoes,” he tells her as he wraps up, paying for their turn. “No shame in not knowing— I can just teach you later, okay? You should have no problem tying things up, hah.”

“Thanks,” she mutters, looking down. He extends his hand to help her, and she hops off safely beside him. “Stay still, okay?” he says as he bends down to tie his own laces. 

The DJ, Sour Cream, talks through the speaker and prompts all the skaters to enter the rink. They wait until they’re the last to go in. 

“Okay, Spinel, give me your hands,” he says as he takes them— he’s skating backwards in front of her, guiding her to the entrance on wheels— she opens her mouth in awe as she glides, a bit giddy. Steven enters the rink, and extends his hands for Spinel to take them.

“There you go,” he says as he holds them. “Alright, just glide forward, left right,” he says as he slowly pulls her with him as they skate. Spinel’s shaking right now, gripping tightly to his hands— but he holds onto her tighter, trying to stabilize her. “Hey, I’m right here. You’re not gonna fall if I’m around, ‘kay?” 

Spinel nods, and Steven takes her around the rink slowly in a circle. She gets shy as she notices people staring at her rosy visage, and gets embarrassed after seeing the same child from before rolling around the rink with ease. She groans as he does a fancy twirl, showing off. Great. 

She goes back to her skating, and fumbles a bit. She sighs in frustration as she picks herself back up...

_ Is this how it works? Is she doing it right? _

Steven chuckles at the sight, and starts to gently let go of her, startling Spinel— “Wuh, wuh, wuh, w-wait!” she squeaks, flailing her arms around in attempts to get Steven back, but he skates farther from her giggling.

“Give it a try on your own, Spinel! I’m gonna do a quick lap on my own around the rink— you’re doing great!” he shouts, cupping his hands to his mouth so he projects his voice louder and dashes off, taunting her.

Spinel tries to catch up to him, but she suddenly starts slowing down. “Wha—?! Why’d I stop?!” she whispers as she starts trembling in place— in the middle of the rink, of all places, and becomes overwhelmed at the sight of all the people skating around her at rapid speeds.

Steven is on the end of the rink, leaning coolly against the barrier, admiring her. He cracks a grin as he watches her struggle, and shakes his head. Tsk, tsk. How weak and helpless the powerful and intimidating Spinel looks now. 

“St-Steven! Get back here!” she yells, panting heavily and tightening her fists. 

He playfully rolls his eyes, and begins gliding towards her across the rink— but before he reaches her, someone bumps into her, making her lose her balance— “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” and she flails her arms violently, creating more momentum for herself— but another person shoves her as she’s in the way, causing her to skate chaotically across the rink, and finally, someone dashes by her so fast they push her aggressively to the ground— her chin brushing against the wooden floor as her body glides, screeching. 

Steven cringes and flinches at the sight— Oooh, that aughta hurt. 

He skates towards her, and she’s lying facedown on the floor. He takes her hands and lifts her up, and Spinel’s chin is cut and scratched, and covered in blood. She rubs her eye in discomfort, too ashamed to even face him. “M’ sawry, I messed up big-time—“ she cries, trying to hold back tears, rubbing her eye.

“Come on, let’s get you healed,” he says as he grips her hand and guides her to the exit. He helps her step out, and helps her sit down on a bench. “Let’s see...” he says as he kneels down on one knee in front of her, observing her bloody face. He brings a hand to his mouth to lick it— but there are people staring at them, as Spinel was sort of making a scene. 

He really didn’t want to risk taken a photo or video of, and potentially being taken by the government to be experimented on for his healing powers, so he decides to just get a wet paper towel from the bathroom to clean her face.

“I, uh. Hm. Looks like I’m gonna do this the old fashioned way,” he comments. 

He prepares to stand up, but he notices Spinel looking down, hiding her face from him. “H-Hey, are you okay, Spinel?” he asks as he kneels back down, taking her shaky hand. She’s crying now, tears streaming down her face. 

“M’—m’ sorry, hic— I’m t-tryin’ not ta cwry, but it weally huwrts—” she sobs as her voice muffles behind her quiet whimpers. 

Weally... huwrts?

Steven brings a hand to his chest for a second, his cheeks flushing up and his body heating up. 

...That was so unexpected from her!? 

And so, so cute...?! Oh my gosh.

“I-I-I,” he stammers flustered, but he’s once again taken aback as Spinel suddenly looks up at him— her eyes wet and glimmering with tears— her lips quivering, her cheeks are all pink and she just looks so sad and beaten down and she lets out another whimper as she sniffles softly right in front of him and— oh, she’s just so adorable even if she’s crying— and Steven’s heart is racing at the sight and he has the urge to hug her to make it all go away and— 

“Steven?” she abruptly asks, wiping the tears of her face as Steven’s hand is gripping very tightly to hers, making her uncomfortable. 

“Y-Yeah, sorry—“ he lets go as he realizes he was hurting her. “I’m gonna uh, head to the bathroom real quick and bring you paper towels to clean you up, okay?” she nods weakly, and watches him skate away. 

Steven’s inside a bathroom stall— grunting as he punches the wall next to him. “Ugh! Ugh! Hah!” he says as he does so, alternating fists.

“W-When did she get so cute!?” he mutters to himself in disbelief as he tries to cool down. “T-That’s not fair, just crying so adorably in front of me like that...! A-And that baby-voice?!” his voice cracks, and he punches the stall a few more times. “Out of nowh—“ he gets interrupted by some guy slamming the other side of the stall, yelling at him. 

“Hey, freak— cut that shit out!” he shouts, startling Steven. The guy busts out the door, washing his hands and out the bathroom, and Steven sighs, seperating himself from the wall. 

“Sorry. Sorry,” he whispers as the guy leaves, and then Steven groans as he drags his hands down his face. “What was that...?” he says, thinking back to Spinel. He gets flustered, his cheeks blushing red, and he opens the stall to get paper towels for her. 

He rushes a bit, knowing Spinel’s waiting for him, and he turns on the faucet to moisten one of the towels and dashes out the door, healing items in hand. But before he can make it to her— Steven catches some guy hovering over her, talking to her. She’s seen giggling, bringing her hand to her lips. 

What... the fuck is going on? 

The guy’s wearing a varsity jacket similar to Steven’s— except it’s black— as well as ripped jeans and leather boots, looking all cool for Spinel. His arms are crossed. And worst of all, he’s _way_ thinner and taller than Steven.

He points at his cheeks, gesturing at her scars— she blushes, and it seems he was complimenting her. Spinel playfully taps his foot with hers and comments on his boots, probably. He asks her if she’s okay since she saw him crying and he smiles at her. She curls one of her pigtails as she crosses her legs, leaning back— admiring him.

...Why does seeing Spinel flirt with another guy like this piss him off so much?

He takes a notebook from his bag and rips out a section of the page and writes down... his number for her? Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. 

He hands it to her, and she rubs the back of her head. He waves goodbye to her, and heads back to the rink. Steven approaches her, clenching his fists. 

“Oh, Steven!” she says, seemingly cheered up. “There you are.” Wow, good to know that guy just saved the day for her, curing her sorrows, and that Steven was completely useless! 

You need to be needed, remember, Universe? 

Spinel still had blood on her chin, so he kneels down in front of her, squinting as he dabs her skin with a wet towel. She flinches a bit as it stings, but he urges her to stay still. He dries her wound off with a dry towel and crumples up the paper, throwing it in the trash can. 

Touchdown! Eager to impress Spinel, Steven tries to nudge her to ask if she saw— but as he faces her, she seems far too absorbed in her own thoughts. 

She suddenly stands up, fumbling a bit, but she still makes an effort to skate to the barrier of the rink. She leans against the rink, a hand to her cheek, watching her new crush skate. Steven tags along, and leans with her in confusion.

Steven watches the people on the rink with her.

Suddenly, Spinel starts humming something.

“Today, right here, right now... I’ll love again,” she sighs dreamily. 

“I’ve already found someone...”

_ Oh no. _

Spinel grins as her crush notices her, and she waves flirtatiously. He sees Steven though, and thankfully keeps his distance as he keeps skating, thinking he’s her boyfriend or brother or something. 

Spinel watches the guy for a while, completely distracted. Steven rolls his eyes and folds his arms, but lets her have her moment anyway. 

Steven takes notes of the guy’s clothes, and looks down at his. Spinel’s crush is wearing a black varsity jacket, while Steven’s is... pink.

Sure, pink was his favorite color— far from what was expected for a boy his age—b-but maybe his femininity was starting to become an obstacle when it came to picking up girls. Maybe next time he goes to the mall, he can pick up a black jacket, one Spinel would like— and, and— hopefully he can ditch his flip-flops and cyan rainboots and start wearing badass shoes like that guy, and—

Wait. 

Why does he care so much about what Spinel thinks of him? He shakes his head... and instead gazes at her for a moment, observing her as she’s distracted by the skating boy.

_ And then she smiled. _

Wow.

Steven looks down in defeat.

_ It’s over, isn’t? _

It never actually started, but still.

Huh.

She... seems happy, at least.

Now what.

“So uh... skating’s pretty cool, right?” he comments after some silence. Spinel doesn’t hear him, so he “coughs” into his hand to loudly clear his throat.

“Huh?” she blinks rapidly, snapping out of it as she finally processes what he said, “looking at” Steven. 

“Oh, yeah— he’s super cool! The cat’s pajamas...” and then she goes back to watching the guy skate.

Steven groans. Oh, brother.

Spinel sees that her crush had started talking to a girl skating by him— one who also happens to have pink hair— and he glides with her. 

Seems Spinel was just his type, wasn’t it?  Spinel sighs and finally looks over to Steven.

“So, uh, why’d you choose this place?” she asks, curious.

Steven’s surprised that she noticed him. “Oh, uh, I’ve been here with the gems. And Connie.” Spinel rolls her eyes at the sound of her name, but she listens to him anyway. 

“Even though the gems don’t come here anymore, ‘cause they’re so busy running the school, I still come here regularly to take my mind off things. I really like it here.” 

“Oh? Why’s that?” she asks. Steven buries himself into his jacket, putting his hands in its pockets. “Oh, um... well, you know— I didn’t really have a normal childhood, or teenagehood for that matter really,” he mutters self-deprecatingly, “so I missed out on all this... normal, American boy stuff.”

Steven notices a group of college students his age laughing together, drinking sodas and eating pizza. He sighs and looks back at the rink, remembering his first time skating. 

“I... was so, so bad at skating. Like, I was so bad, I still had to hold onto the corner of the rink to move, and when I tried to actually skate, I’d just fall on my ass everytime,” he chuckles. 

“R-Really?” she gasps, as she didn’t expect that. “But you’re like, so good now! How’d ya do that?” 

Steven rubs the back of his head. “Oh, uh, just a lot of practice and determination, heh? The first time I came here brought on a lot of embarassing and bad memories, so I hated coming here after that, but the gems would always drag me along and after that I just created new memories, so it’s fun now.”

Creating new memories, huh.

“P-Plus, after being so terrible, I felt sort of inclined to keep improving? It was kind of a new goal of mine, since I needed a new hobby or project after taking a break from Homeschool. So I’d come here every weekend to practice.” 

Wow. Steven... really was a very committed and hardworking person, wasn’t he. 

Very opposed to his carefree and distracted mother— at least from what she remembers about her. 

“Even though I only continued skating to prove something to myself— and to prove myself to Connie, who watched me fail, that first time I went— I ended up doing it for myself after some point. To relax, or to skate my problems away, you know?” Spinel nods. 

Steven laughs quietly. “I uh, actually intended to impress Connie tonight with my new and improved skills, b-but obviously she couldn’t make it.”

Spinel stays quiet. Everything always comes back to Connie, doesn’t it? Even when she’s nowhere in sight.

“I don’t even know why I still come here regularly and practice and learn new tricks after so much time. I... know this sounds preposterous, but I feel that the reason why I like this place is because it seems so... indefinite and atemporal? Like, while the outside world is constantly changing, and all my friends are leaving me, this is the only place that actually feels stagnant. Every night I come here is exactly the same and... and I love that.”

How funny, she thinks. Every day in the garden was exactly like that. 

Would Steven like to join her in the garden for another six thousand years? she chuckles to herself. 

He changes the subject.

“Connie and I?” he says in disbelief. “We’re not even best friends anymore,” he says sadly.

“Y-You’re not?” she asks, confused. Sure, Spinel noticed Connie barely came to visit, but she didn’t realize or dare to think their relationship had deteriorated that much. 

“Yeah. Honestly. And I hate to admit it, but we’re really... not. Even when we call eachother, the conversation falls short and is clouded by awkward silence. Most of the time, when we call, she’s busy writing or typing a paper or whatever, so even then, she’s not engaged in the conversation and all, and I can tell. But I don’t have the heart to tell her this, especially because I know she’s working so hard, but I sometimes wish she’d take the time to pay attention to me, too,” he says as he leans against his hand, elbow on the barrier. 

“Connie’s getting so ahead in life, going to an amazing college and taking all these challenging classes that interest her. Not to mention, she’s already made a new friend group— she’s just changed so much, while I’m still here, and I know it’s out of my control but I feel she’s just—“

“Drifting away,” she finishes, not even facing Steven. 

“Yeah.” he says. “You really get it, don’t you. Of course you do,” he sighs as he recalls her pain. 

Spinel can’t help but feel ashamed at the reminder of his mother drifting away from her, but she doesn’t want to worry Steven so she changes the subject. 

“Yeah, I do... And I also relate to this whole missin’ out on stuff, ya know? ‘Cause I was stuck in tha’ same spot fo’ thousands a years. So... doing these teenage things with ya... I’ve been really enjoyin’ myself, more than you know, by the way. Sure, I ain’t the best at skatin’, but I’m willin’ to try.”

_For you. Willing to try for you, Steven._

But she doesn’t have the courage to tell him that.

“I'm gonna have to work at it, but... you make me wanna try again,” she concludes, blushing. 

Steven looks across from her, and smiles— he then takes her hand. 

Spinel stares at Steven, mouth gaped. 

“Let’s go,” he says as he sees people leaving the rink. It’s getting late. 

Steven guides Spinel to the nearest seat. Spinel bends down to take off her skates, but he intrudes, insisting, and unties them. He really, really doesn’t have to do that— but he’s such a gentlegem— she means gentleman, it’s automatic for him now. 

He then sits next to her, taking off his own. As he does so, he actually leans on Spinel’s shoulder for support— and then he leans his head on it, his hair against her neck, trying to be affectionate with her.

Spinel’s breath totally hikes and she stops breathing. She knows he’s just being playful and friendly like always, but still...! 

He takes them off, and takes hers. He heads back to the counter to return them and retrieve theirs. 

Spinel watches him as he does so. She notices how polite he is with the employee, smiling at him and all. He’s... just so sweet, to everyone, at all times. 

Maybe she wasn’t that special to him, she realized. She’s probably just another friendly face to him, another enemy gem he successfully befriended.

Steven comes back with their shoes, and gives her hers— he honestly has no idea how to put those on, and he doesn’t wanna stab himself with them or something, so he leaves them to her. 

They wrap everything up, and they head out. 

Once outside, Steven and Spinel see that it’s pouring. Hard. Steven groans at the sight of people running to their cars with their umbrellas in hand, knowing he forgot his. “Sorry.”

Steven and Spinel lean against the wall under a tiny roof for a minute, waiting for the rain to calm down. Spinel looks up at him for a moment, and he takes notice. He stares at her, pressing his lips together, and out of nowhere he starts leaning closer to her face. 

Huh...? 

Steven slowly raises his arms up, gently summoning and unfolding his shield to give them privacy. Steven himself is a bit pink as the transparent shield reflects on them— its rosy hue making the moment feel even more romantic. 

Spinel looks up at him, heart-stopped, fluttering her eyelashes with an open mouth. _Is he going to kiss her...?_

He draws closer and closer to her lips, gazing down half-lidded at her and...

And he kisses her chin. 

Healing her.

Huh.

Spinel’s kind of disappointed.

Steven separates himself from her, admiring his magical abilities as her face sparkles.

“I... didn’t really feel like licking my hand that time, hahah, sorry. Hope that’s okay,” he says.

How is he so aloof and casual about all this?! 

Steven was about to disintegrate his shield, but he pauses as he looks at it— and suddenly starts laughing? 

“Huh?”

“Pfffhahahahah!” he chuckles to himself with his eyes shut, bringing a hand to his mouth at the realization, giggling uncontrollably.

_ What a romantic, boyish laugh.  _

“What happened?” she asks, confused. Did she do something funny? Oh, this is so embarassing. 

Suddenly, Steven steps out into the rain— is he gonna let himself get wet?— but at the last second, he raises his shield and expands it, facing her. 

He’s using it as a cover for the rain— an impromptu umbrella for two. 

Steven extends his hand, bringing hisshield closer as he prompts Spinel to go under. She bends down a bit, and stands under it with him. “Come on,” he says, as he walks with her under the shield, avoiding the rain. 

Spinel has her hands in her lap, facing down, as they head to the car. “Ingenious, huh? Can’t believe I forgot I could do that,” he comments under his breath.

_ Very much so, my Diamond.  _

They arrive, and Steven holds the door of her side open for her, holding the “umbrella” over her. She enters, and he shuts the door. 

Was that all... a date? she thinks to herself as she buries herself in her seat.

Steven opens the door on his side, disintegrating his shield, and shuts it. He turns on the ignition and turns on the windshield wiper.

“Spinel,” he says. 

“Hm?” she asks, having spaced out.

He turns to the side and hovers over her, grabbing the seatbelt and wrapping it over her. “Your seatbelt.” 

_ Oh, right. Sorry.  _

He turns on the radio and he drives off. Spinel shuffles in her seat and leans her head on her shoulder, falling asleep as she listened to the rain drop on the window. 

As they drive and Steven sees she’s asleep, he notices the paper with the guy’s number in her hand. 

He... was honestly about to take it and rip it to shreds, but...

But why would he need to do that? He has Connie, after all.

_ Why is he so jealous?  _

Steven sighs, gripping tighter to the wheel to calm down. He can’t stop thinking about how direct and confrontational that guy was, just walking up to her— and how easily Spinel just gave into it, giggling all cutesy like that and twirling her hair flirtatuously for him.

He blushes at the thought.

After an hour or so, they finally arrive, and Spinel flutters her eyes open. He heads out the door, and Spinel opens hers, taking her sheet of paper, and follows behind him to the house. 

Steven crashes on the couch, groaning. He hikes his legs up on the coffee table. 

Spinel inches towards him, sitting daintily next to him and his tall, large physique. They hear the rain droplets fall on the roof, intensifying the mood. 

Steven buries himself in the couch, putting his hands behind his back— and gazes at Spinel, who’s fiddling with the paper that was given to her.

“Weren’t you gonna call that guy? He gave you his number, right?” he asks, trying to seem casual about it.

“Oh,” she remembers. “Y-Yeah, I got his numbah. But I... I changed my mind.” Huh? 

“Why? Didn’t you like him?”

“I did, but... I’d ratha’ just hang out wit’ you, honestly,” she confesses.

Steven didn’t expect that. “R-Really?”

“Yeah, you’re easier to be around with... everytime I talk to anotha’ human, I’m like— _is this how it works? Am I doing it right?_ ” she giggles, and Steven laughs as he totally relates to her social awkwardness. 

“...I know I told you I wanted to start over from scratch wit’ someone, b-but I’ve come ta realize I just needed to start over with you,” she smiles weakly. “That’s all.”

Steven takes her hand. “I’m glad you wanted to play with me again, then.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER WAS SO ROMANTIC UGHHHHHHHH STEVEN IS PURE BOYFRIEND MATERIAL
> 
> i fixed all the stupid ass errors lmao


	35. And You Remind Me So Much Of Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel visit Connie’s house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pure. angst. 
> 
> one of my new fav chapters tbhhh
> 
> also: 100,000 WORDSSSS 🎉🥳✨🥳🎈🎊🥳⭐️🎈🎉🥳🌟🥳🎊🎈🥳🎉🎊🎈🥳💫🎉

𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟏𝟐𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖.

Steven was driving to the outskirts of Beach City to visit Connie’s house— she was finally here for the weekend and obviously, Steven couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see her. 

It was just supposed to be a quick errand and a short visit— but Spinel had noticed Steven stand up from the couch with a book in hand, one he was going to give to Connie to read for the week.

“Hey, buddy! Where you goin’?” asks Spinel, clinging onto him as he opens the door. 

“Oh, uh. I was gonna visit the Homeschool and just drop off this book, hahah,” he says, waving it in the air. 

“The Homeschool... but isn’t the library closed today?” she asks, as she’s been there several times and knows the hours its open.

Steven shuts his eyes. Fuck. 

He starts laughing awkwardly, “oh, did I say Homeschool? I meant to say, uh—“ 

“Wherever you’re goin, can I come with?” she says, tugging harder. 

“W-Why don’t you stay here instead, Spinel? Amethyst is here and she’s happy to play, and you could use a day without me, and—“

Spinel gets visibly angry, shouting “NO!” startling Steven. 

Steven raises his hands up. “Um, okay...? You can come with me then?” he chuckles awkwardly.

Spinel claps her hands together, cheering. “Yay!” She pushes him— “what’re we waitin’ for, let’s go!”

Steven and Spinel were in the car, and Spinel finally asked where they were going after more than half an hour.

“We’re gonna stop by real quick at Connie’s place— she’s here for the weekend, and I was gonna give her a new book to read.”

“Oh,” she mutters, burying herself into her seat. She was more than happy knowing Connie was away at college and out of the picture, but whatever. Spinel pulls out a manga book Steven let her borrow from his bookshelf, and she admires the cover.

“Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon...” she whispers, looking at the magical girl in a cute pose. She has her hair in combined big tails and buns, and her heart-shaped bangs shape her round face. 

Steven takes notice as she starts flipping through the pages—

Steven having taught her how to read it correctly as he’s the one who gave it to her— and he takes notice. 

“Oh, you like the manga I gave you? I loved that growing up,” he says, focusing on the road. “Sailor Moon’s a magical superhero, kinda like us!” 

Spinel nods. “Yeah, she’s really pretty.Wish I looked like that...” she mutters. Spinel looks at an illustration of her, and notices she and the other scouts have gems on their tiaras. “H-Hey, they got gems on their foreheads! Just like us!” she points. 

Steven chuckles. “Yeah, there’s gem influence all over Earth and its media since we left remnants of our civilization behind. Which is funny, because humans have no idea aliens had colonized their planet six thousand years ago...” he explains. “Only we know that. Isn’t that neat?” Spinel nods in agreement. 

So it seems that Pink Diamond’s colonization of the Earth wasn’t as successful as she thought. Turns out Spinel didn’t miss much at all, did she? Well, except the birth of her son, Steven... Spinel thinks as she gazes towards him. 

But he liked seeing him as and only as an adult. She isn’t sure she’d have the same feelings for Steven if they had known eachother since his infancy, but she digresses. 

They finally arrive to Connie’s neighborhood, and Spinel peers out the window to gaze at her surroundings. Based off the parks, playgrounds, benches, and beautiful family homes she sees on the way, she can see that Connie and her family are quite wealthy. 

Interesting. 

“Pretty neighborhood, right? Wish I lived here,” comments Steven as he drives slowly. “I spent most of my childhood raised in a van until I moved in with the gems, hahah,” he laughs quietly, kind of ashamed. 

“Here we are,” he hums, as they’ve finally arrived. “You wanna come with, Spinel? It’ll be pretty quick— I’m just gonna give Connie a book I recently finished and just catch up with her for a bit.”

“Oh, no no no, I’m good. Besides, I don’t wanna ruin ya moment t’gether. You two should have your priv’cy...” she mumbles, tapping her fingers together shyly. 

“Oh, okay. Thanks. Just wait here, got it? Stand very still, and don’t go wandering off, alright?” 

Spinel nods, and Steven closes the door. 

Spinel watches Steven walk up to Connie’s driveway and sighs. She really was the loser, wasn’t she. The loser of the new game Steven didn’t know he was playing— the love game to win his heart. 

Spinel mutters to herself between gritted teeth. What does he see in Connie that he doesn’t see in me? Is-Is it because she’s smart? Or does he just like short hair, instead of  pigtails? Should she cut her hair too, to impress him? She gets lost in thought.

Steven arrives at the door and knocks, book in hand. Connie opens the door a few moments later and appears for Spinel to see— hugging Steven and smiling. Spinel notices and groans as she looks at them from the car, rolling her eyes. 

“Steven! Um, wow, I didn’t expect you to come today!” she says. Steven rubs the back of his head shyly. 

“Surpriiise, hahah.”

She lets him go, and they talk for a moment. Then, Steven grabs her by the waist and pulls her into an embrace, kissing her and making Spinel wince. He caresses her hair fondly, and Spinel can’t help but feel a shockwave rush through her body at the sight of that. 

And not a good one.

He... really does love her, doesn’t he. Who was she kidding. 

They part, and Connie holds his hand, gently leading him inside. They shut the door behind them, and Spinel leans back in her seat, pouting as she crosses her arms.

And now we wait. 

Once inside, Steven admires his surroundings, seeing that some of the furniture has been moved. “Oh, wow. I haven’t been here in so long, you guys redecorated,” he comments.

“Oh, yeah, it has been some time since you’ve come here, haven’t you? My parents are always redecorating these days, especially my dad, who just needs something to do now that I’m away. Since I can drive now, he doesn’t really need to take me anywhere, including my tennis classes.” 

Steven hums as he looks around the room. “I’m glad you could make it this weekend, Connie. How’s college?” he chuckles, a bit sad as he remembered he can’t tag along. He puts his hands in his pockets. 

“Yeah, it’s going great! I’ve been hanging out so much with my new friends— we’re a whole group, and they’re all STEM majors, like  me! Even though I’m undecided, one’s an Aerospace Engineering major, another one’s a Biochemistry major, and the one I’m closest with is a Computer Science major. We met at my school’s book club!” 

“Oh, book club? That’s such a coincidence, hehe— I actually uh, brought you a book, since I know you love to read. I haven’t finished it yet since I’ve been helping out at Homeschool these days, b-but since you’re a fast reader I thought you’d be interested.” 

“Oh, thank you, Steven!” she cheers, clasping her hands together. Connie brings a finger to her cheek and tilts her head. “What’s it called?” 

Steven opens the book and reads the title. “Uh... Avalon Burning. It’s like this science-fiction novel wh—“

“Oh, that book’s amazing!” she squeals. “That was actually the book my group read last month— we even watched the movie together! And by watched it I mean critiqued it like crazy in comparison to the book, but still!”

Steven’s heart sinks. Oh, so she already read it. 

Connie grabs two books stacked on the nearest table and raises them for Steven to see. “See? I even have the other books from the series— Atlantis Ascending and Halcyon Impending!” 

Connie places them on top of the book he was already holding so they’re all stacked in his hands. “Why don’t you take them home, Steven? So you can read them too!”

Oh, brother.

This... wasn’t the plan. 

Steven just wanted to bring a gift for Connie, something special, but she’s turned it around so she just gives him her hand-me-downs, or whatever, since she’s so intelligent and so in the loop that she’s already read it and spends her time analyzing movie adaptations with her Diamond League friends as entertainment. Having so much fun without him. 

How embarrassing. 

Steven would listen to Connie ramble about book adaptations whenever they’d go to the movies together, but Steven honestly wasn’t that analytical enough to participate fully in the conversation. He sighs as he comes to the realization that she’s found better, smarter, friends to go the cinema with. 

Connie takes notice. “Hey... Steven? Are you okay?” Steven nods. 

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s fiiine,” he whines. “I’m good! Super good.”

“Oh, okay! I’m happy to hear that. Oh, I thought I should tell you about this course I’m taking, and how crazy the professor is...!” she starts rambling excitedly about her classes, and Steven sort of spaces out. 

Connie... really never was the best at reading people’s emotions, was she. It usually takes her a while to tell when Steven’s down or distracted or something— which is strange, because they were supposed to be best friends. She should know  him by now.

But then again, it’s been so long. Looks like they’re finally drifting away. 

Connie finally stops talking, but Steven doesn’t notice— too busy lost in thought. 

“Steven? Steven?” she nudges him.

Huh, what?

Steven starts blinking rapidly, snapping out of it. “Sorry, what?”

“I said if you want to go upstairs and watch a movie with me!” she smiles. 

He would love to, but he just remembered he left Spinel waiting in the car. “Connie, that sounds great and all, but...”

She clings onto his arm and rubs it romantically, looking directly at him. “Please? I’m only gonna be here for the weekend, and after that I have to prepare for my project and prep for  some exams this week... I’m gonna be super busy, and, and my parents aren’t home tonight, so it’s the perfect time.”

The perfect time... for sex, Steven thinks? Does she want to lose her virginity to him tonight?

If so, he can’t miss this opportunity. He’s wanted this for so, so long— but Connie rejects him every time. Now’s his moment.

Steven’s breath hikes and he clears his throat, holding her hand. Surely Spinel wouldn’t have any problems waiting for him, right? I mean, she’s done it before... What’s an extra hour or two to 6,000 years?

He gives in. 

“Of course, Connie.” 

“Let’s go,” she smiles, as he holds his hand and guides him upstairs. They enter Connie’s bedroom.

Steven sits down on her bed, looking out the window. The sun should be setting in about an hour or so, he thinks. 

Connie bends down in front of the T.V. and turns it on— she grabs the remote, and picks a movie from the streaming app her family uses. She sits beside him on the bed as the film starts. 

Steven gapes his mouth as he recognizes the movie. “It’s...”

“The movie we watched on our first date. Official Date, that is.” Steven smiles— she remembered! Oh, how much he misses their first dates. They were so awkward together, even just holding hands was a big deal, but still, they were so innocently in love, and... 

Steven sighs. 

He realizes they don’t really have that anymore now, do they. Not since he foolishly proposed to her, straining their relationship, or when she started going to cram school and making new friends, or when she started college early. 

Everything had changed. 

Changed for the worse. 

Connie leads her had against his shoulder and Steven wraps an arm around her, holding her tight as they watch the movie together. 

They... hadn’t cuddled like this in so long, he thought. They’d barely see eachother, and when they did, her parents, and the gems were usually around so they couldn’t ever have any privacy or intimacy. 

But now they could, since Connie’s parents weren’t home— and Steven was gonna take advantage of this opportunity. 

This was their moment.

Steven leans his cheek against hers, nuzzling it. She giggles, and looks at him, eyes softened at his touch. 

Steven pulls her closer, closing his eyes as he kisses her. She grins between his lips, and cups his cheeks to kiss him back. 

The two make out for some time, breathing under eachother’s noses. 

As they part, Steven brushes her hair out of her face to admire her— 

“You’re... so, so beautiful, Connie,” he whispers, his voice rasping at the sight of her. He gazes at her strong nose, and brown eyes, and raven hair... Not only was she intelligent and athletic, but gorgeous, too? What does she see in a huge dope like him?

And she reminds him nothing of his mother, thankfully. Every time he’s with Spinel, he thinks of his mother for some reason— not just based on looks, but on personality, as well.

Suddenly, Connie stands up, hovering in front of him— Steven holds her by the waist and pulls her closer, looking up at her, and she plants a kiss on his lips. They kiss extensively, and after a few minutes in eachother’s arms, Connie gently pushes him down to the bed, towering on top of him.

Steven looks up at her, kissing her— but as he does, he begins to unbotton her blouse. 

“What the hell is takin’ him so long?” mutters Spinel as she looks out the car window, watching the sun set. Did he forget about her? 

Not surprised. 

Like mother, like son, right?

Connie aids him in his quest to undress her, and takes off her blouse,  exposing her lace bra. Seems she knew he was gonna come visit. 

Steven himself removes his jacket for her. 

Connie leans on top of him as they proceed to make out— Steven wraps his arms around her neck, pulling her closer— until suddenly he shifts her body to the side, and they switch positions. 

Steven inches closer to her face and nips at her neck, making her moan. He trails down her body, kissing her chest and her stomach, appreciating her abs, and he begins to unbotton her jeans, but— 

Connie immediately covers the zipper with her hand, and he looks up at her in confusion. 

Huh?

“Not yet, Steven.” 

What? But he thought— “I, I’m confused. I thought you wanted to do this together tonight.” 

“I’m... I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready Steven,” she says as she lifts her back up, covering her chest.

Steven sighs as he gets off of her, sitting on the bed with her. 

Connie takes his hand. “Soon, okay?” He looks at her sadly. “Wait for me.” 

After a silence, he responds. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t stay mad at her forever.

“...Okay, Cons.” 

Connie nears his face, cupping his as she lets him kiss her again. They deepen the kiss, eager to make out again, sighing in unison, until Connie suddenly feels her phone vibrate in her pocket— her ringtone startling Steven. 

“Oh, crap,” she mumbles as she takes it out of her pocket anxiously and reads the ID. “It’s my dad— I think he’s coming home early tonight. Hello?” she asks, holding the phone with both her hands to listen closely. 

Steven stands up from the bed, putting his jacket back on as he turns his back on her.

Now he’s the loser of this game.

“Mhm. Yeah. Okay, thanks . I’ll see you in a bit,” she says, and then hangs up. 

“Coming home early?” he asks as he turns around to face her, a bit frustrated now. He really thought they were finally gonna sleep together tonight.

“Yeah... he just ended his shift. He’ll be coming home soon, and, and—“

“He doesn’t want me here, got it. Forgot they see me as nothing but a distraction,” he rolls his eyes. 

Connie stands up from the bed and holds both his hands. “Don’t say that. T-They just really want me to focus on my studies, not boys,” she says as he kisses his cheek, pushing his face up. He cracks a smile anyway, despite his anger.

“I think you should go,” she whispers, as she takes her blouse to put it on. Steven helps her, and buttons her up one by one, and she blushes. She takes the remote and shuts off the T.V. Connie takes his hand and leads him out the door, officially concluding their makeout session. 

They walk down the stairs to the living room together, and Steven takes the books. He salutes her with a finger as she opens the door for him, and they look across from eachother. 

“I’ll message you tonight while I’m studying, okay?” she smiles. 

Steven suddenly remembered his birthday ball. “So, uh— do you think you’ll be able to make it to the birthday ball...? I know it’s a school night for you, but.” 

Connie giggles. “Hm... we’ll see, Steven. Let me check my schedule. I’ll text you in a bit once I look at my agenda, ‘kay?” 

Steven nods. “Okay.”

Connie kisses him one last time, wishing him goodbye. “Happy Birthday, Steven.” 

Steven grins— “See you, sweetie,” he says as he walks backwards with the books, heading to the sidewalk. 

Connie waves goodbye— “Bye! Drive safe... and sorry again.” Steven turns around, walking normally to the car, as Connie shuts the door behind him— a bit abruptly, startling him. 

Why was she in such a rush to get him out the door? 

He sighs, disappointed in himself after another failed attempt to sleep with her. What was this, the fifth time? Come on, Connie— he’s a guy with urges! Not to mention, he’s about to turn eighteen— and the fact that he hasn’t slept with her yet after more thn two years of dating is super embarassing. 

As Steven walks to the car, he can’t help but start to feel a bit... pissed off about what just happened. What... was that? He could’ve sworn Connie was ready to sleep with him for the first time— and he was a virgin too, but— like everything else they’ve done— war and glory, reinvention, fusion, freedom— their friendship, their relationship— they learned, and they did it together. Why has this become such a challenge for them? He doesn’t understand. 

He opens the car door and sits down on the chair— he puts his books in the backseat and faces Spinel, about to apologize to her for making her wait, but— 

She’s not in the car.

Great. 

Steven groans as he opens the car door again and locks it— as he walks down the sidewalk in front of Connie’s house, however, he freezes in place as he sees a guy get out of his car, walking up to Connie’s place.

What... the fuck? 

He squints as he tries to get a good look at his face. He swears he recognizes that guy— is that...?— Daniel? That’s Connie’s friend from cram school! The guy he met at the roller rink! What is he doing here—?  Steven thought Connie said it was her dad who was coming home. 

He doesn’t want to be spotted, so he just hides behind the nearest car. 

Connie opens the door and hugs him, visibly eager to see him. 

What’s going on? 

Steven, who was peeking behind the car, stares at them in shock. The two part and hold hands as Connie lets him inside. 

Oh, Steven’s boiling. He grits his teeth and curls his hands into fists— he starts turning pink with rage, and— and— 

He stands up and kicks the car in front of him, denting it dramatically with his superhuman strength.

Shit. 

Steven starts breathing heavily, trying to calm himself down— holding a hand to his chest— he looks at his reflection on the car window, seeing how angry and eerily similar to his mother he looks, and freaks out at the sight of him like this. 

_ You need to calm down.  _

Steven kneels back down to the floor, gripping his neck, trying to relax. He looks down and is panting heavily— why can’t he breathe?

Okay, Steven— don’t panic. They’re just friends. You’re Connie’s boyfriend: you’ve been through so much together, you’ve known eachother for years, you’ve fused and become Stevonnie, you saved the world together— nothing’s happened— everything’s fine. 

Stop being so possessive, Steven— he thinks to himself. Connie’s allowed to have friends, including guy-friends, and you can’t get jealous everytime you see her interact with another boy— you know how difficult it originally was for her to meet people and make friends— let her have this. Don’t fuck it up for her out of pettiness. 

Steven finishes panting, and looks up at the dent— he REALLY doesn’t feel like licking a car right now, so he just spits on the car from where he’s sitting and it heals itself— good as new! 

Steven wipes the dirt from his hands on his jeans— he was about to storm over to Connie’s place and knock on her door for some answers— but he remembered he has to get Spinel. They have a curfew. Not to mention, it would just seem very creepy and controlling of him to have been stalking her like this. 

So he decides to wait it out. See if anything else happens these next couple of weeks.

So he just keeps walking down his original path, thinking of where Spinel could be— he recalls that there’s a playground nearby— Spinel’s pretty childish, so she’d probably be there. 

He walks up to the playground and scans it— finally, he spots Spinel— and he sees that she’s doing a handstand for some children, making them giggle and gasp in amazement. 

Spinel stands back up and does an elegant bow, raising her hand up, and the kids clap excitedly. One of them pulls her hand, and she extends it for them, and they play jumprope with her arm, amusing them. 

Steven sighs in relief as he puts his hands inside his pockets. She really was good with kids, wasn’t she. He stands there for some time, watching them play and laugh with her. 

As it gets dark out and the lights in the neighborhood turn on, the kids wave goodbye to Spinel as they have to get home before curfew. Spinel sits down on the bench, and Steven strides up to her. “Hey.” 

Spinel tenses up, looking up at him— “I-I-” _Crap_ , she thinks. He’s gonna be so pissed she moved! 

“I’m not mad,” he tells her. Spinel shuts her eyes and exhales. Phew. 

Steven sits down with her, gazing at the empty playground. There’s a silence. 

“What took ya so long? You said it’d be thirty minutes, buddy,” she finally says. 

“I’m sorry— we got caught up in something, I’m sorry. I won’t do that again.”

“Eh, it’s fine. If it weren’t for that I wouldn’t have met Spencer and Harley.”

“Who?” 

“The kids I was just playin’ with. Those are their names. They were twins, or somethin’.” 

“I see... You like kids, don’t you?” he nudges her shoulder playfully. 

“Oh, yeah! They’re so cute, hehe,” Steven’s face flushes as he learns this fact about her.

_ He likes kids, too. _

“Dunno how to get ‘em though. Do they just pop outta tha’ ground like gems do, or?”

Steven chuckles. “No— no, they uh—” he stammers as he realizes he has to explain sex to her now, fuck— “you know what! Haha. You can just ask Garnet or Pearl— hell, even Peridot about all that. Peridot’s always reading weird-ass fanfics about Camp Pining Hearts on the Internet, so she should know a thing or two about human intercourse by now.”

“Inta’cors?” she says with a thick accent. Steven freezes in place, tensing up at the sound of that. “N-Nevermind, forget I said that.”

Spinel nods, confused, and buries herself in the bench. 

After a few minutes Steven notices that she starts smiling as she observes the playground. 

“Spinel?” 

“...Hm?” she asks.

“Why are you smiling?” 

Spinel then points at the swing, catching Steven’s attention. 

“That swing...” she says, “Pink n’ I had a swing made a vines in our garden— and she’d push me for hours, laughing wit’ me...” she hums sweetly. What she’d give to relive those moments with her, even if Spinel sees her differently now. She can’t help but want to return to those times— they were so much simpler, and Spinel was so naive and innocent— she, she hates to admit it, but she actually misses her old self. 

Spinel doesn’t like the person she is now.

Maybe Steven would like her if she were innocent, loving, and stupid like before.

“It reminded me a that memory when we were younger. We were so happy back then... the games we played togetha’ were our only distraction n’ escape from all the chaos happenin’ around us,” she recalls. 

Suddenly, Steven stands up and faces her, extending his arm— his warm face illuminated by the streetlight above him— “...Want me to push you before we leave?” 

Spinel gapes up at him— flattered— and hesitantly nods. She takes his hand as he gently pulls her up, and they walk together to the swingset, Spinel clinging onto his arm. 

Steven positions himself behind the swingset, while Spinel slowly seats herself on the swing. “Ready?” Spinel nods, gripping to the handles tight, anxious to be reliving her past right now. 

He starts pushing her slowly— and Spinel starts to get gitty at the sight as she’s reliving her past right now.  Steven pushes her harder, and as she returns to him, he pushes her higher and higher in the air. Suddenly, Spinel starts laughing, giggling with joy— as feelings from her past start flooding back to her. Memories of how happy she was in the garden, playing with Pink, living so carefree! 

Steven can’t help but find her laughter contagious— and he cracks a smile— but as she laughs louder and more playfully, he himself gives in and laughs with her too. 

_ And then she smiled, _

_ That's what he’s after, _

_ A smile in her eyes, _

_ The sound of her laughter.  _

He swings her back and forth for some time— and he realizes how much time he’s been enjoying with Spinel since she— quite literally— fell from the sky and asked to move in with him. Initially he was hesitant, believing it was for the worst— but in actuality, it was for the best, he thinks.

As Connie had started cram school and officially begun college, Steven couldn’t help but notice how quickly she had grown, even if she was younger than him. Suddenly, the girl he grew up with— the introverted, clumsy, and nerdy-looking bookworm who loved childish things like dogcopter— was suddenly a popular, athletic beauty who had matured and grown, so, so quickly— who was far more interested in intellectual pursuits in the maths and sciences than swinging on a swingset with Steven. 

He bet if he asked, she’d totally refuse to visit the playground with him like they used to when they were kids— yet here was Spinel, six thousand years older than both of them, asking to swing with him, giggling like a child.

Connie had changed so much... and as proud as Steven is of her, he can’t help but miss her childish self, and all the memories he shared with her. Even though Steven was overwhelmed with so many responsibilities— leading Little Homeworld and helping out Little Homeschool— after saving the world and establishing peace among the galaxy— he was so relieved to finally destress with someone, relive his childhood even for a fleeting moment, relieved of judgement. 

Steven starts to slow down and weaken his pushes as the sun completely sets. As she gradually returns to him, sitting in place, Spinel raises her chin up at him and smiles, staring at him as he looks at her from above. 

He’s never seen her this happy before. 

Why... 

Why does Steven suddenly have the urge to lean down and kiss her right now?

But before Steven can even criticize his thoughts, Spinel then turns to face the front of her and hops daintily and femininely off the swing— causing Steven to flush and choke up at the sight as that was so out of character for her— and he clears his throat as she walks towards him.

Spinel seems extremely distracted— her eyes are closed as she’s humming to herself, and suddenly she clings onto Steven hugging him, leaning against his chest.

“I love you so so so so much, my Diamond!” she squeaks as she nuzzles her cheek against him, losing her accent there.

Steven completely freezes in place.

...

...Huh?

My... Diamond? 

Steven them brings a hand to his cheek, his face red. 

She... loves him?

He swears he’s heard her say that to him before— _once upon a dream._

“M-My Diamond...?” Steven mutters in disbelief. Spinel was so happy to hug her, until she realized it wasn’t a her at all. 

She was hugging her son, Steven Universe, thinking it was his dead mother. 

What a mess.

Spinel’s eyes flick open, and she backs off him, stuttering— “I-I-I-” she says, panicking at the realization. Steven starts chuckling awkwardly, _anxiously_ , rubbing the back of his head. 

“Fuck, fuck— M’ sawry, I’m so sorry— I thought, I thought— I thought you were Pink Diamond, your ma’, for a second there, I don’t know why I did, shit— I’m so so so sorry Steven, I—” she rambles unintelligibly as she covers her face, as she can’t bear to look at his reaction to her horrible, embarassing mistake— one that just exposed her greatest weakness— the forgotten love his mother had for her once, thousands of years ago. 

_Why— why can’t she move on?_ she asks herself. And why does she see so much of her in Steven? she thinks as she starts tugging violently at her pigtails, crying, looking quite ugly for him as tears flow down her cheeks, intensifying her violent scars. 

“Sp-Spinel, it’s, it’s okay...!—” he says under his breath as his voice cracks— and he can’t help but tear up as well, his lips trembling at the mention of his mother— as it seems Spinel’s cries are contagious for him as well— “It’s fine, everything’s fi-ine, I, ah—” he starts shaking, and as feelings flood back to him, his heart just sinks, and he needs to hold someone _so_ bad— and so he impulsively reaches out to her and pulls her hand, dragging her against his chest, bringing her into an intense hug in attempts to comfort her— to comfort _himself_ as a desperate last resort. 

...Huh? 

Steven clings tightly onto her, wrapping her around in an embrace— holding her tightly— and she’s initially confused, but before she can even protest she gives in and cries into his cheeks, bawling at the memory of his late mother— and her late guardian. Steven finally breaks down after bottling up all these feelings for years, gripping onto her even harder, sobbing with her. Steven falls to the ground on his knees, taking Spinel down with him, and they just cry. He leans against her cheek, her tears rubbing against his skin as she clings onto him as well. 

“M’, m’ so, so sorry—” she sobs, “M’ sorry, I’m sorry—” she mutters, fanning his neck as she pants heavily. “You’re just—mm— so much like her, Steven— I see her in you every. single. day, she’s always in you, I’m— I’m—”  she can’t believe she just admitted that to him, and she winces, shutting her eyes— “SO SORRY! I DON’T KNOW WHY—!” she screams, wailing, and she starts hiccuping in his arms, choking on her own tears. 

Steven brings a hand behind her head, rubbing her hair— rocking her to calm down, soothing Spinel. “It’s o-kay, Spinel,” he whimpers in a high pitched voice. “I see her in you, too!” he says before laughing weakly and pathetically, leaning the top of his head against her shoulder in defeat. 

Spinel shuts her eyes and shakes her head aggressively. “No— no, that’s not t-true!” she yells. She wants to let go in resistance, but Steven just grips her tighter, unwilling to part with her, groaning into her shoulder. They’ve bottled up these feelings about their mother for so long— they’ve never actually confessed this to eachother— he can’t waste this opportunity. 

_ This was their moment.  _

“It’s true, Spinel—” he says as he composes himself, looking back up. “I’m sorry, but you’re so much like her— in ways I can’t even explain,” he continues rubbing her hair. Spinel flutters her eyes open, her lashes soaked— and she exhales so loudly. _UHGH._

Steven cups both her cheeks as they part, looking at her wet face, covered in tears— and her quivering lips and flushed face— and he just pushes his lips onto her, kisses her cheeks repeatedly, planting numerous smooches on her face, expressing his love for her dramatically. “Mmnm— mmn— ahmmm!” she whines, taken aback by his intense affections. _Steven..._

His eyes are shut, while Spinel has one eye shut— and she groans into a cough as he invades her face, he himself making little noises out of desperation as he kisses her and kisses her aggressively. _Please don’t cry, Spinel_. Spinel clings onto his shirt, whimpering as she’s never, _ever_ been touched like this. Mw, Mwah, Mwah. Mm— m-mwah, mwah!

Spinel groans as she realizes how exposed she is to him like this— so vulnerable and so weak in his arms as he practically devours her face with adoration for her. Steven kisses her cheek one last time, as he’s completely dried her face and sucked all her tears away— and he brings her into one final embrace, crying one last time into her shoulder. Spinel rubs his back, trying to calm him down, mumbling something.

And then she speaks to him.

“Y-Yes, I know that you’re not her—hic—, but you w-were her,” she mumbles between hiccups, shaking.

Steven winces— but then he gives in and sings along for her.

“You know what it meant to love her,” he tells her, wrapping his arms under her. He shuts his eyes and plants a deep kiss on her forehead.

“And you r-remind me so, so, so much of her,” she concludes as she breaks down again in his arms, sobbing, looking down in complete shame. 

The two just kneel on the playground floor, crying— finally mourning the loss of Pink Diamond together, a conversation they had been avoiding for far too long. 

Spinel finally stops crying— albeit she’s still sniffling, and Steven himself stops too. They part, looking at eachother— Spinel squinting at him as her eyes are still moist. Steven takes off his jacket and he brings a part of it to her face, delicately wiping her cheeks, clearing her face of tears. “Mmm—mngh,” she whimpers. _Please, you don’t have to do this. You make me so weak._

He dabs the last of her face, and looks down at her. Sure, she had these violent, horrifying black scars— and sure, her hair was in spiky, aggressive pigtails— but still, to him, Spinel was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. 

How could he have been so blind? 

Spinel herself takes the jacket from his hand, fumbling a bit, and dabs his cheeks too until he’s dried too. Spinel looks up at him, lips parted, panting. 

_Please, please, pleahs, pleahse plehease kiss me, I’m begging you,_ she thinks to herself in desperation, muttering unintelligibly to herself. 

Steven chokes on his breath for a second, bringing a clenched hand to his face. He pants, calming down, and he finally breathes a heavy, heavy sigh as he’s done. 

What the hell was all of that?

Spinel’s flopped down on the floor, her thighs against the ground as she faces down. 

Steven gives her a few minutes to calm down, watching her, and when she finally has he stands up— extending his hand to pull her up to him. 

Steven has to stay strong for her, he thinks— he takes her hands, looking down at her dirty palms, and fans the dirt out of them with his palms, flicking them off her. He then bends down for a moment and removes the dirt from her knees. Spinel mumbles something under her breath, probably a thank you, as she rubs her eye with a fist. 

Steven sighs as he lifts himself back up. “Okay,” he huffs. “Okay. Okay, we’re fine. Everything’s fine.”

“It’s... late... Let’s go.” 

He takes Spinel’s hand and walks right beside her, guiding her back to the car in the darkness of the night. Spinel’s still sniffling a bit, but by the time they make it to the car, she’s finally calmed down as Steven’s grip relaxes her. 

Steven opens the door for her, letting her in— and she sits down. He closes the door and makes it to the other side, flopping to his seat, shutting his eyes and sighing in exhaustion. He shuts the door. 

The two of them pant as they lean against their seats, having exerted all their energy after crying so much, and Steven leans to the side— and she leans on his shoulder— and once again, they’re longing for eachother’s touch, even in the subtlest ways. 

After a few moments of breathing together, Steven finally turns on the ignition, turning on the radio— playing the classical music station— and drives out of Connie’s neighborhood, bidding goodbye to his girlfriend. 

Spinel falls asleep to the calming music, as Steven takes her home. 

Of course, when they arrived, Steven carried her sleeping body back to the beach house and up the steps and up the stairs, putting her to bed after polishing her gem— leaving her clean.

Several hours had passed, and after Steven had taken a shower, finally calming down completely, we see him scrolling through his phone in the dark, laying in bed with Spinel asleep beside him.

He’s looking at baby names for some reason. 

Suddenly, he receives a text message— from Connie, finally— even though it’s past midnight, and he opens the messenger app to read it. 

_ Hey Steven!  🙈 It’s Connie. I just wanted to let you know I won’t be able to make it to the party— I have a huge Chemistry exam the day after, and I have to study the night before.  🙀 I’m so sorry for leaving you hanging like this again, but I know you’ll always be supportive of me and my future.  🤓🥰 Our future._

_ Thanks for understanding.  😓 _

_ Love you.  ❤️☺️👩❤️👨_

_ Let’s plan something soon, okay? I’ll be back home during Fall Break._

_ P.S. Happy Birthday!!! 🎉🎂🎈😘 _

_ Luv, Your Connie. _

Steven starts to heat up as he reads the text. 

This was the sixth time she had turned him down. 

He scoffs as he notices the emojis— of course she thinks those cute little smiley faces and hearts will solve the problem and make him forget everything. And he’s fallen for this multiple times. 

So fucking shallow. 

Usually, Steven would be furious at this point. 

Usually he’d be punching a pillow or a wall or something. But as he looks beside him to see Spinel sleeping, he realizes, finally coming to the conclusion, that... 

He doesn’t give a fuck. 

No, no, Steven— snap out of it. 

He groans and brings a hand to his face, dragging it down his nose as he realizes how cruel he was being right there. No, Steven— don’t let it get the best of you. Connie’s your girlfriend— she has a future— and she has to focus on her studies. You love your future wife, and you want the best for her, okay? 

God, Steven’s such a fucking liar. 

And he’ll never admit that his feelings for Connie Maheshwaran are dwindling day by day— because ironically...?

He’s afraid of change. 

Steven puts his phone on the night table and buries himself into his pillow. He shifts his body to the side to see Spinel, completely passed out— he chuckles at the sight of drool dripping from her mouth. 

Steven looks down at her tiny hand by him, ungloved, and clings a finger to hers, seeking any kind of warmth from her. 

He thinks back to all that happened that day, and remembers how she hugged him and told him she loved him— or her. 

He knows she meant to say that to his mother but... today he might have come to the realization, that... 

He loves her, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck connverse  
> leave a comment below :^)
> 
> i feel that the confession from chapter 1 hits SOSOOSSOOSOSOSOSOS FUCKING DIFFERENTLY now knowing that steven actually did harbor some feelings for spinel and was just swallowing them the whole time knowing he had committed to connie. ughhhhhh this ship i swear


	36. Stand Very Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gems prepare for Steven’s Birthday Ball.

𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟏𝟓𝐭𝐡, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖.

_ August 15th. _

Today was the day.

It was finally Steven Universe’s birthday.

And Spinel’s birthday, too, but that wasn’t important at this point, she accepted. 

It was her Diamond’s special day, and she needed to dedicated it all to him, this time. 

She shakes her head at the realization, as she suddenly gets deja vu— recalling the memories of her accompanying Pink Diamond to her own birthday parties. 

...Why does she feel obliged to do this, though? 

Spinel isn’t a jester, anymore— she doesn’t need to throw or entertain at parties anymore, she doesn’t have to cling to an owner anymore, she doesn’t need to pretend to be someone she’s not—

So why is she so committed to celebrating Steven’s special day? 

It’s her birthday, too— shouldn’t she finally put herself first now? 

Yet for some reason, she doesn’t. Even though the Diamond’s tyranny over their subjects is over, she still puts others first. Even though she has the privilege to shape her own destiny and rediscover herself now, she still puts others first. 

Despite everything, despite all the abuse and neglect she faced at her hands, she still puts her Diamond first. 

Spinel sighs as she looks at the mirror in Steven’s room as she brushes her hair. It was late in the afternoon, and the gems were getting ready for Steven’s birthday. 

She thought she had changed so much— that she finally let go of her past self— _the old me_ — she winces in disbelief.

Yet she’s still in there somehow, and as she’s currently preparing to go to a party for her Diamond, like she’d do  thousands of years ago— she’s realized she hasn’t changed at all, after everything. 

Spinel can hear Amethyst and Pearl yelling at eachother downstairs, arguing— likely about what they’re going to wear to the ball. Amethyst wants to wear converse under her dress after seeing some girl do that in a movie, but Pearl refuses, telling her it was one of the most elite parties in Homeworld. Amethyst asks her why she was wearing a dress this time as she had always worn tuxedos, and Pearl stammers at a loss for words, unsure how to respond. 

To impress Bismuth, probably, as Steven told Spinel all about their budding relationship. 

Peridot and Lapis Lazuli will be tagging along too, as well as several of Steven’s human and gem friends. They’re all on their way to the main warp pad at Little Homeworld, with Bismuth, Peridot, and Lapis guiding them, that way they can all go together to the Homeworld palace.

How funny, she thinks. Everyone and their mother can make it except for Steven’s girlfriend— the most important person at the ball for him. 

But Spinel was the replacement. 

And she wasn’t even supposed to be the replacement, he actually asked Amethyst first, but Amethyst really didn’t feel like looking pretty for four hours straight for the diamonds just for them to criticize her for her defectiveness, and she sure as hell didn’t feel like waltzing for hours to boring classical music , knowing she prefers... other forms of dancing and music. 

So she asked Spinel. Spinel was initially going to reject him, as she knew she’d get caught by the Diamonds, but he begged her with pleading eyes, and she couldn’t say no.

She had no idea what she was going to do, now. Maybe once Steven steps out of the bathroom she can tell him she’s gonna flake out. 

Garnet just sits there and watches on the couch, arms crossed as she entertains herself with her fellow gems who bicker among eachother. Steven was in the bathroom, showering. 

Spinel... looks at herself in the mirror, reminded of her horrendous scars. She drags a hand down her face. She wanted to go to the ball, at Steven’s insistance, but she remembered that she had fled from the Diamonds, having escaped without their approval or knowledge. 

How was she supposed to show her face at the ball now, by the arms of their nephew? 

That’s right— since Connie had a test tomorrow and couldn’t make it, Steven asked if Spinel could be her date. Platonic date, of course. As Friends.

Spinel sighs as she heads downstairs to sit with the gems— she’s gonna be bored all night, she thinks, so she might as well entertain herself a bit by watching Amethyst and Pearl scream at eachother over their fashion choices. Maybe she can make some popcorn while she’s at it.

Finally Steven comes out of the bathroom— wearing some very familiar attire: _Pink Diamond’s._

Spinel gapes up at him in shock, as she looks identical to his mother, puffed shoulder pads and gloves and all. 

This one, however, had actually extended the pants all the way down his legs, much thinner now, yet still puffed at the bottom, encircling his ankles— a bit more masculine for him— and he removed the little white balls from his slippers as well.

He raises his arms to the side elegantly, admiring his new appearance as he twists his body. 

Pearl squeals excitedly and runs up to him, hugging him at the sight of his new form. 

“Oh, Steven! Oh my goodness—you look so handsome tonight!” she says poshly as she lets go. 

“Hah, thanks,” he says as he rubs the back at his neck, clearing his throat. 

Spinel’s face is flushed red as she looks at him from her seat, standing very still— and Steven suddenly catches her staring, looking right at her— his own mouth partly open. 

Spinel flinches and panics, immediately looking away— only to rush back up to the bedroom in embarrassment and shame, as feelings come flooding back to her.

Steven was about to call out to her, reaching out his hand, but Amethyst interrupts. 

“Oh-ho-ho-ho! Will you look at that!” laughs Amethyst as she playfully shoves him, like a cool older sister, and he squeaks on impact. “If it isn’t your highness, Pink Diamond!” 

“Hey, hey! Watch it with the shoving— “ he says as he abruptly starts cracking up, “this... is designer, pffff—“ he bursts out laughing, and Amethyst herself wheezes hysterically. 

“Oh, oh— wait, get this— is it... DIOR-mand brand? HAAAAAAA—“ and they cackle hysterically at that pun in unison, losing their breaths and kneeling on the floor as Pearl and Garnet watch.

“Garnet!” Pearl says, “What do you think of our dashing prince tonight— isn’t he so charming?” she says as she raises her hand, gesturing at Steven. 

“Yes. Prince Cutie-pie the III,” Garnet comments, and they all laugh together as Spinel watches from the very top of the stairs, peeking down at them, crestfallen. She stands very still in hopes they don’t notice her.

They... really were a family, weren’t they. The perfect family. 

Spinel had accepted she was never going to be a part of that, too. 

Spinel sighs and enters the bedroom, quietly closing the door behind her. Her breath hikes a bit at the memory of his mother after seeing Steven like that— of course, he had to wear his mother’s clothes for the party— yet she didn’t expect it, and it completely took her by surprise. 

Yet, if she hated his mother so much, who brought her so much pain and loneliness... 

Why did she find him so incredibly attractive dressed like that? 

Especially since he altered it to fit his sturdier physique. She brings a hand to her chest, panting as her face blushes. She shuts her eyes, suddenly fantasizing about him and her together, sensually removing his long white gloves, undressing him— 

But her perversive thoughts are interrupted by a couple knocks on the door, and Spinel squeaks as the noise startles her. She takes a step back and takes a deep breath, calming herself down, opening the door for whoever’s outside. 

It was Steven, she sees, as his head peeks out for her. He grins at her playfully, very eager to start the night.

Spinel gulps and clears her throat at the sight of him— as he pushes the door and walks forward, dressed so elegantly and attractively for her, she can’t help but walk backwards and land seated on the bed, looking up at him towering over her.

“Uh, um... ah,” she stammers, unsure of what to say. 

He observes her clothes, only to see that she hasn’t changed into any formalwear like she was supposed to. He very gracefully points at her with a finger— blissfully unaware of not only his physical transformation, but also of his _mental_ transformation to his princely self.

How funny, she thinks— after he tried so hard to resist his royal fate, only to completely sell it to her, convincing her that he had been a proud monarch all along.

”Why haven’t you gotten dressed for the ball? I thought you were coming with me.”

Spinel finally responds after staring at him a little too long— “I-I-I,” she stutters trying to come up with an excuse. She looks up at his rosy visage, his sun-kissed freckles adorning his nose and cheeks— his skin free of imperfections, unlike hers— and then it clicks. 

Spinel brings her hands to her cheeks, concealing his scars. “I-I don’t want to show my face at the b-ball, I’m— I’m hideous, Universe.”

Steven chuckles as he blows a curl from his hair off his forehead, and sits beside her on the bed. 

“You’re not hideous, Spinel. In my opinion,” he says as he leans back on the bed, pressing his palms down behind his back, “your scars make you look pretty, I mean, uh—“ he gets flustered as he realized he called her pretty, and Spinel’s face perks up and he panics— “pretty punctual— I mean, I mean— shit—“ where’d he get punctual from?! “uh, I mean badass,” he says gazing up at her, clearing his throat after the awkward moment.

Spinel groans quietly to herself. She doesn’t want to look badass, or punctual for that matter, she thinks. She wants to look pretty for him. 

She wants to be beautiful. 

She almost buys into it— convinced— but she remembers the Diamonds will identify her in the crowd and force her to return to the Homeworld with them. “No no no, t-that’s not enough. ‘M, sorry, I can’t go— I, I can’t show my face, or everyone will laugh at me! Or, or, run in fear away from us, I j-just won’t do that to ya—“ 

Steven sighs. “Hm. I have an idea... Don’t worry, Spinel— you won’t have to show your face at all. Now get dressed,” he says as he lifts himself up from the bed. 

Huh? What does that even mean? 

Steven pulls out his phone and texts the Diamonds— their pearls having been given cellphones to communicate with him— and presses send. “There we go!” 

Spinel tilts her head up at him, and was about what that was for— but Steven takes her hand to pull her up— “Okay, now you can go to the ball,” he says as he looks at her warmly. 

“Ah, hm...“ she mutters, losing her breath. 

“Do you trust me?” he says as he holds his hand out.

“Wh-What?” she swears she’s heard him say that before— but in a whole different world. 

“Do you trust me?” 

Spinel hesitates, unsure if she’ll even be able to return to Earth after this, but... yes, she does. She does trust him. 

She takes his hand and he lifts her up— gently guiding her to the mirror to look at herself.

“Okay, Spinel,” he squeals. “Reform into a fancy party-dress!”

“Uh— okay,” she shapeshifts, blinding Steven with a glimmering pink light, and is now wearing a short, pink sleeveless party dress for him. 

Steven clasps his hands together with joy. “Oh, you look perfect! Isn’t this exciting?! I wasn’t initially too happy about this ball, but now that you’re here with me to keep me company, I can’t wait to get to the palace!” 

Spinel blushes. “T-Thanks.” 

Steven notices her face is barren and walks to his drawer— as he opens one of the storage compartments he pulls out a box. 

He gestures for Spinel to sit on the bed, placing it next to him— he opens it, revealing a collection of makeup. 

“Wh-Why... do you have that?” she points down at it as she sees the array of lipsticks, blushes, mascaras, eyeshadows, and the like.

“Oh, uh,” he clears his throat. “T-This is just a secret between the two of us, Spinel, but...” he mumbles, “I actually kind of like putting on makeup. But just on my own like this— nobody really knows.”

Spinel’s eyes glimmer as she looks up at him. T-That’s... so endearing. 

And once again, so, so much like his mother, who also enjoyed putting on makeup.

“I thought... you’d be my first test subject, hah,” he mutters as he begins selecting the makeup products for her— he looks up at her for a second to observe her clothing and visage— making her avert her gaze in embarrassment— and then he gets to work.

She watches him very elegantly remove his satin gloves for her, and her breath hikes. He places them on the side. 

Steven looks across from Spinel and nears her face, rubbing his hands with some kind of moisturizer— “stand very still”—he smiles, and starts massaging her face. She flinches at his touch, but after he rubs it into her skin she starts to relax. “Sorry, it’s a bit cold to the touch, isn’t it— just wanted to moisturize your face,” he mumbles under her breath as he finishes. 

Steven then grabs a makeup sponge and a transparent powder and dabs it on her face— using it as foundation. He then puts its down to take out a blush, and pats it onto her cheeks. She starts wrinkling her nose as she breathes in the powder, and she lets out a quiet sneeze. 

Steven pauses for a moment— as that was unexpected, and very very cute of her, but nevertheless he continues. “Blush...”

He closes the compact case and puts all the things he used back inside the box, and he moves onto the eyeshadow. He selects a palette that matches her dress— “Close your eyes, Spinel,”— and applies it to her eyelids. He inches even closer to her face, and Spinel can feel his breath fan her face as he does so, making Spinel breathe rapidly. He then lines her eyes with eyeliner, and concludes her eyes by fluffing her lashes with a black mascara. He puts all of the items away once he’s done. 

Finally, he takes out two seperate lipsticks— a black one and a pink one, and holds them out for her in his palms. 

“Do you want pink or black lipstick, Spinel?” he asks her, looking up at her face. 

Spinel looks at the lipsticks— and reaches her arm out to take one— but suddenly her arm starts trembling, as she struggles to pick one. 

She reached out for the pink one at first, but her body didn’t let her, and she felt forced to hover over the black one instead. 

She struggles like this in front of Steven for a minute, shaking her hand back and forth above the two colors, leaving him confused.

Why... is she so conflicted about whether she wants the pink or the black lipstick?

Steven chuckles anxiously as he notices her whimpering now— “H-How about I pick it for you, hah?” 

Spinel nods and sighs in relief as he closes his palms— the lipsticks out of sight.

What was up with her?

Why does she suddenly have two different favorite colors? 

“Let’s go for... pink, heheh!” he says, putting the other one to the side, and he then nears her face— incredibly, incredibly close this time— tilting his head as he meticulously applies lipstick to her parted lips. 

Spinel can hardly breathe. She feels like he’s leaning in to kiss her right now, as his mouth is parted in front of hers as well, in deep focus as he finishes her makeup.

And as he does so, she can’t help but recall the memory of his mother putting lipstick on for her in her bedroom before every ball, centuries and centuries ago. 

Steven concludes, and asks her to smack her lips together, and she does. 

“Perfect,” he says, as he holds up a small mirror for her. “Do you like it...?” he asks, as she looks at her new appearance. 

Spinel stammers at the sight— she can’t believe he made her look actually somewhat pretty for once, just as she thought she was doomed with her disgusting scars and eye bags.

“I... I,” she mutters in disbelief. 

“You look super pretty tonight, Spinel. He says as he places his hand over her. Spinel blushes intently as he stares at her, and once again looks to the side to avoid him. 

He closes the box once he puts everything away and stands up, holding it in his hand— he extends his other hand to her, and she takes it as he lifts her up. 

Spinel takes his gloves for him and rubs her hands onto them— they’re so soft, and so expensive and luxurious, she observes. 

She walks up to the mirror to look at her new look for the ball— and after Steven put away his makeup box, he places his hands by her shoulders in support, making her stand very still.

He finally gives in as he looks at her reflection.

“Beautiful.” 

Spinel’s heart stops— as she can’t believe he thought she was beautiful. This has to be a dream, right!?

Steven really has the urge to affectionately nuzzle his cheek against hers right now, tell her how proud of her he is for coming with him, but he resists as he clears his throat. 

Spinel however, was too distracted looking at their reflections: Spinel in her gown, and Steven in his princely attire. They look like... a royal couple, she notices— and she can’t help but giggle quietly to herself as they prepare to head out together. 

Spinel looks up at him, who seperated himself from her, and extends his hands out, fluttering his fingers playfully for her. 

Huh? 

She looks down at the gloves in his her hands. Oh— she wants them to put them on for him? 

Steven smiles, and she takes them, sliding one into her hand. Her breath hikes as she does this, and she looks up at him for a moment, mouth gaped— and then she looks down to insert the other one. 

As she finishes, he clasps her hands together. “Let’s go,” he says, as he wraps an arm around hers, heading out the door. 

They step down the stairs together, and Amethyst gasps. “Aw, you two look so cute together!” she says as she cups her cheeks. 

Pearl, however, doesn’t seem too excited to see them like this— but as Steven seems happy, she plays along anyway— “Oh, goodness! Let me get my phone and take a picture—“ she says as she summons her phone from her gem. 

Spinel pants anxiously as Steven wraps his arm around her waist to pull her closer to him, and he smiles at the camera. He rubs his cheek against hers for a moment— trying to prompt her to smile too— but really, he just wanted to feel her soft skin against his for a moment, even if he refuses to admit it. After crying against her cheek the other day, he admits he missed her touch. 

“Okay, now stand very still...” Pearlsays as she holds up the phone and takes a picture as they both smile together— “There!” she says, as the camera shutters. Steven chuckles, and takes Spinel’s hand to look at the picture as Pearl holds it up for him. 

“Uh...” mutters Steven, confused.

“Hm?” says Pearl, unfazed. 

“P-Pearl, you just zoomed in really close to my f-face, cropping Spinel out— you were supposed to—“ but suddenly he’s cut by Garnet, who had just stomped onto the warp pad, startling him with her loud footsteps.

“We’re gonna be late. Let’s go.” 

Pearl quickly shuts the phone and laughs awkwardly— “Oh, ho ho, will you look at that! Looks like we’re out of time— let’s go!” she says as she takes Amethyst’s hand and pulls her to the warp pad. 

Steven looks back at Spinel and shrugs, chuckling. He walks forward— Spinel rolling her eyes over Pearl— and she clings onto him. 

As they’re all stepped on the warp pad together standing very still, they’re suddenly surrounded by a bright, white, light, and float up together, bidding farewell to Beach City as they travel to Homeworld. 

This’ll be so much fun! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we’re 6th place in terms of word count for the steven/spinel ship :) 
> 
> and once we reach 112k, we’ll be 5th, and once we reach 123k, we’ll be 4th. 4th PLACE— ISN’T THAT AWESOME


	37. Heir Apparent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gems arrive to Homeworld for the ball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofread

Spinel, Steven, and the Gems warp into Homeworld, specifically to the main entrance of the ballroom. 

Spinel looks up at the incredibly ornamented room, as memories of the elegant palace come back to her. She hadn’t been inside these halls in months— she wonders where Pearl is? 

Spinel can hear hundreds of gems muttering and orchestral instruments tuning inside the ballroom, meaning the celebration was about to begin. 

Steven Universe was about to step off of the platform— until a Pearl extends her arm for him to hold, and he walks down with her to a lounge room, preparing him for his grand entrance. 

A trio of ruby guards stomp behind him, protecting their precious prince. Steven turns his head around to see Spinel, but there are two many gems crowding around him, watching him walk away. 

The Crystal Gems enter the ballroom to get into their positions, leaving Spinel in the middle of the entrance, alone— where was she supposed to go? 

_Ahem_ , she hears someone mutter beside her. 

Huh? Who was that? Spinel mumbles to herself as she looks to the side— and sees Pearl. White Diamond’s Pearl, that is. 

“P-Pearlie?” she flinches, anxious to see her. 

Pearl warmly smiles at her. “Hello, Spinel.”

“Y-You’re not mad at me—? For leavin’ ya?” she says as Pearl wraps an arm around her, holding her hand as she guides her to the ballroom. 

“Well... I was quite upset originally,” she says as she walks with Spinel— and then she leans closer to her and places a hand in front of her mouth, whispering in her ear: “but I couldn’t help but notice how handsome Pink Diamond is,” she giggles. 

Spinel chuckles shyly— “Ahah, yeah, he sure is cute...!” 

“I understand now why you felt the need to chase after him— I thought you were being ridiculous at first— but I hadn’t seen the prince in two years, and now he’s grown so much! More than before! And he’s so charismatic and powerful, too, leading the colony like that— “

“He truly has the power of a Diamond,” she concludes— and Spinel’s breath hikes at the sound of that. 

The power... of a Diamond? 

Spinel hadn’t... thought about that. Steven was strong, sure, but he had always been such a dorky guy, she couldn’t really see him as an all-powerful leader, honestly. 

As Spinel walks with Pearl, she sees all the elite gems, the ones she used to entertain, crowd around eachother in two halves of the room, making way for the new arrivals. 

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl had been positioned, with Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot beside them. Spinel can also spot some humans too— is that... Lars? 

We see Lars standing, surrounded by the off-colors. He laughs as Padparascha makes another horrible failed prediction. He’s wearing some kind of military attire and boots, as well as a dashing cape— and catches Spinel walking in front of him alongside Pearl from the corner of his eye, and he gapes his mouth. 

“H-Hi,” Spinel mouths, waving her hand up. Lars himself waves hello as Spinel is guided to her spot, besides Pearl and the other Pearls. 

Lars chuckles awkwardly at the sight of Spinel like that. She was wearing a dress, and her hair was down, and— then suddenly, Padparascha interrupts his thoughts, raising a finger. 

“Oh, my stars! I predict that Spinel, Lars’ crush, will arrive at the ball, looking beautifully!” she says, and Lars covers her mouth to shush her. “Shshshshshsh! Paddy, you’ll blow my cover! I told you— inconspicious!” 

Spinel clears her throat as she finds herself besides Yellow and Blue Pearl— she thought she wouldn’t see them ever again, and she was so relieved to, especially Yellow, but here she was, serving the Diamonds with them again. 

“Oh, back so soon, _Spessartite?_ ” snickers Yellow Pearl, and Blue Pearl can’t help but giggle beside her. 

Pink Pearl shoves her playfully— “Oh, come on, Yellow! Be nice! And her name is _Spinel_.” 

“Guess her plans to woo her Prince Charming failed after all, pfff—“ whispers Yellow in Blue’s ear, and as Spinel overhears, she grits her teeth and growls. 

Pink Pearl grips her hand and looks down at her, trying to calm her down. She shakes it a bit.

“You’ll get your Happily Ever After, okay Spinel? Don’t listen to them.” 

Spinel exhales and smiles up at her in admiration. She feels so, so, guilty for leaving her— her best friend— behind. 

She had to make it up to her somehow. 

As the crowd’s murmurs quiet down, and the orchestral band goes silent, all of the gems straighten themselves in preparation for the arrival of the Diamonds— the four gem monarchs of Homeworld. 

And that included Steven. Spinel gulps as she imagines him entering in his royal attire— could he really have the power of a Diamond? 

As the flying Aquamarines open the curtains, Blue Diamond was the first to appear, elegantly holding her arms up for all who gaze upon her. 

“Behold, the opulent Blue Diamond—the cruel enforcer of Homeworld’s law, now turned into the planet’s compassionate mender!” proudly says the announcer. 

It seems that the Diamonds had now adapted to and accepted their new roles as of Era Three.

The elites all bow down to her, and Spinel follows, as she glides towards her throne and sits down. Blue Pearl steps out of her position to stand beside her, patiently waiting for the other Diamonds to arrive. 

“And now, for the influential Yellow Diamond— former military commander and strategist of Homeworld’s fleets— now the planet’s engineer.” 

It appears that Yellow Diamond is the one responsible for repairing and rebuilding Homeworld in preparation for the new era.

The curtains open again to reveal Yellow Diamond, who powerfully marches down the pathway with her hands raised as the elites again bow down to her— Yellow Pearl comes out of the position and follows her to her seat. 

And finally, appears White Diamond— whose silhouette illuminates the room, nearly blinding all who see her. 

“And of course, here comes the lustrous and magnificent White Diamond— the ruler of Homeworld!”

White Diamond waves to her loyal subjects as she passes by, and as she does so, Spinel covers her face in hopes she doesn’t see her, as everyone bows. 

The trio of Diamonds finally sit down together, and the elites raise themselves up to applaud their presence. 

The ballroom goes silent as they await the final, _most important_ , in Spinel’s opinion,  Diamond. 

“And finally, the one you’ve all been waiting for, the liberator of the galaxies and the savior of Homeworld— the half-human prince and the heir apparent to the planet Earth— whose precious life was graced to us on this beloved day— he we once lost who has finally returned to us all— _Pink Diamond!_ ” 

Steven in his princely suit then appears, his eyes closed as he lifts his chin up, striding down the path as all the gems gasp in amazement to see Pink Diamond, the abdicated monarch to Homeworld’s fourth throne finally return.

Steven stands tall and clenches his gloved hands as he himself powerfully, like Yellow, yet gracefully, like Blue, steps down the aisle— his subjects bowing down one by one for him— leaving Spinel dumbfounded as she sees that Steven has completely embraced his royal destiny at this moment.

She can’t help but get excited— her plan to make him prince again and take over as Pink Diamond again is working!!

Pearl nudges Spinel as she sees her still standing, and Spinel quickly bows down as he passes her by. 

She looks up at him for a fleeting moment— meeting his eye— and he winks at her, making Spinel’s heart stop. 

“O-Oh my stars, I think the prince winked at me!” whispers a Ruby guard as she faints in her Amethyst’s arms. 

Spinel quietly chuckles to herself, rolling her eyes. The gems around her murmur about Steven, commenting on how handsome and tall he is, or whatever.

The Diamonds all stand in unison, gracing the ballroom with their presence— and bow before their subjects as they applaud them altogether. 

“Now, now,” sighs White Diamond, gracefully lowering her arm down to silence the crowd. “Although all four of us Diamonds are here on this momentous occassion— it is Pink Diamond’s day, as today we celebrate his 18th birthday, an extremely special national holiday here on Homeworld!” 

Steven steps up to show himself, smiling at the crowd— and they all cheer for him, as he proudly waves a hand to all who see him. 

As Spinel observes him and the incredibly impactful presence he has in the room... she truly sees now that he has fully inherited the powers of a Diamond.

And all along, she was walking in his footsteps, following him around all this time as his friend. Isn’t that funny? 

“And unfortunately,” Blue sadly admits, “today is also the anniversary of his mother’s, Pink Diamond’s— Rose’s, death, our beloved late princess,” she says. As Blue Diamond starts to tear up, so do all the gems that surround her— including Spinel, who wipes a tear from her eyes. 

“But fret not!” comments Yellow Diamond as she aggressively flutters her eyelashes as they water. “Because at Steven’s insistence, he is committed to make this night as jovial as possible for all to enjoy— as he has declared this ball to be... a masquerade ball, in fact!” 

Huh?! 

Suddenly, the bowing gems all rise up to put on their masks— including Pink Pearl, who Spinel looks up to in confusion. She summons a Pink mask from her gem. 

“The prince told me to give you this, Spinel,” she smiles as she passes it to her, kindly putting her hand over hers for a moment before letting go. Spinel looks down at it for a moment and puts it on. 

So that’s what he meant when he said she wouldn’t have to show her face... he changed the party into a masquerade ball for her. 

Oh, how brilliant her Diamond is. 

“Now,” Steven suddenly announces, causing Spinel to jolt up at the sound of his voice, “let the festivities begin!” he smiles widely, raising his arms up as the crowd claps one last time, many cheering for him and calling out his name. 

Spinel looks at him from the crowd as she sees the ringlets of his hair frame his rosy face. He looks so handsome tonight, she thinks, holding her hands to her chest. 

The orchestra starts playing, and the gems scatter around the ballroom, officially commencing the ball. 

“I must attend to my Diamond now, Spinel. I’ll see you later, okay?” says Pearl. Spinel nods as she skips away, poshly waving goodbye to her.

Maybe she should fare to her Diamond, too, she thinks. She groans as she realizes she’s back to where she started, attending the ball with her beloved Diamond.

Then again, it comes so naturally to her.

Spinel was set on seeing Steven, but as she walks towards him, she finds him seated on his throne, greeting rows of gems who have come to see him— sending him their blessings and congratulations, giving him presents and gifts, thanking him for liberating them and saving the galaxy, and so on. 

Just another day in the life of Steven Universe, the crowned prince of Homeworld, she recalls. Spinel sighs.

Suddenly, Pearl— our Pearl— strides by— and stands right next to Spinel as they both watch Steven greet his subjects one by one. 

“Powerful, isn’t he?” she comments as she observes him, nudging Spinel’s shoulder.

Spinel groans as she touches her, but complies anyway as what she’s saying is quite true, she admits— “Y-Yes, Pearl.” 

“It’s a shame he’s too distracted now to pay you any mind, Spinel,” she comments nonchalantly, making Spinel wince.

“You know it’s going to be like this for the rest of your lives, right? He’ll never be able to make time for you, knowing how busy he is serving his roles as the shining prince of Homeworld and the leader of his gem colony on Earth,” she chuckles. 

Spinel stays quiet and looks down at her heels in shame. She usually doesn’t listen to Pearl, but she really was right. Steven has so many responsibilities at hand, and he’s so valuable to both Homeworld and Beach City— how could he possibly make time to be with her? She was supposed to be his date, but here she was in the sidelines tonight, watching him fulfill his duties, barely noticing that she’s there.

“I wish you the best of luck in your little game, Spinel,” she says as she walks back to Bismuth. “You’ll need it.” 

Spinel sighs and looks up at Steven, who’s standing as he takes the last of his expensive gifts, taking a break. Steven catches her from the corner of his eye and waves at her, and Spinel walks up to him, but one of his Ruby guards blocks her way, and she can’t get to him. 

She clenches her fists, trying to be civil in front of the Diamonds, and goes back to her original position. Spinel then sees that Steven is back on his throne, looking up at the Diamonds who are speaking to him. 

“Oh, Steven. You’re a natural,” comments White Diamond as she waves to her subjects. “You’re so good at hosting these balls, just like Pink was...” she sighs.

Steven laughs awkwardly as he signs a gem’s autograph, “Hahah, thanks, White,” he says as as he returns it to her— and she squeals as she walks away. 

“You’d fare so well here with us at the palace, Steven— why can’t you come back home?” whines Blue as she brings a hand to her chin, leaning on the handle of her throne. 

Steven flinches at the sound of that— as proud as he was of his gem heritage, Homeworld was _not_ his home.

“Come on, Blue— you know Earth is my home. I’m the heir of the planet, remember? It’s my duty to look after it,” he says between gritted teeth, a bit pissed off now after having to remind her again and again. 

Yellow cuts in— “Well, I was empress of sixty different planets and you don’t see me living in any of them, do you? The Earth is so putrid and disgusting, Steven— you’d be so much happier and safer here, living like royalty.”

“As he deserves,” concludes White, smiling. Blue and Yellow nod in agreement, as Steven rolls his eyes. Every time he visited them was like this, which is why he barely does anymore. He loves his aunts, but...

”Little Homeworld seems far too boring for him, anyway— he needs stronger stimulation for his intelligent mind! He needs something—“ or someone?— “that can challenge him, while also bring him endless joy,” says Blue as she brings a hand to her cheek, humming as she admires her beloved Pink Diamond.

Yellow changes the subject.

“Th-That girl you were with before, what was her name again, White—?” asks Yellow as she snaps her fingers, trying to remember.

“Ah, the human? Her name was Constance, I believe,” says White proudly as she raises a compact mirror to her face, applying her black lipstick. Steven tries to correct her, as her name is Connie, but Blue interrupts.

“You mean Steven’s little pet?” giggles Blue— and Steven twitches. He’s not sure how much more of this he can take. “I feel she’s become far too much of a distraction for him, personally.” 

“Oh, I most definitely agree,” replies Yellow. “She’s just a simple human peasant girl— he should marry a gem instead! An elite, specifically!” 

“That’s absolutely brilliant, my Diamond!” comments White. “We can select the most powerful and most beautiful member of each of our courts, and they’ll be his bachelorettes! He can go on dates with each of them!”

“Ooh, ooh!” comments a tiny nasally voice—Yellow Pearl’s, specifically, “and we can broadcast it to all of Homeworld every week, like one of those human reality shows!” she snorts. “M-My Diamond,” she quickly adds. 

White Diamond gasps, and the other Diamonds nod in agreement. “My stars, that would just be perfect, wouldn’t it! We must plan this show immediately— he is a star, after all—” she clasps her hands and looks down. “What do you say, Stev— huh?” The Diamonds mutter to eachother in confusion. Where’d he go?

But Steven’s nowhere in sight— and instead he’s halfway across the aisle, stomping out of the ballroom with his fists clenched in anger. Their precious heir apparent is completely fed up with their control over his life. 

The elites watch him as he storms out, and they all gasp as the ballroom goes silent and the music stops playing. Spinel takes notice, and rushes after him, shoving anyone in her way— he’s finally relieved of his duties, she can’t miss her chance with him now! 

As Steven runs down the stairs— a bit emotional now, he drops his slipper— far too distracted with his frustrated thoughts to notice. He escapes into the palace courtyard, and Spinel loses sight of him. “H-Hey, Steven, where ya goin’, buddy!” 

Spinel notices his slipper on the staircase and picks it up. “Hmm. You forgot your foot-thong thingy!” 

She takes it with her as she runs after her prince who had fled his own ball. As she looks for him in a hedge-maze, surrounding by roses, she can’t help but get anxious at the sight of all the greenery— where the hell is he? If he leaves the ball for good, he won’t fulfill his destiny as the prince of Homeworld, and he won’t have his Happily Ever After! 

Who will be the heir apparent to Pink Diamond’s throne now?!


	38. Disobedient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel catches up to Steven in the maze.

As Spinel dashes through the hedge maze, she hyperventilates at the sight of roses— despite being surrounded by beautiful greenery on Earth, she still can’t stand the sight of beautiful flowers as they trigger her! 

Spinel hikes up her dress higher so she can run better, clenching Steven’s slipper in his hand. She goes around the maze in search of Steven— but he’s nowhere in sight. She can barely breathe at this point as the aroma of roses invade her nose— she has to get out of here! 

She... suddenly hears someone singing? And playing the guitar? 

_ I think about all the wasted time I spent  ♫ _

_ I wanna be  ♫ _

_ Disobedient ♫ _

“Steven? Steven!” she calls out for— but he can’t hear her from so far.

_ I shoot awake wondering where my summers went  ♫ _

_ I wanna be  ♫ _

_ Disobedient  ♫ _

_ Disobedient, disobedient  ♫ _

She runs closer to the source, and as she sees him across a hedge, she calls out for him again— Steven! 

Steven stops playing and looks up at her— “Spinel! What are you doin’ here?” he says as he jumps up to see her, putting his guitar down. He slips his satin gloves back on. 

Spinel extends her legs across the hedge to reach him— and as she lands she nearly fumbles, and he grips her in his arms. She quickly lets go, laughing awkwardly. 

“Ah, gee, sorry— it’s— it’s just that I saw you stormin’ out all mad like that outta tha’ ballroom, n’ I thought you could u’sa friend,” she says as he rubs the back of her head. 

Steven sighs and walks towards a marble garden bench and sits down. Spinel follows, sitting beside him.

They sit down together for a second, admiring the scenery. 

Steven finally speaks up.

“You saw that little outburst, huh? Pathetic, I know,” he chuckles weakly. 

She doesn’t really know what to say. Why was he so mad, that he had to leave the ballroom? She thought he liked being Pink Diamond? 

“Huh? B-But I thought you were enjoyin’ the ball?” 

Steven rolls his eyes and scoffs— leaning back on the bench. “Pfff, no. Not at all. In fact, I hate all those stupid parties,” he says in frustration. 

“Whaaa—?!” she gasps. “But the Diamonds throw so many for ya! And you’re so chars’matic and sociable an’ stuff!” she says. 

“...Yeah, I may be good at this whole public speaking and party planning stuff, like my mom was, but that doesn’t mean I like it! All these these royal parties, they’re too...”

“—Robotic?” she interrupts, completing his sentence. 

Steven looks up at her and laughs. “Yeah. Exactly. Of course you get it, you’ve lived through this a thousand times as a court jester in the palace.”

“Oh, yeah. Whooooole lotta traumatic memories those parties gave me, I tell ya,” she jokes, and he just snorts as he bursts out laughing in front of her, covering his mouth. 

There goes that romantic, boyish laugh again. The one that always melts her heart.

Spinel sighs. 

“That’s... so wacky, though. I thought you— I thought you liked all the attention, bein’ in the spotlight like that. You’re like, made for it, honestly. Everyone adores ya. Thought that was your thing— if I didn’t know you any betta’ I would’a thought you was raised in that palace all your life.”

Steven bites his lip— trying not to laugh as he looks at her. “Gosh, you really... really don’t know me at all, do you, Spinel.” 

Spinel’s heart drops as he says that. Is that true? Maybe... “Maybe... maybe I don’t know you at all,” she mumbles, ashamed as she looks down. 

Steven wants to plant his hand over hers to cheer her up, but he resists the urge. _Stop being so affectionate with her, Steven— remember you have Connie._

Steven clears his throat as he changes the subject. “I’m... sorry you had to see me like that,” he confesses.

“I know that outburst must have reminded you of my mom,” he confesses, staring to the side, disappointed in himself.

“Oh, yeah... she would sometimes get so fed up with the Diamonds, she’d just storm out like you just did—“ and as she says that, she realizes that Steven was absolutely identical to her in that way. She stammers a bit, trying to save herself. 

“Familiar, isn’t it?” he lets out a high-pitched groan as he looks up at the night sky for fresh air. He admires the galaxy for a moment. Spinel blushes as he sees the stars reflect in his brown eyes. 

She looks at him for some time— entranced— but as he notices her staring at him she shuts her eyes and shakes her head, snapping out of it. 

This time, she changes the subject.

“W-Why did you leave? What happened?” she asks. 

Steven sighs as he looks back down. “It was the Diamonds again. They... are just so controlling. I’ve told them hundreds of times that I like being human, that I’m done being a gem! I love my gem heritage, of course, but after losing my entire childhood to battling corrupt monsters and fighting enemy gems and mending the Diamonds’ and saving the world three, or how many times I lost count, I’m kind of sick of it!” he rants, and Spinel can’t help but giggle as he mentions all of his accomplishments. 

“You... really are the savior of the galaxy, aren’t you,” she says looking up at Steven— and he blushes, his pupils contracting as she says that. He shuts his eyes and exhales, looking at the courtyard. 

“I’m— I’m not— I just. I want to be normal, okay? I’ve never had the chance to just be a normal teenager, ever — and as my birthday’s today and I’m legally an adult on Earth, I-I’m kind of freaking out!” he panics, cupping his hands to his face. “Time’s just passing by so, so quickly, and I can’t keep up, there’s nothing I can do about it,” he starts rambling. “I have the power to freeze time, sure, but still—!” he starts panting.

Spinel squeezes his hand to calm him down. “I know how that feels, Steven. Losin’ so much time like this. But it’s not all that bad, ya know?” 

“I-It’s not?” he asks, looking at her. 

“I mean, if I hadn’t waited 6,000 years in that garden, I would’ve never met you, silly!” she grins as she says so in a high pitched voice, eerily similar to her past self, trying to make the mention of the garden seem positive for him.

Steven can’t help but notice her discomfort as she mentions it anyway. though. She was so strong, he thought. To just casually mention her trauma like that and shrug it off so he doesn’t worry. 

Steven chokes up a bit as he smiles. “Y-Yeah. I, I suppose that’s right. Something good did come out of all that time— it wasn’t wasted at all, was it. Everything happened at the perfect moment, just when I succeeded Pink Diamond.” Spinel nods. 

Steven realizes he probably would have never met her if she had left earlier— she would’ve just been another robotic gem on Homeworld. 

“What do you want to be then, Steven?” asks Spinel after a silence. “Since you don’t want to be Pink Diamond.”

Steven furrows his brow trying to think— and he looks at her— and suddenly it clicks.

“I... wish I could be like you, Spinel,” he says playfully.

Huh— What? “Huh? Like me?” 

“Yeah— I mean, everytime you act so goofy and carefree, I get so jealous— because I used to be like that...! And now that I have all these responsibilities piling up and all this lost time, I can’t experience that anymore. But as I watch you, I-I absorb those feelings, and it fulfills me anyway, somehow.”

“That’s probably why I like being with you so much...”

“Really?”

“Y-Yeah. Even though you’re 6,000 years older than me, you make me feel... young again?” He chuckles awkwardly. 

“Which I love! Because I loved my childhood, even if I only healthily experienced a bit of it before discovering my gem powers and finding myself in the middle of an intergalactic war, hah. Whereas with Connie... everytime I talk to her she’s always bringing up college, and her part-time job, and her internship, and her future, and, and— she’s just matured so much, and is going so many places, and I’m just...”

“Stuck in the same spot,” she finishes. 

Steven sighs in relief as she understands him— of course she does—but he also playfully shoves her as he realizes she’s completed his sentences time and time again, always finding the perfect words to say.

Like a puzzle.

She really, really, really, gets him, doesn’t she.

Where has she been all his life?

Suddenly, a butterfly hovers over Spinel and lands on her nose— she looks down at it, cross eyed. “Pfffff-!” laughs Steven. 

But Spinel freaks out, and screams— she then launches herself at Steven, cowering on his shoulder. She’s whimpering in fear. Steven very awkwardly holds her as she’s in shock.

Is Spinel... scared of butterflies? 

“Do you not like butterflies? I thought you would.” 

“N-No, not anymore,” she parts, wiping her face. “They were my only company in the garden, so...”

So they remind her of it. Steven understands and holds her hand— they sit in silence until Spinel interrupts.

“What else happened between the Diamonds?” she asks. 

Steven groans and shuts his eyes at the memory. “Oh, so, so much. After seeing me dressed like Pink Diamond again— they started comparing me to her, begging me to live with them.” 

Spinel remembers how lonely she was at the palace during her years with the Diamonds— and even though she wished he could have lived with her, she understands how that was wrong now. 

“I told them no— that my life is on Earth. With my dad, and the gems, and with Homeschool, and with Beach City— and with Connie!” Steven exhales— but he starts heating up. “Oh, you won’t believe what the Diamonds said about Connie,” he says as clenches his fists. “They said she was a distraction for me, and they thought she was my “pet” and that she was lesser because she was human—“ and then he chokes up laughing in disbelief, “oh, get this— they said I should date and marry a GEM instead! Can you believe that?!” 

Wait— what?

“Me—? Marrying a GEM?” he scoffs. “After all this gem stuff had taken over my life— wasting all my time?! I just want to be a normal human on Earth from now on, and actually live my life— I’m never marrying a gem! That’s like, a _downward spiral!_ ” 

And then Spinel’s heart just _sinks_. 

She just suddenly gets so sad, she swears she starts whimpering a bit. H-He doesn’t wanna marry her? Is he saying they were doomed from the start, and that she had been wasting her time all along? I, I—

But suddenly Steven cuts off her thoughts, looking at the sky.

“I wish I could just turn back time and pretend this ball never happened,” he admits, completely oblivious to her emotions as she starts tearing up quietly.

“Oh, oh,” he says as he removes a glove and picks up his guitar— one he had stored in his gem— and starts playing for her. “I know this Sadie and the Suspects song that totally expresses exactly what I feel about this whole royal arrangement, check it out—“ and he starts singing and playing, rocking out— totally blocking out Spinel’s cries as he’s so excited to show her. 

_ I've been good, m’am  ♫ _

_ So very, very good for what?  ♫ _

_ And I've given you  ♫ _

_ Every single thing I got  ♫ _

_ It's feeling strange, ‘mand  ♫ _

_ This whole arrangement  ♫ _

_ Is gonna end with me totally deranged, ‘mand  ♫ _

But just as he’s playing, Spinel stands up and rushes out the maze, crying— 

But Steven doesn’t notice as he was focusing on his music the whole time. 

_ I think about all the wasted time I spent  ♫ _

_ I wanna be  ♫ _

Spinel dashes through the maze— retracing her steps, as if she was rewinding time. 

She finally flees the courtyard, her face covered in tears, and she rushes back up the stairs, dropping Steven’s slipper— exactly where he left it— as if she had never picked it up  at all.

_ Disobedient  ♫ _

_ Disobedient, disobedient  ♫ _

_ Disobedient...  ♫ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this aint ending well


	39. An Unusual Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel returns to the ballroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [an unusual prince](https://youtu.be/TXbHShUnwxY)

Spinel rushes up the stairs— black tears staining her cheeks under her mask as she sobs. 

She enters the ballroom, to see numerous gems, including Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, enjoying themselves. 

Spinel grunts in frustration and decides she doesn’t want to be recognized— so she magically changes the silhouette of her short, sleeveless dress— giving herself circular shoulder pads— and she then extends the length of her dress to her feet, and shimmies her dress so it becomes poofier and larger. 

She then taps her mask and changes its design— covering her face even more. And finally, she pulls her long hair into a bun, making her completely unidentifiable. 

Now she’s starting from scratch.

Spinel walks up the aisle— and suddenly, some of the elites notice her and murmur amongst eachother, amazed by her beauty. Blue and Yellow Diamond had stood up, socializing with the gems of their respective courts on opposite sides of the room— a change of behavior this time, as Steven wanted them to treat other gems as “equal lifeforms” for once.

As Blue Diamond notices her and how so many people are staring at her, Blue Diamond can’t help but groan and roll her eyes at the sight of Spinel’s pink dress. 

Pink is supposed to be Steven’s color, she thinks— she’s taking his spotlight! 

Blue Diamond elegantly raises a finger and points at her, sending magical sparkles her way. 

“Make it _blue_.” 

Spinel continues walking, and suddenly, Lars notices her— _who is that beautiful girl? And how come he’s never seen her before?_

And then, the announcer speaks— “Ladies and gentlegems— the dancing portion of the ball has officially begun! Please, select your dancing partner and gather at the center of the floor, for the music will begin promptly.”

Several gems change positions, looking for their partners— and Lars, who had just been admiring the mysterious girl in blue, walks up to her, red cape and all. 

“Hello,” he says, as he bows to her, looking up at her. 

“Um, hey, L—“ she stammers, confused as to why he’s approaching her like this. 

But he interrupts her, eager to be the first one to get her to the dance floor before anyone else could sweep her off her feet— and he extends his gloved hand for her. 

_ An Unusual Prince.  _

“May I have this dance, my lady?”

Spinel blushes at his name for her— looks down at him flattered— and she was initially going to reject because of Steven, but she realizes her chances with Steven are now over.

But, strangely enough, she sighs in relief. _Why is she so relieved?_ And then she finally realizes that he can’t see her face because of her mask, and that she’s wearing a different— _blue? she finally notices_ — dress. He doesn’t know it’s her! 

So she takes advantage of her new alter ego— _Spinerella_! 

“Of course,” she says, as he takes her hand and guides her to the dance floor. 

The two select a spot, and elegant, classical music begins, prompting them to sway in place. Lars looks down at her, smiling warmly towards her, and wraps his hand around her thin waist— causing her to squeak at his touch. He laughs.

Lars very swiftly guides his hand up her arm, making her shiver, and he clasps her other hand— and then, Spinel places another hand firmly on his shoulder. 

And then they dance. 

The pair glide in circles around the dance floor, looking into eachothers eyes as the move swiftly to the music.

As Spinel’s dress is flowing, she catches the attention of even more elites, this time on Yellow’s side of the room— catching her eye. She scoffs at the sight.

“Oh, the color blue is simply hideous, isn’t it,” she mutters to the members of the court below her, and they quickly nod their heads, seeking her approval— she then sighs and points at Spinel, shooting magic at her. 

“Make it _yellow_.”

And suddenly, Spinel’s dress and mask are now a golden yellow, and all eyes are on her— _Spinelle_. The crowd stares at her in amazement. 

“Who is that?!” shouts Amethyst, shoving Peridot and Lapis. 

“She’s beautiful! Love the yellow, so much like my Diamond!” says Peridot. 

“She looked better in blue, though,” mutters Lapis as she crosses her arms. 

Blue turns around as she realizes all the members were distracted by the dancing Spinel, and sees that her dress is now yellow. 

“Oh, no, no. What was Yellow Diamond thinking?! Make it blue!” 

And now, the dress is back to cobalt blue— and the crowd oohs. And as Yellow winces at the sight of the color blue again, she points at Spinel— “make it yellow!”

Lars takes her hand and raises it, causing her to spin with her large flowing dress— and the crowd ahhs as it changes color again. 

The Diamonds are becoming more and more frustrated with eachother, and they point their magic at Spinel aggressively. 

“Make it blue!” 

“Make it yellow!”

“No— make it blue!” 

“What?! Make it yellow!” 

“Make it blue!” 

“Make. It. Yellow!”

And the dress flickers blue and yellow, catching the attention of everyone in the room— including Steven who had just entered the ballroom, panting. 

Usually, all eyes would be on him as he walks in, but they’re all fixated on her— that mysterious girl in the flowing dress, flashing brightly in yellow and blue. 

_ Who the hell was that?  _

White Diamond herself becomes entranced by Spinel’s beautiful magical dress— “Pearl, who could that girl possibly be? I want her as a suitor for Steven immediately! She’s the one— the perfect gem for our prince!” 

“Make it blue!” 

“Make it yellow!”

“Make it blue!” 

As White Diamonds notices Yellow and Blue bickering back and forth, altering the color of the secret princess’s dress, she realizes that the dress shouldn’t be yellow or blue at all—

“Oh, for crying out loud— it’s Pink’s birthday!” and she’s his future bride! She herself points a finger at Spinel and transforms her dress for the final time, completely overpowering Blue and Yellow’s magic — 

“Make it **_pink!_** ” 

Lars lifts Spinel up and spins her, and suddenly her dress and mask havenow returned to its original pink color. Lars looks up at her in confusion, seeing her dress, and Steven realizes its her, and they both shout across the ballroom in unison— 

_ “Spinel?!?!”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notice how lars is wearing a red cape like the owl does in sleeping beauty only for the real prince to step in and replace him HMMMMMM. cinematic parallels


	40. Problem Solved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven solves his problem— just in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 40 CHAPTERS!! remember when i said i thought the fic was gonna be 40 chapters..... Lol. we’re not even done with the first fairytale arc (out of like 4?) 
> 
> enjoy uwu  
> proofread

_ Oh, no no no.  _

The crowned prince of Homeworld, Pink Diamond, was _not_ having this. 

He doesn’t know why— but Pink Diamond can’t help but feel especially furious at the sight of Spinel, his jester, at the hands of another man— specifically Lars, who’s so much cooler and smoother than he is.

Lars looks so princely right now with his royal cape and gloves and all— is that what Spinel prefers—? Is that why she stormed out on Steven, because he didn’t want to be the gem prince anymore—? 

Steven has to make a change, then. 

Perhaps becoming Pink Diamond wasn’t so bad after all, he thought— if it means he’s the one who wins Spinel’s heart. 

Steven shuts his eyes and shakes his head— _what is wrong with you, Steven?! You’re betrothed! To Connie!_

Why are you so jealous— there’s no reason to be jealous! Be happy for them! Snap out of it!

Steven was about to let all of this slide, until he sees since the song had ended, that Lars was down on one knee— planting a kiss on the front of Spinel’s hand, so romantically—

Oh, no, no, no. 

That is _not_ allowed. 

Steven becomes enraged as he witnesses this— and clenches his gloved fists as he marches down the aisle. Even though his eyes were focused on Lars and Spinel, specifically Lars, who he was about to go and punch—he can’t help but notice how... remarkably slugging they’re moving now— and as he looks around the room, he sees that everyone is also incredibly slow, as he himself walks normally. 

Steven pauses and looks around the ballroom, seeing all the frozen faces— he looks up at Blue and Yellow to ask what was going on, but they were frozen too! And they looked pretty angry at Spinel, too, for some reason?

Steven groans and brings a palm to his face as he realized what he’s done. He’s paused time again— with his powerful emotions, it seems.

Steven strides down the aisle towards Spinel, his slippers patting the quiet, quiet dancefloor— his steps echoing through the ballroom as he nears her. We can hear him panting in silence.

Steven stands in front of the princess. She’s completely frozen in time— smiling at Lars, bringing a hand to her cheek as she was giggling. 

He can’t stand looking at this. 

He looks over to Lars who seems completely enamored with her, too— what the hell is going on? He thought he scared him off for good.

Steven was about to shove Lars out of the way, his cruel Pink Diamond self shining through for a moment— but he restrains himself. 

Instead, Steven sighs and continues walking forward, ignoring them, and decides to sit on his throne to cool off. 

He remains in place, crossing his legs and bringing an elbow to the chair’s arm. His hand is placed on his chin, and through gritted teeth he observes the lifeless ball.

It seems the Diamond has finally accepted his place on the throne. 

He thinks back to his previous visits to the palace— and all his earliest balls. They were all so robotic, so repetitive, so devoid of passion— he thought he hated all these parties, especially when he had to host them. 

Yet, as he sees Spinel agree to dance with another suitor... why does he feel so passionate right now— so inclined to make this one right...? 

Steven shuts his eyes and groans, as he can’t believe he’s about to do this.

He gracefully raises his hand up, and begins spinning his finger counter-clockwise, rewinding time...

_ He is a Diamond, after all.  _

He opens his eyes to see everyone moving backwards, including Spinel and Lars, as they undo their dance— Steven groans _again_ as he’s forced to watch them together— until they go back to their original positions. Steven continues spinning his finger until the perfect moment— when Spinel is walking down the aisle, her dress turning blue. 

Like his favorite princess— Cinderella, he thinks. He doesn’t want Spinel switching stories and wearing gold for Lars like Beauty does. This was _his_ fairy tale. 

This was Cinderella’s ball.

Everyone had changed positions, and Spinel was back where she started. 

Steven inhales— and then exhales as he brings both his hands down, as he restarts time.

❝𝔗𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔟𝔦𝔯𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔴 𝔡𝔬𝔴𝔫 𝔱𝔬 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔞 𝔡𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔢 𝔰𝔭𝔩𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔦𝔡 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔪𝔞𝔤𝔫𝔦𝔣𝔦𝔠𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔫 𝔞𝔫𝔶 𝔰𝔥𝔢 𝔥𝔞𝔡 𝔶𝔢𝔱 𝔥𝔞𝔡, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔩𝔦𝔭𝔭𝔢𝔯𝔰 𝔴𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔭𝔲𝔯𝔢 𝔤𝔬𝔩𝔡. 𝔚𝔥𝔢𝔫 𝔰𝔥𝔢 𝔞𝔯𝔯𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔡 𝔞𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔣𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔳𝔞𝔩 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔡𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔰, 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔶𝔬𝔫𝔢 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔰𝔬 𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔫𝔦𝔰𝔥𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔶 𝔡𝔦𝔡 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔨𝔫𝔬𝔴 𝔴𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔰𝔞𝔶. 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔡𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔡 𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔶 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔥𝔢𝔯, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯 𝔞𝔫𝔶𝔬𝔫𝔢 𝔢𝔩𝔰𝔢 𝔞𝔰𝔨𝔢𝔡 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔬 𝔡𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢, 𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔰𝔞𝔶, "𝔖𝔥𝔢 𝔦𝔰 𝔪𝔶 𝔡𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔫𝔢𝔯."❞  


Suddenly, the announcer speaks again for all to hear as the crowd comes back to life: “Ladies and gentlegems— the dancing portion of the ball has officially begun! Please, select your dancing partner and gather at the center of the floor, for the music will begin promptly.”

Steven stands and strides towards Spinel, who was in the middle of the ballroom floor. He quickens the pace a bit as he sees Lars walk towards her as well, his cape flowing and his boots clanking. 

Finally, Steven grabs a hold of her, catching her by surprise— “St-Steven?!” 

Steven grazes her arms and pulls her closer— making her heart skip a bit— as he looks down at her. He brings an arm around her waist, straightening her back— her chest against his. 

“May I... have this dance?” he murmurs, smiling at her. The entire crowd gasps as they see that the prince is participating in the ball— with a mysterious gem in his arms...!

“I-I-I—“ she stammers, unsure how Steven was able to catch up to her so fast! She thought she abandoned him at the courtyard— how was he able to get through the maze so quickly?! 

Spinel averts her gaze and notices Lars standing in place, his mouth gaped, his arm hovering in the air as it seems he had tried to reach out to her, but failed. Spinel was about to point a finger at him for Steven to see, but suddenly, Lars gets pushed to the side, as Padparascha eagerly pulls his hand, asking him to dance with her— she’s far too excitable and passionate right now for him to successfully protest. 

Lars lost his chance.

Steven notices them walk away, and chuckles to himself at the sight. Perfect.

Then, the orchestra starts playing, and classical music fills the ballroom. Spinel gulps as she’s found herself in his arms now . 

Steven glides his hand up her arm, much like Lars did, making her shiver at her partner’s touch again— he gently clasps her hands and looks at her. 

He steps forward, and she steps backwards, and they glide across the ballroom together, waltzing to the romantic music. 

It seems the roles had been reversed as Steven rewinded time— as Spinel now plays the role of Cinderella, and Steven’s her Prince Charming. 

As the music intensifies as they dance, and the music is so lively,  and Steven holds her so delicately— Spinel can’t help but feel but enjoy herself all of a sudden. She notices that, even though all eyes are on him, their prized prince, Steven’s were fixated on hers the whole time.

Oh, how charming. 

Spinel finally gives in, looking down at her dress as she cracks a smile, and sways her dress back and fourth to the music, as they pace together in circles. The gems surrounding them become so distracted by her beauty, his power, and their bond, that they stop dancing altogether— stepping back to the crowd, admiring the dancing couple as the stage is theirs. 

Steven finds himself laughing, enjoying himself so much with her— and his boyish, romantic laugh is so contagious to her, she finds herself laughing too. As the music softens, Steven brings her closer to his chest— and she leans on his shoulder, sighing as she clasps his back under his arms. They sway together as the music dims, and the audience look at them dreamily. 

_Is this how it works, is she doing it right?_ She thinks...

Pearl and Blue and Yellow Pearl are in the audience— Blue and Yellow bickering, trying to figure out who the mysterious, masked girl in blue could possibly be. 

But Pearl— our Pearl— knows damn well who that is. And she wasn’t going to let her take the love of her life, her lover’s precious son— all she has left of Rose Quartz— away from her. 

Ruby and Sapphire are even seen unfused, dressed in formalwear as they hold an d lean against eachother, crying at how beautiful they are together— even though they don’t recognize Spinel, they see that she really was the answer. 

Garnet herself, however, feels differently about this blossoming romance— as he sees that Spinel is replacing Connie as his future bride. 

And Amethyst... stares at them, a bit disappointedly— crossing her arms as she sees that Steven has fully embraced his royal nature, meaning he’ll abandon her, a poor runt like her, and return to Homeworld and fulfill his duties as a royal.

Seems that all three of the Crystal Gems had a problem with Spinel. 

How were they going to solve this?

Spinel hums by his ear, and she looks up for a moment to see the entire ballroom staring at them, staring at her— Spinel begins to tense up, shaking— but Steven grips her tightly to calm her down.

“Who is that girl?!” mutters a Ruby, and Steven overhears. 

𝒮𝒽𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝓂𝓎 𝒹𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓃𝑒𝓇, he thinks to himself— quoting a line from the story of Cinderella, from Spinel’s book.

“Just focus on me, Spinel,” Steven says as he gently moves her cheek to face him so she leans on his chest. He wraps himself around her, lightly rubbing her back as they move from side to side. 

“I... I thought you didn’t want to be the prince,” mumbles Spinel, as she feels his heart beat. 

“I didn’t,” he confesses.

Huh?

”Then why—“ 

“I've got work to do. Royalty isn't going to be easy for me,” he says, as he nuzzles her forehead. “I'm gonna have to work at it.”

He leans down to whisper in her ear,  making her shiver— “but you make me wanna try.”

Spinel grips him tighter— as she can’t believe she might get her happily ever after, after all. Gradually, the music intensifies again, and Steven and Spinel find themselves dancing enthusiastically again— they giggle together as Steven seperates from her, lifting his hand up above her, so she does an elegant twirl. The crowd swoons as they look at them, entranced. 

Steven then brings her back to him, making her spin, and her back is leaning against his chest— his breath fanning against her cheek. He clasps both of his hands over hers, which are hovering over her dress, and they sway one last time. 

As the song concludes, he lets go of her, spinning her one more time as she’s overwhelmed with happiness— and he grabs her by the waist and lifts her up— the crowd cheering at the spectacular performance as the lights glow bright again. Suddenly, butterflies from the garden enter the ballroom and surround Spinel— Spinel shuts her eyes in fear at first, but after seeing how beautiful they are, she accepts them— the crowd is so pleased by the magical display.

Spinel’s hip leans against his abdomen as he looks up at her, and they amazingly rotate around the room— for all the ballroom to see— and as the music slows down and softens, he delicately places her back down, eyes fixed on hers. 

The music finally concludes, and as the lights dim, Steven brings her close to him one last time, and presses his forehead against hers, looking down as their noses touch. They hold hands, clasping tight, and the dance is over. 

The lights turn back on, and the ballroom roars, cheering and appauding wildly for them. They swear they can hear people sobbing in the background— and they look back at eachother and smile. 

_ So this is love.  _

Steven cues for the music to play again as he wraps an arm around Spinel, guiding her down the ballroom— as another song plays, gems gather to the center of the floor to dance again, now that Steven and Spinel are away. 

As they head out the ballroom together, leaning their heads against eachother, Steven snaps his fingers at the Ruby guards at the entrance so no one but employees can leave, so Steven and Spinel can have their privacy outside.

The two step down the stairs— the slipper was back on Steven’s foot— and Spinel clings onto them as they walk through the maze again together. 

Steven seperates himself from her as he holds her hand, and they sway their arms together back and forth playfully. 

This time, they find themselves in the center of the maze— to see a beautiful fountain. Steven walks forward, facing her as he holds her hand, and guides her to sit down. 

Spinel sits, her large, poofy dress over them, and he smiles as he admires her. 

“You look so, so beautiful tonight, Spinel,” he whispers as he looks down and up her dress, pressing his fingers together. 

“T-Thank you, your highness,” she replies as she sees him in his royal attire. Usually Steven would correct her— tell her that it’s just Steven— but knowing now that Spinel enjoys the royal treatment, he complies. 

Steven inches his face towards her and nuzzles her cheek. It tickles, and she bites her lip. “Steven...” she whispers in protest, but he doesn’t stop. 

Steven brushes up against her skin, and looks up at her— breathing on her neck— 

Spinel blushes, and starts stamming a bit— “I, uh—“ but before she can find it in her to properly speak, Steven brings his hands to her face and gradually moves her mask, putting it down— and moves forward— abruptly kissing her on the lips. 

“...Mm!?” 

But Steven silences her as he pushes onto her— and she whimpers in surprise— Steven closing his eyes— until he finally parts, looking at her flushed face. 

“I-I—“ she mumbles as she puts a hand to her cheek. She stares at him in confusion.

Steven sighs.

“Happy Birthday, Spinel,” he says, shutting his eyes as he harshly presses his moist lips against her cheek, affectionately pushing her face up.

Wait, what?

“H-Huh?!” He knew—? 

“Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday today, too?” he says as he grazes her arm, massaging her skin with concern. She gulps.

Steven caught her.

“I— I— I didn’t wanna take ya spotlight, since y-your birthday is so, so much more important,” she admits, trembling anxiously a bit. 

“No, your birthday is important too, Spinel,” he says as he clasps her hand— and quickly leans over to kiss her cheek again— and then again— and again, making her giggle as he’s tickling her. “So,  so important to me...” he whispers sensually as he slows down— making her freeze in place. 

Spinel’s breath hikes as he then hovers over her neck, nipping at it— “Ah, mm—“ she squeezes her thighs together in arousal— and he leans over her, clasping her back as he dips onto her, kissing her neck repeatedly. “Mm, hm...” She shuts her eyes in pleasure, clenching his broad shoulders for support. 

He trails kisses down her neck until he presses himself against her chest, comforting himself with the softness of her breasts— embracing her.

Oh, he’s just too much. 

“H-How did you know it was my birthday?” she asks, trying to distract herself from Steven on top of her like this. 

“Well... it was sort of obvious,” he says as he encircles his finger around her shoulder, rubbing it. “Even if we didn’t really talk, you were at last year’s birthday ball— and we had been writing letters to eachother for the rest of the year— and then you moved in— and during that entire year, you never once told me it was your birthday at any point. So I figured it was today.” 

“It was just a guess at first, but I asked White Diamond’s Pearl, your friend, and she confirmed,” he says, finally seperating himself from her.

Wow.

Spinel can’t believe how thoughtful he was... and she feels so hot right now, she removes her glove and dips her hands in the fountain, swishing against the water. Steven looks at her. 

“So I thought you deserved a birthday kiss,” he chuckles, smiling at Spinel— captured by her beauty now that her mask is removed. 

Spinel stops moving her hand and looks up at him. “D-Did you— did you not get your birthday kiss too, Steven?” she hesitantly asks. 

Steven looks down at her lap and takes her wet hand, rubbing it with his thumb. He looks up at her as he leans closer to her face— “No... I didn’t,” he romantically sighs. 

Spinel feels Steven’s breath warmly fan her face, and she flutters her eyes closed to kiss him instead— and he brings his palms to her cheek to deepen the kiss, intensifying it— mm.

Steven wants to continue, so he switches angles to keep her interested— and as she wraps her arms over his neck, he brings a tongue to her mouth— exploring her. 

This sensation was frightening to Spinel at first— but after some time, and after he sees how gently Steven is treating her, she complies, massaging her tongue against his, moaning into him. They hear something rustle in the leaves, but they ignore it as they’re far too enamored with each other.

Once they completely enveloped eachother’s tongues— he concludes with a kiss as they part, finishing their little make-out session by the fountain under the galaxy.

Spinel seperates herself from him, looking down, her hands to her lap. She was enjoying this so much, she admits— but she then remembers Connie.

“But what about Connie? Weren’t cha gonna marry ‘er?” she asks, her voice pitched in discomfort. “Ya proposed ta her like two years ago or somethin’, right?”

Steven winces— how did she know that? He’s never told anybody besides the gems and his dad. 

“I— I.”

“Pearl. Pearl told me.”

Steven groans as he shuts his eyes. “Of course.”

“D-Don’t you wanna be wit’ ha’? W-What can I, some stupid, replac’ble gem, give you?” she chuckles self-deprecatingly, making Steven feel a sting.

He holds her hand. “You’re not stupid, Spinel...” he sighs. “I’m sorry I said that to you. I didn’t. I didn’t mean it,” he admits.

“Then why’d you say it? What’s so wrong wit’ marryin’ a gem?” she blurts out, a bit frustrated.

“Nothing, superficially— it’s just that after everything— after so much of gem culture has taken over my life— I want to finally be able to seperate myself from it, you know? Be my own person— on Earth, with Connie.”

Spinel nods sadly. She understands. 

“B-But I made the mistake of proposing to her, way, way too early—“ he groans as he brings his hands to his forehead, shutting his eyes in shame and embarassment. “I-I really thought we were gonna be together forever, that she’d immediately say yes—!” he laughs pathetically, holding back tears. 

“But I was such, such a fool— and after all the trauma and loss I went through, all the depression I experienced— I really, actually, genuinely thought that getting married would wipe away all my problems— as well as cure  my sadness and my loneliness for good. Fix everything.”

Spinel perks her head up at him. “Ridiculous, right? Thinking that one simple action could stop everything— poof!” he flicks his hands open. “Put an end to my suffering. Problem solved.”

Feelings from her past flood back to Spinel.

“It’s... ain’t ridiculous at all, Steven... I did exactly the same mistake— with you.” 

“Huh?” he tilts his head, putting his hands down. 

“Wh-When I saw your face on tha’ hologram at the garden base— finding out Pink Diamond survived by you— I-I was set on killing you. Set on wipin’ ya friends’ memories, set on destroyin’ that nowhere planet I was never allowed any part a’,” she clenches her fists. 

She suddenly starts cackling— similar to her past self, taking Steven aback— and makes dramatic hand gestures— “Bam! Presto! Change-o! Problem solved!” 

Steven grows uncomfortable as her voice becomes more aggressive and strained— and then she continues laughing, almost crying. “Hahahohohoho, hahahah. Wahahahahow. What a plan!”

She calms down, bringing her hands to her face, hiding her tears. She starts sobbing. “But that wasn’t gonna solve a thing, was it?”

“M’...” she whimpers. “M’ so sawry,” she says under her hands, her voice muffled out. 

Steven tries to reach out to comfort her— but he hesitates as she calms herself down, her voice pitching. 

“...What was I even doing?” she cries. “Why did I wanna hurt you so bad? I was supposed to be a friend... I just wanted be your friend...” she mumbles, repeating what she told him once, two years ago under the injector. 

Steven holds her by the arms and looks down at her. “You are my friend, Spinel.”

Spinel looks up at him, sniffling. “R-Really? Afta’ everythin’?” 

Steven nods. “Yes, of course.” He nears her lips to kiss her— “...But now, I wanna be something m...” 

But suddenly, they’re startled and interrupted by the Homeworld clocktower— the one that towers over the capital. The clock had just struck at midnight— just as the ball was supposed to end— and Spinel looks down at her dress— seeing that it’s gradually turning pink again. 

“I-I” she stands up, backing up from him. She can’t let him see her like this— when she looked so, so beautiful and regal for him in that flowing blue dress— “M’ sawry!” 

Spinel hikes her dress up and runs off back into the maze— “Spinel!”— Steven calls out, but it’s no use. He rushes after her.

“H-He doesn’t actually l-love me,” she says between muffled cries as she dashes off. “He just liked me because I looked so much prettia’, n’ I was dressed in Blue, like Cinda-rellah...! It was all just a spell— and it’s gonna wear aw-haw-hawff!” she wails dramatically as she steps up the stairs.

_ I don’t wanna feel blue, anymore..._

“It’s Connie he deserves!”

_ Gimme anything but blue, blue, blue... Royal Blue. _

Steven tries to chase after her, but he himself gets lost in the maze— until he finally spots her—

_ I just wanna know who I’m looking for. _

She turns around daintily, lightly raising her arms up— Steven thinks it’s her, only to actually greeted by _her_ — Pink Diamond’s old Pearl — in the middle of the rose maze. 

_And then she smiled._

“Hello, my Diamond.”

Spinel fled inside the palace, leaving Steven alone with Pearl in the courtyard.

_ Blue... ♪ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if someone points out the song i reference at the end ill give u a mf Cookie


	41. Lives On The Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven talks to White Diamond’s Pearl.

“P-Pearl?!” shouts Steven— surprised to see her in the maze all alone like this. 

“Hello, Steven,” she smiles warmly— albeit creepily, clasping her hands together.

“W-What are you doing here?! Shouldn’t you be attending White at the ball!” he starts stomping out the maze.

Steven squints as he can barely see her in the pitch dark. 

“Oh, no, no— White told me to come get you, silly!” she says as she clings onto his arm, walking with him. Steven calms down at her motherly touch. 

“Why, yes— she couldn’t help but feel concerned for you.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Well... White Diamond was initially enamored with the girl you danced with on the dancefloor... she was so pleased, seeing you find a suitable gem bachelorette you could marry!” Steven gulps at the implication of him marrying Spinel.

“But...” she admits sadly. “She won’t be too happy to see it was Spinel all along, you see. That simply won’t do.”

“What? Why?” he asks, trying to escape her grasp, pulling his arm from her— but she just clings tighter.

“Well, isn’t it obvious?” she so sweetly giggles. “You’re the crowned prince of Homeworld— the most important and most powerful man on the planet— and your silly little court jester from thousands of years ago is your first choice for a wife?” she bursts out laughing. “That’s so silly!”

Steven cringes. 

But... we thought that Pearl supported Spinel’s plans to woo Steven? What’s going on?

“T-That’s not a problem. How is that a problem!” he says with frustration. “A-And she’s more than a court jester, she’s special!” he adds. 

“I mean, why would you marry a gem, when you have a human like Connie? You marrying a human is so, so important to White now.”

“Huh?! But I thought she agreed me marrying a human was wrong! That they were inferior!” 

“Welllll... they are, but, White had a little talk with Pearl— your Pearl— and White finally understood. Understood why you must marry Connie Maheshwaran!” 

Steven gulps. “W-Why? I don’t understand.” 

“As the hybrid-prince of Homeworld and the heir apparent to the planet Earth, it’s your duty to unite the two planets— the two races— the two worlds. Now that we’ve begun Era 3 here on Homeworld, we’ve been scrapping to get by. Struggling so, so much to advance and provide for our people to provide Homeworld resources. I mean, we’ve barely produced any new gems! And the ones we’ve created are so weak, too...” she sighs. 

“Where are you going with this?”

She ignores his question and continues talking. “We gems need a new host to latch onto— it’s in our nature, after all— and we initially thought the planet Earth was a desolate, barren wasteland— one that should have been destroyed a long time ago. But as time has passed, we’ve noticed how rich in minerals, oils, fossil-fuels, flora, and fauna the planet is...”

Steven doesn’t like what she’s saying to him one bit.

“And after 6,000 years had passed and the humans have developed it so much— as evident by the way they’ve terraformed the land, created amazing technology, and conquered eachother so swiftly and violently — we realized, how powerful human beings really are!” 

“And—? What does that have to do with anything?” he asks, confused. 

“White and the other Diamonds now see how valuable and powerful human beings truly are. After all, you’re so intelligent, and strong, and adaptable— surviving extreme weather, natural disasters, plagues, and genocides— that the Diamonds couldn’t help but wish to... let’s say, absorb all that power!” she cheers. 

“W-What...!”

“I mean— look at you, Steven. You’re only eighteen years old, and you’re already so, so much more powerful than your mother was when she first formed out of the ground. You’ve unlocked so many incredible powers— you even survived corruption! I mean, I practically helped raise her as her original Pearl, and I admit she’s kind of pathetic compared to you now, hehe!” 

“You even have your own colony at this age— far faster than she could get one,” she says, referring to Little Homeworld. He was about to interrupt her— tell her it’s not a colony— but as he thinks about it, he realizes that might actually be true. 

“You’ve proven yourself to be an extremely ambitious, productive, charismatic and capable leader— much like a gem monarch, sure— but moreso, like a human being. That’s all your human side!”

“Huh?”

“Thanks to your mother creating you, we can finally see how precious and valuable human beings really are— just as your mother tried to convince the Diamonds... but oh, so sadly failed to. But it seems she was right, after all— that the Earth and its people were meant to be protected. And it seems she was finally, finally useful to Homeworld for once— by changing the course of fate by bringing you into the world, hm?”

Steven winces. “Isn’t that lovely?”

“Just as the Diamonds thought all she was good for was for throwing parties and acting as a figurehead for her subjects... it seems she actually had potential to run a colony, after all— even though she failed miserably, all that potential has now been passed onto you!” she grins as she taps him playfully. 

“What do the Diamonds plan on doing, Pearl,” he asks, sternly. 

“Oh, no— it’s what you plan on doing, my Diamond! After all, you’ve already taken the first step, bethrothed to Connie and all...”

“What?” 

“Despite initially finding humans absolutely disgusting— the elites still found themselves completely enamored with you at the ball today—admiring your power and your presence like that— and that got the Diamonds thinking! What if... there were more gem-human hybrids?”

Steven’s heart stops. “H-Huh?”

“I mean— it’s the perfect arrangement, really. As the half-human prince of both Homeworld and the protector and heir of the Earth, it’s your duty to unite the two worlds! And it’ll be so beneficial, too!” she squeals. “The citizens of Earth, blissfully unaware that they were once colonized by gems centuries ago, will have access to all of Homeworld’s advanced technology— while Homeworld benefits from the Earth’s unique resources! And in turn, this will benefit you, too!”

“What?! How could that possibly help me— you’ll be destroying the Earth, stripping it of its beauty by taking from it! You’ll kill the planet— you just want to colonize it all over again! You can’t help me!”

Pearl points down at his exposed Diamond, distracting him. “I mean, aren’t you so, so alone? You’re the sole hybrid in existence— wouldn’t you not only want to continue your legacy, but also find more people like you in the future...?”

Steven looks down at his gem. Would that... really be possible? Will he finally meet people like him...?

“The Diamonds are willing to send gems— their finest-cut and wealthiest, most powerful gems— to Earth, and bear children for you! They’ll be sacrificing their physical form for this cause, yes— but think of all the power a gem-hybrid race would have!”

Steven snaps out of it.

Oh, are they implying they’re gonna practice eugenics and create some super gem-human master-race and take over the galaxy?!?! 

What the fuck!

“No— No. I won’t allow it. I won’t fall through with your plan!”

“Oh, but you surely will, though— you love Connie so much, and we know how much you looove children— it’s bound to happen eventually. After all, she is your first love— don’t you want to hold onto that?” she says sweetly— and then— “We’ll get our gem-human hybrids,” she says so, so calculatedly.

Eerily similar to someone he knows... but who? 

“Then I’ll stop you!” he says as he digs his nails onto her arms, making her wince.

“Oh— ahh— but you’ll be long gone by then, unfortunately. You hybrid-gems have one weakness, however— ones that full gems overpower you by. Your lifespans are far shorter, meaning by the time you die, the Diamonds’ brilliant plan will be in full effect!” she smiles.

“Wouldn’t that make it all worth it?” Pearl says looking up at him.

“Make what worth it?” he says as he finally lets go, confused.

“The Crystal Gem’s philosophy! They spent 6,000 years trying to protect the Earth— I’m sure your friends would be thrilled to hear that all their efforts were for an amazing, amazing cause!”

Steven clenches his fists— trying not to fall for it— but Pearl interrupts. “Homeworld is incredibly weak and frail right now, you see. Don’t you want to protect your heritage, Steven? Protect your history, protect your legacy? Lives are on the line, Steven...”

“Lives. on. the. line.”

She concludes coldly, losing all traces of her sweet, melodic voice.

Steven can’t help but find that phrase familiar—- lives on the line?

“What do you say, Pink Diamond?” she says as she extends her hand out to shake his. 

Pink... Diamond?

That hits so much differently now— and so much worse.

Oh, no, no no— he’s not going to end up like his mother. He’s not gonna be the Diamonds’ little puppet!

Steven pushes her off.

Steven starts glowing pink, and grits his teeth— yelling at the top of his lungs— “I’M NOT. PINK. DIAMONNNND!!!”

Suddenly, Pearl screams in fear, as memories of her trauma come back to her— she steps back— and the crack on her face intensifies dramatically, startling Steven. 

Steven gasps and brings a hand to his mouth— “no, no! I’m sorry! I don’t mean to hurt you! PLEASE, COME BACK!” he calls out for her, but it’s too late, as Pearl had already stood up and fled the maze, running back inside the palace.

_ What has he done? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brave of u to assume i was gonna let the diamonds get redeemed when theyre literal dictators... n*zi time
> 
> btw i LOVE the diamonds and im so happy theyre redeemed in the show. I LOVE THE DIAMONDS. but i thought id have some fun with them in this fic xD


	42. Why Do You Always Do This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel returns to Pink Diamond’s quarters.

As Steven had finished talking to Pearl, Spinel is seen inside the palace, holding her dress up as she rushes up the grand staircase up to the Diamond quarters— her only haven during these hours.

Spinel’s panting heavily— crying— as she rushes up— she nearly trips, and loses her own slipper along the way. 

Spinel dashes through the hallway, pressing her hands on and off the walls to go faster— her rich, blue dress fading back to its original pink—until she finally reaches Pink Diamond’s room. 

She closes her eyes and sighs of relief once inside— but abruptly, she hears the door behind her shut and lock loudly.

_ Huh?  _

Spinel turns around to open the door— but it’s locked. She twists the knob up and down aggressively, but it’s no use. She’s trapped inside. 

What the hell is going on? 

Spinel suddenly hears singing behind her— and quickly turns around— only to see Yellow and Blue Pearl side by side, snickering to eachother— their hands suspiciously behind their back.

_Come live with us in the palace..._

_There’s a room waiting for you..._

“Back so soon, Cinderella?” jeers Yellow Pearl. “I see you missed your beloved stepfamily so, so much!”

“After you abandoned us all so cruelly...” says Blue Pearl quietly, almost tearing up, very similar to her Diamond.

Spinel clenches her fists— oh, not these broads again. 

“Welcome home, _Pink_ ,” say the two of them in unison— pissing Spinel off even more. 

Spinel steps up to them to punch them, but since they’re both so thin they dodge her fist as they seperate, giggling. 

Spinel finds herself in the middle of the room— and suddenly, she’s hit by a powerful shock that rushes through her, making her drop to the floor and scream— _Ah!_

She kneels on the floor— trembling as the electricity moves through her body— until Blue Pearl holds her chin up to look at her and Yellow. 

Spinel grunts— and she gazes to the side to see Yellow sneering at her, with a Gem Destabilizer in hand, tossing it up and down in the air with one hand. 

Oh, come the fuck on. Where the hell did she get that?

“Her dress looks awfully pretty, doesn’t it, Yellow,” quietly whispers Blue as the dress still has remnants of the color. 

“I preferred it when it was Yellow— but it’s a shame it’s neither of those colors now—“ she says under her nasally voice. 

Spinel looks down at her dress and sees that it’s pink again, the same color she originally intended to wear to the ball. 

Spinel stands back up, feebly, watching her dress return to normal— albeit still in its large silhouette. Looks like Blue’s magic wears off after midnight.

“Oh, it’s back to pink, now— isn’t that lovely ?” mutters Yellow behind gritted teeth. 

Yellow tugs at her sleeve, ripping it— Spinel gasps— “Very, very similar to our beloved princess, Pink Diamond.” 

Blue Pearl suddenly notices that Spinel is wearing Blue Diamond’s pearl necklace— ones Blue Diamond gave to her as a present, that she kept for safe keeping. 

“Oh! Why, you little thief! Those belonged to my Diamond! Give them here!” she suddenly screams, so unlike her, as she yanks them off Spinel’s neck. 

She breaks it, and dozens of beads scatter to the ground. 

“Oh, no!” says Spinel, holding her hands to her neck as she’s lost her gift. 

“That’s not all she stole, Pearl— she stole our Diamond! She tried to take him away from us, didn’t she!”

“Yes— yes,” Blue says, calming down. “The Four Diamonds... they could’ve been so happy.”

“We could’ve been so happy— until she came along and ruined everything!”

Yellow Pearl then tugs at her skirt— ripping it— and Blue follows along too, tearing the other half— soon, they’re completely destroying Spinel’s dress, as Spinel cries in protest. 

“No, no! Please, no!” she screams, too weak now to defend herself. 

But they ignore her cries and persist,  laughing together as they completely destroy her dress, leaving it to rags. All of the fabric falls to the floor— scattered under Spinel’s feet. 

Suddenly, the door unlocks and opens, revealing White Diamond’s Pearl, who has entered the room— it seems she found a shortcut back inside.

However, she has now lost all of her pink hue— and is monochromatically white again, like before.

“Huh...?” mumbles Spinel as she looks at her, confused. What’s wrong with her?

“Girls, girls!” she says— or, _White Diamond_ says, in fact, as she now has full control over her Pearl. 

“That’s quite enough,” she says, gesturing at the door. 

“Hurry along now, both of you.” 

Blue and Yellow Pearl flinch, and shove Spinel out of the way to head out the door. 

“I won’t have you upsetting yourselves,” she concludes, as Yellow Pearl steps out.

White is waiting at the door for Blue Pearl.

Blue Pearl was the last to leave— but before she does, she turns around and tells Spinel one more thing.

“Spinel...White Diamond is very upset with you. If you keep this up, she’s going to take away your prince,” says Blue Pearl as she walks out.

Huh? 

Spinel starts blinking rapidly— dissociating— as lost memories return to her.

_ She’s... upset with me?  _

T-That sounds familiar.

Spinel suddenly experiences an intense feeling of Deja Vu, being locked up by the hands of Blue, Yellow, and White like this— so much like her Diamond was locked up long, long, ago.

Spinel groans and brings her hands against her head, experiencing an extreme headache. She looks around the room and feels incredibly dizzy. 

_ Why— Why do you always do this, Pink? _

The phrase ruminates in her head, repeating and repeating itself...

ᴡʜʏ... ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs, ᴘɪɴᴋ?

ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs?

ᴡʜʏ... ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs, ᴘɪɴᴋ?

Spinel whimpers, as she can’t get the voices to go away.

Why— Why is this all so familiar! 

Until she suddenly hears a voice, interrupting her thoughts for a moment.

“Good Night,” White Pearl finally concludes as she shuts the door, locking Spinel inside once again, alone with her repetitive  thoughts.

ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs, ᴘɪɴᴋ?

ᴡʜʏ... ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs?

We see Spinel breaking down on the floor, her dress torn to shreds, covering her face as she sobs, failing to block out the voices again.

ᴡʜʏ...

ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs, ᴘɪɴᴋ?

ᴡʜʏ, ᴘɪɴᴋ?

**

Once White Pearl had closed the door, the three Pearls curtsy to their superior who had been waiting for them behind the door, leaning against the wall.

It was Pearl— _our_ Pearl.

Pearl snaps her fingers as she starts walking down the hallway, gesturing the Pearls to trail behind her. It seems that as a fellow Pearl, Pearl had easily gained all their trust.

“Excellent work, girls.”

The Pearls quicken their pace, leaving White behind.

“Now Spinel won’t be able to get in the way of Steven’s destiny— as the uniter of gem and human culture. All my efforts as Crystal Gem... will finally come into fruition,” she says as she passionately clenches a fist, thinking of Rose Quartz.

“D-Does this mean we’ll get our prize?” whispers Blue Pearl, clinging onto Yellow. 

“Of course— you will all be the first to meet your human princes, becoming Gem Royalty on Earth... won’t it be so freeing to finally be relieved of your centuries of servitude under the Diamonds?”

Blue and Yellow nod happily, squealing at the thought of meeting their princes who’ll come to save them. 

Pearl notices that White is quiet, so she talks to get her attention— “Pearl... I know how upset you are to betray Spinel like this, your best friend... but she abandoned you without a second thought, remember?”

Pearl winces at the reminder of that. 

“She left you, for her uh— what’s the term Spinel always used...” she brings a hand to her chin for a moment—

_“Other Friend?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man forreal fuck the pearls


	43. Treat You Better, Want You Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel waits for someone to rescue her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofread

It’s well past midnight, and we see Spinel crying on the floor, covering her face as she sobs. She finally stopped the voices— and stopped dissociating. 

Spinel shuts her eyes and wipes her tears— as well as the snot out of her nose— and flimsily and weakly stands up. It takes her a minute, but she manages to do it. Some pebbles start crawling out of their holes, showing themselves now that the Pearls were gone. 

She doesn’t feel shockwaves pulse through her body anymore, so she can successfully move. As she looks around the room— staring at the shredded pieces of fabric on the floor— she realizes that she’s exactly where she started. 

Back in Pink Diamond’s room, forced to live as a jester, surrounded by pebbles and a destroyed pink dress. 

But this time— she was the mannequin. 

Spinel wipes her dress— removing any excess sheddings— and walks towards the balcony in the suite for fresh air, overlooking the other side of the palace: the royal gardens.

Her night as Cinderella was officially over— and as more pebbles appear one by one, murmuring to eachother over Spinel’s return, it seems that she was back to being a servant. 

It seems this fairytale book was officially over, albeit narrated in reverse.

But just as one closes... another begins. 

Spinel leans her head down on the balcony ledge, several feet in the air, as she finds herself in a tower-like structure. 

She swears she sees some pink blur in the distance— and she squints— only to see Steven marching across the gardens in search of White Diamond’s Pearl. 

Huh?! It’s Steven! 

Spinel starts to yell— “Yoohoo! Steveeeeen!” 

He stops, hearing the voice. He looks around, but there’s no one in sight. What in the world? 

“Up here! I’m up here, princey!” she says, intensifying her accent, trying to seem chipper for him after the horrible experience she just had. 

Steven looks up— Oh! There she is! What was she doing up there? 

Spinel waves at him, trying to catch his attention. 

Steven runs closer to the edge of the tower, and calls up for her, his hand by his mouth— “Spinel! Spinel! Let down your arm!” 

“Oh! Good idea, Steven! Ready or not, here I come!” 

And so she does— she leans her arms against the barrier and starts stretching her arm dramatically for him, down and down the tower at incredible lengths. He looks up at the sight in amazement as he prepares a rope for him to climb. 

Steven latches on, and begins climbing her arm— her arm shortening as he goes higher. He grunts, and takes a few minutes to reach the top— Spinel groans in pain, her eyes shut, as she lifts him in such an uncomfortable position.

And as he’s climbing... he can’t help but feel like he’s done this before.

Steven finally nears the top, and Spinel tugs her arm for him as hard as she can— and he hikes his leg up the barrier, jumping down to the balcony. Spinel retracts her arm completely, moaning. 

“Spinel! There you are!” he says as he bends down to the floor and hugs her. 

“Hi, princey,” she says, exhausted. “Did ya miss me?” she says playfully. 

“Miss you—?! Miss you?!” he says in a very silly and comedic way for her to laugh, “I missed you so, so much!” he says as he clasps her cheeks and kisses sections of her face repeatedly— healing her pain along the way— and she giggles. 

Steven looks down at her dress— seeing it destroyed and ripped to shreds, and looks back up at her with concern, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. 

“Spinel— what happened?” He then looks at the royal bedroom and sees all the dress sheddings on the floor. “Who did this to you?” he asks, furrowing his brow— getting angry.

Spinel was about to tell him everything— but she notices him glowing pink with rage— and she doesn’t want to worry him on his birthday— so she lies. 

“I-I did.”

“What? Why!” he presses her cheeks harder, confused. 

“B-Because... I was sick’ a that stupid ball! Just wanted ta’ rip the whole dress— get it over wit’!” she says, bringing back her tough girl act— it seems she’s ready to change fairy tales now, accepting her role as Rapunzel in this story.

Steven scoffs, about to laugh as he relates so much, and— and he just becomes completely enamored with her all of a sudden as he sees so much of him in her, somehow— he quickly pushes his lips against hers and kisses her. Mmm!

Spinel then finds herself in Steven’s arms— and wraps her arms behind his neck, deepening the kiss. 

He suddenly lifts her legs up, and plants his hands on her back, and carries her up— bridal style. 

“Wha-a-a?!” cries Spinel as this takes her by surprise, and he carries her across the room, smothering her with kisses— she giggles like a child as she playfully kicks her legs up and down, wrapping her arm around him. Mmm—mmm! 

Steven carries her to the bed, and lays her down on it— she sprawls her arms across the bed for him, looking up at him, mouth gaped. 

He gets on the bed and towers over her, his leg between her thighs, and dips into her lips, kissing her aggressively. His hands are cupped in her face— his silk gloves gliding down her cheek making her shiver. He flips his shoes off one by one so he’s barefoot for her.

Spinel smiles as he kisses her, squealing a bit in excitement as he seemingly washes away all her tears, and fears, and traumas from that night away for a moment— and he loves, loves, loves to hear her so overjoyed. 

He pushes her farther down the bed and sits on top of her— clasping her open palms as they had been laid on top of the bed— and goes back to kissing her. Spinel sighs under his touch, as his gloved hands warm hers. 

Steven lifts himself off of her and moves his body back— and sprawls on top of her, so his body is pressed against her chest— and as he does so, he nips at her neck, sucking at her sensitive skin, as she bites her lip. Her breath hikes, and she gives in after some time, moaning with pleasure as she lifts her chin up for air. 

Gradually, Steven feels inclinded to start grinding his crotch against hers— unable to resist the urge— and she feels his expensive, princely pants rub against her thighs. She lets out a soft whine at the new sensations— as she’s never done anything like this before— and so suddenly, too.

Steven silkily trails his hand down her shredded dress— her bare skin exposed in some sections after it being destroyed so violently— until he reaches her thighs. 

He continues licking and sucking at her neck, shifting down to her chest, as he swiftly brings his gloved hand to her crotch— Spinel gasps as he lifts her dress up, and he reaches under her, rubbing her vulva in between her panties with his thumb. 

She starts panting— W-What is this?! But Steven continues, rubbing up and down her lips, faster and faster, and her breath hikes up— she feels inclined to close her legs against him— but that just makes it easier for him to focus on her as it stabilizes him. 

As Spinel starts sighing into his face, Steven rubs in circular motions aggressively, going deeper and deeper, until he reaches her clit— Spinel moans, and brings her hand around his neck, urging him to come closer so he can lick and bite at her neck again. She herself starts grinding herself into his thumb, going faster, playing with him. 

It seems that Steven and Spinel were currently relieving themselves from the stressful, stressful night.

They go at this for several minutes, Spinel panting and heaving loudly for him, while Steven grinds two, three, four, one, then back to two, three, four, one fingers for her, alternating as he explores her different kinds of moans. 

Finally, Spinel’s panties are absolutely soaked under him, and he presses his hand down on her lips again— her cool moisture pressing against her, arousing her even more. She pants and raises her hips to grind against his fingers repeatedly, and after coming more for him, seemingly fulfilled, he stops and moves his hands up her body again.

Steven wraps his arms under hers and lifts her back up, and sits on her lap— in doing so, he reaches down her back, undoing her zipper. 

Spinel gazes to the side— embarassed— as she had never exposed herself to Steven like this before. She groans softly in discomfort a bit— and Steven notices. 

Steven leans against her chest as he unzips her— “Don’t worry, I won’t look if you don’t want me to— I just. I just want to feel you for a minute, if that’s okay...” he says as he slides down her sleeves down her arms and shimmies her top down, leaving her bare-chested for him. 

Steven hovers over her shoulder and nuzzles her cheek, pressing against her gem and breasts, feeling her heartbeat. She brings her hands up to his back, and they find themselves in an awkward embrace. As he sits on her lap, he presses his thighs against hers, holding her tightly in place. 

He sighs into her ear. He’s so heavy on top of her like this, she notices— why does he want to be held like a child so bad? 

Steven starts slowly removing his gloves, one by one, and throws them to the side so he can feel her skin. 

He brings his arms up to her back, grazing it, and she sighs at his touch. He gives her a light massage, relaxing her. He goes up, and then down, and then up and down again, brushing his hands against her, feeling every inch of her back. 

Steven then glides his hands to her waist, and plants his palms on her stomach— making her breath hike. He then slides them up to the underside of her breasts, fondling them. Spinel closes an eye and bites her lip— as no one’s held her breasts like this ever.

“Soft...” he chuckles, making Spinel’s heart skip a beat. He cups both of them with his hands, and starts massaging them— Spinel leans against him, her forehead on his shoulder, looking down at his stomach. 

She notices his gem. 

He... really had the power of a Diamond, didn’t he. And for some reason, he had fallen in love with his silly court jester. She chuckles to herself pathetically— Steven overhears, and starts rubbing her breasts more aggressively in quick circular motions.

Spinel gasps, and as he massages them so roughly, she finds herself leaning back on the bed, arching her back for him as he’s on top on her thighs. 

Steven sees Spinel’s breasts in all their glory, and she looks to the side in embarassment as he shifts down her, off the bed and back to the floor, so he kneels in front of her. 

Spinel was about to lift her back up to see him— “Stay there,” but he tells her not to, and she complies, anxious. 

Steven then brings his palms to her thighs— making her lightly jolt— and he grazes them across her thighs under her dress softly, up and down, rubbing her to relax her. Spinel quietly gasps as he brings his hands to her hips— is he going to...? 

Steven then grabs hold of her panties, and sensually shimmies them down her legs until they’re to her knees— tickling her— Spinel exhales as she’s pantiless for him, the cool air from the night fanning her crotch. 

Steven then delicately lifts her dress up, folding it back to her, revealing her vagina for him. She closes her legs, hesitant, but he brings his hands between her.

“It’s just me, Spinel...” he murmurs.

“Your best friend,” he whispers as he opens her legs, nearing her entrance. 

Bent down, Steven grabs Spinel’s ass and kindly brings her closer— and he leans in and kisses her inner thighs, tickling her.

Steven moistens his lips as he licks his tongue and grips her thighs, kissing her lips— up and down, in numerous spots, exploring every inch of her vulva. 

Spinel sighs and shuts her eyes, leaning her cheek against the luxurious mattress.

He kisses the exterior of her labia majora— sucking it— and Spinel closes her legs, trapping his head between her thighs. He inserts his tongue inside her, finally. Steven then proceeds to lick her vagina, pressing down on it— and Spinel squirms as she feels herself grow incredibly moist. 

“Ahm...” she says— bringing her arms up, above her head— arching her back as she stretches, relieved by the sensation. Steven tilts his head as he continues licking her, sucking at her— he gently nips at her labia, and she gasps. 

Steven exits her for a second to kiss her inner thigh tenderly, only to go back in, his tongue flat as he licks her up and down— she opens her legs for him, surrendering. “T-That feels— so, so good, Steven! Ah...” she says as she shuts her eyes, shifting in place. She brings her hands down to her thighs. 

Steven brings his mouth over her labia and kisses the entirety of it, enclosing it in his mouth— only to insert his tongue inside her again— moisture seeping out of her. He does this again and again repeatedly, opening and closing his mouth as he kisses her widely, until his face is covered in her and her thighs are wet— he finally lets go as she’s fully lubricated for him. 

Steven kneels back up and takes her hands, while they were sprawled beside her on the bed. 

“Um... are you ready, Spinel?” he asks. 

“Ready for what?” she asks innocently, lifting herself up. Her lower body is surrounded by the ruffles of her dress, and her legs are still wide open.

She looks like a little girl with a giant ruffled tutu at a princess-themed tea-party.

“Uh... sex?”

“Huh? Wuzzat?” she tilts her head, scratching the top of her head. 

Oh no. 

Steven taps his fingers awkwardly and blushes, averting her gaze. “W-Well, uh— heh, that’s a good question. It’s... basically an act of l-love, b-between two people, hah,”

Spinel perks her head up and looks at him. “...You love me?” 

Steven’s face turns red— and he stammers— but he swiftly avoids the question, “where we uh, pleasure eachother— and, and — I penetrate, you— w-with my uh, my um... my penis,” he whispers that last word, and he then clears his throat. 

“What’s that?” she bluntly asks. Steven shuts his eyes and groans— oh my gosh, this is so agonizing.

And, so, so fucking hot to him, for some reason.

Steven bites his lip and pats his upper thighs, his satin pants— and Spinel ooohs as she finally understands. 

“I’m sorry I just. Really, really need to do this right now,” he says as he feels his erection rise, and his pants tighten. “Y-You’re too much,” he mumbles quietly as his breath hikes.

Pink Diamond then brings his hands to his back— grunting— and unclasps the back of his bodice. He gracefully holds his sleeves and shimmies them down his arms— exposing his soft biceps— and Spinel looks up at him in awe as he undresses himself. 

“I don’t— I don’t know what you’ve done to me, hah,” he chuckles as he looks down at his gem, exposing his chest for her— revealing his abs — embarassed to be doing this with her so quickly and so, so desperately, he admits. And he then bends down and shifts the other half of his one-piece down for her. 

He lifts one leg up and pulls his pant down— and then the other one— nearly tripping on it, and he fumbles— Spinel tries not to laugh— dropping his suit to the floor. 

Spinel hadn’t notice how long and sturdy his legs had gotten. 

Steven’s in his underwear — which tightly hugs his hips— hovering over her, and Spinel can clearly see his erection. “Is— is that—“ she points at his dick, panting.   


_ Wow-wee, that thing sure is big! _

“Y-Yeah,” he says as he sits on the bed beside her, his thighs and feet are on the mattress— he sighs. “B-But we don’t have to do anything yet,” he tells her as he flimsily clasps her hand, shaking a bit as he’s nervous. “We can... just talk,” he mutters as he looks up at her shyly, and she meets his gaze as she was distracted by his erection.

Spinel lifts herself up so she can match his height, and she herself leans on her hip, holding his hand. 

Spinel looks down at his chest— and presses her palm against it, making him flinch. 

“Y-You’ve gotten so strong, hah,” she comments under her breath, observing him.

“T-Thanks,” he mumbles. 

She massages him, and he holds his breath— but as she does so for a bit, he exhales as it calms him down. 

She returns her hand to herself— but he holds it in place. “No, no— continue.” 

She hesitates— as she feels she’s being too touchy with him, but she continues rubbing his pectorals up and down, feeling his chest hair. 

Steven flushes, and bites his lip as it tickles a bit, and then Spinel finally finds herself touching his nipple, and he flinches. 

Spinel looks up at him to see what’s wrong. 

“S-Sorry,” he exhales. “That’s just a really, really sensitive spot, mm.”

She then flicks it with her fingers up, and Steven holds his breath. She flicks it again and again, playing with it, watching Steven struggle to breathe. Steven exhales as she finishes. 

“That’s like, foreplay,” he comments after panting.

“Foreplay?” 

“Y-Yeah, it’s uh— like a game!” he says, trying to appeal to her, knowing how much she likes playing. “Before you have, ah, sex— just to stimulate eachother’s senses. Kinda like how I just did, when I licked your uh—“

“What’s that thingy called again?” she interrupts, as gems have no functional purpose for it. 

“Oh, um—“ he clears his throat. “The vagina. That’s your vagina.” 

“Okay. Did you like playin’ with it?” 

Steven’s face turns red. “Y-Yeah, I, uh, guess I did.”

“I liked it, too,” she says, looking up at him. 

Spinel then brings her other hand to his chest and nears him— and he scooches over to her, too— and she places her arms against him, her hands over his pecs. Steven clears his throat as she breathes under him, fanning his face... she’s so tiny compared to him.

They pant against each other for a minute, until Spinel breaks the silence.

“I don’t know how you like me,” admits Spinel as she hovers over his shoulder, grazing his cheek. 

“Huh...? I should be telling you that— I don’t know you like me!” he says as he grips her tighter. “You hated me!”

“W-What?! No! You’re amazing!” 

“No— you’re amazing! You have these awesome elasticity powers— and you’re so powerful with your scythe— you’re like a total badass!”

“B-But you’re a Diamond!” she says as she digs her nails onto his back, emphasizing how cool he is.

Steven snorts and giggles— “Who cares!” he says as he affectionately kisses her neck, making her laugh.

“Pfffhahaha-hohohoho!” she cracks up under him as he gives her little pecks— and suddenly she hugs her tighter, giving her wet little raspberries— “Wahahahahow!” 

Steven lifts her chin up to give her a big fat smooch on her cheek— and he parts— Steven then sits with his legs cross and lifts her up so she can sit on his lap. As Spinel is sprawled on top of him, she freezes. He wraps his arms around her to cradle her, her bare body against his. 

“I-I—“ she blushes, as she finds herself in this incredibly intimate position. 

“I love... the ways you laugh,” he mutters, looking down at her sweetly. 

“Huh?”

“You have like, thirty different kinds of laughs. You’re like— one of those little voice box toys where there’s dozens of random buttons— and they each make a silly, cartoony sound effect— like—” He then harshly pokes her stomach to try and get a reaction.

“Owwweeee!” cries Spinel comedically under him. Steven cracks up— “Pfff— see? Exactly like that,” he mumbles, distracted by her cute, squinting face— squirming in pain— and he leans down over her to kiss her... 

“Mmm...” 

Steven hovers over her like this for a minute, and halfway through he dips her tongue inside her mouth and licks the bottom of hers, sucking on it multiple times. He grabs her firmly by the wrists so she doesn’t move... Spinel whining under his breath. 

He makes out with her like this for some time, Spinel facing up at him— panting and exhaling along the way— she shifts in her seat, rubbing against him— arousing him a bit— and Spinel lifts herself up to sit on his lap as he lays down normally. He clears his throat as her breasts are practically on his face. 

Spinel lifts her thighs up from him and pinches his underwear— stretching it as his balls are under them— rubbing them, shifting his underwear in circular motions, giving him a mini-wedgie of some sorts as she hikes them up from the front— higher and higher, only to make little circles with his dick at the center again, experimenting.

She just wanted to see what this whole “penis” thing was about and give her it her welcome, she supposes.

Spinel then sits her bare ass against his crotch, grinding against him, getting a feel for it as she lifts his cock up to face him. 

Steven starts panting loudly as he’s completely erect—“Sp-Spinel... come on, I can’t take this anymore...!” he can’t help but whine, out of breath. Spinel raises her ass up for him again as he swiftly shimmies his underwear down his thighs. 

Steven then holds her tightly by the waist, looking up at her. Spinel shifts her inner thighs together, resisting the urge to just thrust down onto him— her dress brushing against his bare legs.

“I... haven’t ever done this before, just so you know,” he gulps.

Huh?

“N-Not even wit’ her?!” she gasps. 

“No. Not even with her,” he firmly responds. There’s a hint of disappointment in his voice. 

“Why? I thought you had always been datin’. Why me?” she asks.

“Because...” he hums, trying to figure out why. “Because... you treat me better,” he blurts out, kissing her left cheek. “And you actually want me around,” he says as he affectionately kisses her other cheek, lifting her face up, closing his eyes.

“And she doesn’t... treat you better or want you around?” she asks in disbelief, one eye shut as he presses onto her chest— Steven then lowers her down to meet his erect penis, and his breath hikes intensely. 

“No, Spinel— mm— she doesn’t,” says Steven as he completely avoids saying her name, focusing on his moment with Spinel now. 

That chapter was over, now.

She was all he had left now.

“Instead... you’re that someone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for 4k hits and 300 commentsss


	44. What Are Friends For?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories come back to Spinel under the canopy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _“Aw, gee. What are friends for?”_ \- Spinel (Steven Universe: The Movie)

In the middle of the night, Spinel finds herself hovering over her Diamond’s erect penis, clinging onto his shoulders on the silk, satin bed under an elegant canopy.

She pants on top of him— looking down at his chest which is moist with sweat— Steven himself is breathing heavily, incredibly aroused, waiting for her to just insert herself in him already.

Spinel grows desperate, being on top of him like this. But why?

If Spinel isn’t human— and has no reason to have sex as she can’t reproduce— why does she have this tingling urge to let him penetrate her— let her inside him?

_ Maybe it’s like a puzzle. _

Perhaps you’re his other half, Spinel— you complete him. 

That’s why you have this irresistible urge to fuse with him.

Not literally, but still. 

Steven looks up at her as she notices that she’s trembling, inhaling and exhaling heavily over his crotch— Steven had been holding her by the waist, but he holds a hand up to her face to move a strand of hair out of her face. 

“Spinel— what’s wrong?” he asks, his voice slightly whimpering with concern. He cups her cheek as her lip quivers.

Spinel opens her shut eyes to look around the room— as she sees her with her Diamond sleeping on his pink canopy bed— surrounded by luxurious and expensive furniture, and a chandelier that dims pink above them. 

“I’m... m’.... m’ back where I started, Steven,” she sighs, gripping onto him. 

Huh?

She starts shaking— “I’m b-back here, servin’ my Diamond, stayin’ in her room.”

She starts stammering— choking up as she shuts her eyes in defeat— “p-p-p-playin’ with her,” she admits as her eyes start watering and she starts sobbing. 

Oh, no. 

Steven looks at her sadly and lifts the bedsheet so it covers his crotch, and brings her down to his lap. Spinel looks to the side, avoiding him as she bites her lip, trying to stop crying— but she can’t, as a tear streams down her face. 

“Spinel...”

“It’s happenin’ all ovah’ again. You don’t see it, but it is!” she panics.

“Huh? What’s happening all over again?”

“Everythin’—! You were in your room after a ball made to celebrate all your accomplishments, everyone adores you— the Diamonds were so proud of ya— and, and I was by your side.”

Is... she talking about Pink?

Steven doesn’t like where this is going.

“And we p-played together in your room, one last time, until you were finally given your colony— b-but you’re just gonna leave me and abandon me here like before, so you can go back ta’ Earth and start your new l-life,” she sobs, leaning against his shoulder, her palms on his chest for comfort. 

Steven feels her shaking on top of him, and he clasps her, hugging her back and pulling her closer. “T-That’s not true, Spinel. Don’t say that.”

“Or, or— maybe it’s tha’ other way around, this time—“ she says, “this time you leave me on Earth, just so you can stay on Homeworld and become a prince, findin’ a new princess...” she digs her nails onto him, making him wince. 

Steven doesn’t know what to say as he’s on top of her like this— so she just cries when into his chest, sniffling and panting. Steven gently rubs her back to calm her down as she chokes on her saliva. 

“T-There was a ball when she earned the colony, too, ta celebrate—“ she says under muffled cries as she leans her against him. She starts wailing, crying louder— “That’s why this is all so, so familiar, ah-hah-hahh!” she sobs, shutting her eyes as she drags her forehead down his chest. 

Steven holds her tighter— and looks at Pink’s bedroom as feelings— _memories_ of his past life come back to him — 

That’s why all of this was so familiar to him, too, then.

“And— And. I got in trouble at the ball, too— Pink was talkin’ with the elites, and— and—“ she breaks down crying again, but after a minute she composes herself, Steven looking down at her— “She was givin’ a huge speech— and she seemed so bored, s-so from the crowd I—“ she chuckles as she cries— “get this— I started— I started juggling for her ! Pffhahahow—“ she cracks up, laughing wildly onto him. 

“Doin’ all these— all these silly lil’ tricks for her behind the audience— I thought I was so funny— so funny!” she smiles between gritted teeth, only to groan. 

“She got distracted by me— n’ then she started laughin’ with me— totally messin’ up her super-important speech in front a everybody and the Diamonds— she started stutterin’, panickin’— and she messed up so bad, she got embarassed and ran away— outta the ballroom...!” 

“T-The Diamonds— they saw me— ‘cause their stupid fuckin’ Pearls pointed me out in tha’ crowd— and, and— they locked me up here, like they did before...! Just like they did now!”

Steven clasps her arms in confusion. “Huh?”

“It was Blue an’ Yellow—“ she cries, finally confessing the truth. “They’re the ones who locked me in here, t-that’s why I called for you, and destroyed my gown. I lied, m’ sorry,” she mumbles as she clings onto him. 

Steven rubs her arm up and down, assuring her that he wasn’t mad. “They locked me up here... b-but Pink! Pink saved me...!” 

Huh? “Pink found out I had been locked up in here, and so she went to the gardens ta’ call out fo’ me...!”

Spinel chuckles. “Spinel, Spinel— let down your arm...!” she sings. “and I did just as I did for you now, relivin’ the story, and she climbed up.

We stayed here togetha’ and talked— and she cried ta’ me, so sad that she was gonna lose her colony now because she failed as a public speaker— failed as a leader...! She usually gets mad at me when I mess things up fo’ her or get her into  trouble, but this time she wasn’t...? Showin’ me that she had matured so much— that she didn’t need ta’ throw tantrums anymore...!” she smiles.

_ But with that, that’s when Pink Diamond outgrew her, Steven realizes.  _

“B-But even then, she knew I would get shattered fo’ what I did. So— so— she held onto my hand tightly as I hopped onta’ the balcony— so I could extend my arm and lower myself down...! But I couldn’t hold onto the railing by myself, s-so she had to stay behind, takin’ the punishment fo’ me instead.”

Steven gapes his mouth in shock. 

Maybe his mother wasn’t so wicked after all, then.

ᴡʜʏ... ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs, ᴘɪɴᴋ?

ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs? 

ᴡʜʏ?

“She got beat so, so bad. She was locked up fo’ days. But still, she didn’t ask for anythin’ in return when I came back, even if she was so badly hurt and abused...”

“Afta’ all... _what are friends for...?_ ” she mumbles— cracking a smile. 

And then she continues her story. 

“I was outta’ the palace— andI was finally free from the Diamonds...! Free, like one a the off-colors...!”

“The Diamonds were furious with Pink— they threated to take away her colony for good because a me— and she begged and begged, but— after the ball that announced she’d start colonization of the Earth, everyone knew about their plan now, and they couldn’t go back on their word, startin’ a scandal, so they let her keep it ta’ save their perfect, perfect image.”

“I was away for a while ... explorin’ Homeworld for tha’ first time. But Homeworld was so dangerous at the time, and there was so much crime— and I was a perfect cut, so expensive and rare... Thankfully after some time the Diamonds forgot about me, since they’re so so busy conquerin’ planets and all, so I just went back ta’ the palace and bein her jester again, back ta’ normal.”

“...As if I had never gone to the ball,” she concludes. 

“But even then, despite savin’ me, when she got her colony, she still abandoned me in the garden ta rot. I-I thought we were best friends...! I thought she was there ta protec’ me! But she still did that ta’ me, and I’ll neva’ unda’ stand why...” she says sadly, surprisingly having calmed down despite recalling the garden.

Steven wraps his arms around her, hugging her, looking across the room... thinking of his mother alone in here, suffering. “I... I didn’t know, Spinel. I’m so, so—“

“She wasn’t just my f-friend—“ she cuts. “She was like a sister ta’ me. B-but she was also like a ma’, like she was ta’ you, an’ then she was my owner, and then she was my abusa’, and now— now—“ she says looking at him— “now she’s my new lover—!” she gasps. “Isn’t that funny—!?” she exhales, panting in disbelief. “Isn’t that cool—!” she mumbles, fumbling her hands in his grasp as she seeks any kind of comfort from him— and as Steven stares at her, something just ignites in the two of them simultaneously as their eyes meet, and they immediately push themselves onto each other— in a warm embrace— kissing as passionately as ever, Steven harshly cupping her cheeks. 

Holding tightly onto his new lover, too— someone he had hurt so, so, badly, once upon a dream.

_ And isn’t that cruel.  _

Steven lifts himself up so he can hold onto her better, and she stands on her knees between him, kissing him from above. Steven loosens her bun, as it was about to fall apart anyway, and as he holds her, he moves her body to the bed, making her lay on her back beneath the satin pillow. 

Spinel had been partially under the covers, so Steven brings the sheet over him, protecting the two of them. Her body is in between her legs, and Spinel gulps as she feels his cock hover over her entrance. 

Steven bends down to kiss her, trailing kisses down her neck— and she gasps, her heart racing for what’s to come— and he suddenly positions himself, wrapping his arms under hers in support, and leans against her chest, slowly digging his hips into her, his cock gradually, finally entering her.

She moans in his ear anxiously, clinging onto hisshoulders as her arms are wrapped under his, too.

Steven whispers in her ear...

“Ready or not, let’s begin.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS, IM 4TH PLACE IN TERMS OF WORD COUNT FOR THE STEVINEL TAG. I JUST NEED TO REACH 204K (which, lets be real i totally will especially since this fic is nowhere near done and we havent even finished the mini arc B “rapunzel” lmao) AND ILL BE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> so yeah, the story has five fairy tale arcs. 
> 
> Epilogue: Down The Rabbit Hole  
> Exposition: Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum  
> Act I (A): Cinderella  
> Act I (B): Rapunzel  
> Act II: Beauty and the Beast  
> Act III: Sleeping Beauty  
> Act IV: A SECRET! :)  
> Finale. 
> 
> tweedle dee and tweedle dum refer to spade and heart btw. XDDD


	45. Playmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven sleeps with Spinel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♠️ ♥️ ♠️ ♥️ ♠️ ♥️ ♠️ ♥️ ♠️

Spinel groans as she digs her nails into Steven’s back as he slowly inserts himself inside her— Spinel feeling a very, very strange and uncomfortable sensation between her legs. 

Steven exhales as he’s finally inside her— and looks down at her, who’s squeaming under him, mouth gaped. 

She exhales, trying to shake off the tingling and intense feeling as he adjusts himself inside her. 

Spinel shuts her eyes and bites her lip as Steven begins thrusting deeper into her— shutting her legs between him— as he grinds closer and farther out of her, back and forth. Spinel begins panting, clinging onto him. 

Steven goes at a gradual, regular pace to see how she was feeling— since this was his first time, he really wasn’t sure if he was doing it right. 

Spinel winces in pain as he goes into her again a little too hard, and as his hands were planted on the mattress beside her, he brings a hand to her cheek.

“I’m— I’m sorry—“ he says as he shuts his eyes, continuing his thrusts as he really isn’t able to resist— and isn’t able to stop himself at this point.

It’s too addictive now, after waiting for her, his someone, for so long: and he doesn’t ever want to stop. 

“We can get through this, S-Spinel,” he says in between soft grunts that sound so sweetly, like music to her ears. “I’ll do the hardest part with you,” he concludes, making her crack a slight smile. 

Steven leans down, making her gasp as he puts more pressure onto her, and presses his cheek onto her chest, cooling himself with her gem as he begins to sweat profusely, heaving on top of her as he starts to quicken the pace. 

He holds onto her, and shuts his eyes, inhaling her perfume. He plants a soft, yet deep kiss on her gem, and she sighs as she looks up at the dimly-luminated chandelier above them. 

Steven exhales as he starts to thrust faster into her, back and forth— Spinel then shuts her eyes and bites her tongue, practically scratching him as he moves against his nails with aggression now.

“Mm—mm—!” she whimpers above him. Steven looks up at her from her chest and groans softly, kissing her neck. 

Spinel lifts her chin up to expose more of her neck, as Steven continues licking and absorbing her skin, going in rough circular motions as he sucks again, and he does this repetitively until he forms a hickey in her skin, and she whines in pain. He kisses it one last time, healing it, and moves up to her ear.

As he continues grinding in and out of her he presses himself against her ear, his rosy hair brushing against her cheek, its refreshingly soft texture arousing her even more. She hikes her legs up to his thighs and wraps herself around him, prompting him to go deeper. 

“Ah! Ahmm— Ah!” she cries— but Steven nuzzles her cheek to comfort her. “I’m here, Spinel...” he says as he kisses her in the same spot, making her shut an eye. Her mouth is open as he breathes against him, fanning his neck— refreshing him. 

He continues thrusting, rocking the bed, startling the pebbles— and as Spinel’s legs are hiked up, wrapped around him, he thrusts at a faster, yet clumsier pace, trying to pleasure himself as much as possible— this makes her bounce against him— “ah, ah, ah!,” her breasts jiggling against his chest wildly. 

Steven presses himself onto her, getting them to calm down. Spinel moans as he thrusts into her deeper, reaching her center, by doing that.

As Steven had found her g-spot, and she heaves heavily, groaning and gasping with pleasure simultaneously, at the sensation— “Ah, mm— that— that feels so— so good!” she cries with a high pitched voice as he goes faster, deepening as he hits her in the perfect spot every time. 

Spinel is doused in sweat at this point, mixing with his as his chest is against hers, and he wraps his arms under hers again to fast at a faster, closer pace, quickly going up and down her vagina at a shorter distance than before.

Steven loudly moans into her, smothering himself against the soft pillow right beside her, arousing his senses, as he himself feels incredibly pleasured at the moment. 

Spinel whines, and her voice vibrates as she rocks with the bed. As Steven slams himself against her thighs, fluid gushes out of her thighs, making a loud slapping noise that competes with the aggressive moans they share, bruising her.

As she grows wetter and wetter against him, she feels that she’s about to orgasm, liquid building up inside her. Spinel shivers, confused by the unfamiliar sensation— she starts hyperventilating. 

“St-Ste-e-even— w-what is this...!” 

But Steven continues thrusting, pressing his lips against her cheek, kissing her as he leans his head a bit on the bed. He goes at the fastest speed he possibly can, slamming against her— and she feels that she’s about to come.

She digs her nails aggressively onto him— and wraps her extended legs even tighter around him— suffocating him— pushing herself deeper into him one last time — and squints her eyes shut and wails loudly as liquid gushes out of her, tickling her entrance, and onto his wet cock inside her.

“A-Ah!” she cries loudly, as she feels her liquid slip onto her thighs as Steven slams his wet thighs onto her— she moans in pain as she squirts, and squirts again, panting harshly as she comes for him. 

Steven then lets go of her after hugging her against her chest, and clasps her hands which were sprawled on the floor— preparing to pound into her for the final times so he himself can ejaculate into her. 

As he goes incredibly fast, thrusting at a rapid pace up and down her, bruising her insides, Spinel starts groaning in pain— Steven holds her hands tighter in support, so she can latch onto them when he comes. 

Steven grunts loudly, and pounds and pounds into her— Spinel sighing roughly as she’s out of her breath, doused in sweat, and as he begins to feel his orgasm arise— he gasps— he slows down and thrusts into her thighs one, two, three more times until he groans, ejaculating inside her, his warm semen completely filling her to the brim. Spinel trembles— her knees weak, as she completely loosens her grip on his palms and flops her legs to the mattress. 

Steven inches near her, his chest against hers, as he once again wraps and arm under her, coming inside her for a second time, his lips pressed onto her neck, cooling her. 

She pants multiple times as he slows down his thrusts, having fully ejaculated inside her. Steven finally ejects himself from her, and as he quickly slides out of her she gasps as it tickles her— and also because she had gotten to used to him inside her, she can’t help but feel empty now. 

Spinel squirms as she presses her inner thighs together— shifting her labia together in pleasure, as semen seeps out of her. She whines, completely satisifed, her hands impulsively on her breasts as she massages herself, sighing.

That... felt like magic, she thought.

Steven had flopped to the side, lying on his back on the bed, his head laid on the pillow beside her. He heaves up and down, his gem raising with his stomach up and down, as he’s completely exhausted. Spinel sprawls her hand beside her on the bed.

He flimsily searches for Spinel’s hand, and clasps it tightly— and they inhale and exhale in unison, catching their breaths as they softly look at the dimmed chandelier together. 

Steven closes his eyes, resting for a bit as he had exerted so much of his energy doing that with her. 

Steven then drifts off to sleep... dreaming of a new fairy-tale.

_❝ 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔤𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔣, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔦𝔫 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯 𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔴 𝔥𝔦𝔪𝔰𝔢𝔩𝔣 𝔣𝔯𝔬𝔪 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔢𝔯. ℌ𝔢 𝔢𝔰𝔠𝔞𝔭𝔢𝔡 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔩𝔦𝔣𝔢, 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔯𝔫𝔰 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔴𝔥𝔦𝔠𝔥 𝔥𝔢 𝔣𝔢𝔩𝔩 𝔭𝔬𝔨𝔢𝔡 𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔢𝔶𝔢𝔰._

_𝔅𝔩𝔦𝔫𝔡, 𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔱, 𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔤𝔯𝔞𝔰𝔰 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔯𝔬𝔬𝔱𝔰, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔡𝔬𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔭𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔴𝔞𝔦𝔩𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔬𝔰𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔟𝔢𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔡 𝔴𝔦𝔣𝔢._

_𝔗𝔥𝔲𝔰 𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔪𝔦𝔰𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔟𝔩𝔶 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔰𝔬𝔪𝔢 𝔶𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔰, 𝔣𝔦𝔫𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔶 𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔢𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔡𝔢𝔯𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 ℜ𝔞𝔭𝔲𝔫𝔷𝔢𝔩 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔡 𝔪𝔦𝔰𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔟𝔩𝔶 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔴𝔦𝔫𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔰𝔥𝔢 𝔥𝔞𝔡 𝔤𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔫 𝔟𝔦𝔯𝔱𝔥 𝔱𝔬._

_ℌ𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔡 𝔞 𝔳𝔬𝔦𝔠𝔢 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔦𝔱 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔣𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔦𝔞𝔯. ℌ𝔢 𝔞𝔡𝔳𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔡 𝔦𝔱, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔰 𝔥𝔢 𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔯𝔬𝔞𝔠𝔥𝔢𝔡, ℜ𝔞𝔭𝔲𝔫𝔷𝔢𝔩 𝔯𝔢𝔠𝔬𝔤𝔫𝔦𝔷𝔢𝔡 𝔥𝔦𝔪, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔠𝔯𝔶𝔦𝔫𝔤, 𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔴 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔞𝔯𝔪𝔰 𝔞𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔡 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔫𝔢𝔠𝔨._

_𝔗𝔴𝔬 𝔬𝔣 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔰 𝔣𝔢𝔩𝔩 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔢𝔶𝔢𝔰, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔶 𝔟𝔢𝔠𝔞𝔪𝔢 𝔠𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔬𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔞𝔤𝔞𝔦𝔫, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔰𝔢𝔢 𝔞𝔰 𝔴𝔢𝔩𝔩 𝔞𝔰 𝔟𝔢𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔢. ℌ𝔢 𝔩𝔢𝔡 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔡𝔬𝔪, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔞 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔶 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔡 𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔶 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔰𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔰𝔣𝔦𝔢𝔡. ❞_

Only to be woken up by Spinel about half an hour later. 

He opens his eyes to feel Spinel sitting on top of his lap, her eyes fixed on him as she smiles. 

He mumbles and slowly shuts his eyes again, thinking it must be a dream— only to be disrupted by a high-pitched voice.

“Now it’s your turn!” she says saccharinely. 

Steven snaps out of it and officially wakes up— Huh? Wha?! 

Spinel laid naked on top of him, taking advantage of Steven’s complete nudity. 

“Surprise!” she squeals, excited to play with him again. 

...Why is she so enthusiastic all of a sudden?

“S-Spinel, come on, not now... I’m exhausted,” he says as he yawns, adorably rubbing his eye. His curly hair is disheveled, and poofier than usual. She boops his nose, giggling. 

“Tag, you’re it!” she grins. 

“Spinel...” he groans, looking up at her. He thought she let go of tag a long time ago...

“Pl-Please?” she pleads, her eyes shimmering innocently under the chandelier.  Steven’s face flushes red at the sight and bites his lips. He does his signature eye-roll as he can’t refuse that look from her.

“Fine. Just for a few minutes,” he mumbles.

“Yippeeee!” she cheers— quickly raising her arms up— and her breasts jiggle in response. Steven notices that— and he gets aroused all of a sudden, so he clears his throat, looking down. 

Spinel looks down at his crotch and raises her ass up— Steven straightens his cock for her— clumsily, as he’s anxious to have sex with her again so suddenly, and she shimmies down in place. 

“You don’t have ta’ do nothin,’ buster! Lil’ Spinel here is here ta’ treat ya better!” she squeals, as she places her palms on his abdomen to support herself.

Steven then wraps his hands around her waist— and she arches her back for him as she gasps— finally in position. 

“I’m so excited to play!” she whispers to him, grinning like a child. 

Steven can’t help but get uncomfortable by her change in attitude— what was up with her? 

Suddenly, Spinel starts thrusting up and down— causing Steven to groan a bit— and she immediately cuts to the chase, pushing down onto him— catching Steven by surprise. “Sp-Spinel!” 

Spinel starts bouncing playfully on top of him, and then starts giggling. This makes Steven super uncomfortable, as she reminds him of a little girl right now. But she keeps bouncing up and down for him anyway, her breasts following along as she smiles for him. 

“Am I doing it right? Hee-hee!”

“Y-Yeah,” he mutters under her, holding her soft butt cheeks, fondling them as she plays with his dick so innocently and unabashedly like this. 

Spinel pants dramatically, lightly seeping liquid into his cock, and leans down on him, pressing her chest against his. His cock is still inside her as she reaches up to his face and nuzzles his nose affectionately. “Mmm...” 

She very softly plants a kiss on his lips— pressing against him. Spinel massages his chest, relaxing him in place. She even very delicately inserts her tongue inside his mouth— caressing his— making out for a moment. She lets go.

“That was so much fun!” she says happily, clasping her hands together as she lifts herself up, humming. 

Steven starts chuckling awkwardly as he’s still not used to this new behavior, clearing his throat. “Hahah, um... yeah.” 

“Stevie, do you wanna play with me again?” she asks sweetly, pushing herself back into him. 

Stevie?

Steven winces and shuts an eye— and he holds her waist before she can go back inside him. “N-No, I’m good. I’m good, Spinel.” 

All of this change coming from her took him by surprise, honestly— and not in a good way, even though he enjoyed her treating him so nicely all of a sudden.

It was just very strange to him, is all. 

Suddenly, Spinel tenses up after being rejected by him like that— _so familiarly_ — and her face grows sour. 

“Huh? Why?” she asks, clenching her fists.

“I’m just—“

“Just what!” she says as she raises her voice, intensifying her accent as she gets angry.

She cuts him as she gets louder, and she digs her nails onto his chest— he gasps in pain. “H-Hey, Spinel.” 

“Do you just not like me anymore, is that it?! Huh?” she says between gritted teeth. “You’re gonna leave me alone up here wit’ tha’ pebbles?!”

“W-What! No, no—“

“Is that what we are ta’ ya now? Your lil’ stupid playmates, are we, _Stev’n’ Universe?_ ” she digs into him deeper, furrowing her brow.

We...?!

“Want me ta’ shuffle the deck for ya, your highness?!” 

“No, I just d-don’t want to uh, p-play anymore,” he says, panicking— why is she getting so aggressive! 

“Too fuckin’ bad,” she growls, her voice suddenly deepening. She launches herself onto his neck, “we’re playin’ anotha’ round— you ain’t gettin’ rid a me that easy!” she cries, as she starts biting his neck. 

What the fuck is going on?

“Ah—Ah! Sp-Spinel, come on— ow!” 

But his protests mean nothing as she continues nipping and sucking violently at his neck— she cups her hands on his cheeks harshly and trails her hard kisses up to his lip— making out with him— roughly biting his upper lip along the way. “Ah— ow! Spinel— you’re scaring me, hey—“

“I want you around, Universe— and I ain’t letting you go — I’ll show you what you’re missin’! ” she mutters, as she sticks her tongue down his throat— and he moans, surprised— but she continues rubbing circles around him, hard— exploring and taking over every inch of his mouth. 

He tugs her hair, and she moans with pleasure— arousing him more all of a sudden.

He... admits he likes this Spinel’s new approach to sex. It seems she had been revealing two sides of her in bed, experimenting with him— the two sides she’s shown him that he can’t help but love— and hate about her. 

Sure, Spinel was hot-headed, explosive, and crude— but somehow, she was also incredibly silly, playful, and affectionate...

Steven wishes she could see more of these two personas she’s been concealing them from him all this time, only leaving little hints of their existence for him along the way since they became friends.

Someone who challenges him— but also someone who brings him endless joy— like Blue commented before.

Spinel continues invading his tongue, but it gets to the point that she’s suffocating him now— so he tries to push her off— but she goes deeper, nearly making him choke— “Spinel, cut it out—!” he calls out, frustrated. “Stop! Stop!”

“Then stop me! You wanna attack me. Just admit it. Or better yet, just try it!” she then goes back to kissing him—and Steven nearly swoons at her touch, until...

Why... does that sound so familiar?  Steven shakes his head— snapping out of it— and grunts as he pushes her off.

But she whines, and as she’s forced off of him— her face flushes up, and she starts to get mad, her lip quivering, and Steven looks up at her— and she just slaps him across the face, shutting her eyes. 

Steven flinches in pain— and brings a hand to his cheek— ah, it stings. 

Steven grabs her wrist and digs his nails onto her— “what the fuck are you doing!” he yells, pissed off now.

But suddenly— Spinel’s face softens up as he screams at her— and she starts tearing up— “I’m— I’m, I’m sorry...!” she cries, seemingly losing her accent altogether. 

“Huh...?” he says, letting go of her. 

“I’m sorry— I don’t know what came over me I just— really, really wanted to have sex wit’ you again!” she says as she sobs, ashamed. She brings her hand to her face, hiding herself. “B-But it came out so, so wrong!” 

What... the hell is wrong with her?

Steven watches her cry in front of him and sighs, leaning his head back as he shuts his eyes for a moment. He looks back up at her as she rubs the tears out of her eyes and holds her by the waist— lifting her up to sit across his lap. 

Spinel gapes her mouth slightly in surprise as she’s held like this— Why does he still treat her better, after everything? Why does he still want her around?

Steven sighs as he supports her back, and then clasps her hand with his other hand— rubbing circles into it to calm her down. She looks up at him, biting her finger anxiously. 

“Spinel... what was that?”

“I-I don’t know. Roleplay?” she blurts out, trying to come up with a response. 

Steven bursts out laughing. “No, no... that’s not it, hah,” he says as he looks sweetly at her flushed face, tears down her cheek from crying. 

Steven sees that she has some kind of dust on her— ashes? Cinders? on her face. 

Likely from being electrocuted by the Pearls. But she doesn’t tell him that.

And he dusts them off— signifying her departure as the role of Cinderella— and now onto becoming Rapunzel, the maiden trapped in the tower, seduced by a handsome prince... who impregnates her with twins.

But that can’t possibly happen in this story, right?

Spinel starts thinking back to the Pearls... and how she was initially so excited to live with them again. She thought after all these years— things would be better— but instead they’ve taken a turn for a worse, frustrating Spinel.

Spinel breaks down crying again, wrapping her arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder. Steven rubs her back to calm her down— “Spinel... what’s wrong?”

She sighs profusely. 

“...I just want a betta’ fam’ly,” she gives in, her accent returning as her emotions intensify. “New sistas’, m-maybe. Ones actually related ta’ me, p-please.”

“They don’t hav’ ta’ be perfect— I just — hic — want somebody who treats me betta’ — hic — an’, and maybe somebody else who— hic — who wants me around...” she says as she hiccups, sobbing, choking on her tears.

Steven looks down at her compassionately. 

“I’ll help you make a family, Spinel,” he says as he delicately removes the hair from her face— and as he caresses her cheek, she cups his hand, nuzzling against it for warmth. 

“I don’t know how I’ll help you get new sisters, but... I will.”

“Someday, Somewhere, Somehow— I’ll help you finally feel found. ” 

And with his magical semen he had just ejaculated into her before, he did— his own permanent little spell on his princess, as she had just been “impregnated”— or, not to use a loaded phrase— _injected_ with twins after being rescued from her tower by her prince.

One alter who treated her, and him, better, and another one who wants her, and him, around, fulfilling their wishes to someday, somewhere, somehow, find their someones.

A Beauty, and a Beast.

And for long they lived happily and satisfied. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry— we got caught up in something, I’m sorry. I won’t do that again.”
> 
> “Eh, it’s fine. If it weren’t for that I wouldn’t have met Spencer and Harley.”
> 
> “Who?”
> 
> “The kids I was just playin’ with. Those are their names. They were twins, or somethin’.”
> 
> — 
> 
> I edited their names— their names starting with Sp and Ha. Sound familiar? xD  
> Did this to foreshadow this arc for future readers. <3


	46. My Little Reason Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pebbles make a new dress for Spinel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🥳🥳🥳🥳 ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE FIC SINCE I STARTED JUNE 18 🥳🥳🥳🥳 47 chapters in one month ahhhh
> 
> THE BALL ARC IS 12 CHAPTERS DJJDNFKDKDKDMMDKDNDND... AS IN 12AM MIDNIGHT AGHHHHGGGHGHTGHG MY BRAIN IS SO BIG 🧠 💥

A couple of hours had passed into the night— and the ball was long over, as the palace found itself in complete silence. An empty castle frozen in time— foreshadowing another fairy tale to come, perhaps.

Steven flutters his eyes open to a cooling sensation— only to find himself under the canopy with Spinel sleeping beside him— her soft breasts and her cold gem against his waist, waking him up.

Steven slowly and carefully shifts his body to the side, trying as not to wake her as he gets off the mattress to stretch. He raises his arms up— but gets distracted as he notices the pebbles murmuring as they see him completely naked. 

Steven quietly chuckles and picks up his underwear from the floor— hiking them back up his waist. He then picks up his romper and slides the pants back on, and then he inserts his arms down the shoulder puffs, putting it on. He reaches behind his back and clasps it on, securing it. 

Steven was now back to being a prince for Spinel. 

Steven looks down at the floor to see Spinel’s dress— but it was torn to shreds, as there were now holes on it. The pebbles scurry up to him— insisting that they can fix it, retailor it for her, and so he gives it to them. 

The pebbles quietly shoo him out of the room— as they need their privacy so they can focus on the dress— plus, they want it to be a surprise! 

So he steps out, gently shutting the door behind him as not to wake the sleeping Spinel. He leans against the wall and sighs, bringing a hand to his chest as his heart beats— he suddenly finds himself getting warm as he remembers the memory of Spinel’s breasts on top of him— him inside her— them making love to eachother under the chandelier, protected by a canopy.

Steven’s breath hikes up and he fans himself— he feels an erection coming on so he exhales, shaking his head and stomps down the hallway, trying to cool off, relax his arousal. 

As he walks, he finds himself humming— and then quietly singing, a familiar song— one he once heard in the palace with Spinel by his side.

_Cold, palace walls... ♫_

_And endless empty halls ♫_

_Haunted by echos of laughter ♫_

_ You gave a pull...♫ _

_ And suddenly, befold ♫_

_ Are thrown the gates open after you... ♫ _

_ And swept in with the throng ♫_

_ Comes this wonderful song... ♫_

We see him do a romantic spin in the middle of the hallway— holding himself, wrapped in a self hug, smiling as he blushes.

_ My little reason why... ♫ _

_ I'll never make you cry ♫ _

_ Oh, I have got the sweetest things to tell you every day ♫ _

_ My little reason why... ♫ _

He skipped back up the hallway to open the door back to his quarters. 

He nears Spinel who was still on the bed, gradually waking up as she overheard Steven’s song outside the hallway. She turns her face, opening her eyes, to look at him warmly. 

Steven kneels down on the floor next to her, and leans down to kiss her. 

_ You make me want to try ♫ _

_ Loving you... ♫ _

Spinel closes her eyes to savor the kiss— as he gently presses onto her. She stretches in place, and as she shifts her arms up to the headboard her breasts expose themselves to him. 

Spinel gradually lifts herself up— and Steven sits with her on the bed— and as she looks at him, she opens her arms up to him, requesting a hug.

Steven smiles, taken aback, and embraces her— leaning against her cheek. Spinel massages his curly hair, trying to detangle it as he still had bed-head from that night. 

Spinel parts with him— and as he looks down at her he kisses her... and the two take a moment to enjoy the moment— softly pressing themselves apart. Their lips do a light, squeaking, smacking noise as they part— and Spinel gazes up at his face— laughing. 

Her laughter echoes around the bedroom.

She notices his freckles look like little constellations, and his brown eyes glimmer under the chandelier. 

The pebbles start murmering again, and they call out for Steven’s attention— he turns around and sees that the dress is complete, so he rushes up to take it from its mannequin and shows it to her, returning. 

“D-Do you like it? I had them make it for you, since your dress had been destroyed...” he says sadly. 

Spinel nods, smiling. That was so... thoughtful. “T-Thank you,” she tries to take it, but Steven insists— asking her to stand up with him so he can put it on. 

Spinel complies and stands up— a bit shyly as she was fully naked in front of him. They just had sex together— why is she ashamed to show her body?

He was her Diamond, after all. 

Steven kneels down under her and puts his dress under her as she lifts her knees up for him— a bit embarassed to be flaunting her vagina in front of him like that. She puts the other one in, and he hikes it up her hips and up her waist— she elegantly puts her hands through the arm-holes— and he secures the collar in place. 

She turns around, asking him to zip it up for her— and as he finishes, he moves in front of her, with her in front of the bed, to admire her new appearance. 

“Gorgeous,” he whispers— and Spinel blushes— Steven then gazes at her, walking closer to her.

He drags his hands down her breasts and down her stomach— making Spinel gasp at his touch— and bends and kneels down until his hands reach her thighs. Spinel looks down at him in confusion. 

Steven delicately lifts her dress up— asking her to hold onto the ends of it, as she’s forced to expose his vagina for him again as she stands above him. Spinel bites her lips and groans— averting his eyes— as she finds herself so exposed for him. 

Steven nears her lips and kisses it— a soft peck pressed against her— and she squirms as she starts getting aroused just at the sensation of him under her like this. She presses her thighs together, and he slightly opens he legs, leaning closer to insert his tongue between them. 

Spinel softly moans as he goes in, licking her clit— massaging it with his moist tongue. As he goes deeper and faster— so, so much faster— she starts panting aggressively— her breasts harden and she finds herself sweating. “St-Steven... please. Not in front of the pebbles,” she chuckles. 

Although Steven was buried between her thighs, he gestures with his arms at the pebbles, shooing them away. They scatter back into the walls, giving them privacy. He inserts his tongue in and out, in and out, toying with her— she moans louder— her breath hikes up— and she impulsively grinds her thighs together trying to compose herself— only to force him to stay between her legs and go deeper. 

At this point, Steven’s tongue is almost fully inside her, as he fully tastes her vagina— she’s so wet for him, and he goes so aggressively she hears herself squishing for him— moisture seeping into his mouth. 

Spinel starts panting heavily— and shuts her eyes— she brings her chin up, and needs any sort of way to relieve herself— so she cups a hand to her tender breast and starts massaging it, moaning in the air, rubbing. As Steven goes faster, licking her in circle motions, so does she— and she exhales loudly. 

She feels that after so many aggressive circles around her— and after growing so unbelievably moist and wet down there— that she’s about to come. She starts hyperventilating, whining a bit— her lips parted as she squirms— and she calls out for Steven. “Steven...!” 

But suddenly, he lets go— just as she was about to come. “Huh?”

What happened? Spinel can’t help but grind her thighs together, harshly shifting them— she feels like she’s on fucking fire, as her thighs are moist and she’s so, so incredibly aroused.

Their eyes meet. “I want you to finish for me, Spinel.” 

Spinel’s voice cracks— “I-I-“ as that was so... unbelievably cruel and manipulative of him. Steven smirks— and as she realizes he’s dressed as a Diamond, she sees his true colors shining through. 

Spinel tries to resist the urge, trying not to give in— knowing that he wants her to perform for him, like Pink— and that he wants to be entertained — and she won’t go back to that again! But liquid slowly, so slowly oozes out of her— and she’s so violently tingly—and she starts panting again, louder— she trails her hand down her crotch, trembling— she has to put something inside there, anything— and she bites her lip, closing her eyes. 

Steven holds her skirt up for so he watches— a front-row seat— and she buries fingers down her entrance. She whines— “mm..!” as she begins rubbing herself up and down for him. She cries, panting— as she wants to stop— but it feels so, so good— and it’s fulfilling her— so she penetrates herself deeper and rubs harshly. 

Steven watches her, feeling his erection rise as he moans and whimpers above him— making him incredibly hard. He himself starts panting— and he looks down— giving in— aggressively unclasps his bodice, swiftly pulling his romper down, sending his pants to the floor. He lowers his underwear to see his penis erect— and he grasps it, shoving his hands up and down it rapidly as he masturbates to her— right under her. 

Spinel hears Steven moan loudly, and opens her eyes to look under him as she catches him masturbating— and her breath hikes— he hears her gasp, and goes faster for her— harsher for her— his voice cracks as he mumbles her name, eyes closed as he imagines her inside him. “Mmf... Spinel... Spinel...! Ah,” he cries. 

Spinel gets even more aroused at the sight— staring down at him, so weak before her— and with a gaped mouth she messages her clit deeply in disgusting, flimsy circular motions, moaning incredibly loudly for him. Steven quickens his pace— competing with her— as she goes in aggressive motions— and she chokes on her breath— and groans and flops down to the ground on her knees, coming into her fingers right in front of him. “Ah— Ah! Ah!”

Steven himself finally ejaculates— his semen squirting on top of her thighs— Spinel huffs heavily, trying to catch her breath— crying as she comes into her fingers again, bending down to the ground. “Mmmnghh!” 

Spinel finishes and composes herself, removing her hand— and as she looks up at Steven who started leaning back and lightly bringing his knees up, exposing his lap for her— she immediately sits on it— inserting herself inside him this time without hesitation. 

She starts thrusting up and down, wrapping herself around his back— and Steven himself helps her by bouncing his leg up and down with her, grunting. They go at this for minutes— they just fuck eachother in silence— enjoying their privacy— only hearing themselves sigh and moan repeatedly in unison as they go along. He crosses his legs and lifts himself up— forcing her to grind against him, seated on the floor— pounding into eachother as they clasp eachother tight. Spinel cries as she comes— and him inside her— and Steven flops to the ground— taking Spinel down with him. 

Spinel lays on his chest, panting on top of him, wrapping in his arms doused in sweat. They pant together in unison, closing their eyes— resting for a fleeting moment— exhausted. 

After a few minutes, Spinel lifts herself  back up and sits on her thighs on the floor in front of Steven. Pink Diamond follows, kneeling in front of her. He holds both of her hands. 

“I’m... sorry I made you do that. I know you didn’t like it— I— I don’t know what came over me,” he says, ashamed. 

“It’s... it’s okay,” she responds. “It just reminded me of performing for her before, s-so I started crying.”

Steven pecks a kiss on her lips. 

“I won’t make you cry again.”

He rubs her thumb, calming her down... and begins to quietly sing to her.

_ My little reason why... ♫ _

_ I'll never make you cry ♫ _

_ Oh, I have got the sweetest things to tell you every day ♫ _

He nuzzles her cheek with his affectionately. 

_ My little reason why... ♫ _

_ You make me want to try ♫ _

_ Loving you... ♫ _

There’s a silence. 

“Spinel... I,” he shuts his eyes as he parts. “It’s difficult for me to admit this but — you — you make me want to make a change. A really big,  dramatic change in my life,” he sighs.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

“Huh?”

“I know this sounds ridiculous, but— I thought I was meant to be with Connie— I’m bethrothed to her, after all— b-but for some reason, I’m... I’m just so drawn to you— and I know you’re not mine, you’re my mother’s— but you just make me so happy anyway— and I know I make you happy too!” his voice suddenly cracks, with tears in his eyes.

“Steven... I—“ 

“I’ve been... imagining things,” he admits, tapping his fingers together anxiously.

“Huh?” 

“I imagine that I ran away with you...! Here, to Homeworld! Isn’t that crazy? I don’t know why— but— all of a sudden, you make me want to leave Connie— leave Beach City— and, and start from scratch with someone! Start our own family, even if it’s just the two of us!” 

“I. I— but— but your happily eva’ afta’, St—“ he cuts. 

”You’re my happily ever after, Spinel,” he says, gazing directly at her— making her stammer. 

“I, what— Wha-a-a?!” she gasps. 

“You’re the one, Spinel!” he tells her as he clasps her shoulders, looking directly at her. “The one I’ve been looking for! The one who treats me better and wants me around— and I’m your someone! I’m the one who fits the slipper! All this time, we were singing about you finding someone— b-but we were right in front of eachother the whole time!” 

Spinel looks up at him, starry eyed.

He holds her hands up— “please— please— be this with me— do this with me! I’ll treat you, so, so much better than my mom did—“ he says between muffled cries— hugging her tight— burying himself in her neck. “I pr-promise, Spinel— I won’t hurt you or abandon you like she did— I swear. Come with me this time, please—“ he says with desperation as he clings to her tight.

Spinel is speechless— did she really mean that much to him?

“I know that you’re not her, and neither am I— b-but you’re the only one I trust who knew her personally— and knew what it meant to love her.”

She nods, knowing he does too. He’s the only one who understands her. 

”And— and you remind me of her— so, so much of her. When I’m with you, I feel she’s still with me, even in death. And I know you see her in me too. And even if it’s hard to admit I do... just as I love my mom— I love you.”

Huh?

He kisses her on the cheek, pressing harshly against it. Spinel’s eyes start shaking.

“I... I love you, Spinel—“ Spinel’s heart stops and she gasps in his ear.

“So, so much,” he whispers as he nuzzles against her, fanning her neck with a sigh. He pecks her cheek— massaging the back of her head, rubbing his hand down her long hair— pressing against her gem— uniting with her. He looks down at her back. 

Their gems glow a bit— but then begin flickering on and off— as their gems had been trying to fuse for a moment, but failed.

They didn’t notice this, too distracted in eachothers’ arms. 

They hold eachother in an embrace, holding eachother on the floor— warming themselves in the coolness of the night. Spinel holds back her tears, tired of crying all the time. Instead she just savors the moment with him.

Steven suddenly stops moving. 

“Why...” he says as he looks down at his Diamond gem— one that sealed his fate as a monarch of Homeworld and heir of the Earth. In looking at Spinel’s gem he realizes how unacceptable his relationship with Spinel is to Homeworld, and to the Crystal Gems.

“Why am I so sure that I’d rather be this than anything I was supposed to be? And that I’d rather do this than anything I was supposed to do?” he asks in confusion and confliction, panting.

Spinel giggles as she looks up at him— remembering how these empty walls had changed her, too. 

“Welcome to the palace.”


	47. Starting With Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel welcomes Steven back to the palace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i proofread but there may still be errors.  
> ❗ ❗ ❗ ❗  
> This is a very important chapter: 
> 
> 📌 Please read the authors notes at the end as there is a questionnaire. :)
> 
> 📌 Please promote the fic into the #Stevinel tag on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, or share to Reddit/etc.
> 
> 📌 Please leave kudos before tabbing out!! Thank you.
> 
> 📌 REREAD THE FIC, OR AT LEAST THE FLASHBACK AND BALL CHAPTERS AS I’VE PROOFREAD ALL OF THEM!!! 
> 
> 📌 I have an official chronological order of the fic at the bottom for those who are confused by the flashbacks.
> 
> ❗ TW: I mention r*pe, but no r*pe will happen.  
> Lastly, leave a comment if you haven’t yet!! I wanna say hi. :)

“...Huh?” mutters Steven as he looks across at Spinel on the floor. “What was that?”

“What was what?” she asks innocently, scratching her head with a finger, as he furrows his brow. 

“What you just said, welcome to—“

“Ohhh!” she gasps. “I said welcome back to the palace, hehe!” she says as she starts to cling onto him, pressing her breasts against his chest. Steven starts panting, aroused again— especially at the combination of her warm body and cold gem— and clears his throat loudly. 

He starts chuckling awkwardly. Um, the palace? That can’t be right. “Hahah, ha,” laughs Steven as he picks Spinel up by the waist and puts her back on the bed, sitting. “Well, um...” he mumbles as he picks up his underwear and suit, hiking it back up. As he pulls his pants up, he starts trembling anxiously, and nearly trips. Spinel giggles cutely seeing him so shy around her suddenly.

Steven slips his top back on as well— and reaches to his back to reclasp it— but he’s shaking so much he struggles. “Uh— ah...” he mumbles, and Spinel brings her knees to the bed reach up and clip his outfit together for him. 

Steven starts moving towards the door, heading out— but Spinel extends her arm with her flexibility and grabs his hand, holding him in place. “Uh, Spinel...?”

“Where are ya goin’ buddy?” she asks playfully, confused. 

“Uh... home? I’m taking you home, Spinel. Let me go so I can open the door for us.”

Spinel’s lips begin to quiver. “B-but—“ she begins to stammer quietly— “this is home!”

Steven winces, shutting his eyes. He exhales, and opens them again. 

He uses his hands, one still gripped in her hand, to emphasize what he’s about to tell her.

“Spinel: Homeworld. Is not. My home.”

Spinel doesn’t like the sound of that. Homeworld is _her_ world. Her special world in fact, and if Steven wants to be with her, he has to support her decision to stay in the palace.

Spinel starts whimpering, panicking as she grips tighter. “H-Huh? B-But you said you w-wanted ta’ run away with me ta’ here? Did you c-change your mind that quickly?”

“Spinel...” he sighs again, overwhelmed. “I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean what I said about actually living in the palace. It was a fantasy.”

“A fantasy?” she frowns. Is their relationship a fantasy, too...? 

“Yeah... I’m, I’m sorry. I really enjoyed myself at the ball tonight— especially since you accompanied this time. But I abdicated from the throne for a reason. I can’t actually stand it here— I wish I could live here happily as a prince, but I can’t. This place is too robotic and lifeless— the Diamonds and their employees are overbearing— there’s no nature, or art, or actual beauty here— not to mention my family and friends aren’t here— it’s not happening. I’m never coming back.”

He just said that because he wanted to be alone with Spinel, knowing that the Crystal Gems wouldn’t approve of their relationship, nor was he capable of confronting Connie about it— so he fantasized about running away from all these conflicts, problems, and confrontations on Earth.

“Why?! It’s not all that bad with me here! We can just— we can now live with the Diamonds again! We can be a fam’ly again! And play ta-getha in the palace! Like the old times— like we used to! We had so much fun tagetha, my Diamond!” she tries to convince him.

Steven doesn’t like where this is going. “Spinel,” he tells her firmly. “I know you like luxury, but I don’t.” 

“And— and we can go b-back ta’ the garden— and you can kiss it all betta! You can heal it, and we’ll plant new flowers, and—“

“Spinel.” 

“W-Why! Why are you— why are you leaving me again! For that— for that nowhere planet!” the pitch of her voice rises exponentially as she clenches her fist, flinching. She grits her teeth at the mention of the planet Earth— knowing Connie and the gems were there to seperate them and take him away from her. Again.

“Spinel—“ 

“Why don’t you want ‘ta play games wit’ me anymore— did I bore you? Did I do bad? Do you not like me anymore? Are you gonna leave me alone?! Should I try a new game?” 

Steven starts to visibly tense up at the sound of the word ‘game’ and turns pink. 

“Spinel— “ he stomps his foot. “THIS ISN’T A GAME!” he loudly shouts at her, shutting his eyes. The chandelier starts shaking, and the pebbles come out of their cubbies, confused and dizzy from the vibrations which felt so powerful to their tiny bodies.

Spinel starts whimpering, quivering her lips— she starts pulling him back to her— “Spinel. Spinel,” she starts sniffling. “Stop—“ but she doesn’t, tugging harder with desperation, whining under her breath. “Pinkie, please. Please, please don’t abandon me again, Pink—“ 

As Steven hears the sound of Spinel  calling her his mother’s name— implying it was him who abandoned her— he grows even pinker— and just explodes on Spinel after having to remind almost everybody at the ball that he wasn’t his mom— now she’s confused, too?

“SPINEL!” he huffs. “I’M — NOT — PINK DIAMOND!!!!!!!!” he screams, causing an earthquake on the palace floor, forcing Spinel to lose grip of him and let him go. She collapses on the bed— extending her arms so she grips on its corners, trying to remain still during the powerful earthquake. 

Spinel suddenly hears the glass chandelier clink against itself aggressively— and as the earthquake continues— she notices the roof rapidly cracking over. Muttering unintelligably as she’s frozen in place— she calls out for Steven— “Uh, um— uh— Steven— Steven...!” her high-pitched voice cracks. 

Steven rolls his eyes as he had turned his back on her. “Oh, now you know my fucking name.” He folds his arms. 

“Steven!!!!!” she gasps loudly as the crack gets worse— and Steven turns around to see the roof break— about to collapse on her. “SPINEL!!!!” 

Steven launches himself onto her, pushing both of them off the bed— and onto the floor— slamming her head against it. The chandelier falls on the bed, and pieces of it drop to the floor, breaking. 

Steven grows in size and hovers over her— covering her, hugging her, in protection. Spinel whines under his breath, confused— she thought he was gonna hurt her.

Steven looks down at his enlarged hands, and pants in confusion. Why... he did protect her...? Usually in this form, he’d attack someone— in this situation, in all honestly, he’d fucking rape her right now— especially since her dress is destroyed again and she’s barebreast under him— knowing how dangerous, uncontrollable, and animalistic he is like this. 

Steven pants— and even though he’s still Pink, he gradually shrinks in size in front of her. Spinel gapes up at him in shock. 

She stammers— “you— you really are her, aren’t you. You’re Pink Diamond.” 

Steven sighs, looking down. “No... I’m not, Spinel.” 

“...Then why... do you make me so sad?” she mumbles, looking to the side.

Steven’s heart just sinks. He starts stammering, trying to compose himself as he’s caught by surprise. Was he really that bad?

“...Huh? I... I’m sorry— I. I didn’t know— I didn’t know it was like th—“ he mutters, his voice cracking. This is so agonizing— then suddenly— 

“—But also so, so, happy, at the same time?!” she cuts him, panting— she then clumsily reaches out for his hand, clasping it— rubbing it with her palm. 

Steven looks down at her, furrowing his brow as his lips are parted. 

She stares right at him— her chest rising up and down as he hovers over her like this. She continues gripping his hand to comfort him, nonetheless— despite his horrifying, horrifying Diamond form on top of her— letting him know she’s there for him during this confusing, scary moment while he’s transformed like this.

A beauty unafraid of the beast.

Because she knows exactly what he’s going through, as she’s lived it before.

Isn’t that lovely?

Steven starts murmuring unintelligibly to himself.

Why... 

Why does he suddenly feel found? 

At the sudden realization, Steven just lunges himself onto her, kissing her— he grabs her by the sides and helps her lift herself up— Spinel cupping his cheeks as she shuts her eyes and deepens the passionate kiss. They groan and whine against eachother— fanning their faces with their breaths as they make out aggressively— Spinel’s breath hikes as he bites her lip and cups her face as well— bringing her close. 

Spinel pushes himself deeper onto him— leaning on his chest— and he grabs her by the waist and lifts her up— pushing her against the wall as he forces his tongue into her, causing her to moan inside him. She wraps her legs around him and whines as he trails kisses down her neck— nipping and sucking at it— and she lifts her chin up and exposes her entire neck for him, shutting her eyes for him. 

They make out again, swirling and pressing their tongues inside each other going at it for a couple minutes— until Steven suddenly grows so tired— and heaves— he almost passes out on her, and drops her to the ground. He brings his palms to the floor, panting, trying to catch his breath after exerting so much energy. 

Spinel reaches out to him and removes the hair out of his face and behind his ears. He mutters a thank you.

Spinel speaks up after a silence.

“I know ya ain’t her, Steven. I’m sorry,” she admits. 

He looks relieved. Finally, someone who understands him.

“But... you’re actin’— and lookin’— an awful lot like her right now,” she says. Steven realizes he’s still pink— why is he still pink?? He doesn’t want to hurt her anymore— everything should be okay. Why is he still in defense-mode? 

Spinel gasps as she looks behind her— his Pink Diamond self having already sensed the impending danger— “STEVEN! WATCH OUT!” Huh? But before he can even turn around— he feels an electric pulse hit him, shocking him and completely weakening him. Spinel brings her hands to her mouth, hyperventilating. 

It was one of the Pearls with the gem destabilizer. 

_His_ Pearl. 

“That should keep him off of her!” says Pearl, as the three other Pearls are behind her. 

What the actual fuck is going on? 

Steven’s groaning on the floor— about to pass out— he starts hallucinating as a result of so much pain. Being shocked by his mother-figure in her bedroom like this... 

Why does this feel so... familiar? He himself hears the voices now.

ᴡ ʜʏ...

ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs, ᴘɪɴᴋ?

ᴡ ʜʏ,  ᴘ ɪɴ ᴋ ?

Steven covers his ears, whining. Spinel shakes him— trying to wake him up as the Pearls near her— the Pearls grab her by the arms, trying to get her off of him— and she kicks wildly, yelling. “STEVEN! STEVEN, WAKE UP!” 

Steven continues groaning, trying to shake off the feeling. Who the hell is Steven? 

Spinel realizes the way to trigger him— “PINK!” Pearl gasps, and drops the destabilizer on the floor as Steven flinches, opening his eyes at the sound of his name. 

_His_ name. 

Steven grows fuchsia pink— brighter than before— and growls as he swiftly faces Pearl— coming to his senses— no, HER senses— and grabs Pearl by the collar, causing her to cry. 

“St-St-Steven! Steven, sweetie, please— calm down, we can talk this out!” whines Pearl as he grips tighter. He looks down at the pearls, who are cowering behind her, holding eachother in fear.

He realizes he had been trying to seperate Spinel from him— but they had to weaken him first of course. They also waited until his back was turned so he would never know it was them. 

What a fucking menagerie. 

Steven looks up again at Pearl, lifting her up in the air— she nearly chokes against the collar— “Steven— Steven—“ she awkwardly laughs, “you’re gonna kill me like this, silly! You’re scaring the pearls!” 

Steven clenches his teeth. 

“You know... I stood up to take my anger out on a bunch of strangers... But now that I know you, I wanna kill you even more.”

Spinel instantly recognizes that line— huh?! Suddenly, Steven starts walking towards the balcony, Pearl in hand. “He-Hey-Hey-Hey, buddy, where ya goin’?!” shouts Spinel. 

“Just can it, Spinel,” he mumbles, and then proceeds to ignore her as he walks. 

Spinel starts tugging at his hand— “Steven! Let her go!” but he’s so strong he tugs her with him towards the balcony— forcing Spinel to watch Steven dangle Pearl from the balcony. He’s gonna fucking kill her! 

“Steven, please—“ says Pearl— “I just want what’s best for you— what’s best for Homeworld— what’s best for Earth!” Steven starts letting go of his fingers, one by one. “I want what’s best for your mother— Rose Quartz!” 

Spinel starts panicking as she fails to move him— fuck, fuck! She has to change him back to normal! What would Steven do!? Uh... give some inspirational speech, befriend enemy gems, sing some stupid song— wait, that’s it! His song!

She has to help him make a  change, like he helped her to!

Spinel lets go of Steven and starts to sing, her voice shaking as she trembles. 

_You can make a promise... ♫_

Steven shuts his eyes and flinches, clinging onto Pearl. Huh? What...? 

_You can make a plan ♫   
You can make a difference  ♫   
You can take a stand  ♫_

Steven starts to hum— as he knows the song— but he quickly snaps out of it, shaking his head. He can’t let Pearl get away with this— she was coming between their Happily Ever After! 

“No. No! You don't understand. You can't change the way I feel!” he says, once again losing a finger as Pearl dangles hundreds of feet in the air— the cold, cobblestone garden floor beneath her, awaiting her doom.

_You can make an effort_ _ ♫   
If you only understand  ♫   
That you... you can make a change!  ♫_

Steven groans as she sings, rolling his eyes. 

“All that stuff's easy for you to say. When you change, you change for the better; when I change, I change for the worse!”

Spinel clings onto him, shaking him, begging to let Pearl go. As much as Spade would LOVE to kill Pearl right now, Heart’s fighting her as much as she can to save her— his protective mother. 

_You can make a difference ♫   
You can make it right  ♫   
You can make it better  ♫   
We don't have to fight  ♫   
You can make an effort  ♫   
**Starting with tonight!** ♫_

Steven interrupts— “Spinel, I said just can it, won't ya?! You can't just make everything better by singing SOME STUPID SONG!”

But she doesn’t give up yet— and finishes her song, raising her hand up. 

_'Cause you... ♫   
You can make a change!  ♫_

She says as she pounces on his back, wrapping herself around him, trying to distract him. He tries to push her off of him, but...

Steven starts dissociating as he hears the word change again— Steven, the real him, overpowered by Pink Diamond, finally hears it. 

He blinks rapidly, snapping out of it.

“Ch-Change...?”

Yes!! That was the missing piece! Steven’spower to change! 

Steven brings Pearl back inside and drops her to the floor. She gasps for air, and one of the Pearls rushes to help her up— they all run out of the room together, surrendering, giving up their plan— for now. 

Steven collapses to the floor, grunting, and Spinel lets go— she walks to the front of him and faces him as he groans, hallucinating. 

Spinel cups his cheeks, trying to make him look up at her— recognize her— snap out of it— anything! “Steven! It’s me, your best friend Spinel! Steven!”

Steven shuts his eyes— and opens them to look up at her— he slowly fades back to his normal color, losing pink.

Steven winces as he experiences a migraine, and Spinel holds him by the shoulders as he composes himself. He rubs his forehead. 

“Ugh... what happened...? Why did I wanna hurt her— why did I wanna hurt Pearl so bad?” 

ᴡ ʜʏ...

ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs, ᴘɪɴᴋ?

ᴡ ʜʏ,  ᴘ ɪɴ ᴋ ?

As he hears the Diamonds’ voices— he realizes he was following in his mother’s footsteps— as she, too, tried to hurt her Pearl once. 

“P-Pearl shocked you with her sp-sparky sparky boom shocky-thing thong t-thingy—“ she says, panicking as she can’t find the right words— “and she was gonna take me away from you!” 

Steven weakly limps himself up. “I’m— gonna go get her. I won’t let the Pearls get away with this— she can’t manipulate us anymore—“ he’s far too weak, though, so he falls back down. He tries to pull her back down. 

“No, no! You’re too frail, you’ll hurt yourself.” She stands up. “I’ll do it— just stay here with the others—“ referring to the pebbles who crowd around them— “and I’ll be right... back!” she says as she gradually lets go of him, trying to slide out of his grasp as he embraces her.

But he reaches out for again and grips her hand tightly, refusing to let her go. “NO!” he shouts— sounding very similar to how Spinel did a long, long time ago. 

“Stay here— Spinel, please,” he begs, but she still tries to reach out of his grasp, panting— “Spinel. Stay still.” he commands. 

Steven looks down at her chest, and feels that she’s finally stood still for him— he heaves a sigh of relief, and presses himself against his chest. 

“Don’t leave me, Spinel...” he mumbles under her as he starts sobbing. “Don’t abandon me above the garden, p-please...” he groans as he cries on top of her, holding her tight. Despite crying, he suddenly becomes overwhelmed with joy, and starts laughing behind muffled cries.

He found someone.

Isn’t that lovely?

“T-Today, s-somewhere, somehow... I’ll love again...” he says as he nuzzles himself against her, clinging onto her for warmth. He’s about to lose everything— his throne, his family, his planet— yet he still has her by his side. “I’ve already found someone...” 

Spinel stands incredibly still and lifelessly for him, however. It takes him a while to notice as he cuddles with her, but he finally does— and as he looks up at her— she’s completely frozen in place— perfectly obeying his command to stand still.

Huh? 

Steven tries to tug at her, force her to move— but she remains perfectly still.Steven looks down at his hands and notices he’s still pink again... he’s still Pink Diamond.

It seems that every command he makes to one of his subjects as a Diamond becomes permanent, much like his mother’s power to control others. 

What a horrible, yet powerful, ability. And as he absorbs his Diamond powers, it’ll soon become permanent,  he fears.

Steven looks up at her— as she was  crying, whimpering as he forced her to obey her. It was happening all over again, like she feared.

Poor Spinel... so traumatized as she’s reminded of how her Diamond commanded her to stay in the garden for 6,000 years with a single boop in the nose. 

Steven blinks rapidly at the realization that events were repeating themselves and lets go of Spinel— “What... what the hell am I doing?” he scoffs, shaking his head. 

He stares at her directly in the eye and sighs with disappointment. 

He had never seen her so unhappy before. 

She was unhappy— because of him. 

And he was suddenly unhappy too— and he pieces together why.

“You’re not my Happily Ever After,” he says.

Now that Steven and Spinel were together... and here they were in the future... he realized they were so, so wrong. Everything had fallen apart. 

The Diamonds had reverted back to their dictatorial selves, set on colonizing and sucking the life out of the Earth again— Pearl had returned to her manipulative ways, controlling Steven in belief that she’d be pleasing his mother through her tactics again— Steven won’t be with Connie anymore, meaning he won’t have children or a normal life on Earth like he’s always wanted— Steven’s likely gonna become the prince again, forcing him to a life of sadness and loneliness away from his beautiful Earth— Steven will have another colony— Spinel will locked up again, and would likely be forced to be a jester again... 

It’s as if they’re forced to live in a doomed timeline now, if they end up together... with no way out.

Maybe Spinel wasn’t the lucky rabbit after all— as she was forced to ruin the storybook ending, causing the worst possible fairytale to be played out.

No matter what, if Steven and Spinel end up together, the consequences would be disastrous. 

After all, she is reuniting with her Diamond again, 6,000 years later— causing the storybook to reset— and now Steven has to relive his mother’s life. Becoming a Prince, being manipulated and controlled by the Diamonds, a Pearl by his side, a colony— the possibility of another war. This was the story of her life— now his life— and he was repeating it because his reunion with her Spinel triggered it— as Pink leaving Spinel had triggered everything the first time.

No. 

He can’t let this happen. 

No matter how much he loves Spinel— he can’t do this. He can’t sacrifice his planet, his happiness, his future, solely to love Spinel. 

Maybe this was all a sign— a very dangerous, loud sign— that Spinel simply isn’t his someone. Maybe he’s meant to be with Connie— maybe he is able to have kids someday— maybe she’ll treat him better and want him around, after all. 

Maybe if he commits to Connie as normal, and ignores Spinel this time, they won’t feel prompted to seperate them and find inspiration to create the hybrids or recolonize Earth.

Maybe this was his Happily Ever After— not Spinel. 

Steven grunts as he finally has the strength to lift himself up the ground, and he walks back inside, abandoning the frozen Spinel as he looks at the clock. 

It was five in the morning— the ball ended around midnight. 

Steven shuts his eyes as he knows exactly what to do— he has to rewind time completely, starting from the beginning, right before the ball— and he has to repeat that terrible, terrible night all over again.

_ Here we are in the future, and it’s wrong. _

Steven once again raises his hand like before, and rotates his finger counter-clockwise, rewinding time. 

_ He can make a promise...  _

_ He can make a plan... _

He notices Spinel stand up and walk backwards, retracing her steps as if Steven was never there— instead, he stood there and watched her, as she went through her day, unable to see him as he’s in tact, controlling the strings as the puppet-master. 

Or the storyteller rewriting the tale. 

Instead, she had simply fallen asleep for the rest of the night. As she slept, the pebbles undid her dress, releasing the fabric scraps to the floor. He sees that Spinel had been awake, crying into the bed. 

He gets depressed looking at her— wishing he could unpause time to comfort, but he has to go through with this, no matter how difficult it is. 

_ He can take a stand.  _

_ He can make an effort. _

_ If he only understands... _

_ that he... he can make a change. _

Steven keeps rewinding time until he reaches midnight. There, the Pearls enter, walking backwards, and Steven flinches as he watches them redo their abuse towards her backwards, as they had pushed her to the ground, destroyed her dress, fought her, and electrocuted her. They leave walking, backwards, and so does Spinel after opening the unlocked door, and she’s out into the hallway— and back to the ball. 

He can’t bear to let her go through that horrible experience— all because they shared a dance together in front of them, ruining the chance of their possibility of their happily ever after with their human princes. 

See? No matter what, as long as Spinel is in his arms, things will always go wrong because of their erratic, unpredictable relationship.

_ He can make a difference!  _

_ He can make it right.  _

_ They don’t have to fight!  _

He sighs as he keeps going, and continues rewinding— watching the pebbles play with eachother and explore his room in reverse— and then he finally makes it to the beginning to the ball, at 6pm.

**_ Starting with tonight!  _ **

  
_'Cause he..._  
_He can make a change!_

Now, Steven had to start the night all over again— and replay his birthday.

Happy Birthday, Pink Diamond. 

And happy birthday to Spinel too, of course— but since she couldn’t show her face to the Diamonds— and Steven wasn’t there to talk to her at home and make it a masquerade party and do her makeup in this timeline, she never went. 

Like she said before with her situation with Pink— it’s as if she never went to the ball at all. 

And it’s just as Steven wished— as he wished he could pretend this ball never happened. 

Steven sighs as he finally lowers his hand, unpausing time, panting after using so much of his powers at once. 

Steven takes a moment to look down the balcony— he sees the elites arrive and walk through the garden, just in time for the party.

His plan worked. 

And now he had to soon make his way to the ballroom, too. 

Steven groans as he walks to the wall and plants his palm on it— mechanically opening the door to his mother’s private lounge. Some pebbles follow him, helping him prepare for the ball once agIn. 

He walks through the path, and enters his bathroom— specifically built for him and his human necessities for when he visited the Diamonds.

The pebbles hop on and draw his bath— filling it with hot, relaxing water that could ease his tense muscles after fighting so much today. 

He takes off his clothes and dips in— laying in the bathtub, washing himself as the steam clears his pores, refreshing himself. While bathing, he thinks of Spinel and their future.

He really hopes he made the right choice. 

He concludes his bath, and the pebbles, propelled by strings they made to help serve him, wrap a towel around him. He walks towards the sink and opens his mouth— and the pebbles with his toothbrush wash his teeth for him— just for him to spit it out and rinse.

He then puts his clothes back on, and he makes his way to the vanity. Along the way, the pebbles spray cologne on him— he raises his arms so they can put on deodorant, and he finally sits down, looking at himself in the mirror. 

He observes his eyebags— and they’re deeper than ever. He groans.

He’s exhausted. 

But he knows this will be worth it as long as he, Spinel, and the Earth was saved from the Diamond’s selfish cruelty and tyranny over the galaxy. 

The pebbles helped him apply his makeup— he himself dabbing concealing on his undereyes— as they blush his face pink. 

He then grabs a hairbrush and begins brushing his disheveled hair— blushing at the memory of him in bed with Spinel as he remembers her massaging his head, playing with his hair . 

Her breasts against his chest... her soft lips against his cheek, her arms wrapped around his neck... her soft moans as he comes inside her... 

Steven suddenly gets an erection, and he winces as he notices it.

Shit. 

He shuts his eyes at the realization that he was still madly, madly in love with Spinel. 

What about Connie? What about his plan? If he still loved Spinel so much— he wasn’t gonna be able to stay with Connie and prevent Pearl from taking over! 

And Pearl— their relationship would never be the same again after this. It was Spinel who triggered her back to who she was, as Spinel’s responsible for resetting the story. 

After brushing his hair, the pebbles put hairspray on his hair and puff up his rosy hair. They all get off on him and give him space— except for one. 

Steven taps his fingers anxiously on the vanity table, trying to come up with a solution. He looks at his eyes and notices that he has diamond-like pupils again... 

Seems he’s still Pink Diamond right now after all.

Suddenly, he notices a pebble nuzzling against him, much to his annoyance. He knows this one— Gus-Gus— she was super clingy and never obeyed him, always causing problems and making a mess.

“Pebble, get off,” he says impatiently.

And the pebble instantly hops off of him.

She— she obeyed his command instantly. She never does that. 

The pebble starts to walk off the table— but Steven commands her to stop. “Pebble, freeze.” 

And so she does. Quite literally, as she doesn’t even blink or breathe. 

Huh?

“Unfreeze.”

And so she does. 

“Turn around.”

She quickly obeys. Steven flinches as he can’t believe this is working.

“Uh... pat your head and rub your tummy?” 

And she does— the other pebbles notice, laughing at her as they watch her ridicule herself for him by force. 

They’re playing Simon Says— or Steven says— together. Steven gives her one last command— repeating his name to confirm his powers actually work.

“Steven says... stop?”

But she keeps going, making the pebbles laugh at her louder. 

Hey, why didn’t it work? He said his name! 

_His_ name. 

Steven groans as he now knows the way to make it work— he realized he wasn’t Steven anymore today, he was now Pink Diamond to them, especially after putting on his suit and glowing pink so brightly again in front of them like that. 

He takes a deep breath. 

And says _her_ name. 

“Pink Diamond commands you to stop.” 

And she quickly does— the pebble ooh and ahh in amazement at his new power.

It seems that as long as he was in his Diamond form, everyone obeyed every single one of his commands. 

Steven leans his elbows against the vanity and cups his cheeks, thinking of a way to forget his night with Pearl— his amazing, incredibly romantic and sexual night with Spinel— the night he officially fell in love with her—a night he thought he’d never, ever forget. 

Th-That’s it. 

He has to forget the ball— the first one— had ever happened. That’s the only way he can fix everything— change the future, successfully reverse the timeline— he had to forget his night with Spinel.

Steven thinks of the Diamonds— how they had all reversed their destructive powers. He thinks of how they could even use them on themselves— specifically White, who used to be able to possess others, but was now able to be possessed by others herself. 

Steven looks down at his palms. 

Maybe... maybe he has this ability, too? 

Steven flinches as he realizes that might actually be possible— as he’s a Diamond after all. He also groans at the fact that that he’ll forget about his wonderful night with Spinel— holding her hand, winking at her, playing his guitar for her, dancing with her, kissing her, sleeping with her, loving her... all of that would be forgotten, as if the ball truly had never happened at all. 

Steven’s hands start shaking as he slowly brings them to his face. The pebbles murmur to eachother in confusion, worried about him. 

He has to make a change. 

Steven cups his hands to his face and covers his eyes— his eyes that saw and experienced the entire ball. The eyes that recorded the entire memory of that night. 

Steven’s vision is completely omited as he sees nothing but pitch black. 

Much like the prince in Rapunzel’s story, Steven, too, was now blind. 

_ You have to do this Steven. You cannot be in love with Spinel. You have to be with Connie, now— everything’s going wrong now that you’re with Spinel!_

Connie was the correct future— the right timeline. Everything was going great until he abandoned her for Spinel, he realized.

He has to forget he ever fell in love with Spinel... 

** Starting with tonight.**

Isn’t that cruel?

_ Happily ever after, here we are.  _

Steven counts to three and officially closes his eyes, submitting to his own commands. In a one, a two, a three... 

_And as my last order to you as a Diamond_ , he says in his mind...

“I order you to forget.” 

[ＥＮＤ ＯＦ ＡＲＣ Ｉ.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND WERE DONE WITH ARC I!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!! IT TOOK ME 12 CHAPTERS TO WRITE THE BALL.
> 
> thats why in Familiar steven was like wHy Is tHiS So FaMiLiAr when spinel pushed himself onto him bc heartspade had already pushed themselves onto him and forced him 2 have sex w them but he Forgot bc he Wiped His Memories........ bruh moment
> 
> ALSOOOOO steven covers his eyes, “blinding” himself just like rapunzels prince turned blind in the story. my brain is HUGE
> 
> 135k words.  
> 47 chapters.  
> 347 comments.  
> 120 kudos.  
> 4,300 hits.  
> 4th place in terms of word count for the Stevinel ship.  
> OFFICIALLY ONE MONTH of writing. 
> 
> ❗ Questionnaire: ❗  
> Since we reached a HUGE checkpoint I thought I’d make up a questionnaire out of curiosity. You don’t have to answer all of them, whatever you like. 
> 
> 1\. How did you find the fic? (AO3 Search, Social Media, recommended by a friend, etc.)  
> 2\. What chapter or scene did you reach when you caught up?  
> 3\. What’s your favorite chapter so far? And WHY?  
> 4\. What’s your favorite scene/moment?  
> 5\. Based on how I’ve written them so far, who do you like more: Steven or Spinel? Why?  
> 6\. Which Spinel alter is your favorite: Clover, Spade or Heart? Why?  
> 7\. Which is your favorite Steven ship? Steven/Clover, Steven/Spade, or Steven/Heart? Why?  
> 8\. If you want to answer— favorite smut or kissing scene?  
> 9\. Do you prefer Stevinel in a “romantic,” “platonic,” “violent,” “fatherly/daughterly,” “hateful” or “love-hateful” relationship? Why?  
> 10\. Which flashback is your favorite? They start after the “Fool” Chapter.  
> 11\. The Ball has 12 chapters— which chapter or scene is your fave outta all of them?  
> 12\. What’s your favorite fairytale, in relation to Stevinel? Cinderella, Rapunzel, Beauty and the Beast, or Sleeping Beauty?  
> 13\. Favorite song/musical scene in the fic so far?  
> Can be a SU song or Disney song I wrote in.  
> 14\. Which scene incited the most emotions for you? Made you really sad, or mad, or happy, (maybe even aroused 😳) etc.  
> 15\. Fav genre/theme of the fic? Angst, Fluff, Violence, Romance, Friendship, Drama, Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Family, etc.  
> 16\. Bonus: leave your guess on how many words and chapters this fics gonna reach by the end. I’m curious. xD
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU ANSWER THE SURVEY. OKAY BYE I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! THANKS AS ALWAYS FOR YOUR COMMENTS AND SUPPORT. :’)) 
> 
> ♠️♥️♠️♥️♠️♥️♠️♥️♠️♥️♠️♥️♠️♥️♠️
> 
> ❗ OFFICIAL CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER ❗  
> • Fool (Ch. 28) - (Epilogue)  
> • The Arrival (Ch. 2)  
> (Spinel appears)  
> • Chapters 3-8  
> (Spinel adjusts to Beach City, friendship with Steven blooms)  
> • Chapters 30-47 - includes flashbacks/ball. Arc I, Cinderella/Rapunzel, ends here.  
> • Chapters 9-27 + 29, spade/heart arc.  
> • Chapters 47+ and forward - more flashbacks lol
> 
> BASICALLY: The flashbacks happen before “Shut Up” but are right before “Unrequited/Happily Ever After” aka Spinel’s confession. 
> 
> So the order is:  
> > And you remind me so much of her  
> > Starting With Tonight  
> > Shut Up  
> > Unrequited


	48. Homeworldbound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The elites host a concert for the Diamonds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok fully proofread  
> this is a flashback, takes place before spinel leaves homeworld to live w/ steven

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖.

“Take five, girls. Enjoy your break.” 

Spinel found herself in the main room of the palace, stretching after her morning rehearsal. 

Knowing that balls were done more regularly now now that Homeworld’s colonial regime had ended, the elites would typically put on all kinds of performances— such as plays, concerts, and dances for the Diamonds to enjoy. 

Now that the war was over and Homeworld was rebuilding itself to usher in a new era, the Diamonds were eager to introduce more music, art, and entertainment for gems to enjoy— and as the only Spinel left, Spinel was a part of this process, hosting auditions and participating in various performances. 

This was originally her job, after all. 

Even though Steven had told her about Little Homeworld— a mecca for lost and confused Gems to reinvent themselves, Spinel was fairly satisfied with who she was before. 

She loved to make others smile and laugh— she loved to perform and to express herself— and she loved to admire and appreciate the arts of all kinds. And thankfully, Spinel returned to Homeworld from her slumber at the perfect time, just when Steven had established peace upon the galaxy, allowing the Diamonds to liberate their colonies, disband their armies, and begin their own little artistic Renaissance.

Oh, how happy Spinel was to be Homeworldbound. 

So not only did Spinel have Steven to thank for breaking her curse, she also had to thank him for allowing her to return to Homeworld safely and fulfillingly— surrounded by what she loves.

That’s something she and Steven had in common, she noticed. They both loved the spotlight and loved to perform— they were natural-born singers and musicians, or even acrobats and dancers, respectively. 

There was going to be a gathering tonight— not as big as ball, of course— but considering that the arts were making a revival on the planet, the elites decided to host a concert for the planet via international television,  projecting the best performances to the galaxy. 

And Steven Universe, the prince of Homeworld and the heir to Pink Diamond’s throne, was going to be there. 

After Spinel had returned to Homeworld, Steven had regularly visited the Diamonds at their insistence— that they missed him so much, that they wanted to spend more time with him, that they reminded them so much of her... you know, the usual. 

Spinel even questions if she belongs in the palace in the first place. She was brought there to fill the void Pink left behind, but since Steven came sometimes she wondered if that’s what she was even doing in the first place— as it was his presence that truly comforted and satisfied them, and successfully filled that void.

They want Steven, not her. 

And who would want her anyway? She’s clearly defective— with her horrible scars and all. 

Sure, initially the Diamonds found Spinel adorable— she wishes Steven found her cute, too, but— but after growing into the palace they gradually lost interest in her, hoping that Steven would come back and live with them instead.

That’s when Spinel was forced to wear Pink’s romper for them— but at the time this was only done privately between them, as admittedly it was a bit fanatical and obsessive. 

This would be Spinel’s life at the palace for the rest of the year— completely Homeworldbound— until she found it in her to finally leave the planet and live with Steven on Earth after facing the Diamond’s neglect and mistreatment. 

She’ll love again. 

She just needed to find him, somehow.

A dance teacher at the palace— one who personally tutored the Diamonds on dance— was choreographing her performance alongside other gems. Aside from her own performance, which Spinel had prepared, she was meant to perform in front of the Diamonds as well. 

It was Spinel’s time to shine! Nobody was going to steal her spotlight! 

Suddenly, the ballroom goes quiet— gems shushing eachother as they instantly began to bow down.  Huh? What’s going on? 

Until _he_ arrived.

Spinel turned around only to see him— Steven Universe— or should she say Pink Diamond, the Prince of Homeworld and the youngest member of the Great Diamond Authority. 

Spinel stood still, gaping in shock as he was wearing his own rendition of Pink Diamond’s entire— likely adapted for him to diversify his wardrobe, since he was human, after all. 

He... looked incredibly handsome. Spinel is standing, looking at him in shock as he coolly strides the concert hall. 

Suddenly, someone shoves Spinel, prompting her to bow down. 

She... really wasn’t used to this whole royal Steven thing. Spinel had always seen him as a powerless loser— a dork— but here she was, left speechless because of his presence in the room, promptly bowing down to him as he walked down the aisle to meet the Diamonds. 

He has two ruby guards behind him— and he insists that they’re not necessary— but considering that Steven’s a gem-hybrid, a Diamond, and an absolute rarity on Homeworld, he was liable for kidnapping. Even after abdicating, he was still a pawn in Homeworld’s weakened regime. 

Not to mention, despite liberating Homeworld from the Diamond’s dictatorial rule, there were still rebellions— still protests— still problems for Steven and the Diamonds to confront, despite everything. Security at the palace was at a total high after Pink  
Diamond had returned from Earth. 

Gems who were impacted most by the dictatorship and the war were furious at him— furious at Pink— for abandoning them. For not allowing them to join them in her garden of Eden, where they could be free— but instead they were left behind to suffee and rot as slaves. They also criticized Steven, demanding that a full-blooded Gem be their ruler, not a disgusting hybrid— in their eyes. 

Spinel didn’t really understand why he was so hated— nor did she even realize it. After all, he was beloved by everyone in the palace... but then again, life on Homeworld is very, very different from life inside the palace— but Steven doesn’t know that yet. He thinks everything’s okay, but in actuality the Diamonds are hiding so much from him, in attempts to reel him into the palace to live with them. 

Spinel’s incredibly fortunate to have been raised there all her life— surrounded by servants, enjoying expensive and grand balls, and living in the lap of luxury as the jester of the Diamonds. 

She herself had no idea what was behind those walls, either. 

As Steven passes by— he rubs the back of his head awkwardly at the sight of literally every elite in the room bowing down to him. “Hey, guys— you guys don’t have to do that! I’m not Pink Diamond— I’m just Steven, hah,” he says as he raises his hands down and up, urging them to stand up. 

But they don’t listen... — they want to pay him their respects— for saving the galaxy and changing life at Homeworld for the better. But Steven didn’t let his new title as the gem savior affect him: he still treated everyone just the same, just as he did on Earth. And his subjects loved and worshipped him even more for that, to his avail. 

What a humble guy. 

Spinel herself was bowing down— staring at the floor, as gems weren’t meant to look directly at their lustrous Diamonds— for they were too graceful and powerful to be scrutinized or criticized by their subjects. 

Suddenly, the gems around Spinel  murmur as Spinel hears footsteps approach her— and she sees a very familiar pair of white slippers stand right in front of her.

“Hi, Spinel!”

Everyone gasps. 

Huh? Who said that? 

Spinel looks up from the floor and sees Steven Universe hovering above her waving his hand. Spinel instantly begins stammering as she did not expect this— “Ah, um, uh— uh, hey! Universe!” The elites look at her, after hearing her nickname for their Diamond and gasp. 

Spinel notices the awkward silence. “I mean, uh, my D-Diamond!” she corrects herself, bringing her hands into the Diamond insignia for him. 

Spinel stares up at Steven Universe.

He... remembered her? 

After all— he never called, he never wrote... he was always so busy all the time, running Homeworld and all and rebuilding the destroyed Beach City— the one she was responsible for destroying. 

Spinel apologized multiple times— insisting to help them clean and fix everything— but the Diamonds wanted her in the palace by their side. 

Now that Era 3 was beginning and Yellow Diamond was so busy dismantling her armies and liberating her colonies— Blue Diamond adjusting her formerly corrupt judicial and punishment system— and White Diamond rebuilding the weakened planet— they needed their entertainer at all times to help them relax, distracting them from all their piling responsibilities that were to come, even for merely a fleeting moment. 

Not to mention, they couldn’t have their beloved “princess” return to that nowhere planet and lose her. They had learned from their mistake the first— and second, as Steven left them too— time it happened. 

But that’s okay. Spinel liked her job. She liked bringing people joy— and with this new encounter, she hoped to bring joy to her Diamond, too. 

Steven smiles warmly at her as she stands up— making her flush— and then takes her hands and unwraps the Diamond insignia she formed. 

“That won’t be necessary, Spinel,” he tells her— all the elites gasp in shock. What made _her_ so special that she doesn’t have to bow and salute him?!

Spinel clears her throat, embarassed to be scrutinized by so many people this way. Embarrassed to be in front of him this way.

“So uh... what’re ya doin’ here? Visiting lame ol’ Homeworld!” she says. “Ain’t cha busy runnin’ that lil’ uh... Homeschool?” she asks, trying to figure out why he hasn’t been responding to her letters as much anymore. 

Steven taps his fingers together anxiously. “Oh, uh... I’m actually kind of planning to quit little Homeschool and leave it all to the gems by the end of the semester... I’ll still stop by and help and teach, but—! There’s a huge weight off my shoulders now.”

So why has he not written to her? 

“Oh. Well I’m sawry, I didn’t know. Then... hopefully you can make time ta’ visit the palace and hang out with me— and, and the Diamonds, a’ course—“ she covers for herself, trying not to seem desperate— “a lil’ moar,” she chuckles awkwardly. 

“Oh, uh. Sure! Of course we can hang out. I... promised you I’d be a better friend, now, especially after uh, everything.”

“Pffff, yeah. Maybe we can do somethin’ fun— like uh, um— I try ta’ kill you again and um, uh— wiped ya friends memories and leave you ta’ die in a barren world again or somethin’ and I laugh at cha’ ha!” she starts shaking, now that more gems were staring at them together. “Or— or maybe we can play that game again, where I’m abandoned in a garden for thousands a years! Isn’t that funny!” she flinches as she says that— oh my god, why did she say that!!! She literally has no concept of fun outside of tormenting people, honestly. And she has developed a REALLY bad habit about joking about her trauma— much like Steven does, honestly. 

“Um...” he grows visibly uncomfortable. “Maybe we can just play video games instead?” he taps his gloved fingers. 

Spinel raises her hands up as that’s a much better idea— relieved. “Oh, perfect! That’s so much betta. It’s a date.” 

Spinel stammers— “as in, uh, referrin’ ta’ the date of the day ya come back here, hah, of course. N-Not like a date, date, or anythin’.”

Steven seems unbothered, knowing what she meant. “Are you gonna be participating in the concert too?” he says as he walks with her, observing the gems set up the stage and put up some chairs. 

“Oh, yeah. I’m gonna dance wit’ some gems and then I’ll have my own lil’ performance.”

“Really? What are you gonna do?” 

“You know... the usual. Juggle. Acrobatics. Balance on a ball if I have time maybe. Stand on my hand. Do some fancy flips, maybe. Just uh... clownin’ around!” she replies. 

Spinel... can’t help but notice that Steven looks disappointed at the sound of that. He looks down as they keep walking now.

“...You don’t like it?” she asks, sad. 

“Not,” he sighs, “Not really, to be honest.” He starts to tense up. “I-I thought that since I freed you, freed everyone— that everyone was free to make their own choices now. Reinvent themselves— find a new passion, or job, or skill different than their own. The one they were programmed to do. But it seems everyone’s just back to...”

“The usual,” she finishes— as she regularly finishes his sentences. 

“Yeah. I’m sorry— acrobatics are really cool and all and I’m sure it’ll be amazing it’s just... I wanted to see you do something else, outside of your sole purpose as a gem, you know? Try something new.” 

She nods as she understands. “Yeah, I get cha. But it’s hard ta’ outgrow somethin’ you were made for— ‘specially after doin’ it for so long. Oh, oh, maybe I can just stand in the same spot for ‘em— not for six thousand years— though I totally can— but just enough time ta’ make it funny!” she laughs awkwardly— oh my gosh, why is she like this! 

Steven sees how she’s quietly suffering— and as an empath, he can feel her pain and quietly wince in reaction to it. 

“Spinel...”

She looks down, ashamed. She always says the wrong things. Especially in front of him. 

“Spinel... are you okay? You know I’m here for you,” he says as he reaches out to her hand and holds it, but she swiftly lets go. Her face starts to tense up and she raises her voice. “No— no you ain’t, Universe! You were nevah’ here for me— you barely evah’ call or write— you never visit me personally — you just left me here ta’ ROT, exactly like she did!” she says as she shoves him, getting aggressive. 

“Spinel— Spinel—“ Steven whispers, raising his hands to calm her down, as the entire ballroom goes quiet. 

Spinel’s face softens when she sees that everyone’s staring at them— staring at her, for attacking their beloved Diamond.

She’s fucked. 

A trio of Ruby guards approach them and try to grab her, pulling their arms— Steven intervenes: “H-Hey, hey, Rubies! That’s not necessary, she’s my friend— c-come on—“ he says as he pushes them off. 

“No can do. We have strict orders from the Diamonds that if anyone lays a finger on you, they be rejuvinated.” 

Rejuvinated?! “Oh, this one’s a real wild card, isn’t she.”

Steven starts to tense up— furious that they won’t listen to them— so he just stomps his foot down as he turns pink— “NO!!” 

He shouts so loud that he creates a dent on the floor, and so strongly that the Rubies are blown away from Spinel. 

The Ruby guards quickly compose themselves and salute them. 

“Understood, sir.” 

Then they walk back to their original positions.

Steven rolls his eyes and takes Spinel by the hand, lifting her up gently. 

Spinel starts to tear up... she doesn’t understand. She literally just pushed him— insulted him— embarassed him in public, in his own palace— yet he was still as kind to her as ever. 

Spinel lets go of his arm and runs away, upset and confused. 

“Spinel! Spinel— wait!” he groans, and rushes after her. Spinel’s dancemates look at her from the distance in confusion, and get back to their rehearsal without her. 

Spinel dashes as fast as she can, to the point that her legs are so blurred they become barely visible— but Steven runs after her anyway, turning himself Pink so he has the stamina to catch up. “Spinel! Spinel!” 

“Leave me alone, Univ’rse! You were doin’ a great job at it anyway!” she cries— and runs into her room. 

Steven catches her as she enters his mother’s room. His room. Her room. Their... room? He gets flustered at the thought of sleeping in the same bed as Spinel. He slows down until he reaches the door, only to have Spinelharshly slam it in his face, quite rudely. 

He rolls his eyes and knocks loudly on the door. “Spinel, open up.” Spinel is seen on the floor, bending her knees against the door. She shakes her head— “No! Go away. Just forget ‘bout me...” 

“Spinel... please,” he mutters as he drags his hands down the door. “We can talk things out— we can make this right. Open the door, please.” 

The pebbles all crowd around Spinel, comforting her. Spinel buries her head in her lap.

Steven finally speaks.

“Did... I really abandon you?” he asks, looking down. 

“Like she did?” he pants behind the door, leaning the side of his head against it. 

There’s a silence, and Steven hears shuffling behind the door.

Spinel nods. “Yeah.” Steven flinches. 

“Ya— I mean— you did.”

Steven turns his back on the door and he himself slides down on it, sighing. 

“I’m...sorry.” 

They both lean against the door in silence. 

“You never even visited me.” 

“I didn’t know you wanted me to visit you...”

Spinel whimpers quietly. “I thought you hated me, Spinel.”

“I don’t...” she sniffs. “Not an’more. But it looks like you hate me now.”

“That’s not true.”

“Then why didn’t cha come see me?!” she says as she tenses up. “Am-Am I that irrelevant ta’ ya?!?!” she says as she slams the door with a fist behind her— Steven leans harder against the door to stabilize it. He looks down at the floor with his cheek pressed against it again.

“It’s not you, Spinel, it really isn’t.”

“You’re just sayin’ that so you don’t upset me. So I don’t get triggered and go berserk on ya again.” 

“No, no— that’s not it at all.”

“Wh-What am I to ya, huh? Was I just another enemy gem ta’ entertain you after savin’ the world? To relieve you of your boredom? Give you a new project, savior of the galaxy?!?!” she starts panting.

“Spinel...”

“Is that all you needed me for?” she whimpers. “Just for you to abandon me once I served my purpose?” she says— referring to her relationship with Pink Diamond. 

Steven places his palm on the door.

“...I’m sorry, Spinel, but I just... I just really hate Homeworld.” Oh, how similar he sounds to his mother right now. 

“And you hate me too, right? Don’t lie. Ever since I reset, you’ve wanted me gone for good.” She grits her teeth. “I-I bet it was you, wasn’t it.”

“Me?” 

“You— you’re the one who called the fuckin’ Diamonds, didn’t cha!” she scratches at the door, staring at it. 

“What?! No!”

“And you expect me ta’ believe THAT?! It can’t be a coincidence that they just SUDDENLY showed up right after I tried ta’ kill you! You— you wanted them to stop me— you wanted them to take me away!”

“No, no—“ 

“So— so— so they could lock me back up in the garden, isn’t it! They’re the ones who made it— they know exactly where it is— you just wanted ta’ get rid a’ me, admit it! So you called ‘em ta’ help!”

“Spinel, of course not, don’t say that—“ Steven’s starting to grow impatient with her. 

“Of course you would— who would ever want me like this anyway!” she starts tugging at her pigtails violently, groaning and sobbing. “I’m not good at all! I’m never gonna be good enough for ya, just like I never was fo’ Pink!” 

“Spinel? Spinel— don’t hurt yourself!” 

Spinel tugs harder, whining. “You like hearing me in pain, I know it. You like seein’ me suffer, don’t you!”

“That’s not the truth—“ he stands up and bumps against the door— Spinel then digs her nails into her wrist, scratching herself. She cries as she starts bleeding into her skin. “I’m coming in.”

“No— don’t you dare!” she stands up, and kicks the door before she runs away, startling the pebbles. She aggressively slams her palm on the wall repeatedly trying to open Pink’s secret room. “C’mon, c’mon!”

Steven starts slamming his shoulder against the room repeatedly— one, two, three, four, five, six, seven times until he finally opens it— and lands on one knee and one palm placed on the floor. He stands up, looking at Spinel, who turns around. She’s covered in black tears which stain her face, and she gasps as he marches towards her.

“F-Fuck, fuck! Go away, Steven!” she keeps slamming it— but it won’t open! Seems the room doesn’t want her to escape— it’s Steven’s quarters, after all.

Steven catches up to her and turns her around— gripping her arms— and she tries to kick him off but he’s too strong. She screams as she struggles to set herself free— she’s hyperventilating, having a panic attack— and Steven grips her wrists and holds them together, so she wraps around herself. At first she protests, but after a few seconds of being held like this— him forcing her to enclose herself as if she were in a hug— she actually... starts to calm down? 

Spinel starts panting, confused— she stops crying— and suddenly, Steven starts massaging her wrists with his thumbs. “H-Huh?” He then gently pulls her down so they can kneel on the floor together. He quickens the pace, and she can’t help but moan in relief as it completely relaxes her. She says in another whimper— “M... m... w-what are you doing?” 

But he ignores her, far too focused on her wrists. He continues encircling them multiple times, and then starts massaging her hands, going in between her fingers until he hears her bones crack. He goes at this until she’s completely calm, quietly looking up at him, panting softly. He places her hands on her lap. 

“What... was that?”

“Uh, a massage?” he says as he rubs her hand with his thumb delicately. “Garnet taught me.”

“A... massage?”

“Yeah! Garnet teaches yoga and physical therapy at the Homeschool, and I picked it up from her. It’s a way to relieve stress and release tension— right now I just made you hold yourself tight to comfort yourself, as if you were wrapped in a blanket like an infant, and then I rub into your most tense spots, completely relaxing you.”

Spinel presses her lips together, taken aback. With just a simple massage, he managed to completely wash away her anxiety in an instant. He... really was a healer, wasn’t he. 

“M’........ m’m... t-thank... you,” she squeaks, holding her breath. Steven then glides his hands up and down her arms, pressing onto it as he gives her another massage. He uses deep strokes and puts pressure on specific parts of her arms— she immediately chokes up at first and whines, still holding her breath at the sensation— until she finally exhales deeply in pleasure, fluttering her eyes closed to focus on the massage. “Mm.. hm.” 

Spinel feels a weight lifted up off hershoulders, and her chest feels light now as he continues kneading at her skin. Spinel leans closer to him, and he inches his hands up her shoulders, rubbing into them for another massage. She gasps, and he goes deeper and deeper, and she loudly exhales. “Hm... mhh...!” 

As he goes slower, she officially gives in and leans against his chest sighing even more, breathing under his neck, fanning it. 

“Spinel...”

“Mm... hm?” she says as her eyes are closed. 

“This is never not weird, but... can you, uh, take off your shirt for a few minutes for me?”

“Wh-a-a-a-a-a?!?!” she gasps, opening her eyes. 

“I-I won’t look at your chest, I promise— you can just lean against mine so I can finish for you,” he says this a bit unfazed, knowing he’s massaged multiple gems before. “You’ll love it, I swear— I’ve practiced it a bunch of times.”

“Mm...” Spinel hesitates, but she was enjoying that so much... “Mn... okaaay... but close your eyes.” 

He quickly does so, and she lifts the bottom of her shirt up her head, taking off her blouse. “Um... okay,” she says as she wraps her hands around her chest, covering it. 

With his eyes closed, Steven grips her by the waist and pulls her back to him, making her press against his chest and lean her head on his shoulder. “Just wrap your arms around me...” he says as he slides down her arms and pulls them upto his shoulders, so she wraps them behind his neck. He then puts his arms under her underarms and grazes them, sliding them up her back as she sighs. 

He begins his final massage, as he kneads into her back now, grinding against her shoulder blades, rubbing up and down on it aggressively— her breath hikes up sharply, as she’s on his shoulder— breathing on his neck— she can smell his cologne. She can’t help but take a quiet whiff— and it sends shockwaves through her body. 

She quivers at his touch as he then presses down on neck and nape, and she wraps around him, eyes shut. She grunts into his ear aggressively, only to sigh as he calms down... “Steven...” she impulsively groans, catching Steven by surprise. Why is she moaning his name in his ears? Oh my stars. 

Nevertheless, he clears his throat and continues— he rubs his thumbs widely around her back a few times, and then one last time, until he seperates himself from her, closing his eyes. 

“Okay, you can put your blouse back on now,” he says, looking down patiently. 

Spinel nods, and slides it back down her stomach— she buries the bottom of them into her shorts and floofs them, making her appear youthful and feminine. “M’kay...”

Steven opens his eyes and smiles widely. “So... did I do good? Did you like it?” 

Spinel smiles shyly and nods. “Very much so, my Diamond.”

Steven looks down at her hands and holds them. “It’s... just Steven. Call me Steven.”

“Okay.”

“Garnet’s been teaching me all sorts of methods of relaxation... since running the school stresses me out so much, she usually massages me at the end of the day and I learned that way. It’s... really, really helpful,” he admits, biting his lip and gazing to the side. Spinel blushes as his cheeks protrude as he cracks a smile... and he looks so, so adorable— especially with his fuzzy furrowed brows. 

Steven looks across to her and Spinel clears her throat as she’s been caught staring. “T-Thank you.”

“No problem, Spinel,” he then grunts as he lifts himself up and extends his hand to her so she can stand up. 

Steven then gestures for her to come with him to the balcony and walks  forward, Spinel staring at his broad shoulders.

Why... is he still so gentle with her? She had just pushed him, humiliated him in public, locked him out of his own room... yet why is he still so patient with her? 

Steven leans across the railing to look down at Homeworld, admiring all the futuristic skyscrapers in the distance. 

Dusk was nearing, and they can both see elites entering, arriving to the concert. 

“That... was really nice,” she mumbles quietly, standing beside him under the stars. 

“Hah, thanks... Ever since the war ended and I have way more free time, I’ve been getting in touch with my healing side. I’ve been curing cracked and corrupt gems, been learning massage techniques— I’ve even picked up a bit of herbology, starting my own indoor garden—“ Spinel winces for a second at the word, “learning what leaves and flowers are best for healing and relaxation and such. Cool, right?”

Spinel nods. “Mhm.”

He... really was amazing, wasn’t he. Even when he saved the galaxy, and earned so much power and glory, he still made time for helping others below him and learning new skills. 

He really was never done changing. 

Spinel thinks to all the horrible things she did to him today and looks up at him. She lifts herself up to her tippy toes— and pecks him on the cheek. 

Steven softly gasps and cups his face. Spinel is below him, shyly twisting her foot side to side as she looks down.

“I’m—” she blurts out—

“I know you are, Spinel,” he cuts— and she flinches for a moment, but apologizes fully to him anyway.

“I’m sawry.” 

Steven looks at her and smiles. She looks back down at the courtyard.

“I... keep messin’ up bad wit’ chah. Real bad.”

“No you’re not, Spinel...”

“B-But it’s true! You’re always so nice ta’ me, for no reason, yet I always blow up in your face ev’ry time! And I don’t know why!”

“Hey...”

She doesn’t hear him. “I’m supposed ta’ be a friend— I told you I just wanted ta’ be a friend— but I’m not good at all! I’m such a bad friend!” she raises her voice, freaking out. 

He holds her hand and looks up at her. “...Remember that I’m supposed to be a friend too, Spinel,” referring to the fact that he stays by her side despite everything. 

Spinel goes silent for a moment, taken aback. “M’.... really? But...”

“Of course. I know you were brought into this world to be a friend to my mom, without any reciprocation from her. But I’m not her. You know that right?”

Spinel nods, her face flushed after she had cried. 

“Just like it was your duty to be her friend, it’s now my duty to be yours,” he tells her, unconsciously rubbing her hand. “You don’t owe me a thing, okay? You deserve a better friend. I can be that better friend, especially... especially since you chose not to stay on Earth with me, and the gems, and little Homeschool...” he sighs, disappointed.

Spinel notices his change of tone after being distracted by his thumb. “W-What’s wrong with that? Isn’t that what you wanted? ... Since I tried ta’ kill you,” she cringes, shutting her eyes for a moment.

“No, it’s not. I asked you to come back and save the Earth with me. Start over there. Make new friends.”

“Uh, huh? That’s what I did. I saved the Earth with cha, started over there with your help, made friends wit’ the Diamonds, and went back home. Exactly what cha wanted.”

“I...” he flinches, shutting his eyes. “I  meant I wanted you to stay with me, Spinel.”

And Spinel’s heart just _stops_. 

Spinel lets go of him and brings her hand to her mouth— “Wha-a-a-a?!”

Steven chuckles as she freaks out. 

“Whaaaat?! B-But I’m so—“

“Loud?”

“Yeah!”

“Annoying?”

“Uh-huh!”

“Impulsive, rash, reckless?”

“Yeah, exactly!”

“And?” he bluntly responds.

“...Huh?!” 

“And what about it?” he says as he gazes at her, biting his lip as not to laugh. 

“I-I-I-“

Steven chuckles as she stammers in shock. 

“And— and you like that?” she gasps. 

“Sure. I could use another gem to drive me crazy, hahah,” he says nonchalantly.

Spinel blushes, embarrassed. Was she really that bad? 

“Kinda... missed that, honestly. Kinda missed that about you.” 

Spinel’s heart beats rapidly. 

“Kinda... missed you, too,” he concludes in a murmur. 

“You missed me?! How!!” 

“I... don’t know, honestly. I haven’t really pieced together why yet.”

It’s because Connie’s gonna be taking her first college courses this summer and leave you, Steven.

“Maybe... you could help me complete the puzzle?” he says, looking up at her. 

Gasp! How did he know she loves puzzles?

Spinel can’t help but impulsively squeal as she feels her heart’s about to burst— “Oh, Steven!” she says as she clings onto him. “I had no idea! I’ll— I’ll ask the Diamonds immediately! I’ll pack my bags, take my bowlin’ pins, and move right inta’ ya fancy beachhouse, and— and!”

Steven interrupts. 

“Spinel... I, uh. Actually had a place for you... you’ll be living with Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot. Your friends. They’re your friends, remember?”

Oh, that’s not what she wanted at all. 

She starts panicking, unsure what to do.

“I... I. Um. I don’t know what to say, uh, hah. I-I thought—“

“I’m sorry... It’s just that Connie comes over a lot, and we’re trying to spend as much time as possible together before she goes off to college.”

“College?”

“Yeah. For the summer.”

“Okay... but still— I.”

Spinel isn’t sure what to do. She... she didn’t want to be with Steven if she wasn’t gonna stay with him, and she certainly didn’t want to be near him if Connie’s gonna be all over him all the time, taking him away from her. 

He... has Connie. She can’t... fall for Steven again— she can’t. She already felt so embarassed to crush on Steven only to find out he had a girlfriend the entire time. 

She— she actually thought they were gonna be together, finally reunited with her Diamond, only for her other friend to come riding in on a lion. 

What a fool she was.

So she stopped crushing on him, kinda. And she was doing so well, too! Until now. Until today. 

She... didn’t realize what a good hugger he was. Or how soft his hair was. Or how nice his cologne was. Or how strong he was. Or how delicate he was with his hands, and— she grows completely flustered at the memory of her bear breasts against his chest and— oh my stars, she’s in love with him again! 

“So... what do you say, Spinel? Are you done being Homeworldbound?”

But the Renaissance... she remembers sadly. 

But The _Diamonds_... she winces.

“I’m... I’m not sure. I’ve been havin’ problems with the Diamonds... it’s been hard, lately.”

“Oh, I didn’t know...”

“Yeah. I still love ‘em, but. I’ll get through this on my own.”

“Look... I promised you I would be a better friend, Spinel. We can start over now! We’ll do better now...” he says as he holds her hand— and she nearly swoons, holding her breath at his touch but... 

That’s the problem. She’s in love with him. She’s not gonna... fall for him when she knows he’s with Connie and he’ll reject her.

So why does he want her back all of a sudden?

Spinel tenses up— “s-so you want me around so I can be your new playmate, is that it!” she clenches her teeth. 

“No—no!” Spinel starts pushing him away from her, back into the room. 

“You wanna— you wanna replacement for ya girlie, huh? Someone ta’ keep you company? Entertain ya? You want your own little court jesta’ like your mommy now, your majesty?” 

“No! Spinel!” she pushes him all the way to the door and kicks him in the back, sending him to the hallway. He falls to the ground. 

“WELL TOO FUCKIN’ BAD! I won’t let you get one over on me again, Stev’n Univ’rse!” she shouts as she aggressively slams the door in his face, startling him. 

Steven groans as he leans his head against the door. That... didn’t go as well as he anticipated. 

Steven sighs and lifts himself up, swiping the dirt off his princely pants. Guess he has no choice but to leave her behind now. Hope she made the right choice. 

Steven heads down the hallway as the concert’s just about to begin.

***

The stage is finally set, and there’s a crowd of gems waiting patiently for the show to start. Steven heads backstage with Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl and summons his guitar, ready to play music for the audience. 

Calmed down, Spinel finally returns to the concert hall and meets up with her dance-partners. “Hey, Spinel, where were you! You missed the entire rehearsal!” says one of them. 

Spinel rubs the back of her head. “Ah-hah, yeah, sawry ‘bout that. Got a lil’ bit carried away wit’ the prince for a while there...”

“Well, I’m sorry, but we had to get a replacement for you. One of the Amethysts took your place and learned the dance.”

“Whaaaat?! But I’m here now!”

“We didn’t know you’d come back! And you never told us! I’m sorry, but you have to leave, now. We have to warm up before we go up,” says another one. 

Spinel growls and stomps away, muttering angrily. “Fuckin’ losers, hated that stupit’ dance anyway. My performance’ll be way better, I’ll show ‘em!” Spinel blows her hair out of her face.

Spinel heads backstage as the show starts— with different groups of gems performing one by one. There are musicians and dancers of all kinds— with Spinel, as the only one of her kind left on Homeworld, being the sole acrobat. We see the Diamonds in the back of room, overlooking the audience and watching the stage with excitement as the announcer speaks, welcoming the elites to the concert hall. 

Spinel does some stretches, preparing to go up soon. She sees Steven seated by Garnet, tuning his guitar while she does singing exercises. She leans against the wall as she watches... seems like they’re gonna perform together. 

Pearl is seen stretching too, likely going to dance ballet— while Amethyst simply reclines on a chair, relaxing. Pearl shoves her, prompting her to follow as they’re up next. Currently, Spinel’s dance group is performing. Finally, the audience applauds, and Pearl and Amethyst go next— an unexpected pair, she observes. 

Pearl glides on stage as she begins her ballet choreography, doing all sorts of majestic twirls as classical music plays. The audience stares up at her in amazement as she steps across on her tippie-toes, wearing ballet shoes, and waving her arms up and down elegantly like a swan. She does a spin and lifts her leg up high and holds it in her hand, showing off her flexibility— only to put it back down and hop daintily across the stage. She raises her arm up, and royally bows. The audience applauds. 

Suddenly, R&B music plays and Amethyst coolly steps in to dance— it seems they’re doing some kind of music-genre fusion, showing Homeworld’s elites what ballet looks like, a favorite of theirs, with Earth’s styles of dancing. Amethyst does all sorts of cool moves as Pearl twirls behind her— Amethyst stands on her palm, lifting her legs up— she then spins her body around to the music, amazing the audience— and Pearl and Amethyst dance together in an unlikely fusion of dancing styles. They conclude, bowing together— and the audience claps. 

Up next is Spinel, who will be performing an array of acrobatic tricks for the elites. 

She actually feels great, ready to perform her best, since Steven fully massaged her... so she’s fully capableto show off her skills! 

A rarity on Homeworld, Spinel is one of the only gems able to perform these complex tricks, especially because she has extreme elasticity. Spinel steps on the stage and bows— as the announcer discloses that she was Pink Diamond’s court jester— and she’s wearing an acrobat’s one-piece, beginning her show. Dramatic music plays in the background, intensifying her movements. 

Spinel presses her chest down to the floor and pulls her legs up, curling them, until they reach the top of her head— the crowd gasps in amazing as she contorts herself so strangely. 

She then lifts both her legs up in the air and does a handstand— then alternating her hands as she balances on one. She then flips herself up, and starts doing cartwheels around the stage— the audience ooh-ing and ah-ing at her spectacular movements. 

She concludes her first act with a series of flips, and waves at the audience as they cheer as she concludes, standing in the center of the stage. 

She wishes Steven weren’t backstage so she could watch her, too— maybe then she’ll see how special she is and fall in love with her.

She then swiftly summons a baton— and twirls it rapidly around her body with her hands, much like she could do with her scythe—going in between her legs, behind her back, and finally over her head at great speeds, dizzying them. The audience claps as she finishes. 

She returns the baton to her gem, and then bends down, facing the audience. She lifts her legs so they go over her back, and she stares at the audience as her legs touch the ground, right by her head as she full bends her body for them. They gasp— and applaud widely— just as she returns to her original position, standing.

Finally, Spinel summons three bowling pins— and throws them one by one in the air, juggling them effortlessly, not letting a single one drop to the ground. As she does this in deep focus, Steven is seen with Garnet waiting to go up, watching her from the entrance on the side of the stage. His arms are folded as he admires her. 

She really was amazing, wasn’t she? Steven had always been afraid of her elasticity, mainly because it was used to attack or choke him— and he winces at the memory of her propelling him over Beach City when they were above her incinerator a year ago. But still, he was thoroughly impressed by her skills.

Finally, Spinel concludes her juggling segment, and her performance altogether, and raises her hand up and spins her hand down to her stomach for a bow. The audience roars wildly— the show’s best performance yet— and she walks backstage, waving goodbye to the lively crowd. 

As she’s backstage, White Diamond’s Pearl was performing adorably with her ribbon wand— a lost art to Homeworld, as the war had taken a toll on the development of the society’s art, beauty, and culture. 

As Spinel drinks water from the cooler, fanning her sweaty face as she stands in front of it. Steven approaches her— startling her. 

“Oh, uh,” she stammers, averting her gaze. She can’t face him right now. 

“Do you...” he mutters. Huh?

“Do you... mind moving to the side? You’re blocking the cooler and I’d like a drink before going onstage,” he says nonchalantly, grabbing a paper cup.

Oh. That’s disappointing. “Ah, gee, sorry,” she says, stepping swiftly to the side. 

She watches him pour water into his cup and drink it, chugging it— him towering over her small body as he lifts his chin up— his soft biceps revealing themselves as his arm is bent up in front of her. He deeply sighs, wiping his mouth as he pants— sweat dripping down his forehead—and Spinel’s face is flushed as she watches him. 

That was hot. 

Steven looks at her for a moment— just for Spinel to panic and step away awkwardly— she then finds herself away from the stage entirely, and walks into the crowd to enjoy the performance herself. 

She... hadn’t been this happy in a while, she thought. Spinel loved to perform and be in the spotlight, and she loved to appreciate the arts with others... so things were starting to feel like they used to in the old days, she figures, when Pink was still around... It seems that was the point, actually, especially since Steven had returned to revitalize her legacy. 

Suddenly, the announcer speaks. “At long last— the final performance of the night— we introduce to you, the crowned Prince of Homeworld, Pink Diamond, and the magnificent Garnet!” 

The audience screams, chanting Pink Diamond’s name. Spinel can’t help but get excited for him too, and watches tentatively. Spinel swears she feels someone faint behind her as Steven proudly steps onto the stage— and Spinel’s heart skips a beat. He waves to his audience. 

As Garnet steps in, Spinel hears that the audience’s cheers have been replaced with murmurs as they realize she’s a fusion. It seems that Homeworld, especially the elites, are still not comfortable with fusion, and are especially not accepting of one striding so casually in the palace alongside their Diamond. 

Steven has his guitar in his hand as he sits down a chair, with Garnet beside him standing behind a microphone.

He... looks so cool. 

“Hey there, Homeworld!” waves Steven to not only the audience, but the camera in front of him, as his face is being projected to all of Homeworld. His image can be seen on holograms, electronic billboards, and projectors all over the planet, with his name on the bottom of the screen for all the new refugees to identify him. All of Homeworld’s citizens are tuned into the show— it seems this concert was more exclusive than she thought, especially since Pink Diamond himself, the one who inspired this event, was performing as well.

“How’s it goin’, everybody?” smiles Steven with a wink, making some girls beside Spinel swoon. 

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’m here with my good friend Garnet—“ he gestures at her, and the camera focuses on her for a second, only to return to focus on their beautiful Diamond, “and we’ll be performing a little song called... True Kinda Love.”

The audience applauds— wait, True Kinda Love? That... sounds familiar, Spinel recalls.

Suddenly, the lights dim, and the camera pans out to show both Steven and Garnet.

Steven strums his guitar— and their performance has officially begun. Garnet grips tightly to the microphone. 

_ Oh, when a difficult day goes by  ♫ _

_ Keeping it together is hard, but that's why  ♫ _

_ You've got to try  ♫ _

_ You've got to try  ♫ _

Oh... it’s this song. 

_ And when there's a thundering storm outside  ♫ _

_ Underneath the covers, you huddle and hide  ♫ _

The song that Garnet sang when the Crystal Gems defeated her. 

_ Open your eyes  ♫ _

_ Open your eyes  ♫ _

The song that played as she tried to kill Steven.

_ It's the true, it's the true  ♫ _

_ It's the true kinda love  ♫ _

_ It's the true, it's the true  ♫ _

_ It's the true kinda love  ♫ _

The song that played as her injector poisoned Beach City, destroying everything Steven loved.

_ Stuck in the middle of fear and shame  ♫ _

_ Everybody's looking for someone to blame  ♫ _

_ Like it's a game  ♫ _

_ Like it's a game  ♫ _

The song that played as she lost the game. 

_ And now I am better than "win-or-lose"  ♫ _

_ There's a new direction that I'd like to choose  ♫ _

_ It's called the truth  ♫ _

_ It's called the truth  ♫ _

Steven is seen jamming on his guitar as he has a solo— the spotlight focused on him— and the audience holds up glowsticks for him, swaying to the calming music. 

Spinel... can’t take this anymore, she thinks. This song brings back too many painful memories. She sniffles as she feels she’s about to tear up— and the sentimental sound of the music isn’t helping.

Memories she tried so, so hard to forget. Maybe that’s why she chose not to live in Beach City— because she’d be reminded of the horrible actions she committed against a place Steven loved so, so dearly.

Spinel was about to step backward and run out of the crowd— until Steven’s guitar solo concludes, and he begins to sing himself, catching Spinel’s attention again.

_ Hey, you... ♫_

Huh? 

Spinel... Spinel swears that was meant for her. Someone’s calling out for her. 

Steven looks up at the crowd— and fixates his eyes on Spinel’s.

Is he...?

_ Show me that solvable problem ♫_

_ We can get through this, I’ll do the hardest part with you  ♫ _

He concludes as he had been staring directly at her entire time— practically serenading her in public.

How... unbelievably romantic, she thought. 

That was all for her?

Spinel holds her hand to her chest as she sways to the music as well, as Garnet begins to sing again. 

_ It's the true, it's the true  ♫ _

_ It's the true kinda love  ♫ _

_ It's the true, it's the true  ♫ _

_ It's the true kinda love  ♫ _

Steven keeps playing, focused on his guitar. A small orchestra can be playing in the background, accompanying Steven’s song with romantic strings.

_ It's the true, it's the true  ♫ _

_ It's the true kinda love  ♫ _

_ It's the true, it's the true  ♫ _

_ It's the true kinda love  ♫ _

Steven slows down his song... and finally, they conclude. 

The audience explodes, cheering and applauding wildly for Steven as he stands up alongside Garnet. They raise their hands up, holding eachothers’, and they take a powerful bow. Steven grips tightly to his guitar.

Steven raises back up, and smiles widely, exposing his boyish smile— Spinel feels like she’s about to faint at the sight of him so happy. 

Finally happy in Homeworld, that is. 

“Thank you, Beach City!” 

...

...

Huh?

The audience considerably quiets down— and Garnet nudges Steven. 

He gasps after realizing he said Beach City instead of Homeworld like he was supposed to— and the Diamonds are furious, as they do NOT want more Gems to go to Earth, to Little Homeworld, just so Steven can stay there longer.

It seems Steven really did miss Beach City. What was she thinking hoping Steven would stay with her in the palace, instead?

“I-I mean, I mean— Thank you, Homeworld!” he says loudly instead, and the audience cheers again. The Diamonds breathe a collective sigh of relief, and Steven chuckles awkwardly. 

That was close. 

Steven and Garnet make their way off the stage, guitar and microphone in hand, and Spinel waits for him near the backstage entrance, hoping to see her. What was that— that little set of lyrics for her— all about? 

Spinel finally catches sight of Steven— and he rushes towards her? He extends his arms out— it seems that he wants to hug her— despite everything— and Spinel gradually raises her hands up and he’s just so happy he screams out her name in front of everybody—

“Connie!”

Huh? 

Steven passes by Spinel and launches himself into Connie’s arms, who had been behind Spinel. 

“Steven!” she says happily. 

“Connie, you made it!” 

“Of course I did, silly! Sure, I’m still preparing for my AP exams next month, but I’ll always make time for you!”

Spinel quietly watches them, lowering the hands she thought she’d hug him with. 

Steven kisses Connie on the lips, and she cups his cheeks. “You were incredible, Steven!” 

He wraps his arms around her in a tight embrace, completely neglecting Spinel— dipping into Connie as he kisses her again. Connie giggles— “Steven... we’re in public...!” she whispers excitedly, and they make out as Steven’s on a total high after his successful performance.

Spinel sighs. 

Oh, you know, the usual.

This wasn’t the first time Connie showed up at the palace with Steven like this.

This is probably what it’ll be like if she were to live in Beach City with Steven, instead, isn’t it.

Looks like she’ll stay Homeworldbound  after all. 


	49. But What About The Poison?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel visits the royal gardens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback, right after the last chapter. proofread
> 
> 150K WORDS 🥳 🎉 50K MORE AND ILL BE #1. im gonna write another chapter now after i proofread this so stay tuned :3

It had been about a week since Pink Diamond visited the palace and performed for the Diamonds’ first Homeworld Renaissance concert. 

Since Steven himself is a musician and a lover of the arts much like his mother, it was his responsibility to uphold her legacy and bring back song, dance and beauty to the planet, taking inspiration from what he sees and hears back on the planet Earth— sharing his vision of what he’d like Homeworld to be in the future.

It was a busy day at the palace and Spinel had just finished entertaining Yellow Diamond. Wasn’t really that fun, especially since her stupid Pearl kept snickering and making fun of her, but whatever. She was finally on her break and was making her way down the main hall to mingle— and then there was Steven. 

Spinel was about to rush up to him and hug him, smooch him— like she originally would, but then she remembered the... sour note they ended on last time. He didn’t even say goodbye to her when he left to go back to his planet. So she just casually strode past him, pretending not to see him as he was distracted signing autographs, catching the attention of everyone in his Pink Diamond-inspired getup.

He seemed to be too busy to pay her any mind, anyway. He was here to redecorate the palace— including his room, which needed a “bed” (Spinel has no idea what it’s for or what it looks like) and a “bathroom” (again, no idea) and a “desk” (Spinel has no need for one— she knows what it is but still, foreign enough to her that it needs to be in quotations) for him to use since he was a human. 

Lastly, Spinel had heard that Steven had been planting new flowers in the Royal Garden, likely from the planet Earth, for the Diamonds and the elites to appreciate everytime they strolled outside. 

Steven... didn’t really like Homeworld as it was a futuristic concrete jungle devoid of nature and beauty, but after Spinel’s trauma, she was just fine with that. 

But... she supposed she should make an effort him, and give gardens a chance again. In fact, everytime Spinel was forced to go on strolls outside— because that’s what Pink would do everyday— she would dissociate and zone everything out. So she was eager to practice and make a change— for her Diamond! 

Spinel makes her way towards the gardens and waves at Volleyball along the way, her best friend. As she makes her way outside, she sees a group of elites whisper to eachother, talking about a magical well in the garden that grants wishes— and that piques Spinel’s interest.

She finally made it to the garden itself and smelled the fresh “air”— and walked through the hedge path shyly. She saw gardening gems paint the roses— paint them pink, just in time for Steven’s arrival.

_Painting the roses pink, painting the roses pink!_

Along the way, she saw statues of each of the Diamonds... where’s Pink’s, she wonders? It had been taken down since she died, so she wondered if Steven would get one of himself to replace her. 

Spinel started getting anxious being surrounded by all the beautiful roses, until she encountered a strange circular structure with a hole on it and a little roof. She walks towards it and looks down: it was the well, the one the gems were talking about— one sent from Earth, that had recently been put in. 

Spinel sees nothing but a pitch black void, but she swears she can hear water trickling below. She recalls that if one wishes into a well, that their wish may soon come true! Or at least that’s what she heard.

It’s so deep... she wonders if it’ll echo. 

Spinel begins to whistle, pointing her head down the well— and it mimics her— and Spinel gasps! 

It worked! 

Spinel looks around the lush, green garden, and clears her throat to sing. She enjoyed this kind of privacy sometimes, after following around elites all day. 

Suddenly, a couple of pebbles appear. It seems that they had followed her into the garden, as they usually chased Spinel around, and overheard her whistling. 

The pebbles all climb up to the well— as the varied stones serve as little steps— and they sit alongside Spinel. 

She smiles, and whispers to them as they look up at her. 

“Want to hear a secret?” she asks, bringing a finger to her face. They scoot themselves closer, curious. 

“Promise to never tell?” they nod eagerly. Spinel then flutters her eyes closed, clearing her throat.

“We are standing by a wishing well,” she says as she tilts her head up. 

_ Make a wish into the well  ♫ _

_ That's all you have to do  ♫ _

_ And when you hear it echoing  ♫ _

_ Your wish will soon come true!  ♫ _

And then she leans closer to sing into the dark hole. She brings her hand up to her ear to listen closely.

I'm wishing— I'm wishing  ♫ _,_ the well repeats after her. 

_ For the one I love  ♫ _

_To find me — To find me ♫_ _,_ it repeats again. 

_ Today — Today  ♫ _

She continues, as the pebbles look up at her in awe.

_ I'm wishing — I'm wishing  ♫ _

_ And I'm dreaming of  ♫ _

_ The nice things — The nice things  ♫ _

_ He'll say.  ♫ _

She then starts to make little noises, pitching her voice louder, playing with the echo sound effect. 

_ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah—  ♫ _

_ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah—  ♫ _ , it repeats. 

_ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah—  ♫ _ , Spinel sings again.

 _ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah—  ♫ _ , it repeats. 

_ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah—  ♫ _

_ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah—ah—ah-ah-ah!  ♫ _ she sings one last time, giggling as the pebbles applaud Spinel and her new singing partner.

Maybe she didn’t need Steven, after all.

Spinel concludes, and hikes her chest up the well so she hovers over it, kicking her legs up an down romantically, daydreaming of the one she loves. She hums her song again. 

Suddenly, the pebbles gasp, and bow down. Spinel doesn’t notice, her melodies overpowering their little noises.

_ I'm wishing  ♫ _

Huh? 

Suddenly, she hears a voice right next to her— and another one, as the well repeats after him. 

_ I’m wishing  ♫ _ , the well repeats. Spinel turns to the side to see Pink Diamond, staring down excitedly at the well as he sings to it. 

_ For the one I love  ♫ _

_ To find me — To find me  ♫ _ , it repeats again. 

_ Today — Today  ♫ _

He nudges Spinel, hoping that she finishes the song. 

_I'm wishing_ she sings, and the well repeats— _I'm wishing_ _♫_

_ And I'm dreaming of  ♫ _

_ The nice things — The nice things  ♫ _

_ He'll say — he’ll say.  ♫ _

Steven sings again, gazing into her eyes, and Spinel feels inclined to sing along with him in unison. 

_ I'm wishing— I'm wishing  ♫ _

_ For the one I love  ♫ _

_ To find me — To find me  ♫ _

_ Today — Today  ♫ _

Spinel awkwardly concludes with him, and averts his gaze shyly. 

She was about to say something nice to him— but then she remembers how she ditched him at the concert for Connie. 

“Where’s ya girl, huh? Don’t cha got somethin’ betta ta’ do than stand here wit’ me beside a well?”

“Oh, Connie? Uh, right now she’s at cram school for the SATs until 10...” he brings his gloved hand to his chin, thinking. “And before that she was studying for two tests for her APs. And before that she was at Robotics Club, and...” 

“Yeah, yeah— I get it,” she interrupts and rolls her eyes, gritting her teeth. 

Steven chuckles. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye to you that night at the concert. I got a bit uh, tied up with something, and then the gems wanted to go home.”

Spinel groans at the horrible memory of watching Steven and Connie makeout. She had left the scene immediately, going back to her room. 

“Whatever. It’s whatever,” she mutters as the pebbles appear again, greeting their Diamond.

Steven suddenly brings his hands to his face, squishing his chubby cheeks— “Oh my gosh!” he suddenly raises the pitch of his voice and squeals. “Hi girls!”

...Girls?

What. Spinel stares at him, confused at his sudden change in demeanor as he picks up one of the pebbles. He giggles as more hop on his shoulder, showering him with kisses and cuddles. “Heheheh! Aw, you girls are so sweet! I missed you so much!” he says as he nuzzles against one of them. Spinel’s eyes widen at the sight... what the hell was he doing?

Spinel looks at him intently as he picks one of them up and cups her in his hands— he then makes little smoochy noises and kisses her cheeks. “Who’s a good girl! Who’s my little girl?!” the pebble giggles, planting her tiny hands on his nose. He eskimo kisses them as he speaks to her in a babying voice— “You are! You are! Who loves you? Who?” the pebbles on his shoulders kiss his two cheeks, smiling. “Daddy loves you!”

...Daddy?

_Fuck._

Spinel’s face bursts hot pink and she just explodes. He... he calls himself daddy for them?

Spinel averts her gaze and covers her quivering mouth with her hand. Fuck, fuck. Th-that’s not fair. When did he get so cute? He wasn’t cute before! 

Okay, maybe he was. 

Spinel wishes Steven held her and kissed her liked that, and talked to her that way and said those kinds of things to her. 

Uh, just the cute voice and the who loves you thing, not the daddy thing. 

...Okay, maybe also the daddy thing. Definitely also the daddy thing. 

Ugh! What’s going on?! When did she get so weak around Steven! 

Spinel shuts her eyes as she hears him chuckle boyishly at the sensation of multiple pebbles kissing and hugging him— even worse for Spinel, one even jumps on the top of his head and plays with his hair, tickling him. “Hey, come on, that tickles— heeheheheh!” 

Oh, there goes his dreamy laugh. Now she has to cover her ears somehow because of his affections too? She’s gonna fucking burst. She looks away, showing solely her cheek to Steven as she mumbles unintelligibly.

Suddenly, Steven quiets down and Spinel feels something press against her cheek. Huh? 

Spinel shifts to the side and looks next to her— only to see Steven cupping a pebble in his palms, making her kiss Spinel. 

He giggles even sweeter than time. “Heheheh! She liiiikes you,” he says playfully. Spinel’s lips tremble as the pebble smooches her— and with Steven so close to her watching, his chubby cheeks puffing so adorably as he grins— she’s freaking out.

“That one’s named Daisy! Pretty little Daisy. You like it? You can help me give them names, Spinel!”

Oh my god, he’s naming them cute things too? 

“I—I.” 

That’s it. 

She can’t do this anymore. 

Spinel shifts her head to the side and starts walking, marching back to the palace as she faces down. 

Spinel lets the pebbles hop to the edge of the well and he calls out for her. “Spinel? Spinel, wait!” 

But Spinel keeps walking, ignoring him. He’s— he’s just too much today!

Steven catches up to her in the garden, and grabs her by the shoulder to make her face him.

“Hey! What’s wrong? I thought we were having fun.”

Spinel taps her fingers together. “M’... I know, but...” 

“But what? Did I do something wrong?” oh, he did everything wrong— she’s not supposed to fall in love with him! Why is he so—

UGH! 

“You’re just... really, really cute, Steven!” she blurts out, shutting her eyes as her lips quiver in embarrassment— only to cover her mouth as she can’t believe she just did that.

...Cute?

Steven can’t help but blush— cupping a hand to his face— but also... seems a bit disappointed, suddenly?

Steven... thought he had just recently stopped becoming cute. He was always this chubby, short boy... extremely feminine and playful. But now that he was 17— grew a few inches, lost some weight, developed some musculature, has more body hair and even sideburns— he wanted to finally be seen as a man. And as he was Pink Diamond, he wanted to even be seen as a powerful ruler now. Cute isn’t really the compliment he wanted to hear, unfortunately. 

“Oh. Thanks.”

Spinel feels her heart sink to her chest— and not in the good way. She groans as he looks crestfallen at her confession. “Mmngh... you... you don’t like it?”

“I usually would, of course but. Today... not really,” he says as he looks down at the royal outfit picked out for him today. A group of Pearls had designed a set of new outfits for him to wear specifically tailored to him— ones befitting of his masculine physique. Instead of short, puffy pants, he’d wear long trousers from now on. Instead of slippers, he’d sport oxfords or loafers. Instead of pink gloves, they were white, and instead of poofy feminine sleeves, they were sharpened to accentuate his broad shoulders. 

He wanted to look like a man. A handsome man, not a cute one, that is. And it worked, too, as when a random gem walked passed them as they walked that moment she nearly fainted at the sight of him. 

Spinel can’t believe she keeps messing up like this. Literally everything she does around him, she does it wrong. It’s starting to frustrate her... she mumbles something as she walks beside him, exploring the gardens.

Also, how dense does he have to be to not see her calling him cute as not  romantic? That’s like the biggest confession she’s ever made in her life, and he overlooked it completely. 

“S-Sawry. My bad,” she didn’t really understand why he didn’t like that, but as they walk they encounter some kind of foreign tree. 

Spinel pauses and looks up at it, catching Steven’s attention. He romantically chuckles— stop romantically chuckling, ugh!— as he walks closer to it, reaching up. 

“What is that thing?” she points at it.

“It’s an apple,” he says as he plucks it out of the branch and holds it up for her. Spinel gazes at the bright red apple— ones commonly found on Earth. “I planted it the other day.”

“Is it poison?”

Steven softly laughs as she unintentionally made a reference to Snow White. “Uh, pfft. No. Not in this story, at least,” he replies. 

He extends his hand for her so she takes out the apple. “Try it.”

Spinel hesitates as she looks down at its dramatic color... “but what about the poison?” 

Steven rolls his eyes and bursts out laughing boyishly— stop laughing boyishly, ugh!— “It’s not poison, Spinel!” 

“Okaaaay. Don’t lie ta’ me, Universe,” she says as she brings it to her mouth and takes a bite out of it. 

Steven nudges her as she chews, walking beside her again. “Sooo?”

“Th-That’s... really good! I love it!” she says as she takes another bite, and another. Steven giggles as she sees her enjoy herself. 

Steven holds his hand out after she took a few bites, and Spinel hands it back to him. He himself takes a bite out of it, to Spinel’s surprise. 

“Huh?” He’s... eating the apple that has her saliva? But what about the poison— your poison, Spinel! 

Steven realizes she was uncomfortable. “Oh, my bad— do you not like sharing food? I thought since we were friends that we could.”

Spinel shakes her head— “no, no! It’s swell. All fine n’ dandy. Nooo problem here, buddy!” 

Spinel chuckles. “Okay,” he takes a huge bite— to the point that the apple protrudes out of his cheek foolishly, and she giggles. He chews harshly and swallows and passes it back to her. 

Spinel looks at the apple and can’t help but notice it... sparkle? And— and— she can’t believe she’s about to taste Steven’s spit— it’s like an indirect kiss! This is perfect. 

She eagerly takes a bite, but brings her to to tongue to the bite mark as if to make out with him— and she bites it sensually multiple times, almost moaning with her eyes closed. Steven notices how... sexually she’s eating that apple.

“Uh, Spinel?”

Spinel finishes and swallows. “Mhm?” she says with a gulp, looking back up at him. 

“You know what, nevermind,” he mumbles, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

Steven finally stops and takes her hand — wha? And leans closer to her face, observing her. Spinel looks up at him in fear— is he going to...? 

But then he pulls out his fancy handkerchief from his Diamond vest and dabs her mouth and cheeks. “You... got a little somethin’ there, hah.” 

Spinel remains stuck, blushing. This... this is so romantic. And thoughtful. And considerate. And caring. UGH! And it’s so soft on her skin, too. 

“I’ve been wantin’ to use this for a while... but nobody around me on Homeworld eats... or cries, for that matter.” 

Steven was about to put it back in his pocket— but Spinel grabs his wrist and shouts at him— “NO!” she stomps her foot. 

Steven freezes uncomfortably, and slowly returns it to her. “O...kay?”

Spinel takes it back and rubs it on her cheek as it comforted her— as it was Steven’s. She cheers. “Hehe, yay!” 

Steven chuckles. “Hah, okay, Spinel.” She’s so silly. “It’s yours.”

“Oh my gosh, really?! Yippeee!” she jumps excitedly. They both finish the apple and Steven throws it in the trash.

Spinel sees that a tiny pebble had been on Steven’s shoulder the whole time... so she opens up her palms so she hops onto her. 

Steven looks down at it and gives it a little rub with his finger. “Aww, hi cutie!” he giggles sweetly, raising the pitch of his voice. 

_ No, you’re the cutie, doofus. _

Spinel stares at the pebble, thinking. Hmm...

Steven looks across at her, confused.

“Minnie.”

“Huh?”

“That’s her name. Minnie.”

Steven chuckles, holding his hand to his face.

“T-That’s perfect, Spinel. I love it,” he says as he opens his hand so the pebble can hop onto it, and Steven gently places her down so she scuttles away to her family who was waiting for her. 

They both wave goodbye to the pebbles, only to smile at each other after the heartwarming moment.

Then, Steven grips her hand and bends down on both his knees so he can reach her level. 

“Huh?” Why is he bending down for her like this? 

Steven playfully moves his lips to emphasize that his own cheeks are covered in apple juice— he— he wants her to dab it clean. _Now it’s your turn!_

“Oh, um. Of course,” she says as she holds it up to his face— she’s never been this close to Steven’s face before...— and then she delicately dabs it on his face— his eyes romantically fluttered closed— Spinel notices his thick lashes and freckled nose— and his sun-kissed cheeks— and she finishes with a couple wipes. “Mm,” Spinel hears from him as he adorably winks an eye open to her,  playfully catching her attention.

Ugh, she wishes she could just smooch him straight in the kisser right now! 

But instead, a kiss on the cheek will suffice. She owed him one for all he did to her that night,  anyway. 

Mwah!

Steven sighs.

“T-Thank you. For. For what you did for me at the concert,” Spinel says shyly, looking down. She fiddles with his sleeve. “That was... v’ry sweet.”

“Of course, Spinel.”

“I’m. Sorry for lashing out at you. Again,” she mumbles, ashamed. “I didn’t mean ta’ slam tha’ door on your face. And yell at you. And push you. And kick you. And— and—“ she starts panicking, shaking in his grasp and he notices.

Steven leans closer to playfully nuzzle her nose, eskimo kissing her. “It’s okaaaay,” he whines, and shuts his eyes as he shifts his face side to side, trying to relax her.

“Mm.. n...” she whimpers, taken aback by how intimate they are right now. How is it possible that he feels comfortable getting so unabashedly close and affectionate with her like this? He holds her hands, trying to get her to stop shaking. 

Suddenly, Steven and Spinel can hear suspicious rustling in the bushes. Steven instantly stands up and summons his shield, protecting both of them— he furrows his brows intently, as he’s recently been paranoid of any attacks or kidnappings in the palace. He and the other elites are targets now— and that includes Spinel. He holds her hand— and actually rubs it with his thumb to comfort her, making sure she knows he’s there for her in this tense and suspenseful moment. 

Spinel gazes at his shield. He... wanted to protect her? Even if it was probably just a bunny rabbit in the bushes? 

But instead, it was White Diamond’s Pearl. 

“Oh!” Steven disintegrates his shield, the sparkles amazing Spinel. “Volleyball! It’s good to see you,” he says, still holding Spinel’s hand. Spinel swiftly removes it— but Volleyball calculatedly takes notice. 

“Hm. Hello, my Diamond,” she says as she does the Diamond insignia for him.

“It’s— It’s Steven—“ 

“No, silly!” she says saccharinely. “It’s Pink Diamond. My superiors instructed me to refer to you by your title. You’re in the palace grounds, remember?” 

“You can put your hands d—“

“And Spinel—“ she cuts, staring directly at her with her sole eye. “You should be saluting your Diamond as well. Saluting me, your fellow... servant.” Spinel tenses up and chokes on her breath—as Pearl reminds her of her place. That— that’s right. Spinel is a servant, just like Pearl. Yet here she was holding her superior’s hand, strolling in the garden like she was equal to him— no wonder people around them looked at her wrong. 

Spinel forms her arms into the Diamond insignia for him, and Steven scoffs— “Spinel, please, you don’t have to do that—“ he says desperately, in a bit of a whine— but as Pearl glares at her intently, she holds her arms firmly in place, shutting an eye to focus. Spinel can’t risk having White Diamond know she didn’t salute a superior properly— or she’ll be punished. She winces as she thinks Pearl noticed them holding hands— or, or eskimo kissing— or when she kissed his cheek, or when she ate a bite out of his apple— or, maybe even when they were singing in the well together. Had she been watching them the whole time?

Steven Universe needed constant supervision as a Diamond, after all. 

Steven sighs and gives up as Spinel wasn’t budging— she was committed to changing her attitude towards Steven from now on. Spinel then puts her arms behind her back and scooches to the side, keeping her distance from him.

Steven disliked that. Even though it was initially annoying, Steven grew to like having Spinel cling to him sometimes— especially since Connie was absent so much nowadays.

“Okay, what did you need me for, Pearl?” he asks, annoyed that she interrupted them.

“My lustrous, magnificent Diamond—,” she says gracefully, and Steven can’t help but groan and roll his eyes. “You are to be expected in the palace. I assure you, it’ll be very, very brief,” she smiles. 

“Oh. Okay. Sure,” he says. He turns around and looks at Spinel, squatting down to look at her. She looks down, unable to face her superior— she wasn’t supposed to look him directly in the eye anyway, she remembered. 

Steven notices that she’s tense and distant and takes her hair out of her face, putting it behind her ear. “Hey, I’ll be right back, okay? I just need do something in the palace really, really quick,” he says as he caresses her cheek, and she flinches. 

Why is he doing this. 

Probably to piss off Pearl, showing her that he treats his subjects equally and warmly. 

Nevertheless, Pearl robotically smiles as she waits for him, standing patiently. 

“Stand very still, okay? I don’t want you getting lost. I’ll be back in like fifteen or twenty minutes, I promise.”

Spinel nods. Steven lightly lets go of his hand— she starts feeling a bit possessive, and wants to grip it and scream at him not to and beg him to stay, but Pearl’s right there, and she’s matured now, she remembers, so she composes herself. 

Steven walks behind Pearl, waving goodbye as they leave the garden. 

Spinel stands there, holding her hands together, as she waits for Steven patiently.

Steven enters the main palace— and gasps, as he sees the Crystal Gems altogether waiting for him happily. 

“Guys!” he smiles as he rushes towards them, greeting Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Bismuth, Peridot, Lapis, and Connie— his seven dwarves. 

Also known as his other friends.

_ Let's go in the garden  ♫ _

_ You'll find something waiting  ♫ _

_ Right there where you left it  ♫ _

_ Lying upside down  ♫ _

“Connie!” shouts Steven as she jumps into his arms. He lifts her up to see her beautiful face, and they kiss. The Crystal Gems aw at the sight of the lovely couple. He gently puts Connie down, wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her closer. 

“What are you guys doing here? You never come to Homeworld!”

“We don’t!” answered Bismuth. “But we came to pick you up,” she winks. “Sorry to get all up in your bismuth like this,” she forms her fingers in the shape of a pistol— Peridot cracks up, but Lapis just folds her arms and groans at the shitty pun. 

Peridot rushes up to Steven excitedly. “We’re gonna go out for pizza!” she says, and Connie guides him closer to the gems. 

“Uh, pizza?” Steven brings a gloved finger to his cheek. Amethyst playfully punches his shoulder, her own little way of greeting him. “P’chyeah! It’s a Friday night! And you’ve been working in the palace all week! I miss you, man!”

Steven chuckles. “I missed you too, guys. A lot.” He sighs as he remembers how stressful playing prince for the Diamonds has been.

We see Spinel waiting patiently in the garden as fifteen minutes had already passed.

A butterfly hovers over her— making her flinch, as they trigger her— but she remains perfectly still anyway. 

She has to be strong for Steven.

_ When you finally find it  ♫ _

_ You'll see how it's faded  ♫ _

_ The underside is lighter  ♫ _

_ When you turn it around  ♫ _

Connie looks down at his hands, sensually removing his gloves, making him hike his breath. “That’s enough prince duty for tonight, I think.”

“Agreed,” says Pearl as she clasps her hands daintily, and the other gems surround Steven.

Garnet pushes Steven forward, prompting him to walk to the nearest warp pad, with Connie in his arms. “Let’s go, big guy.”

Lapis smiles— “ah, yeah! Pizza!”

_ Everything stays  ♫ _

_ Right where you left it  ♫ _

_ Everything stays  ♫ _

_ But it still changes  ♫ _

Steven smiles as he feels so loved and surrounded by his family— they all hop into the warp pad together, hugging eachother tightly, as they warp away. 

White Diamond’s Pearl creepily waves goodbye, looking up at them. 

Mission accomplished. 

_ Ever so slightly  ♫ _

_ Daily and nightly  ♫ _

_ In little ways  ♫ _

_ When everything stays...  ♫ _

— 

Five hours had passed, and Spinel was still waiting in the garden. It wasn’t until White Diamond’s Pearl had retrieved her, only to see her hair disheveled and covered in dirt as she stood still for so long.

“I’m sorry, Spinel,” Pearl whispers as she wraps an arm around her, guiding her back to the palace. “It seems the prince got so caught up in his duties, he forgot about you.”

Spinel looks down, confused and ashamed. But she remembers how busy he is, and how important he is, so she understands. 

Of course a royal prince would forget about his disposable little court jester, whose sole function is to entertain him and keep him company like she just did for him today.

Mission accomplished.

Who was she kidding?

Spinel sees two gardening gems trimming a pink bush— 

So there’s Steven’s, she recalls. 

Pearl guides Spinel to White Diamond’s quarters. Pearl tells Spinel to wait outside, as she needed to speak to her Diamond first. 

Spinel folds her arms and leans against the door— she catches the other two pearls passing by, snickering at Spinel, as they were relieved of their duties for the afternoon. 

Now... why were they so happy after seeing Spinel?

And what had they been doing out and about like that?

Pearl opens the door and gestures for Spinel to come in. Pearl waits outside. 

“Close the door, Spinel. Come here,” commands White Diamond as Spinel shuts the door behind her, leaning behind it. The atmosphere is remarkably tense.

Spinel walks forward, looking down, and bends down to her superior as she stands before her. She encloses her arms to form the Diamond insignia. 

“My Diamond...” she says anxiously. Why was she summoned? 

White Diamond looks down at Spinel coldly, illuminating the room as she sits on her throne. 

“I’ve heard you’ve made your acquaintance with Pink Diamond, haven’t you, Spinel? Getting awfully comfortable with him, holding his hand and kissing him like that in the romantic gardens, hm?”

So someone was watching them.

“Oh, please, you don't think--“

“Hold your tongue! Now... It seems we have time on our hands.“

“But I was only trying to--“

_Only trying to make him happy, my Diamond._

“Silence!” shouts White as she raises her hand up, forcing Spinel to freeze in place. 

“Time for pathetic little strolls around the garden. Perhaps we can put it to better use. Now... let  me see,” she brings a hand to her chin. 

“There's the large carpet in the main hall. Clean it! And the windows, upstairs and down. Wash them! Oh, yes... and the tapestries, and the draperies.”

“But— those are the Pearls’ duties!”

“Do it! And don't forget... the garden... then scrub the terrace... sweep the halls... and the stairs... clean the chimneys. And of course, there's the mending, and the sewing, and the laundry.”

And now begins Spinel’s story as Cinderella, the servant forced to do her stepfamily’s bidding in hopes she meets a prince at a royal ball who can save her.

“Oh, yes, and one more thing,” she adds nonchalantly.

Spinel shuts her eyes, unprepared for what’s to come. 

“Never, _ever_ speak to the Prince again,” she concludes coldly, glaring down at Spinel.

Spinel can’t help but whimper. This can’t be happening. 

Suddenly, Pearl opens the door and stands beside it, gesturing for Spinel to exit.

“Run along now, Sphalerite,” says White Diamond as she opens up a giant compact mirror— elegantly paints her lips black again.

It’s... Spinel. Her name was Spinel. 

Pearl closes the door behind her as Spinel walks out— only to run into her bedroom and cry on the couch, to be comforted by the pebbles— and steps forward to White Diamond.

“Thank the stars it’s over. I’m so glad Yellow and Blue’s Pearls had spotted them during their afternoon strolls, quickly rushing to their superiors to warn us of Spinel’s... misconduct. She really just wants to keep our Diamond away from us, doesn’t she? Doesn’t she know how busy he is...”

Pearl flinches, ashamed that she took part in this. But she had her choice— she was programmed to support her Diamonds like this. And she was especially bound to White Diamond, too.

“It’s really quite impossible to keep her still, isn’t it? Oh, the Diamonds and I joked about it the other day and thought we should lock her up in the garden again so she stays in place, ha! Isn’t that just lovely?” 

Pearl nods weakly, trying to hold back tears after witnessing the horrible abuse of her best friend.

“Now... next time— be sure to poison the apples on the tree for me.”

Pearl gasps— as she would never want to hurt Spinel.

“B-But! She’ll eat it! What about the poison?!” _What about Spinel’s Happily Ever After?!_

“That’ll keep her even busier so she stays farther away from the prince, then.”

White Diamond concludes her makeup, shutting tight her compact mirror whose clack echoes loudly throughout the room— making Pearl wince.

“That will be all. Goodnight.”


	50. Hijinks Will Ensue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue Diamond hosts a tea party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fully proofread. someone requested an alice and wonderland chapter nd i delivered >:3  
> One more flashback and we are back to the present yaaaaay
> 
> also 🎉 🥳 50 chapters

Spinel’s late— she’s late! For a very important date! 

Spinel is seen rushing down the grand halls of the palace, practically hopping, going down the rabbit hole into Blue Diamond’s quarters. 

Steven had visited her a few days ago, only to keep her waiting alone in the garden for hours, much to her disappointment— but  he sent her a letter the second he remembered he left her outside, and promised to make it up to her— with a date! A very important date! 

Well, he never actually said it was a date in his letter— instead, he said that he was invited to Blue Diamond’s tea party. 

Blue initially refused, sayingshe wanted it to be between her, Steven and a few of members of Blue’s court, including Sapphire, but Steven begged them to let him bring Spinel, as she hadn’t been to a tea party in so long! 

As Spinel was on her way to an event in Blue’s Court, she was meant to dress in blue. So instead of her usual pink attire, it had been recolored to fit the theme and ambiance of Blue’s exquisite lounge. 

As Spinel scurried across the palace like a rabbit to her destination, her bunny ears, or high pigtails flopping— she waves to the Rutile twins, Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum— only to stop and gape at the enormous Fluorite  who walked farther down behind her, a fusion of six gems— the Caterpillar of this wonderful story. 

_Wow-wee, that gem sure is big!_

It seems they were taking advantage of the fact that they weren’t outlaws anymore to take a tour of the palace.

Spinel kept hopping— literally, as she twisted her legs into a spiral so she could make her way to Blue just in time— until she finally arrived at a crossroad, met with multiple signs pointing to various directions. 

The palace did have 1,000 rooms, after all. Spinel reads the signs.

“Now let’s see, where was I?” she squints to read better, bringing her hand to her chin. “ Hmmm, I wonder which way I ought to go…” she mumbles.

Suddenly, a purple, fluffy cat appears, hopping onto one of the signs, stretching.

Spinel gasps.

“Why, why you’re a cat!” she says.

“A Cheshire Cat,” says Amethyst, who had shapeshifted for the day. She hops onto another sign, and another sign, making her way out.

“Oh, wait! Don’t go, please!” she calls out, pleading for her guide to come back.

“Very well,” Amethyst purrs, and lays down for a catnap.

“I just wanted to ask you which way I ought to go.”

“Well, that depends on how you want to get there.”

“Oh, it really doesn’t matter, as long as I—”

“Then it really doesn’t matter which way you go! Oh, by the way, if you’d really like to know, he went that way,” she points.

“Who did?” Spinel asks.

“Pink Diamond.”

“He did?” Yes! 

“He did what?”

“Went that way?”

“Who did?”

“Pink Diamond!”

“What Diamond?”

“But didn’t you just say… I mean— oh geez!”

Spinel starts to grow impatient. She just wants to see Steven! 

“Can you stand on your head?” Amethyst changes the subject, distracting Spinel.

“Oh! Why, yes I can, in fact!” and so Spinel does, tapping her feet together, cackling.

“However, if I were looking for a Pink Diamond, I’d ask the White Diamond,” mumbles the Cheshire Cat.

“White Diamond? Uh… no, no, I don’t- I don’t…”

“That’s because you have no way. All ways here, ya see, are the blue queen’s ways.”

“But I’ve neva’ met any queen.”

“You haven’t? You haven’t? Oh, but ya gotta! She’ll be mad about you!”

“Please, please! Uh… how can I find her?”

“Well, some go this way, some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the shortcut.”

“There’s the Blue Diamond. In that direction,” she points with a paw.

“Oh, thank you. That’s exactly who I was looking for. I- I think I shall visit her.”

“Of course, she’s mad too.”

“But I don’t want ta’ go among mad people!”

“Oh, you can’t help that. Almost everyone’s mad here. Ha… ha ha ha ha ha! You may have noticed that I’m not all there myself…. hahaha…” Amethyst giggles quietly as she falls asleep, taking a catnap.

Goodness. If the people here are like that, Spinel must try not to upset them. How very curious!

Spinel goes to the direction Amethyst pointed to, and finally arrives to Blue’s giant doors as she’s blocked off by two Rubies guarding the door. They recognize her as a member of Blue’s Court as she’s dressed in blue, and they let her in. 

We see Blue Lace Agate inside, welcoming the guests. She abruptly stops Spinel— it seems she got a new job, out of the zoo base. 

“Why, it’s a little Spinel!” she gasps, looking down at her, intimidating her White Rabbit.

Spinel fiddles with her dress shyly, looking down— “y-y-yes, and I was hopin’ to—“

Blue Lace Agate quickly cuts her, and points her chin up. “Look up. Speak nicely,” she grows enraged, “AND DON’T TWIDDLE YOUR FINGERS!” 

And so Spinel quickly does, putting her hands behind her back. 

“Turn up your toes—“ she commands, “curtsy,” and so Spinel elegantly does,bending down. “Open your mouth a little wider,” she says so majestically.

“And always say, _yes, your Excellency!_ ” she herself bows and curtsies for her. 

Spinel repeats. “Y-e-e-es, _your Excellency!_ ” and bows.

Blue Lace Agate pats her head, satisfied with her new greeting for her, and guides her inside the beautiful halls. 

“Where are you going,” she asks, tilting her head up as she strides— the halls acting as her stage.

“I’m trying to find my way to the tea room—“ Blue Lace Agate grows furious again. 

“YOUR WAY?! Always— you’re in Blue Diamond’s court— HER WAY!” she shouts at her. Seems she was tired of gems going against her way. 

“Y-Yes I know, but I was just thinking, that um, uh—“

“Curtsy while you speak, it saves time,” and so Spinel clumsily does. “Y-Yes your excellency, but I was only going to ask—“

“I’LL ASK THE QUESTIONS—“ she flutters her eyelashes as she nears Spinel— “do you play _croquet?_ ” she asks, seemingly calmed down.

“Y-Yes, your excellency,” she replies, as she used to play with Pink long, long ago.

“THEN LET THE GAME BEGIN!” she shouts, and leads Spinel to the playroom to meet the other players.

We see Blue Diamond, the members of her court, alongside Steven— who was dressed in his usual Diamond attire, except repainted Blue. Reminiscent of another protagonist lost inside a wonderful world. 

Steven catches her eyes and waves to her with his gloved hand— “Spinel!”

Suddenly, a fanfare blows loudly, prompting for everyone to get in their positions for the games to begin. 

“In your places, in your places, By order of Blue Diamond! Hurry, hurry, hurry!” 

And so they play a game of croquet— and Spinel finds herself competing against Blue Diamond. 

“This’ll be so much fun!” cheers Spinel, trying to impress Blue.

“I’ll show you how it’s done,” Blue tells her, as she prepared to swing her mallet— the robonoids acting as the wooden balls.

However, with Spinel’s elasticity, she plays so good in fact, Blue Diamond thinks she’s cheating. 

“Shall we sentence her to a trial, my Diamond?” asks the blue Zircon.

“Why, y—“ she was about to accept, until she noticed Steven under her, folding his arms and tapping his foot, staring angrily at her. 

“Blue, what did we talk about? No unjust persecutions.” Blue winces,  as she remembers Steven told her not to shatter anyone anymore.

Blue Diamond sighs. “I think not. Very well, then— shall we make our way to my tea room?”

Blue Diamond summons the members of her court to join her, including Steven’s Sapphire, and they walk down the halls. Spinel trails behind— but she can’t catch up to Steven, who is right beside Blue Diamond. 

They finally make it to Blue Diamond’s tea room, and sit together in a grand dining table, filled with teacups, sugars, honey, cookies, biscuits, and the like for all to enjoy. 

Steven had been saving a seat for Spinel beside him, much to Blue Diamond’s distaste, and Spinel tries to sit down next to him. 

“No room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room!” says an Aquamarine across from him. 

“But I thought there was plenty of room!” says Spinel, confused.

“Ah, but it’s very rude to sit down without being invited!” says Blue Lace Agate.

“I say it’s rude. Its very very rude, indeed!” replies Blue Diamond.

“Very very very rude, indeed…” mutters a Lapis.

“Come on, guys, I told you! Spinel’s coming to drink tea with us,” he says as pulls out a seat for here. Spinel shimmies through to sit fown.

As she sees that Blue Diamond was now hosting the tea party, like the Mad Hatter and that Steven was dressed in blue, like Alice— and as she, a little rabbit, finds herself awaiting a warm cup of tea, she believes she’s now supposed to be the White Rabbit to Steven’s Alice!

It seems the White Rabbit made it after all, and made time to join the tea party this time! Isn’t that lovely?

“Let’s all congratulate us with another cup of tea, a very merry unbirthday to you!” says Blue Diamond to her subjects.

“Ah, yes indeed! The tea, you must have a cup of tea!” says Aquamarine.

“That would be real swell. I’m sorry I interrupted your birthday party… uh, thank you,” mutters the White Rabbit.

Blue Diamond cuts in. “Birthday? My dear child, this is not a birthday party!”

”Of course not! This is an unbirthday party!” says a Lapis.

“Unbirthday? Like the opposite of your birthday?” asks Spinel.

“Yes, exactly! Is today your unbirthday too? Oh, wait, wait—“ Blue Diamond gestures at Sapphire. “Is today her unbirthday, Sapphire?

“Why yes, it is,” she quickly and  cooly replies with her prediction. Everyone in the table applauds her incredible clairvoyance.

Uh... she had a 1/365 chance of getting that wrong, so it’s not that impressive, but okay. 

While everyone enjoys the pastries, mingling, Steven leans his elbow on the table. “So... enjoying the tea party? I’m glad you could make it.”

Blue Pearl, who had been beside him, smacks him gently. “No elbows on the table.”

“Ah!” Steven quickly composes himself before Steven can see. “S-Sorry. Not really used to this whole... courtesy thing, hah.” 

Spinel was eager to see Steven, but then she remembered White Diamond’s demands the other night. She was to never speak to Pink Diamond ever again. 

So she does exactly that, and stays quiet as he talks. She grabs some cookies to eat.

He hovers over her, admiring her. She gazes at him, flustered. Why was he staring at her like that?

“You look really pretty in blue, Spinel,” he finally mumbles. Seems he was finally interested in playing with his little jester.

Or finally able to catch up with his White Rabbit.

Blue Pearl smacks him again. “No mumbling at the table, please.”

“Ow!” he whines, shutting an eye as he rubs his shoulder. This is why he hates Homeworld— he has to always be the exemplar, the perfect prince, always prim and proper. He couldn’t mess up at any point, or he’d be punished. Why couldn’t he just be himself?

Usually Pearl would lightly tap his shoulder when she had to correct him, but Steven was being extra-trained this time, as he was slacking off with his royal duties.

“Thank you, my Diamond,” Spinel replies. 

Steven reaches out her hand on the table and holds it, rubbing it romantically with his thumb. “Spinel, come on... I told you. It’s just Steven.”

Spinel blushes pink— but before she can even correct herself, Blue Diamond slams her hand on the table, startling them so they seperate. 

“Why, no, Pink. I’m afraid your Spinel is correct. You should be referred to as a Diamond. After all, that’s what you are. Aren’t you proud to be one?”

Steven rolls his eyes as he remembers how the Diamonds were a breed of dictators, murderers, and colonizers who tortured weaker gems for eons. So no, he was not proud to be a Diamond, in fact.

He wishes he stayed a Rose Quartz. Then he could’ve stayed a common soldier. Maybe then he’d actually be able to spend time with Spinel, who’s currently just his court jester, and has to stay as his court jester as long as she works for the Diamonds.

Steven understands why the Crystal Gems were formed so much more now, after witnessing what life on Homeworld is actually like. It’s a nightmare. 

But spending time with a good friend like Spinel... makes it a pleasant dream, he thinks. After all, this is where she lives now, and is the only place he can actually see her. The Crystal Gems... don’t really like her all that much, especially since she poisoined the planet they worked so hard to protect, and nearly killed them and their precious Diamond.

But Steven sees the good in her. Somehow.

“Yes, Blue. I am,” he coolly lies. Blue Diamond smirks and continues conversing with her Agate.

Steven watches her eat her cookie. “D’ya like it?” he asks. 

Pearl tries to smack him, correcting his improper way of speech, but Steven grips her wrist without even looking at her. She whimpers and places it down so Steven can continue his conversation with Spinel undisturbed.

“Y-Yes, I do. Thank you,” Spinel says impersonally, avoiding his gaze. 

“Spinel... are you mad at me?” he says as he places his hand over hers again, affectionately grazing her arm up and down.

Spinel stays quiet. She isn’t supposed to be talking to him so intimately like this.

”I’m sorry I abandoned you in the garden like that— I got caught up with uh,” he lies to her, as he didn’t want her to know he just went out with the Crystal Gems and Connie, “royal duties. You know how it is.” 

Spinel can’t help but frown at the painful, embarassing memory of being forced to stand still like that for Pink Diamond again. She thought he was special— that he was different from his mom. But it seems she was officially wrong. 

Steven notices that Spinel’s upset, and he looks side to side, and grazes his leg on hers very flirtatiously, trying to comfort her. 

Spinel tenses up, as shockwaves jolt through her body. “H-Huh?” She looks underneath the table... is he... caressing her leg with his?

Jeez. Pink Diamond— or Rose Quartz, better yet, sure was a player, wasn’t he. Exactly like his mommy, decades ago. 

Connie was off to cram-school nonstop, anyway.

And after all, Steven was in Wonderland now. So what’s the harm? This was probably all a dream, anyway.

Spinel stammers, unsure what to do— and Sapphire looks across from them, deadpan serious. 

Sapphire pushes a cloth napkin over to Spinel from her seat, and Spinel brings it closer to her, looking down at it.

...Why would she need another napkin? 

Finally, the teas arrive, with Yellow and Pink Pearl serving them for today. They place the cups in front of everyone to drink, and everyone gets theirs. 

Except for Spinel.

Where’s her drink? 

“You’ll get yours soon, don’t worry,” Steven says as he cups his tea, bringing it closer to his face. He softly blows on it. 

Spinel glares up at him as he does so, his tea warming his soft face, the ringlets of his hair framing his visage.

_Fuck, that’s adorable._

He’s adorable.

Steven then raises his pinky up, and drinks his tea like a true Diamond. Spinel can’t help but admire him... as much as she despised the Diamonds at this point, they truly raised him well. 

Finally, Yellow Pearl arrives with Spinel’s tea and places it in front of her. 

“I got you rose tea,” Steven says, as he takes another sip of his drink. 

Of course he would. 

Spinel... can’t help but find this whole scenario very... familiar, albeit. She would also join in on the Diamonds’ tea parties with the four of them, but instead of sitting beside them, she’d be entertaining them, usually juggling or doing tricks. 

She remembers how happy Pink Diamond was during these times, as the tea parties were not only the Diamonds’ time to unwind after a stressful day of colonizing and enforcing rules, but also the only time they spent together as the four of them like a family. It was the only time Spinel would genuinely see Pink smile and laugh, as she was outgrowing her jester tricks. 

Steven overhears Sapphire tell a joke, and he elegantly laughs, bringing the front of his silk-gloved hand to his face as his eyes are fluttered shut.

Spinel winces at the sound and the sight of him doing that. Exactly like that. 

Yellow Pearl stands behind Spinel, waiting to refill Steven’s cup. Finally, Spinel holds her tea cup to her face, and Steven watches excitedly to see her reaction. Spinel softly blows on it,  cooling it down, and holds it close to her mouth until— 

Spinel’s chair violently jolts and the scalding hot tea spills all over her face and dress, agonizingly burning her. Spinel screams in pain, covering her mouth, and everyone gasps.

And of course, Yellow Pearl is snickering behind her, as she was the one who pulled and powerfully rocked the chair for her to spill her drink. She also boiled her tea to the brim to make sure she’d get intense burns. Yellow Pearl smoothly picks up Steven’s cup as he brings his hands to his face in shock, and retreats back to the kitchen to refill it. 

Mission accomplished. 

Steven gasps— “Sp-Spinel! Are you okay?! Oh my gosh—“ he says as he holds her arm, and takes the napkin beside her to dab it on her dress. 

Oh, so that’s why Spinel needed the napkin. Thanks, Sapphire.

Guess there was no preventing Spinel pouring it all over herself like a clown in front of Steven, she supposes. 

Spinel’s face is completely hot pink, and she’s whimpering as tears flow down her face. Steven winces as he dabs her dress, trying to dry it— “Ah, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just wanted you to relax and have some fun, I’m sorry—“

He dabs her outfit, only to press against her chest— against her gem— against her breasts— she knows he means well but, ugh! And in public, too!

Blue Diamond curls her lips into a smile, and presses her napkin onto her lips to clean them. Oh, how she loved to see Spinel make a fool out of herself— especially after she heard how... close Spinel had gotten to her dearest Pink Diamond. 

The Diamonds can’t have their littlest one be driven away from them because of Spinel again, now can they?

Spinel’s lips quiver, and she’s in so, so much pain as the boiling water is on her face. She looks down, ashamed, as the elites stare at her— a jester, and a clown who was somehow sitting in the presence of two Diamonds.

She really was a clown, wasn’t she? Even her mascara was pouring down her cheeks right now, staining them black as if she were in costume. She sees Yellow Pearl snicker in the corner of the room as she watches Spinel’s “facepaint” drip. 

But still, Steven didn’t have to— he was a Diamond, after all, he was too precious to “help” and “clean after” others like this— yet he still did. Steven brings his fingers to her chin and makes her face him, dabbing her mascara away. She winces at the pain, frowning. 

Steven pours cold water which Pink Pearl had brought and dabs it on another napkin, relieving her burns. Spinel closes her eyes, sniffling. This was so embarrassing, and she just got so sad all of a sudden— to be humiliated so cruelly like this in front of elite gems she’s tries so, so hard to impress.

Spinel’s face is cleared, albeit still deeply pink, and Steven removes the wet hair on her face and puts it delicately behind her ears. He smiles at her warmly and cups her cheek, and she presses her mouth against it, giving him a weakened, subtle, kiss— he’s just so, so gentle and understanding with her. Always.

And he doesn’t care if he’s a Diamond caring for his servant— especially so kindly, without asking anything in return.

He was so wonderful.

Unlike Blue Diamond.

Blue Diamond doesn’t seem to give a fuck. She just continues talking with her subjects, talking about politics or law or whatever. 

Spinel hesitantly looks up at him, dewey-eyed— and Steven can’t help but get flustered. Spinel always looked so... aggressive to him, but today, with her wet hair framing her face, she actually looked very cute.

Spinel mumbles something, trying to thank him, but her lips hurt so, so, much, and they’re so red. She winces, shutting her eyes as she whimpers again, and Steven takes notice.

He gapes his mouth down at her and sees her burned lips, and how much pain she’s in. Steven bites his lip and furrows his brows, cringing a bit.

He... really has no choice, does he.

_Hijinks will ensue._

Steven suddenly cups Spinel’s cheeks firmer— and leans down towards her to kiss her directly on the lips— _Mmph?!?!_ — The Lapis, Aquamarine, Pearl, and Blue Lace Agate gasp at the sight.

The prince was kissing his court jester!

Sapphire saw this coming, of course. And she was _not_ happy.

Spinel muffles under his lips in shock— utterly confused as to why he’s kissing her, especially in public. Steven parts from her, their lips smacking together, and Blue Diamond seems _furious._

Steven looks down at her blushing face and sees that her lips are still burnt. So... like any benevolent kisser with healing powers would do... he cups her face and kisses her again— and again— practically making out with her in front of his superior and her subjects. Spinel is frozen in place, shocked as he kisses her so passionately in front of Blue Diamond and her court.

Mainly to piss them all off, of course. Asthey had exerted control over him and over his life so long. He thought making out with his inferior court jester in front of them at their stupid little tea party would show everyone what he’s made of— and teach them to not underestimate him anymore.

But Blue Diamond isn’t buying it. This was _her_ tea party, after all. 

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” yells Blue Diamond as she slams her palm on the table— making some of the tea spill. Sapphire had already raised her tea cup up in air, predicting that would happen, too.

Blue gets so frustrated, she sheds a tear— and soon, everyone in the room is seen sniffling in response.

Steven remained unfazed however, as he shut his eyes and kissed her one last time— their lips smacking aggressively with a pop. He wipes his wet mouth and composes himself, pretending it never happened. 

Finally, he’s done “healing” her. 

He even daintily picks up his tea cup and takes a sip, raising his pinky up like the royal Blue Diamond wanted him to always be.

Spinel looks up at him, starry-eyed. Only to realize everyone was staring at her, his stupid clown, and she quickly buries her head in her neck ashamed, looking down at her lap.

Blue Diamond summons her guards.

“Spinel. Leave immediately.”

Steven gasps— and stomps in anger— eerily similar to Pink’s old tantrums. “Huh? No!” 

But before he can protest, two Amethyst guards stride up to her and take her by the arms. She doesn’t even fight back, she just accepts defeat knowing how horribly she’ll be punished for kissing a Diamond— even if he’s the one who kissed her.

“Hey! Hey! I order you to stop!” he shouts, disturbing everyone. “Spinel, wait up!” and he tries to run after her, but Blue Pearl grabs his wrist, forcing him to stop. 

He was gonna yank his arm out of her hand— but she was so delicate, and always so kind to him— and as he looked across the room he saw everyone look at him in fear and shame and confusion and— 

“Sit down, Steven,” Blue Diamond coldly commands.

He grits his teeth in fury— only to sigh and shut his eyes. 

He gives up— and he flops back down on his seat. 

Steven looks down at his lap, pissed off— muttering unintelligibly— and glares up at Sapphire, who’s across him. 

She doesn’t seem too laugh-y right now, Sapph-y. Steven quivers his lips, embarrassed about his outburst in front of Sapphire, Blue, and their royal court. 

What was he thinking? Now he’s gonna get both him and Spinel into trouble. 

How could he be so reckless? Better yet— what is it about Spinel that makes him so reckless this way?

“Now... where were we?” concludes Blue Diamond, as Steven buries himself deeper in his seat, groaning knowing that he has to sit through the dumb tea party, knowing that Spinel was suffering because of him. 

Why the fuck did he do that?

** 

A couple of hours had passed, and Spinel was in her bedroom, crying on the couch. Steven and Sapphire were probably long-gone, as the tea party had already ended. 

There was this strange... structure placed in the room for Steven— a bed, she recalled him saying? 

She wipes her tears, asking what she did to deserve all this. She finally got her first kiss from Steven, and just as she thought this meant she was going to get her happily ever after, everything was so, so wrong. 

Why is she such an unlucky card?

She’s a clover, after all. But she doesn’t know that yet.

Spinel had just gotten a scolding from White Diamond after being dragged by the Amethysts out the tea room. 

Seems it was off with her head with Spinel, finally— the white rabbit removed from the story. 

But of course, White didn’t shatter or rejuvinate her or anything, knowing it would break Steven’s heart. 

Instead... she’ll take advantage of Steven’s new affections for his jester, and “play” around with her, herself— see how Steven feels when she sees her break her. Maybe that’ll get him to stay. 

Isn’t that wonderful? 

It was finally nighttime, and Spinel was forced out of her room to stay at Volleyball’s for some reason. She had cried into her arms into the whole night— remembering how awful the party was. How cruelly Blue Diamond and Yellow Pearl had treated her, how little the other gems cared for her when she got hurt, the pain of that horrible tea spilling on her face— and the embarassment of Steven kissing her in front of everybody, provoking this horrible chain of events to come.

She was gonna end up being a palace maid for life. Her days as a clown were no more. 

Pearl had gone out to help her Diamond prepare for “bed,” leaving Spinel alone.

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. 

Spinel stands up to rush over to it, and slowly opens the door, shyly peeking her face out. 

“Peek-a-boo,” whispered Steven warmly, looking down at her. 

Spinel tenses up— oh, no. What was he going to do to her this time. She was definitely gonna get shattered at this point because of him. Worse, locked up in the garden again for another 6,000 years. 

“Wh-Whatta you doin’ here, m-my Diamond—“ she mumbles Spinel under him as he opens the door. She sees him... in pajamas? 

“Um, what’re those?”

Steven rubs the back of his head. “Ah, um, I had a little problem... with the Gems, hah.”

“Huh?” Why would they have a problem? They were the perfect family. 

“They weren’t. Too happy about my method of healing you at the tea party,” he looks down, “so we had an argument...”

Spinel looks down at his hands to see his knuckles wrapped with band-aids. 

Spinel points down at them. “Uh...”

“Oh,” Steven clears his throat. “Um. Yeah I got a bit. Mad.” He clears his throat, averting her gaze.

“Mad? Why would ‘cha be mad?”

They were in Wonderland, after all.

“Oh, you know.... the usual,” he says slyly, leaning his elbow against the door. 

What the hell was that supposed to mean. 

“What’s tha’ usual?”

“The gems— and the Diamonds, of course— controlling every aspect of my life!” he starts to rant, pissed off. He rolls his eyes. “Not only do the Diamonds control the way I act, speak, eat, drink, and walk, but now the Gems control me too! Like who I’m with and stuff.”

“Who you’re wit’?”

“Yeah! Like with people like you,” he says enthusiastically. 

Spinel stammers— “p-people like me?”

Steven nods. “Mhm. The gems...” he chuckles awkwardly, “aren’t really too fond of you,” he mumbles as he rubs his arm, his soft sweater. 

Spinel groans, knowing exactly why. “Oh. A course.”

“Haha, yeah. But they don’t know you like I do. They see you as the same... the corrupt, violent, and murderous gem from when we first met. But you’ve changed so much, haven’t you!”

“Uh, yeah! Didn’t I tell ya, buddy?” she starts to obnoxiously sing, raising her arm up theatrically— “IIIIIIIIIIII can make a chaaaaaaaaaange!” she sings loudly— making Steven wince because of her tone-deafness.

Steven giggles, pressing his hands to her face, trying to silence her. “Shshshsh, we’ll get caught, hehe.”

Spinel flushes at the sensation of Steven’s hands over his lips... it reminds her of when he kissed her so abruptly today.

But of course, that “kiss” didn’t mean anything to him. He just did it to heal her, because he’s nice to her.

She snaps out of it— “caught? Are you gonna get in trouble?”

“Yeah... I uh, actually got kicked out of the house... because of what we did today,” he clears his throat, looking down. Ashamed.

Oh, no no no! “What! Oh no, I’ve wrecked everything!”

“It’s not your fault, Spinel,” he laughs. “You were really badly hurt— you burned your mouth drinking that thing. Like, I had to.”

Plus, it felt good to rebel against Blue Diamond like that for once.

Spinel burned her tongue, too, and it still stings... but she doesn’t tell him that.

Spinel taps her index fingers together, sadly. “B-But still. I’m real sawry you got kicked out. I didn’t think it was that bad, or that they hated me that much. I thought things were... different, now,” she sighs as she looks down. 

“I... thought so too. Living with them has been infuriating lately, especially since I’m away doing Diamond duty in Homeworld. They feel I’m drifting away from them, but that’s not true... and I think since you’re from Homeworld and so close to the Diamonds, that you’re a part of that, and you’re facilitating it.”

Spinel looks down, ashamed. She doesn’t know what to say. 

“Are you really happy here? I mean, the Diamonds are unbearable. They always control me and belittle me, and interrupt me— and, and I’m started to get why mom ran away in the first place. This palace is cursed, I swear. It’s like some witch cast a spell on it or something and everyone who steps foot here is forced to be a servant forever.”

“Don’t say that... this is your home. Wit’ Blue an’ Yellow across tha’ hallway. They’re your family,” she whispers.

Steven groans and folds his arms.

“Blue and Yellow don’t care. They never have. This is ‘Pink Diamond’s’ quarters,” he says as he rolls his eyes, “and we’re just souvenirs of her past. We can end it all right here, right now.”

“Huh?” 

“Do you want to escape Homeworld with me? We can’t do anything elaborate like fake my shattering, but we can escape— together,” he clasps her hands, looking down at her. 

“But... you’re a Diamond.”

“Not anymore, I’m not,” he says as Spinel looks down at his pajamas. 

He’s not in his princely attire anymore... he’s back to being a normal American teenage boy. Steven... wants her to run away with him?

“Soon it will be just... Steven.

What do you say, Spinel,” he concludes.

“Do you really want to work for the Diamonds forever? Don’t you want to shape your own destiny?”

Her own destiny.

Would that destiny be with Steven? 

The way he’s looking at her right now with pleading eyes... he makes her want to try. 

Spinel finally shuts her eyes.

She gives in. 

She has to make a change.

“I... I do. I guess I do. Ya know this is crazy, right?” she whispers. 

Steven firmly nods. 

“Your status... my purpose. None of it will matta’ anymore.”

Steven nods again, smiling. 

“This will change _everything_ ,” she emphasizes to him.

“I know, isn’t it exciting?!” Steven squeals, clasping his hands together. 

“We can leave our old lives behind,” Steven says as he removes her jester gloves. “We’ll both finally be fr—“

But before Steven can conclude his sentence, he sees Volleyball Pearl across the hallway looking at them, creepily smiling with one eye.

...Was she always there, listening?

_Fuck._

He sees Volleyball Pearl calmly step away— likely to tell White Diamond his plan. 

Steven bows his head down in defeat. “...Nevermind.” 

Now that the Diamonds will know he’s leaving tonight, they’ll find him and they won’t be able to go through with their plan. 

He sighs. Spinel looks at him, confused. “Huh...? Are we not goin’, Steven?” 

Steven looks back up at her hands, and puts her gloves back on. “No, I guess we’re not... and now it will be just... my Diamond again.”

“Wha—?” 

Steven looks down at Spinel.

“I’m... I’m sorry, Spinel.”

”I’ll be your knight in shining armor, and rescue you from your tower some other day... I promise.” 

Spinel opens her mouth, but before she can react, Steven raises his hand and rewinds his finger counterclockwise with his hand, reversing time.

So this is why the White Rabbit of Wonderland is always late— a little someone she knows named _Steven Universe_ keeps messing up her timelines! 

He lets go of Spinel and lets her walk backwards, back into the bedroom she shared with Pearl. He rewinds time so that Volleyball is nowhere in sight this time, so he can talk to Spinel privately.

Steven stands behind the door, now waiting for Spinel a second time, and knocks on the door. 

“Hey, Spinel. It’s me,” he says as she opens the door for him again. Steven blushes a bit to see her hair is down this time— seems she was just brushing it before retiring for the day.

“Oh!” Spinel crosses her arms to do the Diamond insignia for him. “Good evenin’, my Diamond,” she whispers a bit playfully.

“Spinel...” he lowers her hands. “Come on, no one’s watching. I made sure of it.”

And so he did, as Pearl’s all the way in her Diamond’s quarters again now.

Spinel looks to the side and gives in. She... can’t say no to Steven in those adorable pajamas.

Spinel clears her throat.

“It’s nighttime... so, what’re ya doin’ here?” she says casually, dropping the formalities finally. 

“Oh, I uh... got in a little bit of trouble with the gems, hah,” Steven replies awkwardly.

And he once again explains his situation, telling her that the gems didn’t particularly like her, and were afraid of losing Steven to Homeworld. 

“Oh... I’m sawry. So is that why you’re in that lil’ getup?”

Steven holds the bottom of his sweater and extends it, looking down at his pajamas. “Oh, this? These are my pajamas. We humans use them for sleep.”

“Sleep?”

“Yeah, I’ll explain that to you later. I just wanted to come really quickly to apologize to you.”

“Apologize fo’ what?” she says as she scratches the top of her head innocently. 

“Apologize... for taking your room. I know you’ve been staying in mom’s quarters since you’ve been living here.”

“My room? Th-That’s yo’ room, my Diamond.”

Steven chuckles at the realization. “Our room. It can be our room from now on.”

“O-Okay,” Spinel stammers, embarrassed.

“The Diamonds didn’t let you stay with me for some reason, that’s why they moved you. But we can hang out tomorrow, okay? I’ll actually be doing some more gardening and planting tomorrow. Would you like that?”

Spinel... seems to be warming up to gardens now, especially since she enjoyed that apple from Earth so much.

She smiles shyly. “Very much so, my Diamond.”

“Great. Well... I just wanted to wish you a merry, merry unbirthday to you before I left, little rabbit,” chuckles Steven, or Alice, as he tickles his White Rabbit.

Spinel giggles, and happens to show her tongue— which Steven sees is burning red. 

“Oh...”

“Huh?” Spinel sees that he stopped.

He points at her mouth. “L-Let me see your tongue for a moment,” and she hesitantly sticks it out again. 

“It’s. It’s red.”

“Oh, yeah. I used ta’ get really bad stings a couple a’ hours ago... but I don’t get ‘em anymoar,” she says loopily, clearly drunk from the medicine she took to heal it. 

Steven bends down on both of his knees. “You’re hurt. ...I-I know this is weird, b-but. Can I heal you? I’d hate to see you in so much pain, still. Especially since what happened today was my fault.”

“Your fault? Howszit your fault?”

He taps his fingers shyly. “Well... I’m the one who invited you to the tea party. Those usually end in a disaster, honestly, hah. Especially when Yellow, Blue, and White are in the same room together like that in such close proximity.”

Spinel remembers all the tantrums Pink would throw and the intense arguments the Diamonds would get into when they held those parties in Spinel’s presence. 

Yeah, that’s pretty accurate. 

“How’re ya gonna heal me? Ya got medicine from Earth or somethin’? Ooh— are tha’ apples magical?” she gasps. “Please tell me ya brought me moar apples,” she clasps her hands eagerly. 

Steven gently lowers her hands down. “Not, hah. Exactly...” he starts to lean down towards her face, dimming his vision as he flutters his eyes closed to focus. “Stand very still...”

...Huh? 

Steven cups her cheeks and kisses her— and Spinel jolts in place in surprise— but he urges her to stay still by clasping his hands harder, and she gives in. 

As Spinel’s eyes are shut, savoring the kiss, Steven gradually inserts his tongue on her mouth and presses it onto hers— but as Spinel opens her eyes in confusion— she calms down as she feels him healing her. 

Oh. That’s why he’s doing this. 

Not because he genuinely wanted to kiss her or anything. But because he has the urge to cure her as a healer. 

Okay.

Well, might as well enjoy it.

_Mmm..._

Spinel can’t help but moan a bit at his touch, and he massages her tongue one more time as he feels it’s not brittle and dry anymore, and as he parts their lips smack into a tiny— pop!

Spinel looks up at him, dazed. 

“Show me your tongue and say ahhh,” Steven says as if he were a doctor— which he practically is. Spinel does so, saying ahhh, and Steven nods in satisfaction so she closes her mouth again. 

“Perfect. All healed.”

“T-Thanks.”

“No problem. I’m sorry that was so weird and unexpected haha. I just saw you were in pain and I had to, ya know?”

Spinel nods. Guess he took these little makeout sessions as impersonally as possible then. He had Connie, after all. He’s probably done weirder things as a healer.

It’s the least he could do for resetting the timeline that could’ve saved her from a lifetime of servitude.

“Well. Goodnight,” Steven pats his thighs as he stands up again.

Spinel remembers what Blue Lace Agate taught her today— and applies this knowledge to her superior. This’ll totally impress him, she thinks! 

“Y-e-e-es, your _majesty_!” Spinel says as she leans down and curtsies for him— but there’s a silence.

Steven just stares down at her awkwardly. He cups his hands to his face and bursts out laughing— “Pffffffff—“

Spinel looks up at him, embarrassed. Did she do it wrong?

Steven calms down after his giggle fit, and prompts the White Rabbit to stand up for him normally.

“It’s... just Steven.” 

Nevertheless, Spinel remembers that she needs to be as formal as possible with her Diamond— and with that, she continues to treat him that way: even in her letters. 

That explains why Steven stopped writing to her for four months when she left Homeworld. She was just so robotic and distant, he lost interest as all the letters were about royalty and politics or whatever.

What a shame.

Steven waves as he walks backwards down the hall back into his quarters, with Spinel saluting him with the Diamond insignia one last time. He turns around to face forward, and makes his way inside.

Spinel leans against the door and dreamily sighs.

He tasted like rosewater, like his tea.

And oh, was she _mad_ for him again.


	51. Innocent, Loving, Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven visits Spinel during his lunch break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLASHBACK!!!!!!!  
> this takes place after “sunshine” the morning after stevinel slept together for the first time
> 
> probs one of my fav chapters ahhh
> 
> [proofread]
> 
> OKAY THANK YOU :)

𝐋𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖.

“Mm.. mff...”

...Huh?

“Mmngh, mph, mff, mmmh.”

Wh-What’s that noise?

“Ah, ahm.. mm, mm, ah, ngh...”

Hey, what?

Steven flutters his eyes open to see him sprawled on his bed, his fluffy, disheveled hair against his pillow. 

Last night... he dreamt he had slept with Spinel for the first time. He... had been having these fantasies about her since they kissed, actually— but this one felt _so_ realistic. 

He swears he can hear Spinel’s phantasmagoric sighs and moans from his dream right now. 

“Steeh...he-ven, mgh, mnn.”

Who said his name?

Steven quietly shifts his head to the side, his cheek pressing against the pillow— his vision is still a bit blurry as he just woke up— but he _swears_ he can see Spinel beside him on the bed, shifting in place. 

Huh? 

He flutters his eyelashes rapidly now, trying to orient himself— only to see Spinel under the covers facing him, with a moving arm down her crotch, jerking off— her eyes are closed shut and she’s biting her lip tightly, trying to contain her moans as not to wake him. 

“Mmmhhh... ahm, ngh, mgh, ah, ah—“ she sighs, across from him, unbeknownst to her that the person she was masturbating to was wide awake, watching her.

Oh, stars.

It... wasn’t a dream at all, was it. He. He actually did sleep with her last night. 

And it was incredible. 

Steven stays perfectly still as not to disturb her, praying to the moon goddess statue behind them that she doesn’t open her eyes to see him there, observing her. 

Spinel buries her face into the pillow, muffling her noises so he doesn’t hear her, whining as she flicks her arm fast and faster— Steven can practically hears her moisture squishing out of her, the sound competing with her pants. 

“Ahmm, ah—! Ahmm— ahm, ah—-“ she cries, and Steven’s pupils dilate at the sound and sight.

How long has she been doing this in front of him? 

And why does it come so naturally to her, as if it wasn’t the first time she did this?

Spinel presses her head harder into the cushion, groaning and moaning excessively, rubbing herself in rapid, flimsy circles deeper and deeper— “Ah, mm, Steven—“ he gapes his mouth at the mention of his name— “Ah, ah, ah—!” until she finally comes into her hands, trembling at the sensation as liquid gushes out of her.

She heavily sighs as she weakly shifts her body to face the ceiling, panting heavily. Her chest is rising up and down as sweat trails down her forehead. Her eyes are barely open, as she exhausted herself completely doing that so extremely— and then she drifts back to sleep, lightly snoring with her mouth partly open.

Spinel...

Was. Pleasuring herself to him? 

Her... _best friend?_

Steven brings his hands to his face as he quietly gasps. That’s... that’s insane. 

Oh, Spinel was not the girl he expected at all. He knew she was weird, but not this weird. 

And she was so, so, no innocent.

He. He didn’t realize her feelings for him were advancing so rapidly— and so intensely— and so, so sexually. He thought they were just. Friends with benefits, of sorts. After all, he had acted as a mannequin for her before. 

Two friends relieving stress together after a long day— that was all. Very impersonal, casual sex that would never be spoken of again. 

Yet here she was, reliving the memory of them sleeping together, treasuring the moment they shared by trying to reenact it with her fingers.

Steven brings his hand to his forehead as he faces the ceiling himself. What the hell had he done? He’s burning red as his cheeks flush at the possible future. 

What about Connie?

Connie abandoned you, Steven. She doesn’t treat you well, and she doesn’t want you around anymore.

Interrupting his thoughts, Steven’s phone vibrates— and he quickly grabs it to get a look at the time. He squints as the bright light shines in his face, the room slightly dim as the sun rises.

It was 7 AM— he was meant to be volunteering at the Homeschool today, and he almost forget, getting so distracted with Spinel last night. 

He gradually slides off the bed, as not to wake her— and he stands up to see his penis erect under his underwear.

Oh, yeah, they definitely slept together last night.

It was just so satisfying, he thought it was a dream. 

Steven pull up his underwear higher, allowing them to tightly hug his hips. 

How the fuck was he gonna get rid of this erection.

This day was going to be a nightmare, now.

Steven turns around to see that Spinel had shifted to the side, exposing her back to him, resting peacefully. 

He can see the scratches on her back after he had gone pink on her. 

He sighs. His Diamond form probably appeared because it still saw Spinel as an enemy, especially since she would bite his ears and dig her nails into his skin. 

She looks so... surprisingly delicate for once, though, now that he takes a moment to look at her so still. A ray of sunlight is on her face, he sees as she shifts her face to the side.

Sunshine.

He can’t help but feel guilty for being so mean with her when they first met. But can you blame him? She tried to ruin his happily ever after— when he was so, so desperate for it finally after so many years of trauma, loss, and pain.

But now things are changing, just when he thought she was out of the picture, she’s returned to him— as his lover. 

Steven goes to his drawer and puts his shirt and pants on, and then puts on his varsity jacket. 

He packs his bags and takes his keys, and he was about to head to the door, but he sees Spinel groan and move positions. 

She was lying on her back, and her breasts were exposed, revealing their little secret. 

Steven sighs, as he cannot have Pearl or anyone walk in on her naked like this. 

Steven inches closer to Spinel and bends down on the floor beside her, and once again she shifts to the side to face him. 

Seems she wasn’t the most restful  sleeper. He’s heard her cry in her sleep sometimes, actually— as she has frequent nightmares, likely about her past abuse. 

Steven looks at her and her black scars that make her look oh, so violent. But as he takes a closer look at her soft skin, her rosy cheeks, and her pretty lashes, he sees how deceptive they are now. 

She really does look like a doll, even in this monstrous form. 

Steven raises his hand and starts tickling her nostrils. She furrows her brow and wrinkles her nose, waking up. She slowly opens her eyes to see Steven kneeling in front of her.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he whispers, smiling warmly at her. 

“Hi,” she says as she rubs her eye with a fist. “...I’m ‘sposed ta’ call you, that, sunshine,” she mutters.

“Well...” he taps his index fingers shyly together. “I think you’re becoming my sunshine, too, hm.” 

Spinel can’t help but blush, stammering quietly— unsure what to say.

Steven takes a folded t-shirt from her nightstand and holds it in front of her. “I need you to put on a shirt before I go to work, Spinel. Raise your hands up.” 

And so she does, a bit begrudgingly as she felt so comfortable and free to be topless, but she understands that they don’t live alone. Steven puts the t-shirt over her head, letting her put her arms through the holes, and covers her chest and stomach. Steven thoughtfully tugs down the bottom of the shirt so she’s fully dressed, prepared for any random Amethyst or Pearl-break in. 

Pearl usually likes to make his bed and do his laundry, and Amethyst frequently plays with his video game console and raids his comic book collection. 

“Thanks, buddy,” mumbles Spinel, twiddling her fingers with the t-shirt, looking down.

Steven nears her face and pecks her on the cheek, cupping her face briefly, “I’ll see you tonight, okay,” he says as he puts his bag behind his back and grunts as he stands up again. Spinel waves goodbye as he heads out and closes the door gently behind him. 

Hope he comes back. 

Spinel drifts back to sleep, and grabs hold of Steven’s pillow, bringing it to her cheek and face. She nuzzles against “him,” trying to imagine him cuddling with her.

He wishes he had cuddled with her all night. Guess that sex was meant to be taken impersonally, then. No actual after-sex romance. 

She’s determined to change the dynamic of their relationship tonight. 

A couple hours had passed and it was almost 11pm. Spinel stretches and yawns— and lifts herself up from the bed. She reaches her hands up to the sky— extends her limbs so she touches the ceiling, and then retracts them back to touch her toes, folding her back. 

She... admits she was in a bit of pain from what they did together last night, with Steven so violently aggressive with her.

Did he really hate her that much? 

As Spinel gets properly dressed, she thinks about their first time... and can’t help but wonder why Steven reacted to her that way— he usually only turned pink when he was incredibly angry or defensive, or feels he’s in danger.

Was what Spinel did to him... an attack? Was she a danger to him? 

Spinel headed down the stairs to see Garnet sitting down on the dining room table, staring at her. 

Guess she knows what’s going on. Of course she does, she’s part-Sapphire. 

Garnet... didn’t seem to particularly like Spinel. Especially since she tried to kill Steven. And destroyed the planet she loved. And came between him and Connie, who she’s known and loved for so long, practically raising her alongside Steven. 

Spinel was like... an abomination to her. And _she’s_ the fusion. 

Spinel shakes her head as she catches her uh, heterophobia. It was hard for Spinel to outgrow her past prejudices, living among elites for so long. Every day at the palace she’d hear of fusions being shattered, punished for tainting the natural order of life on Homeworld. 

But ironically, it was her Diamond that changed all of that. For the better, surprisingly.

Spinel was about to just leave the house and head into town or something, but Garnet cuts her just as she was about to open the door. 

“It won’t work out.”

Spinel flinches as her hand hovers over the doorknob. And then she slowly turns around, feigning a smile in order to seem pleased to see her. “...Hm?” she says cheerfully.

“You and Steven. It won’t work out,” she says as she crosses her arms and leans back on her seat. The room is dead silent. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard,” recalling Pearl’s criticism of their relationship. “What’s it to ya, cotton candy?” she jeers, gritting her teeth as she rolls her eyes. A total change in demeanor, back to her joker self.

“You’re wasting your time with him. I suggest you return to the Diamonds immediately. You’re better off there.”

Spinel scoffs. “Oh, so you get ta’ flee Homeworld, escape your duties as an oracle an’ a soldier fo’ the Diamonds, but I don’t!” Spinel points to herself. “I’m one a Pink’s lost treasures, don’t cha remember? And guess what! He’s Pink Diamond, and I’m still his lil’ treasure, and you ain’t gettin rid a me that easy, toots! No amount a fancy-fortune tellin’ is gonna get me ta’ stay away from ‘im!” Spinel says as she aggressively opens the door and slams the door behind her rudely. Garnet remains perfectly still, unfazed by the sound. 

That little girl is in _big_ trouble. 

Spinel storms out, muttering angrily to herself after her confrontation with Garnet. Oh, she thinks she’s SO perfect, because she’s the perfect fusion and the first successful one! She thinks she’s SO perfect, because she helped Steven save the galaxy, end Homeworld’s tyranny and raised him! She thinks she’s SO perfect, because she’s the mother-figure of a Diamond— and the most benevolent and compassionate one at that! 

Spinel shakes her head at the mention of that. 

Benevolent. And compassionate. 

When... did that become her thing? She scoffs, holding her palm against her chest. W-When did she get a thing for— for wimps— and cowards— and losers— and, and, goody-two shoes like Steven Universe? She thought she liked bad boys, ones that wear leather jackets and spiked boots, and dyed their hair, and wore eyeliner, and had piercings, and were way hotter and taller than Steven. What the hell happened to that? 

Spinel walks towards Beach City as she tries to figure everything out— why she likes Steven anyway. When she met him, he was so fucking full of himself. First thing he does is brag to her about how he “eStAbLisHeD pEaCe acRoSs tHe gAlAxY” or whatever the fuck. She’s heard the story— over and over again, and she was beyond sick of it. 

But now... 

Why has it become her favorite one? 

Why— why does she love hearing of Steven’s amazing feats? All the enemies he’s defeated, all the battles he’s fought, the planets he’s liberated, the people he’s saved... why does she love this new story of his?

And— and why does she have such a massive crush on a stupid, innocent, loving, chubby boy with a stupid pink jacket? With dumb fluffy hair? And—and fuzzy eyebrows? Who  solves everything with some stupid, sappy song? He was so not her type. 

Not to mention, he looks exactly like his mother. No, he BELONGS to his mother, her abuser. She promised to never be like, or be with someone like, his mother. Why the fuck was she getting attached to her— AGAIN? After EVERYTHING she did to her. 

And why does Steven make it all better? What is it about him that makes Spinel fall head-over-heels for him, so pathetically?

And when did she get so _LOVING?_ Bleh!

Spinel... needs to find a way to cool down, she thinks. She has to get her mind off of him, now. Spinel walks through the streets of Beach City and stumbles upon some... bakery. 

She could use something sweet to replace the taste of Steven in her mouth, especially after last night. 

But before she goes in, she kicks the trashcan in frustration, trying to blow off steam. 

A ruby guard turns around and faces her, and Spinel _eeps!_

“F-Fuck, sorry. Won’t do that again,” she stammers, picking the trash can back up. 

Spinel then enters the bakery and sees a cured gem running it, standing behind the counter. She seems to be talking to another gem, her co-worker.

“Oh, have you heard from him? I hear he’s on another adventure across the galaxy!”

“Ah, yeah, the commander’s already returned today! I just saw him this morning.”

“Oh, oh! What did he look like? He always dresses so handsomely.”

“You know... his signature leather jacket and boots.”

Spinel overhears as she waits in line. Leather... jacket... and... boots? 

“He actually got new piercings, too. He looks so, so hot!”

The girls squeal excitedly at the mention of Lars. 

...Piercings? 

“He’s so tall , too! I can’t believe he’s like, 5’8.” 

“Really? I thought he was taller! And, and so so athletic—“ 

And he’s tall, too? Steven’s only like, 5’6” or something. And she’s only one or two inches shorter. Embarassingly short, though he seems to be getting taller with age. 

Spinel... can’t help but feel curious about this mystery-guy. She thinks she deserves better, especially after everything she’s been through. Maybe she could use some time with the bad boys! Steven’s kinda boring sometimes, playing teacher and all.

As Spinel’s up next, she leans behind the counter coolly. “So uh, who’s this hottie you ladies keep fussin’ ova’, eh? Mind givin’ me the details— what’s his name? Does he like games? What kinda games—?” she rambles on, pressing them for information. 

The gem at the counter giggles. “Oh, you’re interested in him too, are you! Well... that’s a secret!”

Spinel growls. “What! So you can take him all fo’ yoself, is that it, freak?!” she slams her hand on the counter. 

“Well... it seems that many gems want to take him for themselves. He’s the talk of the town!”

“The hottest guy in Beach City. He dyes his hair and everything!”

“Dyes his skin too, probably!”

He— he dyes his hair, and tans his skin? Oh, that’s hot. 

Spinel orders her coffee and a box of cupcakes for him and Steven. She wants to surprise him when he gets home. She rolls her eyes as the gems continue fawning over the guy they refuse to tell her the name of— seems he’s the real gem around here, despite being human.

“Good luck with wooing him, you’ll need it,” giggles one of the girls as Spinel walks out the door. 

Spinel groans as she slams the door behind her, breaking the bell. 

“Fuckin’ asswipes.” 

Spinel steps up the stairs up the beachhouse, with cupcakes in hand. Guess she has to forget about that mystery bad-boy for the time being, then— even if she’ll miss his tan skin, dyed hair, piercings, and punk fashion. She sighs dreamily as she opens the door. 

Steven’s sitting down with Amethyst, eating lunch. Her legs are hiked up on the table as she has a toothpick in her mouth. 

“Steven!” gasps Spinel romantically as she forms hearts around her eyes. Strangely enthusiastic to see him, Amethyst notes.

There she was again, falling for the innocent, loving, stupid loser dressed in pink.

Steven clears his throat awkwardly. 

“Oh, hey Spinel,” he replies aloofly and coldly. He goes back to face Amethyst, his other friend, totally ignoring her.

He looks... detached, all of a sudden. 

Does. Does he not like her anymore?

Is he pretending they didn’t sleep together last night?

Is it over?

Spinel nears the table. 

“...You ain’t happy ta’ see me?” she says sadly. 

“Sure?” he mumbles, leaning his hand on his cheek as his elbow is on the table, distracted with Amethyst. 

Spinel sits on the sole seat on the end of the table beside him. “I brought you cupcakes!” she says weakly, placing them on the table, sliding them to them. 

“Amethyst can have some too, of course,” she adds, knowing she has to get on Amethyst’s good side if she wants to stay here with them.

“Uh... thanks, Spinel. I’m... kind of laying low on sweets, but it’s cool,” Steven  says.

...Spinel?

He... doesn’t want to call her Sunshine anymore? Is he that embarassed to be with her, he can’t even give her harmless nicknames in front of Amethyst?

And he doesn’t want her cupcakes? She thought he loved cupcakes. 

“You don’t like it?” she whispers, but nobody hears her. Spinel swears she’s tearing up, her lip quivering as she buries herself into her seat.

She feels so stupid. To innocently think he could actually love her. 

Why does Spinel feel so... innocent, loving, and stupid, too, all of a sudden?

As Spinel sits, there’s an awkward silence. She twiddles her thumbs together, unsure how to break the ice. 

“So... what have you guys been up to?” she finally asks. 

“Oh, you know,” Steven replies. “The usual.”

Spinel was about to respond, but Amethyst’s feet slam onto the ground, making Spinel flinch.

“Ooh, I’m gonna head into my place n’ get somethin’ real quick. Feel like eatin’ some fries from like five months ago before eatin’ these cupcakes. Brb,” says Amethyst as she hops off the chair, and puts her arms behind her head, stretching. She goes into her room. 

Spinel sees the door close behind her, and puts her elbow on the table, unable to face Steven. 

He... doesn’t like her, anymore, does he. That was quick. 

Of course he’d end up doing this. He’s Pink Diamond’s son— he just sees Spinel as some disposable playmate.

Why was he so cold to her?

Suddenly, Spinel feels something tug at her hand, pulling her— Ah!— and she finds her cheeks between Steven’s hands as he cups them, his lips pressed against her mouth. “Mmfff!?” 

He kisses her passionately, shifting angles as he explores her face. His eyes are shut, but Spinel’s eyes are widened in confusion. W-Why is he kissing her! She thought he moved on for good! 

Steven deepens the kiss one last time, and ejects himself from her— making a pop!— noise as they abruptly part. Spinel’s in a total daze, as that was completely unexpected. 

“Wuh... huh?”

“Hi, sunshine!” he says cheerfully, leaning in to kiss her sweetly on the cheek. Steven then repositions himself on his chair to sit on his knees, humming as he kicks his legs up and down flirtatiously, admiring her as she eats her cupcake. 

“H-Huh? Ya... ya ain’t mad?” Spinel asks, bewildered by his change in attitude towards her.

“Mad?” he innocently asks as he pokes his chubby cheek with his finger. “Why would I be mad at my— best friend?!” he laughs adorably.

Oh, brother. 

He’s got it bad for her.

Now he’s the true innocent, loving, and stupid one— and it’s all because of her.

Steven watches her take a bite out of her cupcake, and as he sees that frosting got on her lips, he nears her face. 

Spinel stands frozen as he stares directly at her. “I— I—“

“You got a little something there,” he mutters as he takes a bit of frosting from her lip, and brings it to his mouth to taste it. Spinel looks to the side, embarrassed.

“Oh! That’s so good! Is this from Lars’ bakery?” asks Steven as he sees Spinel take another bite, trying to distract herself from Steven’s strange behavior.

“L-Lars...?” she muffles behind her cupcake—“Is that—“

But Steven quickly interrupts— “can I have some more?” 

“Oh, uh, mm—shore—“ she says as she opens the box, finishing chewing hers. “Do ya want choclit’, or vanilla—“ she points at them as they’re neatly stored inside. 

“I want yours.” 

“M-Mine?” she shakily holds her cupcake, or what’s left of it, up to him to take it. “Um, okay?”

He slowly pushes it down, away from  him... only to lean closer to her face. 

“—Uh? Univers’? Y-You’re gettin’ a little close, there,” she stammers as he’s extremely close to her lips. 

“...Call me sunshine,” he mutters under closed eyes as he kisses her again— only to lick her lips for a moment to get the frosting off her face— and to suck at them again just to kiss her profoundly. 

“Mmph—“ Spinel mumbles under his pressed lips, surprised— when did he get so romantic?! 

Steven moans as he savors the kiss— and slyly takes the cupcake from her hand. “...Hm?” 

He then dabs more frosting on his finger and rubs it on her face as he parts— “Whoops! You got a little something there!” he jests. 

Spinel gasps— “H-Hey!” she tries to rub it off with her hand, but he just puts more on her face— “Steveeen!” she whines, and he laughs. “Now I have ta’ go ta’ tha’ bathroom and clean this mess.” 

“O-kay... don’t take too long!” he hums, fluttering his fingers as he waves goodbye to her as she walks towash her face. 

Amethyst opens her door and makes it back to the dining room table, flopping back down on her seat. “Um, where’s Spinel?” Amethyst says as she chugs motor oil with her expired fries. 

Um. Okay. 

“Noooo idea,” Steven mumbles, as he lifts himself up the table, his hands against the corner— “I’m gonna head to the bathroom,” he says as he whistles, making his way to the bathroom where Spinel is. 

He quietly opens the door, and quickly shuts it behind him to see Spinel in front of the sink. He bites his lip, looking behind him to hear if Amethyst might have noticed. 

Spinel gasps— “Steven!” she whispers. “You can’t be in here!” she says as she turns around— only for him to hover over her, forcing her to lean her back against the sink, pressing her hands on it.

“I—I,” she stammers, flustered to see him on top of her like this. He’s so different from before! 

“Sh-Shouldn’t you be back at the Homeschool, haha?” she chuckles awkwardly, trying to distract him.

“Lunchbreak doesn’t end until two,” he murmurs as he softly cups her face, leaning down to kiss her. 

Spinel... finally gives in and closes her eyes to savor the kiss— as he tastes so, so sweet. Mainly because of the cupcakes they shared, of course. 

“Mmm,” sighs Spinel under fluttered lashes. Steven inserts more pressure onto her, furrowing his brows in focus, and cups her cheeks harder, intensifying the kiss. He then inserts his moist tongue inside hers, wrapping her tongue against hers, encircling his lips over hers repeatedly as they make multiple soft smacking noises together, making out. 

Spinel gives in and wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer as she leans. They sigh into eachother, their breaths fanning eachother. As he kisses her, he lifts her up by the waist and sits her on the counter. He then sensually pulls down her pants. 

“St-Steven,” Spinel urges. Amethyst is right outside! she whispers. 

“Shhhh, she won’t hear a thing,” Steven guarantees her as he briefly parts with her and scooches towards the shower, turning it on. He shifts it to the hottest setting— creating a sauna in the bathroom. He takes off his jacket and throws it to the bathroom floor. 

He returns to Spinel, and lifts her chin to dig into her neck, trailing kisses up and down it. “Ahm...”

Spinel whines as he presses deeper into her, sucking at her skin— he grazes her waist and pulls her closer, as he encircles her neck multiple times with his tongue. As the steam fills the bathroom, Spinel finds herself panting, doused in sweat— Steven’s moisture pressing against hers as both of their shirts are getting soaked.

“Getting hot in here, isn’t it,” he mumbles, cracking a smile. Spinel scoffs and rolls his eyes. Oh, that’s why he turned on the shower. He wants his little jester to perform for him nude, is it? 

Well two can play at that game. 

Spinel twists the faucet behind her and turns on the water the coolest setting, and rubs cold water on her face. 

“Hey! Not fair,” he whines, as he grips her ass, pulling her closer. They proceed their makeout— Steven lightly sucking the cold water on her face, refreshing himself from the heat— and then he lets the water from the faucet fall on his hands, only for him to rub his hands on her bare shoulders, as she’s in a tank top. 

“Ah,” Spinel sighs in relief, as it relaxes her. It’s getting absurdly humid in the bathroom as the shower runs at the hottest setting, and Spinel cups more water in her hand as she sees Steven’s face is doused in sweat, his curly hair absolutely soaked after a few minutes in the heat. She pours it on his forehead, cooling him off as he grinds against her, fumbling with her puffy shorts, which are wet, seeped into her skin. 

“Come on, Spinel, I know you’re dying to take it off,” he mutters as he starts pulling down her pants— and her breath hikes as he does so. She clasps his shoulders, looking away. “Mmmn... okay.” 

As he pulls them down, Spinel sighs in relief to finally be freed. Spinel sees that he himself is soaked, so she lifts up his wet t-shirt and he lifts his arms up, exposing his hairy armpits, soft abs and bare chest— his stomach revealing little rolls of fat.

Sure, Spinel’s cheeks were red before because of the heat. 

But now they’re absolutely crimson. 

She’s still not used to seeing Steven like this, she thinks. Wh-Why does she like soft, chubby guys so much?!

Steven blushes, embarassed to be shirtless in front of her again. “I. I’ve been gaining weight again recently. Sorry,” he mumbles under his breath, fiddling with the rim of her tank top.

Oh, he’s embarrassed. 

He’s so cute! Ugh. 

Spinel clears her throat, looking away. “Mm. You. You look nice,” she mutters, holding her breath. Real nice. 

Oh, she really has a thing for soft,  chubby guys, doesn’t she. She was so, so wrong about her type. 

She feels so conflicted, knowing she was so interested in that mystery guy this morning. Seems like she had two different types.  


She swears, she herself is like two different people sometimes.

Suddenly, Steven changes the subject.

“I’m. I’m sorry,” he sighs, looking down at his fiddling hands. 

Huh? “Sorry fo’ what?” she asks.

“For being so... mean to you,” he winces. “When we first met.”

“Mean ta’ me?” she shifts her head, perplexed. She didn’t really notice. Then again, she’s so blindly lovesick for him, she’ll perceive anything he does as an act of romantic love. 

Steven quickly nods, a bit sad. “Mhm—“ his lips quiver as his eyes get glossy at the memory of him treating her so coldly. “You don’t remember, because you were rejuvinated. But I was really, really mean to you.”

Spinel stays silent as he talks, listening intently.

“When you were rejuvinated to your original form, you. You were super friendly towards me.  Real friendly. You’d always hang onto me, and hold my hand, and treat me so nice, maybe too nice— yet I pushed you aside. Ignored you. Totally took you for granted.”

Spinel looked up at him, furrowing her brows. 

“I-I thought you were annoying. And loud. And hyperactive and—and clingy. And touchy. I saw you as a nuisance, or something,” he mumbles. “You always wanted to tag along with me, keep me company, but I tried to reject you.”

“But I see now that you just wanted a friend,” he says as he caresses her arm. “You just wanted to be a friend. A better friend than you were to my mom,” he says as he finally makes eye contact with her. “A best friend.”

“You...” he exhales. “Even before I realized it, you could recognize that I was... kind of sad. And— and alone.”

“You were? But you were so— so pent up about your lil’ happily ever afta’,” she responds, almost rolling her eyes. 

“I was. But,” he chuckles, holding her hands. “Ironically, I was sad, and alone because of you.”

She can’t help but avert his gaze and look down. But still, she wants to know. “Why.”

“Because... you tried to ruin my happily ever after, with your injector. Destroy my planet, poison Beach City. And with your rejuvinator. Wipe my friends’ memories. Reset my powers. Leave me to die alone, in... a, uh barren world,” he says solemnly, repeating what she said once.

Fuck.

Spinel leans her head against his chest, shutting her eyes, wincing. “I’m. I’m sawry,” she cringes, scrunching up her face in pain, embarrassment, and shame.

“Spinel, it’s okay. You weren’t you.”

Spinel opens her eyes and shoves him, pushing him back. “NO! IT’S NOT OKAY!” 

Steven leans against the wall, looking down at her. “IT’S NOT! I-I’M A HORRIBLE FUCKING PERSON!” she screams, losing her accent in front of him for the first time. 

She— she’s changed? 

“Spinel, no y—“

“STOP LYING!” she says as she aggressively pulls at her pigtails, hurting herself as black tears stream down her face. She whines in pain. 

“Hey, hey, don’t hurt yourself—“ he says as he reaches towards her, but she slaps his hand away. “NO.”

Steven brings his hands to his mouth, stammering. “I-I’m sorry, I-I said the wrong thing. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” 

But that just makes Spinel whine even more, crying as her eyes are closed shut. “You’re not the one who’s supposed ta’ be apologizing. I am.” 

Spinel starts to groan louder, and slams her hands into her face, slapping herself. “WHY! WHY! WHY! WHY AM I— NGHHHRR— LIKE THIS!” she says as she hits herself repeatedly, bringing back her accent. She goes harder and harder— “WHY! WHY! WHY! I-I WISH I WERE DEAD! I WISH I WERE DEAD! YOU SHOULDA’ KILLED ME ON TOP A THA’ INJECTOR WHEN YOU HAD THA’ CHANCE! YOU SHOULDA’ RESET ME WHEN YOU HAD MY REJUVINATA’! I’D BE BETTA’ AWFF DEAD! DEAD! DEAD!  AGH! AGH! AGH!” she says as she smacks herself more, her cheeks black with mascara stains. 

Steven finally gets a glimpse of what Spinel’s temper tantrums in front of his mother looked like for the first time. 

Steven gasps as his heart drops seeing her hurt herself like this— “oh sweetie, no no no no no, don’t say that,” he whispers softly as he rushes towards her— she tries to push him away, but he takes her wrists and binds them between his hands. “Mhhggggr!” she cries, unable to face him as she struggles to free herself. She’s such a waste of space, she thinks. Why didn’t Steven kill her.

She breaks down.

“NOBODY!— NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ME!” she blurts out. “NOT EVEN THE DIAMONDS!” 

“What?! The Diamonds love you!” he scoffs. What the heck is she talking about?!

“NO, THEY DON’T,” she whines. “THEY LOVE YOU. I’M JUST A REPLACEMENT!” she shuts her eyes as she screams.

“YEAH, WELL, SO AM I!!!” he screams louder, making the light on top of the bathroom shake. 

...Huh?

Spinel blinks her moist eyes and stops. “H-Huh? B-But you’re—“

“NOT MY MOM. I’m. I’m not. My mom,” he confesses. “M’ not my mom, mhhh—” he gives in, breaking down crying against her chest. “Mmnn.. I’m not.”

Spinel shakily grabs hold of him. “Steven...”

“I’m a replacement, just like you, s-sunshine. That’s... —hic— something we have in c-common,” he mutters, trembling in her grasp. 

“Every time I’m with them, they tell me how much they wish she were alive. How much I look like her. How much I remind them of her, —hic. But I’m not her. I’m so, so, so much worse.”

How funny, she thought. Just as she thought they were wildly different. 

“Sunshine...” she says as she caresses his hair, quivering her lip. “You’re nothin’ like her... you’re betta’ than her.” 

“S-Shut up—“ he whines, coughing weakly. “You’re lyin’.”

“I’m not,” she says as she nuzzles against his ear, leaning in to whisper to him, making him shudder as she fans his cheek.

“You’re so, so, so, much betta’.”

Steven whimpers, shakily fondling her hair, trying to comfort her— comfort _himself_ as tears stream down his face and he’s so, so weak. “Mmn— mnrnr...” he whines. Spinel... 

Spinel wraps her arms around him, pulling him into a hug as she leans against his chest. 

The water is still running, making them so wet they’re pressing tightly against eachother as they’re soaked under the intense humidity.

“Even though you forgot everything,” he continues. “And you were wiped of your memories like the gems were,” he says. 

“You had no idea what was happening or what I was going through, but you still knew I needed someone. You knew I was sad, and alone. You knew I needed a friend,” he chokes. “A—“ he coughs— “a new best friend,” finally crying.

Spinel herself starts to whimper, tearing up again. She sniffles as she scrunches her nose like a rabbit, squinting her eyes as they water. “Steven...”

“And, and now you’ve done it again, somehow,” he adds. 

“Huh?”

“Yeah. You didn’t. You didn’t know I was sad and alone because Connie left. I never told you my friends were moving and drifting away from me. You didn’t know I was having problems with the gems. You didn’t know anything about what I was going through. But still, you could sense it, and you came to support me. It’s amazing.”

Spinel’s heart stops.

“You’re amazing,” he finally concludes. 

“Why... are you so nice ta’ me. Treat me betta’. Still want me around. Despite everything.” She winces, getting agitated. “Is, is it because you’re so sanctimonious, you wanna show off how you’ve bravely befriended the village witch, huh? Or how you tamed tha’ beast, or healed tha’ evil monsta’, huh, huh? Am I your little trophy? Your treasha?” she raises her voice, intensifying her accent to intimidate Steven, trying to finally get an answer out of him.

But Steven instead gives her a light, playful slap on the cheek, snapping her out of it. “Just shut up and kiss me, Spinel.” 

Spinel gasps— and so they lunge into eachother, kissing eachother as passionately as ever. Spinel wraps her arms around his neck again, and the two turn their heads, exploring multiple angles as they press and twist their tongues against eachother, sighing into eachother in unison. Steven deepens the kiss, concluding it as their lips smack apart. Spinel’s lip is practically bruised from all the pressure. 

He looks down at her— at her black face, drenched in tears and mascara and rosacea— “pfff—“ and he just laughs. 

Spinel flickers her eyes rapidly in confusion. “H-Huh, huh? Wha—?” 

Steven cups her cheeks and blows raspberries on her cheek—- “Pbbbbbtbhhhhhhhtttttt—-“ and she giggles, “sto-hop, you’re ticklin’ me!” she says as she fidgets in her seat. 

Steven finally parts with her— making a pop! sound against her wet skin, and his face itself is black. Spinel notices him as he goes back to position, hovering over her, and subtly points at him, cracking up— “you got a lil’— you got somethin’ on your f-face, pfff—“ she cackles, giggling hysterically.

“Huh?” Steven quickly shifts his head to the side and looks at the mirror, only to see himself covered in mascara. 

“Oh, ha, ha,” he boyishly rolls his eyes, scoffing. “Really hilarious.” 

Steven steps back, only to hear a _plop!_ noise as he touches the floor. 

It was a puddle.

A giant puddle, all over his bathroom floor. Steven groans as he looks down at his wet flip flop, and Spinel just brings her hands to her mouth, trying not to laugh again. 

Steven amusingly and comedically groans for Spinel, trying to make her giggle, cheer her up— and he goofily makes his way to the tub— making her crack up even more, to shut it off.

They were so silly together.

What can I say? They were innocent, loving, and stupid. 

“I’ll... clean that later.” Steven then grabs a box of wipes from the cabinet, and nears Spinel— he grabs her by the waist to carry her— letting her wrap her legs around him as he brings her palm to his chest— and heads out the door, kicking it behind him. 

Thankfully, Amethyst was long gone, so he just carries Spinel up the stairs to his room, gripping her thigh, to lay her on the bed. 

Spinel shuts her eyes for a moment as she sprawls her arms across the bed, stretching after having sat in the same position for so long. Steven flops beside her, wipes in hand, and hovers over her face. 

“Hiiii, sunshine,” mumbles Spinel as she smiles under her black face. 

“Hi, sunshine,” he replies, wiping her face. She shuts her eyes squeamishly as he cleans her. He’s done, and Spinel takes the wipes as he flops down on the bed beside her, leaning on his palm, his elbow on the mattress. He faces her, prepared for his royal facial.

Spinel delicately cleans his face, as he smiles at her. Spinel was so brash, so aggressive— but here she was, caring for him oh, so gently. 

She almost concludes, and as Spinel dabs his cheek one last time, he cups her face and prompts her to come closer, bringing them into one final kiss, making a light smacking noise as they part. 

Spinel leans her cheek on the bed, facing him as they lie in bed together. His stomach presses against the bed, extending his hand out for her to hold. 

Instead, she just agonizingly holds onto his sole finger with hers, enticing him. He heaves a sole laugh into his mattress, smiling with his eyes. Steven then groans into a whine as he remembers their first encounter. 

“I’m. Ugh,” he cringes, ashamed. “ I’m sorry you met me when I was sixteen,” he laughs pathetically.

“Huh?” 

“Sixteen. That’s— that’s a horrible age,” he scoffs and rolls his eyes— very similarly to how a teenage boy would do it. 

Spinel can’t help but giggle. “Why?”

“Boys that age are just. Stupid,” he sighs. “I treated you... so bad. Saw you as some annoying girl in the class,” he says so as he caresses her finger, her looking at their hands. “or somethin’.”

Seems he’s started picking up Spinel’s accent a bit.

“Probably to just have been crushing on you the whole time, hah,” he concludes into a murmur. 

Spinel’s heart stops and she stammers as her pupils dilate— “M-Me? Y-You had a crush on me—?” only for it to race again, beating rapidly.

“Maybe. You were really cute, after all. With your little heart puffs and all.” 

Spinel... can’t help but feel disappointed at that. He really did like the old her. Innocent, loving, stupid. 

He... he really, really wants to confess to her right now. 

Finally tell her that he loves her. 

But it’s too soon. They just started this relationship, just as he thought he was about to end it. 

He thought last night was just a simple... one night stand. Stress relief. She was really horny, after all. Everyone gets horny time to time. It’s normal. He doesn’t blame her. And after being rejected by Connie for sex, he honestly had been craving it too.

Steven liked to help others, even in obscure ways. Spinel was just so... lonely, that night. She seemed so sad and desperate, begging for his company that night. She needed him, and as her only friend, he felt inclined to— he wanted to feel needed— and she needed to have sex with someone, anybody— and he gets that. 

Simple, casual sex between best friends— two adults— after a long day. That was all. Short and impersonal, something to be forgotten by the two of them the next day. 

He really thought it was over. 

But as he sees her innocent and loving face across him on the bed right now... he realizes there was something in her that he simply didn’t see. 

For now, they’ll remain best friends.

They clasp eachothers’s hands across the mattress, sighing in unison... only to be interrupted by Steven’s ringtone, ruining the moment with his bestie.

Connie’s ringtone specifically made for her, she recognizes.

“I-I’m sorry. One minute,” he says as he lets go...

“NO!” Spinel shouts, grasping his hand. He was not letting that stupid magic box ruin their moment!

“Spinel,” Steven firmly tells her. She growls, gritting her teeth. 

And then her face softens as he stares down at her in disappointment— but she doesn’t want to— she can’t let her take him from her again— but she gives up— _as she promised him she’d change for the better_ — letting go— flopping her head back on the bed in defeat.

She was so stupid.

So, so stupid.

Maybe it’s best if she played innocent, loving, and stupid from now on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment if u read this, i wanna kno whos keeping up 🥺


	52. On Loop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gems have a game night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofread  
> another flashback right after ch 51

Steven had just gotten home from work at Little Homeschool, and was making his way up the stairs after removing his snow shoes. 

It was lightly snowing in Beach City, now that it was late November, and Steven was forced to wear sweaters, scarves, and coats from now on. And of course, no flip flops— finally.

He had a really stressful day at work,  practically baby-sitting gems all day, so he was eager to blow off steam with Spinel, if you know what I mean.

He opens the door to his bedroom to see Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl on the floor, playing Monopoly and watching a movie with Spinel. 

“Steven!” jumps up Spinel, who leaps into his arms to hug him. Steven lightly grazes her back as she wraps her arms around his neck, flirtatiously bringing her leg up. Mmm! 

Steven then remembers that the gems were there— and sees them watching them, looking at eachother confused— so he pushes her off, clearing his throat. 

“You two are... awfully friendly with eachother,” comments Pearl. 

Steven rubs the back of his head, “well we are best friends, hah,” he mumbles.

Pearl can’t help but feel disappointed at the sound of that. She thought Connie played that role— or Lapis or Peridot, one of his fellow Crystal Gems. 

Not... an employee of the Diamonds, the dictators she tried so hard to repel from her precious planet she fought so long to protect. 

“So uh, what’re you guys up to?” he asks, raising the pitch of his voice. He puts his bag against the wall and nears them. 

“Oh, you know... the usual,” replies Spinel. 

Steven sees an array of boardgames on the floor— at Spinel’s request, she asked that they have weekly game nights to boost their relationship. 

Steven is really proud of her for making that effort for him. 

“Pch’yeah, Garnet kept winning battleship though, ‘cause she kept predictin’ everyone’s placements. And she keeps winning Monopoly too, knowin’ where we land and what houses we’ll buy like every time, ugh,” she groans and rolls her eyes as she sips on her soda.

“Uh, maybe she should just unfuse and let Ruby play then?” Steven suggests. 

Garnet coldly glares at Steven. “No. They have to stay together for life.”

Uh, that hits weird. 

Steven raises his arm to his chest and flinches, cringing. Does she mean...? 

“Oh, I most definitely agree, Garnet. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order for your relationship to work. You just can’t let any little distraction or plaything distract you from what’s really important, now can you?” she says slyly, glaring at Steven with Spinel shyly clinging beside him.

Garnet continues. “I agree. Fusion is very important, and it is essential for any relationship to function. You can’t seperate two perfect halves.”

Steven starts to get red, tensing up. Amethyst chugs down her drink eagerly, eating popcorn as she watches her new entertainment.

Pearl concludes, referring to the kind of things they did together— “a connection is more than just caressing eachother’s legs under a dinner table for a few minutes,” she laughs, embarrassing Steven. 

Spinel has no idea what’s going on or why the atmosphere was so tense— she just wanted them all to get along and play games together.

Steven winces, as he thought they couldn’t tell they were doing that today. “T-That’s enough.”

“Oh, Steven. How’s Connie been at college? Perhaps you should follow in her footsteps— consider enrolling to online school, get your high school degree finally...” mutters Pearl, shuffling the fake money as they play, playing bankowner. Controlling everything.

“Pfff, yeah. You’re uh, a little behind there, buddy,” Amethyst mumbles as she exchanges money with Pearl— trying to cheat. “You’re kinda on a loop right now, goin’ nowhere.”

“Perhaps you should grow up. Let go of your toys,” Garnet concludes, rolling the dice— predicting where she’ll land.

She knows where their relationship is going, doesn’t she.

“Move on with your life, _Pink_ ,” says Pearl, as cunning as ever.

Steven grabs Spinel’s wrist as he feels he’s glowing pink. “Let’s go, Spinel. We’ll find some other game to play,” he says between gritted teeth. 

“Huh—?! But we were havin’ so much fun! Woah—!” Spinel whines as he drags her out the door. He lets go so she can walk down the stairs first, and Steven coldly slams the door behind him. 

Everyone gets startled, except for Garnet, who remains unfazed under her visor. 

“We need to split them up.”

Steven marches down the stairs, fuming, as she sees Spinel wait for him beside the door. 

“Hey, buddy, where we goin’?”

“Out,” he says as he grabs Spinel’s coat, fed up with the Gem’s bullshit.

“Open,” he commands, and she extends her arms out so he puts it on. He meticulously fixes her collar, only to wrap the scarf he just grabbed around her neck— and finally, he puts on her snowcap for her, securing it in place.

Even when he’s pissed off, he still makes time to be gentle towards her, making sure she’s bundled up and warm.

“Let’s go,” he says, holding her hand as they walk out together, as it’s lightly snowing outside. 

“W-What happened? We were havin’ so much fun!” 

“No, Spinel. You were having fun. But we, as best friends, weren’t having fun with the gems.”

“Why’s that? They just want what’s best for ya, askin’ about school an’ stuff. 

“That’s... the problem. They want me to go to school, get my high school degree, just so I can start college. Move out. Grow up. Get a life outside of gem stuff.”

“And that’s bad?”

“N-No, not. Not holistically. B-But they think you’re a distraction for me.”

Spinel stays quiet, looking down. 

“And, and you’re not a distraction.”

“Well...” Spinel breaks the silence. “that ain’t exactly true, Sunshine,” she mutters as they walk towards the car in the dark. 

“H-Huh?” he asks, clenching her hand tighter. 

“I, uh. That Was. Kinda. My purpose, hah. Hm,” she mumbles, clearing her throat awkwardly. 

“Speak louder, Spinel. Stop mumbling,” he commands— eerily similar to how the Diamonds would boss her around. 

“Continue.”

She flinches at the deja vu, shutting her eyes briefly, but proceeds. ”I... was kinda made as a distraction. Fo’ Pink.”

“What?!” he looks down at her, frowning. “No you weren’t— you were made to be her friend! Because she was so lonely and sad!”

“That’s... what they want us ta’ think,” she sighs, letting go of his hand— but much like Spinel did last night, he clenches it tight again— “NO!!” 

Spinel flinches as he glows pink again, holding his hand again— “O...kay? We can go togetha’?”

“Hahaha, yay!” he cheers as he brings a hand to his chubby cheek, suddenly smiling. 

Spinel clears her throat louder as they walk. “Pink wanted a colony, more than anythin’. But the Diamonds wouldn’t allow it— so they created me, out of one of Pink’s little drawings, as a playmate. A distraction. Keep her grounded. Keep her childish. Inferiah’. So the Diamonds could keep controllin’ her.” 

So Spinel really was an imaginary friend to Pink. Pink designed her, anyway. But still.

“T-That can’t be true, Spinel... You’re special. You’re real. Real to me. You’re more than just a playmate, or an object to me.” 

“I sure hope so,” she says as he opens the door for her as they reach the car. Steven closes it, and enters the car from the other side himself, sighing in relief. 

“Finally. We’re out of there.” 

“We goin’ to Empire City again?” 

“N-No, hah. I wish. L-Let’s,” he reaches out for her hand to hold it. “Let’s just talk.” 

Spinel nods, burying herself in her seat. 

“I’m. I’m sorry you had to see that,” he says as he rubs her hand with his thumb. 

“I wrecked everythin’, didn’t I?” she mumbles sadly, frowning.

“Huh? You didn’t, Spinel. Don’t say that.”

“B-But it’s true!” she tenses up, digging her nails onto him. “You were all so happy togetha’, without me in tha’ pichsa’. I ruined your happily evah’ aftah’,” she whimpers, tearing up as her eyes get glossy. 

Steven shifts his position to bend his knees on the carseat— caressing her— “no, no, sweetie. Of course not. Don’t say that,” he says warmly, rubbing her arm to calm her down. 

She looks down, her lips curled into a frown. “T-That’s what you thought though, wasn’t it. That I was ruinin’ your life. I-I tried to wipe your friends’ memories, poison your planet, and kill you, afta’ all, hah. Don’t pretend you want me around. I was the source a’ aaaall your problems, an’ now it’s happenin’ all over again, e-even if I don’t mean ta this time,” she rambles as he comforts her, Spinel shaking a bit. 

“No, no.”

“Our relationship—“ she suddenly laughs lifelessly— “it’s on loop!”

“Huh?” 

“T-That’s what Amethyst said. That you’re on a loop— and it’s because a’ me!” she brings her hands to her chest. 

“And— and our relationship’s also a loop! Everythin’s repeatin’ itself, all over again!” she cries. 

“Spinel...” 

“It’s j-just like the Diamonds, don’t cha’ see it? They see me as a playdate, a distraction, an’ I’m tearin’ you down. You’re all fightin’ again— and you want a colony, more than anything! You want a fuchsia!”

“Fuchsia? ...Like the color?” he squints and tilts his head at her in confusion.

“What? No, no, futchsa. Foochsha.” 

“Fu...ton?” 

“Foooo—scha. Few. Cha. Foo. Twcherrr. Few... Cher,” she’s clearly struggling here, “Few. Ter. Fu. Tur...”

”Future.” 

“And?”

“And it’s wrooong!!!” she whines, shutting her eyes and slapping her thighs, leaning against the window.

Steven chuckles at her adorable outburst. “No, it’s not, Spinel. Everything’s fine. None of this is your fault.”

“I know it ain’t, but I can’t help but notice everythin’s repeatin’ itself! I’m back wit’ the Diamonds, they’re usin’ me ta’ manipulate ‘cha, an’ I’m back ta’ bein’ ya lil’ playmate!”

Steven leans closer to her, grazing his cheek against hers. “And what’s wrong with a little playtime?” he says as he gently whispers in her ear, gazing down at her.

Spinel gulps— “n-nothin’, it’s j-just that, um—“ Ugh! How does he make her so weak!!! And is it hot in here, or is it just me?! 

“So...?” he says flirtatiously, massaging her thigh— making her swell up at his touch. “Mmmn—mn—“ she panics, until—

“So I feel like I’m stuck in time!” she shouts— and then she brings her hands to her face as she gasps at the realization.

“I’m— I’m stuck in time!” she cries.

Steven looks up at her. Like an old rubberhouse cartoon playing on loop, he thinks.

“T-That’s why— I was trapped in the same spot for so long, relivin’ the same memory, t-that’s why I can’t move on!” she suddenly furrows her brow— “THAT’S WHY I CAN’T MOVE ON FROM ANYTHING!” she shouts as she punches the glovebox, denting it. Steven flinches— oh, not his baby...

Ay, ay, ay. 

“M-Move on from what?” he says as he rubs her thigh, trying to calm her down. What a sweet guy, she’s wrecking his car but he’s still so understanding with her.

“FROM EVERYTHING!” she scoffs in disbelief. “FROM MY PURPOSE, FROM YOUR MA’, FROM THE DIAMONDS, FROM MY TRAUMA, FROM MY MENTAL ILLNESS— ALWAYS RUMINATIN’ ON THA’ SAME THOUGHT— FROM MY MISTAKES, FROM YOU!” 

Steven’s pupils dilate, and Spinel cups her hands to her mouth. “‘M... m.”

“F-From me?” he points to himself. 

“M... Mhm,” she weakly nods. “I pr-prwomised I’d move on from ya.” 

“Move on? Move on from what?” 

Spinel doesn’t want him to know she’s had feelings for him since they met, so she diverges from her original intention.

“I. I was just so dependant on ya ma’, I didn’t want that happenin’ all ovah’ again. So I vowed ta’ neva’ be best friends wit’ cha again,” she confesses, twiddling her fingers. 

“Don’t twiddle your fingers, Spinel,” he instructs, and she quickly does so. 

He was a Diamond, after all. 

“M... m. You’re not mad?” 

“You’re my best friend, Spinel. Of course I’m not mad.”

Spinel nods, defeated. Guess they really are best friends. She wishes she were something more, but she supposes this will suffice. 

“Since you belonged to my mom, you belong to me now. You’ll always be a part of me, just as I’m a part of you.”

“Yeah, but you don’t depend on nobahdy’,” she mumbles as she buries her chin in her neck childishly. “I’m just the clingy one who can’t live a day without cha.”

“What was that?” 

“Nevah’mind.”

Steven buries himself back in his seat, reclining. He sighs as he shuts his eyes, furrowing his strong brow and twitching his nose. 

Spinel looks up at his handsome face— and his broad nose. She blushes, looking down shyly.

“You know this isn’t gonna be easy, right?” he says as he grumbles a bit, repositioning himself.

He’s getting comfortable as he prepares to wait out the Crystal Gem’s little “game.”

Their mind game towards him, that is. 

“Huh?” Spinel looks up at him.

“The Gems. The Diamonds. Our relationship. None of it will be easy... just wanted to let you know that. Keeping it together is hard, but we’ve got to try... It’ll be difficult,  but you make me wanna try.”

”Do you wanna try, Spinel,” he gazes towards her, and she freezes.

“Y-Yes,” she taps her index fingers. Yes, she does. Anything for him.

“B-But, even if we’re stuck on loop?” she asks, her voice cracking.

“Yes, even if we’re stuck on loop,” he mumbles as he reaches out for her hand, clasping it. 

“And we’ll try, try, and try, again,” he says as he gently shakes her gripped hand up and down after each _try_ , boosting morale.


	53. Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven talks to Spinel about Connie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER FLASHBACK A DAY LATER OKAY IM DONE. NEXT CHAPTER IS PRESENT  
>    
> 📌 CHRONO ORDER  
> https://tinyurl.com/chronostory  
> https://tinyurl.com/chronostory  
> https://tinyurl.com/chronostory
> 
> also today, july 26, is my birthday yaaaay :D i’m 20!!!! so i decided to treat myself by making myself sad writing this :) 
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT THIS IS PROBS MY NEW FAV CHAPTER HEHE
> 
> [proofread]

It was a day later, and Steven had just gotten back home from work at the homeschool. 

He enters the house, struggling to open the door behind some snow , only to see Pearl sitting daintily on the couch, waiting for him alongside Amethyst.

“Oh, Steven! There you are. I was so worried about you, it was getting so late—“ but Steven drops his bookbag to the side, and heads to the restroom to shower, ignoring her. 

He blows a lock of hair out of his face, rolling his eyes as he storms inside. 

Rejecting not only his mother-figure, but also his old best friend.

Pearl sighs and heads to her room after cleaning the snow out off the floor he dragged in with his boots.

He... was still a bit pissed off with her about last night— the way she totally embarassed him in front of Spinel. The way he and Garnet tried to manipulate him into abandoning Spinel, implying she was just a “plaything” to him. 

Oh, that one just got him boiling. 

“Augh!” grunts Steven as he slams his fist on the wall, under the freezing shower water. Since he, uh, so efficiently wasted all of the hot water for his little sauna session with Spinel a while ago, the gem beachhouse found itself in a drought. 

So a quick, cold, shower in the winter it is. Isn’t that lovely? 

As he washes himself, he thinks of how different things would’ve been if Connie had accepted his proposal. He— he would be with her right now, studying in a prestigious university, exploring the country on a roadtrip maybe, going to concerts in the city... 

Being a normal young adult. An American college student. 

But instead, he was here getting angry over his guardians wanting him to let go of one of his mother’s old toys. 

And maybe they were right. 

That’s why he was so attached to Spinel, after all. He felt that he owed her something, that it was his responsibility to make her happy— make up for all the horrible neglect and abuse she faced at the silk gloves of his mother. 

Not to mention, Spinel was all he had left of his mother beside his Diamond gem and Lion. And neither of those make great conversationalists. 

And of course, Steven needed to be needed from now on after saving the galaxy. 

And it was similar for Spinel too, as she felt her new relationship was a do-over after failing to please his mother the first time, and of course Steven himself reminded Spinel so, so much of her. 

A perfect arrangement, as both were able to satisfy eachother with ease. It really was like a puzzle. 

Steven steps out of the shower, freezing— he quickly wraps himself in a towel, and hurries up the stairs to his bedroom. 

We see Spinel wrapped under ablanket, reading her manga. 

“Hi, best friend,” he pants as he comes in wrapped under a towel. He quickly bends down and cradles her face to peck her lips, only to head to his drawer. 

Spinel blushes after seeing him topless in front of her, and she can’t help but look again. 

So she turns around— only to see Steven take off his towel and rub it onto his wet hair. drying it— exposing his bare ass.

Oh, stars. 

Spinel quickly turns around flimsily covers her face, her cheeks flushing red. Oh, gosh— why the hell did she look! How is she gonna get through the night after seeing him like THAT?!?!

B-But she can’t help but take another peek— a quick one— so she hesitantly turns around, shutting an eye. 

Spinel observes the contours of his back and his musculature as he hikes up his underwear. Drops of water cover his body, and he seems to be cold, panting. He then dries his hair, shimmying the towel against its fluffy ringlets.

He certainly lost weight again. Seems that whole “vegetarianism” thing he mansplained to her was working out after all. 

Steven wraps up, putting on a sweater and long pajama pants, looking comfortable. He puts on his fuzzy socks, and grabs an extra pair and puts his phone on his pocket. 

Steven sits criss-crossed beside Spinel, leaning against the end of the bed. “How are you?” he murmurs beside her, checking his phone, scrolling through the message app.

“M’ good. Couldn’t really do much today wit’ the weather,” she mumbles as she looks out the window to see snow fall in the night. 

“Mm, yeah,” he replies, seemingly distracted with his phone. Seems like he’s texting someone, as he’s currently typing.

hi. i’m sorry, i just came home from work. almost got snowed in. how’s everything? 

Good, just got my bandages wrapped. Got some stitches done last night. Mom’s driving me out of the hospital as we speak, but we might have to stay another night because of the weather.

i’m sorry. 

Don’t be. It was out of your control. 

no, it was. i should have never let her come. i should’ve never let her stay with me. she should’ve stayed in homeworld... she’s a distraction at this point. 

But she’s your mother’s. 

and you’re mine. 

She sends him an animated heart effect and a gif of a baby kitten yawning, making Steven grin.

i’ll come visit you soon, ok. i’ll bring you soup, and chocolates, and we’ll snuggle under the blankets and watch the unfamiliar familiar adaptation together again, ok?

But we’ve watched it like ten times. Aren’t you tired already?

i _know_ you wanna watch it for the 10th time, connie. 

👉🏾👈🏾 Maybe...  😗

you’re cute. i’ll text you again tomorrow during lunch, okay. 

Okay, Steven. I love you.  ❤️

love you more. sweet dreams. 

Connie had been in the hospital for more than a week, recovering. It was nearly December now.

Steven shuts the phone— Spinel seeing that his wallpaper is a selfie of him and Connie together. 

She brings her knees up to her chin and wraps herself around her legs, lips quivering as she tries not to cry. Steven gazes to the side. 

“Are you cold, Spinel?” 

Spinel weakly nods, whimpering quietly, lying. “Mhm.” She covers herself more with the blanket, hiding herself from him, but Steven has another idea. 

“C’mere,” he mutters as he wraps his strong arms around her, cuddling with her as the big spoon. 

He clings her arms up to his as he’s wrapped around her neck, gripping angrily. She’s fuming a bit, frustrated that he’s still in contact with his other friend. 

She thought she scared her away. Pacified her. 

She lets the book flop the ground, and he squeezes tighter, nuzzling her cheek, sighing into her. 

She starts tearing up, her face scrunching up.

Is... that all she is to him now? 

Is she just a playdate to him? 

Something to fill the void while his real girlfriend is away?

Is that why he’s so protective of Connie, and so careless with her? 

He left her alone all day, after all. He promised he’d be home earlier. But instead the first thing he does is text _her_. 

She feels her lip tremble and her eyes watering— tearing up. _Stop being such a crybaby, Spinel. Grow up._

Steven then goes under the covers and holds Spinel by the waist, lifting her up to lay her across the bed. She averts her gaze, pouting as she crosses her arms. 

Even then, he doesn’t notice— and he kneels down to delicately put her fuzzy socks on to keep warm for the night.

She— she couldn’t help but find that incredibly sweet, but— but she was still mad. 

Why is it so difficult to stay mad at him?

He grazes his hand up her leg and leans over her, hovering over her chest, pressing his palms on the mattress beside her, and kisses her on the cheek— he then cups her chin, trying to get her to face him. “Spinel.”

But she ignores him, looking to the side. Steven kisses her again, shutting his eyes, and as she remains still, unfazed, he trails more down her neck. 

But she doesn’t react to that either, simply heaving a sigh as she’s still tense. He takes notice. 

“Spinel... you don’t want to play?” he says as he fondles her hair, delicately taking a strand off her face. 

Spinel quickly shifts her head farther to the side, ignoring his affections. She doesn’t even respond. 

So he finally gets off her, rolling to the side. 

He leans his elbow on the bed beside her, his palm on his face, looking down at her as she shows her cheek to him. 

“I thought you were happy to be together,” he finally says after some silence. 

“Implyin’ we’re actually togeth’r,” she mutters apathetically. 

“Spinel...”

“Why are you still attached ta’ her. What do ya see in her, that you don’t see in me...?” she asks, finally facing him. Staring at him intently with her black scars trailing down her face. 

He forgot how scary she could be. And remembered how much Connie comforted him. 

Steven breaths in and exhales, coming out with the truth.

“She... was with me through everything, Spinel.”

“Huh?”

“S-Since the beginning,” he bends down to lay horizontally across the bed, resting his chin on his folded arms to face her. “We saw eachother before we got my gem powers, and finally met when I started getting them, right after I got my shield. I was thirteen.”

“Do you wanna hear the story of how we met?” he says, encircling her palm  with his fingers, gazing at her.

Spinel... doesn’t really want to, but she’ll listen— for him. She nods. 

“I uh, met her, at the beach. She was reading, like she usually does! And I thought she was really pretty with her long hair and dress and all, so I tried to walk to her and introduce myself, but suddenly a gem monster screeched inside the temple, and caused stone from the Obsidian statue to fall. She was gonna die!” 

“So I rushed in to push her out of the way, but instead I formed a protective bubble around her— and saved her! That was my first bubble ever, and she triggered it— and ever since then, I’ve been determined to protect her since.”

Spinel cringes as she hears that, knowing she’s the one who attacked her and tried to kill her. 

“We couldn’t break the bubble though, so we rolled all the way to the amusement park so a rollercoaster could hit us— but it flew us into the ocean! All the way to the bottom!”

“And?” 

“And we can’t breathe! We’re humans— we can’t survive underwater, we’ll die! And, and even though I tried to stay strong, I was honestly pretty horrified. We thought we were gonna die together— but we survived, and swam all the way up to the surface.”

“But then a corrupt gem monster appeared— and it was horrifying! We had to find a way to poof it, and we did, but not without almost killing me! She was with me the entire time, holding my hand ‘til the end.”

“And that was the first of many, many traumas to come,” he sighs. 

There’s... more? 

“Now that Connie was aware of my gem powers and the gems, she got mixed up on all of this to, and she trained as a swordfighter to protect me— she was my knight! And this all came in handy, as we started encountering not only more corrupt gems... but also forced fusions,” he murmurs. 

“Forced fusions?”

“Mhm. Homeworld’s experiments on the fallen Crystal Gems. They used their shards and... practically glued them together, creating abominations of combined gems— uniting their decapitated limbs to form absolute monsters without souls. To psychologically torture us. Remind us that we failed. Remind us that we lost. Remind us that they were still in control, and were always watching us. Their own little game with the remaining Crystal Gems.”

“B-But the Diamonds would nevah’ do that! They were so lustrous, and benevol’nt, and magnific’nt! Yellow Diamond’s the one fixin’ em all!” 

Steven pathetically chuckles. “And they’re the ones who created it. Have they told you about the cluster?”

“Tha’ clustah’... they told me about it, but I nevah’ pressed ‘em for details. I just stayed quiet an’ did my job, hah. Didn’t wanna get too snoopy on tha’ first day, ya see.”

“The cluster... was. A massive gem fusion. Comprised of thousands of shattered gems, forced to create a horrible being.”

Spinel gulps. 

“It was due to emerge soon, forming in the center of the Earth. And it was growing so big, it was going to bigger than the Earth, destroying the planet from the inside. Stronger than the poison on your injector.”

“I-I—“

“We deactivated it before it could emerge, of course, but Connie was there when the fusions started... escaping. Invading hospitals, invading beach city. She helped us clean up the mess, remove any traces of them. I still... I still get nightmares of those horrible monsters, knowing they’re still out there, suffering because of the Diamonds.”

“I... I didn’t know.”

Steven sighs, fondling her hair.

“Now you know why I’m not too fond of the Diamonds.”

“But you’re family...” she mumbles, getting sad as she recalls that she’s never had one.

Steven holds her hand. “You’re my family now. You, the Crystal Gems, and Connie.”

Spinel just stays quiet. 

“There was another enemy that tried to kidnap my dad and my friends. Including Connie. I had to,” he winces as he remembers the memory, “see her forced inside of two topazes, trapped inside. Those were the kinds of horrible things I saw as the, as the—“

“Savior of the galaxy,” she sighs. 

“Mhm. She was... with me through everything. And even when she wasn’t she absorbed my memories after we fused. We’d have dreams about my mother, and we’d feel her feelings together, piecing together Rose Quartz’s and Pink Diamond’s story. Only to learn they were the same person all along.”

“And then, when I arrived to Homeworld to fulfill my role as Pink Diamond, she tagged along with me— and in doing so, she received the same punishment. Blue Diamond... locked us in a tower together, much like she’d do...”

“To ya’ mom.”

“Mhm.” 

“She was there during the battle against Blue and Yellow, supporting me even though she was just a human, and— and,” he shuts his eyes. “White Diamond.”

Spinel looks up at him to see him looking down, whimpering— clinging tightly to her hand as he shakes. 

Spinel lifts herself up, holding onto him. “Sunshine...?” 

Steven starts to choke up, crying. “I’m—cough— I’m sorry. I just. Got these feelings... flooding back to me.”

Spinel holds his hands, listening. She’s here for him. 

“White Diamond... ripped my gem from me. Out of my body.” 

Spinel’s eyes dilate in shock. “Wha...?”

“She— she wanted to see if she was still in there. Pink.”

“Y-You saw Pink?”

“Only her silhouette. But instead we... saw a monster,” he says ominously.

“A monster? Who’s a monstah’?”

“I’m... it,” he admits in defeat. 

...Spinel softly gasps. “Ohh! I didn’t know we were playing tag!” she puts her arms on her hips in a jest, trying to randomly make him laugh during the painful moment. 

Steven chokes up again, chuckling pathetically between sobs. “Nnng...ngh. T-That’s funny, mmh. You’re so cute, princess, mn.”

Spinel watches him weep, groaning as he flimsily rubs the tears out of his face as his laughter disappears completely. 

And Spinel loved his laugh. 

Steven completely admits defeat, and extends his arms out to her— begging her for a hug with moist, pleading eyes as his lips tremble, trying to hold another groan, even louder this time.

She understands now that Steven needed Connie because she was the only human on Earth who knew what he was going through. Of course he’d cling so tightly onto that.

After all, that’s the same reason Spinel clings onto him— he’s the only one who saw and knows about her trauma. He’s the only one who’s visited the garden.

And Spinel herself tears up, biting her lip, and lunges herself towards him, embracing him as he plants her palm behind his head, massaging his rosy hair. He buries himself in her shoulder, clasping her back, arching it.

They simulaneously lift themselves up to hover over the bed on their knees, and look at eachother as they wipe the tears out of each other’s faces and the wet hair off each other’s cheeks in agitation—desperate to see each other’s faces— aiming to kiss each other until they clumsily missed— eyes too watery to properly see eachother. And they try to kiss again, but they missed— and they try again, and finally, their lips meet, pressing harshly into eachother, and they bring themselves closer— heart against diamond. 

The suit of Hearts, and the suit of Diamonds.

They wrap their tongues around eachother, cupping eachother’s cheeks intently— eyes furrowed in deep focus— and they finally conclude with a long, profound, kiss, parting with a smaller, desperate one that closes with a moan.

They both collectively sigh, exhausted. Together they scoot farther into the bed and flop on the mattress together, lying on their backs. 

They instinctively reach out for each other’s hands, clinging onto each other’s pinkies. Panting. 

They close their stinging eyes, numbed from so much crying, and drift off to sleep, wrapping themselves anxiously under the covers as it gets colder. 

Grazing their legs against each other’s, keeping warm as their hands are locked tight as they lay their heads on their pillows in an embrace.

**

A couple hours passed, and it’s the middle of the night. Steven and Spinel find themselves freezing in the dead of night, as a snow storm passes over Beach City. 

Spinel’s tightly hugging herself as she shivers, her teeth clacking against eachother violently. 

This was her first snow, after all. 

Steven flutters his eyes open to the noise, he himself groaning in discomfort in response to the cold, only to see Spinel suffering in front of him. 

“Spinel...” he whispers, his voice raspy as he’s a bit dehydrated. “Come here,” he says as he embraces her again and pull her closer, wrapping his arms around her, his legs between hers to keep her warm as they massage eachother with their fuzzy socks. 

They intertwine around eachother, Steven rubbing her arm back and forth— they near eachother’s faces as their eyes are shut, panting in front of each other for any kind of heat. 

After a few moments, as Steven practically defrosts her lips with his breath— she inches closer to kiss him— wrapping her lips around his— only to insert her warm tongue in his mouth and suck on his tongue repeatedly, massaging it with moisture.

They make out like this for a few minutes, gazing at eachother with parted eyes, sighing into their faces. They clasp eachother’s hands as they swirl their tongues inside their mouths, Steven licking and massaging Spinel’s next. As their lips meet into a kiss again, he inserts his tongue in her mouth again, rubbing her tongue and sucking it again, and again, and again— until their mouths are so wet, as they part a line of drool comes between them.

Such unapologetically messy and clumsy kisses under the covers together.

Spinel grazes his leg, feeling his warm pajama pants, and prompts him to shift on his back. Spinel glides on top of him, leaning down to nip at his neck as she sits on his crotch. 

“Mm... mm,” he moans as she sucks aggressively at his neck, forming a hickey. At this point, Spinel was bound to win over Steven’s innocent boy-heart. 

“Mmf— mff— ah...” he sighs in relief, his eyes shut as he bites his lip in pleasure. 

“Connie...” he whines desperately as he flimsily cups Spinel’s cheek, desperate to feel her in his hands. 

...

......Connie?

Spinel freezes— and swiftly lifts herself off of him, betrayed. 

Steven drowsily flutters his eyes open, looking up at her. He caresses her arm and up and down. “Babe, what happened? You were doing so well...” he mumbles sluggishly.

Babe.

Th-That’s what he calls her. 

“Connie.”

“Hm—?” asks Steven as he blinks, fully waking up. 

“Y-You. Said I was Connie. You called me Connie.”

Steven gapes his mouth at the realization and lifts his back up too, covering his mouth as he realizes he called her Connie. He reaches his hand out to her, trying to rub her arm harder— “no, no, no baby no,” he says airily as he whispers, “th-that’s not what I meant—“

“I know damn well what you meant,” she mutters aggressively between gritted teeth. 

“Baby, no, I would— I would never, it was an accident, I swear, I was half-asleep—“

“You’re still wit’ her, aren’t cha? So you ain’t breakin’ up wit’ her?” she cuts him, digging her nails into his shirt, hurting him.

“I-I-I-“

“What is it! Spit it out! Don’t lie to  me— you expect me to believe you’ll stay wit’ me?! LIKE THIS?!” 

“I’m— I’m just not sure—“ 

“Not sure WHAT!” she digs deeper. 

“Not sure, not sure who my best friend is— s-she was my best friend since I was thirteen, I—“

She picks up the pillow beside him and throws it on his face— she was just gonna leave it there, but she has so much anger all of a sudden, she starts hitting him repeatedly with it, loud grunts turned into pathetic whines. “Ugh! Ugh! Agh! Ah! Ah!”

“YOU! FUCKING! LIED! TA’! ME! YOU! SAID! I! WAS! YOUR! BEST! FRIEND!” she screams as she hits him after every word. “YOU!!! LIAR!!!!!!!!”

Steven just takes every hit, shutting his eyes squeamishly as she thwacks him with the pillow. He deserves it for accidentally calling her Connie. 

She concludes, slamming it at him one last time before she gets off the bed, walking out. Steven lunges himself up and grabs her wrist, stopping her.

She doesn’t face him.

“Let go a’ me, Universe. You won’t like me when I’m angry,” she snarls, glaring at him with one eye as her back is turned.

“Spinel, I didn’t mean to call you that, I’m sorry— you’re my best friend— you always will be. I-I just was thinking about Connie, and how hurt she was and how I couldn’t save her from you and—“

Spinel winces as he finally shifts the blame on her, reminding her that she was the one who attacked Connie.

“Wait, no, that came out wrong. I—“

She quickly cuts him, practically hysterical now.

“Oh, you're so protective with your real friends, and you're so careless with your fake ones!” she growls— she tries to let go as hard as she can, but Steven grips tighter.

As he does so, he’s staring at her lifelessly, totally exhausted by her bullshit. How careless is she to leave the house during this snowstorm?

“Spinel, you’ll freeze.”

“Oh!” she scoffs. “How funny is it that you seem to care so much about me freezing all of a sudden, when you’re the one who left me in the void and emptiness of space in an empty, desolate garden, didn’t cha’ PINK!” she blurts out, raising her voice as her eyes are shut.

Steven gapes up at her, his pupils dilated. He lets go of her and plants his palms on the bed, leaning back. 

“DIDN’T YOU, PINK!” she shouts— and then she finally opens her eyes— 

“WHAT!”— only to see it was Steven again.

And then she gasps. 

She brings both her hands to her face and covers her mouth.

“m’m... ‘m sorry, I. I didn’t mean to,” she whispers as she sees Steven become upset after calling him by his mother’s name, mistaking him for her.

_ Oh, god, what has she done. _

Spinel starts tearing up, her face softening, as she realized she did exactly what he did.

Yet she treated him so cruelly for it.

Spinel looks down at his rosy cheeks, his nose reddened because of the intense cold. 

He’s trying to hold back tears, gritting his teeth as he furrows his brows at her, feeling intense betrayal. 

This one hurts him more than his hurt her. 

Spinel slightly raises her hands, trying to comfort him. 

“M, m. M’m sorry, rosie. I-I didn’t mean to call you her, you know that. I’m. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again— I won’t leave you, I swear. I’ll stay wit’ cha forever, I promise. Can I stay? Hm? W-What do ya say, best friend,” she says pathetically, whimpering. “B-Best friend,” she whines, stammering.

Spinel... then finds herself drawn back to him, bringing her hand to the corner of the bed... 

Steven... delicately takes it and scoots to the side, making space for her, leading her under the covers so she lays back down with him like before. 

He sighs, unable to stay mad at her.

“Come back to bed, princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 📌 OFFICIAL CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER 
> 
> https://tinyurl.com/chronostory  
> https://tinyurl.com/chronostory  
> https://tinyurl.com/chronostory
> 
> reminder i changed it from winter break to fall break 
> 
> fall break: connie visits, spinel attacks, steven and spinel kiss — “mine” and “over and over again” and “feelings flooding back”  
> days later: steven and spinel sleep together— “sunshine”  
> late november: “innocent loving stupid” “on loop”  
> early december: “best friend”— “play” and finally “so excited”
> 
> ORDER:  
> 1\. mine  
> 2\. over and over again  
> 3\. feelings flooding back  
> 4\. sunshine  
> 5\. innocent loving stupid (ILS)  
> 6\. on loop  
> 7\. best friend  
> 8\. play  
> 9\. so excited
> 
> SO BASICALLY I.L.S, ON LOOP, AND BEST FRIEND ARE IN BETWEEN SUNSHINE AND PLAY. I DID THIS BECAUSE I DESCRIBED IN PLAY THAT STEVEN AND SPINEL HAD BEEN HAVING SEX DURING THE WEEK AND I WANTED TO FLESH OUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP.


	54. Her Cut Is Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven observes Spinel’s gemstone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and were back :D
> 
> proofread 
> 
> Read the chronology— http://tinyurl.com/chronostory

𝘳𝘦𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘳𝘦𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨...

𝘚𝘛𝘖𝘗.

𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘐𝘐. 

𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖.

Ah, finally. 

Here we are in the future... 

and it’s _wrong_. 

It had been a day since Steven had... “poofed” Spinel at the sky arena, an abandoned temple in the sky— who knows where— _far_ from Beach City and _far_ from its harsh, bitter winter, as it was now early December. 

Steven... didn’t exactly sleep last night. He... he kept having repetitive nightmares, his thoughts ruminating on his encounter with Spinel— or better yet Spade, her destructive and murderous alter, pent on ruining his life.

But this time, she had intended to end. Steven holds his neck, which had been slit by Spinel’s when she pushed him to the ground and restrained him with her knee with a blade in her grip. 

How stupid was Steven to have freed her? 

He licks his hand and rubs into his neck— although he healed himself multiple times, there was still scarring, and sometimes blood would seep out and he’d have to clean the wound again and again. 

He touches his neck again, but still, there’s an evident cut. 

Her cut is _perfect_. 

So of course, he always had a scarf on to conceal his fresh wound— and thankfully, they were in the break of winter— so Steven was currently in his room, inside, wearing his coziest pajamas and fuzzy socks. A fresh cup of hot cocoa— and another one made for Spinel, in hopes the smell of chocolate entices her.

_Isn’t that lovely?_

Steven... spent the entire morning in bed, staring at the ceiling, admittedly. Reliving that moment in his mind again and again. Spinel gripping his neck, choking him— Steven kicking her off— Spinel losing her knife as lays flat on the floor— Steven tying her down, with a shield at his side. 

Spinel had reached for the knife again, set on stabbing him to death, killing him. But Steven’s senses came to him— and he turned Pink— and he had no choice but to poof her. Bludgeon her with his shield. Smash her face to near-death, breaking her nose. Their blood mixing as his blood dripped from neck onto her face. Her whines— and even when she was about to get poofed, she still fought to the death, gripping for the knife the entire time. 

Until suddenly, a blast of pink smoke appeared, and Spinel’s gem had been poofed, clinking as it fell to the ground, trembling counter-clockwise as if in a rewind. 

After Spinel had attacked him again— and so violently— Steven knew that their relationship had completely restarted again. 

Once more, on a loop.

Isn’t that cool? 

And he was looking at it down right now, hovering over his drawer over his t-shirts, looking at its pink heart-shape. 

Her cut... is  perfect,  he observes.

Steven... had been staring down at it for some time. Simply studying it, in hopes a light would flicker and she’d reform again, returning to him. Keep him warm during the harsh winter nights. 

He still misses her, despite her trying to kill him again. 

He still misses her, despite bludgeoning her doll-face ‘til she loses her physical form. 

He still misses her, even if he thought of vindictively shattering her to pieces by smashing his shield against her gem.

_And isn’t that cruel?_

Steven winces, thinking of that horrible, unexplainable urge he had to— to destroy her. Break her gem. 

End her life. 

After all, he tried to kill him, a precious Diamond— Homeworld’s lost treasure— how could he let her get away with it? His defiant and unruly little court jester who betrayed him. 

At-At first, when they became friends after they stopped her injector, it was fine. Sure, she was annoying, and he groaned at the sight of her everytime he visited— and sure, when she moved in, begged to live with him, she’d show a few tantrums and hit him impulsively sometimes. 

But this... this was a punishment that could not go unchecked— or unpunished. 

He—he thought poofing her would do the trick, but after recalling all the ways she— she practically ruined his life— his happily ever after, his relationship with Connie, his happiness with the gems, as their relationship had changed for the worse since she arrived— his chances of going to college and moving out... 

And, and his bond with his dad. Looking at Spinel’s gem, he realized he hadn’t seen his dad in. In two months. 

He had to make a change. 

Visit him as soon as possible.

And... looking at Spinel’s gem... 

He can’t help but notice specks of dirt and dust on it, likely from falling on the marble floor at the arena. Dry blood, too.

Steven had his hands gripped on the open drawer, and he leans closer to take it— about to clasp it in his dry, bruised hands— wrapped in bandages after their violent fight. 

It’s... the perfect cut. 

And— and she’s pink, as well. 

_Just_ like him. 

He— he suddenly feels... relieved, to realize that. As the only “Rose Quartz” left on Earth, as all the others had been bubbled, he was the only pink gem left. 

When he met the freed Rose Quartzes after Era 3 had begun, he admittedly grew very uncomfortable around them, as they were identical to his mother. 

He... he tried to form a relationship with them. He really did. But it was just. Too much. Too many painful memories of the mother who never raised him. 

He thought he was the only pink gem on Earth, as all the Quartzes returned to the zoo. 

But here she was, so delicate— gently placed in his drawer on top of his folded clothes for him to finally admire in privacy. 

Steven gulps at the sight of it, moistening his tongue in his mouth, sensing a trail of sweat roll down his forehead. 

A little twinkle appears in the corner of the gem, as the light of the glass shifts as he nears it, his hands trembling over it, his mouth gaped.

_Go on._

...Huh? 

_Go on, do it._

W-What? 

_Touch her, Steven._

Mm— wh—

Her?

_Her gem... it was so sleek, so polished— don’t you remember?_

Steven holds his breath. Remember... remember what? He had never held her like this before—

_There’s not a single error or flaw_ , the voice interrupts.

Not... a single flaw? he gulps. 

_Don’t you want to care for her, Pink?_

_Cleanse her?_

Steven shuts his eyes as he nods, desperately— “mm— mmhm,” he mumbles weakly.

_She was so alone, so, so cold in that desolate garden for so many years without her beloved Diamond— the one who so cruelly abandoned her. Don’t you want to make it up to her, Pink? Make it all better?_

Steven nods, subtly biting his lip— fluttering an eye open to see it. To see her. 

Her cut is perfect.

_No._

_Your cut is perfect. She’s your perfect cut._

H-Huh? Mine? 

_Your perfect cut._

_She’s your Spinel now, Pink._

Mm— w-what? She’s not mine! 

_Oh, don’t be so silly, Pink. She was made just for you after all. You were so lonely, so sad, once upon a time, remember? Now here you are, unwanted and isolated once again, abandoned by your family, without a future— but here she is, just for you._

_Your beautiful little girl._

Steven flinches— “M-My what?” What did the voice say—?

_I said— your beautiful little Spinel._

Steven sighs in relief— he— he’s delusional. Imagining things. 

_As she had formed just a second ago, after you had been warming her gem in your hands for so long, waiting for your special day._

_Don’t you remember her, Pink? That loving memory of your precious Spinel being born, right inside the palace walls— just like you!_

_Oh, you were so, so happy to finally have a friend after being alone for so long. To finally have a playmate to keep you company as your mothers were off conquering planets and attending meetings all the time._

_And she was so happy, too— the second you saw her youthful face— and she saw yours— and then she smiled! The smile in her eyes— and the sound of her laughter. Her adorable, contagious little laughter._

_She lunged herself towards you as you had oh-so-patiently been kneeling on the ground, waiting for her to wake up— she wrapped you in her arms, squeezes all the numbness and sadness out of you immediately, nuzzled your cheek against hers and told you— “I’m so excited to meet you!”_

...Huh? 

Sh-She said that? 

_And then she looked up at you and said— “I love you so, so, so much, my Diamond!”_

Spinel... said that to her?

_Of course she did, Pink! Those were the very first things she said to you— that she loves you so much!_

That’s... exactly what she said in front of him on the playground that night. That— that she loved him so, so, so much— but she mistook him for his mother, in a daze.

That’s why it was so familiar.

She had already told him this once, once upon a dream. 

Isn’t that lovely?

_And she was born on August 15th— a birthday present to your mother._

_A very, very special date— one of the happiest in your life— that you were determined to relive again._

Huh? 

But that’s my birthday!— Steven mutters as he points to himself. 

_Well, it was Spinel’s birthday too! And so was Pink Diamond’s!_

We all share a birthday? 

_Yes, you do, Steven. Isn’t that cool?_

Why... didn’t he know that was his mother’s birthday— he swore Pearl told him it was another da— 

Oh. 

Of course.

She wasn’t Pink Diamond anymore, now was she. And knowing how extravagant his birthday ball was and that it had become a National Holiday on Homeworld, there’s no way Rose Quartz could celebrate it on that day, knowing that the Crystal Gems would piece it all together— that their benevolent leader, Rose, was the dictatorial ruler of the planet Earth. 

And isn’t that cruel. 

Steven’s... trembling as he tries to touch her gem from both sides. 

Why— why is he shaking? 

And why can’t he tell because if he’s anxious— or excited to hold her? 

Is it because he can’t accept— or has accepted— that she’s his own? 

_She’s yours, Steven._

_Why can’t you hold your Spinel, Pink?_

Steven whines— “she’s— she’s not mine. Snap out of it, Steven, it’s a fantasy.” 

_But she’s so filthy right now._

_ Are you going to abandon her like that again , Pink?  _

He winces, shutting his eyes and bringing his hands to his head— “Sto-op it!” He starts groaning as he pushes his head harder— this is so agonizing—

_But she’s so cold..._

_Just like she was in the garden, Pink._

Steven flinches, violently opening his eyes, panting after so much stress.

_Don’t you want to keep her warm?_

_Cradle her in your arms?_

_Please heal her, Pink. You’re the only one who can save her._

Steven whimpers— “mm, mnm—“ he can’t bear to see her suffer in any way anymore— he has to be there for her, when she never was— she needs him! and so he flimsily cups her gem, staring directly at it— clasping it tight— sighing in relief and pleasure— and spits on it.

_There you go._

He tugs his shirt and rubs circles on the surface of her gem with it— “I’m finally here, sweetie—“ sticking his tongue out in focus— “Please, I’ll clean you all up, baby— I’m here, I’m so sorry to make you wait—“ he mutters desperately. “Mmff— mff—“ he whines pathetically, so relieved to finally fulfill his thoughts’ desires.

_Satisfying to finally obey your deepest desires, no?_

“Daddy’s gotcha’—“ he whispers as he finishes, and he cups the heart, encircling it with his own hands, now also shaped into a heart. He raises his arms in the air to admire her, tilting it to see the glass shine, glistening for him.

_How dainty and still she looks for her master now._

He pants aggressively — looking a bit manic, admiring his Spinel. 

She’s so, so precious— he had never thought of her this way before. He had never realized how... elegant, and luxurious, and powerful of a gem she was. 

And he had her all to himself, the lustrous Pink Diamond. 

So polished... he whispers as he caresses her gem— so smooth...

He mumbles unintelligently— it’s cold to the touch— how, how could he be so careless with his Spinel? She’s so fragile... he realizes, holding her like this. So easily breakable. 

Such a familiar, human shape, too— nothing strange or peculiar like Bismuth’s... a heart. So perfect for him. How did the universe know he needed a new one?

She’s in her most vulnerable state for him— and he gets a bit excited at the thought— he nears her gem, fanning his heated breath onto it to warm her, he watches it slowly fog up as he does so. Covering his horrible reflection— as he looks so, so pathetic and desperate right now. 

He pants into it, and leans his lips over to it, planting a moist kiss. He presses down to it, tilting his head, as if he were cupping her cheeks— he sighs— and then he drags his tongue on her gem for just a fleeting moment only to kiss her sloppily again, making out with her gem— shining her gem so it’s squeaky clean— brand-new again.

An apology. 

He concludes his little makeout session and rubs her gem on his cheek, caressing it— warming it with his human skin, closing his eyes in pleasure. He opens his eyes to a kaleidoscope of shades of fuchsia and pink as he draws the gem farther from his face, admiring it one last time.

He murmurs to her as he glides one sole finger on the sharp edge of her gem. He’ll take better care of her than his mother did— he’ll promise her— even if he has to replace Pink as her parental figure. 

A father. 

One who will protect her and keep her safe— far from the monster he was to her just two days ago— exactly what she deserves. 

He smoothly drags his index finger down, far too distracted with the details of her gem— until suddenly— _Ah._

Steven winces as he had cut himself— far deeper than a papercut. He looks down at his finger to see a gush of blood, his finger soaked red as if pricked on the spindle of a spinning wheel. 

Oh, how amusing. 

What’s next— they reverse roles and now he’s the one who falls into a 6,000 year old slumber, enthorned in dead roses like she was, once a upon a dream? 

He was about to bring it to his tongue and suck it, heal himself— but he looks back at Spinel’s gem, how much she’s suffered because of him and— 

He instead rubs his reddened finger on his pants, foregoing his ritual, letting blood seep through the cloth. 

He deserves to feel pain after what he did to her. 

He deserves to bleed for her tonight because of her perfect cut.


	55. And She’s Pink As Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven wakes up the next morning.

“Mmn...”

Steven’s seen laying in bed, sprawled on his mattress. 

“Mmnnn— Spinel...”

We see Spinel on his cheek, kissing him as he holds her waist. She gets more playful, more aggressive. 

Steven giggles flirtatiously. “Heheheh, Spinellllll,” he whines as she nuzzles him, and he clasps her tighter in an embrace.

“That tickles, baby... mmf,” he bites his lip as he trails kisses down her neck. He holds her clumsily, panting— getting a bit hard at the sensation of her cold body pressed against his— he moans, eyes shut to focus on the pleasure... 

He sighs, caressing her skin, feeling it against his... his hand suddenly slips on the sleek glass and then—

_Clank!_

Huh? What was that?

Steven opens his eyes, gasping as he lays on the bed, staring at the ceiling in cold sweat the morning after. 

He lifts his back up in panic, and pats the bed for any sign of her— “W-Where’d Spinel go?” He tilts his body to look down at the floor, and gasps as he sees her— no, her _gem_ , lying there in the cold. 

Steven gasps and holds his hands to his mouth— he rushes to the floor to kneel in front of her, and clasps her in his hands— he whispers as he caresses her aggressively— “Oh, no, no, no, baby girl, I’m so sorry,” he whines, and brings her gem to his chest, hugging her. 

His heart. 

He closes his eyes to savor the moment, holding Spinel so lovingly like this... and here she was, complying, letting him touch her so obediently as she remains perfectly still. 

She was never going to leave him like this, now, he realizes. 

He breathily chuckles, so delighted to know she won’t abandon him like Connie and his other friends did. 

He lays his back down on the floor, and holds her gem up in the air with both hands, looking up at her glass heart that shifts colors in the light. 

Shades of fuchsia, magenta, rose...

Pink.

Steven grins. 

My love.

Isn’t this fun? Aren’t you the lucky one?

“Mmmm!” he groans, and then squeals, shifting and kicking his feet up and down flirtatiously as he thrusts her gem to his lips— pressing his tongue onto her cold gem, desperately trying to taste anything sweet— let it be bubblegum, taffy, pink lemonade... 

After suctioning her gem with the combination of his lips and tongue for a few moments, he finally finds the sweet spot— tasting strawberries— and moans in pleasure, his eyes shut as he grips onto her gem tighter, harshly dragging his tongue across her gem in a moan, only to envelop his lips around the surface of her gem again.

Her cut is perfect.

He sees his stomach expose his gem from below, and looks back up at Spinel— his missing piece. 

...And she’s pink, as well.

He makes out with her again, excited by this similarity, this time actually enjoying himself, taking his time to explore her. 

He bites his lip as he brings her gem to his chest— and he gasps as it’s cold to the touch. He jolts it against his skin as if to feign him kissing and nipping at it, and he gasps— “Spinel... go gentle, baby, mff— ah.”

As he holds her gem against his neck, he tilts his head up and parts his mouth, panting in arousal. He grinds his thighs together, moaning, and slowly trails his hand down his stomach, gliding across his gem, and down his pants, flimsily clasping his cock in his underwear. 

He holds Spinel to his chest, pressing her hard on him to cool himself, and begins thrusting his hand up and down his cock— moaning for her— as he imagines its her giving him this handjob. “Mfff— mngh— mff— Spinel,” he murmurs, laying on the floor, knees bent in position. 

His back is soaked in sweat as he leans against the floor, and he pants louder every time he thrusts, going more aggressively as he grows lonelier without Spinel— yet happier with her here, in his arms. He whines— “Ah, ah, ah, ah, Spinel—!” he says as he jolts his hand up and down intensely, almost mechanically— to feel something— anything— someday, somewhere, somehow. 

He arches his back and moans to focus, furrowing his brow as sweat trails down his face, his armpits moist after shifting them up and down for so long— his tongue is visible as his breaths become louder, leaning his head up to finish— and he winces as he feels a sting— Ah, ah, ah, agh! — a shockwave pulse through his body and— 

_AH!_

He cries, flopping his head back to the floor— he melts like jelly in Spinel’s “arms,” and slides his hand down to the floor, letting her fall as he hears a quiet clunck. He groans, eyes shut as he holds his dick in his sticky hand. Oh... how sweet she tasted for him, he recalls, licking his lips. 

He pats the floor for any sign of her gem, and gasps as he finally finds her, and he brings her once again to his chest to complete him, clasping her with both his arms as she unites with him to become his heart. 

He pants, doused in sweat, as he hugs her tightly on the floor. After a few moments, he finds himself... chuckling quietly a bit, so— so suddenly happy to be united with her again. 

He mumbles to her, smiling— “mm... you never did leave me after all, now did you... darling?” he sweetly sighs in content, shimmying his body to comfortably hug her, tilting his chin up in relaxation. 

After laying with her for some time, thinking of wonderful memories of her— how he did, in fact, walk with her once upon a dream— he usually despised dreaming, recalling memories of his mother’s life— but oh, after dreaming more of her life with Spinel he’s just so... entranced and enamored, so happy to _be_ her, finally. 

Maybe that’s why the voice was so loud this time.

Steven stands up and flops back to the bed, giggling foolishly as he holds her— burying his head in his pillow— nuzzling his cheek against it, tickling himself. _Mmm... hm, heheh._

He pants as he lifts his hands back up in the air, holding her gem in his hands. He stares up at the rosy glass, at his new reflection, finally realizing how it alters his visage, the color of his skin, squinting at the image of his face ...

And he’s Pink... as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shortest chapter of the fic lmao


	56. She’ll Bring You Endless Entertainment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven arrives home from work.

_And you’re Pink as well._

“AH!” Steven shouts as he throws Spinel off of her, onto the mattress. He cups his hands to his face, hyperventilating— “oh, no, no, no, no! This can’t be happening! This has to be a dream!” he cries.

Steven abruptly takes his hands off his face to look down at his hands— is he Pink?— he looks down at their normal creamy complexion, and he sighs in relief. 

He’s not Pink Diamond. 

Steven shuts his eyes for a moment and groans, bringing his hand to his forehead, leaning on the headboard. He drags himself back up and picks up Spinel’s gem, holding it in his arms for comfort.

He looks down at his gem— its kaleidoscope of colors— and he tilts it to see how it shimmers in the light, changing— he wants to glide his tongue across it again, moan into it, imagine more scenarios with Spinel in its place, taste its sweet, hidden strawberry flavor again, until he realizes...

He’s become obsessed with her gem. 

No. 

Obsessed with _her._

He’s obsessed with Spinel. 

Pearl was right— she really did bring him endless entertainment. Here he was, all night, making out with her gem, cuddling with it... 

_making love to it._

Steven whines— why! Why is he starting to get all these feelings? He should be disgusted by her— he should be back in Connie’s arms right now, who saved him. Spinel tried to kill him— again! 

So why was he still so in love with her? 

Steven pathetically caresses his heart, admiring it— until he flinches and stops himself.

No.

This isn’t normal.

This isn’t healthy.

It never was, even when she was outside her gem, but still. 

Maybe he likes her in this form so much because she’s all in one piece.

No altars, no different personalities... she’s just Spinel. 

His new best friend. 

Steven brings the gem to his chest with one hand, carrying it— protecting it, keeping it safe in his arm. 

He carries it back to the drawer and places it inside, covered behind t-shirts so nobody sees it.

It’s hidden. 

Maybe if he hides it, he’ll forget about it from now on.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Steven shakes as he closes the draw, slowly and agonizingly, with one eye shut. 

He... can’t let her be found. 

Steven jolts as he hears his alarm clock ring— prompting him to go to work today at Homeschool. He takes a shower, gets dressed, packs his backpack, takes his keys, and heads out the door— leaving Spinel behind. 

Out of sight, out of mind.

**

Steven wrapped up at Homeschool for a couple of hours, driving back home in his car. 

He’s... visibly anxious. Shaking his leg up and down. Tapping his fingers on the wheel to distract his running thoughts. Holding his breath. 

_He needed her back._

Steven starts anxiously panting— shutting his eyes, squeaming— imagining what could’ve happened to her. M-Maybe she’s frozen right now, so cold, m-maybe she got kidnapped somehow— maybe she got cracked, or worse, shattered!

Steven accelerates— faster than the speed limit— so he could get to her. Why— Why did he leave her at home, away from him! M-Maybe he could’ve kept her in the glove compartment— and visited her during his breaks! Or, or, maybe he could’ve brought her along in his backpack, and he could’ve sneaked with her to the bathroom, have a little fun—

As he arrives home and slams the car door, he starts... imagining things. Him caressing her, kissing her better, taking her all for himself— _she’s mine, mine, mine_ — made just for me— _made to wash all my sorrows away— cure my loneliness. This gem, she was made for me!_

He gets aroused as he stomps across the beach— he sees himself using it, abusing it— exploiting her for pleasure. She’s so vulnerable, so submissive, so quiet and accepting, so nonjudgemental in that state. She was so quiet for him now, they could easily be in private again, undetected— oh, he nearly unbottons his pants as he slams open the beachhouse door as he rushes in to his room to see her and—! 

“Oh! Steven,” smiles Pearl, turning her back on him.

Huh?

“Isn’t she perfect?” she says as she faces him— and he looks down— seeing Spinel’s gem cradled in her hands. 

No.

Pearl smiles. 

”The perfect cut.”

***

Steven remains frozen in place, clenching his hands as he sees Pearl hold Spinel.

His Spinel.

“W-Where did you get that,” he mutters — with a hint of desperation— then clears his throat, trying to look aggressive afterwards. 

“Oh, well, I decided to do you a little favor today since you were so busy with work— so I did your laundry for you!” she says as she gestures her hand to his pile of clothes on the couch. 

“But it seems I found a little... lost treasure, is it?” Steven winces. 

“Get. Away. From her,” he grunts, breathing heavily.

Pearl clears her throat.

“This will be fun,” Pearl says aloofly.

“Huh?” he squints. This isn’t this fun! This is terrible!

“Aren’t you the lucky one?”

“What?” he scoffs.

He raises her hand up, admiring Spinel’s gem— “her cut is perfect, and she’s pink, as well.”

“St-Stop that!” he yells. 

“She’ll bring you endless entertainment...” she jests.

“GIVE HER BACK!” Steven shouts as he lunges to her, gripping her wrist— “SHE’S MINE—!” 

They struggle together, Steven digging his nails onto her, trying to reach up to grab Spinel— but Pearl’s too tall— “Ugh! Agh! Give me!”

“This will be fun,” she repeats, as she’s being shaken by his aggressions. 

“STOP THAT!!” he yells in frustration, flushing pink.

“Aren’t you the lucky one—?” she continues, trying to induce anxiety in him. 

“PEARL, GIVE ME BACK SPINEL—“

“Steven,” calmly says a voice below them, despite the violence and the tension above her.

“H-Huh?” 

It was Sapphire, unfused from Garnet. Her hands are patiently clasped together. 

“Let her go.”

“But—“ he whines. 

“Let it go,” she concludes, referring to the gem. And the conflict.

“But she took her— she’s my—“ he doesn’t want to admit they were in relationship— so he shuts his eyes, loosening his grip. 

Steven growls. 

_Fine._

He lets Pearl go. 

“Thank you,” she says. 

“Steven. We need to talk.” Pearl sits down on the couch— Steven rolls his eyes as he sees her take Spinel with her. 

“Is that why you’re unfused? Why just you?” he asks, looking down at Sapphire, confused. 

“Yes. I’ve recently come across a startling development I feel you should be aware of.”

“Wh—?”

“It’s Spinel.”

Steven groans and crosses his arms. Of course. Spinel’s always the problem, isn’t she. 

“What about Spinel,” he says. 

“I can’t see her.”

“Huh?” What does he mean by that? She’s right there in Pearl’s hands.

Spinel brushes her bangs out of her face, revealing her eye. 

Her mind’s eye— reminding Steven of her gifted clairvoyance. 

Out of sight, out of mind, right? 

“Her. With my future vision. I can’t see into her future.”

“Your future, Steven,” she says with urgency, startling Steven. 

“W-What?” he flinches, bringing a hand to his chest.

“Ever since there was a schism in Spinel— causing her to diverge into three seperate personalities— I haven’t been able to see into her future. Our future.”

“What? Why?” 

“She’s responsible... for creating three seperate timelines, Steven!” she tells him in a panic— gripping his arms and shaking him— he’s never seen this worried, and she’s always so calm, composed and collected. 

“I-I can’t see— because of her! As long as she’s here with us, here with you, with these altars, I’ll never be able to see a clear vision of the future!” she begins. 

“Instead, I see multiple, multiple outcomes— more than before. She’s created all of these new... stories! All so wildly different from eachother, with radically different outcomes.”

Each based on her different personalities, he thinks.

“You have to get rid of her, Steven,” mutters Pearl, who was leaning against the sofa. “She’s a danger. A liability to us all,” says Pearl, as she carelessly tosses Spinel’s gem beside her.

Steven winces at the sight— but he composes himself. “No! Never! She’s my—“

“Girlfriend?” Sapphire interrupts coolly.

How’d she know?!

“What! But I thought your future vis—“

“In every timeline, she becomes your girlfriend, Steven,” she concludes.

...Girlfriend?

In... every timeline? I—

Steven blushes, embarrassed— choking on his breath as he taps his fingers together, looking down. “Mmnn...”

“Hm...” he can’t help but smile, his chubby cheeks enhanced.

“R-Really?” he mumbles shyly, looking up. He can’t help but like hearing that. In every timeline, she’s with him... gosh. 

“Yes,” replies Pearl monotonously. She doesn’t seem too happy to possess this knowledge. 

“W-Well, good! Because she’s staying with us!” he stammers, tensing up. Trying to toughen up— show ‘em what he’s got—! “In every timeline! She’ll be with me, forever! You can’t stop that!” 

“Not with you forever every timeline, Steven,” Sapphire says coldly, concerning Steven. 

“Huh...? What did you see?”

“Oh, I saw multiple different things. Several unique timelines. All affected by Spinel and her alters.”

“Hm? B—“ she raises her finger. 

“First,” she begins. “You’ll live happily with Spinel—

But with three complicated alters, switching every day. Forgetting what they did the last time they switched. Forcing you to relive almost every day with them. Unable to bear children, unable to assimilate into life on Earth. And you will run your gem colony, Little Homeworld, for life,” she says. 

“For life—?” he doesn’t like the sound of that.

“Another timeline— you seperate from Spinel after dating— never seeing eachother again as she returns to Homeworld— and you return to Connie.”

“C-Connie?”

“And you’ll have a healthy, fulfilling relationship for the rest of your lives in Empire City, as she holds a successful, high-paying career. A life of travel, education, and pleasure, for just the two of you after you’re wed.”

“Just the two of—?”

“She won’t be able to bear children in this timeline.”

“No children—?” but he’s always wanted children, always wanted his own human family! 

“However— in an alternate timeline, you will have children.”

“I-I will?” he asks, a bit— a bit excited— and relieved. 

“And Connie will have an incredibly successful and busy career, leaving you two with an abundance of wealth and luxury— and two beautiful children—“

“But she’ll be so preoccupied, you’ll be left to raise the children mainly on your own. Leaving you very, very alone.”

“I...” he grits his teeth. 

“Your relationship will drift— but you have your children to bind you together for life.”

“Mm...” he looks down, upset. Is... having children really worth it if he’ll likely divorce Connie?

“In another timeline, you’ll actually marry Spinel.”

“M-Marry? But she’s a gem—“

“On Homeworld,” Steven gasps. “She’ll be your princess, and you will regain your throne and become Prince of Homeworld, ruling alongside the Diamonds.”

Steven cringes— he has to live on Homeworld... with the Diamonds.... forever? Is that worth being with Spinel?

“Losing your chance to assimilate back to Earth’s society entirely.”

“What?! Why!” Why wouldn’t he— he’s half human! He’s passing! 

Sapphire just stays silent, only to continue again.

“And lastly, the last timeline I saw: you and Spinel on Homeworld— but her ruling, controlling White Diamond, shattering Yellow and Blue. With you as her prince— her lost treasure.”

No way. 

“That— that can’t be—“ he stammers, in shock— her plan could actually work?! He can’t let this happen!

“Oh, but it is!” cuts in Pearl. “It seems with all these crazy timelines, she really will bring you endless entertainment—“ she says as she picks up Spinel’s gem, cupping it.

“Your... old best friend,” Pearl raises her hand up slowly— squinting in deep focus— bubbling her gem and sending her away.

“Spinel.”


	57. Your New Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie sleeps over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofread!
> 
> What to expect this arc:  
> • Heart/Steven  
> • Spade/Steven  
> • WAY more smut. If you don’t like smut I’m sorry.  
> • Spinel/Lars.  
> • SO MUCH FLUFF with Heart.  
> • So much violent sex w/ Spade.  
> • Empire City, the mall... Steven and Spinel even go to [INSERT COUNTRY HERE!]  
> • EMO, AGGRESSIVE STEVEN...  
> • Pink Diamond Steven...

Steven drops to the floor on his knees, heartbroken after seeing Spinel’s gem bubbled away so... impersonally. 

“She... really does have the power to  ruin my happily ever after, doesn’t she. That’s why things were so much better after she left Earth, weren’t they.” 

Just as when she thought she was his fairytale ending. His storybook romance. 

Pearl stands and rests her hand on his shoulder, comforting him. “I’m sorry, Steven. We had to warn you of this as soon as possible. I just wish... you hadn’t lied to me. You said she returned to Homeworld.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. Pearl notices Steven trembling.

“I don’t like how dependant you’ve become on Spinel, Steven,” she observes. “I think you might need... other friends.”

Steven gulps at the sound of that. Other friends? Spinel won’t like that at all. She’s so possessive over him.

“Don’t let her control your life, Steven,” Sapphire says, breaking the silence. 

That sounds ominous. 

“Why don’t I invite Connie over tomorrow? We texted and she seems fine now that you’ve healed her— she’s off of school since the accident.”

Ah. So she knows they kissed. 

“And your father wants to see you,” says Sapphire. “Check the box.”

“Wh— What box?”

Sapphire ignores him, and walks back into the temple to Ruby’s room, likely to refuse. 

Okay. 

Pearl was dialing Connie’s number on her phone— standing up— “...Hello? Connie! It’s so good to see you. I was hoping if you could visit us and Steven tomorrow for a sleepover!”

Sleepover—?! 

“Oh, you will! That’s great! We’ll see you tomorrow afternoon. We have so much to catch up on! Thank you. Okay, okay, bye-bye,” she clears her throat and looks down at Steven. 

“See, Steven? You don’t need Spinel after all,” she says. 

“Huh?”

“She’ll bring you endless entertainment,” Pearl says as she walks back to the temple— entering the door. 

She looks back, glancing at Steven slyly. “Your new best friend, Connie.”

Steven groans, lifting himself off the ground now that he was alone in the living room.

He was gonna run to the bubble dungeon and free Spinel, but maybe Sapphire and Pearl are right— he really is too dependant on her, and maybe she is controlling her life. I mean, he was completely dysfunctional today without her gem. He nearly got in a car accident speeding like that just to get her. 

And maybe it’s for the best, considering Spade is now in his life— who slit his neck and tried to kill him. Even at her dying breath. 

It was like a suicide mission, he realized. She didn’t care if she got poofed— maybe even shattered— as long as she succeeded in assassinating him. 

So sick and twisted. 

Instead, Steven just cleans his room— replaces his bedsheets— in preparation for Connie’s arrival tomorrow. 

Maybe this was meant to happen. Maybe he deserves a calm life without Spinel. 

And Spinel.

And Spinel. 

Endless entertainment, it really was. 

**

Steven had waited outside for Connie’s dad to drop her off by his place, just in time for their sleepover tonight. 

He... was strangely excited, actually. 

He needed the company. Desperately. Real human touch.

He hugs himself for a moment, only to see Connie’s car to arrive. 

There she was. Connie Maheshwaran.

His future wife. 

Connie waves goodbye to her dad, holding a bag. She smiles as she rushes up to Steven— “Steven!” 

“Connie!” he waves, a hand in his jacket pocket. 

“Steveeeeeen!” she laughs as she gets nearer, and drops her bag to open her arms. 

They hug— wrapping themselves around eachother, rocking eachother’s bodies side to side. “Mmm...” she mumbles, and he feels her warmth— her heart beat against his chest.

Oof, that hits the spot. 

No lifeless, glass gem here.

A real human being.

They part, and Steven picks up her bag for her. “It’s... really nice to see you, Connie. You have no idea,” he tells her as he guides her back to the beachhouse. 

As they walk, Steven recalls all the memories they shared here together. What was he thinking, letting his Connie go? All because he couldn’t accompany her to college. 

Connie takes his hand, leaning against his shoulder, and playfully swings it back and forth a bit. He smiles shyly. 

She was supposed to go to another university, four states away— with a full scholarship, free housing, and an internship— but she made the decision to stay in Delmarva to be closer to Steven. 

She made that incredible, selfless sacrifice for him, he recalls as he squeezes her arm lovingly. 

Not to mention, she’s giving him a future. A family. A new home.

What does Spinel have to offer him? 

Steven holds the door open for her, letting Connie inside. She waves at Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, who were all seated, waiting for her.

Steven gestures at Connie.

“Here she is, my old-new best friend, Connie,” he says.

“A pleasure to meet you all... again, hehe,” she says as she bows— not like a jester, but like a knight on duty.

“Cooonnieeeeee!” yells Pearl as she rushes up to Connie and hugs her. “Mmm! I’m so glad you’re back! Steven— it’s your new best friend!”

“Oh, snap!” says Amethyst, lifting herself up after laying on the couch eating marbles. “Hey Mahey-shway!” she says, holding her by the waist and lifting her up— giving her a big squeeze. They then do their secret little handshake, made just for the two of them. Connie takes off her coat and hangs it, and Steven follows. 

Connie then waves to Garnet and walks up to her, giving eachother a hug— kissing her on both cheeks, one for Ruby, and one for Sapphire. Garnet rubs the top of her head as she pulls out her chair to sits down. 

Steven sighs in relief. Connie... really was a Crystal Gem, wasn’t. She really was a part of their family. 

Spinel was never this friendly with the gems. Suddenly, Steven feels a hand over his shoulder— “isn’t that lovely?” whispers Pearl, hovering above him as they see Garnet and Connie catch up on the dinner table. 

Steven closes his eyes in defeat, wrapping his arms around Pearl. “Yeah. It really is.”

He really does have a future with Connie. 

Steven pats Pearl’s back before walking over to Connie and Garnet, sitting down across them. They first talk about intellectual pursuits— science, math, philosophy, and the like— discussing Connie’s education, appealing to Sapphire’s interests, and then they talk about exercise and sports— as Connie plays tennis— catering to Ruby.

Steven tsks, tsks, tsks as he watches them together— in perfect sync with each other, he realizes.

Of course Garnet likes Connie so much. She’s intelligent and calm, like Sapphire, and athletic and strong, like Ruby. And like Garnet, she was perfect. 

Isn’t that cool.

And no wonder Garnet dislikes Spinel. She’s so unstable, she’s been split into three seperate personalities that completely conflict with eachother, fighting inside her mind every day. Pure chaos and disorder— totally dysfunctional. 

And isn’t that cruel. 

Steven realizes it’s getting late now, so he stands up, putting his hands in his pockets and tilts his head, gesturing for Connie to go in his room for bed. 

They wave goodbye to the gems, and Steven wraps his arm around Connie’s waist as they go up the stairs together. Pearl nudges Amethyst excitedly, knowing her plan to get them back together worked— Amethyst feigns a smile, knowing she’s betraying her best friend. 

But still, she’s happy for him. 

And even happier he won’t leave her for Homeworld— she belongs on Earth, her real home. 

Steven closes the door behind him and puts Connie’s bags down on the bed. “Welcome home,” he mumbles. 

“Gosh, I haven’t been inside your house in forever! It feels good to be back,” she smiles, clasping her hands together eagerly as she looks around the room. 

Steven senses how her presence totally lightens up the room— improving the mood. “Yeah. It does.” 

Connie opens her bag and picks out her pajamas for the night— Steven watches her as she begins to unbutton her sweater. Steven walks towards her, behind her, and brings his arms under hers. “Allow me,” he says— leaning his chin against her shoulder. She sighs— finally releasing tension from the long day. 

He nuzzles her cheek, feeling her silk hair press against him, sniffing her expensive conditioner, and unbottons her shirt. He gives her a warm kiss on the cheek, and unclothes her. He then trails his hands down her stomach— making her gasp— and unclasps the button on her jeans. She herself rocks her hips so he shimmies them down for her. She lifts her legs one by one, taking the pants off, revealing her lace underwear, worn for him. 

Steven grabs her shoulders and turns her around to fully admire her. Her beautiful skin. Her rosy cheeks. Her strong eyebrows. Her youthful face. 

She was so beautiful. 

Steven brings himself closer to her face and closes his eyes to kiss her, and she reciprocates. They part. “I’m... I’m so excited to see you, Connie,” he murmurs. 

“I’m excited too. Thank you... for healing my nose the other day.”

“No, no. Thank you for saving me,” he glides his hands down her arms to hold her hands. He looks down, ashamed. “And I’m sorry she hurt you. I was supposed to protect you— b-but I was too weak,” he mutters. 

“No, don’t... don’t say that, Steven. It’s okay.”

He grips her tighter, “no, it’s not. I gave in. She played me— pretending to play innocent. I-I thought she changed. I couldn’t bring to hurt her— and because of my irresponsibility, my weakness, I failed you. Failed us.”

“But you stopped time. You saved the day,” she says as she raises her hand and cups his cheek. 

“I’m... sorry you had to see her that way,” he winces, shutting his eyes at the horrible memory of her being tied to a column. Of her crying, screaming for his name. Exposing to Connie Spinel’s dependency on him. 

“It’s... fine. I try not to think about it. She’s in the past now. Pearl told me she’s inside her gem now, bubbled.”

She kisses him on the cheek. “We’re safe from her, now,” she smiles.

He flinches at the sound of that. 

He... didn’t really like that. 

“Connie, she’s. She’s not—“

“A monster?” she lets go of him, pointing at her face still covered in some stitches. “You— you still treat her better— want her around, despite what she did to me?” 

“Y-Yes—“ he whines— “she deserves it—“ his voice cracks. 

“But she tried to kill you!” she raises her voice in disbelief. She can’t believe this. 

Steven crosses his arms and scoffs. “So? Everyone’s tried to kill me,” he says unfazed, unamused, tapping his foot on the ground. 

“ _I_ HAVEN’T TRIED TO KILL YOU!” she herself scoffs, slapping her hands on her thighs. “I’m the only normal thing in your life!” 

So? Steven likes abnormal— abnormal like Spinel. 

“No, you’re not, Connie. You’re always away, you’re not even a stable part of my life— you barely have a presence in my life, never visit— y-you can’t even have sex with me, despite dating me for like, three years,” he rolls his eyes. 

“T-That’s because—“

“You’ve known me since I was twelve, yet you can’t even grow up with me and take this next step in our relationship. I don’t understand.”

She stomps her foot, frustrated. “That’s EXACTLY why!” 

“Huh?” he tilts his head, taken aback. 

“That’s— that’s exactly why I can’t sleep with you! Because we’ve always been childhood friends— and— and I’m scared to lose that! Scared to let that go!” 

“Connie...” he. He didn’t know that. 

Connie starts tearing up, stammering— Steven’s never seen her so agitated before. 

She shakily grips onto his arms. “It’s just that— everything’s moving so fast— college, my parents, my life, I’m— I’m LOSING EVERYTHING! LOSING MY CHILDHOOD— I’M ONLY SIXTEEN— and, and—“ she mumbles looking up at him— “YOU’RE THE ONLY THING THAT’S THE SAME! MY BEST FRIEND— AND I DON’T WANT TO CHANGE THAT,” she confesses. And then she gasps— bringing her hands to her mouth. “Mm—...”

Steven furrows his brow, looking down at her. “You don’t... want to be together, romantically? You wanna stay best friends?”

“Mmn— mm— no, no, I love you very much, Steven. I want to be with you— marry you someday,” she says as she holds his hands. “It’s just that everything’s changing, and it’s out of my control and it’s all going so fast, I’m overwhelmed—when I look at you like this— looking at my naked body as my boyfriend— it scares me because you’re the only one in my life who was actually—“

“—The same,” he says, completing her sentence. He sighs deeply, shutting his eyes. 

Connie nods— and Steven leans his forehead against hers, feeling her. 

They stand like this together for a moment. 

“I understand,” he mutters as he lifts his chin up to kiss her forehead— and she squeams. 

“You’re... not mad?” she asks, one eye shut.

He rubs her arm. “No, Connie, I’m not.”

“But... you wanted this so bad,” she blushes, referring to them finally having sex tonight. “Our happily ever after.”

“There’s no such thing as Happily Ever After, Spinel,” he sighs, shutting his eyes. 

Connie’s eyes dilate— “W-What?”

Steven blinks. “Huh?”

“S-Spinel—“ she stammers. 

“D-Did—“ he brings his hand to his lip— “Did I say—?”

“Spinel. You said her name.”

Steven gasps. “M’— m’—“ he tries to cover for himself, but he shuts his eyes and sighs.

“That’s. That’s right,” he says firmly. “I accidentally said Spinel, I’m sorry.”

“W-Why— Why do you still think about h—“

“—Because I love her, Connie,” he cuts.

And Connie just gives him this _look_.

“M’— m’— pfff—“ she starts... cracking up— “What?!” 

Steven blushes in embarrassment, frustrated. 

She starts laughing, bringing her hand to her mouth. “Mm— hahahaha! That’s— that’s so funny!” 

Steven furrows his brow, pouting. “What! No it’s not! Why!” he clenches his teeth— and curls his hands to fists. 

“Because— you’ve known me for years, and you’ve always crushed on me— but then she waltzed in out of nowhere, threatening to kill you and the planet, including me— pffhahahaha—“ she giggles sweetly, but it stings for Steven so badly. “But you fall in love with her anyway!” 

Steven— didn’t realize how crazy that was, but he commits anyway. “And! So— so what! She’s mine!”

“That’s what you said I was, too!” she laughs even harder, her eyes shut, not even looking at him. “You’re so silly—!”

Steven cringes, exposing his gritted teeth. Hahah, no, um, you don’t understand. She’s literally mine. She was made for me. And she still is, 6,000 years later, ha ha. Way more valuable to me than you now. That’s funny, right?

At least he found that entertaining.

Steven pats his thighs.

“Um, actually, Spinel’s mine because—“

“She’s your mother’s Steven! She’s not yours!” she scoffs, playfully rolling her eyes. 

Steven tenses up— “y-yes she is!” he whines. 

“No, she’s your mother’s—“

Steven shuts his eyes and screams— “I AM MY MOTHER, CONNIE!” he says, pinking up for a second. 

Connie just looks at him with her mouth gaped. “Steven, no, you’re not—“ she reached out for his hand, concerned— 

He smacks her arm away— “Yes. Yes I am— I’ve been— dreaming her memories again. Seeing flashbacks. I’m connected to her, more than ever.”

“And— and—“ she adds intensely. “It’s because of Spinel, isn’t it?! Because she was hers— so you’re getting all these memories—“

“Yes. Spinel. She was mine,” he concludes. 

“No, no she wasn’t!”

“But we’ve met before,” he tells her. 

“What—?! You’re crazy— she was in a garden for 6,000 years!”

“I knew her, Connie— I walked with her—“

“Once Upon a Dream, Steven! In a dream—!! A memory that isn’t your own!” she shouts, panting. 

“But I _know_ her— I know what she’ll do, now ! They’re all visions!”

“No— no—“ she shakes Steven. 

“She’ll love me at once, the way she did — once upon a dream! She’ll love me just like she loved my mother!”

“No, she’s not! She was a stranger— she still IS a stranger— look at her, she’s now multiple strangers!” 

“But don’t you remember—? We’ve met before... once upon a dream,” he concludes, smiling at the memory of Spinel hugging him in Pink’s arms, telling her she loves her— loves him.

Connie groans loudly.

“Ugh! You’re just— you’re just crazy! You’ve become just like her— she’s made you crazy!” she stomps herself to bed and tucks herself in, fuming. She takes a pillow and fluffs it to press her head down on it, going straight to sleep, shutting her almond eyes.

She took a pillow. 

Her. Pillow.

The one that belonged to his Sleeping Beauty.

Steven raises his arms up and nears Connie— “h-hey, um, Connie?” 

“What,” she says between gritted teeth. 

Steven shyly rubs the back of his head— then he taps his fingers together, blushing. “W-Well, um, I was just wondering if— if I could take that pillow instead— I-I have a cleaner one for you— cough—“

“No. I’m fine with this one, thanks.” She mutters crudely as she moves her head to face the other side.

Steven looks down at her, his brows furrowed and his teeth gritted, awkwardly. 

Why... does she seem so ugly, now? 

Just when he thought she was beautiful just a few minutes ago. 

He leans down on the bed and grips on the pillow— “Connie, give it—“ 

But Connie takes it in her hands, gripping at it tighter— “No, no— I’m not letting you keep her—“

“Connie. Give her back—“

“No— no! Not again!”

“She’s mine, come on—“

“And I was yours too! I was your best friend first!” she whines. 

“CONNIE—“ he pulls as hard as he can, finally taking it from her.

He sighs loudly. He can’t believe she was so... petty. 

She was still sixteen, after all. 

Maybe it’s time he sought older women from now on.

Connie covers her chest with the blanket, panting as she looks up at him.

She looked pathetic. 

Steven starts walking out the door with the pillow in his arm, against his chest. 

“W-Where are you going?”

His eyes are closed as he walks, and he doesn’t even face her. “I want you gone by tomorrow morning.”

**

Steven trails down the stairs with Spinel’s pillow and takes a blanket, sitting with it on his lap. 

He brings the pillow to his chest and hugs it, closing his eyes. Smelling the scent Spinel left behind. 

Strawberries.

He nuzzles against it sweetly, reminding him of his cuddles with Spinel, drifting off to sleep with her in his arms, as if she had never left him at all.

Oh, how lovely. 

The silly little abdicated prince was still foolishly enamored with his defective  court jester. 

He couldn’t even last with Connie Maheshwaran throughout the knight.

His new “best friend.”


	58. Spinel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven finally retrieves Spinel from Pearl.
> 
> [TW: IMPLIED SELF HARM (SPECIFICALLY CUTTING)]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofread, enjoy

At last, today was the day Steven was going to get his Spinel from Pearl.

His expensive slippers tapping on the marble floor.

Yet... here we are, inside the extravagant halls of Homeworld’s palace instead, for some reason.

Steven is escorted by multiple Ruby guards as he enters his quarters, with Blue Diamond, his guardian guiding him. 

He strides elegantly across the palace— with his eyes shut as his fists are powerfully clenched. Any and all gems who see him along the way instantly bow to him, greeting their crowned prince. 

Steven enters his Diamond quarters and is shown his Spinel on a decorative pillow by his Pearl, who had recently replaced his last one— this chain of events causing Steven to receive this new gem.

He had another one of his tantrums— so this time, he was given his very own Spinel— the first one to ever exist, created solely for him, to pacify him. To keep him company. Distract him.

Tie him down. 

Pearl bows and looks to the floor as she holds it in front of her, and Steven hovers over it in awe and clasps it in his gloved hands. 

He cradles the gem in his arms, gliding his finger over it to admire it. The Ruby Guards leave the room to give him, Pearl, and Blue Diamond their privacy.

He sits on his knees and holds Spinel in his hands. He had been waiting for her to emerge and form for weeks— just in time for his birthday, which was today. 

Steven femininely gasps as he notices her gem is flickering, glowing, and he squeals as he delicately places her on the floor so she can form her body. 

“Isn’t it exciting?!” whispers Steven as he clasps his hands together, grinning at the sight of his future playmate. 

Pearl holds her jealousy and sighs, happy for her new Diamond, who had been suffering for so long. “Yes. It is.”

Blue Diamond comes behind Steven, touching his shoulder to support him, and begins to sing.

_Today, right here, right now ♫_

_You’ll love again ♫_

_You’ve already found someone ♫_

Steven gasps as he witnesses Spinel’s gem glow, floating up in the air— a beam of light appears, and suddenly her form is rendering— her torso appearing—her limbs extending and her head solidifying. He can see two little heart buns on her head.

There she is— his new best friend, Spinel! 

“Hahahehehe, yippeeeeeeeeee!!!” she cheers, her high-pitched voice echoing across the room. 

Suddenly, the light silhouette of Spinel lunges towards him, pushing him to the ground, wrapping her arms around him. She looks directly at him, right on top of him, into his Diamond eyes. 

“I’m so excited to meet you!” she smiles brightly. 

“H-Hello!” he gasps. “Welcome to Homeworld!— I’m your—“

“—Best friend!” she says automatically, almost robotically. “Hehehehehe!” she lifts herself up and stands for him, doing a little dance as music plays.

“This will be fun!” Pearl sings, gesturing at Spinel who’s in front of them. 

“Aren’t you the lucky one?” she continues as Blue Diamond helps lift Steven off the floor.

Steven smiles, so overjoyed to see her cute little face— her romper, her tights, her adorable gloves— lifting her knees up and down, bouncing playfully through a forced grin— solely for him. 

“Her cut is perfect and she’s pink, as well! She’ll bring you endless entertainment—“ Steven giggles as her dance becomes sillier— “your new best friend...” she sings as Spinel nears him and does a spin...

“Spinel!” 

A quiet applause— from a single pale rose, his silk-laced hands clapping eagerly.

Steven Universe— no— 

_Pink Diamond_ , the fourth and youngest monarch of the Great Diamond Authority, squeals in delight at the sight of her new best friend, the one she’s so desperately been waiting for.

Spinel. 

𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟏𝟓𝐭𝐡, 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝟔,𝟎𝟎𝟎 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐨 — 𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝.

Spinel concludes her dance with a little pose, doing a wink for Pink Diamond and her entourage. 

“You!!” Pink Diamond points at Spinel, smiling — alternatively very, very, very happy to see her this time!

Pink Diamonds opens her arms for Spinel to jump into, and Spinel rushes towards her and wraps her arms around her neck, giggling. Pink lifts her up in the air and gives her a spin, making her laugh even more. 

Pink Diamond then brings Spinel closer to her face and nuzzles her against her cheek, sighing. “Mm...”

Spinel grips her tight and rubs circles around her cheek with hers affectionately— “I love you so, so, so, so much, my Diamond!” 

“I-I-“ she hasn’t heard anyone say this to her in so long, not since— “love you too, Spinel,” she says as she then holds her by her waist, lifting her up— gripping her thigh as she leans against her chest, Spinel sucking her thumb like an infant. Spinel presses her lips against her cheek, comforting herself in her new surroundings. 

Spinel buries herself in Pink’s neck and whimpers, scared. “What is this place?” she whispers in Pink’s ear. “Why am I here?”

Pink Diamond then cups Spinel’s chin and makes her face her— singing gently and softly. 

_Come live with us in the palace, ♫_

_there’s a room waiting for you ♫_

_Come on, come on, come on, ♫_

_just let me adore you. ♫_

Adore her? Why! _Oh, this is so confusing,_ Spinel thinks. Why is she here?

“Who am I? Who am I?” Spinel urges, tugging at Pink’s cotton candy hair.

Pink Diamond then walks towards her nightstand, letting Spinel see an electronic image of Pink Diamond’s old Pearl.

“My new best friend, replacing my old one,” she elegantly points as she holds Spinel. 

Pink sighs as she looks down on it. 

“Yes, I know that you’re not her, but you’re like her...” she says as she caresses her pink hair sweetly— exactly like her Pearl’s. 

“You’ll know what it means to love me, and you remind me so much of her...” she cups her cheeks, flushed pink as she was just a newborn. She kisses her forehead, and Spinel smilesfor her gently.

Seems this wasn’t the first time Spinel served as a replacement for somebody. 

And this was only the first of many. 

Pearl leaves the room to give the Diamonds privacy. 

“I knew you’d love her, Pink,” Blue smiles— smiles after so, so long. Things had been so difficult recently after Pink began throwing her little... tantrums. 

But she was determined to make things better.

Pink rubs her thumb on Spinel’s, comforting her as she leans her cheek on her chest, getting sleepy already. 

“I’ll leave you two be. I’ll see you tomorrow morning— remember you have to arrange the next ball, Pink.”

Pink rolls her eyes— sick of all these repetitive parties— and then flutters her thin hand goodbye as Blue shuts the door behind her. 

Pink Diamond walks over to a mattress-like structure with a canopy and places Spinel on it horizontally, allowing her to lay down. Pink Diamond takes off Spinel’s little boots so she could be more comfortable. 

Pink Diamond had always seemed like a bratty teenager. 

But now... she actually was capable of becoming a mother, perhaps. 

Maybe Spinel was meant to be training-wheels for Steven all along.

Pink Diamond herself lays on the bed, and leans on it with her shoulder, admiring Spinel— Spinel wraps her little fingers around Pink’s large index finger— for warmth and comfort. 

Spinel flutters her eyes open after taking a short nap, stretching her limbs dramatically as she mewls a yawn. Pink nuzzles her chubby cheek with her finger.

“‘M’... I don’t know why I’m here, or what this stwange pwace is...” she whines, tearing up after being so overwhelmed. “I’m weally, weally scawed...” she quietly whimpers.

Pink chuckles, and flicks down on her nose, making her flinch in confusion. 

“Hang in there, sunshine,” she whispers softly, smiling down at Spinel. 

Spinel sniffles, her eyes glossing up as Pink hover on top of her.

She’s still shaking.

“Hey,” Pink boops her nose, and Spinel shuts her eyes and giggles.

“Don’t be sad,” she goofily pouts. 

“Your new best friend—“ Pink deepens her voice as she begins tickling Spinel— “your new best friend—“ she says playfully, watching Spinel squeam and giggle— “your new best friend, Pink Diamond is heeeere! Heeheheh,” they laugh together, and then they hug, Spinel squeezing her tight and once again burying herself in Pink’s fluffy hair.

The first of many, many playdates together. 

**

“Mmnn...” Pink Diamond had been “sleeping” for several hours after playing with Spinel all night. They played hide and seek, tag, patty-cake, Spinel says, Marco Polo— they even played musical chairs with the pebbles, with them sitting on pillows! 

It was so much fun! And Pink Diamond desperately needed a distraction from the past months, which were so unkind to her. And she also needed a distraction from her Diamond duties, which had been overwhelming her alongside her depression. 

Pink flutters her eyes open and looks around the room. What... time is it? Pink looks at her rose-gold watch and sees that she’s late for her party-planning meeting with the elites— “Oh, stars!” 

“Mm...” Spinel overhears her gasp, and wakes up, adorably rubbing her eye and mumbling. “Pin... ki?”

“Oh, hi, Spinel dear,” Pink says as she pecks her forehead and lifts herself off the bed— “I-I— I’m gonna be late—“ she says as she slides her silk gloves on and presses a button on her rose gold watch— “yes, hello? Oh, Pearl, thank goodness—“ she says as she slips on her slippers which were on the floor— “I have a meeting right now, and I need someone to watch over Spinel for an hour or two. Can you do that? Oh, thank you, thank you very much!” she hangs up, and makes her way towards her elaborate vanity, rimmed with an ornamented flower design. 

Pretty... 

Spinel lifts herself up, her heart buns almost undone, as she watches Pink comb her hair. The pebbles appear, and pull out Pink’s makeup from the drawers, helping her get ready. Pink does her makeup effortlessly— dabbing pink blush on her cheeks, applying mascara, the pebbles spray her neck with rose perfume, and finally, her translucent pink lip gloss.

Strawberry. 

Created and sampled from a strawberry plant from the planet Earth— a potential colony the Diamonds were surveying and exploring for invasion and conquering. 

Pink Diamond’s future colony— and Spinel’s future home. 

Pink Diamond puts on her pearl earrings— Blue Diamond’s equivalent to Pink’s pebbles, and daintily waves goodbye to Spinel who was sitting on the bed. “Goodbye, Spinel. I’ll be gone for a few hours— don’t go anywhere. Stand very still, okay?”

Suddenly, Pink gasps— and Spinel sees her Pearl. “Oh, perfect! You’re just in time.” She bends down to hug her Pearl— something she was not supposed to do as her servant— and heads out the door. 

Pink Diamond’s Pearl enters the room, and quietly closes the door behind her. “Hello,” she says. Spinel slips on her boots.

Spinel gets shy, and looks down at her feet. But she remembers her newfound duty, her sole purpose in life, to entertain, so she stands up, raises her arms, and does a cartwheel until she’s in front of Pearl. She extends her hand out to shake her hand. “Hi. I’m Spinel, Pink Diamond’s new best friend. What’s your name?” she says in a youthful, high pitched voice, exposing her little teeth— her buck teeth showing.

A little girl, with two buns on her head. 

A tiny bunny rabbit.

“I’m... Pearl,” she says, shaking it softly, as not to startle her. “I’m Pink Diamond’s new servant. I arrived here not too long ago, after serving another superior. I’m also her friend.”

Spinel weakly smiles, disappointed to hear that Pink has other friends. “I’m so excited to meet you!” she says almost robotically, as she’s programmed to do. 

Pearl smiles, and cups Spinel’s hands. 

“How do you do?” she asks, as she herself is programmed to do as well.

“Um—“

“Thank you for bringing joy to my Diamond. I am at your extended service—“ she elegantly bows— “welcome to your New Pearl.”

“T-Thank you,” she mumbles, shyly looking to the side. 

“Let me guide you through the palace walls,” she says, holding her hand and guiding her out the door. Spinel is clinging behind Pearl, following her on their tour.

“What is this place?” she whispers as she witnesses the extravagant architecture, and the intimidating servants passing them by. 

“Welcome to Homeworld, a planet inhabited by gems on the outskirts of the Milky Way Galaxy.”

“Gems?”

“Yes. You are a gem. A perfect cut, belonging to Pink Diamond’s court.”

“Perfect cut?”

Pearl nods. “The first of your kind— the Spinels. You’re very, very valuable, you see.”

Spinel gapes her mouth in shock. “Pink Diamond, as an entertainer herself, was created to bring joy and laughter to the citizens of Homeworld, improving their quality of life and bringing arts, music, and dance to Homeworld’s regimented and laborsome society. Spinels, like you— gifted acrobats, dancers, singers, and actors— are the forefront of this new movement. As you grow older, you will be the one to guide these Spinels in preparation for a new era in Homeworld, after Pink Diamond has received her first colonies.” 

“Colonies?”

“Yes. A very efficient race, gems are extremely capable of swiftly conquering planets. Every gem has a role to play in Homeworld’s regime, either inside the planet it or outside it when conquering other lifeforms— terraformers, builders, disciplinarians, and the like,” she explains as they continue walking. “But you, as an entertainer, are very very rare and unique. At least to Pink Diamond, our superior.”

“I am?”

“Yes. There was... a bit of a disagreement among the Diamonds, as well as their elites, on whether you should have been created. Some thought you and your purpose were a distraction towards Homeworld’s greater goals. But Pink Diamond— she insisted, guaranteed her superiors that she could bring happiness and pleasure to Homeworld, if she could have a new breed of gems to follow her.” 

As they enter the main hall together, standing at the entrance, Spinel can’t help but finally notice that all the elites are staring at her wrong. 

She gets uncomfortable, and hides her face against Pearl, buring her face in her crotch, whimpering. Pearl sighs and rubs her hair, calming her down. Pearl grabs hold of Spinel’s hand and tries to get her to walk with her— but she refuses, pulling her back— so she kneels down in front of her. 

Spinel’s teary eyed, quivering her lips. She can’t help but feel she’s the only “child” inside these walls. The youngest of them all. 

Pearl sweeps Spinel’s hair out of her face— “there, there. I’m here. Don’t pay attention to the Diamonds’ other friends, okay?” Pearl says as she wipes away her tears. 

Spinel weakly nods, sucking her thumb to comfort herself. 

“Let’s go,” says Pearl as she grabs Spinel by the waist and stands up— Spinels wraps her legs around her and leans against her chest as she carries her to another hall. 

“Where are we going?” Spinel asks as she leans against Pearl’s chest, rubbing her peach hair. 

“I have to give an important document to Yellow Diamond, and see if Blue Diamond needs any assistance as Pink is occupied.” 

“When’s Kiki coming back?”

“Uh, who?” she asks. 

“Pinki!” she smiles as she nuzzles Pearl’s cheek. “And Pearlie— you’re Lili!”

“Hmm... okay. And who are you?“

“Lala!” Spinel interrupts.

“Lala?” she tilts her head. 

“Mhm! Because I love to sing!” she giggles. “Laaaaaaa lalalalalaaaaaaa!” Spinel sings in a high-pitched voice, making Pearl wince— but she laughs at her adorableness anyway. “Hah, okay. Well— here we are!”

Pearl places Spinel on the floor— “Okay, Lala, I’m gonna go in but I need you to wait here and stand very still, okay?” 

Spinel rapidly nods, feeling much better— even a bit playful, actually— and Pearl goes inside to talk to Yellow. 

Spinel looks down at her feet, and starts twisting one of them as she grows impatient. It’s only been thirty seconds and she’s sooo bored. She holds her breath— then starts mumbling— until she finally gasps and gives up. 

Pearl won’t mind if she checks out the control room, right? 

Spinel enters Yellow Diamond’s quarters and peeks behind a wall. She sees Pearl discussing something with Yellow, looking up at her. Yellow is surrounded by numerous hovering electronic screens, and she oohs as Yellow Diamond so rapidly and meticulously uses multiple screens at once— tapping buttons, moving sliders, expanding images, analyzing complex charts...

Stars.

Spinel really wasn’t made for Homeworld’s strict and regimented regime, was she. She was an outcast, with her expressive and emotional nature. There weren’t even anything like therapists at Homeworld. 

If only she could live in a planet inhabited by a species that relies on art and culture to thrive, instead. 

Spinel sees Yellow Pearl enclosed in some kind of smaller control room, likely doing her own analysis and commands as well. What are they doing? Playing some kind of game? She wants to play too! 

Spinel tiptoes into Pearl’s room and sneaks in. She sees Pearl distracted, working in deep focus. Spinel airly giggles, trying not to crack up— and she creeps up behind Pearl to cover her eyes. 

“Whaaaa—?!” gasps Pearl, trying to orient herself. She grabs Spinel’s hands from her face and takes them off. Pearl turns around and takes out her gem defibrillator in defense— and aha’s!— only to see that no one was there. 

“Huh?”

Suddenly, Pearl feels someone poke at her, and she gasps— only to be poked again, again, and again, laughing uncontrollably. She fully turns around, only to see Pink Diamond’s playmate playing with her, tickling her. 

“Sto-op that!” she giggles. “What—what is this?” she covers her mouth, confused by the strange new urge she’s never experienced before.

“Um, laughter?” she grins, and flickers her fingers to tickle Pearl even more. Pearl shuts her eyes, and leans against the control panel desk and accidentally presses multiple buttons with her hands. She unknowingly glides her hand down on a slider, and a violent alarm starts sounding, disturbing everyone in Yellow’s quarters.

_ WARNING. _

_ WARNING. _

_ WARNING. _

Spinel stops tickling her and steps back, startled and confused. She sees Yellow Diamond replace the warning tab and sees a video of her— “Pearl! What is the meaning of this!” she says as she furrows her brow, looking away from the camera as she presses multiple buttons neurotically.

“I-I-I— don’t know what happened, my Diamond,” Pearl raises her hand in the Diamond insignia beside Spinel— and harshly stomps on Spinel’s foot— owee!— so she does the insignia for Yellow Diamond as well.

“Playing? You were playing? At the end of Era I?”

“I-I-I—“ she isn’t supposed to be ‘playing’— why did she say that!!!

Yellow Diamond suddenly gasps as she stares at the screen. She starts stammering— “P-Pearl, you—you— you just aborted the entire mission!”

“W-Whaaat?!” she gasps.

Spinel suddenly pumps her arms up and down and starts cheering, even though she has no idea what that word means. “Yay! Abort! Abort!” 

“Shshshshhsshsh!” Pearl abruptly covers Spinel’s mouth— and Spinel lets out a muffled whine— and Yellow Diamond overhears. “Pearl... who was that?” she says coldly. 

“Nobody!” she yells as she shoves Spinel off the camera’s field of vision and she falls on the floor. “Just some nobody!”

Pearl panics as she nears the control panel, pressing random buttons. Yellow Diamond is scolding her— “you reset the fleets, sending them back home— you abandoned the colonists on Callisto, meaning we have to retrieve them on our next mission there— you halted work on the kindergarten— we’re going to lose months— years— centuries of progress because of this!”

“I— I know, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, m-my Diamond,” she says as she types rapidly, trying to fix her horrible, unforgivable mistake. She’s practically a traitor to Homeworld now. 

“Sorry won’t cut it.” 

Yellow Pearl feels like she’s about to faint. Oh stars, she’s definitely going to get shattered. All because of that— stupid Spinel! Yellow Pearl turns around to scream at her, but there’s no one in sight. 

Shit— where’d Spinel go?!

We see Spinel adorably stomping out of Pearl’s control room, muttering unintelligably with a high pitched voice. “Fine! I’ll find someone else who wants to play with me. That game was for dummies anyway.” 

Spinel finally encounters Pearl and peeks behind her, and pounces on her, leaning on her shoulders. Pearl gasps— “Spinel!” and Spinel giggles hammily. “Heheheh, surprise!” she says, eager to play again.

“Spinel, what are you doing here! You’re not supposed to be in here!” she whispers, and as Spinel drops to the floor, she tries to hide her from Yellow behind her legs. 

The alarm stops wailing, instead there’s a quiet warning sign fickering on the screens. Yellow Diamond groans and leans back on her chair, firmly gripping her nose with her glove. Spinel looks up and reads what’s on the screen as the light flashes. 

_ MISSION FAILED.  _

_ NEXT WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY FOR INVASION, COLONIZATION, AND HARVESTING OF THE CALLISTO PLANET: 6,500 YEARS. _

Uh oh. That can’t be good. 

“Pearl. Come here,” she commands her.

Pearl flinches, and grips at Spinel who’s behind her. She grits her teeth as she whispers, tilting her head closer to Spinel— “Spinelllll, what did you do?” 

Pearl and Spinel then turn their heads after hearing footsteps tapping, and are relieved to see Yellow was asking for the other Pearl instead.

Pearl bows down to her superior, ashamed and anxious. 

“Pearl. You realize the justified consequences of your traitorous actions, right?”

“My Diamond, please, I can explain—“

“Silence! I will summon the Topazes so you will be shattered immediately.”

“Oh, no no, no, please—“

A trio of ruby guards surround Pearl, grabbing hold of her— Pearl gasps as she needs to save herself. 

“IT WAS SPINEL!” she shouts at the top of her lungs, shutting her eyes. 

There was a silence, and Yellow Diamond glides her hand down the screen to shut it off. Yellow finally speaks— and her Pearl is sweating bullets. 

“Who... is Spinel?” she asks, finally looking down at her. 

Pearl instantly points at Pink’s Pearl— Pink’s Pearl jolts, and smiles awkwardly between gritted teeth, doing the Diamond insignia for her. “H-Hello, my Diamond.” 

Yellow Diamond squints as she notices a pink gem behind Pearl. She points at her— “Spinel. Come out.”

“My-my Diamond, please,” stammers Pearl as she covers Spinel even more— 

“Pearl, be quiet at once. I want to see this... Spinel,” she brings a hand to her chin, cupping it as she wishes to observe this mysterious gem.

Pearl freezes, and Spinel is seen clinging weakly behind Pearl. She slowly reveals herself to Yellow Diamond, looking down at the floor as her lips quiver. 

_She’s so scawy_ , Spinel thinks. 

Spinel then winces as she remembers her purpose. She shuts her eyes and exhales. 

Suddenly, Spinel turns around and puts her palms on the floor, doing a handstand. Yellow furrows her brow in perplexity— and Spinel playfully taps her feet together, standing on her head, surprising Yellow. 

“I’m so excited to meet you!” she cheers, smiling for her as she’s programmed to do so.

Yellow brings her hand to her chest asshe’s taken aback. Someone’s... excited to meet her? Usually gems cower and hide and run in fear at the sight of her. 

“W-Why, hello there, uh, Spinel!” says Yellow Diamond, extending a sole finger so Spinel can shake it. 

Instead, Spinel hugs her finger and nuzzles against it affectionately, making Yellow blush. Yellow Pearl scoffs as she sees Yellow fall for her cuteness— “w-what! But my Diamond, she’s the one who pressed the buttons and ruined the mission! She’s a traitor!”

“And so are you, Pearl,” coldly replies Yellow Diamond, gazing down at her. She suddenly undergoes a complete change in personality, breaking character, referring to Spinel in a babyish voice, totally falling for her affections. “For betwaying this adowable wittle gem!” she herself nuzzles Spinel’s chin— “aren’t you! Who’s the cutest little girl! You are! You are! You’re Yellow’s little Spinel!” 

Oh, brother. We can see how Yellow Diamond and Steven are totally related now. 

Spinel giggles sweetly, and Yellow Diamond brings her hand to her chin in contemplation, trying to remember what she was mad about again. 

She snaps her fingers. “Now uh, Pearl onto your punishment— what was it again?” seems she forgot, totally distracted and enamored with Spinel. 

“More playtime with Spinel!” Spinel interrupts, smiling with her eyes shut, rocking back and forth. Pearl then picks up Spinel, holding her by the waist, smiling awkwardly. Oh, she’s just so silly, ha ha ha. Please don’t shatter us. 

“More... playtime?” Yellow gasps. “Oh, Spinel, that’s perfect! Pearl—“ she says coldly once again. “You were going to be relieved of your duties and retire in a year, but I’ve decided to extend your servitude.”

Yellow Pearl gasps. “W-Whaaaat! But I’ve already worked for 8,000 years!” 

“And you’ll work for 8,000 more!” she slams her fist down on the table, making the room shake. 

“Wowowowowaah! Hehehe, bouncy house, bouncy house!” cheers Spinel as she jumps up and down with the earthquake, playing.

Yellow Pearl growls as she swiftly looks behind to glare at Spinel— but Spinel just giggles and clasps her hands together. “Heheh, yay!”

Oh. So that’s why Yellow Pearl hates Spinel so much. She forced her to work for another 8,000 years just when she was about to retire.

“Now, Pink’s Pearl, thank you for introducing me to Spinel. Pink’s little playmate, was she? I... I admit I originally opposed to this whole... entertainment movement, but now that I’ve met the future leader of it all I’m very, very, excited to meet you!” she smiles— and Yellow Pearl gasps as she’s never seen her Diamond smile in all the years she’s served her. 

Pearl bows— and Spinel adorably does the Diamond insignia in her arms, and carries Spinel out the door. Spinel drops to the floor, and looks up at Pearl who sighs as she shuts the door behind her.

They’re back in the hallway. 

“Mama?” innocently asks Spinel.

Pearl furrows her brow and gasps— “DO I LOOK LIKE—“

Pearl brings her hands to her chest and sighs, composing herself after surviving another anxious encounter with Yellow Diamond. 

“You’re not mad at me for not standing vewy still?” she asks as she brings her thumb to her mouth again. 

“No, I’m not mad.”

She takes Spinel’s hand so they walk together to Blue’s quarters. “Pink was exactly like you when I first worked for her.”

“She was?” she asks, clinging onto Pearl’s skirt. Pearl nods. 

“Yes, I know that you’re not her... but you remind me so much of her.”

“I do?”

“Indeed. Perhaps that’s why I like you so much.”

Spinel gasps. “You do?!”

Pearl laughs warmly. “Yes, Lala. Like you, I know what it means to love her. I hope we can be friends, too.”

“Best friends!” she cheers.

Pearl nods.

“Best friends,” she replies as they stand in front of Blue Diamond’s door. 

Pearl bends down and opens her arms, and Spinel hugs her. 

“Fowever and ever,” she sighs as she nuzzles her fluffy pink hair— very much like Pink’s.

Aw, they promised they’d be best friends forever. Isn’t that lovely? 

Sigh.

We all know how that ended. 

***

Spinel is seen back in the palace, sprawled on her playrug, hanging out with the pebbles that surround her.

Spinel’s admiring a chart made for her— by Pearl. 

Her tally of “Pearl Points,” rewarding Spinel for good behavior.

Ah. So that’s where those came from.

Pink Diamond is seen on her desk, writing on an electronic tablet, sighing. 

Spinel swings herself up and tiptoes to her Diamond, clinging onto her to see what she’s doing— and why it’s keeping her so busy. She wants to play!

“What’cha doin’, Kiki?” seems Spinel and Pink already solidified their new nicknames for eachother. 

The Little Twin Stars— Kiki and Lala. 

“Ugh. Homework,” she mumbles as she shuts off the tablet and puts her head against the table, groaning with her eyes shut after hours of work.

“Homework?” Good luck, she thinks.

Pink lifts herself back up and shows Spinel her work, and Spinel oohs at her elegant cursive handwriting— fit for royalty. 

“Yes. I’m tutored by Pearl and I have many, many teachers all from Blue, Yellow, and White’s courts. I have courses on calculus, geometry, political science, law, astronomy, geology, the history of Homeworld— I’m being tutored on public speaking—“ she rambles on, counting her responsibilities with her fingers. 

How ironic. While Pink Diamond was more then capable of taking numerous advanced classes, Steven had never even gone to school. 

“The Diamonds... they’re taking over my life. I-I’ve even started sneaking out, shapeshifting into random gems, exploring Homeworld. I even joined a band as the lead singer! But no one knows it’s me, heheh.”

Explains why Greg and Rose clicked so well, after all. They practically lived the same childhoods, under helicopter parents. 

“Wowwee!” she says as she looks at her tablet. “That folder sure is big!” she points at a folder with 10,000 pdfs of schoolwork. 

Seems Spinel was in denial after Pink left her. Pink Diamond was a responsible leader after all, just like Steven is. 

“Oh, but that’s not all. Since I’m a healer, I have to study medicine and herbology in preparation for my life on Earth.”

“Earth?”

“Yes.” She smiles, opening an application that shows Spinel the image of the planet. “Your future home.”

“My future home...?” she gazes down at it with stars in her eyes.

Oh, how ironic. That “nowhere planet” Spinel hated so much was meant to be her future home she was so eager to live in with Pink.

“By Era 2, after I’ve completed all my studies, I’ll finally,” she sighs in relief, “have my first colony, fulfilling my life’s purpose— beyond being a jester and an entertainer for the Diamonds. And finally experience some actual freedom on a new planet.”

“A brand new place to play,” Spinel adds, nuzzling Pink’s cheek. Pink grins, caressing her chubby cheek. 

“Well. Let’s take a break and play, shall we?” Spinel squeals in excitement as she sees Pink Diamond take out a box, and follows Pink Diamond to their rug. 

They both lay down on their stomachs, and Pink pulls out a box of nail polishes— with 50 different shades of pink. 

Not sure what Spinel expected. 

Spinel picks out a color, and takes her gloves off— this representing the end of her “work” day as a playmate— and lies patiently as Pink meticulously paints her nails. 

As she does so, Spinel looks up at Pink Diamond and... gazes in awe as she sees how beautiful she is. 

Her blushed cheeks. 

Her glossy, plump lips, glazed in pink. 

Her rosy perfume— similar to Steven’s cologne.

Her pink, bushy eyebrows— just like Steven’s. 

Her broad nose— like Steven’s. 

Her strong hands— like Steven’s. 

Her large, fluffy hair— like Steven’s. 

Her youthful, chubby face— like Steven’s. 

She then finally hums to herself— exactly like Steven does, who’s so in touch with music and song. 

No wonder Spinel falls instantly in love with Steven. He was beautiful, just like her. 

Spinel wishes she could be a princess too, like Pink is.

(Oh, Spinel— lucky you, you got your wish! Only to throw it all away for a silly, hammy boy— her future son, Steven.) 

But every girl is born a princess. Some just forget, is all. 

She finally concludes, and Spinel puts her palms on the floor— the pebbles all near her fingers, blowing her nails so they dry faster. How considerate. 

What a shame that the pebbles remind Spinel so much of Pink that she grows to treat them coldly once she reunites with them, 6,000 years in the future. 

Pink Diamond then takes her compact mirror and lipstick from her gem and opens the mirror, looking at her reflection. She delicately applies her lipstick, and Spinel nears her face, admiring her. She smacks her moist lips together, and smiles with her eyes at Spinel— making her heart stop. 

That’s what she’s after.

“Do you want some too, Spinel?” she asks. Spinel flutters her eyes, distracted. “Y-Yes please,” she squeaks. 

Pink Diamond then leans closer to Spinel’s face— eerily close to her lips— and applies her lipstick on her with her lips parted. Spinel looks up at her— her cheeks sparkly from her luxurious, expensive blush. Spinel stops breathing, as Pink’s perfume invades her nostrils. 

Such an addictive scent she won’t get enough of. Not even after 6,000 years. 

Pink Diamond wraps up, putting everything away— Spinel was staring at her the whole time, mouth gaped after she had been so close to her. 

Was... Spinel crushing on her Diamond?

God, the dynamic between Steven, Pink, and Spinel was so freaking weird. They see eachother as parental figures, then siblings, then enemies, then abusers, and now crushes. 

It’s as if there’s no fine line between their relationships. The only thing that matters is that they’re together— someday, somewhere, somehow. 

Spinel shakes her head and changes the subject.

“Do you like studying?” she asks, fiddling with her romper.

“Ugh, no. At least not what I’m being forced to study,” she rolls her eyes like a teenager. “I’d rather study the arts, and music, and dance— that’s what I was originally studying, as the planet’s main entertainer, but now the Diamonds are preparing me to become a colonizer like them,” she sighs. “Just the price I have to pay for my freedom, I suppose,” she says as she playfully rolls a pebble, making all the ones around her laugh. 

“The humans... oh, they’re remarkable, Lala.”

“The humans?”

“Yes— the inhabitants of Earth, my future colony. They’re perfect— just perfect! The arts and culture are such an integral part of their society, they can’t function without it, they need expression to succeed— like we both do!”

Spinel stares in awe. She’d like to meet a human, someday, somewhere, somehow...

“The humans, oh my gosh, get this— they do pottery!”

“Pottery!”

“Yes! It’s absolutely remarkable! They create all sorts of useless objects— for decoration!” she scoffs. “Can you imagine? Decoration!” she gestures at her empty room devoid of any expression. “You don’t get that on Homeworld,” she chuckles— and then looks down, a bit crestfallen. She can’t wait to get out. 

Spinel can’t help but clasp her hands together and squeal— Earth! Her future home, with her loving Diamond!

Pink Diamond sighs, and suddenly her lips start quivering. Spinel notices. 

“...Kiki? What’s wrong? You were so happy!” 

Pink wipes away her tears with her silk gloves— as her teardrops fall, she creates new pebbles, instantly being born, made to comfort her during these difficult times. 

Oh, so that’s where they come from, Spinel realizes. That’s... so sad. 

“I’m. I’m sorry, Lala. I know I’m supposed to be a strong influence for you, but it’s just getting harder and harder everyday,” she says as she takes off her gloves, revealing her violent scars. 

Isn’t that lovely.

How convenient that her gloves are so long to perfectly conceal them from anyone. 

Isn’t that cool.

And the reason why they didn’t instantly heal was because she never actually recovered from the trauma that caused them. 

And isn’t that cruel.

“I don’t know how much more I can take,” referring to the Diamonds’ abuse. “B-Before you were born, they actually—“ she chokes up— “locked me up. Again. For disobeying.”

Spinel doesn’t know what to say. She was an entertainer, not a therapist. Instead she just watches Pink cry, breeding even more pebbles as more tears fall on the floor. 

Spinel leans over Pink and wraps her arms around Pink, startling her. Pink hesitantly brings a hand to Spinel’s back— still not used to her affections.

Nobody has treated her so warmly before— and so quickly and unapologetically, too. 

“Hey. Don’t be sad,” Spinel tells her.

“Hm?” 

“Your new best friend—“ she nuzzles her cheek— “your new best friend, your new best friend, your new best friend Spinel is here! Heheheheh!” she giggles as she blows a raspberry on Pink’s cheek, making her finally laugh. 

Spinel lunges herself farther into Pink Diamond, making her fall on her back, her legs flopping up— “Wha-wha-wha!”— and Spinel cuddles against her, with Pink reciprocating, holding her tight... calming down as Spinel massages her hair. 

Her new best friend, Spinel. 

**

A hundred years had passed. 

Pink Diamond... had grown so much during this time. She was more reserved now— finally quiet and still when told to do so, no longer doing silly party tricks on impulse. On time for all her meetings and balls, like the responsible leader she was supposed to be. Smiling and waving to all her loyal subjects who bow to her. 

This had been every day of her life for the past 100 years. And she was exhausted.

She had to, as she finally concluded her studies to prepare for her position as the colonizer and sole inheritor of the planet Earth. 

Project Eden. 

And all this time, Spinel had been following along. Dragging her by her feet, begging her not to go to work . Following her, even when told to stand still. Asking her repeatedly when she was gonna stop working. Calling her via her watch in the middle of her meetings with elites, interrupting. 

Spinel would even disturb Pink in the middle of the night, extremely hyper, begging her to play. 

Or sometimes, Spinel would ask her to rock her to sleep, as she still barely matured. 

And who can blame her, really, as everyday was the same for Spinel in the palace. Playing with the other Spinels, who kept her company, entertaining elites who work for  Pink, waiting for Pink to come home, pulling pranks on the Pearls to pass the time...

Oh, you know. The usual. 

And when Spinel got into trouble, it was Pink who had to pay the price.

It was infuriating her at this point. 

Thankfully though, Pink had finally grown out of her tantrums. 

And she was ready to make a change.

But with all changes, they come with a price: protests from rogue gems against Homeworld’s totalitarian regime. Victims of the Diamond’s cruel iron fist. 

And the fact that the riots started weren’t helping either. Spinel and the other gems didn’t understand what was going on. 

They were all too innocent, loving, and stupid. 

Just like Pink used to be. 

Pink Diamond exhales and shuts her eyes as she opens the door to White Diamond’s quarters— the ruler of all of Homeworld and the supervisor of all its colonies. 

It’s because of her, that she was even born.And she can never ever protest against her or criticize her, as she’ll guilt her for it— demanding that she be grateful for being given life, for living such a privileged life in the palace. 

Pink never asked to be born. 

And sometimes, she wishes she never had. The older she was getting, and the more she kept tagging along with the Diamonds to learn and study their colonization process, the more she realized how... horrible it all was. 

And Pink was extraordinarily proud of her heritage. She was proud to be a Diamond— proud to be the one to bring smiles and laugher to all their peoples. 

But now she just really wants to reinvent herself, separate herself from her royal identity. 

And the planet Earth was her ticket home. 

Pink Diamond walks towards White Diamond, with her Pearl trailing behind her, with a holographic screen in front of her, guiding her through the grand palace. 

1,000 rooms. And Pearl has memorized every single one.

Pink bows down to her superior, seated on her throne, and Pearl goes into another hall to give them privacy. 

“Welcome back, Pink. Eager to start colonization soon, are you?”

Pink nods. She... had originally been so excited to have her very first colony. But now she’s lost all interest in leading— instead, hoping she finds a way to escape. 

But she was a Diamond. How was she going to get away with it, undetected? 

“Good, good. You’ve been doing very well in your studies. Perfect grades,” she observes as she looks at a holographic screen of all the classes she’s had to take to graduate. “You’ll begin colonization immediately.” 

Pink was about to squeal with joy— finally! Something exciting!— but she composes herself and instead asks... “About Spinel.” 

“Oh, dear little Spinel! Yes, yes, fret not— she will be accompanying you on your conquest of Earth.”

Pink winces, gritting her teeth. “Um... actually— I was hoping we could give her a new job. A new home maybe. A new... owner.”

“A new owner? But she was made just for you, don’t you remember Pink? She was my gift to you, on your birthday a hundred years ago. Surely you can appreciate my generosity.”

And Pink hasn’t received a present since then, but whatever. They even stopped throwing balls for her— the Diamonds would usually forget her birthday, too. 

“You need your Spinel, after all,” she slyly adds, sliding her long fingers on the screen.

What’s that supposed to mean?

“What! No I don’t!” stomps Pink, clenching her fists. She’s a big gem now! A sturdy, solitary stone! 

“Watch your tone,” White says monotonously. Pink apologizes and sighs, composing herself. 

“Oh, but you do, Pink,” she says condescendingly. “You just showed me you do, with your little outburst like that. Back to your silly little tantrums now, are we? Tsk, tsk, tsk.” 

Pink growls. This was every fucking day with White. And she was always the one trying to trigger her outbursts, set her back. 

White snickers as she sees Pink grow pinker. She reveals a sly grin, gazing down at her. “Perhaps you’re not ready for the colony after all.”

Pink stomps her foot, denting the floor. “WHAT!” 

White remains unfazed by her outburst. “Oh, no, no, no. This simply won’t do now, will it? The Earth can’t have a leader like this, now can it!— sigh— It seems Yellow and Blue will have to start the project instead, taking over.”

“W-What about me? Is that all you needed me for? To be a figurehead for you all? With my little— pretend colony to make you all look good? Show everyone what amazing mentors you are?” she scoffs.

White ignores her. Pink’s got her. 

“Well, what now? I-I did what you wanted. That's it?”

“It seems so. We can just forget this whole thing ever happened, Pink. Turning you, a little jester, into a colonizer...” she scoffs. “What was I thinking, causing so many problems for us, after we’ve scolded you time and time again. Let’s just forget and move on from this... embarassing miscalculation on my part, and focus on the brighter future.”

Pink brings her hands to her chest, panting. 

“How you gonna forget with me around? I'm the source of all your problems! Don't pretend you want me here. What's your plan for me, huh? You gonna put me somewhere? You gonna leave me somewhere? You gonna leave me alone?” she starts hyperventilating. 

White doesn’t give a damn about her fragile emotional state. “You are to stay in Homeworld and continue your duties as the palace jester, and that’s final, Pink.”

“B-But that’s not fair! I did everything you asked! I hosted all the balls, entertained the elites, studied for decades, got perfect grades—“

“Oh, but not perfect. You got a 99 on your Geometry class, Pink. I can’t allow this.”

“But—“

“Retake the course. Then return to me with a new attitude.”

Pink groans. She shuts her eyes, biting her quivering lips, holding her tears, and walks out. 

She bursts the door open, furious, and Pearl was seen waiting for her patiently. Pink storms down the hall. 

“My diamond, where are you going!” 

“Out,” she coldly replies, without looking back. 

Oh, how similar Steven was to his mother. 

**

Spinel was waiting patiently inside Pink’s room, sprawled on the floor as she played with dolls. She was acting with them, performing a little play for the pebbles, with them watching. 

Several hours had passed, and Spinel was starting to get concerned. Kiki promised her she’d come back after her talk with White Diamond. Where’d she go? 

Spinel claps her hands twice and shuts off the light to relax. She lies on the floor for a little while, hearing the pebbles whisper little secrets they’ve learned about the elites in her ear after hiding behind walls all day.

Until suddenly, the door opens, and Spinel hides under the table as she hears two feminine voices giggle to eachother— Spinel peeks her head and sees Pink and Pearl barging in, laughing like teenage girls coming home drunk from a party. 

Her other friend. 

They flop on the couch together— wheezing— at a total high from sneaking out of the palace together and exploring Homeworld, partying. 

Their own little game. 

They had done this numerous times,  excluding Spinel so they could go sneak out together. Like the rebellious teenagers they are.

Even though Pink, Pearl, and Spinel had “sleepovers” together, and did eachother’s nails, and gossipped about elites, Spinel still felt horribly disconnected from the two of them as the youngest.

They still saw her as a child.

And maybe she was. 

Spinel shakes her head and remembers her purpose. She had to stop getting distracted.

Spinel was about to jump up, surprise them, ready to play a game with them— until she suddenly hears a moan come out of Pink. 

Huh? 

Spinel peers her head up to see Pearl on top of Pink Diamond, nipping at her neck— Pink holding her tight. 

What the fuck was going on. 

“Pearl...” Pink whines, “you’re gonna get us into trouble...!”

“They won’t find out,” she assures her, trailing kisses up her neck. 

Seems they didn’t give a damn about Spinel after all. 

They cup eachothers’ cheeks and makeout, their lips smacking against eachother— something Spinel had never seen before. What game was this? 

Spinel covers her ears and cowers under the table, trying to block everything out. The pebbles comfort her, helping her wait everything out. 

Finally, Pink and Pearl wrap everything up— cackling as Pink pushes Pearl out the door— “shshshshsh! Don’t let them see you!” she says— Pearl leans by the door and stands on her tippy toes— and Pink cups her cheeks and they kiss. 

“Goodnight,” Pink says flirtatiously, waving goodbye to her Pearl. 

“Goodnight, my Diamond,” she says playfully, walking down the hallway. 

Pink smiles. “Hahahah, call me Rose!”

...Rose?

But before Spinel can even question that, Pink sighs dreamily and flops on her canopy, falling “asleep.” 

If Pearl made Pink Diamond so happy, made her laugh so effortlessly, what was Spinel’s purpose, after all?

Spinel starts hyperventilating while Pink’s laying down. Why are all these feelings flooding into her now?!

What is her purpose now, if Pink’s found a new— a better— playmate?!?!

_Who am I? Who am I?_ she whispers, bringing her hands to her head, panicking. 

_What are you even saying?_ Spade responds in her head, a raspy, sarcastic voice, appearing for the very first time. 

_You’re the loser of the game you didn’t know you were playing!_ says a sweet voice, Heart, who was now gradually diverging from the host, Spinel. 

Oh, it’s the little twin stars. Now that Pink was gone, there needed to be a new Kiki and Lala— the newborn voices in her head. 

Now, Spinel’s playing another game. 

And this time, Pearl gets to win. 

**

Here in the garden. 

There’s a new game. 

Pink’ll show her how it’s done. Spinel’s seated on her lap, watching the screen, as thousands of humans go by. 

Isn’t that lovely? she thinks, as she watches a baby being born in prehistoric Earth.

Isn’t that cool? She thinks, watching two humans— a man and a woman— kiss, pleased with their new family.

And then Pink covers Spinel’s eyes as she watches the baby get mauled by a wild animal, leaving the mommy and daddy alone. 

Pink holds onto the trembling Spinel and begins to sing to her, calming her down.

_Life and death and love and birth ♫_

_And peace and war on the planet Earth ♫_

_Is there anything that's worth more ♫_

_Than peace and love on the planet Earth ♫_

Pink nudges Spinel to sing along with her. 

_Life and death and love and birth and_ ,  Spinel sings. 

_Life and death and love and birth andpeace and war on the planet Earth_ ,  Pink finishes. 

_Is there anything that's worth more_ ,  Spinel sings. 

_Is there anything that's worth more_ ,  Pink says.

 _Is there anything that's worth more_ ,  Spinel repeats, and they conclude together...

_Than peace and love on the planet Earth..._

It seems Pink Diamond’s wish had finally come true— her very own planet. 

And Spinel was on her lap, accompanying her. They were to depart officially in a week. Pink had already set up her moon base with Pink accompanying her, but soon Spinel was going to move in.

Oh, she was so excited!

After a silence, Pink finally speaks. 

“Isn’t it remarkable, Steven?”Pink says, distracted by the screen— showing the humans playing on Earth.Farming, swimming, fishing...

Steven?

What. 

“Huh...?” mumbles Spinel.

But Pink Diamond didn’t realize she called her by a different name— the name of the son she dreams to someday have— her little daydream as she watches the humans nurture their handsome sons. She continues. 

“This world is full of so many possibilities. Each living thing has an entirely unique experience. The sights they see, the sounds they hear. The lives they live are so complicated... a-and so simple.“

It seems Pink Diamond was finally becoming Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion against the colonization of the planet Earth. 

And with that new title, comes the abandonment of everything that defined her old one— including the company of her loyal little court jester. 

Spinel. 

**

Rose and Pearl are seen whispering inside Pink Diamond’s palanquin on Earth, hiding. 

“Rose, I overheard the Diamonds discuss their plans for the new era. They’re going to abandon your plan— and shatter all the Spinels! They think that they’re a distraction to the regime— and your colony!” 

Rose gasps. “I know— I know. I don’t know what to do! But what about Spinel! I can’t leave her behind!” 

Pearl shuts her eyes. As much as she was pleased to finally get rid of Spinel, she couldn’t abandon her. “Let’s take her with us. She can reinvent herself like us.”

Rose continues— “Save the Earth with us. Start over again. Make new friends,” she clasps Pearl’s hands. 

But then she sighs, looking down. 

“We can’t do that to her.”

“What! Why! She’ll die!” Pearl cries.

“I don’t want her to reinvent herself like us, Pearl. I want her to stay the same forever— innocent, loving— she’s too young. I can’t bear to let her see something like the Kindergarten, or all the battling this game of ours will cause.”

“But she likes games!” Pearl says, trying to convince Rose. 

“Not this one, Pearl.”

“I’m taking her to the garden to  play one last game with me.”

***

It was 2005. 

And Steven, currently a toddler, was seen playing in the park with Amethyst. 

Steven was laughing adorably, and starts tugging at Amethyst’s hair— making her whine— 

And Pearl notices— and she tries to seperate them— but with his clinginess and recklessness he can’t help but eerily remind her of—

“Spinel!”

...

There’s a pause.

Huh?

Amethyst tilts her head in confusion, squinting at Pearl. “Who’s...”

“Spinel?” 

***

2017.

Steven was on his monthly visit to see the Diamonds. He was walking down the main hall of the palace, to the throne room until— 

“Ah!” 

Spinel had jumped on top of Steven from behind, startling him. He pushes her off him, and can’t help but groan and roll his eyes in annoyance to see her again. Touchy as ever. 

“Heheh, surprise!” she cheers, seperating from him to face him— creepily looking up at him, as she was madly crushing on Steven.

“Oh, uh. Hey...” he mumbles, rubbing his arm and avoiding her gaze. 

“Spinel.”


	59. Loser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel get ready for their days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I just wanted to clarify that I headcanon Spinel and her alters as teenagers. 
> 
> While Steven was 16...  
> Heart was —> 14-15  
> Clover was —> 16-17  
> Spade was —> 18 
> 
> Meaning the alters are currently 16, 18, and Spade’s like, 19/20, respectively.  
> I really don’t headcanon Spinel as anything over 19, as someone who just turned 20. <3

“Do you believe in love at first sight, Spinel?” she’s asked. 

“Hm? Why do you ask, Kiki?” Spinel asks as she clings behind Pink Diamond, watching her look at the screen. 

Footage from the Earth, being recorded by gem colonizers. 

And in them, they see clips of humans, living in hunter-gather communities. 

Pink points at a male human— “there,” she whispers, pausing the screen. Spinel sees a strong, tall man with long brown hair. He’s swimming— and then he gets out of the natural pool and dries his hair— his muscles dripped in water.

Pink swoons. 

“Handsome, isn’t he. Oh, I can’t wait to meet him— I’ve only seen him through the holographic screen in the garden, alone, though,” she sighs. “Watching him go about his day from a galaxy away, like a loser,” she brings a hand to her cheek, disappointed.

Spinel nuzzles Pink’s cheek to comfort her— she isn’t a loser! And in regards to her crush, Spinel preferred cute people, like the dolls she liked to play with, but she respects her Diamond’s tastes. 

“I hope you experience love at first sight too, Spinel. With the first human boy you meet on Earth with me.” 

“You do?” 

Pink turns around to face Spinel, and boops her on the nose— casting a hidden love spell on her. “I do.”

And so she did fall in love with the first human boy she met on Earth— with Pink Diamond’s gem within him, as if she were with her like she said she’d be.

***

Spinel had woken up in the middle of the night— the night that she returned to Homeworld after stopping her injector, leaving the planet Earth after losing her little game against the Crystal Gems.

Abandoning Steven Universe. 

Spinel groans as she looks at her surroundings— Pink’s room— had turned into an absolute mess, as Spinel had been celebrating her arrival— and her new job— and her new life— with the Diamonds in Homeworld. 

Playing the same game, on loop. 

She sighs, flopping back on the bed.

With a new player. 

Oh, how glad she was to finally lose a game, despite how desperate she was to win this one against Pink Diamond’s son. 

She had never been so... happy to be the loser of the game again this time.

But this loss wasn’t one after all, wasn’t it? If it was the ticket to Steven Universe’s friendship. 

Spinel feels her hand a bit moist, and she looks down— only to see her hand down her pants, inside her crotch.

She groans. 

Oh, geez. She couldn’t even last a day without pleasuring herself to Steven Universe, could she. And they just met a day ago— and not in the greatest circumstances, as she tried to kill him and destroy his innocent boy-heart.

What was she thinking? Attempting to murder such a handsome and sweet boy like him. 

At least he accepted her apology.

She... just couldn’t help herself, really, she thinks, closing her eyes to relax. She recalls how they first met— how she first saw him in the garden— a place so terrible for her— on that screen... 

He was the only one who made the pain of the last day in that horrible garden instantly go away— even just for a fleeting second— with his charming smile and his goofy face. 

His adorable smile— his fluffy hair— his bushy brows— his strong hands— his broad shoulders— oh, she just has this urge to trail her hands down her pants again— panting at the memory of him— rubbing into herself like last night, thinking of Steven Universe. 

It was love at first sight.

The way he was the first boy she had ever laid eyes on. Pink was right— human boys were so handsome. The way he pressed his hands to his chest, making her heart skip a beat. His pink letterman jacket— her favorite color. His raspy, loving voice— ugh, he was just so cute!

But then she found out he was Pink’s. And that she had survived by her son. 

And that’s when Spade surfaced. Spade had only appeared a few times in Spinel’s life, in the form of her harmless tantrums and pranks— but as Pink strayed from her more and she grew more violent and jealous— and she learned more about Pink’s story from Steven’s message to universe, she grew to despise him— and that love for him she initially had— turned into hatred and vengeance. 

Why?

Because she couldn’t dare to fall in love with Pink Diamond again— even if it was in the form of pure romantic love now. 

She wasn’t gonna relive the same story. 

Yet here she was, reliving  her perversive fantasies about him as she masturbates to him under her trousers, repeatedly massaging her breast in hopes he treats her warmly like this someday under the covers. 

Just to feel anything, really, after deciding to abandon Earth despite him inviting her to stay with him. Start over again. Make new friends. 

She regrets it, of course. But there was no going back now. I mean, even though Steven had accepted her apology, there was no way the Crystal Gems would. In fact, gems like Garnet, Bismuth, and Lapis scare the living shit out of her.

She understands now why they are so protective of him, and love him oh-so dearly. 

Too bad nobody can protect her from herself. 

She couldn’t bear to stay in that nowhere planet— the one Pink promised she’d live with her in, only to be abandoned in the garden— a planet with so much flowers and greenery— like the garden— a place with so many bad memories— like the garden— a place created for Pink Diamond— like the garden. 

Everything went back to the garden. 

But Steven Universe made it all better. He was the only one who saw her trauma, the one who visited the garden with her. 

Held her hand. 

Looked her in the eyes.

Sung to her, oh, so sweetly. 

“Mm—“ Spinel moans as she bites her lip, shutting her eyes to enjoy the pleasure as she flicks her hand aggressively, covering her hand with her moisture. She had initially started soft, like Steven would treat her— but she just got so desperate, so needy— she had to fulfill herself. 

Oh, she fell in love with him, alright. She initially rolled her eyes at his cockiness— bragging to her about how he established peace across the galaxy— oh, what a show-off— but she now found that so, so fucking attractive— _ah_ — that confidence, that boldness, that assertiveness, that fucking arrogance— _FUCK_ — she whines. Oh, fuck, how she taunted him— how he fought her— gripped her rejuvinator, so close to her, staring at her directly in the eyes, furrowing his strong brows— so angry with her— but oh, she was just so happy to finally be alone with him at last— be with him in his final moments on that nowhere planet, like she was supposed to be. 

Even though he rejuvinated her— she understands, he had no choice— she hoped that moment they shared together, so intimate, lasted forever. Even if he hated her— she didn’t care— as long as he paid attention to her— _ah, Steven— Steven, Steven!_

She whines louder, startling the pebbles. 

She... doesn’t recall much of her rejuvinated self, but she can remember his warmth, how she always clung to him— despite what she did to him, he never protested— mm, he was just so kind, and compassionate— so patient, ah— and how adorably impatient he’d get with her when she squeezed him so tight. Oh, what she’d give to wrap her arms around him again— make sure he never, ever leaves her. That would just be— mmf— _swell._

But she felt so heartbroken at the concert— feelings flooding back to her as he abandoned her for his other friends, Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. She— she wanted him all for himself, but she couldn’t have him— so she ran away. Memories of the garden returning. 

But once again, he made it all better. Created new memories with her, replacing Pink’s. She wonders if he’d like to revisit the garden with her? Perhaps he can work his healing magic— kiss the ground and the dead vines and trees— and bring it to life! Perhaps he could kiss her, too, and heal all her pain, help her forget her suffering. Become reborn into a flower, with him a rose. She could entrap him in their garden forever.

And gosh, their encounter on the injector. How he was so happy to get his powers back— the ones she wiped away so cruelly. How he inspired her to change, and saw the good in her when not even his mother did. How he sang to her under the stars, asked her to make a change— anything for her new Diamond!— how the moon shone behind him, how he opened his arms to her, cried for her, asked her for an embrace in the clouds— and she nearly did, but Spade was just so furious, she wasn’t going to fall for his sappy shit—! But fuck, how she loved that— ah— sappy shit! _Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh fuck, fuck— yes! Yes! Ah!_

Spinel lets out a cry and ejaculates, squirting into her panties, leaning back on the bed. She arches her back, experiencing complete pleasure as she moans. Growing lightheaded, getting woozy. Her vengeful thoughts no more. 

Oh my stars. 

She suddenly starts cackling like an absolute idiot— oh, fuck! How she wishes he’d fuck her raw, til’ she can hardly move. She knows he has that power, deep down. She just has to be the one to trigger it. 

He initially imagined him incredibly soft towards her in bed, like the good boy he is— with his healing kisses— but he then she remembered what a bad girl she had been— and how she deserved to be punished, oh, so badly punished by him— maybe he can pull her hair— sink his teeth into her neck— make her bleed as he digs his nails onto her skin— spank her ass so hard it stings and burns hot pink— fuck, she practically buries her hand down her pants again to write a new story— a new perversive fantasy— something to keep her company while she works for the Diamonds.

She bets he can wipe her memories even better than a rejuvinator, make her forget all of her traumas— revert her back to her former innocent, loving self— fuck her stupid. 

When did she get so fucking stupid for Steven Universe? 

And when did she become such a loser?

***

We’re back in the present, and Steven Universe is seen lying in bed. A week had passed since Spinel had been poofed and Connie visited— and he hadn’t cleaned his room since. There were dirty clothes everywhere— a container of cheese puffs spilled on the floor last night— he watched theentire Camp Pining Hearts collection, just to feel something— he finished a huge jug of ice cream to feel better...

you know. What he usually does after a heartbreak. 

Steven wakes up with his mouth covered in dried ice cream— his hair’s a fucking mess— his eyebags are deeper than ever before— his face covered in stubble, too lazy to shave in days... 

He looks down under the covers and sees his hands were under his pajama pants. Masturbating last night as well, apparently. 

Fuck. 

When did he become... such a beast?

And so fucking stupid for Spinel, too? He can’t even remember what he did last night. 

Steven groans as he lifts himself off the bed, wearing a black hoodie to cover his stomach— as he’s gained weight from stress-eating— cheese-puffs being his main comfort food—and he stomps down the stairs, hands buried in his pockets, barefoot. He scowls as he sees the gems seated in the dining table— sooo happy and peaceful without Spinel finally, good for them, he rolls his eyes and blows his hair out of his face— and slams the door behind him as he enters the bathroom. 

The gems ignore him, as he’s been having these teenage mood swings all week. Slamming doors and sneaking out at night in rebellion, subliminally telling them he’s mad and wants Spinel back. 

But they’ll get past this rough patch. They always do. 

Steven enters the room and pulls up his hoodie, exposing his chest. He leans in closer to the mirror, and groans at the sight of all these ugly pimples on his face alongside stubble. Not to mention, his bags were terrible and his hair was a freaking disaster. He hadn’t showered for days, either. 

God, he really was a loser. 

He grabs his brush and combs his hair, in preparation for his shower. He finishes, looking down at his brush, and sees strands of pink hair. 

He gasps— dropping the brush— and starts freaking out. No, no, he can’t be having pink hair! He had so much to live for!

He looks down at the brush and sees that there are multiple strands of pink hair, that it had been used regularly, and that it was actually Spinel’s brush — he sighs in relief. Thank the stars it was just a mistake, huh. If he actually had his hair turn pink, transforming into Pink Diamond, then he’d really be a beast, hah. 

Thankfully, the fairytale aspect of this story is over. 

Or is it. 

He takes off his pajama pants and underwear and steps into the shower, turning on the water. He sighs as he looks up the showerhead, letting hot water spill on his face. He rubs his face, trying to wake himself up, and leans down to wet his hair. He does his usual routine, shampoo— washing it— and conditioner— only to leave it in for a few minutes to wash his body.

He sees Spinel’s bubble bath bottle— the strawberry one— and picks it up. This... wasn’t really the manliest option, but he misses her— and her scent— too much, so he applies it, rubbing circles into his hairy chest, forming bubbles. He sighs as he’s finally relaxed, and stretches his neck by going in circles, moaning as he massages himself. He trails his hand down, fumbling as he grasps his cock,and starts pleasuring him to the thought of Spinel in the shower with him. 

And how could he not, really. He starts slow and gently, as if it were Heart, so soft and sweet, relieving his arousal— but he starts to go faster as he imagines himself in bed with her—  playing with her— stealing her innocence— and then he gets more aggressive of the thought of Spade fronting, pulling her hair, digging his nails into her skin, and biting her lip. Listening to them moan and whine for him in both pleasure and pain.

_Fuck._

He finishes himself off— groaning— and washes the shampoo and soap off of him. He washes his face,  trying to get rid of his horrible acne, and wraps everything up finally. He dries himself, and heads outside— ignoring the gems as usual— and enters his room. 

He flops on the bed with a towel wrapped around his hips, sighing and fanning himself as he’s hot from the shower. He shuts his eyes for a moment, relaxing, until he gets a phone call.

He reads the ID and instantly picks up the phone. Finally, someone who doesn’t wanna ruin his life.

“Dad!”

It seems that Steven’s dad is back from touring around America with Sadie Killer and the Suspects— and he wants to see him. Oh, this is great! Maybe he can convince the gems to free Spinel after all!

Seems the game got a new player who doesn’t know he was playing.

Maybe things were gonna work out, he thinks. Maybe he wasn’t the loser of the game against the Crystal Gems after all. 


	60. New Toy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven visits his father at the car wash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 60 chapters 🎉 🤯

Steven drives up to his dad’s car wash, which had actually been run by refugee Lapis Lazulis while he was away, on tour. 

But thankfully, he’s back— and he’s preparing to move out and finally get a real home after he moved out the beach house. One that isn’t a van with an old mattress. Putting his large amounts of money to good use, finally.

Steven gets down, wearing his pink jacket now, and his dad waves at him as he was waiting outside. “Steven!” he runs up to him enthusiastically— panting as he gets easily tired— and hugs him. 

“Oh, Schtuball— I missed you!” 

Steven pats his dad’s back. “Hey, dad.”

“Son, I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your birthday party. You know how I get around the Diamonds— and gems in general, hah.”

Looks like he still has trauma from the Zoo.

“Don’t apologize, dad. I totally understand. Just wish you weren’t gone for like, five months touring, hah,” he says a bit sadly. He could’ve really used his dad’s support during these stressful times— even if he visited him in Beach City a few times while working.

“I’m real sorry, kiddo. But I hope you know I’m always here for you when you need me— just say the word, and I’ll ditch my tour. Promise.”

“Thanks, dad. But I’m sure I’ll be fine from now on.”

“Oh!” Greg wraps his arm around Steven’s neck, guiding him to the garage. “And Uncle Andy’s back in America, and for your birthday, as a present from us, he says he’ll take you anywhere in the world!”

“Anywhere in the world—?”

“Yup! Anywhere. Paris, France, Rome, Italy, Tokyo, Japan... you name it. You can even bring Connie along, too,” he nudges him. “Romantic, right?” 

Steven chuckles awkwardly and grits his teeth. Oh, brother, he has like no idea what’s going on, does he. Okaaay. 

“Dad. I’m. Not with Connie anymore,” he confesses. 

“Uh, obviously! She’s in college across the state, goofball! She can’t be in two places at once,” he gives him a nudgie on the head playfully, but Steven flicks his hand away, frustrated. “Dad— I’m not fourteen anymore either. And I meant I’m not dating Connie anymore. We broke up a few days ago.” 

Greg’s dad brings his heart to his chest— nearly having a heart attack. “W-What—?” 

Steven shuts an eye and winces at his reaction. “Y-Yeah, I’m sorry, it’s just—“ but he’s interrupted by Greg hyperventilating. 

Oh, stars. Steven pulls up a chair for his dad and helps sit him down, gripping his dad so he calms down. “I’m— I’m sorry dad, I didn’t know how to tell you, I knew it would break your heart—“

Greg inhales and exhales multiple  times, calming himself down. He takes off his jacket and fans himself, as he was perspiring heavily. “I. I don’t know what to say. What happened?” he asks Steven, who pulled up a chair for himself. 

“It’s... okay,” he rubs his arm, looking away. “I don’t really know what to say either.”

“Was there a fight? You guys never fight!” They were the perfect couple! 

“I-I guess there was, but only at the end. I just,” he starts tearing up, his voice cracking, “I couldn’t take it anymore, dad. I was just... so tired,” he whines, pressing his lips together, trying not to cry. 

Greg rubs his son’s shoulder to comfort him. “I’m— I’m sorry, son. I’m so sorry I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he asks with concern. 

“I was just— cough— I was just so ashamed. To. To move on from her, when we had known eachother for years— my first ever friend. And then my first girlfriend. She was with me through everything— she was the only one who could heal me, save me from myself— I thought we’d be together forever— that I didn’t need anybody else— but... I just started drifting away from her. And I don’t know why. I couldn’t let her go, until recently.”

“I understand, son. The same thing happened to me with your mother— she was the first girlfriend I ever had— and I have no idea what a moon princess saw in a dope like me— but I could never actually bring myself to move on from her. Date or marry anyone else. I just couldn’t bring myself to do that, or make your life even more confusing for you without your mother— and with your gem powers.”

“I know, dad. And I really appreciate that. Everything was just changing so quickly— and Connie was studying in-state instead, and I missed the gems so much, and being part of Little Homeschool— I came back. I’m sorry for kicking you out of your room, forcing you to live back in the van.” 

Greg rubs his arm. “Oh, no, it’s great! I was so happy to be on the road again, and now that I’ve started a band and started touring with the suspects, things couldn’t be better! Plus,” he smiles. “I’m so glad you’re back, son.”

“I am too. I just... wasn’t ready to move out yet. I guess I’m not as adventurous as you, I guess, hah,” he rubs his neck. 

“Adventurous! But you’ve crossed the whole galaxy!” he laughs. 

“I knooow, dad,” his voice cracks, “butthat was a great year for me. I visited so many states, grew so much as person... became an adult. But I was ready for a new challenge. Something familiar.” 

“Uh, and that is...?” he scratches his head.

Steven looks up at him, his chin down. 

“Spinel.” 

Greg furrows his brow, confused. “Who?” 

Steven sighs. Of course. Spinel’s just one of the many hundreds of gems dad’s met, most being from Little Homeschool. He obviously wouldn’t remember her name, especially after two years. 

“Mom’s... little playmate,” he cringes at the sound of that, tapping his indexes together. 

Greg lets go of Steven and gasps— “Whaaaaaaat!” 

Steven lowers his arms— “I know, dad—“ 

“But she’s crazy!” 

“I know—“

“And she tried to poison the planet!”

“I knooow, dad—“ he groans.

“And she wiped the gems’ memories and made you reset your powers!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard—“

“AND SHE TRIED TO KILL YOU!” he gasps at the traumatizing memory of him dangling off the injector in her grasp.

Steven lifts his chin up in the air, dragging his hands down his face. “I know,” he says, his voice muffled behind his hands. 

“So— so you’re dating her instead?! Is that it?!” he pants, overwhelmed. 

“Yeah,” he confesses. “I am.”

“B-But she’s a gem!” he tells him. 

Steven scoffs. “And so was mom!” 

“Yeah, but she was normal!” Greg rebuttles.

“She started a WAR and faked her own death because she was bored, dad,” Steven rolls his eyes. 

Oh. Right.

Greg finally submits and chuckles. “Yeah— pff— she did. Guess we both have a thing for crazy pink alien women from space, huh.”

Steven bites his lips and can’t help but crack up with him. “Yeah, I suppose we do, hah.” 

Greg reaches out for him for a hug, and Steven reciprocates, leaning on his shoulder. “I missed you, son.”

“I missed you too, dad. I love you.”

“And I love you too.” 

They both collectively sigh as they part, and Greg suddenly remembers something. “Oh!” he says as he nears the garage and pulls it up, opening it. “Since I’m moving to a real house, I’ve been clearing out my garage!” 

Steven gapes his mouth at the sight of his cleaned garage— almost empty. “Wow, dad. I’m impressed,” he says as he slowly claps his hands together. 

“I... had a little help from Pearl. B-But there’s a few things that were yours from way back! So I thought you should take a look, take anything you might like.” 

“Oh. Cool,” he says, entering the garage. He exposes his stomach and lets his gem light up, serving as a flashlight. He ties his shirt in place so he doesn’t have to hold it. He tugs his jacket down. 

Steven nears several boxes and kneels down on the floor. He coughs as dirt particles from the air enter his throat— and flicks his hand in the air to push them away. He grabs a box with several old toys of Steven from his childhood— and he looks through them, burying his fingers inside in excitement. 

A few “new” toys, he chuckles to himself as he sees them all covered in dirt. He gasps as he sees old stuffed animals he used to play with, and worn notebooks from when he first learned to write. Old DVDs, including Sailor Moon... He also grabs his old tiny toddler mittens and boots for the cold. Holy shit, these were ancient. His whole childhood was in these boxes. 

He buries his hand deeper and feels something plush and soft— like a doll— and pulls it out to see it. 

He... doesn’t recognize this one. Where did it come from? 

He observes its design... which is so strangely familiar to him? 

It’s a doll, with incredibly long limbs— sort of like those little monkeys toys, and it’s of a little girl. She has pink hair, and a little romper, and a big smile on her face, and two little buns in the shapes of hearts—

Steven gasps and lets go of the doll, covering his mouth.

He sees she has a little pastel button shaped like a heart on her chest. 

It was supposed to be Spinel. 

Steven hesitantly picks the doll up again, trembling. It. It really was Spinel. 

And she was tossed away like a ragdoll, exactly how she described in her confession to him. 

Steven rummages through the box, looking for any clues, and finds an old letter— so old it has stains on it. 

𝐹𝑜𝓇 𝒮𝓉𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃.

Huh? 

T-This was his mother’s handwriting. He recognizes it from the label on his tape.

He opens up the letter, gripping it tight. 

𝒯𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝒽𝑒𝓇, 𝒮𝓉𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃. 

𝒴𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝒷𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹.

𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒 ,  𝑅𝑜𝓈𝑒 .

What... the fuck. 

Tears stain the paper, and Steven shakes so badly, he crumples up the paper. 

He squints as he reads numbers on the bottom— coordinates. 

Coordinates to the garden. 

He looks in the box again— to see another letter— dedicated to Nora. Identical to his.

She. She wanted him to retrieve Spinel. She wanted him to save her. She didn’t mean to abandon her after all! 

Steven whimpers— his eyes watering violently— and he runs to his dad, who was sitting down, waiting for him. “Dad!” 

“Wuh?”

“What’s this— new toy!”

“New?” he looks up at him in confusion to see him carrying an old doll covered in dust and dirt. “That’s old! That’s like, twenty years old!”

“Why haven’t I seen this before— it was supposed to be mine!” 

Greg looks up at its pink coloration. “Uh, no, that was for Nora! It’s a girl’s toy!” 

Steven starts to get frustrated and tugs at his jacket— “Dad. I WEAR PINK. IT’S MY FAVORITE COLOR.” 

“How was I supposed to know that when you were a toddler! What’s so special about it anyway? It’s just a rag doll.”

Steven gets infuriated. “You—you don’t recognize her?!” he holds it up so he sees her little heart buns. 

“The...” he squints. “The gem who tried to kill you?”

“Yes! It’s Spinel!”

He gasps. “How was I supposed to remember an old doll from 20 years ago?!” 

“I don’t know!” he whines. “Where did this come from!?” he asks. 

Greg brings a hand to his chin, trying to remember. “Oh! Your mom made it for a crochet class with Vidalia. They were making all sorts of things— scarves, dolls, sweaters, or whatever. She was real into it, making boots and mittens for you, I remember.” 

Steven looks down at the doll, so meticulously made. She was always so articulate and careful. 

His mother... really did make it for him. And she made it so Steven would know what Spinel looked like. So he could be familiarized with her face, even as a toddler. He starts quivering his lip— and whines quietly. “Why didn’t y-you tell me, dad,” he says as he holds it, petting it for comfort. 

“I’m... I’m sorry, son. I didn’t think it was for a boy. She made all sorts of gifts for both you and Nora, boy and girl. I didn’t know that was supposed to be Spinel.”

Steven sighs. “It’s okay, father.” 

He rubs her cheek with his thumb affectionately, swiping the dirt off her face. “I’ll turn her into a new toy again.”


	61. Let’s Play A Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven pursues a new hobby to cope with Spinel’s absence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofread, enjoy

Steven was tapping his hands on the driving wheel as he was out driving at night, to an undisclosed location. He was blasting hard rock, and was sporting his black hoodie and ripped jeans. 

He grabs hold of the rearview mirror for a moment and touches his face, observing the cut on his lip. 

What the hell happened to him? 

And hanging below from his rearview mirror was the ragdoll that looked like Spinel— his “new toy” which he cleaned— he chuckles as she dangles from it and shakes with the car with her long limbs, as if she was doing a little dance for him.

So cute.

As Steven’s humming along to the music, he suddenly gets a phonecall— it was his dad, who usually calls late. He turns off the volume and puts him on speaker, focusing on the road. 

“Hey, dad,” he says, his elbow against the window and a hand on his cheek. 

“Hey, schtuball! It’s your old man. Just wanted to say goodnight before prepping for my gig with the suspects. What’re you up to?” 

“Oh, you know,” his voice cracks, as it usually does when he’s about to lie, “the usual. Heading straight for bed, like a responsible young man, hahah.” 

Yet here he was, in the middle of the night, sneaking out without the gems’ permission. Again. 

“Great! Is Spinel out of her gem yet?” 

“No, not yet,” he sighs. “I’m... kind of worried.” 

“That she’ll attack you again?” 

Steven closes his eyes as he didn’t want to accept it. “Yeah— but there’s a chance she won’t. She has three personalities, remember?” 

“Oh, yeah! Still not used to that. What were their names again? Bubbles, Blossom, and Buttercup?” 

Steven chuckles. “Pff. No. Their names are Heart, Clover, and Spade.”

“Steven... those aren’t real names,”  he says. 

Steven rolls his eyes— but he’s right. They were just names he and Spinel came up with on the spot.

“I know,” he sighs. “I’ll— I’ll come up with better names for the alters, okay.” 

“Got any idea where you’re going for your trip?” he changes the subject, a bit uncomfortable with the subject of Spinel’s mental illness.

“Nooo idea, hah. I’d have to ask Spinel.”

“Y-You’re taking her with you?!” 

“She’s my girlfriend, dad,” he reminds him, for the fifth time. “Of course I am.” Least he could do for destroying her physical form and subjecting her to two weeks in the bubble dungeon, he thinks. 

“I know, it’s just that...”

“What, dad,” he asks, unamused. 

“Doesn’t she... remind you of someone?”

“Who,” he says coldly.

“Well, you know... she has pink hair, rosy skin, a romper, white tights, gloves... like your mother used to. Isn’t that a little weird?” 

“What are you implying, dad,” he says as he grips the wheel tighter. 

“She’s really childish and throws tantrums, like she did... she’s eerily similar to Pink Diamond... Do you really think dating someone so much like your mother is the healthiest approach to a new relationship?”

Suggesting Steven only likes Spinel because she feigns his mother’s lost touch that he craved so badly. 

“She’s all I have left of her, dad,” he says as he brings his hand to his mouth, trying not to have an outburst towards him. What the hell is he saying? “A-And besides, that’s just a coincidence. Doesn’t mean anything,” he adds, glaring at the screen, hoping he kills the battery with his powers.

“Sure, sure... just. Just know she won’t ever fill the void she left behind and replace her, son.” 

Steven’s eyes dilate at the sound of that— his heart sinking to the bottom of his chest— and he nearly crashes into the car in front of him— hitting the brakes at the last second. “FUCK!” 

Numerous cars honk at him as they pass him by, someone even lifting him the finger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard, he grits his teeth as he leans closer to the steering wheel, gripping it tight. 

“W-What the heck was that?!” asks his dad from the phone, worried.

Steven sighs. “Just an action movie I was watching, dad. Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to you later,” he says as he hangs up, not even letting his dad say goodbye. 

As Steven nears his destination, he starts to get pissed— thinking about what his dad had the audacity to say to him just a few minutes ago. Implying he’s in love with Spinel because she belonged to his mother— because she reminds him of his mother— because she looks like and acts like his mother sometimes. What a ridiculous accusation! 

Maybe that explains why the gems want to split them up so bad. Because they don’t want him to grow attached to someone who reminds them of Pink Diamond, their precious leader who lied to and betrayed them. 

Does his dad think he has like, a Pink Diamond fetish or something?! That he just— gets off on seeing Spinel, a gem with pink hair and a little romper and tights and gloves like his mom— near him so intimately?! That’s crazy-talk!

And sure, Clover was motherly and patient like his mother. And sure, Heart was upbeat and peppy like his mother. And sure, Spade was rebellious and hot-headed, throwing childish tantrums like his mother, but those are just coincidences! Pure coincidences.

He grits his teeth tighter— clenching his hand against the wheel— wishing he could just punch something— _what does his dad think, that this is a game?_ — but he’s relieved to finally arrive at his destination. 

Steven steps out of the car, and reads the sign on the abandoned building. 

Empire City Fight Club. 

***

Steven enters the building— met with the stares of brute, intimidating men leaning against the graffiti’d and grimy walls. As Steven walks down the darkened hallway, one guy spits on his feet. He looks up and sees him raise his hand to a fist, trying to scare him away. 

The place reeks of marijuana, cigarettes and alcohol— and he’s eager to ditch this place as soon as possible. 

But he won’t leave without putting up a fight. 

Steven enters the abandoned stadium with his hands in his pockets— he sees groups of punks, outcasts, and criminals with tattoos and piercings of all kinds surround him. Far from the innocent, angelic young boy he presented himself as to the Crystal Gems. A waitress in a skimpy outfit was serving food— grilled sausage on toothpicks— and he takes a few, putting some meat and grease in his body to rile him up for the fight.

Foregoing his vegetarianism for one night. He needed the sustenance.

Despite being a healer... Steven really wasn’t the best at coping with pain, loss, and trauma in a healthy way. He usually buried himself in hours of romance shows to fill the void and ate jugs of Neopolitan ice cream— one jug, three flavors— just like Spinel and all her alter egos. Barely showered. Never exercised. Laid in bed all day. The usual. 

But this time, it was different. He was... angrier than usual. Instead of wallowing in sadness like before. Had more energy and adrenaline. Every time he thought about how the Crystal Gems took his girl away from him just got his blood boiling. How coldly they treated her. How cruelly they treated him. How pettily they tried to sabotage his relationship. Oh, he just clenches his fist and growls at the memory— fuming— just in time for his turn up in the ring, smoke filling the air as the lights hit him.

_Let’s play a game._

Steven steps up into the arena— toothpick in mouth— leaning his chin up and smirking at the sight of his opponent under his black hoodie. 

Oh, finally— some real competition. 

Steven had been coming here regularly for the past two weeks since Spinel had been bubbled. He just had so much fucking anger— he couldn’t get caught punching the walls at home again, or he’d expose his weaknesses to the gems. That he’s desperately in love with Spinel, his mother’s old toy— all three facets of her.

Now that Steven had embraced his rebellious and violent side doing this, he could finally see the appeal in Spade, at least as a potential friend, someday. Exactly the fiery girl he needed right now. 

His deck of cards— a suit of Heart, Clover, and Spade— with him as the Diamond.

But this time, he was playing a new game in her honor.

And it was not good at all. 

Steven cracks his neck and his bandaged knuckles and lunges a fist into his opponent— a relatively strong, muscular guy with tattoos all over his body— extending his arm to punch his cheek. 

The audience cheers at the excitement of a new fight— with the mysterious player in a black hoodie, the rookie who had only joined the ring two weeks ago. 

And somehow won...

Every. Single. Match. 

Steven smirks as he lands a successful hit, disorienting his opponent for a moment as he rubs his injury— his opponent tries to serve him a punch, but Steven swiftly bends down just to propel his fist into his stomach with brute force— forcing a grunt out of him— only to gracefully swerve behind him with light footsteps, embracing Rose Quartz.

The audience roars, eager to see the mystery fighter win again— his identity unknown. 

On the gem planet, Steven was the son of Pink Diamond, the crowned prince of Homeworld, beloved by all for his benevelonce. 

On Earth, he was Steven Universe, the son of Rose Quartz, the leader of the rebellion against the Diamonds and the gem savior, adored for his leadership. 

But here? 

In this ring? 

Here Steven Universe was a fucking _nobody_ — and he fucking _loved it_. 

Steven can’t help but smile at the blinding lights on him and the cheering audience, accentuating his power and control over the stadium. 

Steven’s opponent twists his neck— glaring at Steven in anger— “Oh, you think you’re so tough with your fancy little dance moves, twinkle toes?” he says as he finally lands a punch on Steven’s jaw— distracted by his adoring fans— Steven tasting a surge of coppery blood in his mouth. 

Fuck. 

The audience gasps, unable to believe their victor for the past few nights had finally been countered— but Steven’s gem can’t help but react to the pain, thinking his life is in danger— so he glows pink and his muscles grow in retaliation. 

Steven wipes the blood off his mouth behind gritted teeth and glares at his opponent— revealing his diamond pupils. 

This sudden transformation caught his opponent by surprise— giving Steven the perfect opportunity to counter back. Steven punches him in the chest, staggering him back, and he catches up to him to upper-cut him, blood rushing from his nose. 

His opponent fumbles back the ring, and leans against the barrier in a groan— the only thing supporting him from falling to the ground— and the bell dings loudly, concluding the fight and proving Steven as victor. 

Again. 

Steven waves at the crowd, roaring for him, and he steps out the stage— given ice cubes to put in his mouth. He takes a break for a couple of rounds, and he heads to the back of the stadium to watch more fights, coolly leaning against the wall. 

Suddenly, a familiar face appears beside him, leaning as well. 

Lars Barriga. 

Steven removes his hoodie to get a better look at him— undercut and piercings and all— “Lars?!” 

“Hey, Universe.”

“W-What are you doing here?!” 

“I could be asking you that,” he says as he opens a cigarette box and pulls one out for Steven, lighting it for him. 

Steven... had never smoked before, embarrassingly enough. 

Guess it was time to make a change. 

Steven takes the cig and puts it in mouth— inhaling it— only to cough pathetically as the fumes invade his lungs. Lars chuckles— compassionately though, as he understands. 

“Never took you for a fighter nowadays. Thought you were done fighting,” Lars says. 

“I’m never done fighting,” Steven says as he cups his cigarette, looking down, trying to intensify the flame. “There’s always gonna be enemies. I’m always fighting.”

“Physically, sure. But what about for a girl?” he glares at Steven.

There’s a pause.

“What are you suggesting, Lars,” Steven coldly responds.

“Let’s play a game,” he says. 

Steven freezes, looking up at him, who towers over him dramatically.

“You lose the next match, I get a date with Spinel.” 

Steven’s heart stops beating. 

“Sh-she’s mine, Lars.”

“Didn’t know the abdicated Diamond still owned his subjects,” Lars observes. Steven winces at the sound of that. “Why not set her free for a night? I promise I’ll take good care of her.”

As Lars tells him that, Steven can’t help but recall how he thought Spinel’s feelings for him were robotic— programmed in her gem. That was all she ever knew as the court jester to his mother, whose gem he inherited, after all. 

And he did recall Spinel show interest in Lars. Maybe she wasn’t the problem— it was him. That’s why Spinel tied him up. Planned to destroy the Diamonds. Because she wanted to be free.

Maybe he can change the game. 

And as jealous of he is of Lars, there’s honestly nobody he trusts more with her. He was a space captain— he would protect her with his life. 

Plus, he had gotten so charismatic, so athletic, so attractive, admittedly... he thinks Spinel deserves better. Better than some loser who fights people in the dark just to feel something— give him a new purpose after saving the galaxy. 

He sighs, admitting defeat.

“Deal.” 

*** 

Steven steps back in the ring, twisting his knuckles in preparation for his next fight. This time, his opponent was larger, bruter, more intimidating— and he can’t help but gulp, pupils dilating. 

They fight— throwing punches at eachother— with Steven swiftly dodging every one— using his floating abilities to tiptoe everywhere he goes, leaving him undetected as his footsteps are unheard— but as the fight continues, Steven can’t help but get distracted at the sight of a woman against the wall, mascara flooding down her cheeks as her boyfriend aggressively cups her chin, scolding and yelling at her. 

She was being abused. Steven winces at the sight as he slaps her, making her cry— but before he could react, Steven’s stomach drops as his opponent blows a hard punch to his stomach— making him lose his breath, and he finds himself wheezing. 

Steven tries to compose himself, looking down, panting as sweat trails down his cheek— his opponent notices him weak, and punches him sharply in the chin, lifting his head up, and finally in his chest, pushing him back near the corner of the ring.

Steven still had one last chance to rebuttle, but he notices the woman being dragged by her boyfriend by the wrist, him digging his nails into her. Once again distracted, his opponent successfully punches him back, forcing him to edge of the ring. A whistle blows and the bell rings, announcing Steven’s unpredictable defeat. 

He lost the game.

Steven was escorted out the ring, and he decides to head back home, hands in his pockets. He mutters unintelligably, unable to believe he lost, meaning Lars was gonna get his date with Spinel. How could he be so fucking stupid? Just to feel some kind of power for a few minutes. 

Steven passes by an alleyway, and suddenly, he gasps as he’s dragged inside— and he finds himself cornered by three men. 

One of them the guy he had fought in the first match. 

“Well, well, well. Look what we have here.”

“A fucking cheater,” replies one of them. “Is what he is, Bruce.”

One of the guys pushes Steven’s chest multiple times, intimidating him— “so what is it? Steroids? Speed? Meth?” he pressures him, referring to his brute strength and his exaggerated musculature, probably enhanced by drugs, they think. 

“What!” Steven didn’t do drugs! 

“If you won’t tell us,” he says as he bunches Steven in the gut, forcing him to the floor, “we’ll make you.”

And there the three men go, kicking Steven in the dark alleyway repeatedly with their boots— scratching and bruising his face— with no one in sight to help him. Steven groans, and one of them pulls him by the collar, lifting his body up— he buries his hand in his pocket, mugging him— but Steven’s body finally reacts to the danger— and he glows pink, teeth gritted— and he grabs the man from the neck, choking him. 

“Holy shit!”

Steven raises himself up along with the man in his neck— asphyxiating him until his face fades to blue— Steven nearly going to kill him, unrestrained in his Diamond form— but he sees from the corner of his eye a thin woman at the other end of the hallway, staring at him in fear.

So he drops him, falling back to the ground, kneeling. Fading back to normal as he pants, ignoring his new opponents.

The men help lift the guy up and run away, freaked out. Steven simply groans and leans against the wall, covered in bruises and cuts, and rests his eyes for a moment. White noise surrounding his ears, and his vision blurring everytime he tries to look at his surroundings again.

He was never playing that game again.

Suddenly, he’s being shaken by the shoulder— and he flutters his eyes weakly to see a woman with black mascara violently trailing down her face in front of him on the floor. She had been crying.

Spinel? 

“Hey! Hey!” says the feminine voice— far from Spinel’s raspy one. Steven rubs his eye and looks at her. “Are you okay?” she asks. 

The woman has wine red hair, similar to Spinel’s fuchsia hair. It was the same woman from before, who was being abused by her boyfriend at the ring.

Her face herself is bruised and she has a black eye, her hair disheveled. 

Steven finally composes himself, feeling better after his little “nap” against the wall and responds, noticing her injuries.

“I should be asking you that.” 

“Do you have a place to say? I have an apartment a few blocks from here. But I need you to lift yourself up, I can’t carry ya.” 

Steven nods weakly, one eye shut, and he presses his palms against the wall to stand up. He fumbles a bit, but the woman’s leaning against him to support him, despite her thin figure. 

They walk together, him protecting her, making sure no one makes any move on her pretty face, and she leads him to her appartment. 

She helps him lean on the couch, and she then gets a first-aid kit from the cabinet and sits beside him.

“You don’t need to do that for me,” he tells her, knowing he’ll heal overnight with his powers. 

“Yes, I do,” she tells him, opening it and leaning closer to his face to wipe the blood off his face with a wipe, cleaning his wounds. “You saw me. You wanted to help me.”

“Was that your boyfriend?” he asks, referring to that moment they shared.

“No, he wasn’t,” she sighs as she dabs alcohol on his cuts, making him flinch. She applies some cooling gel on his wounds and wraps everything up. She was about to shut the kit, until—

“What about you,” he says, his palm over her hand— fingernails painted black. She looks to the side, shutting her eyes.

“I... deserve it,” she murmurs. 

Seems she did something really wrong to piss that guy off. 

“No...” Steven says, rubbing her arm, trying to comfort her. “Don’t say that. Of course you don’t. You’re a good person, I can tell.”

“No I’m not. I’m not good at all,” she whines— and Steven flinches at the sound of that. 

“What... was that?”

“Huh?”

“What you just said—“

“I’m... not good at all.” 

That’s... exactly what Spinel told him. 

Steven observes her face, her cheeks stained with mascara, resembling Spinel’s scars... he can’t help but bring his hand up to her cheek and hold it, as if it were hers.

She sniffles, leaning her nose against his palm, she herself holding his cupped hand for support. 

Steven wipes a tear streaming from her eye. “Don’t cry.” 

He brings his other hand to her cheek and leans closer to her, planting a kiss on her forehead. 

The woman cups his hands, leaning up and him— tired eyes, heightened by her eye bags. She seems so sad.

She... really needs help right now. 

And Steven can help her, he realizes. 

Steven leans down and kisses her on the lips— and she quickly reciprocates, kissing him back— a bit desperately. 

And Steven feels the same way, as he himself is growing lonelier without Spinel. He needs someone, anyone. And here she was, looking eerily similar to her. 

They make out together for some time in silence, Steven towering over her as she wraps her arms around his neck— until Steven cuts it off as he realizes how groggy and sweaty he is. Sirens wailing in the background. 

“Uh... Do you mind if I use your shower,” he asks, a bit awkwardly, feeling bad for ruining the moment.

The woman nods, and takes Steven’s hand and leads him to the bathroom to make sure he can turn the shower on . 

She watches him take his shirt off in front of her, leaning against the wall. And he looks at her from across the room with his arms raised, his bloody shirt over him, staring at her with his mouth parted.

She herself lifts her mini dress up, revealing her beautiful figure, and unclasps her bra behind her back— shimmying her panties down in front of him.

She walks forward and steps in, prompting Steven Universe to follow.

And so they take a shower together. 

And afterwards, they go into the bedroom, so they can have sex that night, comforting eachother during their loneliest times. 

Steven now trying to fill the void Spinel left behind. 

Let’s play a game. 

*** 

Steven wakes up the next morning in the woman’s bed. He groans, shifting his body, only to see a piece of paper and some money buried in his hand. 

Her number. And money for the bus stop, as she saw he got mugged.  Thank you. 

Steven heads out, with the woman following behind after making breakfast. He thanks her outside the apartment— and kisses her on the cheek, equal to her in height— but she cups his cheek and kisses him on the lips. She wraps herself around his neck for a hug, thanking him for keeping her company throughout the cold night.

“How did you do it,” she asks, leaning against his ear.

“Uh... do what,” he replies. He has no idea what she’s talking about. 

The woman points at her eye— her black eye and bruises no more. Steven smiles awkwardly behind gritted teeth. 

***

Steven walks to the walk stop, having waved goodbye to the mystery woman. He sits himself down at the bus stop, waiting for his ride back to Beach City, fiddling with the paper the woman left in his hand. 

He reads the paper, seeing the woman’s name under her phone number. 

Starla.

That’s supposed to be her name.

Steven scoffs— chuckling lifelessly as he looks to the side. Her “name.” Oh, she was just another fucking Empire State prostitute doused in cheap makeup.

And Spinel was so, so much prettier. 

That’s why that guy was hassling her, because she owed him money after a weak session, probably. 

He shuts his eyes and sighs— crumpling it into little pieces until they all fall to the floor, straight into a dirty rain puddle. 

He wasn’t gonna play that game ever again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to marry steven universe <3
> 
> steven probably got an STD but he can heal himself so its fine :)


	62. A Single Pale Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven gets home.

Steven Universe stormed into the beach house, covered in bruises and dried cuts from last night, rushing to the bathroom, taking Pearl and Amethyst who were seated by surprise. 

Steven instantly buried his head in the toilet to vomit aggressively. Not only because of the horrible feelings that flooded back to him from last night, but also because of the sausage he ate as a vegetarian, totally fucking up his digestive system. 

But anyway. 

WHY DID HE CHEAT ON SPINEL! 

Steven groans as he finishes hurling into the toilet, glittery pink as usual, as he was gradually becoming Pink Diamond again, apparently. 

Good thing his hair isn’t cotton candy pink or anything, right. Hah. 

He wipes his mouth and washes his face and hands, looking in the mirror. Face bloodied, cut, and bruised. 

What a fucking mess.

Speaking of cotton candy hair, he notes as he fluffs his hair up a bit, he couldn’t help but notice his hair getting poofier. 

Maybe it was that mystery lady’s shampoo? 

He grabs his brush— making sure it was his brush— and combs through it, trying to tame it. He finishes, flattening it as much as he can, pleased with his reflection, and he puts his brush inside the mirror-cabinet. 

Only to close the cabinet and see that his hair poofed again instantly. 

Hahaha, okay, that’s new! 

He takes the brush again, impatiently, at brushes it again. And once again, it poofs up instantly! What is wrong with this brush! 

He looks at it, and its bristles, and...

He sees strands of pastel pink hair on them. 

Steven drops the brush to the floor and slams his back against the wall. 

What the fuck. 

“AMETHYST! PEARL!” he cries as he slams the door open with the brush in hand— they stand up immediately, concerned. 

“What is it man! We were worried sick about you!” says Amethyst. 

“You never came home last night,” Pearl adds. “And— and why are you bruised and bloody! Oh my stars— Steven, what did you do!” she gasps, touching his face, patting it. 

Steven starts tearing up, finally breaking down after all the stress. “M’ sorry, m’ sorry. I won’t do it again, I promise.” 

“Do what again?” asks Amethyst. 

Oh, you know. Sneak out of the house in the middle of the night. Lie to my father. Participate in an illegal underground fight ring. Smoke cigarettes. Get beat up and mugged in an alleyway. Cheat on my girlfriend with someone who looked like her. Sleep with a prostitute. Do drugs with said prostitute to numb the pain of both their shared wounds and loneliness. Lose my car. The usual. 

Isn’t this fun? 

Steven starts hyperventilating at the thought of everything that had happen— this was fucked, so, so fucked! He can’t take this anymore! He cups his face, panting violently. 

“Hey, hey, man,” Amethyst tells him as she drags him to sit on the couch with him, calming him down. He rubs his hand, and Pearl leans beside him. “It’s chill. We don’t know what went down, but we’re here for you!” 

“Yes, Amethyst is right, Steven. We’ll always be here for you, no matter what happens. What matters to us is that you’ll never change!” Ugh, this is AGONIZING. HE’S CHANGING RIGHT THIS INSTANT, AS HIS HAIR IS TURNING PINK— LIKE PINK DIAMOND’S! 

Steven trembles as he holds up the brush in his hands— “G-Guys...”

“Oooh, is that lunch?” Amethyst says as she sticks her tongue out, trying to nab it from him. 

“Noooo! Guys, look! There’s strands of pink’s hair!” he points at the brush repeatedly with desperation.

“Those are just Lion’s stupid!” jeers Amethyst.

Pearl takes the brush and observes it, squinting down on it. “Hmm, no. Lion’s mane is the shade Pink Lemonade, Pink’s was Blush Pink.” 

“Uh... how do you know that?” says Steven behind gritted teeth, uncomfortable. 

“I just do. Either way,” she picks up the brush, “It’s the same shade. I hope you don’t mind me holding the brush for safe keeping,” she says as she brings it to her forehead, adding it to her fetishistic Rose Quartz memoribilia collection.

“Nononononono!” Steven yells neurotically, taking it from her hand. “No more taking mom’s lost treasures! This is serious— we gotta show Garnet! Figure out what this means and how to get rid of it!” 

“Maybe it’s like a curse,” suggests Amethyst.

“A what?!” asks Pearl. 

“A curse. Like in those fairy tales.”

“Don’t be proposterous, Amethyst. This isn’t some... storybook!” 

Oh, how wrong you are, Pearl. 

“Think about it— he looks like a beast!” referring to his wild hair, his increased musculature, his bruises, the blood on his shirt, and of course his diamond eyes. Steven avoids their gaze, embarrassed and ashamed to be looking like this.

They really are on a loop because of Spinel. He’s turning Pink again just when he thought he dialed it under control after he became corrupted.

“Are— are you implying that Pink Diamond was a beast?! No, she’s not, she’s a beauty!” referring to Rose’s benevolent nature, like Steven’s (and unbeknownst to all of them, Spinel’s.)

“Uh, no, a beast!” referring to Pink Diamond’s explosive personality, like Steven’s (and Spinel’s, again.)

“A beauty.” 

“A. Beast.”

“A. BEAUTY!” Pearl yells. 

Steven splits them up— “guys, guys! Please, I can’t stand to see you two fighting like this. We have to get Garnet!” 

“Fine,” Pearl says as she texts her. “She probably could already foresee us needing her, anyway.” 

Steven taps his indexes anxiously. “Steven, how are you going to break the curse?! I’m freakin’ out here, man!” Amethyst says. 

“Me too! But I didn’t expect this to be like— like a storybook!” he brings his hands to his forehead, hitting himself. “Think, Steven, think!” 

“Do you know any stories that can relate to what you’re going through? How are you even turning into Rose— I mean Pink— anyway!” 

Steven blinks. “Wait, what was that? What did you say?” 

“Uh, Pink!”

He shakes his head. 

“Rose—?”

“Yes— yes! That’s it!” he remembers— “Spinel— she gave me a rose! A single pale rose!”

Pearl rolls her eyes at the romantic gesture from Spinel as she sends an email. “Oh, isn’t that lovely.”

“No, this is serious Pearl! In the story of Beauty and the Beast, the beast is put under a curse by an enchantress!” Steven rushes to the bookshelf and picks up Spinel’s fairy tale book, and sits back down and flips through the pages. He finally gets to the Beauty and the Beast chapter. 

It reads:

❝ 𝔒𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔲𝔭𝔬𝔫 𝔞 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢, 𝔦𝔫 𝔞 𝔣𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔴𝔞𝔶 𝔩𝔞𝔫𝔡, 𝔞 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔤 𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔡 𝔦𝔫 𝔞 𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔠𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔩𝔢. 𝔄𝔩𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔥𝔢 𝔥𝔞𝔡 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔶𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔦𝔯𝔢𝔡, 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔰𝔭𝔬𝔦𝔩𝔢𝔡, 𝔰𝔢𝔩𝔣𝔦𝔰𝔥, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔲𝔫𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔡. 

𝔅𝔲𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔫, 𝔬𝔫𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔯’𝔰 𝔫𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱, 𝔞𝔫 𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢𝔤𝔤𝔞𝔯 𝔴𝔬𝔪𝔞𝔫 𝔠𝔞𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔩𝔢 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔬𝔣𝔣𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔥𝔦𝔪 𝔞 𝔰𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔩𝔢 𝔭𝔞𝔩𝔢 𝔯𝔬𝔰𝔢 𝔦𝔫 𝔯𝔢𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔰𝔥𝔢𝔩𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔯𝔬𝔪 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔟𝔦𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔠𝔬𝔩𝔡. ℜ𝔢𝔭𝔲𝔩𝔰𝔢𝔡 𝔟𝔶 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔥𝔞𝔤𝔤𝔞𝔯𝔡 𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢, 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔰𝔫𝔢𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔞𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔤𝔦𝔣𝔱 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔴𝔬𝔪𝔞𝔫 𝔞𝔴𝔞𝔶, 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔰𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔢𝔡 𝔥𝔦𝔪 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔟𝔢 𝔡𝔢𝔠𝔢𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔡 𝔟𝔶 𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔰, 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔶 𝔦𝔰 𝔣𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔡 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔫. 

𝔄𝔫𝔡 𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔫 𝔥𝔢 𝔡𝔦𝔰𝔪𝔦𝔰𝔰𝔢𝔡 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔞𝔤𝔞𝔦𝔫, 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔴𝔬𝔪𝔞𝔫’𝔰 𝔲𝔤𝔩𝔦𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔪𝔢𝔩𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔞𝔴𝔞𝔶 𝔱𝔬 𝔯𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔞𝔩 𝔞 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔣𝔲𝔩 𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔱𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔰. 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔱𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𝔞𝔭𝔬𝔩𝔬𝔤𝔦𝔷𝔢, 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔦𝔱 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔱𝔬𝔬 𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔢, 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔰𝔥𝔢 𝔥𝔞𝔡 𝔰𝔢𝔢𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔫𝔬 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔦𝔫 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔱, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔰 𝔭𝔲𝔫𝔦𝔰𝔥𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱, 𝔰𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔰𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔪𝔢𝔡 𝔥𝔦𝔪 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔞 𝔥𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔬𝔲𝔰 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔱, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔭𝔩𝔞𝔠𝔢𝔡 𝔞 𝔭𝔬𝔴𝔢𝔯𝔣𝔲𝔩 𝔰𝔭𝔢𝔩𝔩 𝔬𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔩𝔢, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔴𝔥𝔬 𝔩𝔦𝔳𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢. 

𝔄𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔰 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔪, 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔱 𝔠𝔬𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔢𝔡 𝔥𝔦𝔪𝔰𝔢𝔩𝔣 𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔦𝔡𝔢 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔠𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔩𝔢. 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔯𝔬𝔰𝔢 𝔰𝔥𝔢 𝔥𝔞𝔡 𝔬𝔣𝔣𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔴𝔞𝔰 𝔱𝔯𝔲𝔩𝔶 𝔞𝔫 𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔯𝔬𝔰𝔢, 𝔴𝔥𝔦𝔠𝔥 𝔴𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔩𝔬𝔬𝔪 𝔲𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔩 𝔥𝔦𝔰 19𝔱𝔥 𝔶𝔢𝔞𝔯. ℑ𝔣 𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔫 𝔱𝔬 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔫 𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔦𝔫 𝔯𝔢𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫 𝔟𝔶 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔞𝔰𝔱 𝔭𝔢𝔱𝔞𝔩 𝔣𝔢𝔩𝔩, 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔭𝔢𝔩𝔩 𝔴𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢 𝔟𝔯𝔬𝔨𝔢𝔫. ℑ𝔣 𝔫𝔬𝔱, 𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔟𝔢 𝔡𝔬𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𝔯𝔢𝔪𝔞𝔦𝔫 𝔞 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔱 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢.

𝔄𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔶𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔰 𝔭𝔞𝔰𝔰𝔢𝔡, 𝔥𝔢 𝔣𝔢𝔩𝔩 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔩𝔬𝔰𝔱 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔥𝔬𝔭𝔢, 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔴𝔥𝔬 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯 𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔫 𝔱𝔬 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔞 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔱? ❞

Steven whines— “See! It’s exactly like the story. I rejected Spinel, specifically her altar, Spade, thinking she was hideous like the haggard— and now I’m cursed to become a beast for life!”

Steven sighs, as he recalls that she and Heart share a body, slowly shutting the book. “Just for she and the enchantress to be the same person. An old beggar and a beautiful enchantress.” 

“So what’re you gonna do?” asks Amethyst, pressing him. Steven grits his teeth and cringes.

Someday, somewhere, somehow...

“I... I have to retrieve the single pale rose and fall in love with Spade.”


	63. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven finds Spinel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 200,000 WORDS— ALMOST!!! MAKING ME THE STEVINEL FIC W/ THE MOST WORDS. 
> 
> 60 CHAPTERS!  
> AND FINALLY AFTER 30 CHAPTERS WE SEE SPINEL UNBUBBLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
> 
> 👏 👏 👏👏👏👏🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

“What! But she tried to kill you!” yells Amethyst as she raises her arms up, conflicted.

“I know, I know, but—“ Steven stammers, trying to assure them it’ll work.

“You are not falling in love with Spinel, Steven. Especially not her most violent alter! I won’t allow it!” 

“Please, just h—“

“There has to be another way. Oh, Garnet’s gonna be pissed.” 

“Pissed? Oh, she’ll probably unfuse when she hears this!”

Amethyst and Pearl ramble to eachother for a few minutes, unknowingly agonizing Steven, who’s getting nauseous again. 

He looks down at his hands. At least they weren’t turning pink. 

But still... he can’t believe he has to fall in love with Spade, who tried to kill him. AND Connie. And his planet. And wipe his memories. And dangle him off her injector.

How the hell was he gonna see the good in someone so violent and destructive? 

Suddenly, a beam of light appears, and Garnet appears from the warp pad. 

“Garnet!” they all say in unison, relieved to see her. 

This ship is going down! 

Haha, just kidding. Instead she says: 

“Go get Spinel.”

***

“Whaaaaa—?” Amethyst and Pearl gasp in unison, but Steven simply has stars in his eyes. Garnet was finally on his side! 

“What! Why?! She tried to kill him— kill us— kill the planet!” whines Pearl, standing up to try to talk Garnet out of it. 

“So? She’s not the first,” she responds. Steven swears she winked at Steven behind her visor. She gets it! 

“B-But—“

“She’s the only one who can reverse Steven’s curse. She has to fall in love with Steven— just how it goes in the story.” 

Steven puts his fingers into a fist and cheers. Yes! Two down, one to go! This’ll be a piece of cake— no one can resist the Universe charm! 

Tsk, tsk, tsk. 

Poor, misguided Steven. 

If only you hadn’t lost that bet against Lars! Seems you have some competition. 

Pearl crosses her arms in defeat, and Amethyst guides Steven to the warp pad. 

“Go get her, tiger. Call us if you’re in any danger,” she tells him, fully supporting his decision to be with Spinel. 

“Thanks, but I can take her— I’ll find her and bring her back after we talk.Love you guys,” he then warps away to the bubble dungeon where Spinel’s gem is, as the Gems wave him goodbye. 

***

Steven warps to the basement, panting.

He hadn’t been here in a while, since he hadn’t been fighting corrupt gems anymore. 

Not since the traumatizing incident he had with Spinel way back. 

Steven gazes at the ceiling, in search of Spinel’s gem. He finally spots her— her perfect heart cut— and jumps up, only to float down with her in his hands. 

Oh, isn’t this exciting! He pops the bubble and places the gem on the floor. He can’t wait to hug her, and kiss her, and—

But then he sighs as he recalls she might spawn as Spade and attack him again. It could be anyone’s game. 

He wonders how Spinel’s reformed look will be like. As cute as she was, she couldn’t help but find her... outdated. Like an old cartoon. 

Maybe she could be something more recent and hip, like anime. He loved anime. 

Steven sits criss-cross on the floor waiting patiently. Closing his eyes. Centering himself. Meditating. Inhaling and exhaling, ready for their moment. 

Until suddenly, he winks an eye open to see her gem flickering— oh my stars, it’s finally happening! He’s going to reunite with his Spinel— the puzzle will finally be complete! 

Steven shuffles back in awe as he sees her gem hover in the air— her body reforming, glowing— she transforms herself dramatically, ribbons surrounding her as they attach to her outfit— Spinel does a romantic spin as her gem is shown attached to her chest— her sailor top appearing, bow and puffed sleeves and all. 

She then puts her arms across her face and summons a long pair of white gloves, only for ribbons to trail down her legs, revealing her long pink boots. She does a twirl as her cute skirt aligns her hips, and finally, Spade and Heart’s hairstyles have officially combined— two long pigtails with two tiny heart buns— topped with a sailor hat, just like a rubberhose cartoon’s.

Spinel concludes in a thumb-index finger-pinky pose, raised with both hands— exactly like a magical girl.

Steven gasps at the sight— to see that her horrifying scars have upturned, reflecting her improved state of mind— mimicking bunny whiskers. 

Wait a freaking minute. 

Is she supposed to be Sailor Moon?!

Aw, that’s... actually really adorable. And perfect for living in Beach City, a seaside town, since she’s also a rubberhose sailor— retaining her original theme, but with a modern twist. 

Steven smiles widely for her, extending his arms for a hug— only for her cute winky face to weaken— and she looks scared to see him— and she runs away, hiding behind a column— Huh?

“Spinel, wait!” 

But Spinel ignores him, covering her ears— “No! No! Leave me alone!”

What?! Why is she scared of him—?! But then he gasps as he remembers the last thing he told her— he mentioned the garden to Heart, only for him to destroy her physical form as Spade. 

“Spinel...” he kneels on the floor. “It’s me. Your new best friend.”

“My... best friend?” she says softly, meaning Heart’s fronting. But suddenly, she scowls, and shakes her head, tearing at her pigtails— her voice growing raspy— “No! No! This is just another one of your tricks!” Spade says.

Another one? Does she mean—

“I’m not fallin’ for this... I’m not fallin’ for YOU!” she screams. 

...Falling for him? He gets flustered, bringing a hand to his cheek— she was falling for him...?— but shakes his head, distracted. He has to convince her to come with him. 

“Spinel... Come back to the beach house with me. You can start over there, make new friends.” 

“No! No! They don’t want me— they hate me! I’m better off lost! They don’t want me— nobody loves me! Nobody! Nowhere, no when, no how! ” she whines. 

“No, they want you. We need you, Spinel!” he urges. 

But Spinel simply cowers behind the column. Steven lowers his hand and grits his teeth. She wasn’t budging.

Seems the only way he’ll change her mind is through song. 

He has to make her feel found.

Steven exhales, and begins to sing. 

_ Someday  ♫ _

_ Somewhere  ♫ _

_ Somehow  ♫ _

Spinel quietly gasps, as she remains frozen in place behind the column. Is that...?

_ You'll love again  ♫ _

_ You just need to find someone  ♫ _

It was their song. 

He was singing it! 

But does that mean... Connie’s out of the picsha? 

Spinel peeks her head and stares at him, clinging onto the column from the floor. 

He repeats, trying to entice her to come to him. 

_ Someday  ♫ _

_ Somewhere  ♫ _

_ Somehow  ♫ _

_ You’ll love again  ♫ _

_ You just need to find someone  ♫ _

She quivers her lips— oh, he just looks so happy to see her. Yet so tired at the same time. How long had he been waiting for her? His hair seems so soft and floofy, she just wants to pet it... and his eyes are all red, so exhausted from crying, probably. 

He’s waiting for her, extending his hand so she can crawl towards him. 

And so she does, continuing his song. 

Their song.

_ Someday  ♫ _

_ Somewhere  ♫ _

_ Somehow  ♫ _

_ I'll love again  ♫ _

_ I just need to find someone  ♫ _

She sings quietly as she crawls towards him, staring at him directly in the eyes. 

They continue together, slowly.

_ Someone who treats me better  ♫ _

_ Someone who wants me around  ♫ _

Spinel nears him, looking up at him, mouth gaped as he looks down at her warmly.

_ Someday  ♫ _

_ Somewhere  ♫ _

_ Somehow  ♫ _

_ You're gonna feel found  ♫ _

She crawls on his lap, and he embraces her, holding her in his strong arms.

_ Today  ♫ _

_ Right here  ♫ _

_ Right now  ♫ _

She caresses his cheek, admiring his handsome appearance. She leans up to kiss him, and they shut their eyes in unison, smiling. 

She finally whispers to him, nuzzling his cheek.

_ I already feel found  ♫ _


	64. A Struggling Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel figure out why this all feels so familiar.

Spinel had been nuzzling against Steven’s cheek, only to wince at the sensation of his sharp stubble— “ah!” 

Steven cups her cheek and kisses her sweetly. “I’m sorry. You see, I haven’t been all myself lately.”

“It’s okay—“

“And I’m sorry for everything else—“ he tells her, avoiding her gaze. “For destroying your form and sending you all back to your gem.

Spinel looks down, fiddling with his jacket.

“You... caused me a lot of problems, Steven,” she confesses.

“I know. What happened.”

“Every day was so much pain. The alters, bickering and fighting everyday— Heart crying herself to sleep every night, Spade threatening to kill us, insulting us, manipulating us, tearing us down. And I was the one who had to mediate, had to control them, so we don’t destroy ourselves.”

Steven grits his teeth, ashamed. 

“Fuck, I—“ he brings his hand to his forehead, breathing heavily— “I didn’t know. I didn’t realize I had put you through that, I wish I could’ve freed you sooner—“

“I’m going to be leaving,” she interrupts, dropping her accent.

Steven gasps, furrowing his brow. “What!?”

Spinel groans as she gets a migraine. “They just won’t—ah— stop arguing. I can’t take this anymore—“

Steven rubs her arm— “I know, princess, but you have to be strong. I... I need you,” he finally admits to himself, tearing up. Holding her close.

But he can’t change her mind.

“I’m going to be going dormant for a while. Get some rest. Spade and Heart need to sort out their issues on their own. That way I can resolve my problems with them, and we can become a family.”

“A... A family?” Steven blinks his eyes, looking up at her.

Now, why does that sound so familiar?

Steven mumbles quietly to himself as Spinel continues talking.

_Familiar... why is this so familiar?_

_Familiar, like something I used to know._

“What is this place?” Spinel  whispers, on top of him.

Steven looks up at the bubbled gems,  and feels sick to his stomach. 

_Familiar, staring up at the ceiling._

_Familiar, I swear that I know this feeling._

“They want Pink back to comfort them,” she says. “Pacify them.”

_Where everybody wants me to be mom._

“Heart isn’t very happy you mentioned the garden... and Spade isn’t very happy about you poofing her. She’s as violent as ever— I’m scared we won’t be able to stop her terror across space .”

Steven sighs, knowing he fucked up big.

_And everything I do, I do it wrong._

”We need your help, Steven.” 

_Familiar, why is this so familiar?  
Familiar, like something I used to do._

“We want to be Crystal Gems too, Steven,” she says sadly. “We’re getting frustrated.” 

_Familiar, like she used to throw a tantrum_   
_Insisting that, "Hey, I'm a Diamond too!”_

“Heart loved your song for us just now, though. She thought you were so romantic,” she rubs his chest affectionately. “Calmed us down. Spade just laughed because she thinks you look stupid, pff.”

Steven himself can’t help but chuckle, relieving the tense mood. 

_I’ll sway them with a joke, or with a song._

”I’m happy to see you again. I think we all are, deep down. You bring us together, somehow. Make us forget our problems,” she kisses him.

_And maybe that’ll help us get along._

“The alters... they’re driving me insane,” she chuckles lifelessly, caressing his cheek. “Every day is so much— suffering,” she leans against his chest.

_I bet she drove them crazy all the time._

“I have to leave them. I’m sorry,” she murmurs as Steven massages the back of her head.

_They love her but they're leaving her behind._

“Just like Pink Diamond and the Diamonds did,” she sighs. “I finally understand.”

_With more important places they should be..._

Spinel raises herself up and Steven looks up at her youthful face, her rosy cheeks, similar to his. 

And then he finally realizes—

_Than hanging out with someone just like me!_

He gasps, and cups her cheeks with urgency. He makes her look him in his Diamond eyes.

“Familiar, that's why it's so familiar!” he urges her— that’s it! That’s the puzzle!

“Huh?” she tilts her head in confusion.

“Familiar, like someone I used to be!”

“Used ta’ be?”

“Familiar, but this time I've had some practice—“

At helping a struggling family!” he says proudly— after all, he’s done it before! And before! — and he hopes she won’t mind if he does it again!

“A strugglin’... family?” 

“Oh, I'll get them all together in one place,” he says, lifting her up. 

“W-Whoa!”

“And once we're all together face to face,” he smiles at her, pleased to finally be helpful again.

“I'll show them all the error of their ways,” he gives her a spin, making her laugh as she leans against his shoulder, nuzzling him. 

“And stop their spread of terror across my living space!” he points up, concluding his epiphanic song with Spinel in his arms, panting.

Familiar!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a dark day for clover stans 💔 she said aight imma head out


	65. This Will Be Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven reunites with Heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [proofread]

And then he drops her. 

“Ah! Spinel—“ he gasps, looking down at her rubbing her bum.

“Ow-weeee!” she whines, raising the pitch of her voice, diverging from her maturer self. Looks like he forced Heart out. 

Steven kneels down in front of her, and she looks up at his handsome face and gasps. 

“STEVENNNNNNN!” she lunges towards him, pushing him to the ground. 

“Sp-Spinel—! Ah!” but before he can say anything, he sits on top of his lap and showers him with kisses— her elastic legs tying his down— “Mwah mwah mwah mwahmwahmwahmwah!” she says as she smooches him everywhere with exaggeration. 

“Spinel—“ she rubs his hair, removing it off his forehead, and kisses him there— only to trail down and kiss and nip at his neck, making him whine under a bitten lip. “Oh...”

“This will be fun,” she whispers to him, giving him a hickey. Steven nods in desperation— and now his face and neck are all sticky from her strawberry lipgloss. 

Spinel stops kissing him, and cups his cheek, nuzzling it against her thumb.

Taking a moment to admire him, after so long.

He looks up at her with parted lips, taken aback by her beauty now that her scars were friendlier, revealing her cheeks.

Fuck. She’s gorgeous. 

Steven instantly cups her cheeks and drags her to him— forcing her into a kiss— and they make out— moaning in unison as they shove their tongues down eachother— mmh— massaging them in exaggeration. They grow impatient— Steven opening his mouth— and they switch angles multiple times, Spinel’s palms planted against his chest. 

Spinel gradually starts grinding again his crotch under her skirt— inducing Steven’s erection— “Spinel, please,  not here—“ not in front of the bubbled gems. But nevertheless she continues, grinding fully and slowly, trying to complete herself. The other piece of the puzzle. She whines, shutting her eyes, thrusting aggressively, only for her to tilt her chin up and sigh into the air in pleasure. 

Steven cups her perky breasts and fondles them, massaging her— inducing more moans in her as she grinds against him rythmically. Steven lifts himself up to help her, satisfy her, and she grips his shoulders so he slams into her faster. She cries— “‘mf— mf mf— mf, ah— Steven! Steven!” she whines into his ear, arousing him even more. 

He grips her tighter, forcing her breasts against his chest— shifting beneath her faster and harder until she gasps in a bit of pain. “Steven— Steven! Oh my gosh!” she gasps airily, and oh, so sweetly for him. “Mm—“

But Steven can tell this isn’t fulfilling her, so he hikes her up and forces her on her knees, and he brings a finger down her skirt— “Ah—! Stars!” and he instantly begins rubbing her vagina under her panties— Spinel already a bit moist in arousal. 

This will be fun.

But he wants her soaking wet for him.

Steven grinds two fingers into her, shoving them against her up and down— she herself bounces against him, biting her lip and gripping him  tighter, feeling incredibly tingly at the sensation. She loved this game with him, and was so eager to play it again. 

Spinel buries her face into his shoulder, leaning against it as they pant together, sweating. Steven nuzzles against her hair, looking across the room, focusing on him fingering her aggressively. She grows moist enough that her panties are soaked, so he inches a finger under her panties so he comes in contact with her directly. She gasps, as no one had ever gone inside her— and she cries in pleasure as she’s so fucking satisfied, grinding against his sole finger, practically vibrating. Her hands are raised into fists against her chests as she jolts— “O-O-O-Oh my goshhh, yes! Yes! Oh, my!” she says femininely, turning him on. Steven looks up at her as she bites her lip, trying to hold her moans. 

“Moan for me, Spinel. Don’t hold back,” he commands. 

“Mm— please—!” she pleads, embarassed— but he simply shoves his finger deeper— way deeper— and grinds faster, squishing against her dripping wet insides, her thighs doused in moisture after grinding against them so much. “Mmf— mff— ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, mmmah— Steven! Steven— m-my Diamon— I mean— ah!” she moans louder and louder, thrusting, slamming against him clumsily and desperately. 

He initially cringes as she calls him by his title— but he finds her automatic submission so fucking hot, he can’t help but play along— “What was that, my Spinel?” 

“M-M— Steven?! Ah!” she cries, this time bouncing up and down his finger so it pulses straight through. She can’t stop— it just feels— so good— and she’s sliding in and out so easily, so wet— his nail stinging her as he reaches her center every time. “Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!” she daintily holds her hands to her sides, like a princess— her breasts bouncing against her tight bodice. 

He simply digs into her more, and digs his nails onto her wrist with his other hand— telling her that she got it wrong. “Try again.” 

Spinel gasps and whines at the realization— “M-My Diamond—! Ah!” she thrusts harder and harder, losing her breath— growing lightheaded as she pants desperately— “My Diamond! My Diamond!” she cries as she goes up and down, pounding into him as he uses two fingers now. “Fuck, fuck! Yes!” 

Steven looks up at her in awe as he never expected her to curse before, such an innocent girl. 

And oh, how eager she was for him now, as he finally takes it away from her. 

“My Diamond,” she continues, pounding into him, gushing into his fingers, totally dripping. “My lustrous, magnificent, powerful, compassionate Diamond! Agh—!” Steven smirks and gets hard just at the sound of that, and she feels herself bursting inside, gushing liquid, so he inserts a third finger to finish her off— Spinel crying in pain— but still so, so pleasured— “Fuck! Fuck! Oh my— fuck! Steven! Don’t stop! Don’t stop, ah!” 

“What are you, Spinel—“

“Mfff— ah, ah, ah!” she winces—

“What are you—“ 

“I’m—“ she gasps— “I’m yours! I’m yours! I’m all yours, hehee—“ she giggles a bit fakely, revealing her true nature to us— “I’m solely yours, my Diamond!” she says airily. 

“Good girl,” he says, tugging at her hair a bit to keep her submissive, exactly how he liked.

Spinel whines loudly— “Steven— Steven— I’m gonna burst, ah—!” and so quickly she does, clinging tightly onto his shoulders, gushing warm liquid into his fingers, trailing down his hand. She ejaculates multiple times, twitching and arching her back up each time, gasping— “ah, ah, AH!”

She presses herself onto his chest— her breasts so plump and full for him— and she forces him back down to the ground on his back— the pair soaked in sweat. 

Spinel finally releases him from their entanglement— and Steven flops his hands to the sides, panting with his eyes shut. 

That was so much fucking fun. 

Steven looks to his hand and sees it absolutely wet with Spinel’s moisture. She gasps as he slowly holds it up for her, in front of her mouth, staring at her, mouth gaped, in exhaustion. She floats up and down as he pants harshly. 

Spinel shakes her head no desperately, shutting her eyes— but she opens an eye to peek and he mouths a “please” to her, wanting to play with her— and she just has this urge to please him— and so she hesitantly opens her mouth.

But she can’t help but satisfy her curiosity— especially for him, waiting for her so eagerly. 

He treats her so well. 

She can’t help but foolishly obey his every command in hopes to please him.

In hopes she’ll be rewarded. 

He just wanted to give her candy, she realizes. Her candy.

Or he just wanted his servant to clean his hand, sigh.

She remembers her exterior personality, the one she’s shown him— the one he’s fallen for her for— her sole purpose, to make him happy— and gasps in childish glee— oh, how much she looooved candy!

Steven slides his slimy finger inside her mouth and glides it up and down her tongue, forcing her to taste herself. She whines, disgusted at first— but she sees how happy he is now, and she complies, closing her mouth. She tastes like bubblegum that has nearly lost its flavor.

Steven goes faster, thrusting into her mouth— and she groans for him, an eye shut— and she whines as he goes harder, nearly making her choke. She gasps as he finally lets go, composing herself, his hand clean.

Steven buries his hand into her ass and massages it, Spinel raising her ass, tugging her panties down to cover her vagina, which was dramatically wet, fully staining her undies. She groans as he fondles her buttcheeks, and he gives her a playful slap on the cheek, stinging her, knowing it’ll arouse her even more— tingly sensations blooming inside her, making her burst. She moans for him one last time, hovering over him. 

Wasn’t that fun. 

Steven brings his hands to her thigh, massaging her more with his hand, trying to get her to relax. She sighs, melting like jelly into his chest, breathing above him. She pants, shutting her eyes for a moment. 

He once again cups her  ass, massaging it, and glides his thumb down her vagina, rubbing it, forcing her to rock up and down, grinding. “Stop... please. I don’t wanna play anymore,” she grumbles, trying to resist, her voice muffled against his chest. But he continues— and she just automatically rocks with him— and she just can’t resist herself— so she pentrates herself with his finger again, rhythmically thrusting her hips up and down, clinging onto his shirt. They’re much quieter now, Spinel simply sighing romantically, so pleased to be with him finally, until she comes again into her panties softly, them full of liquid.

Completing each other like a puzzle.

Steven brings his hand under her skirt— feeling her crotch— satisfied to see her so warmly wet for him. Filled to the brim. 

Oh, he can’t wait to eat her out in her sleep tonight. 

And so they’re finally done playing. 

Fuck. 

She lifts herself up, hovering over him— and Steven quickly cups her breasts, rubbing them with his thumbs, trying to fully relax her from exerting so much energy. She must be so tired. 

Spinel tilts her head to the side and sighs— half-lidded and admittedly fucked stupid— as Steven massages her breasts again. She giggles weakly, lifting herself up sloppily, as he fully relaxes her. She smacks her lips together, totally ready for bed.

Oh, baby needs a nap. 

She was originally so excited to see him... she was so eager to pester him, play with him, amuse him... but after their little “playdate,” she thinks as Steven lifts himself up and she leans against his broad chest, that she needs some shut-eye. 

Steven holds her and lifts her up, carrying her— her chest pressed against his, her legs wrapped around his hips securely, her head against his shoulder. She shuts her eyes and he warps them both to the living room. 

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are seated, but they stay quiet at the sight of Steven carrying Spinel so intimately— unable to believe that he would carry her— that they were legitimately together. And... and so happy.

He never held Connie like that. 

Steven simply glares at them as he opens the bathroom door and weakly brings it behind him, taking his princess with him, unapologetically and blatantly disclosing the fact that they were together— and that they were sleeping together all this time, totally comfortable bathing together. 

He sighs as he sits her on the toilet. She’s so loopy— looking a little stupid— and he turns on the bath. She lifts up her arms so Steven can take off her shirt, and then he takes off her boots and her skirt, shimmying it down her legs. She throws her gloves on the floor, and raises her arms up again so Steven can lift her to the tub.

Steven himself takes off his clothes, and he sits with the tub with her. He holds her by the waist and prompts her to sit on his lap— pressing down at his dick. Their wet bodies against eachother, their gems cold to the touch, soothing them.

He was so intimate with her right now... this was his moment. He has to confess his feelings for her. 

And so he does.

Here goes nothing.

“I love you,” he says playfully, yet softly as not to startle her in her adorably tranquil state.

Finally, he tells her. 

But there’s no response. 

Huh?

He sees that her eyes are shut.

It’s because she doesn’t hear him, instead gently snoring against his ear as she drifted asleep. 

Well, that sucks. 

I guess she won’t mind if he does it again. 

“I love you.”

Silence again.

Still, no response. 

She’s totally knocked out, breathing slowly. Eyes shut tightly, tightly closed. 

Steven sighs, disappointed.

And of course, he doesn’t wanna wake her up. So instead he just cups warm water in his hand and pours it down her back, cleaning her. Massaging her— massaging her hair with shampoo and conditioner. Pouring more in her head gently, cleaning her. He looks at her face as he wipes the dirt off of it with his soapy hand, admiring her youthful face. 

So fucking gorgeous. 

He himself cleans himself the best he can in this position, and carries her out of the shower, bridal style. He wraps a towel around his crotch— and two around her— and kicks the door open. 

He doesn’t even give a damn that the gems are sitting there, watching him in utter shock. He just continues walking, the sleeping Spinel leaning against his chest, and he slowly steps up the stairs and closes the door behind him gently. 

He places her on the bed, allowing her to sprawl against the mattress, and hovers above her, only to lie down on the side on his stomach. Facing Spinel. Observing her breathing softly with eyes fluttered closed.

She mumbles unintelligably, eyes still shut, as she remembers something. Finally she’s awake. “She lied,” she mumbles sleepily. 

“Who?”

“Spade. She lied.”

“About what?” 

“She said she was my big sista’. That’s a lie. I’m way older than her,” she says similarly to how Volleyball did to Pearl. 

She then passes out again— and will totally forget she ever woke up and said that to him, most likely.

Steven chuckles, grinning at her cuteness. He holds her hand to keep her company, and he himself falls asleep as well. 

His new best friend, Spinel. 


	66. Aren’t You The Lucky One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven wakes up the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofread enjoy  
> IM #1 STEVINEL FIC IN TERMS OF WORDCOUNT!!!! 🎉

It was early the next morning, and Steven had been nuzzling with Spinel that night under the covers, squeezing against her naked body. 

He flutters his lashes open to see him wrap his arms around her body— and his hand between her legs. 

Seems they had another playdate under the covers together in the middle of the night. 

He guesses she won’t mind if he does it again— so he sighs into her as gets near her, partially on top of her. He presses his lips against her shoulder, nuzzling her cheek with his, as he buries his hand down her entrance and starts massaging her with three fingers, waking her up for the day.

This will be fun.

She slowly wakes up— pressed down on the bed to moan for him— and he relaxes her, her eyes partly open, Spinel panting and grinding against his fingers for a few minutes, until she finally comes into his fingers with a feminine whine. 

Oh, it was Heart, all right. Seems she was back for another play session with her lustrous Diamond. 

Spinel then glides her hand off of him,and Steven leans on his back against the bed, allowing her to sit on his lap. She buries herself down his neck, kissing and nipping at his skin, causing him to moan for her now.

Oh, he loved how forward and eager Heart was for him now. She continues, trailing kisses up his face, and just as she reaches his lips just as he anticipated she— 

“Ack!” Steven yells as he chokes. 

His neck in her grasp, Spade had been gripping at Steven’s neck with her fingernails, clawing into him. He lifts him up solely by holding him by the neck and pushes him aggressively to the headboard, bumping his head loudly. She leans in to whisper in his ear, furious, forcing a gulp out of him— eager to finally kill Steven Universe.

_Aren’t you the lucky one._

“Aren’t cha’ the lucky one,” she repeats behind gritted teeth, glaring intently at him. 

Shit. 

Steven chokes under her, clumsily trying to remove her hands from his neck— “Spinel, sweetie, please— we can talk.” 

“Oh, talk?” she scoffs, only to burst out cackling, her cruelty making him wince. “You sure showed me you were capable a talkin’ when you FUCKING BASHED MY FUCKING SKULL IN, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” she screams, slapping him in the face, staining his cheek red. 

He deserved that. 

Wait, no he didn’t, she tried to kill him. 

Time to fight back! 

She looks at her hand punctured with little holes, caused by his aggressive stubble. “Oh, how’d ya know I liked it rough, junebug—?” she grins for him fiendishly.

Steven furrows his brow and grits his teeth for a moment, squinting at her. “...Junebug?” 

Spinel’s eyes dilate— and she begins stammering, blushing at the realization. “Uh. Yeah,” she says in her usual raspy voice. “Junebug. Universe. Uneberg. Juneburg. Junebug. You’re junebug. Universe, jun-e-berss. Junebug. Get it.”

He hesitantly— and then rapidly— nods for his life, knowing if he rejects it she’ll snap and he’ll get choked again.

She taps her indexes together shyly, totally out of character, peering up at him behind a little girlish pout— “do you like it, Junie.”

Despite being totally taken aback by her little pet name, Steven thinks that’s... actually pretty brilliant. He himself blushes, stammered by her cuteness— as he had never seen this side of her. Who knew she had the potential to come up with adorable little nicknames for him.

Well, technically he has seen this side of her in the form of Heart, but I digress. 

“I came up with it while we were bubbled—“ and then she gasps as she remembers how she got to that state in the first place— “oh, what the FUCK am I doing—“ she yells and raises her hands up— “DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!” she screams, smacking him repeatedly while she’s on top of him. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey— hey! Hey! In case you haven’t noticed—“

“YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I’VE HEARD—“ she growls as she digs her nails onto his chest, making him bleed. “YOU TRIED TA’ FUCKIN’ BUBBLE ME AWAY!”

“NO— I didn’t— In case you haven’t noticed: I freed you! If it weren’t for me, you would’ve been bubbled forever, stupid!”

They both gasp, and Steven covers his mouth.

...Stupid?

Spade stops digging into him... looking down at him, mouth parted. “What was that?” she asks. 

Steven cringes painfully, knowing he’s fucked for insulting her. “Um, hah, uh... stupid?” Oh, he’s dead.

Spinel brings her hand to her chest and sighs in relief— and she suddenly lunges into him, cuddling against him— “Oh, Steven! I never took ya for such a bad boy!” she says as she presses his cheek with kisses. 

Um okay, this was unexpected. 

“Do more, more—!” she whines, smothering him intensely. 

Steven tries to come up with something. 

“Uh... loser?” he smiles awkwardly, hoping to please her. He had never seen her... so happy before.

Spinel unexpectedly moans as if she were coming for him in his arms— “oh! Oh, yes! Yes, baby! Fuck, yes— yes!” making Steven instantly uncomfortable— and automatically hard.

Aw, geez, what did he get himself into. This was too weird for him. She even starts grinding into him, urging him to say it again. 

“Hahaha, okay—“ he says as he pushes her back against her shoulders, forcing her off of him. He then moves to the side so he can sit on the bed next to her, on the left. 

He looks down at his intertwined fingers, and he sighs. 

Spinel looks down, disappointed. “...You don’t like it?” 

“N-Not... really, Spinel, I’m sorry.”

Spinel starts flushing up, frustrated. “W-Where’s your lil’— girlfriend, Connie, huh! Why do you still keep me around then if I can’t play wit’ cha, huh!” she blurts out, tearing up.

Seems she enjoyed being her Diamond’s playmate after all. She gave in.

Steven leans back on the bed— Spinel blushes as he’s completely naked in front of her, but he doesn’t realize as he was already so comfortable with her. “I’m... not with Connie anymore, Spinel.”

“Wuh—?” 

“She’s not my girlfriend anymore, Spinel,” he murmurs as he reaches her hand. “You are.”

Spinel’s heart stops.

And she almost falls for him, looking him in the eyes with a parted mouth— but then she shakes her head and snaps out if it, smacking him off, standing up and walking out.

“I ain’t your fuckin’ girlfriend, Universe— I retired from the clown business a long fuckin’ time ago— agh!” but Steven grips her by the wrist— powerfully so. Glaring up at her. 

Looking hot as fuck, especially naked for her like this. His bare chest and musculature exposed for her.

Spinel’s face bursts hot pink, but she resists anyway. 

“Let fuckin’ go a me, jun— Steven.” 

But he pulls her back to her seat, and she groans, rolling her eyes as she’s forced back next to him. He wraps his arms around her chest and nuzzles against her head just to piss her off. Shutting his eyes to savor the moment.

He wasn’t going to lose his puzzle piece. He had to end his curse to be doomed a beast forever. 

Pink Diamond. 

“Spinel...”

“S-So now you wanna be my fuckin’ boyfriend, huh?! After I’ve tried SO hard ta’ woo you since day fucking ONE!” she stomps her foot, similar to how his mother— and how he, honestly— would do during their temper tantrums. 

Steven looks at her confused, parting from her. “ Day One? But you hated me from the start— you tried to kill me!”

“S-So?” she averts his gaze, not seeing any wrong in her murderous actions. 

“So, that’s, not exactly ‘wooing’ Spinel. It’s murder.”

Spinel has another outburst. “OH, you must know all about wooin’ the ladies with three seperate girlfriens’ clingin’ ta ya all tha’ time! DON’T CHA!” she pushes him. “YEAH, RUB IT IN!” she says with a brassy tone of voice.

But she sees that she frightened him, as he’s panting heavily.

She gives him space. 

“I thought it was,” she admits quietly after a silence, twiddling her thumbs youthfully. 

Steven’s so confused. “What.”

“I... when I first saw you wit’ my own peepers, I wanted ta’ kill you so. So badly,” she begins. “I thought that was my happily eva’ afta’.” 

Peepers? 

“B-But when I got ta’ Earth, an’ I saw you an’ your friends, I thought... wow, he’s no ankle-biter! I’d sure like ta’ be his lucky moll! His squeeze, maybe!”

What does that even mean. 

“You really were the high pillow... tha’ big boss. Such a looker ta’ me, too. Real hotsy-hotsy. I was really hopin’ I could be ya Jane, til’ the end.” 

Oh, geez, he can’t understand a word she’s saying. She really is from the 1930s.

“I think you’re tha’ cat’s pajamas, Steven,” she concludes, looking up at him shyly.

Cat’s pajamas?

Steven goes back to what she said, as he was totally distracted by all her weird slang. “Til’ the end?” 

“Mm... Remember when we fought after I poofed your otha’ friends?”

Steven flinches at the overloaded phase that left such a bitter taste in his mouth, remembering that horrible confrontation with her by the lighthouse. 

Steven nods weakly.

“And... how I taunted ya’ a lil... and let cha’ rejuvinate me?” 

Steven gasps. He... he did recall her smiling and cackling after he sliced her. He had no idea why she was so pleased to be reset. “Why—“ 

“So I could forget,” she cuts him.

“What—“

“So you could meet tha’ old me. But most importantly, so I could forget how ta’ turn off my injecta’. So I could stay stranded on that nowhere planet.”

She slowly plants her hand on his on the bed, concluding. “So we could die together in a barren world,” she looks up at him, afraid of how he’ll react to her true intentions when they first met. Her true feelings.

Steven’s eyes dilate in shock. 

She... let him rejuvinate her so she couldn’t turn off her injector, knowing she’d forget her memories. 

She... forgot her memories so she could die with him, by his side, unable to save herself from the poisoned planet.

And most important of all, she fell in love with him from the very beginning. 

And admittedly... he had a thing for the old her, too, reciprocating her feelings unknowingly.

“I was meant to be on Earth with Pink Diamond... so I thought I should die with him.”

“So we can be together forever.” 

Steven brings his hand to his chest. And  Spinel looks down in shame. 

She knows he was gonna kick her out. 

She knows he was gonna poof her. 

She knows he was gonna bubble her. 

She knows he was never gonna see him again for what she wanted to do with him— to him.

Her horrible plan. 

Her suicide mission, so she can die with him in his arms. 

An act of revenge against his mother, her plan to kill her precious son. 

But also an act of love, as she fell in love with him like a fool, after all.

So evil, so cruel, so wrong, Steven thought. Far from his morals.

And so, so twisted. 

This is pretty twisted.

Yet why... does Steven find that. 

So... unbelievably romantic? 

Spinel shuts her eyes and holds her breath— knowing he’s gonna slap her— 

but instead. 

He brings his hands to her shoulders and leans down to kiss her— gently pushing her down to the bed against the pillow.

And like Pearl’s song— like their relationship at this moment— it’s repeating itself, playing on loop as they fall in love with each other again. 

His new best friend, Spinel.

Aren’t you the lucky one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you guys team HEART or team SPADE or team CLOVER? let me know!!!! ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️


	67. Inject Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven sleeps with Spade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOWEEE THAT THING SURE IS BIG! YOU WANNA CLIMB IT OR SOMETHIN?

Steven had leaned over Spinel on the bed, delicately placing his hand behind her head to kiss her, dipping her sweetly.

A reward... for being so...

Considerate. 

In her own twisted way. 

She just had to do it this method, he realizes. It was in her nature. 

She had to exact revenge on his mother by killing the thing she loved most— her son. 

It was the only thing that would give her the satisfaction she needed. 

But she fell in love with him, too, so as a compromise for her conflictive feelings she decided to kill herself alongside him, too. 

Hoping he fell in love with her in his final moments.

Isn’t that lovely. 

But obviously her plan failed, as here they were alive together, two years later in each other’s arms.

Thankfully for the better, kind of, as fucked as this timeline is. 

Steven kisses her lips softly— so lovingly— and she whines, a tear rolling down her cheek. She doesn’t deserve his affections. His comfort. His forgiveness. His compassion. “St-Stop, please, I don’t deserve it—“

But he ignores her, wiping the moist hair from her face, cupping her cheeks tighter— pressing numerous moist kisses onto her, his bottom lip sticking to hers— and soon, he trails sensual kisses down her body, making her sigh. He can’t help but lickrapidly at her nipples, arousing her, only to nip and suck at them repeatedly. She cries— “Ste-even, ah—“ 

He feels himself getting turned on by her noises and her touch, and he positions himself over her, kneeling. Spinel shuts her eyes and buries her cheek into her pillow— gripping at it at both sides— opening her legs for him, submitting to her Diamond— as he finally injects himself inside her— making her groan. 

“Ah—ah—“ 

And so he wraps his arms under hers and begins to thrust, butterflies enveloping his chest and stomach in excitement. His body’s so moist, sweat drips onto her, lubricating them to go quicker against eachother— he pounds into her, grunting loudly himself in relief after so many years of sexual tension from the minute he first fought her— “Mmgh— mhh— mnhh—“, satisfied with his new relationship with his joker.

Or was he. 

He continues pounding into her, forcing her to whine— but he clasps both her hands— and she holds his tight— digging her nails in, cutting him— allowing him to rock harder, moisture squishing out of her. And with each thrust, feelings come flooding back to him. Old memories of Spinel resurfacing. 

How she arrived to the planet on her injector, destroying the ground he treasured so much. 

How she rejuvinated his friends, forcing them back to their gems. 

How scarily she cackled for him as he rejuvinated her. 

How she made his friends lose all their memories. 

How she poisoned his planet and tried to destroy Beach City. 

How he almost fell into a pit of poison. 

How she fought him and his family.

How he dangled him off of her injector to his death without hesitation— 

Fuck.

Yet here he was, about to inject her. 

Inject her with his love. 

_What the hell was he doing._

He didn’t _love_ Spade. 

He could never love Spade after what she did to him and his family.

He could never love a—

But before he can conclude— she cuts as she pants— “you know you’re a fuckin’ beast, right—“ she cackles between gritted teeth, and she gasps as she’s about to come. 

Steven freezes in place, pupils dilating as he stares down at her pillow. He starts turning pink, feeling that he’s in danger all of a sudden— was he really a—?

“Hey— what’s the hold-up—“ she complains. Steven holds his breath—

“I can’t do this—“ he mutters as he releases himself, flopping to the side— slamming his back to the mattress as he fades back to normal. Hyperventilating— knowing he was making love to his... to his abuser, he realizes. 

He’s falling in love with his fucking abuser. 

Just a half hour ago she was choking him, trying to kill him off for good.

Yet here he was, fucking her for “good behavior.”

What the hell is wrong with him, seeing someone as evil as her with rose-tinted glasses. 

Pun intended.

Fuck. He’s just so nauseous right now. 

He was gonna kill her with his Diamond powers if he kept doing that. And after realizing what a monster she was, and how stupid he was for falling for her, he had to call it quits for good. 

He’ll find another way to be break the curse. 

He wasn’t gonna inject her with his love. She doesn’t deserve it. 

He finally exhales, giving up.

But Spinel was on fucking fire, tingling violently as she was about to ejaculate, totally full.

She reaches for his arm, digging her nails into his wrist, but he shoves her away— disgusted with himself. Disgusted with her. 

She groans at the top of her lungs. 

She has to help herself if he won’t. 

Spinel grunts and whines as she brings two fingers to her clit and flicks it aggressively, moving so fast her voice vibrates with the noises she makes— “A-A-Ah—“ and she rocks the bed, forcing her to pathetically masturbate in front of him.

But she couldn’t help it, she was about to come and he stopped at the last minute. What a fucking dick. 

Steven covers his eyes, unable to see her like this— ashamed of himself for putting her through this embarrassing display— but he still hears her moans,and can’t help but form an erection for her.

She arches her back and her voice cracks as she cries— as she comes into her finger, to the mattress, and twitches a bit. She flops back on the bed, panting heavily, massaging her breast with her hand, relieving herself. Grinding her thighs together with her chin up, facing the ceiling.

She’s done performing for him. 

Spinel gazes to the side and sees Steven groan— and notices his erection. 

She scoffs. Making her do tricks for him for pleasure, just like his fucking mother. 

“You’re a real piece a shit, you know that right,” she mutters crudely as she she hops off the bed, absolutely done with him. 

“Spinel, I’m sorry—“ he whines, lifting himself up the bed to get her. 

“Fuck you, Pink,” she coldly concludes, not even facing him. 

Steven flinches after being called that— and he lowers his hand after trying to reach out to her.

And now she has to change. 

Spinel stands and clothes herself under a beam of light— and she raises her skirt up, scoffing as she sees she’s dressed like a little sailor girl.

She looks so stupid.

But he didn’t watch. Instead he just buried himself against his pillow, his arm over his face in defeat, letting her go. She slams the door behind her in pure anger. 

Steven sighs, burying his hand down his crotch, masturbating to the memory of her coming for him, shifting his hand up and down mechanically, nearly choking on air. 

Relieving his injector, so to speak.

Thinking of her in that short skirt.

Why is he masturbating to her as if he’s in love with her. 

He lets go after he ejaculates , his sticky hand dropping back on the bed, palms up— the fan cooling it.

Was he really as bad his mother. 


	68. Other Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel leaves the house for a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofied

Spinel is seen stomping out of the beachhouse, fuming. Her fists are clenched, and she’s so MAD, and her legs feel kinda wobbly for some reason?— “Wuh!”

And then she fell on the sand. Spinel groans, weakly lifting herself up, legs shaking from all the stress between her thighs. 

Oh, for fuck’s sake, how hard did he fuck her and Heart?

Spinel makes it to Beach City and enters the amusement park, which was bustling with people. Maybe she could entertain herself. Steal candy from babies. Throw popcorn at people so pigeons attack them. Break the machines so people stay stuck in them for hours, ruining their day. Plan world domination. 

You know, the usual.

But instead, she feels someone tap her shoulder as she walks down the boardwalk. Oh, for crying out loud, he just can’t let her be for just a few hours can he— infuriating her so bad she—

“STEVEN, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” she yells, shutting her eyes. 

There’s a cough as people from the crowd disperse from them. 

Her and Lars, that is. Who towers over her. 

He’s wearing a leather vest, and boots, and ripped jeans. Got more piercings, too.

Oh fuck. He was the mystery boy of her dreams, wasn’t he. 

Her and half of Clover’s dreams, that is. It’s clear Heart prefers the sweet, chubby guys who wear pink and sing stupid songs. Ugh, it just makes her wanna gag. 

And thankfully Lars came just when she needed to get over Steven Universe.

Spinel stammers a bit, taken by surprise to see him here— what is someone so cool doing here?— this place was for weenies. But then she remember’s she’s supposed to be the cool alter. 

Spade flinches. 

Alter. Right. 

He wouldn’t understand. 

It would just scare him off. 

He has to keep her disorder a secret from him. 

Why? When Steven accepts her condition so warmly, free of judgement. 

She starts to blush at the thought of him soothing her after her tantrums, cuddling with her — playing with her as Heart, kissing her— oh fuck, oh fuck—

“So what’re ya doin’ here!” she says raspily, swinging her legs— trying to distract herself from her thoughts.

“Hey, uh, Spinel— was it?” she nods. “Hah. This place is totally lame, but... I saw you making your way over here, and I thought we could spend the day together and go on a few rides. Would you like that?” 

“Y-You mean like a d-date?”

“Yeah. I was meaning to ask you out for a while, actually,” he rubs the back of his pink head. He gesture her to follow.

As she walks with him, she can’t help but notice how... similar he looks to Pink. The same pink skin and pastel hair. She’s immediately repulsed by the uncanny resemblance, yet...

Why does this bring her so much... familiarity and comfort? Even more than Steven, her own son does. 

Is it because he simply looks like her, but isn’t related to her like Steven is? Meaning there’s less pain and angst to their relationship? 

She quietly gasps to herself as she remembers this was what she wanted. She messed up so bad with Steven— she wished she could start from scratch with somebody. 

Lars was the one. 

Spinel waits in line while Lars buys her a corndog. He waves at her in line, and she cups a hand to her cheek and sighs. 

Oh, he’s just so dreamy. And so tall. And so athletic and cool. And so... pink. And so not Steven, thank the stars. 

Lars strides back towards her— oh, so attractively with her food in his hands, and he coolly leans against the barrier outside the ride as he hands her the corn dog.

Spinel brings it to her mouth and takes a bite out of it and— Ah!— she cries as she burns her tongue, her lips staining red.

“Ah! A-Are you okay? I should’ve told you it’d be hot— I’m sorry—“ 

Spinel composes herself and remembers the instant fix. 

She stands on her tiptoes and flutters her eyes closed, awaiting her healing kiss. 

Lars looks down at her confused, chuckling anxiously. “Uh, Spinel, what are you doing?” 

Fuck. 

She forgot he’s not Steven. 

She forgot only Steven can heal her with his kisses. 

(Both physically and emotionally, but she denies that.) 

“I-I’m s-sawry, that was silly of me,” she clears her throat, looking away, embarrassed. She must seem so sappy and clingy to him now.

“It’s cool,” he says as he prompts her to step forward as they reach the end of the line. “So you got a new style.”

Spinel looks down at her giant bow and skirt and groans. Eugh, why the fuck was she wearing this. What has Steven done to ussssss!

She feels so out of place, like a cartoon character. 

Them again she always felt out of place like a cartoon character so what’s new. 

“Y-Yeah, uh, just, ya know, cosplayin’!”

“Oh, cool. You like sewing?” 

Spinel stammers— “uh, no? That’s so lame.”

Lars averts her gaze. “Oh, that’s a real shame. I was actually sort of into that. And baking.”

Spinel’s mouth gapes. He... really was quite feminine, despite his intimidating bad boy exterior. 

“Ummm— so lame that I don’t know how to!” she saves herself— “I just got this off the internet, hee hee,” she rubs the back of her head. It’s finally their turn to go on the ride together. 

Lars takes her hand and helps her step in. 

The teacups. 

Kind of boring and childish— Steven takes her in this all the time to relieve stress after work— but Lars makes it cool somehow. 

Steven and Spinel would always spin it insanely fast because of his brute strength— laughing uncontrollably together, causing mayhem and mischief in the park, reliving their childhood selves. Pulling pranks together. Being stupid. 

Steven even held her hand once walking through the boardwalk, as the sun was setting. She flushes at the memory. His strong hands holding her tiny ones. 

Did he like that?

They sit together, waiting for the ride to start— and Lars suddenly starts grazing his leg against hers. Spinel jolts, taken by surprise. 

He looks down at her and leans closer, whispering in her ear, sending shivers down her body. 

“This will be fun.” 

Fuck. 

The ride begins, and Lars sits across her and begins turning the wheel— Spinel follows, and he laughs with her as they both get a bit dizzy. 

This... is fun. 

Their hands are locked on eachother as they keep turning, the tea cup swerving around, surrounded by loving couples and children enjoying themselves. 

This really was a date. 

And Spinel— no, Spade, had never felt happier. So relieved... to be away from Steven for a few hours. She smiles at him— and he smiles back— and as they spin the wheel, their hands meet. 

Spinel gasps— staring at him from across the teacup. The wind in her hair, blowing her pigtails.

He smiles in his eyes as he holds her hands, gripping them— expressing to her that he wants to be with her.

How romantic.

And then he laughed. 

That’s what she’s after. 

The smile in his eyes, the sound of his laughter.

The ride concludes, and Lars steps out— taking Spinel’s hand so she hops out. She stumbles a bit as they walk together, dizzy— and then she falls in his arms in the middle of the boardwalk, everyone staring at them. 

Steven had been on the other side of the boardwalk, staring at her, mouth gaped. Staring at her with her other friend.

He had a balloon in his hand.

Pink.

Was that for her?

Spinel clings onto Lars, and watches Steven turn around and walk away.

He was pissed, stomping down the street— and he was about to let go of the balloon, just as he was ready to give up on their toxic relationship— he recalls, as he keeps forgetting, falling for her on loop— but he sees a little girl crying. 

So he bends down and gives it to her, bringing a smile to her face.

How charming.

Spinel has no idea what she’s missing. 

**

The sun had been setting— and after a few rides— one Spinel was too short to ride, embarassingly enough, meaning she had to extend her limbs to go in— Lars walks her to his bakery. 

Lars playfully bumps his hip onto hers— making her laugh. He then grazes her hand, prompting her to hold it. 

She does, and they walk together— Spinel’s face blushing pink. They were moving so fast— literally— as they had just got off a rollercoaster.

They make it to the bakery, only to see Steven, brows furrowed, arms folded, leaning against the wall waiting for her. Looking at the floor.

He looks so cute when he’s mad. She swears he’s almost pouting— his chubby cheeks— his little sunshine freckles— 

But then she remembers that she’s mad at him for what happened earlier.

He was so gentle with her— she actually thought he cared for her, holding her like that. Making love to her like that. But he just pushed that all away for no reason.

Was she that repulsive? 

And she knows he’s using her. Why else would he sleep with her, when he has Heart and Clover. He’s hiding something from her, she just doesn’t know what. 

As he sees Steven, Lars lets go of her hand in fear Steven wouldn’t approve and come between them— but Spinel grabs it and grips it tight. She glares at him as they enter— and he glares back— and they shut the door behind him, Steven waiting to pick her up as it’s getting dark out. 

What a supportive boyfriend.

A mad boyfriend, muttering to himself as he blows his curly hair out of his face.

Waiting for her outside, making sure she’s safe. 

He thinks about Lars holding her hand and flushes pink, embarrassed to see them together.

Her other friend.

Sort of how Spinel felt when she saw him embrace Connie after he saved her from her exploding injector.

His other friend.

** 

Spinel and Lars are seated inside the bakery— today his day off— and they simply talk as they enjoy a cup of tea and some muffins. 

Spinel... cringes at the sight of her tea, knowing her little “trauma” at the palace, but she blows on her drink repeatedly, just in case. 

“I... I had fun,” she murmurs, taking a sip. 

“I’m glad. I... couldn’t help but notice you were always with Steven. And when I finally saw you alone, I just had to take that chance to ask you out.”

Spinel gets flustered, feeling flattered— but she also gets embarrassed as she realizes she’s always clinging onto Steven. 

Was she that pathetic? So dependant on him after all this time? 

As she looks at Lars and his dark clothing, she can’t help but swoon as she realizes... he likes the real her. Not her other friend. 

Finally, someone loves her.

Finally, Pink loves her— as he reminds her so much of her. 

Her snarky attitude. Her aggression, her raspy voice. Her sarcasm. He must find all that incredibly attractive. 

He fell for Spade instead of Heart.

“Oh, Steven!” Spinel thinks to herself in a feminine voice, rolling her eyes. Of course that’s Steven’s thing. He likes innocent girls— because they remind him of his old self, as he’s practically a monster now as a Diamond. Loving, like his old self— so emotional and soft. And finally, stupid— like he used to be. 

He was so stupid for not seeing the good in her. 

So stupid for not falling in love with her. 

So stupid for leaving her... for his other friend. 

“Uh, Spinel, are you okay?” Lars asks, concerned. Spinel had been holding her cup, trembling— spilling her tea a little. 

She puts it down, forcing a clanking noise against the table. “I’m sawry.” 

Lars puts his hands over hers. “Is it Steven.” 

“Huh?”

“Is Steven being outside making you uncomfortable.” 

Spinel groans a little. Yes, it does. But she doesn’t want to let him get to her. 

She knows she’s just waiting for him outside to remind her he exists— that he’s so sweet to be waiting for her, waiting to take her home— so considerate and protective— knowing it’ll melt her heart. He wants to make her feel guilty for “cheating” on him, her loyal boyfriend. And it’s actually working, as it starts to affect her. 

She feels like such a bad person, doing this to him after everything. 

She starts blinking rapidly, tearing up— dissociating, as Heart wants to run out and see Steven. Hug him. She misses him so much. 

And maybe Spade misses him too. 

But she has to stay strong, so she pulls through. 

“It’s getting late, Spinel,” Lars tells her, standing up. “Let me walk you out.” 

And so Spinel clings onto him and he leads her out the door. Steven waiting by the door, still fuming. 

He doesn’t look to happy to see her with her other friend. 

His other friend, as he and Lars were good friends. 

Not anymore, he thinks, as he focuses his eyes back on the ground, ignoring them. Trying to block them out as they talk. 

As Lars talks to him in front of Steven, feelings come flooding back to Spinel as all this seems so familiar. 

She wants Steven to feel exactly how she felt after seeing him with Connie. 

So as a goodbye, Spinel stands on her tiptoes— extending her legs— and kisses Lars on the cheek. 

Steven flinches and looks at her with gritted teeth, taken aback. 

Betrayed. 

Oh, he just wanted to split them up— push Lars off his girl— take Spinel by the wrist and drag her home— throw her on the bed— pin her down— rip off her skirt— punish her for cheating on him, (despite never actually dating him)— oh, the things he’d do to her—

But instead he just bites his lip, holding back tears as they conclude their kiss. 

Spinel thanks him— and sees Steven turning a bit pink— so she gently pushes Lars to the door, prompting him to go back inside. He waves goodbye, and she shuts the door, leaning against it. 

She sighs. 

That was close. 

Steven gets off the wall and starts walking beside her, heading back home.

“Did you have fun.” 

“Yeah.” 

He really didn’t want to seem possessive towards her. 

He really wanted to show her that he could be a good boyfriend to her. 

But why— WHY does he want her so bad, like a desperate fool? And why doesn’t she like him anymore. He needs his beauty to fall in love with the beast so she breaks the curse! 

_Steveeeeennn! You were so close to completing the puzzle— the storybook picture!_

But Lars, their other friend, ruined everything. He starts boiling up. 

“Why didn’t you let me talk to him,” he blurts out. 

“I knew you were gonna fight him. I won’t let ya hurt him.”

Steven scoffs and rolls his eyes— “Oh, you’re so protective of your real friends and so careless with your fake ones.”

Spinel flinches as that sounds familiar. She sighs— moving forward to leave him alone.

How childish and petty he was right now. 

Just like she used to be. 

***

They get back home, with the gems seated on the couch staring at them. 

Steven impulsively takes her hand— despite not being Spade’s boyfriend— wanting to piss them off— and he guides her up the stairs. 

Spinel magically changes into her pajamas, and lies down on the bed, leaning to the side. Steven removes his jacket. 

She sees Steven near the dresser and takes off his shirt— exposing his back, and his muscles— and Spinel’s breath hikes. She freezes in place, trying not to make a sound. He takes off his jeans, and turns around. 

He leans down beside her on the bed for a moment, and looks at her. 

He kisses her on the cheek— unknowingly healing her burns a little. 

He stands up and flops over her, lying down on the bed beside her, shutting off his light.

“Goodnight.”


	69. Pink and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofied ✔️  
> LAST SMUT CHAPTER FOR A WHILE THANKS FOR UR PATIENCE

Steven finds himself buried under the covers, sighing as he nuzzles his bare chest against Spinel that February morning, cuddling with her in his arms. 

He shifts on his back, taking her with him, and she lies on top of him confused. Steven flutters his eyes open to see Spinel looking at him directly in the eyes.

Oh no, Spade was gonna fucking kill him for doing that— so he pushes her to the side, panting.

Spinel recollects herself, her hands planted on the bed, and she turns around, her eyes watered with tears, rolling down her cheeks. She sniffles.

“You don’t like me no m-more?” she says in a high-pitched voice, indicating that Heart was fronting today.

Oh, baby, no! 

“Oh, no, no, I’m sorry— of course I like you! I thought you were your sister,” he tells her, gently taking her hand. 

“Mmn.. mh. You pwomise?” she says adorably under muffled cries. 

“I promise,” he says as he leads her back to his lap, and he leans across the board. 

She looks down at him, kept warm by his soft pajama sweater. He smiles, his sunkissed freckles shown to her.

“Hiiiii, baby.” 

“I’m not a baby,” she whines.

“Yes you are,” he eskimo kisses her, wrapping his arms around her. “You’re my baby.” 

“Mmnnn— Stevennn.” 

“Spinellllllll,” he whines back, kissing her sweetly on the cheek, making her shyly turn away as she grips his shoulders.

She then shuts her eyes as she remembers her purpose for her master.

She then surprisingly lunges herself at him— enthusiastic to be in his arms again. “Oh, Stevie, I missed you so so so much! Did you miss me? Because I missed you! I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I was sooooo sad!” she rambles, nuzzling his cheek. 

He kisses her cheek, and then looks at her face admiring her upturned scars. 

“Bunny.” 

“Hm?”

“You look like you have little whiskers,” he chuckles. “You’re a bunny. With little buns on your head,  too.”

She pouts, looking away, embarrassed. She brings her hand to her cheek. Did she really look that silly? 

He brings her closer for a little makeout session, rubbing the back of her head and massaging her arms. She leans against his cheek for a moment for a still hug, concluding. He then guides her to sit on his lap, only for her to shift between his legs for comfort, and he grabs the remote so they can watch Pining Hearts together. 

As Spinel is seated on the mattress between Steven’s legs, Steven begins sliding his hand down her hips, flipping her skirt up to expose her panties. She squirms in place— and he then shimmies her panties down with one hand. 

He smiles to see Spinel already a bit wet, likely from a dream last night. 

He presses his lips against her cheek— “I like the skirt.” Spinel sighs at the scent of rose shampoo. 

Spinel clings onto his arm as he trails his hand down her thighs, massaging them. She shuts her eyes in submission, letting out a small groan. She leans on his shoulder, and he brings a hand between her inner thighs, opening her legs for him. 

“Mmn...”

“I’ll be quick. Then we can take a shower,” he murmurs, making her flush. 

Steven inserts a finger inside her, feeling her warmth, and begins rubbing into her, up and down, gently and rhythmically. Her breath hikes, and she arches her back in support, clinging to Steven’s chest as she leans against him. 

He was still so... aroused from last night, after all his tension with Spade. So angry with her, yet so madly in love with her. While he was asleep he had all these... perversive fantasies about her, thinking that because they were so angry at each other, that they’d hate-fuck; he just had to try and reenact any sexual scenario with the only Spinel who was willing.

“Ahm...” 

He then leans over her shoulder, looking down at her intently, rubbing circles inside her, moisture swishing inside her. She begins panting, already getting hot, grinding into his finger for more. 

She thought she was done with playtime with her Diamond. 

He encircles her faster and more aggressively, producing noises inside her, making her squirm— liquid seeping out of her and into his fingers as she’s getting sloppily wet. Her pants are faster— and she’s growing more desperate— she starts thrusting further into him—

And then he lets go. 

Huh? 

He wipes his finger on the mattress, as if he’s “done” with her. She lets out a light scoff in frustration. Really? 

Steven puts his hand on her thigh, massaging it slowly. Nearing her crotch again, taunting her. Arousing her more. 

Spinel wanted him to continue— no, Spinel _needed_ him to continue, as she was tingling wildly inside, feeling warm vibrations within her. F-Fuck, that’s not fair! 

She squirms in her seat, grinding her thighs together— at first subtly, hoping he wouldn’t notice— but as he brings his hand to her breast and begins fondling it intensely in circles, making her sigh in relief, she grinds faster and harder. “P-Please— I need it—“ 

He smirks, knowing she wasn’t gonna be able to resist him. 

“Say that again, Spinel,” he says as he kisses her cheek sweetly. 

“I need it—“

“You need?” he says as he digs his hand down her thigh again, prompting her to try again, knowing it’ll please her. 

“I need you—“ she whines. 

There you go.

His magic word.

He instantly inserts two fingers into her this time without hesitation, making her vibrate as he does so. “Mmm-m-m-m!” she becomes immediately wet, gushing liquid out of her so easily, lubricating his hand to go deeper and faster. She starts grunting in pain behind gritted teeth as he goes deeper and harder, her tits jiggling up and down with his aggressive movements. She clasps his hands as he continues, and she leans back and raises her knees a bit so he can finish her off— “Ah—ah! Ah!” 

She’s nearly hyperventilating, doused in sweat, and she squints as he reaches her center just when she’s about to come— and she squirts into him, wailing loudly— her ribs exposed as she breathes in and out rapidly— gripping tightly onto him. Her voice cracks— ack!— as she finishes ejaculating, fidgeting in front of him. 

Completely satisfied, despite his horrible taunt earlier.

He finished her. 

She melts like jelly in his arms and leans against his chest, breathing rhythmically. He fondles her hair and sniffs the back of her neck, whispering to her that she did a great job— that he loves that she needed him. He rubs her hair until she’s calmed down after numerous high-pitched pants, and he then cups her jaw to press kisses onto her chubby cheek— and she whines, embarrassed as usual. 

She’s so cute. 

He gives her a whiff one more time— and one more profound kiss— and he lifts her off the bed, both incredibly sweaty.

Seems he’s finally mastered this. 

When... did he become such a sexual person, he realized. He figures it’s because of his mother, who was known to have multiple romantic partners in her lifetime. And alongside his healing kisses and rosy scent, he was a natural romantic.

Oh, lucky him. What else did he inherit from her? 

Time to shower. 

Thankfully the gems were out to Little Homeschool this morning, so he just easily carries her with one hand down the stairs and into the bathroom— exposing her ass as she leans against his chest. She bites her thumb— sort of comforting herself like she would when she’d suck on it as a newborn gem. 

But, like she told him, she wasn’t a baby anymore. 

He brings her to the bathroom and places her down on the tub, standing. She takes off her shirt and gloves, and he himself takes off his clothes. She turns on the shower head, with Steven behind her. 

He pushes her, prompting her to lean against the wall so he can finally have sex with her— but she resists. 

“No,” she mumbles. 

“No?”

“I don’t wanna play that game. I told you. I like holding hands, and cuddling, and kissing.”

“And love letter deliveries,” he adds, rolling his eyes. 

“Yessir!” she nods adorably. 

Steven can’t help but feel relieved about that. He couldn’t help but feel that their relationship was mainly sexual— that maybe they didn’t have any chemistry outside the bedroom— that she was just his playmate, or his toy, like she was “coded,” or adapted to do, as her master was now a (lovesick) (lonely) (desperate) (single) (horny) teenage boy. 

He noticed that she and Lars had talked for a long time— actually talked— while they were together. He even let Spade use his phone last night so they could text. 

Yes, he was jealous. 

But he just loved seeing her so happy— as she was smiling at the screen in the dark and he watched— even if it wasn’t because of him. 

Was that pathetic? 

But he still wants to let Heart know he’s waiting for her— so he presses his crotch against her ass so she feels his erection. Spinel gulps, frozen in place. 

“Just know when you want you can climb it, or something,” he says, making fun of her— pressing his face against her head and wrapping his arms over her, holding her close.

“Okey-dokey!” she concludes, not understanding the reference as she had been reset when she said that in front of her injector.

Steven bends down on a knee and prompts her to turn around and face him. He holds her by the arms and kisses her cheek— and then cups both to kiss it again— and then kisses her lips, gazing up at her as she squeams. 

His own love letter delivery. 

Steven massages shampoo into her hair— and him to hers— him comedically shutting his eyes and humming for her. She pours water on his head and face with a cup, and rubs soap into his chest. In order to clean her back— he then brings her into a soapy embrace, rubbing his chest against hers— and she sighs into his shoulder as they grind against eachother softly. Again, he kisses her cheek— and he finally washes her off, turning off the shower. 

He steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around himself— and he bends down so Spinel can dry his hair. 

She’s so short now.

And he’s getting so much taller. 

He worries if she’ll stay the same forever as he grows into a full adult. 

He then wraps a towel around her, dragging it up and down her body to dry it, and he rolls it around her like a burrito. He carries her bridal style and she smiles up at him as he brings her up the stairs. Kissing her forehead gently. 

He sits down on the bed against the headboard and makes her face him, sitting on his lap, his crotch under the covers for her.

Smothering her with kisses.

How funny. 

When she first kissed him on Homeworld, smothering him, he thought she was crazy. Asked her what was wrong with her. 

Now what’s wrong with him?

Spinel kisses his neck, nipping at it— slowly bouncing on top of him, as she can’t help it— only to trail kisses down his stomach, pressing his soft skin against her face— only to flinch when she sees it. 

Sees _her_. 

Heart... hadn’t actually seen his gem before. 

_Her_ gem. 

She starts trembling— but he’s too distracted, tilting his head up panting. Still hot from the shower, probably.

Or hot from her on top of his dick.

She... nears the gem, observing it. Breathing quietly. Fanning it with her breath, fogging it underneath him. She leans her chest on his lap and stares down at it intently. 

She trails her fingers down his stomach as she nears Pink Diamond. 

The other half of her puzzle. 

_My one piece_ , she whispers.

She encircles both her hands around it, eager to caress it, only to get nearer. Her vision blinded by shades of rose. 

_My one friend._

She sees her reflection on the gem as she tries to cradle the cold stone with her fingers. 

Spinel giggles to herself— her cut is perfect, and she’s pink, as well— just like Spinel— and this just makes her so happy—

_My sole master._

_At last, it’s just Pink and I..._

Steven finally notices her hovering over his gem— “Spinel... what are you doing,” he tells her, covering his gem with his large hand. 

“No— wait—“ she says as she flicks his hand off— “I need a minute with her—“ she whines. “Just one! I need to see her!”

Steven gasps as he finally understands what she’s doing. “Spinel—“ his voice cracks.

She bursts out crying, tears streaming down her face— “I know she’s in there—! She’s calling for me—! She needs me—! My best friend—!” 

Steven struggles to get her off of him— this only intensifying her outburst. He grips her shoulders tightly, forcing her to stay still.

”I NEED HER! MY MASTER—! MY MASTER!”

”SPINEL— LET GO!”

“MY MOTHER—!”

Steven gasps, taken by surprise. _Mother?_

Mother? Hah. 

Maybe she really was a baby.

“Spinel— she’s gone—“ he whines, tearing up, gripping at her wrists. 

She screams as she cries louder— “NO! NO! I WON’T LET YOU TAKE ME AWAY FROM HER AGAIN—! YOU STOLE HER FROM ME—! SHE WAS MINE— SHE WAS MINE!” she screeches, shoving him violently. 

“Spinel, baby—“ he chokes, unable to believe she’s telling him this. 

Did he really steal her from him? Her original child?

“I KNOW SHE’S IN THERE— I KNOW IT! I CAN SET HER FREE! THIS CAN FINALLY SET ME FREE! IF I COULD JUST—“ she nears his gem, grunting— pinching it desperately with her fingers, trying to pull it out as hard as she can—

_Just like White did._

And Steven instantly glows pink— and clenches her neck, choking her— gritting his teeth and furrowing his brows in anger— raising his hand up in the air as she grips his hands, trying to free herself. 

Tears in her eyes. 

Her scars returning to normal, cute bunny whiskers no more. 

She’s literally scarred.

Steven stares at her intently, watching her suffocate— Diamonds in his eyes— his beastly form taking full control of him, so careless with his fake friend. 

She looks down at him, whimpering, begging him to let her go— “St-Stevie— p-p-please.”

He ignores her pleads, and chokes her tighter behind clenched teeth. Digging his nails onto her. Making her bleed until she winces.

”Steven, p-please— I d-don’t wanna play anym-more— ah—“

He wants her to feel the pain he did when White Diamond removed his gem and nearly took his life.

“It’s m-me, your new best friend Sp-spinel,” she sobs. 

Steven’s pupils dilate at the sound of that. He loosens his grip as he stares at nothing, dissociating.

“B-Best... friend?” he murmurs weakly.

Spinel nods in desperation, gasping for air. “Mhm—! Your best friend forever. Your b-best, best, bestest friend.”

He stays quiet. Best friends don’t rip out eachother’s gems. 

“Steven, I need you—“ she croaks at her last breath.

His magic word. 

He shuts his eyes and lets her go, fading back to normal. She pants violently for air.

Spinel starts blinking rapidly— dissociating— Spade trying to come out to protect the system. 

Seems they both had defensive alters that appeared when in danger. 

He leans down on the bed, wheezing. Trying to recollect himself. Process what he just did to Spinel. 

What kind of monster had he become?

Spinel is hyperventilating— holding her neck, which has scratches on it, covered in blood. She breaks down crying— prompting him to quickly look up. 

He gasps— “oh, no, no, no, Spinel baby, no—“ he reaches out to her, only to shift back on the bed, telling him no with her quiet eyes. He nears her— he can fix it, he can fix anything— and he cups her cheeks, kissing her roughly and uncontrollably— trying to make everything better. He whines in desperation— please, please, please, it’s your best friend— I _need_ you— but she only whines louder, sobbing, shoving him off— growling— getting aggressive as Spade finally appears.

She stands up and runs away, reforming her outfit along the way, and rushes out the door. 

Steven groans and shuts his eyes as he flops against the headboard, slamming his head against it loudly. 

He winces in pain. But he knows he deserves it for accidentally hurting his lover with his sharp spines. 

Ah, the hedgehog’s dilemma. 


	70. We Don’t Have To Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven chases after Spade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofied
> 
> i renamed “white rabbit” to “hijinks will ensue” 
> 
> thanks for:  
> \- 7000 hits  
> \- 500 comments  
> \- 200 kudos

Everything was going wrong. 

Steven Universe had quickly hiked up his jeans and put on his t-shirt— he picked up his letterman jacket and put it on him as he stormed out the door, chasing after Spinel. 

_His one piece._

He sees her from a distance running up the hill— to the lighthouse. 

Where they first met. 

_His best friend._

Steven finally catches up to her as she has her back turned on him, panting aggressively with clenched fists.

He just wants to talk— “Spinel, we don’t have to fight.”

He reaches up to her, extending his arm— only for him to grab him by the arm and lift it up in the air, slamming him to the ground on his back.

“I don’t want ta’ play anymore,” she mumbles.

He groans, hovering a hand over an eye as the sun was on his face. 

Sunshine. 

But instead of greeting him warmly like the sun, she kneels down and pins him to the ground, throwing violent punches at him repeatedly, shifting his face to the side, back and forth. 

“YOU FUCKING MONSTER! WE TRUSTED YOU! WE TRUSTED YOU! YOU’RE EXACTLY LIKE HER! EXACTLY LIKE PINK— EXACTLY, YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!” she says brassily as she swerves punches at him, all traces of Heart’s sweetness forgotten. 

As she punches him, he starts flickering pink— he has just a little bit of energy— he can finish her off, bubble her again maybe— _shatter her, Pink_ — so he grabs her by the shoulders and swerves her to the side, that way it’s him towering over her now. 

He raises his arms in the air in a fist, ready to punch her back— she raises her hands, trying to push him off by gripling his face and there’s a struggle— but he already exerted so much of his Diamond energy recently, he groans as he gradually fades back to normal.

Spinel looks up at him, mouth parted, prepared to be shattered. 

Not without saying goodbye to the one who returned to her six thousand years later in the form of a teenage human boy.

_Her sole master._

Spinel stammers quietly.

“My m-master—“ she whispers to him, desperately trying to cup his cheek in her final moments with him, knowing he’ll never want to see her again. 

Steven pauses, staring at her— hiking his breath. 

Her... her master?

He shuts his eyes and lets her caress him— giving in for some reason— brows furrowed in focus— as he needs to be touched by her so desperately— he’s never felt so alone, already falling for her again— only for him to flinch and snap out of it as he realizes she called him—

Master?

“Don’t say that to me!” he flicks it away, only for her to growl behind gritted teeth and push him to the side— only to kneel on him and attack him again, angry he didn’t reciprocate her feelings.

Here we go again. 

They’re truly on a loop, falling in and out of love with eachother, reliving the story over and over again. Their feelings fading and returning with every incident. 

“Spinel, stop! We don’t have to fight!” 

But she ignores him, and she thwacks him with her fists— with blood gushing dramatically out of his nose— he gets a cut on his lip, wincing— but she continues, slamming into him until he gets a black eye— she screams— “you’re just not good for us! You’re just not good at ALL! AUGH! AUGH! AUGH! AUGH! AUGH! AUGH! AUGH!” she screams, sobbing— until Steven leans against the grass and closes his eyes— and finally she concludes, pounding her fists into his chest one last time, causing him to gasp for air. 

She melts after fighting so hard and slides off of him, laying on the ground with him, panting. 

She closes her eyes, awaiting her death at the hands of her Diamond when she wakes up. 

**

About an hour had passed, and Spinel flickers her eyes open, met by a clear, blue sky and a cool winter breeze.

Is she dead? 

She shifts her head to the side to see Steven beside her, covered in blood, breathing lightly as he’s asleep.

She looks down to see that he had been holding her hand in her sleep. 

Oh, stars. Even when she just beat him up, nearly to death, he still wants to comfort her. 

Comfort himself too, maybe.

She swerves her body towards him to face him. He’s... covered in blood, and he has a bruise under his eye. He’s breathing slowly— wheezing as his nostrils are filled with blood pouring out of him— his hair flowing a bit in the breeze, drying his cuts. 

She hovers on top of him to sit on his lap, looking down at him. Caressing his cheek as he flutters his crusty and tired eyes open to see her. 

Even in this horrific state, he still looks cute, she admits. 

He just looks so needy. 

And so much softer this time.

Did he lose weight? 

“M’... m’ sawry, rosie,” she mumbles as she holds his cheek, rubbing it. He cups her hand, looking up at her with parted lips and hooded eyes. His eye bags darker then ever, intensified by his purple bruises.

He looks exhausted. And it’s all because of her. 

She just tried to kill him. Yet why does he still treat her so warmly, holding her so close like this. 

She bends down to kiss him— knowing she doesn’t have healing powers— but she plants one on his lips anyway, as an apology for her violent outburst. He reciprocates, intensifying the angle as he cups her cheeks, gazing up at her.

Even when she’s at her worst— her buns undone and her face dirty— he still takes a moment to admire her beauty.

Who’s fronting right now, anyway?

Is this Heart, Spade, or Clover, now?

... Is there even such a thing as alters? 

Or was that just another one of Spinel’s little games? 

Spinel slides off of him and leans against his chest, massaging his stomach. Trying to comfort him with his warm body, feeling him breathe up and down. 

After a few minutes, he finally speaks— his voice raspy as ever, dehydrated.

He remembers what just happened between him and Heart. How she tried to rip out his gem. 

“Do you even love me?” he asks her. 

“Huh?” she looks up at him. 

“Or do you just like me because I have my mother’s gem,” he asks coldly. 

“No, no... it’s just that—“

“It’s just what.” 

“It’s just that you’re all we have left of Pink,” she confesses. “We’re just so tired, we don’t have answers.”

“We? I’m tired of this little game of yours, Spinel. Switching between your ‘other friends’ every second... It’s driving me insane—“ he mutters, lifting his back up, forcing her to seperate from him. She looks down, ashamed. Ashamed of her illness. 

He rubs his head, recovering from a migraine.

Spinel scoffs. How ironic. 

She’s the one who had other friends all along, not him. 

“Why do you always do this, Pink?”

Spinel freezes, and slowly peers up at him. “...Huh?”

“I said. Why do you always do this, Spinel.” 

Spinel reflects back on her actions and thinks to herself. 

Why do I always do this? 

She winces as she hears a voice— and sees Spade talking down on Heart, who’s alone in the garden.

_Why do ya always do this, Spinel?_

“B-Because I’m lonely, Steven,” she responds, shutting her eyes to focus on the image. 

Suddenly, an aggressive voice cuts her inside her head, startling her— “So you’re ‘lonely’, huh?! And exactly whose fault is that, eh?”

It was Spade, jeering at Heart. 

Was it really... her fault? She presses her hands against her face, whimpering. 

“Sure, Pink ditched us,” Spade points at Heart, “but it was YOU who kept us in the garden for six thousand years!” 

Heart— and Spinel— start quivering their lips. Spinel recalls her waiting for hours for Pink under the endless, starry sky. 

“Ya could’ve left anytime ya wanted. You KNEW about her fancy lil’ colony, and it nevah’ occurred ta ya ta’ just go there an’ find her, knowin’ she’d be there—?!”

Spinel flinches as Spade raises her voice— “NAT EVEN ONCE—?! The warp pad was RIGHT FUCKIN’ THERE.”

Steven notices her dissociating, in a daze, and hugs her for support beside her. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders. A tear strolling down his face as he hates to see her suffer. 

So that’s why Spade hates Heart so much. 

Not because they’re opposites. 

But because it was Heart who couldn’t bring herself to leave the garden, trapping them both there.

Like Jasper and Lapis Lazuli under Malachite. 

Their own little game. 

Did she hate herself that much?

Why couldn’t Heart bring herself to leave the garden? 

Is it because she was afraid of change? 

That Era II was beginning, and that her Diamond was leaving the comforts of her home? Is it because she wasn’t ready to play a new game, knowing she’d lose—? Knowing she’dlose against the humans— against Pearl—? 

Is it because she knew she deserved to die alone? 

Spinel stood in the same spot for six thousand years, and s ure, Pink booped her so she’d stay still. But those little commands can’t last forever, can they? She didn’t order her as a Diamond. She ordered her as her playmate, in the most innocent way possible. 

Only for her to obey her for six thousand years, never moving an inch. Never thinking to go home. 

She just wanted to finally make Pink happy by letting her win her little game. 

She was just wanted to play along, hoping it would help her.

This was every day with Heart and Spade. Every night they’d fight. 

And Clover was right in the middle of it, dealing with Heart’s sobs and wails and Spade’s violent screams and outbursts. 

That’s why she left— so there’d be one less voice inside their head. So they could just listen to each other. Talk things out, with Steven helping perhaps.

Heart seemed so scared after Steven attacked her. 

Steven can’t even tell which alter just kissed him. 

God knows Spade’s just gonna fall for Lars again. 

Was he really losing the game? 

Was he doomed to be a beast forever, because he can’t get all alters of Spinel to fall in love with him? 

Is... is he that hard to love? 

Surrounded by the Crystal Gems, by the Homeschool, by the Diamonds, by Beach City, he thought the opposite. But as Spinel’s cowering, crying to herself because of him— he thinks— why is he so difficult to love? 

Is it because he isn’t her Happily Ever After, even though she’s his? 

Does she belong to Lars, an unusual prince? 

As Steven’s in thought, Spade is jeering at Heart mercilessly and cruelly, reaching her breaking point. 

_You’re the reason I feel like this._

_You’re the reason I look like this._

_You’re the reason I ACT like this._

Blaming her for all their problems.

_You think you’re so cute and harmless because you were Pink’s lil’ playmate— and I never was— and Steven, six thousand years later, just adores you, huh?! You think you’re so special, free of any wrongdoings._

_Well I see right through your little act._

_You’re a fucking BEAST— and I WISH YOU WERE DEAD! I WISH YOU DIED ALONGSIDE THOSE MEMORIES IN THE FUCKIN’ GARDEN! YOU SHOULD’VE BEEN FORGOTTEN FOREVER!_

Spinel whines, tears pouring out of her eyes and Heart starts fronting, trembling— Steven just grips her tighter, burying his face in her neck— pressing his lips against her cheek. Kissing her briefly, looking down in disappointment, ashamed he can’t do anything. 

Spinel’s weeping— and Spade’s voice just gets louder— and she starts stammering— but she just can’t find the words, leaving herself mute against her.

She’s powerless against her alter. 

Powerless against herself. 

_Who are you tryin’ ta’ kid? Usin’ Steven Universe like this— when you KNOW you only love him because he has Pink’s gem. Hopin’ she comes back ta’ ya someday. You’re just so dependant on your abusa’ who abandoned you, who left ya ta’ rot, like it’s in your code, huh?!_

Spinel starts yelling— trying to  silence the voice inside her head— “NO! NO! THAT’S NOT TRUE! I LOVE HIM!” she whines, and Steven kisses her cheek, trying to dry her tears. He holds her tighter.

But Spade continues— _He’ll never love you. He just sees you as his innocent, loving, stupid little playmate. You know he’s only interested in you because you’re a souvenir, right? One a Pink’s lost treashas. A memory of his mother. He’ll never really love you._

“Mff— mff—!” Spinel whines, only to hear Spade cackling, mocking her, taking pleasure in her suffering. 

_You’re so fucking stupid, ta’ think he could love you._

_So fucking stupid ta’ believe anyone would love a dumb broad like you._

_You can’t hold onto him forever, Ellie_ — and Spinel flinches as she knows what Spade’s about to say— _you can’t stop him from drifting a—_

She cuts her. 

“WE CAN MAKE IT DIFFERENT—!” she screams at the top of her lungs, startling Steven off of her.

_Don’t you fucking dare—_

“WE CAN MAKE IT RIIIIGHT!” she whines, sobbing. 

_Don’t you dare sing that fucking song or so HELP ME—_

“WE CAN MAKE IT B-BETTER! WE DON’T HAVE TA’ FIGHT!” 

_No— no! You can’t fix everything with some STUPID SONG!_

“We can make an effort— startin’ with toniiiiiiight!”

_No! NO!_

”Because we—“

...

“...We can make a change,” Steven finishes, squeezing her hand and smiling warmly towards her.

And he’s so proud of her. 

Spinel is panting heavily, her ears covered as she had been fighting to block out Spade’s voice. Steven gives her a minute to calm down.

“Mm—m—“ she whimpers desperately, and starts slowing down her breaths as Spade’s finally gone. 

Steven hugs her, and as he does so, he pulls her back on the grass to lay with her, embracing her. 

She whines— she was such a mess— a monster— why does he still treat her better, and want her around like this? 

Steven nuzzles against her, burying himself in her neck— leaning up to send kisses on her cheek— smothering her like she deserved. He massages her hair and cries for her as he rocks her body on the grass. 

“I love you very, very, very much, Spinel,” he confesses, holding back tears. 

Spinel’s heart stops.

“Mmm— mh—“ 

“It’s true. I love you so, so much. I’ve always loved you.”

“Always—?” she whispers. 

“When I met you, I first thought you were evil— incapable of becoming better— but after knowing you, seeing you change, I knew you were good—! I knew you could change!” he says as he kisses her cheek— and kisses her again and again, plastering her with his blood,  mistakenly. 

He rolls on top of her, cupping her cheeks as she grips his arms— kissing her repeatedly— mwah, mwah— concluding with one final smooch on her lips, healing her pain. 

He caresses her hair, putting it out of her face. He tells her: 

“Spinel.”

She looks up at his bruised and scratched face. 

“I know I’m all you have left of Pink. And I know you’re all I have left of her, too...”

Spinel slowly nods, averting her gaze, ashamed. Ashamed to be using him. 

Is he using her? 

“But that’s not all true— there’s a missing piece I need you to see—!”

“There is—?” she asks, looking up at him, drying her wet eyes by blinking up at him. He concludes by putting a strand of hair behind her ear, forgiving her. 

“We’re going on vacation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based off: https://www.reddit.com/r/spinel/comments/i5cwl4/spinel_visits_homeworld_chapter_3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


	71. A Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel arrive at the hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where is it. i dont see it.
> 
> proofied ✔️

At the landing strip, Steven picks up Spinel by the waist from the plane and drops her to the floor, as a few days later they had finally arrived to their destination. 

Employees speaking a foreign language surround them, and Uncle Andy appears from the other side of the plane to pat Steven on the back, proud for finally embracing his pilot heritage. 

“So the Universes are goin’ ta Korea!” 

** 

Steven waves goodbye to Uncle Andy, who had accompanied them on a taxi to their hotel, Spinel daintily seated on Steven’s lap in the car. He waves goodbye as they get off the vehicle, and leads Spinel inside the building. 

The Universes? 

Does that mean he thinks Spinel is married to Steven? 

She blushes at the thought. 

Steven checks them in at the lobby— an extremely modern-looking place— and the employees take their bags. Steven grabs some brochures and holds Spinel’s hand, guiding her up the elevator. 

“What is this place?” she whispers, looking at the elegant elevator. 

“Korea. I’ve been here before with my dad... I love this place. And I think you will, too.”

“Why’re we here?” 

“To visit a tourist spot.” 

**

Steven had been unpacking their bags while Spinel had been laying on the bed, thinking. She listens to him sort their stuff together, preparing them for the next day. Steven finally wraps up and sits on the bed beside her, reading a travel magazine. 

He notices her unbelievably quiet as she turns her back on him. Is she okay? 

“Spinel?” she flinches as he calls her. “What’s wrong?” 

Spinel buries herself into the pillow, ignoring him. 

He tries to reach out to comfort her, but he grits his teeth and lets go as he realizes she wouldn’t want to be touched after what he did to her.

“Spinel, that wasn’t me.”

“M’m?” she mumbles. 

“When I—“ he shuts his eyes— “hurt you after you tried to rip apart my gem. That wasn’t me. That was my Diamond self, defending me from danger.”

Defending? Was she dangerous to him? She just feels worse now.

Spinel hugs herself and whimpers at the memory of her choking him. He notices her discomfort, how now she’s drifting away, too, and feels disgusted with himself— so he has an outburst. 

“I just— I JUST DON’T GET IT!” he shouts. 

Spinel jolts, and hesitantly turns around to face him, confused. 

“I don’t get it. I love you so much, and I want to protect you,  and, and he knows that— yet when you make one little mistake and accidentally hurt me, he goes berserk, trying to kill you like you’re my enemy!” he flails his arms, trying to make sense of everything. 

Spinel responds. 

“...We are your enemy, Steven.”

Steven rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. 

“No you’re not. You’re my girlfriend...s,” he smiles awkwardly behind gritted teeth. Oh, geez, he hadn’t realized he had two girlfriends now— Spade pending. 

“Steven... you know how you and the Diamond’s powers can go in reverse now?” 

“Yeah.”

“So can ours! So can our purpose.”

“Huh?”

“Just as we’re ya best friend, we’re also ya worst enemy.” 

Steven flinches. “No... come on, that’s crazy-talk. Please, don’t say that, that can’t be.”

“Oh, but it is. Just as we have powerful, loving thoughts towards you, we also have vengeful ones that are just as strong,” she says, lifting her back up to face him.

Steven looks down at his lap. She... really was his worst enemy, he realized. He had been his most powerful foe yet— ironically so, for being an entertainer gem. 

And just as Steven loved her, his Diamond self hated her just as much— so much he wants to kill her. 

“Well,” he shuts his eyes, “so do I.” 

Spinel blinks up at him. “Huh.”

Steven takes her hand to hold it, looking down, unable to face her. “You know how my body usually swells pink when we sleep together?”

Spinel nods. 

“That’s how you can tell my body’s going in defense mode. It’s trying to protect itself...”

“Against me,” she concludes for him.

Steven gives her a simple nod. Feeling guilty to admit this to her.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why. I know you aren’t the person you used to be anymore, it’s just that my body hasn’t processed that.”

Oh, but we are. Even though we’ve changed, we’re not actually “changed.” Our vengeful thoughts may be gone, but they’re not permanently gone.

But she doesn’t tell him that, knowing it’ll scare him. 

He changes the subject, seeing that the mood is tense now.

“Spinel, have you heard of the hedgehog’s dilemma?”

“No, wuzzat.”

“It’s... this metaphor. About love,” he says, staring directly at her. 

“Love?” she blushes. 

He nods. “We’re two hedgehogs freezing in the bitter winter. And we need to remain close and nuzzle against eachother to remain warm, find heat within the cave.” 

She listens intently. 

“But... because of our sharp spines,” he says as he pulls up his shirt for a moment, exposing his gem, making Spinel gulp— “we’ll only hurt eachother... so we have to remain apart.”

Referring to his violent Diamond powers.

“But... we’ll stay cold and alone without eachother. And sad.”

He looks at her sadly. “Exactly.”

“But I— but the hedgehogs need eachother! Doesn’t that make it all worth it, despite the pain?” 

Steven sighs, making her flinch. “Spinel. Love... can’t occur without some kind of mutual harm. If we want to be together, we’ll inevitably hurt each other someday, somewhere, somehow, no matter what.” 

What? No...

Spinel starts tearing up, holding his hand tighter, digging her nails into his skin so he stays. She whines. “No, I don’t want that. I need you—“ he lets go of her hand for a moment only to plant his palm against hers.

“Spinel... love is a sacrifice. It’s not going to be easy. I’m always going to hurt someone with my Diamond powers.”

Spinel stays quiet. 

“Exactly like I’ve hurt Connie.”

“Huh?”

“I’m... a gem. And she’s a human. I can’t describe how dangerous I am around humans.”

“How come?”

“I’m the son of a Diamond. It’s coded in my gem to... to destroy,” he looks down in shame.

“But you’re a healer.”

“I am. But that’s because what I think I’m doing is healing. I think what I’m doing is for the greater good.”

“How?”

“Spinel, when my mother colonized the Earth— when the Diamonds conquered other planets— they committed countless genocides against those planets’ inhabitants to ensure they take all the planet’s resources swiftly and with ease.” 

Spinel goes quiet again, ashamed of her heritage. 

“It’s coded in my gem, as a colonizer, to want to exterminate humans. They’re an obstacle in my greater purpose as a dictator. I’m meant to hollow out every planet I step foot on as Pink Diamond.”

Spinel averts her gaze. 

Just like she is. That’s why it was her first instinct to poison the planet Earth— because that was her nature as a gem. But she didn’t get these thoughts anymore. yet Steven still does, with such a powerful gem within him, taking control of him. 

“I could kill Connie with my powers—“ his voice cracks— “And I almost have! I glow pink when I’m tense, and my body grows— to the point that I can’t stand to see her, as she’s a trigger for me— and I grow until I’m a horrifying giant — and— and I’ve even been corrupted, turning me into a—“

“A monsta’,” she concludes, not even facing him. 

There’s a silence between them. 

Steven sighs. 

She knows exactly what he’s going through. He was about to reach out to her for a hug— but instead he winces. 

His voice grows raspier as his feelings intensify, remembering how she left him. “Where. Were you,” he says, trembling in her hands. 

“Hah?” she says a bit comedically, as she’s scared to see him grow so bitter all of a suddenly. 

He glares up at her. “Where were you. When I needed you, Spinel.”

He... needed her? 

“Needed me for what?” she says cutesly, scratching her head by encircling her arm with her elasticity dramatically. Trying to lighten the tense mood a bit. 

“Needed you— for EVERYTHING!” he bursts out, letting go of her hand. She looks at him with concern. “When my friends were drifting away, when Connie rejected my proposal, when my dad would leave me for months to go on tour, when the gems were so busy with the school, when my Diamond powers intensified so much I turned into a monster— WHERE WERE YOU!” he screams, flushing pink and causing a small earthquake. 

Spinel stays quiet, hugging herself with a pillow, unable to look him in the eye. 

“With the Diamonds. You were with the Diamonds...— the people I hate MOST in this world. I-I can’t believe I was so fucking stupid,” he stammers, “I can’t believe I let you go so... so easily! So carelessly! When you were so special! When you were my real friend all along!” he says in disbelief.

Spinel starts tearing up as she also realizes this. She could’ve been there for him, but she wasn’t. Instead she was playing pretend with the Diamonds to fulfill herself after the loss of Pink. And Steven, subconsciously. 

“You— you understand EVERYTHING I’m going through, don’t you. But you don’t tell me these things because you’re ashamed. You of all people know what it’s like to have your parents become so occupied they ignore you. You of all people know what it’s like to have tantrums and outbursts, unable to control your emotions. You of all people know what it’s like to have your loved ones drift away, and forget you— you of all people know what it’s like to be alone. You of all people know how what it’s like to change so dramatically— you of all people know what it’s like to waste so much time— know what it’s like to have to grow up so quickly— know what it’s like to feel so much anger and hatred, you nearly destroy yourself— you know what it’s like to wreck everything, let your vengeful thoughts overpower you— you know what it’s like to become a monster, so different from who you truly are!”

Steven scoffs.

“You’re— you’re amazing— and you’ve overcome so much, everything I’m going through right now. But for some reason I can’t beat it. And I know I’ve been mean to you in the past— and I regret that— but you’re just so, so amazing! I was just too blind by everything you did in the past to see it! You’re strong, you’re funny, you’re so sweet, you’re witty and you’re sassy, you’re so caring— all you wanna do is see me happy! That’s all! You always put others before yourself, always.” 

Spinel blushes, as no one had ever complimented her so passionately before.

She can’t believe he sees the good in her, when the first thing she did to him when they met was poof his friends and threaten to kill him. 

“I should have never, ever let you go with the Diamonds. I wanted you to stay on Earth with me, here! Start over again, make new friends—! I could’ve healed you from your traumas, I could’ve made you so happy!” he tears up, smiling at her brightly. “We could’ve been together! We could’ve—“ 

Been married. But he doesn’t tell her that.

But the reason why she chose the Diamonds was because she couldn’t stand to live in Beach City or on Earth knowing that she tried to destroy it. Or that the Crystal Gems would never accept her. Or that Steven had a girlfriend all along. So she chose what was most familiar to her, staying as a jester in the palace.

He jumps on the bed and kneels across from her— nearing her. He sees that she’s embarrassed— and he doesn’t want her to be! He wants her to be proud of herself, and how far she’s come since they met! 

“I just— ugh!” he whines, cupping her cheeks. “You have no idea how much I love you!” he says as he smacks his lips against hers— and she gasps— kissing her with passion, eyes fluttered closed. He parts, and Spinel looks at him in awe— “I love you so much!” he says as he kisses her again and again, harsher and harsher, expressing his undying love for her. “Mmn—“

He seperates from her and clasps her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers. 

Like two little hedgehogs with their five spines.

They pant together, tingling at each other’s touch. So excited to hold each other, like innocent virgins again.

“When I was with Connie... I hated myself so much, because I was the hedgehog in the relationship. That I was the volatile one, capable of hurting her most with my powers. That I was uncontrollable, and difficult to love because of this,” he looks up at her, meeting her eyes. Smiling with his eyes— surprising her with the sound of his laughter— “but you loved me so easily! Instantly, from the moment we met! You made me feel easy to love, even today, right here, right now when I see myself as a monster!”

Spinel blinks rapidly— only to squint and raise a hand to her forehead, searching for something.

“A monsta? Where is it. I don’t see it,” she replies, and he just chuckles and leans his forehead against hers. He seperates.

Steven raises their clasped hands up, observing them with her— “But now that we see that this is our shared dilemma... we both repelled our loved ones behind. Watched them drift away from us because we were too dangerous. We truly thought we were meant to be alone in the bitter cold. But when I intertwine my fingers with you like this, so perfectly, our spines uniting, I see that you’re a hedgehog, too, just like me!”

She finally smiles as she understands. They were like a puzzle— and that since their spines fit together perfectly, that the pain wouldn’t be so bad anymore. 

They could get through the winter together.

“And— and I’m not yours, and you’re not mine, but we make eachother so happy anyway,” he laughs anxiously, “isn’t that lovely?” he blushes— “Isn’t that cool? Hah, tell me to stop—!”

Spinel lets go and grips him by the shoulders, shaking him— “Don’t ever stop!” Steven eyes dilate and he grits his teeth, staring at her. 

And Steven lunges into her again and cups her by the cheeks, kissing her— furrowing his brows to focus, alternating positions to deepen the kiss— and Spinel reciprocates, wrapping her arms around his neck. Despite his musculature, he still holds her back daintily, caressing her, bringing her close to his chest so she can serve as his heart— and him as her family, finally. 

They moan into eachother, parting for a second only to envelop their tongues around eachother— shifting them against eachother, desperate to taste eachother again— rosewater and strawberry essence combined.

Steven swerves her body back to the bed so their heads meet the pillow, and he trails kisses down her neck and nips at her— “Ah— ah! Mmn—“ she moans as she wraps her arms around him on top of her, only for him to to suck at her skin and give her a hickey, tickling her like a little monster. 

“St-o-o-o-op!” she giggles, but he persists, suctioning her cheek with kisses— he buries his face onto hers and growls adorably, pretending to be a tickle monster. Her cheeks flush and her dimples protrude as she smiles— she’s never been so happy before—! and as their makeout session concludes— a line of drool coming between them— Steven looks down at her and wipes the hair off her sweaty face to see her better. 

“You’re mine,” he tells her, and she softly gasps. She’s... finally his?

“And I’m yours,” he whispers, nuzzling her with his nose. “And I’m never, ever letting you drift away again,” he says as he buries his nose in her neck and slides next to her, cuddling her as they take a nap, eager to start their vacation in Korea.


	72. Lost Treasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel visit the palanquin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROOF’D  
> kpop episode. stan twice
> 
> tw: suicide

Once again, Steven finds himself buried in Spinel’s neck, cuddling against her in their luxurious hotel bed, officially beginning their honeymoon vacation.

But that’s just part of Steven’s fantasies about her. He doesn’t tell her that.

Steven nuzzles the back of Spinel’s head as he spoons her, smelling her shampoo— as she used the one from the hotel, after showering together after their nap.

Steven sighs, and grazes his hand up her stomach and begins fondling her breast, causing her breath to hike. He rubs her, caressing her skin, and buries his face inher neck, kissing her cheek. “Good morning, Sunshine.” 

Spinel groans as she stretches, and as she shifts in bed— he realizes Spade was fronting today— so he immediately seperates from her. _Ah!_ He gasps as he leans his elbows on the mattress, panicking.

“Hm? Why’d ya stop?”

Steven grits his teeth and stares down at her, raising his hands up to protect himself. 

“You’re not mad?”

Spinel tilts her head. “Mad?” she pokes her chubby cheek playfully. “Why would I be mad at my— best friend!” she squeals as she pounces on him, smothering him with kisses.

Sigh.

Seems like Spade wasn’t gonna front today either. She had been gone for a week since Heart conquered her invasive thoughts by the lighthouse.

Oh, and he was so, so proud of Heart.

But still, he’s worried about his other friend.

He still wanted to be friends. 

She’s a challenge. It’s not going to be easy for him.

But Heart makes him wanna try again.

Spinel is seen on top of Steven— and he wraps his arms around her as she continues kissing him sweetly, so excited to spend another complete day with him, without Spade interfering. 

Spinel blows a raspberry on his cheek and he giggles— only for Heart to conclude by hugging him, nuzzling against his chest. She mumbles: “Good morning, sunshine.”

Steven embraces her with his strong arms, but he can’t help but feel concerned about Spade. 

“Spinel... how is Spade? I haven’t seen her in a week, since...”

She looks up at him. “Since she tried ta’ kill you? Oh, that was so embarrassing,” she says, only to look back down and nuzzle him more, keeping him all to herself. 

He interrupts. “Has she talked to you? Is she still tormenting you in your thoughts?” he says as he rubs the back of her head. 

“No, she hasn’t. Instead she has been uh, um.” 

“Throwing tantrums again?”

“...You could say that!” 

“Huh?” he asks as he lifts his back up, taking her up with him. 

“Spinel. What is she doing.”

Spinel smiles awkwardly, but he seems really serious about this, so she shuts her eyes to visualize Spade. She flicks them open, revealing her long and thick lashes. 

“She’s... tryna kill herself, hah.” 

Steven grips her shoulders violently— “WHAT!”

Spinel flicks her hand up and down nonchalantly. “Oh, but don’t worry, she fails like, every time. She’s so funny like that!” she smiles, making Steven uncomfortable. 

“Spinel, that’s not funny— that’s suicide!” he says as his voice cracks. 

“It’ll be fiiiine, really! She tried to kill us before, only to mess it up super bad. An epic fail. So embarrassing, really. She has to stop playing that stupid game, she just keeps losing pathetically hehehe!”

“Spinel... that isn’t a game. And what do you mean she tried before? You mean she tried to kill your host body?”

Spinel nods and squeaks. “Mhm! In the garden, after we saw your projection on the hologram.” Steven’s heart sinks after hearing that, and his pupils dilate as he looks at her.

“Was it because of m—“

“That’s when Spade appeared for the first time, yay!” she cheers, prompting him to celebrate, too. 

“Haha, yay?” he says anxiously, feeling extremely nauseous. Why is she happy to being subject to a lifetime of abuse and torture. 

“Yup! After Pink abandoned us, Spade decided to play a new game! So she isn’t so different from me after all. She just... walked to the nearest column, and tried to shatter herself! Problem solved!” she grins, pleased to know Spade also liked games. 

Steven cups his cheeks. Oh, no, no, no— this can’t be happening. This has to be a dream!

“She didn’t want to exist anymore, but I found that so silly because she had just been born! Like, why would she wanna die? So she tried to kill herself, only to mess up miserably. She couldn’t even do it right!” she giggles, bringing her hand to her cheek. Her giggles only make Steven flinch in discomfort, finding himself twitching his eye now. 

“She like, really really really really wasn’t thinking right, heehee,” she says playfully, her peppy tone of voice conflicting with the subject at hand. “Totally loopy! Whoopsy-daisy! Woo-woo-woo!” she says as she lifts her finger up and does funny circle motions beside her head, rocking her head and dizzying herself, playing. “That’s funny, right?”

Steven shakes his head no, anxiously. This is so not funny.

At least she found that entertaining. 

“Anyway! That’s why we have our little whiskers. She keeps telling me they’re scars from crying, or cuts down our cheeks, or war paint representing our trauma, but where’s the fun in that!” she brings her hands to her hips and shakes her head. “No fun at all, tsk, tch. I tell you what!”

Why is she so casual about all this?!

“So something good came out of us trying to die!” she grins enthusiatically, exposing her teeth and chubby cheeks. “We got a new style— did ya like it?” she blinks her eyes up at him. 

Steven doesn’t want her to tell he’s uncomfortable, so he nods slowly to please her. 

“She wanted us ta’ look like a monsta’, to scare everyone away so we’d die alone,” she says as she wraps her arms around Steven’s neck, and he stops breathing. “But you saw the good in us again, Pink, since you rescued us,” she says as she presses a moist kiss on his cheek, kicking her legs up flirtatiously. She nuzzles against his neck. “Isn’t that lovely?” 

Steven grits his teeth and groans awkwardly. Um, Heart... was so much weirder than he thought. He thought Spade was the emotionless and soulless one, but maybe... it was actually Heart all along?

That’s so scary.

And he thought they were perfect for each other.

Was he ever gonna be happy with Spinel?

Maybe he should give Spade another chance. He has to, anyway, as his roots are pastel pink now.

He slowly pushes her off, as not to upset her. “Um, haha, yeah. Remember, Spinel, I’m not Pink Diamond!” 

“You aren’t?” she blinks innocently. “Then why did you choke us again?” she asks.

“H-Huh? Again?”

“Oh, you don’t remember?”

“Remember what!” he raises his voice as his heart beats rapidly. 

“The game we used to play together, silly-billy! Where you choke me,” she raises her hands and starts counting all the things Pink would do to her, “push me, yell at me, neglect me, isolate me, mock me, hit me, tug my hair, pull my limbs until I cry, curse at me... you know, the usual! Don’t cha’ remember that, Kiki?”

“Kiki—?!”

“We had so much fun!” she squeals. “I was like, a stress toy now! That’s so silly— and you told me I was finally useful now! Oh, you’re so smart, pinkie,” she hums, admiring him. 

Steven brings his hands to his chest, trying to stop his panic attack— his mother— did all that to her—?! Is that why Spade told him he was exactly like her, because his mother choked her like that too?!

“Spinel— t-that’s not right.”

“Not right? But what do you mean? That was my purpose— to be your playmate! You simply... adapted it to fit your tantrums! That’s a reason why I’m so stretchy, after all, heehee.”

“What! You’re stretchy so you can do tricks, Spinel!”

“Um, and be tugged like a ragdoll without breaking? And thrown? And flung? Duh!” she boops his nose. 

Steven starts to tense up, getting frustrated. “Why didn’t you tell me this!” he grips her shoulders, shaking her, but she just sticks her tongue out as if he’s playing with her now. He finally stops as he sees she’s not snapping out of it.

“Hm. I guess I just buried that in my subconscious? I think that’s why Spade surfaced, ta’ protect me and help me forget! But I was like— um, protect me from what, silly!” she rolls her eyes childishly. 

“But then Spade realized I was the only who trapped us in the garden,” she averts his gaze as she drags on, groaning, “and then Spade got all mad, and she didn’t want ta’ be the system’s protector anymore and it’s all my fault, then she tried to kill herself because she didn’t want to pull through with her purpose or be with me so that’s also my fault...” she tilts her head to the side as she remembers all this. Steven just grits his teeth and cringes the whole time.

“But then she poofed the body and failed to die— so she just decided to kill you alongside herself by poisoning the planet and wiping all her memories— and then she specifically reset us so I was the one ta’ die in a form of revenge against me specifically, oh she’s so quirky—“ Steven cringes— “while Clover had to watch the entire time, unable to do anything to stop herrr.” 

“Spinel, stop—“

“But then you came and made everything better! And then we fell in love wit’ cha, and we were really happy to die with our Diamond on the planet we were supposed to live on until Pink abandoned usssss, and then you sang us some songs and solved everythin’ and now everything’s so much better!”

There’s a pause, and Steven blinks rapidly as he tries to process all this.

That’s why they’re so dependent on him. Because he’s the only one who could make her happy somewhat.

Spinel suddenly cheers. “Yay! Heehehehe.”

Steven starts tearing up, sniffling in front of her. He can’t believe he didn’t know this.

“Hey.”

What. 

“Don’t be sad.” 

Huh?

“Your new best friend—“ oh no, “your new best friend, your new best friend Spinel is heeeere! Heeheehee!” she says as she squeezes him, smiling.

Steven flushes pink— and has an outburst, pushing her off— so hard she flies off the bed and lets out a cry. 

Steven crawls to the edge of the bed to see her and gasps. “Oh, sweetie,  I’m so sorry—“

“See! The same exact tantrums, the same exact pink skin, the same pink hair—“ Steven gasps and touches his head— “Gosh, you really are pinkie!” she stands up to hug him. “Oh, I just missed you so-so much— _Pink_!” she nuzzles his cheek again as if he did nothing to her, ready for a new playdate with her Diamond.

Steven groans. 

He has to show her the palanquin. 

*** 

Steven and Spinel decide to go out for lunch before meeting their group at the bus stop, taking them to their destination. Steven loads up a travel app on their phone and searches up a restaurant to eat in.

As they walk through the bustling, modern, and clean streets of Seoul, Steven finds himself constantly encountering posters, billboards, and projections of two K-Pop idols— a duo— one girl dressed in pink, projecting a cutesy persona, and another one dressed in black, representing a punk. Both pop stars.

He... couldn’t help but feel that these idols reminded him of Heart and Spade. He tries to read their names, but they’re in hangul, the Korean alphabet, so he can’t read it. 

They walk into the restaurant and sit beside eachother, Steven trying to shrug off his agonizing conversation with Spinel. Did his mother really abuse her so bad, she saw what she was doing as normal? 

It’s so sad, because she could never ever question her purpose. All she ever knew is that she lived to be Pink Diamond’s playmate, and that it was her duty to make her happy. That was it.

The waiter hands them an English menu, and Spinel can’t help but seem disappointed. He looks at the dishes, picks out vegetarian dumplings, noodles, bibimbap and the like for them, and wait for their order to arrive. Spinel just looks at her Diamond happily. 

Like she’s programmed to do.

Steven sighs. 

Has their relationship been reset? 

Are they really living on a loop?

Spade is his enemy again— he’s Spinel’s playmate, or “master,” again— Clover’s gone as if she never existed— everything’s going wrong— and so he just starts tearing up, upset and frustrated with himself and everything going on. 

Spinel leans up to kiss his cheek— drying his tears away, cupping his cheek. She fondles his hair as he notices him breathing heavily, and he starts to calm down, breathing slower. 

Spinel whispers in his ear. 

“I love you very, very, very much, my Diamond,” she says. 

Exactly like she was robotically programmed to do. 

Steven just... breaks down crying at the sound of that, wiping the tears off his face as they trail along his cheeks. Spinel looks at him in confusion.

He hadn’t cried in weeks. He was trying to be strong for her, despite all they went through— but as he finds her reverting back to her submissive jester self at the sight of him embracing his Diamond self— his skin bursting Pink more frequently— his hair growing into his mother’s— he wonders— is he losing her?

Is he losing himself?

Steven simply leans his elbow on the table, covering his mouth and cheek with his large hand, holding back tears, lost in thought. Spinel continues to wipe his tears away with her finger, unsure what’s going on, trying to fulfill her duty.

Their food finally arrives— and Steven sniffles as his tears dry and they eat together. A fusion of bubblegum-pop and heavy metal play from the speakers, and Spinel’s jamming out, bopping her head.

He... finds himself chuckling a bit to see Spinel enjoy the food and the music so much. “Mm— bibimbap!”

Steven freezes. 

He... didn’t tell her what he ordered. “How... did you know that—?”

“Huh?” she says as she brings a fried egg to her mouth. 

“How did you know that was bibimbap—“ 

“Um, I just do, hah? I dunno!” she read it on the Korean menu outside. 

Steven points at the table beside them. He... wants to test something out. Where did she learn that. 

“Spinel— what’s that—“ 

“Kimchi,” she says immediately. 

He points at another dish. “And that—“

“Samgyeopsal,” she says with a perfect Korean accent. 

“A-And that,” he says intently, trying to piece this new puzzle together. 

“Chimaek,” she replies, but he keeps pointing, and she follows. “Tteokbokki. Gopchang. Samgyetang. Jjambbong,” she says immediately, nailing all of them. 

Steven pauses, panting. 

“Spinel. How do you know all this.”

“You don’t, my Diamond? It said it on the menu at the entrance with pictures. You were supposed to—“ 

“Spinel, that menu was in Korean. I can’t read Korean. What do you mean I was supp—“

But the waiter interrupts them as he brings the check. 

They conclude, Steven unable to understand how she could do all that, and they meet up with their group at the bus station. 

A tour guide is waiting for them, and Spinel bows for her traditionally, as they were in the Lunar New Year season. 

Steven freezes.

How did she know she had to bow, and how to do it. 

How did she know it was the Lunar season. He didn’t tell her that either. 

Steven needs a break from all this, so he seperates from the group as the tour guide introduces himself to Spinel. He watches them talk, probably in English. 

The bus arrives, and Steven walks back to the group and wraps his arm around Spinel, following the guide. She smiles at him, seeing he was Spinel’s boyfriend. 

“She’s very good.”

—Very good at what?! 

Steven and Spinel sit together on the bus, and they watch as they depart from the city to their destination. 

They sit beside eachother, and Steven blushes as Spinel sits on her knees and plants her hand on the window, amazed by the sights they see and the beautiful buildings. 

“This place sure did change a lot...” she mumbles. 

Steven looks up at her— what was that? But shakes his head. Probably nothing. 

He watches her look at everything in awe and— ugh, she’s just so— so cute! So he tugs her by the arm and instantly wraps his arms around her, pressing his chin over her head. She squirms as she holds him tight, trapping her. 

He then leans down and cups her by the chin— kissing her cheek. 

“I love you.”

She stays still, embarrassed to be held like this so intimately in public. 

He grips her chin tighter, cupping her face with both his hands, and makes her tilt her head up for him. He kisses her repeatedly, eyes furrowed in focus. “I love you,” he kisses her. “I love you,” he kisses her again. And over and over again. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.” 

Despite how crazy she’s been lately, he still loves her and makes time to show her affection. She deserves to be held in someone’s arms... after so long bubbled.

After so long in the garden. 

After an hour— most of it taken up by cuddling, smooching, leaning their heads against each other’s shoulders, rubbing their legs together, planting their hands on top of each other on the seat— Steven makes conversation with her. 

“How’re you liking Korea?” 

“Korea? I thought we were in Han-guk now,” she replies. 

Steven gestures at the tour guide seated behind them, confused. “What’s Han-guk?”

“Oh! That’s what we call Korea in our language,” she replies. 

Steven turns back and looks at the bus floor, confused. Panting anxiously behind gritted teeth. 

Why did Spinel say it that way. How did she know to say it that way, in their language. 

...Can Spinel speak Korean?

But before he can confront her about it, they finally arrive. 

They step off the bus together, as Steven and Spinel were the only ones going to that destination. 

Spinel bows— “Gamsahabnida!” and Steven jolts, looking down at her speak and pick up Korean words so effortlessly. 

Gee, she picked that up fast. 

They start walking, phone with GPS app in Steven’s hand. They see a mountain in the distance. 

“This is it.”

“You sure this is the place?”

“Yeah. It’s hard to explain, but I can feel it.”

“Huh. It sure is pretty here!” she adds. 

Spinel finds herself surrounded by pink hibiscus flowers— ones so familiar to her— and feelings start flooding back to her.

Why did Steven bring her here. 

“Does any of this seem familiar to you?” she asks, trying to hold back tears. Why was she crying? 

Steven finally stops at the gate, and turns his head to face her, glaring. 

“I should be asking you, that, Spinel.” 

***

“Huh?” she presses her fingers together shyly. 

Steven points at the sign in Korean. “What does that say, Spinel.” 

Spinel looks down at her feet shyly, twisting one of them. “Mmn.”

“I know you can read it, Spinel. What does it say,” he tells her sternly. 

Spinel gives in and looks up, reading it aloud for him. “Danger: Unknown Structure Sited. Proceed with caution.” 

Steven shuts his eyes and tchs. He knew it. She can speak Korean. 

“Why didn’t tell me you could speak Korean, Spinel,” he says as he breaks open the gate, walking in front of her.

“I didn’t realize we were here,” she mumbles as she follows.

“Have you been here before.”

“No. But I was supposed to. I’ve seen this place through the screens.”

What screens.

“What do you mean. This was the site of Pink’s first colony on Earth. And here’s where she planned and executed her shattering. What do you have to do with this place.”

“I was supposed ta’ accompany her ta’ Earth as her pacifier ‘cause she was gonna be so stressed running the colony. I was meant ta’ live here, and...”

“And learn Korean,” he cuts, piecing the puzzle together. She was supposed to be here with Pink, yet she was abandoned in the garden— but she learned Korean beforehand. 

Spinel nods. 

Steven sighs as they reach Pink Diamond’s palanquin, one of her lost treasures. Destroyed and untouched, just like last time. 

Spinel quietly nears it, and she gasps, bringing her hands to her face. “Oh my gosh.”

Steven looks down at her. Huh? 

But Spinel rushes in, going into the palanquin— “H-Hey, wait!” he yells, following her. 

Spinel gazes up at the ceiling of the palanquin in awe, and Steven opens the curtain behind her. Had she been in here before?

Fancy.

She then rushes to the throne and sits on it, swinging her legs up and down childishly. “This was our palanquin!” 

“Huh?”

“A special place, just for Pink and I,” she murmurs as she nuzzles her cheek against the seat, only to rub the handles, humming sweetly at the memory of Pink here.

“You’ve been here?”

“This was hers. I rode here with her all the time on Homeworld! I can’t believe it’s here! I thought it was a lost treasha, lost foreva!” she smiles. “I’d go to all her parades, her ceremonies, and her speeches on this thingy... don’t you remember, Pink?” she says, looking up at Steven, hoping he does.

Steven stares at Spinel. “No, Spinel, I don’t,” he says seriously. Spinel flinches. 

“B-But! We’ve been here before!” she stands up, and tugs at his jacket, dragging him to the throne to sit. “M-Maybe if you sit here instead, you’ll remember! Try it! The last piece of the puzzle— you on the throne!”

And so Steven does sit, and Spinel steps back. She puts her hands in the form of a picture frame, and shuts an eye to focus. 

_Maybe it’s like a puzzle._

“Mmm— straighten your back,” she commands, and so Steven does. “Put your elbow on the handle. Lean to the side. Cross your legs... there!”

Steven’s seated exactly as Pink Diamond would. Just as Spinel remembers. 

“Any feelings flooding back, Pink?” she asks, swinging her leg. 

Steven shuts his eyes to focus. Trying to visualize himself as Pink Diamond on the palanquin. He hums, twitching his eyebrow— trying to think— and then groaning, as his head hurts— and he grips the throne handles tightly and— 

He sighs loudly, leaning his head down, giving up. 

“I don’t remember a thing, Spinel.”

“Try again?” she says as she puts her picture frame down, disappointed.

“No, Spinel. I told you. I was never here. I’m not Pink Diamond, I just inherited her gem, that’s it. I don’t remember ever being in here with you, or going to Korea six thousand years ago.”

Spinel can’t help but start tearing up, whimpering in front of Steven. She brings her fists to her lips, trying to calm herself as she’s shaking.

“Ah,” Steven opens his arms as he sees her crying, “C’mere.” 

Spinel crawls into Steven’s arms, leaning against his chest as he embraces her. He rubs the back of her head. “There, there...” he tells her to make himself laugh. Aw, another poor, lost soul who just realized Steven’s not Pink Diamond. Tragic. 

Spinel nuzzles her lips against his shoulder, looking at the throne in disappointment.

“So you’re not Pink Diamond.” 

He shakes his head no, and brings her up to sit on his lap, wrapping her skinny legs around his waist. 

And sitting on it in shame.

“I’m... sawry,” Spinel mumbles against his shoulder. Steven embraces her, giving her a hug. He kisses her harshly on the cheek— making her squeamish— and then he cups her cheeks with both hands and kisses her lips again and again, repeatedly, making loud lip-smacking each time he parts. 

“I love you,” he whispers as he removes hair stuck to her face, his touch instantly comforting her.

Spinel sighs and leans against his chest, purring into him. She breaks the silence after a moment. She rubs herself on his body and presses her hands on him, crying behind gritted teeth.

“Hah. That’s how I know you’re not Pink Diamond.”

He stops rubbing her hair. “Hm?”

Spinel sighs and shuts her eyes. She chuckles lifelessly at the thought.

“Pink stopped tellin’ me she loved me a long time ago.”

**

“Spinel... come on. We’ve got to, before we leave. It’s the perfect spot,” Steven whispers in his seat, kissing her as she’s seated on his lap. “We’ll finally put it to good use,” he chuckles.

Spinel whines, clinging to him. “Nooo. Not here, it’s special.”

“Please... we can make it different. We can create new memories in this palanquin, just you and me. We can make it right, and forget my horrible mother for good.”

“But... what about Pink. Is that all you needed her for? For us to sit on her throne to see if we could jog her memories? Prove you’re not her?”

“Spinel, she’s gone now. It doesn’t matter. Come on. It’ll be even more special. I’ll make you feel special.”

“You know this is crazy, right?” she mumbles. 

Steven nods. “I know. Isn’t it exciting?”

And so he cups her cheeks and they shut their eyes, kissing eachother on Pink Diamond’s expensive throne. 

Scandalous, no? 

Spinel whines as Steven dips into her and bites her lip— but he simply cups her face at a different angle then as they tilt their faces, tasting each other as their tongues press against eachother. Steven deepens the kiss, gazing at her, as she squirms, hands  pressed on his chest for support. 

As they make out, Steven rubs his thumb on her cheek to comfort her as his kisses intensify. He finds himself breathing rapidly as he starts to get horny with her on his lap like this, so he fidgets in his seat and prompts her to lift herself—he remains perfectly sunctioned against her lips to extend the makeout section. 

Steven shimmies down her panties and she gasps at the cool air on her crotch— Steven flimsily unbottons his jeans and lifts his ass up to hike them down, exposing his underwear— and his blooming erection.

“Steven...” Spinel whines as she can’t even face it— or him. Steven just prompts her to sit on his crotch so she gets a feel for it. 

Spinel plants her arms on his shoulders as Steven looks up at her, admiring her as he holds her thin waist. He prompts her to lean against his chest for an embrace, rubbing his cheek on hers. 

“You know you’re special to me, right?” he says as he massages her back up and down to relax her. 

“Blue Diamond wasn’t kidding when she said you’re one of Pink’s lost treasures. We may be on an expensive palanquin, but you’re the most important treasure of all. At least to me.”

Spinel stays quiet so he talks, sighing against him as she leans on his shoulder now, hearing his heart beat and his chest expand. 

“I wish I had found you sooner. I wish I had known about the garden. I’m. I’m sorry,” he mutters, looking down at her back in shame. Why does she still hug him so dearly, knowing he was partially responsible for abandoning her as Pink Diamond’s predecessor. Why does she love him, when he choked her on impulse the other day for simply touching his gem without asking — he flinches at the memory and groans.

“Steven?” Spinel notices as he leans the top of his head against her chest. 

“I’m. I’m fine. Just. Got feelings flooding back to me. I’m sorry.”

“About what?”

“When I tried to kill you,” that was so embarrassing. 

“You did?” she squeaks.

Steven sighs. Of course she’d repress those memories. That’s what Spade’s for, after all. 

Thank you, Spade, for saving our relationship when you expressed before that you wanted to ruin it.

Steven’s erection calms down, so he just decides to cut this romantic rendezvous short this time for her, knowing she dislikes sex.

But he has to try. It’s the only way he knows how to express his love and appreciation for her, besides via song. 

Steven lifts them up and shimmies his underwear down to reveal his penis for her— as she’s lifted up he kisses her one last time, eyes closed for a moment, and lowers her down to his cock. 

“It’ll be short and sweet. Just how you like it.”

“I’m scared,” she confesses. 

“Don’t be. You’ve done it before.”

Spinel shakes her head. “No I haven’t. That was Spade and Clover. This is my first time.” 

Steven blushes knowing he’s taking her virginity— and her innocence— once again, for the third time now.

At least in this timeline.

Spinel whines as she enters him, losing her breath. Steven gazes up at her and rubs her cheek with his thumb. He whispers to her:

“Remember that I’ll always love you, okay? I want you to feel loved every single day. So loved, that you’ll forget you were every abandoned and forgotten at one point in your life. I want to erase all those horrible memories for you now.”

Spinel nods, and squirms as she’s secured in place. “T-Thank you.”

Steven then cups her ass and begins guiding her up and down his cock, so she can slide in and almost out of him to start lubricating her. “Mmn.” 

He continues, and he sighs into her cheek, leaning his chin on her shoulder, nuzzling against her. They go at a steady, rhythmic pace so she’s comfortable. Spinel simply leans on his soft cheek for comfort as she wraps her neck around him.

After a few gentle thrusts, he talks.

“You’re my lost treasure, you know that right?” he tells her. “Not this. Stupid palanquin we’re on.”

Spinel’s breath hikes as he thrusts a bit faster, as he’s unable to contain himself around her— low-key excited to be with her, but also desperate and frustrated to know she was lost because of his mother in the first place. “I’m so glad you came back to me, even though I’ve changed now,” he concludes, referring to the fact that he’s not Pink Diamond. 

He kisses her cheek warmly and shifts his body against hers, prompting her to bounce up and down— she just stays quiet, fanning his neck with her pants. Her chest pressed against his. He wants her to feel loved. “I’m gonna make it better, I promise.”

Steven continues steadily yet again, and Spinel’s breath shortens with every thrust. They playfully bounce against eachother, and Steven presses her cheek to kiss her repeatedly, showering her with love. 

He goes even faster— flustered at the sight of her on top of this so daintily and willingly— aroused by her fanning breaths and wet body against his— and goes deeper, forcing her to grunt loudly in repetition. “Mmn—mmn—“ she mumbles as her voice vibrates for him, turning him on more.

Steven begins panting into her— causing her to sweat— Spinel whines as he quickens the pace and thrusts rapidly, leaving her breathless— she groans loudly in a high-pitched voice, so femininely,  yet she takes so much pleasure in it anyway. She loves that he wants to treat her this way. Create new memories in the palanquin. Distract her from her vengeful thoughts.

Help her forget, she realizes. 

“I love you,” she finally confesses in his ear, her arms wrapped around his neck. “Mmn.”

Steven gasps. “You do?” he asks, and he can’t help but go incredibly fast now, excited and enamored at her long-awaited confession— adrenaline pulsing through him. 

Spinel is seen bouncing up and off him dramatically, her wet thighs slapping against his, intensifying the mood. She exhales— “Mhm. I love you— ah!— Steven.”

He goes faster so her voice vibrates and she pants louder as she tells him that— she shuts her eyes in submission, fully embracing their love for one another— “I love you,” she squeaks as they rock— and he simply grips her ass tighter so she rocks with extreme momentum— and her voice cracks as her breath hikes— “I love you,” she begins as she bounces each  time, “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you,” she whines as she shuts her eyes, gripping him tight. Steven can’t help but smile.

”I love you, I love you, I love you.”

He goes at a steady pace again so she can enjoy herself— and she finally moans as liquid gushes in her, sighing. He goes at this numerous times, slowing down— Spinel surprisingly mumbling— “oh, fuck,” as she buries her head in him again, and he picks it up again, as fast as he can with her, and she whines louder, vibrating against him.

And then she starts cursing in Korean.

And Steven just looks up at the ceiling and rolls his eyes,  and chuckles as she leans against his shoulder, complaining.

_Ssi-bal, Ssi-bal, Ssi-bal,_ she whines, turning him on despite the language barrier. He wonders if the alters know Korean, too, or if she’s the only one since because she’s the one who had to learn it as Pink’s playmate on Earth.

He keeps at this until Spinel’s filled to the brim— and he pounds into her one last time until she comes into him, ejaculating swiftly and fully. She cries— her forehead pressed against his chest— and she flops onto him, panting heavily. 

He glides his arms up her back and leans back on the chair, embracing her tightly. She shuts her eyes, as she finally feels special now.

_I feel loved, I feel so special._

Steven looks down at her and pecks the top of her head. Spinel finally looks up at him and smiles. 

“Saranghae.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/tSdkcTvs-ds
> 
> KOREAN SPINEL!  
> i actually like this voice more than sarahs, because she sounds so feminine and childish.


	73. Nowhere Planet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROOFD, enjoy

“That meant I love you in Korean,” Spinel says as she swings Steven’s hand as they’re walking out of the palanquin. 

“Figured as much,” he tells her, holding her tight, guiding her off the wreckage safely. 

He’ll never let her go again. 

Steven and Spinel take a romantic promenade around the field— like Heart had originally wanted to when she first appeared— and they come across bushes of pink hibiscuses under the blue sky, Korea’s national flower. 

Steven plucks one off the bush, only to quickly lick it so it regrows. He squats down and puts the flower behind Spinel’s ear, so she has a new style while on vacation.

Spinel then plucks another one and looks down on it, twirling it and admiring its pretty color.

Pink. 

Steven gazes at her with parted eyes, taking her flower from her hand, and slowly leans closer to gently kiss her, tilting his head to the side, fanning her.

Their lips lightly smack against eachother, only for Steven to lean in and kiss her again. He gently cups her cheek for a light makeout session— in the most romantic place possible. 

He really outdid himself. 

This would be a lovely place to propose to her, wouldn’t it, he thinks as he admires the greenery and the overgrown vines surrounding the palanquin.

This is more romantic than the picnic on the beach where he proposed t—

Steven winces and shuts his eyes behind gritted teeth.

Why was Steven suddenly thinking about marrying Spinel?

He just broke up with Connie and just solidified his new relationship with Spinel. What’s the rush? 

Is it because he thinks marriage will get his life back together. 

Is it because he thinks marriage will solve all his problems. 

Is it because he thinks marriage will cure his depression. 

Yet, why does Steven’s depression automatically disappear for a moment when he’s with Spinel like this? Holding her with her petite body so delicately, and planting soft, tiny, gentle, sweet kisses on her lips— thankful for spending the day with him.

And being so strong for him at the sight of his mother’s palanquin, representing her power and control over the planet Earth, a nowhere planet, as its dictator.

She’s so strong. 

All three of them are strong— Heart, Spade, and Clover. 

And he can’t help but get giddy at the fact that he’s their Diamond, completing their little puzzle. 

Completing their family. 

Would Spinel like that? For Steven to be a part of her family?

He blushes at the thought.

He plants one last kiss on her lip before gazing at her, cupping both her cheeks. 

“I love you so much.”

“I knooow, Steven. You’ve said this like, a bajillion times,” she squeaks. 

He loves how youthful she is now. 

Clover’s so levelheaded and mature, and Spade’s, well, Spade.

He likes to feel like the protector. The older one. He needs to, after all, after losing everything. 

Yet here she stayed. 

Steven leans his forehead against hers and nuzzles her nose. “You’re my new mission, you know that right?” Spinel hesitantly nods. “I can’t wait to be there for you fully, finally. Without distractions,” referring to Connie, the gems, and Homeschool, who were all interfering with their relationship. He parts with her and removes the hair on her face, tearing up a little to finally see her so happy by the flowers— they both bend down on their knees on the grass together in the middle of the field, flowers in hand. 

He grazes his cheek against hers, wetting her cheek with his flowing tears.

Steven chokes up a bit, startling Spinel.

“What have you done to me,” he murmurs beside her ear, holding her hand— their flowers touching eachother, flowing lightly in the breeze. Together at last. 

“H-Hm?”

“You’re like... the world to me now. I can’t stop... thinking about you. You’re always on my mind,” he whispers. “All I care about is making you happy from now on, like you made my mom. All I care is being your best friend— a better friend than my mom was.”

Spinel just breathes lightly, fanning his face— enjoying the cool spring breeze that’s nearing Korea now.

Her favorite season. 

“You just make me so happy. Happier than I ever was with—“ he omits her name, as she doesn’t matter anymore. “Somehow. You make me feel so youthful, like a kid again, like when I first got my gem powers. But then you make me feel so mature, like a fully-realized Diamond, like I’m meant to be. And you make me feel like... more than a boyfriend.”

“More than a boyfriend?” 

He nods, still grazing her cheek— so, so close to her lips, breathing against her. “Mhm. I sometimes feel... like a big brother to you and Spade. But I’m also a best friend. But I’m also your enemy. And sometimes... and sometimes I feel like I’m your dad. Your guardian, like my mom was supposed to be for you but failed to. Like it’s my duty to protect and watch over you now.”

Spinel fidgets with his shirt, conflicted about all this. 

“And sometimes you’re so much like my mom, all three of you, that it makes me feel complete. Like my mother has always been watching over me— has always been with me— loving me, like you have. I also see you, specifically Clover, as a mother figure... and I feel you should know all this so you understand why I need you so much. I. I need you,” he finally admits to her.

He kisses her briefly. “You’re just so perfect. You complete every single piece of my puzzle. My family picture.”

“You’re my family, Spinel,” he concludes. 

**

Steven and Spinel are seen embracing eachother on the grass, cupping eachother’s cheeks as they make out, eyes fluttered closed. Moaning into eachother as their tongues swirl against eachother— panting as they seperate, only to kiss eachother again. 

In their special world.

Maybe Steven can try to set up a warp pad to this place. This can be their hiding place on this nowhere planet— like Pink and Spinel’s garden— and they can meet here in secret.

A prince and a princess meeting in a garden, just like Spinel’s storybook.

Steven caresses her hair and they part— staring warmly at eachother as they intertwine their legs, grazing against eachother affectionately. He interlaces their hands below them, unable to go a moment without her touch from now on, he realizes. 

Spinel leans against his chest and grips his shoulder, her arms against him. She looks at the bushes behind him as they breathe against eachother, relaxing themselves.

“Do you see? That we’re not all that’s left of Pink. There are artifacts and treasures of hers scattered across the Earth... each reflecting her memories, including memories of Rose Quartz.”

Spinel sighs as she now sees he is not his mother.

“...Which you don’t have,” Spinel mumbles as she fiddles with his shirt, a bit disappointed. Steven nods. 

“But we’re going to create so many new memories together. You’ll forget you were ever hurt at all, I promise you. I’ll make that change for you.”

They look down at eachother in silence. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you could speak Korean, Spinel,” he says after a pause.

“‘Cause I was ashamed.”

He clings onto her hand and rubs his leg on hers. “Ashamed of what, baby? It’s... such a pretty language for a, uh, a pretty girl,” he clears his throat. Spinel blushes at the compliment. 

“Because it reminds me of how I never actually went to Korea. Never actually went to Earth... this ‘nowhere planet’ with Pink.”

“But now you’re here with me. I can be your new Pink, here on Earth, in Korea. Doesn’t that mean something?” he rubs her hand with his thumb. 

“I just feel like... I’m Pink’s hand-me-down when you say it like that. Like she just threw me away and you were the only one kind enough to pick me up!” she laughs dryly, trembling. 

“Oh, sweetie, no. Don’t say that.” 

“It’s true. I’m not even new... I’m.

I’m used. I’m a used toy,” she murmurs as she presses her body and her palms against his chest. “I’m dirty. And worn. And torn down. And now I’m sick because of it.”

Steven lightly chuckles, admiring her.

“Can I tell you a secret, Spinel?” 

Spinel nods as Steven nears her ear to whisper to her.

“I’m a used toy, too.”

Oh.

Spinel starts tearing up. Of course he understands, he’s also a descendant of Pink Diamond. He’s her hand-me-down, too. 

That’s why he’s sick, too.

And so she embraces him— kissing his cheek for a moment, pressing onto him.

He must feel as worn down, used and unloved as she does. 

Forgotten.

“Spinel, that’s why I love you. Because you’re so strong, and you’ve been through so much. You have character. And I want to help you.”

“I know you pity us,” she grumbles. 

“That’s not the truth.”

“Oh but it is. I don’t see why you tolerate us, especially Spade. When she’s so violent and mean. A really-really big meanie. The opposite of you.”

That’s why he likes her. 

He’s her new enemy. 

“If I were you I would’ve ran away long time ago. You’re wasting your time.”

“Of course not. You’ll never be a waste of time.”

A waste of time is waiting in an empty garden for 6,000 years.

Steven rubs the back of her head, pressing his lips against her cheek. “I’m so excited to see the person— or persons— you’ll become. I want to guide you.”

“Mmn.”

“You really see the good in everythin’, don’t you? Even in rusty old toys like good ol’ Spinel here! A ragdoll that should’ve stayed abandoned. Shoulda been thrown away years ago! Yet here I am in my old owner’s arms— her son’s. On this... nowhere planet. And I don’t know why. —sigh— You’re just... so lovely, gosh.”

“No I’m not...”

“Oh, but you are,” she whispers airily, sending shivers down his spine with her feminine voice. “At least ta’ me! You’re so kind, even to strangers. You’re so supportive, even to your enemies. You’re so athletic, and smart, and-and handsome... I can just go on. Isn’t it remarkable, Steven?”

Steven flinches and completely freezes at the sound of that. That’s. That’s exactly what his mom told him in the video tape to him and Nora. 

Steven starts fidgeting with her shirt, shaking. She looks up at him in confusion.

“Kiki, what’s wrong?”

“Mmnn—“ he starts whimpering— “y-you’re just so much like h-her.”

“So much like who?” 

“M-Mom. And I don’t know why, because after everything she did to you, and to me, and to Pearl, and to Garnet, and to Amethyst, and to Bismuth, and to the Crystal Gems, I should hate her. But you remind me so much of her I forget that. She doesn’t... deserve my love. But you do.” 

“I don’t think I deserve your love either Steven after tryna kill ya. You’re too much of a softie, hehe. But I like softies,” she murmers, meeting his gaze. 

They simply breathe in front of eachother, staring. 

Steven looking at her long lashes. 

Spinel looking at his chocolate brown eyes. 

Steven looking at her rosy cheeks.

Spinel looking at his sun-kissed freckles.

Steven looking at her soft lips.

Spinel looking at his strong brows. 

They find themselves clinging to eachother, clasping their hands. 

Spinel bites her lip youthfully, and blinks up at him— Spinel’s eyes wander abruptly for a moment, only for her to lean up, and for Steven to meet her for a kiss. Smacking into eachother, rubbing their lips against eachother compassionately. So happy to together alone, in private, in such a beautiful place. 

They conclude with a sigh, rubbing their legs again.

Steven gazes down at her, smiling. Making her shy. 

“I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard,” Spinel rolls her eyes and jeers, mocking Spade— despite her squeaky voice— and they simply start wheezing, laughing together, embracing eachother in their arms. Steven cups her cheeks and gives her one last fat smooch— similar to the one he received from her at Homeworld— and lets go. “Mwah!”

“Steven— what is wrong with you!” she furrows her brows, pretending to be angry— but she fails miserably, looking cuter than ever.

“Oh, you know... the usual,” he bites his lip as he grazes her arm, and they have one final makeout session under the clouds.

*

“It’s five. The Lunar New Year Festival’s soon,” he says as he lifts their backs up. 

Spinel smiles at him— and then Steven adorably puts the pink hibiscus flower in his hair. He smiles for her— and Spinel looks up— and sees his pink roots— and her pink flower— and her pupils immediately dialate. 

Aaaaaaand that’s essentially what Pink looked like, when she’d do the same exact same thing with the same kind of flower— in the garden, of course. Who could forget about the garden? 

And of course, Spinel starts blinking rapidly, dissociating at the sight of her, as she starts hallucinating. The images of Steven and Pink blurring in and out of eachother, struggling to decide if they’re the same person or not— and she herself struggling to decide if she wants to kill them or love again. 

“Spinel? What’s wrong?”

But she’s stuck in time, blinking— groaning as she finds herself in a horrible migraine on the grass.

Steven sighs lifelessly as he sees she’s switching alters, and summons his shield knowing Spade won’t be happy to see him. When was she ever happy, really, he rolls his eyes. 

Spinel places her palms on the floor, staring down at the grass— her vision green that way there’s less of a sensory overload as she switches personalities. She’s panting heavily, and as much as Steven wants to help he has to prepare for Spade’s attack, so he backs away, seated. Waiting patiently as she whines aggressively, her high pitched voice turning raspier with each cry. 

She finds herself smacking herself violently— likely Spade beating up Heart— or Spade trying to hurt herself— but Steven just flinches his eyes shut, letting her have her tantrum. “UGH! UGH! AH!”

Until she finally she slaps herself as hard as she can— concluding her personality change. She bats her eyes open and starts groaning, rubbing her forehead. “Mmnnnn...”

“Hello, Spinel,” he greets her sternly. 

And Spade instantly tilts her head and growls— lunging at him— only for Steven to block her off with his shield. Nevertheless, this doesn’t phase her, as she claws at it aggressively— scratching it— only to pound on it multiple times with her fists. Steven just scoffs at her unnecessary outburst, ruining his moment with Heart. Sigh, they were having so much fun. 

“RAH! SHE TOLD YOU! THAT STUPID BROAD TOLD YOU! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TA’ FUCKING KNOW! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TA’ KNOW!”

“Know what, Spinel—“ he says monotonously, so tired of her shit. This is like, the seventh time she’s attacked him. When is she gonna give it up? He’s just gonna heal himself by the next day anyway. 

“KNOW I TRIED TO— I TRIED TA’ KILL MYSELF, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! GRRRRRR—“ she continues slamming the shield, only to jump up and start kicking it. “LOWER THE SHIELD AND FIGHT ME, YOU FUCKING COWARD. I KNOW YOU WANNA ATTACK ME— BETTER YET, JUST TRY IT!”

Steven rolls his eyes even more. He just stands up and holds the shield, which has now exponentially expanded to fully protect himself, and he just lets her tire herself out with her screams and her kicks. 

Nevertheless, she continues— exerting all her energy into this shield, as if it were a stress toy— 

For thirty minutes straight, as if she were training in a gym.

“RAGH! RAH!” she says as she punches it repeatedly— muttering insults towards Heart. “STUPID FUCKING BITCH CAN NEVER KEEP HER MOUTH SHUT! NEVER SHUTTING THE FUCK UP!!!!! I WISH SHE’D GO FUCKIN’ MUTE— AND JUST FUCKIN’ CAN IT ALREADY! AGH! RAH! I’M SO SICK OF HER!!!!!!”

Steven groans. He wishes she’d go mute, too. 

“SHE NEVER KNOWS WHEN TO SHUT UP— SHE JUST NEEDS ‘STEVIE’S’ ATTENTION SOOO BAD, DON’T SHE! DON’T SHE! WELL I DON’T! NOT THIS TIME— NOT! ABOUT! THIS!” she grunts as she finally breaks the shield— but in doing so she collapses to the ground, panting as she’s doused in sweat. 

Steven stands above her, watching her as she cackles to herself pathetically between pants. 

“Hahahahah. Hahahahah. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” she says as she suddenly lifts herself up and attacks Steven, digging her nails into Steven’s hands, clasping them tight. They struggle together, Spinel trying to pressure Steven into fighting her. 

“Sp-Spinel, I’m not going to fight you!”

“WHY NOT! OH, I KNOW WHY! BECAUSE I SHARE A BODY WITH YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRLFRIEND, AIN’T IT! AIN’T IT! YOU CAN’T STAND TA’ HURT HER PRETTY FACE AND DOE EYES, CAN YA!”

“That’s right, Spinel—“

Spinel scowls— “OH, YOU’RE SO PROTECTIVE OF YOUR REAL FRIENDS AND SO CARELESS WIT’ CHA FAKE ONES!” she says as she digs her nails into his cheeks, scratching him. 

Steven groans. They gotta stop repeating every memorable thing they say to eachother. 

Steven pushes her off— so hard he flings her back to the floor, rolling back to the front of the palanquin. Spinel swiftly lifts herself up and turns around— “FINE! IF YOU WON’T LET ME FIGHT YOU I’LL FIND ANOTHER OPPONENT! I’LL DESTROY SOMETHIN’ ELSE! I DON’T NEED YOU! I DON’T NEED FUCKIN’ NOBODY! I DON’T NEED NO FUCKIN’” — her teeth clench— “STEV’N UNIV’RSE!” she growls at the mention of his name, and gets to wrecking.

And so she begins kicking and punching the palanquin— trying to destroy it, but to no avail. It’s pure alien steel— the finest in the galaxy. 

“I’M SICK! AND TIRED! OF THIS FUCKIN’ NOWHERE PLANET! I WANNA GO HOME!” 

Another tantrum. 

Tsk, tsk, tsk. 

Steven simply crosses his arms and watches her from behind as she pathetically scratches the palanquin.

The one her alter treasured oh so much. Yet here she was, breaking it.

She breaks down. 

“I’M— I’M SPINEL TOO! I’M A PART OF SPINEL TOO!” 

_Familiar, she used to throw a tantrum._

_Insisting, hey, I’m a Diamond, too!_

Spinel starts stomping her foot repeatedly, heating up. 

“I WANT MY OWN BOYFRIEND! I WANT MY OWN HAPPINESS! I WANT MY OWN S-STEVEN! I’M JUST AS IMPORTANT AS HER!”

“THEN ACT LIKE IT, SPINEL,” he concludes, raising his voice. 

Spinel kicks at the feet of the palanquin, breaking it off, but in doing so she trips and falls back to the grass— only for Steven to grab her from behind, as if he were saving her in a trust fall. 

Spinel leaps off of him and shields herself with her arm. “Don’t. Fuckin’. Touch me.” 

Steven crosses his arms and glares down at her. Fine by me. 

They stay silent for a moment. 

Steven staring at Spinel in disappointment. 

Spinel... starts mumbling unintelligably. 

Steven simply raises his chin up, observing her. Scrutinizing her. Waiting for her next move, prepared for any vicious attack.

She’s too intense. 

He has to stop her.

What was he gonna do with her?

Suddenly, Spinel starts whimpering as tears stream down her chest, her lips quivering— her face covered as she looks down across from him. 

“P-Please f-f-fuckin’ t-touch m-me,” she finally mutters, begging. 

Oh, brother. 

Steven shuts his eyes and sighs, and loosens his grip. 

He nears her and gives her a distant hug, hovering on top of her— massaging her sweaty head. She buries herself in his stomach, crying. 

“You d-don’t like me anym-more, do you. You l-like— sniff— her now.” 

Yes. Yes he does. Especially after sleeping with her, finally. 

Especially seeing how mentally ill she is. How manipulative she is. How violent she is. How explosive she is. How much of a danger she is.

What was he thinking? Trying to fall in love with her over some stupid curse. Probably doesn’t mean anything. The pink hair doesn’t mean shit. He’ll grow into it. 

“I do.” 

“B-But what about me?” she looks up at him, cheeks scarred, covered in black tears. “Is that all you needed me for? Ta’ break ya curse?”

He never told them about the curse. “H-How did you know about that. Only the Crystal Gems knew.”

“Yew except me ta’ believe you want me lookin’ like THIS?” she points at her tear-faced scars— “WHY ELSE WOULD YOU FUCKIN’ SLEEP WIT’ ME. I’M THE SOURCE OF ALL YOUR PROBLEMS. YOU THINK WE’RE ALL SOOO STUPID, DON’T CHA PINK,” she clenches her teeth, glaring up at him. 

“Not ta’ mention I can tell your hair’s turnin’ pink— I see you got a new style— and a few new toys—“ she points at herself, referring to how he’s slept with all three of them now, tossing them around like a ragdoll— “You’re finally embracin’ your Diamond heritage not only by lookin’ like her, but by actin’ like her, too! Usin’ us, exploitin’ us, abusin’ us, for your own personal gain. Now— isn’t that just— _swell!_ ” she concludes sarcastically. 

Steven hugs himself, ashamed. He can’t believe she’s telling him that. Is he really so much like his mother?

“I’m, I’m not abusing you—“ 

“Pffffff, oh, that’s rich. I see how you control Heart and Clover, you wanna feel so powerful now that you’re so WEAK without your savior of tha’ galaxy title on this nowhere planet.”

There’s a silence.

“It was tha’ rose Clova’ gave ya, wasn’t it,” she mutters, clenching her fists. 

Steven averts her gaze. She jabs at him with a finger, forcing an answer out of him. “WASN’T IT.”

Steven groans and finally confesses. “Yes.”

“Fuckin’ knew it,” she shoves him, pushing him back and making him nearly trip. She makes her way back to the bus stop, scowling, waiting to finally be picked up. 

“Get me off this fuckin’ nowhere country.”


	74. Feeling The Cheer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel return to their hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy. PROOFD

Spade was on the seat of the bus staring out the window, her body rocking with the moving vehicle as she watched the sun set. She sat with her knees folded, her arms wrapped around her for comfort.

She looked so sad. 

They were supposed to be on vacation— why can’t she feel the cheer?

And Steven... actually felt bad for her for a moment, only to remember what a total brat she is. He scowls, gritting his teeth at the sight of her all mopey, as if it’ll fool him or soften him up. She can’t guilt-trip him anymore. 

He starts... getting all these vengeful thoughts about her. Oh, how he wishes he could just slam her cheek against the window and drag her face so she burns herself against the plastic glass— how he wishes he could just pin her there the entire ride home, insult her, scrutinize her, give her a piece of his mind. She really thinks this is a game, huh? That his feelings for Heart are just pretend? She thinks she’s in control— well— he’ll show her what he’s made of— he won’t let her underestimate him anymore.

He’s the one with the Diamond, after all.

He trembles as he reaches his hand to cup her face and squeeze it til’ it bruises— push her against the wall— press her down and remind her who’s boss— tug her hair until she cries— hike her skirt up and dig his nails into her thighs— show her he’s the one with control— break her, fuck her against the wall until her legs go limp— raw her until she whimpers and begs for him to stop, forcing an apology out of her for all her bad behavior— discipline her—

Steven finds himself blushing red, panting heavily as he feels an erection coming up. Fuck. He retracts his arm and covers his face, muttering unintelligably. Why is he sweating so much? 

Why was he having all these perversive fantasies about Spade? 

And such violent and abusive ones, too?

_Why do you always do this, Pink?_

It seems that Pink Diamond’s original urges have now evolved to fit Steven’s needs and feelings towards Spinel, becoming sexualized vengeful thoughts now. 

Great. He was certainly feeling the cheer, fantasizing about abusing Spinel like this.

As his hair turns pinker he starts to get worried. This transformation can’t be affecting his personality too, right?

Spinel hears him mumble and looks at him, and Steven hides himself, embarrassed of his thoughts about her— only for the tour guide to peek behind them and talk to Spinel in Korean, but she doesn’t understand it now, as Heart wasn’t fronting. She just looks at Steven in confusion. _Do I know her?_

Steven turns around and apologizes to her, telling her she’s not feeling well or something, and goes back to sit with her. Spinel just goes back to leaning against the wall, looking down. Ashamed of her actions today.

_Why do you always do this, Pink?_

After a few moments of Steven staring at Spinel without her noticing, trying to make sense of all her mood swings, she finally talks, leaning her elbow on the handle and cupping her chin in thought.

“I know you want me outta tha’ pichsa.”

“No I don’t, Spinel. I wanna make this work.”

“No, you want ta’ make your relationship with Heart work, so ya either need ta’ pacify me, or get me outta the pichsa. And neither a those are happenin’ anytime soon.”

Steven sighs. “Can’t Heart help you? That’s her talent, calming people down and making them smile. Why can’t you try to form a relationship with her? She’s your sister.”

Spinel grows cold. “Tch. Not afta’ what she did ta’ me in tha’ garden.”

“No, Spinel, it’s what Pink Diamond did to you two. You’re in this together.”

“Same shit. Who gives a fuck.” 

Steven slides down his seat and shuts his eyes, clenching his nose with his fingers in frustration. He can’t stand her shitfaced attitude anymore. How long was this gonna go on for? How was he gonna make them talk to each other and sort things out face-to-face when they share a body? Clover won’t come back until they resolve their petty conflicts. 

Spinel mellows out and talks again. “We were there for six thousand years because a her. She was in control a the body. I told her ta’ move an’ get ta’ the warp pad, but she fuckin’ froze. It’s her fuckin’ fault.”

“Spinel, everyone responds to stress and trauma differently— don’t be so hard on yourse—“ he flinches—“her. Don’t be so hard on her,” he clears his throat, trying to respect her condition. 

“You shoulda’ rejuvinated us when you had tha’ chance so you all coulda’ lived happily eva’ afta’ together wit’cha dumb fuckin’ playmate. God knows ya wanted ta’, since ya like the old me so fuckin’ much,” she mutters. 

“Spinel, I told you, that’s not the truth.”

“But wouldn’t it be so much better though.” 

Steven sighs. Yes, it would. But he’s determined to make things work. He has to help. That’s what he’s there for. 

There’s a silence, and the two just listen to the bus rock on the road. 

“You know I don’t hate you, right,” he tells her.

“You’re fuckin’ lyin’,” she scowls. 

“I’m not. You’re... sort of doing me a favor here.”

“How,” she says as she sits back normally on the seat, averting his gaze. 

He leans in closer to whisper in her neck— causing her to tense up.

“I’m the savior of the galaxy, remember?” he murmurs, nearly brushing his cheek against hers.

Spinel nearly swoons at the sound of that— oh, he really was her savior— I mean, uh— savior of the galaxy, that is. 

Spinel seperates herself from him and curls herself back into a ball, muttering. “So ya just want anotha’ challenge now that you’re bored, don’t cha. That’s it. I’m just anotha’ one a ya brand new toys, ain’t it.”

Steven was gonna continue flirting with her, but he resists, remembering everything that just happened. 

He just finds her hot, okay? 

“No... I just like the way you challenge me. And I know you do, too. You’re bored too, and I can tell. Ever since we stopped your injector, you haven’t had a purpose either.” 

_ Wish I could stop your fuckin’ injector so ya get your fuckin’ dick off her fuckin’ cunt _ _,_ she mutters.

“What was that?” 

“Shut the fuck up.”

_Oh, she was certainly feeling the cheer._

Steven sighs and buries himself back in the seat again. She’s not gonna be easy to live with. But he has to try.

He stretches for a moment, arching his back. Spinel remains unfazed.

“Maybe we were rushing into things too quickly,” he finally admits. 

“Huh.”

“Our relationship. We got too romantic, and too —cough— sexual a bit too fast. Maybe we can try again as... friends?”

Spinel just blinks up at him, scowling.

“Uh, how ‘bout ‘quaintances,” she replies in a thick accent. 

“Deal.”

Spinel mimics a faux-posh accent and bows from her seat. “A pleasha’ to meet you again.” 

Steven giggles— and she looks away, seeing she’s made him laugh. She pouts. “—cough— hm. Yeah.”

It was cute. 

Steven and Spinel finally arrive at the hotel after being dropped off at the bus stop together. As Steven signs them in and takes her up the elevator, he coolly leans against the wall, furrowing his brow in thought.

Spinel gulps and stays frozen in place, admiring him. Noting how he’s outgrowing his jacket, and how it’s contoured by his musculature. She looks at his arms as they’re crossed, and his back is slightly bent down. Has he been working out? 

She sees how his roots are pastel pink, and notices him constantly try to cover it somehow, flipping on his hoodie or something to try to hide it. He pouts, distracted with his thoughts, tapping his foot anxiously.

She just stares at him.

Steven looks up after a minute, and Spinel flinches. 

“Did... I not press the button?” he mumbles, blinking adorably as he stopped spacing out.

Spinel looks at the control panel and shakes her head no. She reaches out to press it— but their hands meet. 

Spinel immediately retracts it— but Steven presses the button anyway, a bit impatient. 

He didn’t really feel anything. Even though she and Heart were the same person, their touches were so different, somehow. 

They both step out the elevator and walk down the hallway, Spinel waiting for Steven by the door. He leans against it for a moment, towering over her.

“Spinel...”

Spinel pauses, tense to see him so close to her. 

“Mmn?”

“I... I want you to forget what you did today. How you attacked me like that,” he mumbles.

“Why. I thought you’d be mad.”

“I am, but. If we want to make this work, we have to put the past behind us. Start over again. Become new friends. We can’t keep... dwelling on past mistakes and arguments. We have to make things right from now on, and move forward.”

Spinel stays silent for a moment and gets tense over his suggestion. “Why are you givin’ me anotha’ chance. Afta’ you’ve given me so many.”

“Well, you gave me a second chance, too right?” he replies.

“Huh.”

“I’m Pink Diamond’s son. You have no reason to give me another chance, especially not after what she did to you, yet here we are anyway.”

“Yeah... but cha’ ain’t her, buddy.”

“But I was hers.”

_And so were you,_ he wants to tell her, as they’re in this together, but he keeps that to himself as not to put even more pressure on her. The palanquin today was enough, he thinks.

Spinel looks down, conflicted. Steven opens the door and lets her inside the hotel room.

“I’m gonna take a shower so we can go to the festival. It’ll be fun. They’ll have fireworks at the end.”

“Okay,” Spinel responds as she lets him take his clothes and leave. The sun had already set, and citizens of Seoul were all gathering to their local temples to celebrate the new year.

Spinel stands up and looks at the desk to see all the travel brochures and magazines Steven was reading. She finds a notepad with writing on it, and sees that Steven had written an itinerary for their trip, even if they were only here for four days or so. He had to get back to Beach City and help out at the Homeschool, as they were short on staff. 

He... meticulously planned everything.Where they were going, at what time, what they were gonna do, and where they were gonna eat. But here she was, ruining everything for them with her violent outbursts— no, ruining everything for him and Heart. She was his girlfriend after all, not her. 

But as she was skimming his notes, he couldn’t help but notice that his handwriting was different from the ones from his letters to the palace he sent her. 

But she shakes her head— as he probably just has two different handwritings, one in cursive and another in manuscript. 

She has different handwritings, too— the alters all write differently— but she never really gets to write much.

Maybe she can deliver a love letter to Steven someday, she sighs.

Or maybe she can start a diary, maybe that’ll help her sort her mind and vent out her feelings in a healthy way. 

That’d be nice. 

Steven had wrapped up his shower and opens the door, and as per usual, she blushes intently at the sight of his bare chest and shoulders dripping with water, his hips hugged by a fluffy white towel. She looks away, panicking, and gives him privacy to change by entering the shower herself. 

She bathes herself, finally relaxing after the stressful day— but as she recalls his naked body— his hand touching hers— his flirtations in the bus— their eyes meeting— the scent of him in the shower— she starts dissociating, as Heart wants to be with him again after recalling all these romantic moments. 

But she concludes her shower anyway— and magically summons her clothes, to open the bathroom door and see Steven lying on the bed, reading a magazine. 

She officially switches alters at the sight of him, and gasps and greets him with an airy, high-pitched voice, totally abandoning her Spade identity for the night.

“Ohmigosh, hi Steven!” she says as she hops on the bed to face him. 

“Uh, hi?” he says, confused. 

“Hiiii! Hiya, it’s me, Heart! I’m back! Did you miss me? ‘Cause I sure missed you! I’m so so so sorry I couldn’t stop Spade, she was just so angry this time, I couldn’t do anything! And I’m sooo sorry she attacked you like such a big meanie, she’s so funny like that right?” she rambles, hiking her legs up and down playfully.

“But deep down I know she just wants to play! I know it! But that’s okay, because I’m here now! And everything’s gonna be okay! But I had so much fun with you today anyway, did you have fun?! ‘Cause I sure did, hehehe! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I forgot to say this, but I love you so so so much! Like, soooo much, you have like, no idea! Do you love me?” she smiles, squeezing him tight— he chuckles a bit awkwardly, wondering what triggered her to come back. 

Nevertheless, he was certainly feeling the cheer radiating from her peppy, youthful self right now. 

He wishes Spade were more like this.

Steven can’t help but warm up to her however, relieved that Spade is gone. He hugs her back, petting the back of her head and nuzzling against her cheek. 

“Are you ready to head out, princess?” 

Spinel nods, and holds his hand as they walk out as a couple.

**

Steven and Spinel find themselves at a nearby festival, with a shrine in the center— the streets are illuminated with red paper lanterns, representing good fortune, and they both hold hands as they pace down the street, enjoying the festivities. 

Spinel notices that all of the women are wearing a traditional dress, the hanbok— it has puffed sleeves with colorful stripes, a vest with a sash, and a long, puffy dress. Spinel pauses for a moment to think what she’d want hers to look like— and she then shapeshifts into it, twirling around to admire herself. 

It’s a white hanbok with multicolored stripes on white sleeves— yellow, pink, and blue, representing the Diamonds. Steven blushes to see her in such a pretty dress, and guides her to the nearest food stand to try the local cuisine. 

Together they try all sorts of street food, with Spinel eating all the ones with meat— rice cakes, skewers, steamed buns, fish-shaped croissants, and more. After they finish eating, they wait in line for some bubble tea, a popular drink in Asia that contains little jelly bubbles to chew on. As Spinel drinks it as they walk, they play this little game where she passes the bubbles to Steven by kissing him— it was gross, but they’re so comfortable with each other at this point, they did it anyway to pass the time. 

Steven and Spinel then find themselves at the nearest temple, seeing the locals pray to their ancestors. Steven holds Spinel’s hand and smiles at her, gesturing her to come with. 

Together they bend down traditionally and give thanks to their shared ancestor, Pink Diamond, who “passed away” in Korea, as they had seen after witnessing the destroyed palanquin where she was shattered— one that had remained in tact for thousands of years. They conclude, and stare at each other lovingly, proud for how far they’ve come as Pink Diamond’s descendants.

Steven holds Spinel by the waist, and they sit down on a bench together, grazing their legs together as they admire the scenery— watching children play tag, and seeing the elderly taking nightly strolls. Couples taking selfies. Families enjoying themselves. 

Steven wishes he could have a family someday. He supposes Heart and Spade will have to do, for now. 

Steven notices an electronic sign with the same idols from before .

The peppy one dressed in pink was doing a heart symbol with both her hands, winking with a smile, while the one dressed in black was doing a rock-on symbol while smirking.

It seems they were extremely popular in Korea, as Steven had been seeing posters, signs, and merchandise of them everywhere.

Steven and Spinel even heard their music in the restaurant— a combination of bubblegum pop and heavy metal, much like Heart and Spade were. 

Steven points at the sign, and he gestures for Spinel to follow to look at it.

Spinel stares in awe, amazed by their harajuku-esque fashion style and their beautiful porcelain faces. Steven asks her to translate their names, which were written in hangul. 

“Their names are... Hana and Yuna, I think! They’re a new idol duo in Korea.”

“Hana... and Yuna?”

“Mhm!” she nods. “From what I’ve learned, Hana means ‘one’ in Korean, and Yuna is the Korean word for moon! Isn’t that lovely?” 

Steven shakes Spinel with urgency— “Spinel! That’s it! Those are your names!”

“Huh?” 

“Hana and Yuna— that’s, that’s brilliant! You can be Hana, and Spade can be Yuna now! You can have normal, human names from now on while you’re on Earth!” 

“R-Really? We can do that?”

“Of course! Spinel and I just called you Heart and Spade because your gems reflected that, b-but those names are so impersonal— I was trying to figure out a new nickname for you two, and I think Hana and Yuna are perfect for you! Do you like it?” he nudges her.

Spinel brings her hand to her cheeks. She has a name now? 

“I love it!” she smiles with her eyes, clinging onto him. “It’ll be like a memory to our trip to Korea, and a memory of Pink Diamond, who passed away here.”

“Yeah, that’s right. That’s right,” he sighs.

“I just hope Yuna likes it, too,” she says as she holds his hand for one final stroll around the festival grounds. 

“Of course she will, Hana,” and Hana blushes at the sound of her new name. She admits it sure was pretty... and of course, she loved how Steven would say it, with his romantic voice. 

Steven gasps as he remembers she had something in his pocket— and pulls out a box of sparklers. He lights the match and gives the lit wand to her, so she can wave it around. Hana _oohs_ as the lights flicker and explode in her hand, illuminating her face. She giggles and waves it around in the dark, performing for Steven. He squats on his knees and watches, feeling the cheer as she amuses herself. 

As the sparkler dies out, Spinel nears Steven and embraces him, and he wraps his arms around her, holding her close, brushing her cheek with his.

“I love you, Hana,” he whispers behind closed eyes.

“And I love you too, Kiki.”

Steven had no idea where that new nickname for him came from— he swears he had heard it before, once upon a dream— but he doesn’t want to ruin the moment, so he sighs and closes his eyes to savor it.

The festival concludes as fireworks launch in the night sky, coloring the sky in a variety of colors and designs, ending their magical night in Korea together, feeling the cheer together of the Lunar New Year at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so heart and spade have real names now! why hana and yuna?
> 
> • i wanted to connect spinel to korea since pink was shattered there, and if i remember correctly the flower she gave steven in the garden was pink’s signature flower, the hibiscus, which is korea’s national flower. this flower was also shown in the bushes of the garden— so i personally associate spinel with korea lol.  
> • hana and yuna are the names of two korean characters in overwatch, d.va and d.mon. hana is pink, peppy, and childish like heart, while yuna is dark, mysterious, and rebellious like spade. hana is represented by bunnies, while yuna’s motifs are demons. they are totally perfect for each other and remind me of spinel’s two personalities.  
> • hana means one in korean— heart being the first iteration of spinel to exist— (it can also mean favorite, as she’s steven’s favorite) and yuna means moon— representing how steven sang to spinel/spade under the moon.  
> • i wanted to personalize heart and spade more and give them identities outside of being alters. i hope to define their personalities and interests soon. the host of the body will remain as spinel, though characters may still refer to hana and yuna as spinel sometimes. 
> 
> so yes— say hello to hana and yuna! :D


	75. Standing Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel had arrived to Beach City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofd  
> im #1 in comments in the stevinel tag :D

Steven’s cuddling against Spinel under the freshly cleaned sheets in the middle of the night, finally having returned to Beach City after a few days of rest. 

It was warmer out, as March had finally neared, but they still find eachother embracing eachother and grazing their feet against eachother during the night for comfort. 

Steven had been periodically kissing Spinel— fanning her face with his breath— as he wrapped his strong arms around her, their chests pressed against each other.

Spinel had shut her eyes, trembling a bit for some reason. And Steven was determined to help.

Was it because he tried to kill her?

Every time Steven kissed her— their lips  would lightly smack. He’d gently switch angles, grazing his cheek against hers— Spinel looking down, a bit shy to be held like this so intimately. Just a year ago she had been seen as a nuisance to Steven— so clingy and overly affectionate— clearly annoyed to see her, yet she tried to impress him anyway— yet here she was, cuddling with him under the covers as his new girlfriend. 

She really won the game, didn’t she.

Steven concludes by kissing her on the forehead, and bringing his body up so she can press her head against his broad chest, feeling his heartbeat. He caresses the back of her head, massaging her hair, as she wraps around him tighter. 

After a tender moment together, he raspily speaks, looking across the room behind her with a stern expression, yet still petting her softly anyway.

Even when he was mad, he was always so delicate with her. 

“Why didn’t you tell me Yuna tried to kill you all in the garden, Hana.”

Spinel flinches— only to press her palms against his chest, trying to control her shakes. Steven can clearly sense it, and he tightly squeezes her to calm her down.

Spinel’s quietly hyperventilating.

“Yuna said she’d sabotage our relationship with you if we said anything. We didn’t want to worry you either, knowing it’d make you drift away from us again, mn.” 

“Sabotage it how.”

“Mn. P-Pretend to be us. Pretend to be me, specifically, since she can do that pretty good.”

Steven shuts his eyes as he remembers how Yuna played him at the Sky Arena, pretending to be a confused and disoriented Hana in his grasp, knowing he was attached to her and couldn’t bare to hurt her. 

“What other ways has she hurt you, Spinel,” he says with a deadpan expression and a monotonous voice, determined to get more answers.

How the hell did he allow himself to fall for Yuna.

Because he wanted a challenge?

After her little outburst in the hibiscus field, those feelings were long gone now. She had barely fronted since, unable to face him now. 

It was just him and Hana now. And as pleased as he was to have that, he couldn’t help but grow concerned for his... changing appearance. His pastel hair was growing at a rapid pace— likely meant to resemble Pink Diamond’s blooming rococo curls— and the top of his head was a fluffy, blush pink. 

Hana liked it, of course— as this coincided with their desire to recreate Pink’s memories together— but this was becoming way too literal now. He had to put an end to this. He could not become Pink Diamond.

He could not become the beauty _and_ the beast— as his mother reflects both, with her beautiful appearance and her wicked demeanor. 

Yet Yuna was his only ticket out, he remembers. He had to get her to fall in love with him to break the curse, according to the storybook— and with his faded feelings towards her now, he had no idea how they were gonna accomplish this. 

Steven starts reflecting back on his conversation with Sapphire— how even with her clairvoyance, she was unable to see his future with Spinel as a result of her multiple, conflicting, alters, all creating various timelines with drastically different outcomes. 

But as he finds himself in Spinel’s arms, and his appearance converting to one akin to Pink Diamond’s, he can’t help but wonder if he’ll end up in Homeworld as Spinel’s prince, like Sapphire foreshadowed. Would he be a benevolent ruler, alongside the loving— yet overbearing— Diamonds, or would he be a dictator alongside Yuna, determined to exact revenge on the Diamonds and the citizens who drew the Spinels to ruin? 

Steven listens intently to what Hana has to say, furrowing his brows. 

“How did she hurt you and Spinel, Hana.” 

Spinel mumbles— although Hana’s fronting now, it’s Spinel’s body after all, so all of her actions will be described accordingly— and Steven simply squeezes her tighter, trying to get an answer out of her. Why is she resisting. 

“How. Did she. Hurt you,” he says one last time— and she shuts her eyes in defeat as she has no choice. 

“By... slamming our head against the pillar repeatedly in the sky arena while we were tied,” she quickly blurts out, afraid of his reaction. 

Steven instantly flinches— nearly losing his grip on her— only to hold her against his chest again. 

That’s why she was passed out when he saw her. That’s why she was so beaten up, and exhausted. Because she was being tortured for days by Yuna. 

He recalls how she couldn’t even stand up either, instantly falling to the ground when she was untied.

She thought she only made them bite their lip.

But that was too weak of a punishment in Yuna’s eyes, wasn’t it.

_Tch._

“Why. Didn’t you tell me this,” he says as his voice cracks, tearing up. How did this all go unchecked for so long. 

“Because it would affect all of us,” she whimpers, tears staining his t-shirt. 

“How,” he whispers, fluttering his eyelashes, trying to hold back. Trying to stay strong for her. She’s been so strong all this time— he has to do better from now on. 

“If you knew we were like this, so violent, you’d only be driven away. You’d never love us. And Yuna knew that, and that’s what she told us.”

He can’t believe she’d been manipulating them like this.

“What else did she tell you, Hana.”

“Mmn. She’d. She’d make fun of me for wanting to play with you, and for doin’ tricks for you while you were t-tied up. I just w-wanted to cheer you up. Make you happy. That’s what I was made for, after all, but I guess I’m not good at all.”

_Not good enough for Pink, once again._

Steven shuts his eyes. Yuna was fully determined to bring Hana down. 

“She said I was stupid for trying to befriend you, tellin’ me you’d just forget about exactly me l-like Pink did. That you’d find me annoying, and clingy, and push me away eventually.”

“That’s not true.”

“And then she’d mock my voice, and the way I talk. She bullied me for wanting to be friends with you instantly, when you were Pink’s son, and even still, after you a-abandoned us when you went on. On,” she stammers, unable to finish. 

“My trip,” he mutters. 

Spinel nods weakly. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he sighs, purring against Spinel. 

“It’s okay. You needed to get away from everything.”

_Away from me._

_I know you didn’t like me very much._

“But I know how much you would’ve like to tag along. I know that you don’t like to be...”

“Alone,” she concludes. Staring into his chest, held by him. “Standing alone.”

“But now you’re never alone, Hana. You have your sisters.

But... one of them has to go.”

“No,” she whines, gripping onto his t-shirt. 

He seperates from her to look at her, holding her by the shoulders now. “What! But she’s terrible!” 

“And so am I.”

“No you’re not.”

“Yes I am. I’m the one who stayed still in the garden for all those years when I could’ve left,” she cries, pressing her lips together. “I knew where Pink was going.”

“You were traumatized, angel... there’s no way you could’ve reacted properly. You were just a baby.”

“So? Even if I could’ve moved I wouldn’t have. I wasn’t ready for. For.”

“For change,” he sighs, embracing her again. Rubbing her hair.

She nods— and recalls her past. “Our very own planet... a brand new place to play...! Oh, I was so excited,” she weakly smiles, only to curl her lips into a frown.

”But... but as I realized how things had evolved— how Pink had been neglecting me, maturing, forgetting me, drifting away— that I don’t think I would’ve been welcomed on Earth anyway. That I wouldn’t have been very happy. I was scared.”

“Well... now you’re happy on Earth with me,” he says as he kisses her cheek— pressing down on it for a moment.

She continues.

“I thought the garden was better. I had so many wonderful memories there anyway. What’s the point in making new ones when I could just relive them in my head on a loop?” she chuckles lifelessly. “So I stayed. Standing alone. And I forced us all to stand in the same spot as a form of self-sabotage. It was all my fault for being a coward, and selfish, and I deserve Yuna’s revenge. I’m a horrible person.” 

Steven can’t help but notice how far Hana is from her usual peppy self. In fact, he’s noticed that their personalities are all blending together now— them taking from one another, overlapping. He can’t help but feel tense about that. 

Who was going to bring him endless joy, like Hana does, or challenge him, like Yuna does? 

And even though the altars were driving him crazy... he hadn’t realized how much he actually needed them now. 

He made them out of his own desires, after all.

And his own necessities.

After drifting away from Connie and running out of enemies to play against, specifically. Who was the great Steven Universe now without someone to love and someone to fight? 

“You’re not a horrible person, Hana. You’re wonderful... I love being around you.”

“You’re just saying that, because you want a playmate. Because I distract you from your bad thoughts, even for a short amount of time.”

Steven flinches. That’s. That’s right. He. He never realized that. He... had been using her, to forget. She was a distraction for him, from everything that had happened to him.

She was a distraction for Pink, too. 

“I’m. I’m sorry.” 

Spinel stays quiet, looking down in shame. Trying not to cry anymore.

Steven has no idea what to do with himself. What to do with them. What the hell was their relationship? 

Perhaps it was just as unhealthy as his and Yuna’s. 

What had he done. He needs to, he needs to fix this, anyhow—

“I love you,” he says as his voice cracks, bringing her closer as tears flow from his eyes. 

He can’t believe he did that to her.

Actually, he can totally believe it. He was Pink Diamond’s son, after all. 

And his changing appearance reflected that. 

Spinel herself just breaks down sobbing against him, clinging to his shirt. 

This is what their relationship had come to. Even though Spinel had found someone—somewhere, somehow— she was being used by him, much like Pink used her. Used to forget his trauma, even  for a fleeting moment. 

But what about her trauma?

Was this really worth a relationship?

Is this really worth it, just so Spinel could have someone by her side?

Is this worth it so Spinel wouldn’t be standing alone?

Maybe she was better off reliving those happy memories with Pink in her mind. 

Maybe she was better off in the garden, once and for all.

Maybe she was better off...

Standing alone. 


	76. Counting The Seconds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel watch a horror film together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROOFIED. 
> 
> THIS CHAPTER HAS A MAJOR TRIGGER, BUT IT IS A SPOILER. PLEASE READ FOOTNOTES IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO TRIGGERS. ❗️❗️❗️

A few nights had passed.

Steven and Hana had been laying in bed together, finishing a horror film, as Hana had never watched one before, cuddling against each other before bed. But they paused it for a moment as they found themselves distracted with eachother again. 

They loved talking. 

They loved that they had the time to talk now, with both her alters seemingly dormant. 

Counting the seconds, as numerous conversations go by. 

He wishes this could go on forever, his time with Hana. 

Steven wonders. 

Who will win the game? 

He shuts his eyes and flinches. 

Win. What game?

The game. Over control of Spinel’s body? 

Is this what this is—? A game—? Are the alters competing against eachother for permanent control over the body? Is that why Yuna keeps trying to kill them, to take her place?

Is the prize... Steven’s heart? Is that why Yuna keeps sabotaging their relationships? 

Speaking of Yuna.

Steven couldn’t help but ruminate on what Hana told him last night. 

Steven suggested to her that they needed to find a way to get rid of Yuna. 

Yet. Despite all the torture, and abuse, and manipulation from Yuna, Heart still wanted her to stay. 

Why. 

Was there something good in her Steven simply didn’t see? 

Spinel had been leaning on Steven’s chest, purring against him as she was falling asleep. But Steven needed to press her for answers about Yuna, so he nudges her— Spinel officially fluttering her eyes awake. “Mnm?”

“Hi, baby,” he says as he smiles down at her warmly, rubbing his thumb on her cheek to stimulate her senses. 

“Mnm...” she mumbles as she leans up to look at him. She seems spaced out, but she automatically kisses him— she tries to part, but Steven simply cups her cheek to kiss her again— and soon, he guides her to his lap to make out, inserting his tongue inside hers, smiling. 

Steven leaned down on his pillow to get comfortable, and Spinel towered on top of him, proceeding their little makeout. He moaned into her as he cupped h er cheek, intensifying the kisses— gasping for air as they smacked their lips against eachother speedily, together incredibly passionate tonight. Ah. 

Spinel finds herself grinding against his erection automatically— even though she told Steven she wasn’t ready to have sex again, she still couldn’t resist these urges, so the most she’d do is just pleasure herself against his knee or crotch when they were together. 

Spinel exhales as she quickens the pace and grinds deeper— harder and faster— and soon she finds herself tilting her head up, panting as sweat trails down her neck. Steven simply clasps her hands as she goes, admiring her bouncing breasts so conveniently in front of him. 

She leans on top of him and buries her face in his neck, and Steven clasps her ass so she arches her back and grinds harder— and she whines— thrusting dramatically, hitting her sweet spot— Steven and her breathing heavily against eachother— with him going at it as well, heaving— until she finally satisfies herself for the time being, flopping onto his chest, hoping to calm herself down.

Counting the seconds. 

She sighs, the pair sweating against eachother. They were going to conclude and go to bed, but as Steven presses his lips against her neck— whiffing her baby-powder scent— he finds himself aroused again and shifts her body to the side, that way he’s on top of her while she’s on her back. 

Steven leans down and nips at her neck— suctioning off her skin repeatedly to give her a hickey— pinning her wrists down, showing suddenly aggression. 

He wanted to advance in their relationship so badly. 

As adorable as her little cuddles and hand-holdings are, he’s an adult, and he wants to be treated that way. 

Why is she so afraid to grow up? 

He wishes she could be more confrontational and aggressive, like—

Nevermind. 

Regardless, Spinel softly moans into his ear— a bit sleepily from the recent nap. He tightly cups her cheeks and continues kissing her harshly, trying to get her to wake up— come on, do something!— but she just yawns, eager to go back to sleep. 

He knows how to wake her up. 

Steven trails kisses down her stomach and finds himself at her hips, and begins shimmying them down to undress her. He licks his lips, so excited to finally play— 

Until she hikes her legs up, covering access to her crotch. 

“No,” she says blatantly and cutely.

No playing tonight for you, Steven! 

Steven groans and rolls to the side, flopping beside her. “Fiiiiiine,” he mumbles adorably. 

This had been the third time she had rejected him. He was so eager to sleep with her again, as being with her was just so lovely, but she was still so innocent, she wasn’t ready for that. 

And he respects that. 

Instantly, he just shifts his body up to make out with her again, smooching her cheeks repeatedly— tickling her and making her giggle— only for her to calm down as he then gently kisses her, lightly nipping at her bottom lip repeatedly. She wraps her arms around his neck and he lifts her up, that way she can kneel on his lap and tower over him— Steven wrapping his arms around her to pull her closer for one final makeout, smiling up at her. 

She so sweetly kisses him, caressing his cheek and petting his curly hair— dipping into him a few times, eyes fluttered shut, concluding the night with him. They collectively sigh, and as they part lips, Steven looks up at her. 

“I love you.” 

Spinel simply gets off of him, and as he leans back on the headboard she sits on his lap so they can finish the movie— Steven wrapping his arms around her, holding her hand as she fiddles with it. 

And so they watch— with Steven a bit distracted honestly, brushing his cheek against her hair and sniffing her baby-powder scent. She’s just so soft, he can’t help himself anymore. 

Suddenly, as the film reaches its ending, a scene appears where a slasher had been slitting people’s throats— victims screaming loudly as blood gushes from their necks, startling Spinel. She immediately covers her eyes, whimpering— and Steven instantly shuts off the remote and cradles her as she weeps. 

Aw, poor baby. 

“Are you okay, Hana?” he says as he sees her takes her hands off her face, blinking.

Spinel quietly nods. “Mnm.”

Steven shuts off the T.V. with the remote and places her back against her pillow, tucking her in. He tells her to simply count the seconds, breathing in and out, trying to relax her in time for bed. 

He leans across from her on his elbow, admiring her as she falls asleep in front of him. He’s holding her hand, rubbing his thumb against her palm as usual. 

He’ll sleep with her again soon, he hopes. 

**

A couple hours had passed, and Steven groans as he feels a weight pressing against his neck, nipping at his skin repeatedly.

There’s a childish giggle. 

It was Hana, who seemed to have woken up in the middle of the night, eager to play again. Steven shuts his eyes to savor the moment as she’s on top of him. How considerate of her to relax him to sleep like this. 

She’s... so gentle, as usual, although she’s nipping at his neck she still makes time to “heal” him with her baby kisses and her cupid love. She nuzzles his cheek oh, so adorably— mmm— and she smiles as she shimmies down under the covers playfully. 

She then pulls down his pants— and Steven opens his eyes and starts panting in confusion as she feels her breath fan her crotch. What was she doing—?

“Spinel... I thought you said you didn’t want to,” he looks up at her as she unbottons his sweater next. 

“Changed my mind,” she coolly replies.

Seems she had a change of... heart, pun not intended. Steven shrugs it off and helps her unbotton his sweater, and Spinel looks down at him and admires his physique. 

She grazes his biceps, Steven shivering at her touch. 

Why was she so cold when he had been cuddling with her under the covers? He needed to do a better job next time, then. 

Nevertheless, she trails kisses down his stomach, massaging her face with his body hair, keeping herself warm. He chuckles, as Hana’s being ever-so-silly, as usual, and she blows a raspberry on his stomach, causing him to immediately jolt up and giggle, elegantly covering his mouth. Spinel simply smiles to see him so happy again— after all, that’s what she’s made for! 

She glides her hands up his stomach, her palms sliding across him— her touch relaxing him and he can’t help but moan a bit— he’s so relieved that she’s finally come to her senses— seeing that they’re made for eachother— and so she finally brushes her cheek against him, giving him the softest little kisses, only turning plumper and wetter as she proceeds. Steven laughs as she affectionately nibbles his ear— oh, she’s just so cute, as usual. And he has her all to himself tonight. 

He could get used to alone time with Hana. They had actually gone a couple of dates the past few days since they got back— grazing their legs together under the café table, sharing eachother’s cafe au lait, holding hands... you know, the usual.

Yuna must be so, so jealous. 

Hana positions herself on top of him and starts lowering his underwear— and Steven softly gasps and looks up at her— “Hana... are you sure?” 

Hana nods eagerly, smiling with her eyes— “Mhm. I love you, Steven,” she mumbles as she looks down shyly, her feminine, airy voice sending shivers down his body, butterflies enveloping his stomach. Steven firmly nods back, and furrows his brow as he lowers his underwear completely and lets her hover on top of him. He grips her petite ass, and she can’t help but squeak adorably. 

“Are you ready...? Don’t feel that you have to rush into this with me,” he mumbles, looking up at her with parted lips. 

“Mhm. It’s my duty to make you happy, after all,” she replies, noticing how sad and anxious he’s been lately, regarding his pink hair.

“Spinel...” he sighs. “That’s not your purpose anymore. You’re free now.”

“...I know,” she says cheerfully.

Aw. How sweet.

And then he smiled. 

Finally, Hana shimmies down his cock— already a bit lubricated and wet for him— and daintily brings her arms up and gasps.

Steven slowly holds her by the hips, biting his lip, and begins pushing her body up and down slowly so she can begin penetrating herself— and she immediately whines in discomfort. “St-Steven—!” 

Steven simply grips her tighter— recalling how delicate she is— but he simply shares and glance with her and prompts her to continue— “it’s like a game, Hana—“ and she nods, only to start bouncing up and down, planting her palms on his chest for support. “Ah! Ah! Ah!” she cries behind closed eyes, in pain. 

“You’re doing great—!” he says as he rubs her arm for a moment— and suddenly, she goes faster, taking Steven by surprise as she loudly moans in pleasure. He thought she didn’t like sex that much—? 

She gets more aggressive with her thrusts, and starts digging her nails into his skin, scratching him. She whines loudly— losing her voice— and she simply pounds harder, her wet thighs slapping against his, almost stinging him in pain. 

What is up with her? This is so unlike her. 

“H-Hana, that’s a bit too rough— ah, mmn— tone it down.” He knew she was easily excited, but this is so too-much. He counts the seconds, hoping this strange episode of hers concludes soon.

“Mmn! Mnnn—!” but she ignores him and goes harder— hurting him instead now. “H-Hey, Hana, cut it out! T-That hurts!”

...

“Good.”

...What? 

And so she leans down and buries her face in his neck— pressing her chest against his— and begins biting his neck— they start as little nips at first, finally in character again— but then she goes down on him hard, causing him to cry out. “Ow! Ow! Hey! That’s too far! Hana!” 

She growls, her voice growing raspier, and she suddenly starts cackling manically— Steven’s pupils instantly dilate at the sound of that— and she lifts herself up to grin down at him wickedly behind gritted teeth.

Steven starts shaking as he stares up at _her_. 

“Y-You’re not Hana.”

Hana smirks, flipping her hair and tilting her head playfully, enticing him as she pounds into him. She giggles menacingly—“D’aw, what’s the matter, Steven?” she jeers at him behind a wicked smile, furrowing her brows. “Miss your girlfriend already?” 

Steven freezes— clinging onto the pillow— and starts stammering pathetically at the sight of Yuna on top of him, deceiving him yet again. “Y-Y-You’re not Hana, you’re Y-Yuna—“

“And you’re not Pink Diamond. Two can play at that game, hm?” she smiles sweetly, exactly like Heart’s— and he scowls realizing how perfectly she can portray and mimic her— and she simply lifts her chin up and keeps bouncing, ignoring him and his anger. He grips her wrists tightly, as he wants to cut this off immediately, but she persists, going harder despite his protests.

Steven counting the seconds until this ends. 

Yuna simply glares down at him, biting her lip— and she knows exactly how to taunt him— and so she raises the pitch of her voice and sighs sweetly, mimicking Hana— “Oh, Steven!”— Steven’s breath hikes— “Oh, Steven! Steven! Steven... Universe! Ah, ah! That feels so... sweet! Ah!” and so she begins speaking like her sister, mocking Steven who’s trapped below her. 

Counting the seconds. 

Why can’t he bring himself to move? 

When it’s Yuna on top of him?

Usually Steven would glow pink, knowing he’s in danger at the hands of Yuna— but... but his body’s enjoying it—? And Spinel simply whines louder— arousing him even more with her melodic, girly voice... When he’s not supposed to be aroused. Because he’s being—

But she just interrupts and continues whining dramatically— totally faking it just to turn him on and piss him off— and it actually works, as he can’t help but thrust against her now and go faster, as she tightens her grip on him, wrapping her extensive limbs around him like a snake. Its slithering graze initially pleased him, heightening his senses, but as she pinches him until it stings, he feels obliged to press onto her harder, hoping to hurt her back.

But that’s exactly what she wants from him.

“Mmff! Mffh!” she cries, returning to her raspy voice— digging her claws into his wrists— slamming harder as her head bobs against his aggressive movements. She bites her lip as he fucks her— “Mm! Mfff! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, yes!” she gasps. “Fuck! Go hard, harder! Yes!” she screams, and so he complies for some reason, totally entranced by her noises, gazing up at her with a parted mouth.

He’s never heard them before.

Steven grits his teeth and furrows his brow in frustration— and as she looks down at him— Spinel finally in control again— he observes her devilish smile and gasps— 

Why is he letting her win. 

He— he can’t stop thrusting though— and he starts glowing pink as his emotions intensify, and Spinel then jolts, screaming— her moisture rubbing onto him, Spinel wet as hell— “Fuck! F-Fuck! Holy fuck! Shit! Ah! Ah!—“ she yells— and practically starts vibrating as he goes superhumanly fast— they go so hard his thighs burn her— “Mff— Mff! MFF! MF! YES—! YES! FUCK. YES. AHAHAHAHAHAHA YES, FINALLY!”

Seems this is what she had been trying to get out of him all along, knowing his power. 

Does she know how painful having sex with Pink Diamond can be? Does she just enjoy torturing herself? 

Of course she does. 

She continues cackling— but as she does so he finally recalls how wicked she is— and how cruelly he’s hurt him— and how horribly she treats Heart— and he shakes his head and finally snaps out of it. 

His voice cracks— “Get. Off. Of me. Spinel.” But she simply ignores him and saccharinely,  yet so evilly giggles— a horrifying amalgam of Heart and Spade, and she pins his wrists down to the bed so he can’t move— he struggles, but she quickly goes tighter, causing him to cry in pain— exactly what she likes to hear. 

He can’t move.

He returns back to normal color. 

He doesn’t wanna be pink anymore.

Not like her.

Steven lays numb, staring at the ceiling as Spinel continues to fuck him without consent.

Mouth parted, sweat dripping, stomach curling. 

Rocking with the bed, despite laying perfectly still.

Counting the seconds. 

As the fan’s blades go by. 

She continues thrusting into him— and as she feels she’s about to come— she grits her teeth and moans at the top of her lungs, doused in sweat, practically screetching— “AH! SHIT! AHH—” and she collapses on top of him, making him flinch. But he remains still nonetheless, unable to push her off. Once again counting the seconds.

She’s done. 

She brushes up his neck and whispers in his ear, forcing Steven to shut his eyes, trying not to cry. 

“I love you so fuckin’ much.”

Steven’s lip quivers.

Oh, no. 

Spinel takes off her shirt and exposes her breasts, and forcefully takes Steven’s arm and makes him cup it— he doesn’t do anything, totally numb now, so she covers his hand and makes him massage her tit, agonizing him. He simply averts her gaze, ashamed he couldn’t stop this sooner. Counting the seconds, hoping this nightmare ends. 

Had he been—?

But Spinel suddenly stops and slaps his hand off her.

“Tch. You’re no fun,” she whines as she finally slides off him and heads back to bed, burying herself under the covers with Steven lifeless beside her.

Steven just lies there, panting heavily. Looking across the room. Trying to piece together what just happened.

Spinel finally talks, sighing onto her pillow.

“You did just swell tonight, loser.”

Steven immediately flinches at the sound of that, but she doesn’t notice, simply closing her eyes and resting peacefully against the pillow, as if she hadn’t just sexually assaulted him. 

Swell.

Loser.

That’s exactly how Yuna talks. 

He’s sleeping with Yuna. 

He just slept with Yuna. 

Steven...

Had just been raped. 

By someone who shares the same body with his girlfriend. 

He finally starts blinking, somewhat. Coming back to life. 

Is that... even considered rape? 

Is he even supposed to be mad, if they’re the same person, just with multiple dissociating personalities?

Is this... fucking real? 

Suddenly, Spinel starts sighing, pleasuring herself under the covers now— not satisfied with his performance, apparently.

He doesn’t like the sound of that at all, despite her being his—

She’s not his girlfriend.

Not at all. 

He doesn’t love her.

So that means. 

Oh. 

He really had just been raped, hadn’t he.

Rape. 

That’s not good at all. 

Steven simply watches the ceiling fan spin, letting the breeze hit his face just to feel something. Anything. Counting the seconds. So nauseous, trying not to vomit.

What the hell was he gonna do with her now.

He had just been raped by Spinel.

And the entire time, he had been frozen in place, unable to move. 

Just like Spinel failed to when Pink abandoned her in the garden.

Is this what it felt like? Was it so gruesome to her, so inhumane, so disgusting, so traumatizing, it felt like rape? 

Of course it was.

Is that why Spinel did this? So he finally knows how she feels?

Is this revenge?

Revenge for rejecting her, just like Pink did? 

And he just happily listened and stayed like she did, thinking it was her sister eager to finally ‘play’ like she promised. 

Like a fool.

Like Spinel.

Who had been counting the seconds.

Counting the seconds.

Counting the seconds.

Counting the seconds.

This is so twisted.

Isn’t that lovely? 

Isn’t that cool. 

And aren’t he a fool to have. 

Happily listened. 

Happily stayed. 

Happily watched himself drift...

Drift... 

Away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️  
> TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE / SEXUAL ASSAULT.
> 
> on a more positive note: this fic is on the first page of the steven universe tag
> 
> [SUNSTONE VOICE] AND REMEMBER KIDS...! ALWAYS ASK FOR CONSENT! ☀️ 😎 👍


	77. Once And For All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven processes his new trauma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROOFD

Steven Universe did _not_ sleep last night.

As Spinel had been oh, so, considerately been rocked to bed by her prince, he had instead been leaning over the toilet, hurling the twists in his stomach, reliving his rape at the hands of Spade on loop in his mind. 

Another trauma. 

Lovely.

Another trauma to internalize and forget. 

Cool.

Another trauma at the hands of Spinel, his girlfriend. 

Cruel. 

What was he gonna do about this.

His first instinct was to send her back home. That way she can earn some discipline from the Diamonds.

Maybe abandon her for good.

But then he remembered he’d lose Heart— and Clover.

Oh, how much he missed Clover.

Clover, Heart, and Spade— all the same girl. Or are they different girls, in one body? 

Steven... feels conflicted about this while Dissociative Identity Disorder thing.

On the one hand, it drives him insane. Stresses him out. Makes him paranoid. He finds himself constantly making mistakes, tip-toeing as not to trigger Spade to front and attack him, or for Heart to cry.

Truly a relationship on loop.

But on the other hand, he loves that loop— in a sick, twisted way.

That way he can start each day and relive it over and over again, because as they switch alters in a vicious cycle— they’ve unknowingly started their own little game. And of course, Steven was the new player of the game, the game he didn’t know he were playing. 

Ready or not, let’s begin!

Now here are the rules, plain and simple: Steven, in this new relationship... can just keep messing up, and fixing things— forever! And they’ll never have to know or think about any of it, as because they switch consciouses, they’ll forget the next day! He can fix anything! And considering that his savior of the galaxy title is meaningless now, he finally has a new purpose— he can just keep playing with Spinel over and over again, creating new problems, and fixing them over and over again, reliving their relationship on loop until he’s satisfied! 

Steven sighs, and calms down as he realized he was getting manic.

...How messed up is that. 

Steven wipes the vomit off his lip— pink, as usual— and saunters over to the sink. He washes his face, trying to scrub the trauma off of him, haha! only to look at the mirror again to see that his roots have grown exponentially and the top of his head is cotton candy pink. 

Oh, stars. 

Steven starts hyperventilating, and stumbles to the back of the wall, looking at his reflection in the mirror, panting dramatically. 

He starts dissociating— seeing the image of his mother blur into his, and he sees himself finally becoming her— he gasps, and nears the glass to punch it— causing shards of glass to fall on the ground and for some to pierce his fingers— blood that shames the red, red rose gushing out of him. 

He cries— shutting his eyes— and shifts a glass that cut into him out of his skin, and licks his hand— healing himself.

He looks at the blood on the floor and the mess he made.

He just feels so numb right now.

He’ll clean that later. 

Instead, he just washes the blood off his hands— watching the water from the sink fade from pink to red, and back to pink.

Pink.

He looks back at the mirror to see his reflection again— his reddened eyes, his deep-set of eyebags—  and of course, his mother’s hair. 

He’s becoming a monster. 

No. 

He’s becoming a beast. 

No, no. 

Worst of all.

He’s finally becoming a Diamond.

Fulfilling his magical destiny once and for all. 

Thanks to Spinel.

The missing and final piece of the puzzle, completing him. 

Completing Pink Diamond, setting the stage for his magical transformation. 

Transformed by a rose, ironically.

And it’s all because of that rose, that’s somewhere in her gem!

He has to get it out of her.

Maybe it just needs watering!

Or, or some good old healing kisses from Steven, hah! Bam, Prest-o, change-o, problem solved! He’ll get rid of it that easy! 

He can fix anything! He’s Steven Universe! 

But... he can’t fix Yuna. 

And for some reason, Hana doesn’t think she needs fixing.

Despite her abusing her. Despite her sabotaging her relationship with Steven. Despite trying to kill her, once and for all. 

Steven slaps himself in the face as he remembers he forgot to ask Heart what she saw in Spade, too distracted with her because he was trying to—

Trying to sleep with her. 

He drags his hand down his face, trying to make up excuses for her. Trivialize that horrible experience— his silly little “trauma”— it’s not as bad as witnessing forced fusion, watching his family almost die, and getting his gem torn out of him by White Diamond, right?!

Right? This is no problem at all! Just a teensy little scare he’ll forget about the next day, no problem!

A teensy, little scare. 

Yuna. 

Maybe Yuna just wanted to take Heart’s place for the night.

Maybe she thought since they shared the same body that the host didn’t matter. 

Still, it’s not right. 

Steven has so many questions... about their disorder.

How did it form? Was it born because of her trauma in the garden? Or when he tried to rejuvinate her, resetting her?

Steven met Spinel when she was one identity— does that mean her alters aren’t real, or that she’s one person? Or does that mean her other identities are real, and that Steven was in fact raped by Spade, a real person?

Speaking of Spade.

What does Hana see in her? 

She’s... a beast. But Hana is the beauty who sees the good in her, someday, somewhere, somehow.

Maybe Spinel’s the one who inherited that trait from his mother— the ability to see the beauty in everything— not him. 

After all, he was cowering on the floor in the corner of his bathroom, believing his own girlfriend raped her. 

Who cares that it was her alter. They’re the same person, right? This was totally normal— just a misunderstanding between switched personalities. They were both confused, and tired since it was so late. Pfff, no trauma at all! So silly, Steven, to fabricate another trauma to keep you on your feet again! That’s funny! 

At least he found that entertaining. 

And about his trauma.

Steven... couldn’t move at all while he was being violated by Spinel, he realized. 

He doesn’t know why. 

He knew he was in danger. 

But it seems his body couldn’t differentiate between her altars. It is a psychological condition, after all. Not an actual physical threat.

Maybe it’s because there are no alters. Maybe she really is insane. Maybe she’s bored, and wants to play one last game with him.

Steven shakes his head no. It’s gotten too far— to the point she’s tried to kill herself, kill him, and her altars. There’s no way that can be a game. 

It’s not a game. 

And he needed to finally take it seriously, once and for all. 

Why didn’t he move? If he knew it wasn’t a game? 

Is it because he... liked to feel submissive to Spinel, at last? He... liked to finally be demeaned, abused, after becoming so powerful as the gem savior? 

Is it because he thinks he deserves it? After fighting so many enemy gems. Hurting so many people. Making so, so, many mistakes in his lifetime. 

Hurting her.

Did he want to be punished by his best friend, worst enemy?

Why didn’t he stop her. 

Why couldn’t he stop himself— he— played along with her too— he realizes, and he starts trembling again. 

He too, thrusted with her uncontrollably, entranced by her. 

Entranced by her voice.

Entranced by her touch. 

Entranced by her power.

It’s because he was too weak. And he blames himself for not resisting her. She herself made him frail and feeble, too. Made him...

Innocent. 

Loving. 

Stupid. 

Steven groans as he reimagines his rape— and how captivated he was by her, gazing up at her stupidly with parted lips as she rocked him on the bed. Oh, he was so innocent to think it was actually Heart who wanted to finally sleep with him. Oh, he was so loving to desperately fall for her touch and her saccharine giggles. And he was oh, so, stupid, to believe it wasn’t Spade the entire time, violating him. 

And aren’t he a fool. 

Steven shuts his eyes and washes the last of the blood on him and dabs a towel on his healing wounds— and he opens the door to head back to the bedroom, with Spinel lying in bed.

He looks at Spinel who had been sleeping peacefully. Looking so innocent for him.

Oh, how wrong, that was now. 

How was he ever going to look at her the same. 

As he observes his Sleeping Beauty, he can’t help feel stupid for believing they were a fairy tale. That they could actually have a storybook ending. He thought fairy tales were supposed to have happy endings. That they were supposed to be beautiful. That they were supposed to be lovely. 

That they were supposed to be swell.

He picks up the book of tales from his nightstand and skims through it, trying to piece together the puzzle. 

As he reads, he notices how surprisingly... twisted these stories are. 

He reads:

How Cinderella’s stepsisters brutally cut off their toes so they can fit into the glass slipper. 

How Rapunzel’s prince had fallen into a thorn bush, his eyes violently jabbed and bloodied, causing him to lose his sight— unable to see his beautiful newborn daughters. 

How the beauty cruelly fell in love with her captor and abuser, who menacingly seperated her from her loving father. 

How the evil queen was defeated by Snow White, and as a punishment was forced to wear iron shoes thrown into burning coal, forced to dance until she fell down dead. 

How Alice became madder and madder the further she fell down the rabbit hole, being driven to insanity. 

How The Little Mermaid’s sisters would lure sailors into their deaths by seducing them, only to drown them. 

Or how every step the mermaid with legs took on land felt like sharp knifes stabbing her, the witch who cursed her torturing her.

Or how her prince falls in love with another woman— the witch telling her that if she killed her lover she’d be saved— only to fail to, and instead the mermaid becomes so heartbroken she commits suicide. 

And finally, how the Sleeping Beauty was sadistically raped in her slumber, and was impregnated with twins and forced to give birth in her sleep. 

This... is pretty twisted.

Is this what their relationship was meant to be like— seemingly innocent and loving, only to result in absolute horror, pain, and violence? 

Is this their magical destiny? 

All of these fairytales were widely known to have happy endings. 

Yet here he was, reading the original transcripts, seeing how twisted they were. Details of murder, betrayal, kidnapping, abuse, violence, mental illness, and most important of all... 

Rape.

The beautiful maidens in these stories were no strangers to rape. 

Maybe as a fairy tale prince, Steven was destined to follow suit. 

And like Rapunzel, in a way Steven was also impregnated with twins.

Heart and Spade. 

And like Sleeping Beauty, he was also violated in his sleep. 

But these rapes served a purpose in these stories. 

They were magical curses. 

So was he cursed, too? 

And...

And was Spinel cursed, too? 

Is that what she’s going through— is that what her disorder is— an evil curse? A wicked spell? 

If so, cast by who? 

And most important of all: can it be broken? 

Is Steven the daring prince who breaks the spell, with true love’s kiss?

Can he end this Once Upon a Time that’s cruelly stuck on loop once and for all? 

He was about to near her, dip her in her sleep— until he realized that it wasn’t true love’s kiss. 

He didn’t love Spade.

And Spade loves Lars now. She just wanted to exact revenge on Steven tonight, that was all. There was no love here.

He also wonders if Heart genuinely loves him— or just sees him as the bearer of his mother’s gem, hoping she comes back to her someday. Still foolishly clinging onto her abuser, thousands of years later. 

And Clover... Clover fully abandoned him. Leaving him to suffer with the bickering and disordered twins. 

How was that love? To allow him to suffer like this alone. 

He feels hopeless now.

He feels that their relationship is hopeless. 

He feels that his happiness is hopeless. 

It seems this is the storybook ending he deserved, after all. To die alone and sad.

It seemed this was the happily ever after he was destined to live, once and for all. 

His Once Upon a Time. 

And he had to finally put an end to all of this— an end to their lovely fairy tale romance— once and for all.

Once and for all.


	78. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven goes to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofd  
> YOU CAN MAKE A PRRROMISE

Steven had put the book back on the bookshelf and flopped back on the bed, groaning as he finally drifts off to sleep. 

He had been paranoid to be sleeping with Spinel beside him, but he was just so exhausted, and after everything that had just happened he knew he deserved the restful nap.

**

It was afternoon, and Steven had slept for several hours— only to conclude his slumber with Spinel staring at his adorable, sleeping face.

Well, not that adorable. But Spinel thinks so, at least. 

He looked so... sick. 

His face is so pale— his bags are so deep, and he has faded bruises plastered on him from who knows where. 

Why were there cuts on his hands? 

Spinel simply presses herself onto her pillow and looks at him— listening to his shortened breaths. He starts breathing anxiously— as it seems he was having a nightmare— and he clings onto the mattress as he shivers. He quickly flutters his eyes open, and wakes up in a cold sweat beside Spinel. 

“Good morning, Sunshine!” she whispers to him cheerfully, pressing her hands against eachother and leaning on them, admiring him with a smile.

Steven groans and rubs his hands over his face, clearing off his sweat. It seems Hana was fronting again— he hopes— and that she was already awake, waiting for their playdate. 

But he was already so tired from “playing” with Yuna last night.

He sighs, ready to begin the day again.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he says as he wipes the wet hair from his face, and continues lying on his back— sprawled against it as he stretches. He was anxious to be around her after what happened to him, of course, but he had to remain calm as to not worry her. Her sister is terrifying, and Hana was not aware of her potential.

Spinel had missed his affections. She... admittedly started to feel depressed all of a sudden without him. As if she was losing him, even though nothing happened, she thinks.

And certainly she couldn’t let that happen... so she trails her hand to his side of the bed and nuzzles her pinky against his, craving the slightest touch from him. 

Steven initially flinches... still a bit uncomfortable with Spinel, but he makes the exception for her as Hana. He simply gazes at her from his pillow, observing her pretty face as he rubs hers.

Hana blinks up at him intently, waiting for him to say something.

Now... now was his time to ask questions. 

“Hana...”

“Mnm. Am I in trouble?”

“No, why would you say that.” 

“Well, um. I couldn’t stop Yuna from fronting last night... and she was really, really strong this time, she pushed me out like instantly. Then I blacked out and I don’t know what happened... Did she cut you or something?” she looks down at his scars. 

These were from when he shattered the mirror glass, so he shakes his head no. “No, don’t worry about it. I was just cooking a bit last night and accidentally cut myself,” he lies. “Nothing happened.”

He can’t let her know he was dissociating, seeing himself as Pink Diamond now. 

Spinel warmly smiles. “Okay, hehe. I’m so super happy to hear that you’re okay. She really wanted to play with you... I hope you two had fun.” 

Steven grits his teeth and winces. Play. Fun. Oh, what he experienced with her was far from it, but he plays along anyway. 

“Hmm. What did you guys play anyway?” she asks, curious, innocently playing with his finger.

Innocent. 

He has to keep it that way.

“Oh. Um. —cough— You know... the usual. Tag.” 

Spinel gasps— “Oh my gosh, I love tag!” but then she pouts. “Too bad I couldn’t play this time, aw.”

Steven chuckles awkwardly. “You, uh... didn’t miss a thing. Wasn’t that fun.” It really wasn’t.

“Oh, okay! Just know I’m like, really really good. But I’m glad Yuna had fun though. She seems happier today!” she says optimistically, pleased to see know her sister’s finally content after being so difficult the past few days. Or weeks. Or months. Sigh.

Steven can’t help but quietly groan a bit in discomfort. Why does Hana still care about Yuna’s happiness? Yuna’s terrible to her. She bullies her, mocks her, teases her— has made her cry multiple times, abuses her... yet she still cares for her when she should move on. Why? 

“Hana... why are you still friends with Yuna?” he finally asks.

“Huh?” 

“Friends. You’re friends. Why.”

“Yup! Best friends, hehe.”

Steven instantly flinches. Best... friends? “Best friends?”

“Duh! We’re like, really really close. I feel like I’ve known her forever!”

That’s because you have, Spinel. 

Steven can’t help but feel that this is one of Hana’s ways of coping with her abuse. He thinks she fabricated their “friendship”, to try to lighten their intense situation. 

“At least that’s what she tells me!” she smiles— and Steven once again winces. That... can’t be right. 

“Hana... she treats you horribly.” 

“No she doesn’t! She’s always been there for me.” 

Steven scoffs and rolls his eyes. “That’s because you share a body, Spinel.”

“So! We still talk. She gives me... advice! Sometimes.”

“Advice?”

“Yeah...” she taps her fingers shyly. “Now that she got to play with you, she’s letting me spend time with you now! Sh-She tells me stuff like, how to kiss or something.” And how to punch and beat you— oh she’s so silly— but she doesn’t tell him that. It’s not important.

“Spinel, you’re the one who’s my girlfriend. You don’t need permission from her, or anybody, to be with me.” 

“I don’t?”

Steven laughs dryly. “No, you don’t.” Is this what it was like under Pink Diamond? Constantly asking permission to do things?

He continues, concerned for her.

“Spinel... why do you treat her better. Want her around. After everything. I know the way she acts around you.”

“Because she’s really important to me.”

“What— why? She just makes everything worse for you.” 

“It’s just that! She was the only one who kept me company in the... the garden...” she say quietly, still not used to saying the word out loud. “I promised her we’d be together forever.”

“Spinel, you don’t owe her anything anymore. You can break a promise, you know.”

Oh, the irony. 

“But I do owe her. I know she’s not very good at all to you, but I still see the good in her. She was born to protect the system, and even if her methods have changed and are way more intense now, she’s still fulfilling that role. She still cares about me and Spinel— and I love her. She’s my best friend, and my first real one until I met you.” 

Steven looks down at her sadly, conflicted. Is Yuna actually not hopeless after all? Can they all make amends?

“I know, princess, but you’re free to make your own choices. Start over. Make new friends. You don’t need to stay with her just because she’s your sister.”

“Well, I don’t need to stay with you because I’m your mommy’s playmate, but here I am playing with you again like I promised her right?” she says as they rub against eachother’s legs flirtatiously, playing like they usually do.

Steven gets flustered and furrows his brow— “T-That’s not the same!”

“Okay. Whatever you say. I just don’t break promises. Especially not pinky-promises,” she childishly adds.

Steven starts to feel guilty. Maybe he should finally give Yuna a chance. 

“Just know... you made things worse for me, too.”

“...I did?” his breath hikes, and he grips onto her finger tightly unknowingly. 

“If I hadn’t come back, Pearl wouldn’t have tampered with the bottle and reset us. I wouldn’t be dealing with...”

“Spade, —sighs loudly—, sure. But you’d also never exist, Hana.

“So? Maybe it’s all for the better. Then Spinel wouldn’t have to suffer so much.”

“Remember the dilemma, Spinel... love can’t exist without suffering or sacrifice, and this is your dilemma now... I don’t know what I’d do with myself if you never existed, Hana,” he tells her, looking directly at her.

Spinel and Steven had been seperated, simply clinging onto their fingers— until Spinel scooches up to him to cuddle with him— but Steven starts panting anxiously and raises his hands up, gently pushing her off, completely seperating from her and isolating her on her side of the bed.

“Mn...?” she mumbles sadly in confusion. 

“I’m sorry.”

Spinel starts stammering quietly— “b-but, but— I thought— you p-promised—“

Steven just stays quiet. He can’t touch her from now on, or else Spade will know his weakness: Heart. 

But suddenly, Heart’s lip begins quivering and she begins tearing up— and Steven gasps. 

“Mnm...m. You don’t like me no more... is it.”

“Spinel...”

But she begins quietly wheezing as she cries— eyes watering with tears— and she simply pants after each sob, struggling to breathe. 

“Sweetie, no...” oh he feels so, so, guilty. She doesn’t deserve to suffer for her sister’s actions. She doesn’t deserve this punishment— as even rejecting a cuddle session was too much for her— and seeing her reaction is too much for him, too. 

“I knew it... Yuna was right. You are going to leave me, j-just like P-Pink...!”

Steven winces— and he can’t let her think that. Of course he’s not going to leave her— he promised he’d stay— b-but then again just a few minutes ago he was thinking of abandoning her and shipping off to the Diamonds, and— oh, no. 

He panics, and immediately shifts towards her and pulls her arm, bringing her in for a hug. Spinel gasps at the change of heart, and holds him. 

He rubs the back of her head to sooth her as she’s hyperventilating. 

“Of course I won’t leave you, Spinel.”

Spinel had been nuzzling against him, but she snaps out of it knowing she’s angry with him.

“T-Then why can’t you touch me. I thought you liked me, but you don’t even wanna cuddle w-with me no more.” 

“It’s not that...”

“I’m just not good enough for Pink. And now I’m not g-good enough for you, either,” she starts trembling at his touch— Heart is so, so delicate and gentle compared to Spade’s aggressions, he realizes. He has to stop treating Spade and Heart, and Clover, as the same person. Heart doesn’t even remember what Spade did last night— so why should she suffer for it?

“No...” he sighs, finally giving in. She’s so tense right now, he has to help. “That’s not the truth, baby,” he whispers as he slowly slides his hand down her panties, grazing her soft baby-skin, and lightly massages the exterior of her vagina with four fingers— starting nice and slow. Nothing intense.

Although Spinel was still breathing heavily, she starts to weaken the pace, embracing him as she leans on his shoulder and looks at the wall. Giving into him as well. 

He rubs up and down multiple times, and she fidgets in position a bit, hiking her breath— she coughs wetly, overwhelmed from crying so much. 

He continues caressing her hair as he does this—and he then alternates to three fingers and begins pressing into her, going in gentle, repetitive motions. So gentle, she begins to finally calm down, only lightly hiccuping. 

“Mnm...”

Spinel sniffles in his embrace, and Steven widens his circles, causing her to pant quickly— mewling quietly as he goes faster. She clings onto him tighter and shuts her eyes, burying into him, whining— as he quickens the pace, her moisture squishing inside her— and she begins vibrating as she moans— Steven going so fast he rocks the bed with her. “Mnn—mnn—mn—“ she whines. 

He then alternates, causing her to gasp, and thrusts up and down again aggressively— and she becomes gradually wet, liquid seeping out of her. Steven presses his cheek onto hers to keep her warm, and as he thrusts a few times he goes back to repetitive circles— and she starts whining loudly between pants, fanning his face with her breath, and as Spinel finds herself soaking wet, her vagina tingling, he finally inserts two fingers into her. 

“Ahn— ah!” she cries as he slides in, and hugs him tighter as he gently dives in and out of her, feeling her moisture— she continues panting, sweat trailing down her face now— and she presses her plush breasts against him. He goes slow, only sliding in and out a few times— but as he feels her shifting and grinding into him, he speeds up— Spinel once again breathing dramatically. She moans— “ah, ah, ah, ah, ah—“ as he goes faster— only to slow down so he can go deeper— and she lets out another moan in pleasure— only for him to speed up again, causing high-pitched whines to come out of her, Steven’s fingers absolutely drenched in Spinel. He arches her back as she moans between cut breaths, coming into his fingers after several swift thrusts. He keeps his two fingers inside as she jolts, wanting to comfort her while she’s so intimate and vulnerable for him perhaps, and he finally slides out, letting Spinel wet herself, staining her panties with come.

She purrs.

Steven plants a deep kiss on her forehead and grunts as he reaches the tissue box above his bed, and takes multiple tissues— he takes a moment to slide his hand down her crotch, feeling her wet panties, stroking them to feel her moisture one last time— his promise to her. “Mmnh— mhh—“ she mumbles as he strokes up and down her widely, and her voice cracks as she comes the last of her into him. Steven wipes the come between her thighs and wipes his hands, throwing the tissues on the floor to clean for later. 

He brings her into an embrace again— and as he does so he slides his hand up her stomach and fondles her breasts, relaxing her after the intense session. She’s finally calmed down, quietly breathing— a bit sweetly for him, as she smiles, pleased to be in his arms again— but Steven still feels guilty for scaring her like that. 

“I’m sorry, Spinel. Of course I’ll never leave you...  no matter how difficult your sister is,” he says as he caresses her breast.

“You p-pwomise?” she muffles as her lips are pressed against his shoulders, the last of her tears streaming down her cheek. 

“I promise.”

He’s too attached to Hana. He can’t let her go, even if Yuna is insufferable.

And oh, does he hope he can keep that promise.

Steven sighs as he concludes his massage, and they both fidget so Spinel can lean on his shoulder while he lays on his back, lying beside him as they pant together, exhausted from their playdate. Steven’s arm is under her, and he’s fiddling with her pigtail. He looks at the ceiling— the fan moving— and he shuts his eyes in discomfort as he remembers his trauma— beginning to sweat— suddenly clinging into Hana tight, and she gasps as he digs his nails onto her— but he calms himself down at the realization of the new memory.

That’s what this is, isn’t it. He’s simply reliving each day, creating new memories with Spinel. A bad memory with Yuna, only for Hana to take over the next day and make everything better. And like Steven, she’s meant to fix everything. 

And like Yuna, he’s capable of destroying everything, too. 

They really are perfect for each other, feeding their endless loop. Making mistakes and fixing them over and over again, exactly like he wanted.

Isn’t that messed up.

Steven looses his grip on her and lets the fan breeze his face, relaxing him. He can’t bear to think what life would be like without Hana. He fears that his theories of Yuna trying to take over the body are true... and so he tells her, concluding their play session:

“Hana.”

“Hm?”

“Promise me you won’t ever leave me either, right,” he mutters, referring to Spade’s current dominance over the system— that may soon become permanent as Clover is unavailable to mediate.

Spinel nuzzles into his chest, sighing.

“I promise.”


	79. Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofd, enjoy  
> please comment :^)

Spinel and Steven laughed as he gave her a piggyback ride down the stairs and across the living room, eager to take a bath together— kissing her repeatedly until they get there.

Steven shushes Spinel as he puts her down, as Spinel had been giggling uncontrollably, and he shuts the door behind them. 

Steven sighs in relief as the glass shards and blood from last night had been cleaned up, likely by Pearl. 

Oh, Steven was definitely gonna get a scolding for that.

“What happened to the mirror?” Spinel asks, looking down as she curls her feet together. 

“Guess I wasn’t the fairest of them all, after all,” he jokes, and Spinel laughs. How’d he know she just loves fairy tales?

He turns on the faucet as Spinel hikes down her panties and pulls up her t-shirt, waiting for Steven patiently as he draws the bath for them. 

Steam fills the room as the water warms, and Steven himself begins undressing himself. As per usual, Spinel is the one to pour the soap, and swishing the water around playfully to form bubbles.

Steven smiles at her as he sits down and leans across the barrier, sighing dreamily. She was so innocent, still— why did he take away her virginity so soon? She was just so precious. 

Then again, as he watches her bend down and tilt her petite ass up that way, he really couldn’t help himself anymore. 

Steven and Spinel both nod to eachother as the bathtubs full and the bubbles are formed to the brim, and Steven stands and takes her hand to guide her in, step by step. 

He follows, and they both sit down in the tub beside eachother, staring at the wall as Spinel brings her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around it, the pair waiting for the steam to exfoliate their faces and moisten their hair patiently.

Steven looks down at her, gazing at her pout adorably, deep in thought. He can’t believe she and Yuna are the same person, sharing a body under a system. 

Speaking of the system. 

“Spinel...” he says as he swishes the water around to pass the time, creating more bubbles. “Can you explain to me your condition?”

“My condition?” she perks her head up to look at him— only to sigh sadly as she remembers she has Dissociative Identity Disorder. “Oh.”

“Don’t be ashamed at all, Spinel,” he rubs his leg against hers to comfort her. “It’s how you were born.” 

“I know,” she says, pressing her chin against her knees. “It’s just embarrassing, is all, really.” 

“No, it’s not... I know what it’s like to have a condition that ruins your life. None of this is really in your control, Hana. Or in Yuna or Spinel’s.”

“I just wish I were normal. Then maybe you would’ve liked us faster...”

”Spinel, this isn’t about me. It’s about you, your health, and your safety.”

She ignores him, knowing she needs to prioritize him as her Diamond. “I still think you’re better off with Connie. She makes you happier than I ever could. My playdates and tricks are gonna get old super quick, trust me. It’s happened over and over again,” she sighs.

“That’s not true at all. You make me happiest.”

“I do?”

“Of course. Nobody is as silly, sweet, and as kind-hearted as you, Hana. I love that about you.”

“Yeah, but nobody’s as mean as Yuna. You still have to deal with her.”

“And you make it all worth it,” he tells her as he scoots closer to her, holding her hand under the water. 

She blushes, looking down as he stares down at her, enamored.

“So you’re older than Yuna, huh?” he playfully nudges her.

Hana adorably scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“Ugh, yes! Yes I am! And she keeps lying, telling everyone that she’s older just because she’s taller!” she splashes the water as she rants, and Steven laughs.

He brings a hand to his cheek to continue admiring her. Oh, he loves her so much. 

“Oh, but she’s jealous of me. That’s why she keeps messing things up for me. She even forces me out just so she can talk to you instead. It’s not fair.”

“I don’t get why she’s jealous of you... aren’t you the same person, Spinel. Or ... are you different. You guys never explained this to me.” 

Spinel mumbles a bit as she gently brings his hand to her cheek, caressing it. “Mmn...” she whines in discomfort.

“Spinel, is there something you need to tell me.” 

“Mn... mm.”

He tries to lighten the mood for her. “Maybe I should’ve said... how’d you end up with Bubbles, Blossom, and Buttercup.”

“Huh? Oh. We’re just three long stories...” she says as she brushes her arm, avoiding his gaze, trying to avoid the subject.

But Steven needs answers, so he grows stern again. 

“Spinel. Are you, Spade, and Clover the same person.” 

She exhales, finally letting all her bottled-up feelings out. “Nhghrgh. Yes—“

Steven shuts his eyes and winces behind gritted teeth. 

He finally knows the truth. 

“How. You are so, so different from eachother.”

“I know, I know. I know we are. What happened was that... I split off of Spinel first after she first realized Pink didn’t love us anymore. Spinel, she has both our memories, and then Yuna came after me, after she...”

“Saw my message to the universe,” he sighs, sympathetically rubbing her thigh. She’s had to go through so much because of him, too. Not just his mother. 

“Mhm. We were just so betrayed. And, and angry to have been abandoned so carelessly. She had existed before, protecting me from Pink’s tantrums, but we became so angry, that we created a brand new, permanent alter— and oh, I was so excited— a new friend to play with! After it was just me and Spinel for so long! But when Yuna was born, she was so upset with her existence, she didn’t want to live anymore. She became so violent, she tried to s-shatter us by slamming our gem into a column, only to simply poof herself. We reformed a while later, but she was ready to get her revenge on you and your other friends. So, so different from me and Spinel.”

“But now you’re my friend, Spinel. My _best_ friend. Yuna doesn’t have a reason to be jealous anymore. You can be your own person now.”

“No... I can’t. No we can’t.”

“Huh?”

“It’s too late for that now. We’re... divided now. It’s just a little game Spinel played on her own in the garden that went wrong, that’s all! Just a teensy little mistake.”

“A game?”

“Yeah! Oh, it was so much fun. It’s not as good as tag and hide and seek, but—“

“Spinel—“

“She played it for hours and hours while she was standing alone, Spinel was like, really really good at it, and I had to join in—!“

“Spinel—“

“And then she wanted more players because she was so alone and sad, and I was like— you can’t seperate into three personalities, you’re one player! And she was like, that’s not a problem— I love new players!”

New players? 

Steven groans. He’s not sure how much more of this he can take.

“Look, Spinel, these few months have been great—“

“And we won the game! Three winners, and we all became the best of friends!”

“Spinel, please.”

“It was so amazing! We’d play for—“

“Can you just—“ 

“Oh, I was so excited!” she clasps her hands together, taking his with her. 

His face is flushed red, and he’s so frustrated with her, he blurts out— “Can you just talk to me for one second! Like a real person!”

He pants heavily, looking at her with furrowed brows.

Spinel freezes and puts his hand down. Steven looks down at her in confusion.

Spinel nearly chokes. 

“I’m. Not. A real person.” 

“What?”

“Haven’t we. I thought. Is this... not how it works?” she looks down at her hands. Their hands— Heart, Spade, and Clover’s.

“Are we supposed... to be real?” she whispers. 

Suddenly, Spinel flinches as whispers enter her head— and she brings her hands to her ears trying to block the voices out— no, trying to block her _own_ voice out.

Her own voice. 

“I’m. Not a real person, Steven,” she says as she starts crying. “I’m not real. I’m a dissociation. A figment of Spinel’s imagination. I’m a coping mechanism. And Yuna’s a defense mechanism. We’re a system, and Yuna and I both have roles to play. Spinel made me up in her head to comfort her. C-Comfort myself,” she admits. “M-Myself. There was nobody else to make me happy but myself—“ she finally accepts that they’re all the same person, and Steven’s pupils dilate in shock. “There was nobody else to protect me, but myself. Mnm.”

Steven seperates from her, a bit freaked out. Was everything he experienced with Hana and Yuna... a lie? Was he just giving into Spinel’s delusions? Her little game?

He starts hyperventilating. 

“Oh, god, this so weird you. You... you really are mentally ill.” 

He can’t believe this.

She is the same person. 

Spade and Heart... aren’t real. 

Their entire relationship has been a lie.

Oh, that’s funny! 

At least he found that entertaining.

Suddenly, Steven starts laughing uncontrollably. Spinel looks up, tears flowing out of her eyes, blinking up at him in confusion. 

“Why are you laughing.”

Then tears flow out of his eyes and he covers his face with his hand, breaking down crying. 

“Why are you crying.”

He wipes his tears and calms down. Finally, he knows the truth.

“How are we gonna make this work?”

“Tag?”

“What? No—“

“Hide and Seek?”

“No, us! We’re really, really different!” he says as his voice cracks.

Spinel brings her knees to her chest again, hugging herself as she looks back to the wall. “What... do we do now.”

There’s a pause, and they sit together in the tub in silence for a minute.

Steven takes her hand and prompts her to face him, sitting properly— and he wraps his arms around her, her breasts pressed upon his chest. Her gem over his. 

She leans over his shoulder and looks down at his back in shame.

“Let’s... just talk,” he says.

They hold eachother tight. 

“We really rushed into this,” he mutters, grazing her back.

“I know,” she holds him tighter, pressing her breasts against harder— making him lose his breath. “I just couldn’t help myself.”

“I... couldn’t either,” he gulps, sweating profusely under the bathroom steam. Her cheek pressed against his.

They really can’t resist each other.

And since their first encounter at the lighthouse, their faces against each other between her rejuvinator, it’s been that way since.

He dips his hand into the water and begins gliding his wet handup and down her stomach, cleaning her. She tilts her head up and sighs as they talk. 

“You’re not mad,” she says, as she sees he’s still gentle and affectionate with her despite her confession— he rubs into her breasts next.

Steven sighs as he massages her arms next. “No... I’m not. I’m glad I know the truth now. And I hope we can talk more about this... not only as best friends, or worst enemies, but as girlfriend and boyfriend. I just wish you told me sooner, before it got worse,” referring to Spade trying to kill him again— and now rape him.

“I’m sawry,” she says as her accent blurts out— her voice a bit raspy— but also a bit sweet— as Heart, Spade, and Clover apologize to him in unison. 

“Was this a plan.”

“No. What plan.”

“A plan to get me interested in you. A plan to get my attention. You knew I wanted a challenge after becoming savior, and you knew I needed love after Connie left me.”

Spinel stays quiet.

“Steven... I was made for Pink Diamond.”

“I know. What about it.” 

She grazes her hand down his stomach— past his chest hair— and plants her palm on his gem, _finally_ , making him flinch. “And I was made for you, too.”

“...Where are you going with this.” 

“Just as Pink needed a playmate to keep her company... you needed a best friend... and a worst enemy,” Steven’s breath hikes as she fans his neck, turning him on. 

She whispers in his ear— and he freezes. “Just as I was hers...”

“I’m yours, Steven.”

_Yes, I know that you’re not her but you were hers._

And now she’s _his_.

She’s... his.

Spinel is his.

Why... does that make Steven so unbelievably happy!

Steven holds her tight— but his grip on her weakens as he starts shaking— and he suddenly parts from her, and she sees him sobbing— he cups her cheeks, caressing her face as she smiles up at him— “you! you really are made for me!” he says as he kisses her abruptly and hugs her, closing his eyes. 

He freezes as he’s locked onto her in an embrace. “What have you done to me.” 

“Huh?”

“What. Have you done to me I. I’m. I’m totally obsessed with you. I have to be with you, f-for life, I think. I feel incomplete without you. I can’t live a second without you— I, I-I think I’m really, really in love with you,” he says as he helps her stand up. 

“Steven...” she says as she clings onto him, leaning on his chest. 

He picks up Spinel to carry her out the tub, and out the bathroom, flimsily covering her in towels— one hovering over her head like a veil. “Spinel... I— I can’t control myself anymore— I have to be with you. I _need_ to be with you. You were the missing piece all along.”

“With you, with Clover, and even Spade. We’re gonna get to Spade. And I’m going to make sure of it— I can make a plan.”


	80. Difference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROOFIED
> 
> thanks for 8,000 hits  
> and 600 comments  
> and 80 chapters :)
> 
> remember when this was supposed to be a series of one-shots lol? remember when i thought this fic was gonna be 25 chapters? then 45? only to be here at 80 and not be done yet lol?

Steven had carried Spinel back up the stairs to his bedroom, bridal style, to lay her back up on the bed. 

She’s wrapped in a towel and her hair is hidden under a veil, resembling a bride. 

His beautiful, dewy-eyed, fairy-tale bride, he realizes— and he smiled at the sight. 

That’s what she’s after, after all. 

Steven had laid beside her, caressing her soft cheek with a finger, admiring her. 

He himself began rocking his legs back and forth flirtatatiously like she would do, unknowingly, as it seems he’s got it bad for her, too. 

Maybe they really were a fairytale. 

But as Steven thinks back on the stories he read from Spinel’s book, he can’t help but grow anxious. These stories... they were so timeless, so ageless— they were such classics, read over and over again.

Frozen in time. 

Reread on a loop.

Just... like them.

Just like their relationship.

As Spinel plays with Steven’s hair, so, so affectionately and delicately— so unlike Yuna, he remembers he had been raped. 

What is it about Hana, who is Yuna, that makes him forget this trauma, even for a fleeting moment? 

Maybe he really was using her. 

So he had just been raped, like Sleeping Beauty. Like any defenseless, fair maiden in a tower would, really.

And he also has newborn twins, as represented in Rapunzel’s tale through Hana and Yuna. He asks himself... is he himself reliving all these stories? 

What’s next— is he gonna go blind, like Rapunzel’s prince? Or will he be poisoned, like Snow White? Or will he lose his toes, like Cinderella’s stepsisters— or go mad, like Alice? Lose his voice and become a human, like The Little Mermaid? 

Turn into a beast at last? 

Will these things happen to his precious princess Spinel, too?

Was his bride doomed to go mad, too? Become poisoned, lose her voice, or turn into a beast? Go blind, or lose her toes? 

He shudders at the thought. 

Maybe he has to help. 

He can make a difference, perhaps.

He looks down at the resting Spinel, waiting for him so daintily. 

He leans closer her and plants a kiss on her lips— pressing into her for a fleeting moment— only to part, in hopes he cured her curse. 

But all Spinel does is giggle, revealing Heart at full-force, meaning he didn’t break any spell after all. 

How is it possible that Heart and Spade were the same person?

He sighs, grumbling a bit.

“So you’re the same person then. You’re all Spinel.”

Spinel groans quietly. “Mmnm. Yes. But in some aspects, no. And that should be respected, I think!”

“Oh? How come?”

“Well... now that we’re like, officially a system— each alter with a purpose— we also have our own memories from now on, too. I have the experiences of Spinel’s life in the palace, whereas Spade’s experiences are those of Spinel’s life when she saw you in the garden!”

“And then she split off from Spinel, and we finally became a functioning system— but every time we switch, we lose our memories and start over like we’re different people now. But either way we already existed before we met you, we just didn’t come out of dormancy and become solidified until recently!”

“When did Spade split off from Spinel?” he asks, genuinely intrigued.

“When she officially fell in love with you, silly!” she grins.

“When was that?”

“Um, when you sang with her under the moon, of course! That was like, so romantic, heheh! That was totally the happiest I’ve ever seen her ever... when she was finally with you! And maybe even happier than I was with Pink, methinks...” she mumbles. 

Steven sighs. 

Spade really was in love with him.

And he pushed her away, the old haggard, and rejected her for Heart— the beautiful enchantress— only for them to be the same person.

And now, at the hands of a single pale rose, he’s cursed to become a beast forever: Pink Diamond. 

Isn’t that messed up. 

Steven wasn’t going to be wooing Spade anytime soon, he’s concluded. So he might as well treasure his time with Heart, who seems to like his new do, as she keeps massaging his floofy, pastel hair.

He hears her hum.

“Mmn... you’re like a rose,” she mumbles, fluffing it up now— as if it wasn’t becoming poofy enough. Steven chuckles, staring at her. 

“...And you’re my little petal,” he whispers as he dips into her again— only to cup her cheeks, furrowing his brows in focus. Spinel sighs and grazes his as well— and soon they insert their tongues inside eachother’s mouth and begin their makeout session, Spinel’s head buried in her pillow. 

He places his tongue under hers only to suck at it and kiss her again, he then slides his tongue over hers, massaging it— only to once again remove it and kiss her moist lips. He does this in repetition, switching angles, and she softly moans into him— only for him to intensify his insertions and swirl his tongue around hers— and she swirls hers around his playfully— and as much as they can’t resist eachother— after sliding their tongues in and out of their flattened tongues— they finally part with a thin trail of glittering saliva, concluding their session. 

He kisses her one last time, so tenderly and warmly, and he himself massages her hair now. 

“Love you.” 

Spinel cups his cheeks again and begins kissing and nipping at his neck, and he embraces her— sighing as she does so, mewling adorably at each nibble. He leans his head for her to expose more of his neck, and he sighs in relaxation, relieved from all the stress from the past few days since returning to Beach City. She concludes with one peck on his lips— their lips sticking onto eachother, and Steven lays on the bed with her, lying on her chest, rubbing his finger on the towel on her chest in thought. 

He wonders why Spade violated him when she was meant to be the system’s protector, as Heart told him she was.

Is it because she knew he was potentially a danger to Spinel and saw through his Diamond self. Knew he wanted to... hurt her. 

Did she do that to scare him off after he tried to sleep with her. 

Maybe he did deserve that. Maybe Spade was just watching out for her little— I mean, big— sister. He was visibly becoming a monster and all— even if Heart doesn’t see it— there’s no denying that. 

Is that why Spade likes Lars so much.

Because he also resembles his mother somewhat, replacing that image of him for good. 

He wonders if Heart would like that too. If he finally embraced his Diamond heritage and became a prince, rosy curls and all. 

Of course she would. She loved Pink Diamond, even if she saw her in rose-tinted glasses despite all her abuse, neglect, and mistreatment.

He has to press her for more answers.

“Spinel... I love you the way you are, but,” he murmurs as he nuzzles against her, “do you think you’ll ever integrate your personalities and become one person again?”

“You don’t like me?” she frowns.

Steven flinches and looks up at her, leaning his chin on her. “No, no. That’s not what I meant,” he tells her as he massages her breast, kissing her gem, only to return to lying on her like before after a few rubs.

“Of course not. I adore you,” he continues massaging her, trailing down to her abdomen. “I just... worry, for you. What Yuna could do to you two. I know you see the good in her, but Yuna... is really dangerous, Spinel.” 

“And so are we.”

“Pff, no you’re not.”

“Oh but we are. Yuna and I represent Spinel’s intrusive thoughts and desires. Her impulses and her wishes.”

“...You do?”

“Mhm! When I met you, I jumped on top of you and told you how excited I was to meet you, and we played! Don’t you remember? We had so much fun!” Steven groans at the memory rocking him up and down as she tied him up. “But when Spade met you, she kicked you in the face, heheh. And then she played a not-so-nice game and poofed your friends... and that just made me so sad! So when I was reset, I was determined to change Spinel for the better, and make you happy as your best friend... just as Spade was determined to change Spinel for the worse, and make you sad as your worst enemy, —sigh—.”

“So... you two are just two different ways of thinking and reacting?” 

“Yup! You can really tell the difference, heheh. While I was really excited to play with you because you were really really really cute—even though I didn’t know you, I could just tell how sad and lonely you were and wanted to help!— But... Spade thought you were a threat, because you’re Pinkie’s son— which is like, so silly because you’re so nice and sweet!— and was determined to defeat you. While deep down, all along Spinel wanted to be your friend because of my loving presence... but of course, Spade wanted to hurt you real bad— and your other friends. So Spinel was so conflicted with herself, unsure what to do to you, until you saw the good in us! You knew we were good!” she smiles. 

_What am I doing? Why do I wanna hurt you so bad? I'm supposed to be a friend. I just wanna be a friend_ , he remembers Spinel saying that to him under the injector two years ago.

Heart and Spade were really within her all along, then. That’s why she was so confused with her emotions towards him. While Heart wanted to be his friend, Spade only wanted to hurt him. 

Isn’t that messed up. 

“Because of you, we could finally change. Neither for the good, or for the worse... we could finally be Spinel!” she cheers, and Steven can’t help but smile. “But...” she taps her fingers together. “That’s when we went dormant, Yuna and I. Spinel felt so comforted by the Diamonds, so protected in the palace, we weren’t needed anymore! Spinel spent the past two years without us— and we were just reduced to vengeful— and loving— thoughts in her head. But of course, she doesn’t get ‘em anymore.” 

Steven sighs. That’s right. She didn’t get them anymore. She conquered her opposing thoughts.

She really did change, like she promised him.

“But then she decided to come here, with you! And I was so super excited, duh, and Spade was so super not-excited, heheh. But then Pearl triggered a memory— the memory of when we thought you were gonna rejuvinate us— and because of that, she provoked us to resurface! Her coping— and her defensive— mechanism: Heart and Spade, heh! But of course, the power of love is stronger, and I just had to say hi to you! And it was really really important to try to befriend you, that way Yuna could see the good in you! But... then we saw that Pearl really did try to reset us, so Spade finally appeared, set to hurt you... but then I came out again to keep you company while you were tied up! And that’s when the system officially started and we began switching alters regularly, cyclically supporting and protecting Spinel...”

“Isn’t that lovely?” she says, blinking up at him.

And... supporting and protecting eachother, Steven realizes. As Spade protects Heart— Heart comforts Spade in return.

That’s why Hana loves Pink Diamond so much, and exactly why Yuna hates her. Yuna, as her protector, blocked out all the neglect and abuse they faced from Pink— causing Hana to see her with rose-colored glasses... while Yuna was the one who absorbed all that trauma. That’s why she became so violent once she was officially an alter, because she saw Pink for her true colors.

Spade... can’t exist without Heart— after all, who does she have to protect— and Heart can’t exist without Spade, who blocks out any trauma— and is responsible for keeping her happy, allowing her to help others, too.

They, themselves, are on loop, too.

So who is he to try to seperate them? They can’t survive without eachother— and despite their conflicts, they love eachother, deep down. They just have unusual ways of expressing that to eachother, that’s all— and Steven’s the one who has to mediate now.

Spinel... needs her alters. She needs this system. She needs someone to comfort her— as she cried so, so much in the garden, as evidenced by her scars— but she also needed protection, as she was left weak and alone and defenseless.

Steven can’t help but get excited at the thought of Yuna training in the garden with her scythe, becoming the powerful warrior she is today. And he smiles as he realizes it was Hana who was consoling Spinel the entire time after she realized she was abandoned. 

Spinel was alone, sure. 

But much like Garnet— she’s never alone. And Steven now acknowledges that. 

He can’t seperate the girls.

He can’t change Spinel. He can’t cure her illness. 

But he _can_ get to Yuna and solve things once and for all— confront her about her wrongdoings towards him— Hana— and Spinel— and finally make a difference. 


	81. Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven takes a stand against Spade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROOFD, enjoy

Steven Universe had to take a stand. 

He had to confront Spade, Spinel’s violent alter, for all her wrongdoings these past few months. Her attempts to injure him, to hurt him, to kill him, to manipute him— to rape him. 

He needed to get all of these answers—tonight. He needed to take a stand. 

But first, he has to wait in line at the popsicle stand.

Steven pulls out cash from his wallet as Heart waited for him on the bench— he pays for a large popsicle, given to him by Larimar, of course, for them to share together. He makes his way over there, where Heart is seen kicking her legs playfully as she waits. 

They were on the boardwalk on this fine spring day, and decided to spend the day together in the sun. 

Steven sits down— and Spinel moves over to sit on his lap, facing him.

“Spinel...” he grits his teeth, anxious as people are staring at them. “We’re in public...”

“Too bad,” she says as she daintily dips onto him— giving him a tiny, butterfly kiss— and he can’t help but blush and pucker his tiny lips as she pecks him, furrowing his brow.

They part, and Steven exhales as Spinel admires him. 

He opens the popsicle and holds it between them— at Spinel’s insistence, they were going to share it. Spinel softens her gaze to begin nipping at it, and Steven follows, sucking on it— and of course, they look at eachother as they do this.

They lick at the popsicle together, and Spinel can’t help but sigh as they do this, relieving her dehydration on the warm day. She stares directly at Steven with hooded eyes— but then she goes back to their popsicle— and Steven can’t help but feel a bit territorial. He wants her to look at him, instead. 

He quickens the pace as they eat more of the popsicle, fanning their faces with their cool breaths after every shared lick. Their noses nearly touch eachother, and Spinel opens her mouth to sensually lick it— and oh, how Steven wishes she would kiss her like that— the popsicle melts in Steven’s hand— and Spinel takes notice— so she begins licking and suctioning his hand, cleaning it. 

“Spinel...”

She then lowers the popsicle in front of him, and opens her mouth to suck on it, up and down as he holds it. Steven blushes intensely— avoiding her gaze for a moment— but he quickly becomes entranced as she bobs her head repetitively, thrusting. She’s deeply focused on the popsicle, and begins to slide up and down faster— Steven stammering— “Sp-Spinel, please— t-that’s too much.” 

She moans as she does so, and she parts from the popsicle only to nip and trail her tongue up and down it, glaring intently at Steven, taunting his feeble boy-heart.

That’s it. 

“Forget the popsicle.” 

And so he drops it to the floor and holds Spinel by the cheeks, pressing against her harshly as he furrows his brow— immediately inserting his cold tongue in her mouth, warming eachother after licking together. She looks down at him, holding him by the shoulders, as she reciprocates— and after switching angles aggressively, he finally alternates and shuts his eyes— sucking on her lips— only to finally conclude by nipping at her— parting with a dramatic sigh. 

They stare at eachother, Spinel looking at him a bit sternly— but she’s not done yet. She dips at him again to rub her tongue against his, going in slow, circular motions as she sighs and moans into him. She’s looking at him the entire time she does this— and Steven can’t help but get flustered by her dominance, which is so unlike Heart— and he parts after a few minutes of tongue-swirling as his breath hikes— and he holds his hand to his chest as he pants dramatically, composing himself after the intense make out.

That really was too much. 

Spinel licks her thumb and wipes off the strawberry juice from his face— making him blush in embarrassment. “Spinel... I can clean myself,” but she ignores him, finishing him off. She licks the area around her lips and smacks her lips, concluding. 

It was late in the afternoon, and the carnival was closing for the day, so they found themselves in a nearly empty boardwalk as the sun sets. 

Spinel takes his hand, and begins sucking each of his fingers. He shuts his eyes and tilts his head, his lip quivering— “Sp-Spinel, please,” but nevertheless she continues, ignoring his please— thrusting quickly, up and down, only to switch to the next one— and she licks the final finger by gliding her tongue up and down it— and she looks up at him as she finishes, and he gulps. 

She’s done cleaning him. 

But not done with him, as she cleans closer to him to nip at his neck— licking it only to suck on it, kissing him only to give him a hickey. He holds her by the waist and pants and sweats profusely— and as Spinel trails kisses up and down his cheek and neck, she starts grinding against him in his seat. 

“Spinel...” he whispers as his voice cracks— but she simply goes faster, provoking his erection as she goes deeper— and after multiple thrusts and shared groans— Steven holds her ass tight and grinds against her as well, giving in, and they thrust against eachother, satisfying their shared arousal for a minute or two, shifting in their seats. He buries his face in her neck as she so daintily clings onto him— her posture perfect as she thrusts, as she was raised as a royal to— and as he buries his lips down her neck to plant weak kisses on her— he sighs and flops on her shoulder as they conclude— Steven rubbing her arm up and down, drenched in sweat. Spinel gently sweeps the wet hair off his forehead, tucking his curls behind his throat as he pants, exhausted.

His face is flushed, and his lips are strawberry red.

“F-Fuck. Let’s just go home, Spinel. Finish there— I can’t take this anymore,” he whines as she nuzzles into his chest in circular motions, comforting him.

“I can’t... Yuna wants to be with Lars tonight, so she’s fronting soon. You’re supposed to drop her off, remember?” she reminds him. Steven sighs as he presses his cheek against her chest, hugging her. He pouts. “I know.” 

Spinel lightly steps off of the bench and patiently waits for Steven to lift himself up. He takes off his jacket and holds onto it, as he holds Spinel with his other hand, walking back to the car together.

They both go in, and Steven groans as she steps in, and he takes a moment to sigh and recline on the seat, composing himself. He wipes the sweat off his face, preparing to drive her to Lars’s house. 

He drives, turning on the A.C.. 

“Sometimes... I wish Yuna weren’t in the system, hah. That way I could have you all to myself,” he tells her. 

Steven looks down— flustered, but a bit offended. “Don’t say that... I love Yuna. I need her.”

He sighs. “I know... just know I need you, too.” 

Maybe even more than she does.

After several minutes, they finally arrive at the front of Lars’s house. Steven looks down at Hana and leans towards her— and she leans up to him— and they kiss under closed eyes as Hana has to prepare to switch alters for the night.

They had been doing this regularly, with Steven spending the day with Hana, only for her to switch alters and become Yuna, so she can be with Lars. 

Steven holds her hand for a moment and sighs, rubbing her finger with her thumb. “I’ll see you later, okay?” she says. 

Steven takes his iPhone and opens up his music app, scrolling through the songs as he finally picks Yuna’s favorite— and he plays it inside his new car, connected to the bluetooth speakers.

Heavy metal music plays, and Steven extends his hand for her— and Hana grips it hand in discomfort. He watches her sternly as she begins blinking rapidly in front of him, dissociating. She whimpers a bit, and she blinks so much she seems to start tearing up. 

“Mmnnn...” she whines. 

Steven shuts his eyes. Oh, he hates seeing her suffer so much just so Yuna can get in Lars’s pants for a night.

Hana’s hyperventilating, squeezing his hand tight— and she finally calms down, panting— and shuts her eyes. 

There’s a pause as she breathes heavily... and finally, after a minute, she blinks her eyes open, changing alters. 

Gritting her teeth at the sight of her inside Steven’s fancy new car, psh, Lars’s is way nicer— she has the best makeout sessions on the beachside cliff there with him, Yuna is now fronting.

Yuna glares at Steven and swiftly takes her hand off him, and opens the door to hop off and she slams it loudly behind her— Steven flinching as he shuts his eyes in annoyance— twitching his brow— and she walks up to Lars who was waiting at the entrance to kiss him. 

Bitch. 

** 

Several hours had passed, and after Steven had taken a nap at home, doing some work, scheduling classes for Homeschool. He had also been... brainstorming something, as there are multiple papers with notes and paragraphs surrounding him, crumpled into pieces as he scraps each one, tossing them into the trashcan.

Maybe they’re ideas on how to get to Spade, finally.

He was driving up to Lars’s house, Hana’s music paused. He leans back and reclines on his seat as he waits for Spinel, as he knows she’s gonna take forever. He grumbles as he fidgets, purring as he shuts his eyes, burying his hands in the pockets of his letterman jacket. 

After fifteen minutes, Steven winks an eye open and cocks an eyebrow, intrigued, as he sees Spinel exit the front door. She outstretches her legs to kiss Lars, flirtatiously hiking her legs up, revealing her sleek, new boots— ones Lars likely just gifted her, of course— and she buries her hands in Lars’s leather jacket as she makes her way back to Steven’s car. 

Lars zips up his jeans, and Spinel’s hair is considerably messy. He can also see that Spinel’s braless— meaning she left behind her bra as a little house-warming gift to him. 

Probably sleeping together again. She usually looks messed up once she leaves his house when he picks her up.

They were definitely intimate with eachother at this point— he can tell by all the sexting they’ve had together, he recalls as he scrolls through their text messages on his phone. 

They’re so fucking weird. 

Yuna opens the door and bends down and lunges herself in the car, sitting down, not even facing Steven. She flutters her fingers as she waves goodbye to Lars, grinning and snickering, and he shuts the door and turns off the porch light as it’s nighttime. 

Spinel exposes her hands and admires her nails, painted black now. 

Hana’s not gonna be too happy about that. She hates black, just as Yuna hates pink. 

Or should I say, hates Pink?

Steven had been responding to his school e-mails, scrolling through his phone. After a minute, Spinel breaks the silence. Are they gonna leave, or?

“...Aren’t cha gonna play Hana’s dumb fuckin’ bubblegum k-pop n’ shit so we can fin’lly switch n’ leave. She’s crazy about BTS, or whatever the fuck,” she says as she reclines on the seat and twitches her nose, ready to dissociate. “Won’t freakin’ shut up about it, drives me batshit,” she mumbles as she closes her eyes to relax. 

“No. We need to talk, Yuna.”

“Talk ‘bout fuckin’ what. I ain’t got shit ta’ say ta’ ya,” she crudely mutters as she hikes her new boots up on the glovebox. Steven grits his teeth and rolls his eyes, as the car is brand new— a late present from his dad. But obviously she doesn’t give a fuck about that. She doesn’t give a fuck about anything. He’s fed up at this point, and wishes she’d just leave him already. 

He feels the only reason Yuna’s willing to be on Earth now is to be with Lars. 

And of course, he shares a body with his girlfriend. So that won’t be happening anytime soon. But as much as he dislikes Lars now, he can’t help but feel grateful to him for taking Spinel off his hands for a few hours per day, now that he’s off of space-duty. 

Huge weight off his shoulders.

He still has no idea Spinel is a system. He’s totally enamored with Spade and her dark makeup, rebellious attitude, and snarky attitude— but will he like Hana? 

Steven finally confronts her. 

“Why’d you do it.”

“Do fuckin’ what. I ain’t do shit.” 

“Violate me in my sleep when I told you not to, Spinel.”

“Pfff. That was all you, buddy!”

Spinel rolls her eyes as he doesn’t laugh. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” She groans as she lowers the window and takes out a cigarette box, lighting one as she leans her elbow on the windowsill. She tchs as she brings the cigarette to her mouth, inhaling and exhaling smoke. Steven can’t help but cover his mouth and cough, uncomfortable. 

A little surprise gift from Lars in her new jacket pocket, it seems. Poor Hana. No wonder her breath smells so bad when they kiss. It’s all nicotine. 

“So. Why’d you do it.”

“Ta’ teach you a fuckin’ lesson.”

“What lesson.” 

“Put cha’ in your place. So ya know not ta’ trivialize our trauma anymore.”

“When did I do that. I’m the only one that’s helping you with that.”

“When ya joked about makin’ us stand still in tha’ garden ta’ ya dumb fuckin’ broad of an ex-cunt via Skype, Universe,” she mumbles as she smokes, exhaling. “Don’t think I’m fuckin’ stupid! I ain’t as braindead as Bubbles,” she taps the cigarette outside the window. 

Steven flushes red, and he grits his teeth as he can’t believe she has the nerve to say that about Hana in front of him— after all Hana has done for her. He digs his nails onto his wrist and drags her hand up so she lifts her ass off the seat, wincing in pain.

He scowls. “Listen here, Spinel. I’m not tolerating any more disrespect towards your sister. You should be grateful to her for giving you a roof over your head, as if it weren’t for her relationship with me you’d still be jestering for the Diamonds,” he mutters, intimidating her as she’s forced to raise her hand up, totally powerless under him now.

She shuts her eyes, and he sighs as he lets go, unable to bring himself to be so cruel to her— and she pants in relief, relieved of pain. “F-Fuck you.”

Spinel reaches out to grab the door handle so she can go back to Lars, but Steven grips her arm and swiftly locks the car so she can’t leave. She growls and buries herself back in her seat, shimmying down, giving up. She starts getting pissed, and to top it off, she kicks the glovebox with her boot, scratching it. 

Steven simply ignores her tantrum, visibly exhausted, and starts driving away from Lars’s neighborhood. She looks out the window as Lars’s house fades into the distance, and Steven lowers the window, forcing her to throw out her cig. 

“Where we goin’,” she asks.

“Out.”

***

Steven drives up to the cliff overlooking Beach City and parks, Spinel leaning her cheek on the window, unwilling to face him. 

“You gonna drag me ta’ the woods ta’ murder me, is it? Hahaha, oh— ‘bout time.”

Steven lets out a dry chuckle, making her anxious. “No.” 

Instead, he’s finally going to take a stand.

“Why. Did you do it. Spinel.”

“Aw, what’s the matta’, Stevie? Was it that bad? Did I mess you up real bad? Set cha’ back? ...Good,” she says behind gritted teeth, scowling.

“Answer me,” he says he grips her thighs, digging his nails into her skin.

“F-Fuck— fine,” she sighs, hiking her boots up the glove compartment. He tries to shove her off, but she smacks him, and he retreats. 

There’s no winning with her, honestly.

She begins after taking a breath.

“I wanted ya ta’ know what it feels. Ta’ be so traumatized, so violated, so abused, that you can’t process any a it, an’ it gets so intense and outta ya control ya can’t fuckin’ move. That’s exactly what happened ta’ Heart— and I know you wanna break her, just ta’ have somethin’ ta fix again, an’ I won’t fuckin’ let you do that ta’ Dolly.” 

Dolly? 

So she does love her sister, then.

That’s a relief. 

Spinel continues.

“I want cha’ ta know what it’s like ta’ stand still as an animal in an enclosure as part of a menagerie. Scrutinized an’ violated torturously for someone’s pleasure. I want cha’ to know how dehumanizin’ an’ humiliatin’ wha’ she did ta’ us was.”

Steven buries himself in his seat, holding his breath— she continues, intensifying he moment.

“I want cha’ ta’ feel so sick, so nauseous, you want ta’ puke— but ya can’t, because ya gotta sit still n’ look pretty for ya superior. You wanna scream, you wanna cry, but you gotta comply and look like a doll ‘cause you’re nothin’ but a playmate, and if you don’t obey you get punished. Ya want ta’ move, ya want ta’ run away, you want ta’ save yourself, but you can’t, because you’re so vulnerable and weak at that point, only ta’ finally realize you always have been. You’ve always been weak!”

Steven exhales. What Spinel did to him made him feel the weakest and most vulnerably he’s ever felt, she realizes. All she’s saying actually worked.

“I want cha’ to know what it’s like to feel betrayed so cruelly— to be treated as an object. A used toy. A ragdoll thrown away like your ma’ treated us. Just like we were your mommy’s lil’ playmate, for one night you were fuckin’ mine. I did it because I wanted ya ta’ know what it was like to be forced ta’ do somethin’ against ya will, repetitively. All with a smile on ya face ta’ please ‘em, never showin’ discomfort. I saw how you gave in ta’ me— fucked me— thrusted alongside me even though I was rapin’ ya. That’s exactly how we felt. We were so dependant, so obsessed, so in love wit’ cha ma’, we didn’t realize we was bein’ abused and violated the whole time. Our love for her was a goddamn ADDICTION, an’ just like you, we couldn’t stop fucking thrusting. We couldn’t. Stop thrusting. No matter how hard we resisted. No matter how bad she hurt us. We thought that was love. Well it fuckin’ ain’t— it never was. Our love with Pink wasn’t real, and neither is your love wit’ Hana. It’s a goddamn loop, an’ Hana’s still stuck in it relivin’ her Diamond Days like befoar, because she’s the one wit’ the happy memories, and now that we’re outta the palace, she wants that back ‘cause she can’t accept change. But I’mma get her out ‘cause it’s my job ta’ save her. Save her from corrupt an’ evil Diamonds like _you!”_ she points.

Steven freezes.

“I did it because I wanted you ta’ see what it was like ta’ be truly alone, knowin’ that everyone fuckin’ loves ya so much, and ya got it so easy wit’ cha lovin’ family on your lil’ nowhere planet! Well we didn’t have that. We had ta’ make our own family from goddamn scratch. You musta felt so lonely and abandoned that night, like we did for six thousand fuckin’ years. That’s why I fuckin’ did it ta’ ya, an’ I don’t regret a fuckin’ thing.” 

“We think about our trauma everyday, n’ I know you sweep it under tha’ rug ‘cause all we did was stand, but it’s not like that. It felt like a fucking rape. It was defilin’, humiliatin’,degradin’, an’ inhumane. We were so shocked ta’ have been abandoned, an’ Hana was so shocked ta’ have realized she had been abused by her ‘lovin’’ master tha’ whole time, she fucking froze. She froze. She couldn’t process it, so she froze so she could forget. She didn’t wanna move forward with her life, knowin’ it’d be without Pink, so she froze and obeyed anyway thinkin’ playin’ Pink’s game would finally make her happy. She froze so she could relive her happiest moments with Pink in her head n’ block out all the bad shit for the rest a her days. I’M the one who absorbed all the bad shit just so Hana could be happy, ‘cause I’m stronger, but ‘cha think I’m such a problem ‘cause a my tantrums and outbursts, that I can’t control myself. That’s because of all the goddamn trauma and stress we faced— and now you’re experiencin’ it too! I see you’re havin’ those too, now—“ she says as she twists her arm and reminds Steven of the scratches he made on her skin—“embarassing, ain’t it? A monster raped you, destroyed you, yet you find yourself becomin’ one instead, hurtin’ others without meaning ta. Far from your actual morals. Far from it. And everyone shifts the blame on you, convincin’ you you’re insane... Ain’t that right, Steven.”

She’s right. Everything she’s saying is right. This is exactly what she went through as Heart became Spade, and Steven simply saw her as a monster, when in actuality it was his mother who was the whole time. And as Steven’s Diamond powers intensify, the same is happening to him now.

“Fuck you an’ your ma’. Hana’s submissive and lovin’ towards ya ‘cuz she thinks she owes you somethin’ for givin’ her life, and now a betta’ home. Hana loves you ‘cause she doesn’t remember the abuse wrought upon her by your ma’— and now you! She sees you just as beautiful as “she was,” she says mockingly, mimicking Heart, “and she’s wit’ cha ‘cause she hopes you become exactly like her— and you are becoming like her, wit’ your fuckin’ rosy hair. Hana sees ya through rose-tinted glasses, as some benevolent healer who’s come to save her from our problems, her ‘Prince Charmin’ who rescued us from the stupid screen from the garden. She latched onto ya cuz you was the first person she saw in six thousand years.... But I see you for who you really are! Hana loves ya because you’re your ma’s, or you’re your ma or whatever the fuck, and you’re all she’s ever known. You’re all she’s ever loved. Well guess what— not me, I found love in Lars, who actually treats me betta’ an’ wants me around, unlike you. And because a that, I ain’t submittin’ ta’ fuckin’ nobody. NOBODY, and I don’t owe you FUCKING SHIT! YOU TELL ME I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL I HAVE A ROOF OVER MY HEAD ‘CAUSE HANA DEPENDS ON YA, BUT I KNOW IT’S ‘CAUSE YOU DEPEND ON HER MORE, AIN’T IT. You NEED her ta’ have a purpose an’ ta’ feel in control again, ‘because you’re a fucking freak an’ an abusa’ and you have a savior complex. You got nobody else but cha’ innocent, lovin’, stupit’ li’l’ trophy wife. But I’ll never love you—“ she laughs dryly— “Hahah, oh, instead a killin’ ya,like I’ve always wanted, I want ta’ see ya slowly rot instead, I’ve finally decided, an’ I’m overjoyed you’re doomed ta’ become a Diamond— a beast— for the rest a ya days now because a me! I’ve never felt more goddamn satisfied! And it’s all because a my faded feelin’s towards ya, once an’ for all. Oh, it’s that easy!”

“I—“

Spinel spits on the floor of Steven’s car, and he flinches. 

“Fuck you.”

She scowls, only to look away. Spinel leans her head back on the windowsill and looks at the night sky from the cliff. Waiting for Steven to take her back to Lars’s place, she hopes.

She hopes that as Spade, she scared him away from the system for good. 

But how was Steven going to get rid of Spade for good, who’s making his happily ever after with Spinel impossible.

“I know ya confronted me ta’ take a stand against me. Feel in control again. Prove ta’ yourself what a monsta’ I am ‘cuz you’re so fuckin’ sanctimonious, you think you can’t possibly do no wrong cuz’ you’re our fuckin’ savior. The savior of the galaxy...!” she waves her fingers in the air, making fun of him childishly. Steven rolls his eyes.

“Since you change for the better, and I only change for the worse,”— she jeers in a high pitched voice, copying him. — “When in reality, this was all me standin’ up for myself. For her. For us. Against you and your ma’, for fuckin’ good. You’re the goddamn monster, and I wanted ya ta’ finally know that! You didn’t need no goddamn curse ta’ turn into a beast, you were already well on ya way there when we fuckin’ met cha! Hell, some might say you already are one, tch,” she says as she leans her palm on her cheek, looking away.

It’s dead silent, with Spinel only hearing the muffled fans from the A.C.

Suddenly, Spinel hears muffled tears and sniffles— and turns around to see Steven crying behind quivering lips, tears strolling down his face. He’s shaking. 

She’s never seen him cry before.

She rolls her eyes. “Oh, cut the shit, you fuckin’ pansy. You’re just upset ‘cuz someone finally saw through ta’ ya! You love knowin’ that your ma’ hurt Hana. You love knowin’ it was your gemsake that did that ta’ her, and that you’re the one who has the fuckin’ privilege a continuin’ that disgustin’ legacy. It’s in your fuckin’ code ta’ exploit an’ take advantage a others! You love breakin’ her, and you love bein’ the one ta fuckin’ fix her to make you feel like a good person for a minute, when you know you’re bad. Bet if somethin’ horrible were ta’ happened ta’ her you’d let it happen, that way it’s your problem ta’ resolve, and that just results in her kissin’ your feet again, praising ya for your fuckin’ mercy as her creator and savior. I know you’re an arrogant an’ egotistical piece a shit. Go fuck yourself.” 

“I-I— no, I love Hana.”

Spinel tilts her head and scowls. “You don’t fuckin’ love her. You like the idea a her. The idea a your mommy’s servant, one a her lost treasures, in your arms ta’ manipulate, abuse, an’ control. ‘Cuz she belongs to ya. You wanna “protect” her. You love her ‘cuz she’s all you’ve got left of that fuckin’ broad you love so much, deep down you love her. You love how submissive and dependant Hana is, when Connie AIN’T and actually thinks for herself, and can go months without cha’, makin’ you feel insignificant, when you’ve spent so much time up on a pedestal for bein’ the son a Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz, and you can’t fucking stand it. You can’t stand not bein’ superior in the relationship, you can’t stand not gettin’ attention, because you’ve felt inferior your whole life as the rut a the Crystal Gems until now, but now that the war is over, you have no purpose! Don’t cha. DON’T YOU, STEVEN.”

Steven shuts his eyes in defeat. “Yes,” he mutters.

“Pathetic. Your lil’ mommy was exactly the fuckin’ same—“ she grits her teeth and her voice grows raspier, far from Heart’s melodic voice—“she herself was the rut a the Diamonds, tha’ family fuck-up, and she abused us ta’ feel superior. Can’t believe I didn’t realize until now that you’re one and the same, pff. And now that your hair is almost fully pink, you’ve proven ta’ me that you really are.”

“Stop, don’t. Don’t say that—“ his voice cracks, and he’s so weak and frail right now. 

“Oh, but that’s a good thing! It really is. Now that you look exactly like mommy, she’ll love you for life! She finally found her Diamond, her master, after 6,000 bitter, long, fucking years. While everyone’s finally left you, she’s the only one who stayed by your side. Ya got that? SHE NEVER LEFT YOUR SIDE, PINK DIAMOND. You won the game— Heart’s nevah’ gonna abandon you now.” She agonizingly and lifelessly claps. “Congrats, her Diamond!”

Steven flinches.

She’s fully cracking him.

And she finally got him. 

Usually, with all this jeering from Spade, Steven would be absolutely furious. 

Usually, Steven would flush pink and dent the radio like usual. 

Usually, he’d have an outburst, and scream, lashing out at Spinel.

But instead— he just looks down in absolute defeat, and sobs. 

Spinel looks to the side. “Huh?” she mutters crudely behind gritted teeth. 

He stammers behind tears— “m’m Sorry. I’m so, so, sorry, Spinel. I’m so fucking sorry for what my m-mother did to you. And what I did to you, t-too. I’m so. Fucking. Sorry.”

Oh, that’s funny! 

He was the one who was raped, yet he’s the one apologizing for some reason.

That’s how manipulative Spade is. She’s able to guilt the victim so much she makes him apologize instead. 

Isn’t that messed up.

“Pfft. You’re sawry? You can’t fool me— Pink NEVAH’ apologizes. Not once did she apologize for our abuse, mistreatment, or neglect durin’ all those torturous fuckin’ years.”

“Not. Fuckin’. Once.”

“Well. I’m apologizing. And I’m determined to make a promise. A plan. A difference— a stand. A stand against myself,” Steven replies. 

A stand against himself? 

“...I’m listenin’.” 

“Spinel, we can put an end to this Pink Diamond thing— together. If we break my curse, you and Hana won’t have to suffer anymore— Hana won’t feel so dependant on me because I own her Diamond— this is your curse, too! We can both finally be free! I don’t have to be Pink Diamond anymore!”

“I ain’t fallin’ in fuckin’ love wit’ cha, Universe.” 

“M-Maybe it doesn’t have to be romantic love. It can be platonic. Familial. Anything. As long as you like me somehow.”

_Maybe I won’t need you at all_ , he thinks. 

Spinel opens the door and steps outside. She leans against the car door, waiting for Steven to follow. He opens the car door and jogs to the other side, standing in front of her. 

She folds her arms and glares at him, and Steven gulps. 

“I want ya ta’ get on ya knees and fuckin’ beg.”

“B-Beg?”

“You heard me. Kneel down. Below me, where you know you fuckin’ belong, and beg for your life. I ain’t lettin’ you near Hana until ya do— remember that I have control over the system now— and I can lock her away in the back of my mind for years, so don’t fuckin’ underestimate me.” Steven gasps.

“No, no— no. I’ll. I’ll do it. I’ll do it,” he says desperately— and he bends down and takes her hand, looking down for a moment to compose himself, only to look up at her with pleading, glossy eyes.

“Please.”

And Spinel’s face instantly bursts pink.

Fuck. He’s. He’s so cute. The pink ringlets of his hair framing his face, covering his cheeks— his eyebrows are turning pink as well, and he looks so silly like that— his cheeks are so rosy like she’s never seen before, oh, his strawberry freckles— and his lips are moist as ever from crying so much, and his beautiful, boyish lashes are, wet, too. He looks so handsome in his stupid pink letterman too, which frames his figure so well, she thought that jacket was for losers, _fuck, fuck_ —

Spinel composes herself and clears her throat.

Why is she so attracted to Pink Diamond’s son. 

Who looks more like her, every passing day, more than ever.

Is he just supposed to be Pink Diamond now? 

And... why is she kind of excited about that.

“Again,” she just does this so he stays below her longer. To admire him. 

“Please.”

She rolls her eyes. “Again, idiot.”

“Please.”

“No. Again.”

“Please, please—“

“Again—“

His voice finally cracks as he starts tearing up— “Please, please, please, please. Please forgive me, I’m begging you.”

“...Go on.”

“I love Hana so, so much. I’ll protect her with my life. I’ll treat her so well, she’ll never ever have to realize she was ever abused. I’ll treat her so well, even you’ll forget my mother abused her. Please. Let me be with Hana.”

Spinel pouts. Fuck, he really does love her. _What does he see in her, and not me, huh? We’re all the same girl. We love you just the same._

Maybe her feelings for Steven hadn’t faded after all.

She gets aggressive again, and grips his collar— pulling his face up as she chokes him. “You know what you’re gonna do fo’ her, Steven?”

“W-What—“

“You’re gonna move to Homeworld, and live there in the palace, so she can be a goddamn princess like she deserves for the rest of her fucking days.”

“H-Homeworld—?”

“That’s right. I want her to live on Homeworld as your lil’ princess in a luxurious palace, where everyone adores her, and she gets all the love and affection she deserves from you, the Diamonds, and all your lil’ subjects. Not as some fuckin’ nobody on some nowhere planet. Deal—?”

“B-But, my life on Earth—“

“I want her to be so pampered and spoiled, so adored by all, she’ll forget she was ever a fucking slave. Deal?” she interrupts. 

Steven grits his teeth. 

He shuts his eyes and sighs. 

He has to do this if he wants to be with Hana. 

He has to do this if he wants Hana to finally be happy.

“D-Deal.”

Spinel smirks.

“Atta’ boy. Now. Take me home,” she pushes him off, letting go, and Steven rubs his throat. Steven opens the car door for her, and he drives her back home.

*

As Steven drives, he tries to make conversation with her. Maybe she is as good as Hana sees her as. 

“So you really love Hana, huh.”

Spinel scoffs.

“I was fuckin’ made for her and Spinel. Ta’ protect them. Of course I love ‘em. I love those two wit’ my life— I-I just don’t want ta’ expose my weakness when I show it, t-that’s all,” she mumbles as she crosses her arms. “Not that I’m weak or anythin’.”

Steven chuckles.

“Well. Your secret’s safe with me.” 

He continues driving. 

Speaking of secrets. 

“What do you see in Lars, anyway? That was out of nowhere.”

“What’s it fuckin’ to ya.”

“Is it because he’s pink, like—“

“Because he’s Pink’s? Yeah.”

Huh?

“W-Wait, what?” his breath hikes. 

“Uh, yeah. He belonged ta’ Pink, your ma. Like me.”

Uh, what?

“No he didn’t!” Where did she get this idea from?!

“Yeah he did. He told me she revived him hundreds of years ago, after he died in battle. They were lovers. And after that, she abandoned him, just like she abandoned me, leavin’ my poor sweet-ums all alone in a barren world,” she sighs dreamily, bringing her hands to her chest. 

Sweet-ums?

Steven shakes his head. So Lars told her that he was Pink’s, just to get Spinel to actually like him.

Okay.

That’s so full of shit.

Steven groans. “He’s lying to you, Spinel.” Steven scoffs. 

“Oh, you’re just saying that because you’re fuckin’ jealous a us. You wish you hadn’t rejected me. We coulda’ been perfect for eachotha’,” she mutters.

“Uh, perfect for taking over the world together, maybe. Which I’m not doing.”

“What-the-fuck-ever. I know you want me away from Lars so I fall for you an’ break your curse. Break our curse, so you can be wit’ Spinel for life, an’ I’m finally pushed outta the picsha. I know you can’t fucking stand me.”

“Spinel—“

They finally arrive.

“Well, think again, you're not getting rid a me that easy,” she whines behind gritted teeth, opening the door only to slam it loudly behind her. Steven doesn’t even flinch, as he’s used to this by now.

He simply glares at her behind gritted teeth as she storms back out to the beach house, Steven muttering unintelligibly.

_Watch me._


	82. Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel make a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROOFD ENJOY
> 
> hello! i updated this chapter and retconned something. please reread. :0

“I can tell ya don’t really love her,” she tells him. “You’re only attached ta’ her ‘cause she’s your ma’s, and she broke her, so you just want ta’ fix her wrongdoings for the sake a crossin’ out another fuck-up a hers from ya bucket-list.You’re doin’ this for your own personal satisfaction, ta’ prove ta’ yourself you’re not as wicked as ya mommy, an’ never will be, ‘cause you’re so fuckin’ benevolent for helpin’ abandoned gems. You’re only tryna’ cure Hana ‘cause savin’ her will give you closure— finally seperatin’ her, and in turn you, from your mother once an’ for all— ‘cause she’s her last treasure and the final piece a the puzzle.”

“You’ll find someone. You’ll outgrow her, just like Pink did, and leave her for someone else. Someone who treats you better, and wants you around even more. But don’t worry, Steven...”

She says as she buries herself under the covers, facing the other side of the room as she goes to sleep.

“You’ll love again.” 

** 

Those were the last words Spade told Steven before going to bed that night.

And what she said had been ruminating in Steven’s head since. 

Did he really only want to be with Hana to save her from his mother? 

To undo all her mistakes for his own personal gain? After he had already corrected her biggest mistakes ever— starting a war, being responsible for the formation of the cluster, ruining the Diamond authority, corrupting Homeworld...

So why would Hana be any different?

Will helping her finally give him closure, and officially seperate him from his mother, as Spinel is her last treasure, so he can finally move on with his life with a fresh start, away from his gem heritage and his royal destiny? 

Will he really outgrow Hana after he realizes she doesn’t need him anymore, and that someday he’ll love— love again? Love... someone else?

Someone.

Steven and Spinel took a nap before sunset together, and after that they simply walked Lion together, who needed his daily exercise. 

They arrive home to see the gems welcome them, and Spinel happily waves to them, but Steven lowers her hand and takes her up the stairs, telling her she didn’t need to do that. 

As Steven takes off his shoes and changes into his pajamas to prepare for bed, Spinel walks around the room, rummaging through Steven’s things out of curiosity. 

Steven sits on the bed to wait for Hana, as Yuna hadn’t fronted since their encounter last night. Likely to give him space to think about what she said to him.

Someone.

After Spinel had transformed into her pajamas, she walks up to Steven and shows him something. 

He flinches at the sight of it. 

It was Connie’s glow-in-the-dark ring he used to propose to her two years ago. 

He exhales. 

He had gotten better at reacting to his triggers. He doesn’t glow pink and swell at the sight of this object anymore, so he remains calm.

“Where did you get that, Spinel,” he says coldly, not very pleased to see her with it. Not very pleased to see _it_ , in fact.

“Your desk just now. What’s this? Is it like a toy?”

...No. More like an impromptu wedding ring that has profound, sentimental value ingrained in both Steven and Connie’s childhoods since their first encounter and is a token of their relationship... But sure. You could say that.

“Sort of. It’s a bracelet that glows in the dark... here,” he says as he shuts off the lamp. They sit together on the bed in the dark, facing eachother as the bracelet glows pink, subtly illuminating their faces.

“Why... do you have that? I thought you were too old for toys.”

Steven sighs. “It was. It. It was Connie’s from like way back when we were kids.”

Someone.

“Oh.” She can’t help but feel sad that he would still hold onto such a sentimental object related to her. She thought he moved on from her to be with her instead.

Guess not. 

“What’s it for, then?” 

“Spinel...”

“What’s it for? I wanna know!”

“It. Was used as a wedding ring. Used to propose to her, when I did,” he clears his throat awkwardly, ashamed to be telling her this.

Spinel twirls it in her fingers, staring down at it. But Steven lowers her hand and takes it from her, as he doesn’t want her fixated on it— so he slowly leans in to kiss her, fanning her cheek. “It doesn’t matter to me anymore, Spinel,” he murmurs, and then he gently dips into her. 

They softly make out, quietly smacking their lips together in the dark, only able to see their faces from the glow ring below them. He cups her face, gazing down at her, as he presses against her lips repeatedly in silence. 

Spinel stops, and he parts, looking at her in confusion. She has something to say. 

“Steven...” she whispers.

“What’s marriage like?” she asks him innocently, intrigued as to why he wanted to be wed so soon.

Steven’s cheeks flush red— “um, marriage? Hah. Uh. Where’d you get that from?” he says as he stands up to turn the light back on, only to sit beside her again. He never taught Hana about marriage. 

“Isn’t that what proposals are for? For marriage? You were gonna marry Connie someday, right?”

“Spinel, that doesn’t matter anymore— the past is in the past. I’m with you now.”

“Well... I still find it pretty romantic,” she says as she looks down and twiddles her thumbs together.

“Not romantic enough for Connie, I suppose, considering she rejected it,” he mumbles under his breath, clearing his throat. “I told you it didn’t mean anything anymore, Spinel.” He leans his palm on the bed, a bit pissed off to be talking to her about this. He blows a curl out of his face boyishly.

“Oh. That’s too bad. I... wouldn’t reject your proposal,” she mumbles as she taps her indexes shyly.

Steven’s breath hikes and he chokes— bringing a hand to his chest— looking away from Spinel, wheezing.

“Um, are you okay?” 

“Yeah— cough— I’m good,” he whines, but then he just coughs more and more as he gets worse.

“Good! I’m doing great! Just fine. Everything’s —cough— fine, totally fine. Just doin’ fine and dandy over here, don’t mind me!— wheeze—,” he says as his face is flushing deep red, overwhelmed.

Spinel clings onto his arm to comfort him— and he flinches at her touch.

He was gonna try and push her off— trying to resist her affection— but she simply nuzzles her cheek against his shirt, smiling. 

He squints down at her behind gritted teeth, panting. 

He’s not sure how much more of this he can take. 

“I know this seems silly because I’m a gem, but... I’d love to have a wedding of my own someday, with someone.”

Someone.

Steven freezes. _H-He could be that s-someone, m-maybe._

“My wedding would have so many flowers, like the garden. Our garden,” she begins. 

“And the aisle can be trailed with petals, and there’d be romantic fairy lights above us...” she starts blushing, letting go of Steven, so she can cup her cheeks, stammering at the thought as she rambles on about her dream wedding.

Steven hyperventilates looking down at her under him like this— so adorably flustered— her rosy cheeks protruding— and he starts sweating. He bites his lip and averts her gaze, trying to compose himself.

“I’d walk down the aisle with a pretty white dress and a veil... and I’d meet him under a flower arch, and we’dkiss, and hug, and kiss s’more, m’... I hope...” she mumbles shyly.

Spinel then taps her fingers again, looking away from him— “and. and. When we get home after the wedding we’ll— hug, and hold hands— and, and k-kiss, m-maybe, if he’d like that— and, and we can go to bed and— and c-cuddle, if that isn’t too much.” 

_Too much?!_

“We can exchange vows, and kiss some m-more, and he’d hold me in his arms, telling me he l-loves me, p-perhaps. And he’d tell me I look pretty,and cup my cheek, and he’d promise to protect me f-forever. And then we can visit the garden, and go on a romantic promenade, maybe...”

_The... the garden?_

She wants to visit the garden and go on a romantic stroll with her lover? Replacing her horrible memories of the garden with such wonderful ones, now?

Oh, his poor baby. 

“But that’d never happen...” she mumbles, ashamed. 

“Huh? Of course it will, Spinel.” He’ll make sure of it. _Hahaha, who said that? Cough._

“Mmn... I dunno. I-I don’t think he would like Yuna v-very much, she’ll r-ruin everything for me, l-like she always d-does— sniff—“ and then she starts tearing up, her cheeks flushing as her lip trembles— “mmnn. I’ll probably j-just gonna die alone and s-sad. —sniff— In a b-barren world.”

“Spinel, no...”

But she continues crying. 

“Nobody will ever ever l-love me, b-because I’m a f-freak. And I’m a monstah’. And I’m too sick, and I’m a used t-toy. A n-nobody,” she says as her hands shake, unknowingly trying to reach out to him.

“No, no, that’s not true, Spinel. W-We’ll find our someones— I told you this— s-someday, somewhere, s-somehow, you will. You’ll love again, I know it!” he tries to fake a smile, even though he’s getting so emotional now, too. 

Spinel rubs her dewey eyes, looking up at him— and he stops breathing. “R-Really—?”

Fuck.

The way she’s looking at him right now.

Steven feels like he’s about to burst, his face is completely red.

”You think someone would want to marry me someday?”

”Of course, of course—“

”Gosh... isn’t that lovely,” she says as she cups her cheek, daydreaming.

Shit. _That’s adorable._

_And she just seems... so happy._

Why does he want to make her happier than she made his mom, now?

Is this what it’ll be like forever?

He can’t do this anymore.

He. He has to make a change.

Steven’s lip quivers as he begins wheezing anxiously— fiddling his hands together as he trembles— and he takes her hands and gently lifts her off the bed with him in dead silence. 

He moves so aggressively at her touch, quivering, that he forces his hands behind his back, and starts taking large, awkward steps to his desk, still facing her as he doesn’t want to ruin the mood.

He opens the drawer behind his back and takes a wilted hibiscus flower from inside,and steps back to her, quietly panting as they’re both extremely still.

She looks up at him, and down at the flower in confusion. 

That... was the flower she gave him in the garden two years ago.

“Why... do you have that?” she says, as she holds her breath.

Steven kisses the flower— and it blooms back to a vibrant pink, the same shade as before, and Spinel looks at it in awe as it sparkles.

He has to do this. 

Today, right here, right now. 

He’ll do it. He’ll love again. 

Steven shuts his eyes in defeat— and immediately bends down on one knee below her, hitting the ground.

“Sp-Sp-Spinel—“ he says, his hand violently shaking as he holds the hibiscus up for her— blushing wildly and stammering. 

“W-Will you p-please marry me!” he blurts out, shutting his eyes aggressively in embarrassment.

_Wha-a-a-a-a?!_

“H-Huh?” she whispers.

She freezes, unsure what to do. He. He wants to marry her?

This is a bit... sudden.

He opens an eye to look at her, as he was afraid of her reaction— “I. I can be your groom, for tonight. Even if it’s just pretend. I just want to make you feel happy, like you make me!” 

She slowly brings her hand to her chest and twiddles with her pigtail anxiously, mumbling quietly. 

“Mnm... w-why. I. I-I didn’t t-think I made you that h-happy—“ she starts blinking rapidly— likely drying her teary eyes.

Steven’s absolutely dysfunctional right now. He can’t believe he’s doing this. Proposing to Spinel, of all people— who attempted to murder him in his first encounter with her.

Yet here he was, absolutely in love with her like a desperate fool.

Steven pants heavily starts thinking about his difficult childhood— just as difficult as her’s, in fact. He stands up to try to meet her level.

“Y-You do. You have n-no idea. I k-know you think yourself as a freak, and a monster, or a used toy. A replacement, or, or a consolation prize. But I am, too— and, I’m just as sick, too. Really sick, just like you. And s-sometimes, I also f-feel like a nobody, especially now...”

Spinel softly gasps.

“But you make me feel like s-someone. I told you once, that you need to find someone— r-remember— and—and... and I... —sigh— I want to be that someone for you,” he concludes sternly, finally composing himself after so much panic.

“Let me be that someone.”

_Someone._

“Someone...?” she whispers.

“Who treats me—“

“Who treats you—“

“Better?” they say in unison. 

“Someone who—“ 

“Wants me—you—“

“Around?” they conclude, looking directly at eachother with parted lips. 

Steven nods a bit desperately, awaiting her response. Gripping the flower tightly in his hands.

He. He never thought he’d do this again. He thought he was doomed to never love again after Connie’s rejection.

Yet someday, somewhere, somehow.

He finally found her.

Spinel.

She’s finally found.

His someone.

And he, too, feels found now.

There’s a silence as they look at eachother. 

“Please.”

“Mnm...” she looks away, overwhelmed.

But Steven doesn’t break his gaze, looking at her with determination.

“Marry me, Spinel.”

“I. I. B-But we tried t-to kill you, and your friends, and your planet—!” she gasps. “I’m—I’m the source of all your problems—! Why do you still want me, around?!” 

He raises his hand to put a lock of hair behind her ear, momentarily caressing her. He rubs his thumb on her cheek. 

“...I’m the source of all your problems, too, Spinel,” he tells her softly— only to tighten his grip on her hand, awaiting her response.

She avoid his gaze, feeling guilty as she realizes that is somewhat true. 

It was because of him that the alters formed, as he triggered Spade when she saw his message in the garden.

It was because of him that she had been reset by Pearl, leaving her to deal with her disorder. 

It turns out he was the source of all her problems, too.

“Mnmm... I’m. I’m sawry...” she mumbles, ashamed to see the truth in that, but Steven continues.

“It doesn’t have to be today, or right here, or right now. It can be someday, or somewhere, or somehow, too. Point is, Spinel, that I want to be with you forever.”

“Together... Forever...?

Steven nods. “Yes. Together forever.”

“But you wanted to marry Connie. You loved her— why give that up so fast? When it was perfect? Why do that f-for me? I’m just your mommy’s lost toy.”

“Connie...” he looks down. “Won’t last forever, Spinel,” referring to her mortality, as Steven will ultimately outlive her. “But we will.”

Spinel gapes her mouth at him. 

“B-Besides, I. I think I love you more.”

He asks her one more time, clinging onto her fingers, forcing the back of her hand up— just like he held her in the garden.

“Please. Marry me someday.” 

“Mnm...” she looks down, conflicted, as Spade still hates him. But Heart loves him so, so much.

He grips her by the shoulders and bends down a bit, and looks at her directly in the eye.

She’s never seen him so serious.

“I will never, ever, abandon you like my mother did, or mistreat you like she did, Spinel.”

Spinel finally meets his eyes after shyly looking away.

“...Do you promise,” she whispers.

Steven lowers his hands and ties his pinky to hers. “Pinky promise.”

Shockwaves pulse through Spinel’s body as he touches her so subtly, and she smiles.

Steven warmly smiles back. 

She wipes the last of her tears.

Spinel’s made her choice.

She steps forward to lean against his chest— nuzzling him. “Okay, Steven.”

“R-Really?” he says as he raises his arm to hold her, and he bends down with her standing in front of him. “Y-You’d do that for me?”

“Are you kiddin’?” she says as she rubs her cheek against his. “Anything...” she sighs dreamily. 

Steven embraces her and presses her cheek against hers— furrowing his brows and shutting his eyes as he savors the moment. 

He suddenly... experiences a surge of happiness— and his face lights up— he smiles as he squeezes Spinel tight— “I’m! I’m engaged! Hah, I’m— I’m finally engaged— even if it’s fake!” he gasps as he lifts her up, wrapping his arm around her waist.

“Does... that mean we’re not getting married right now?”

And then Steven drops her.

She—she wants to marry him now? 

“Ow...” she mumbles as she rubs her tush— and Steven quickly kneels in front of her and clasps her hands eagerly. 

“You. You wanna get married now? E-Even if it’s just— just pretend?”

“Are you kidding—“ she repeats. “I love playing pretend!”

He sighs in relief— looking a bit exhausted from all the emotions he felt today— as he needed this so bad. Just some stupid playtime to release tension for once. “Of course you do.”

“What do I wear? I. I,” she taps her indexes for him. “Want ta’ look pretty for ya, Stevie...”

Stevie. 

Pr-Pretty. Steven looks away from her to conceal his blushing face. He clears his throat. 

Oh, that just makes his heart melt.  He hums as he looks around the room, and he gasps as he spots the perfect “accessory.” He picks up a blanket and encircles it over her head, so it looks like she’s wearing a veil. “Perfect.”

Spinel clings onto the blanket, waiting. He blushes as he’s caught staring at her for a bit too long, blushing.

Steven clears his throat. “So um. During the wedding sermon, we have to exchange vows... which are our promises to love eachother and be wed for life.”

Spinel stays silent, unsure what to do. 

Steven shuffles a bit as he positions himself.

“I’ll. I’ll start— ahem—.”

They stand together.

“Spinel,” he says as he holds her hands.

She gasps as she can’t believe he’s doing this. They’re getting married tonight!

“I, Steven, take you, Spinel, to be my future wife.”

She holds onto his hands tightly, shaking a bit, overwhelmed.

“There’s nobody who treats me better, or wants me around more, more than you. You alone— well, not literally alone but—“ he mumbles,” “make me finally feel found. You... you make me want to try loving again, despite all the rejection I’ve faced.”

He continues.

”You make me want to make a change— and that change is you. A change that’s for the better. So, so much better, hah... And. And I can’t wait for our love to fully and finally bloom, as I hope our flowers never fade. Please, Spinel, let me adore you. I can adore you for life.”

He said that perfectly. 

“I. I. How did you—“

“I. Fantasize our wedding. A lot. —cough—. I’ve rehearsed this like, a dozen times, hah.”

Spinel blushes, taken aback. 

Spinel nearly swoons. Oh, he’s so romantic!

Steven playfully boops her nose, mimicking her. “Now it’s your turn.”

Spinel freezes. “Um. Well. Uh. Let’s see. T-Today. Right here. Right now. I’ll love again,” he smiles, “I’ve, um, already found someone... —cough— Um. hah. I ain’t really the best at this sappy stuff, but uh. That someone is you. I love you. I. I love you, Steven,” she clears her throat, concluding her vows a bit awkwardly. 

Is Heart even fronting right now, honestly. She’s so mellow. 

Steven then averts her gaze to play the role of the minister since they’re alone. 

“Steven,” he begins, comedically deepening his voice as he acts, and she covers her mouth as she giggles. 

“Do you take Spinel as your beloved Wife, to have and to hold, through laughter and in sadness, through challenges and successes, so long as you both shall live?” he says, as he practically memorized this. 

He pauses.

“I do,” he replies to himself in his normal voice. 

Steven continues his roleplay.

“Spinel, do you take Steven as your beloved Husband, to have and to hold, through laughter and in sadness, through challenges and successes, so long as you both shall live?”

Steven nudges her eagerly to respond. 

“I do.”

“How do you know... all this?” she asks, after seeing how professional this is.

“Oh, uh. I was a part-time wedding planner. For like a day, hah. To distract myself from the trauma of discovering my mother was Pink Diamond— cough—“ he mutters rapidly. “B-But let’s continue, we’re almost done, heh.” 

Spinel blinks a few times, and composes herself.

“We.. don’t really have rings. B-But I can give you the hibiscus,” he raises it for her to take. Spinel looks down at her gem and summons something.

“And... I can give you the rose I gave you at the battlefield.”

“Y-You gave me? But you’re—“

“Spinel. I’m Spinel.”

Steven gasps— “y-youre back!”

“Mhm,” she smiles as he hugs her tightly. “You came back for me! W-Where’s Hana?!”

“She... wanted me to marry you first, heh. Even though she’s keeping the hibiscus, she wants me to finish our vows by giving you the rose you were supposed to have.”

“T-That’s great! I— I can finally break my curse—! Oh my gosh!”

Spinel smiles warmly and plants the the rose in his palms. “I hope you can make a change, then.”

Steven looks down at Spinel. “Well, uh. May I,” he bites his lip. “May I kiss the bride?” 

Spinel nods.

Steven tilts his head and leans down to kiss her. It was meant to be a short, tender kiss— but he soon clasps her cheeks andsquints his eyes in intense focus, kissing her aggressively— sliding his tongue inside her and harshly press his tongue against hers repetitively— only to repeat this in a cycle until they tire themselves out— and their lips smack as they part. An extremely passionate, intimate kiss— fit for an actual wedding, perhaps.

Spinel looks up at Steven, starry eyed.

“So. So, we’re married?” she asks.

“Uh, maybe? Not literally, but. Yes!” he smiles. “Yes! Yes we are!” he says as he picks her up bridal style, veil and all, and he spins her around— and they laugh as they eskimo kiss eachother and smile.

It’s late at night now, so Steven and Spinel figured they could goof off in the living room and get some air for a while, so he carries her downstairs— Spinel giggling uncontrollably, so overjoyed.

It seems that as her laughter becomes more childlike and youthful that Heart is back to fronting again. They laugh together, and Steven grabs her by the waist and spins her around dozens of times, as he loves her so much— and he’s just so happy to have someone— and they laugh and laugh and laugh loudly and foolishly until—

Until Steven sees Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl sitting on the couch. 

Watching them.

Watching _him_. 

Steven freezes as he stares at them, mouth gaped.

Shit.

And he slowly lowers Spinel to the ground, Spinel landing at her tippy-toes. She clings onto Steven’s hand. 

“So! You’re getting married, now,” begins Pearl, reclining in her seat. 

“No! No. We, were just playing.”

“And you didn’t even bother telling your own family.” 

“It. It was an impulsive proposal. Just now. It happened just now. She just wanted to see what it was like, so I—“

“But you were thinking about it, Steven,” adds Garnet, as she holds up papers— drafts of Steven’s wedding vows to Spinel.

The crumpled up ones he threw in the trashcan.

They found them.

Garnet seems bit tense now from seeing her son drift away so quickly.

“Thanks for inviting us to the wedding, man!” Amethyst mumbles as she crosses her arms. 

“It’s—It’s not a real wedding,” he responds. “W-We were just playing pretend,” he says as Heart hides behind him as she was now fronting again, peeking at the gems. Confused. 

“Oh, pretend? Like your relationship, then!” Pearl adds, not even facing him— and Steven growls.

Pearl makes her next move.

“Spinel, would you give Steven and us a few minutes?” asks Pearl— and Spinel was about to go back upstairs, but Steven takes her hand and holds her behind his back as she hides. 

“No. My, uh, wife is staying with me.” 

_A “wife” who cowers behind him like he’s her father, pfft._

Pearl scoffs, and Amethyst cracks up. Garnet stays dead quiet.

“Connie is your wife, Steven,” Pearl coldly says.

“I can’t believe he let go of Connie, man!” adds Amethyst as she slaps her thighs. Seems as since Connie’s Steven’s only ticket to Earth, and that Amethyst wants him to stay with her as a normal gem— not a royal— that Amethyst has finally sided with Garnet and Pearl.

“They were perfect for eachother,” adds Garnet. 

“That’s enough!” he tenses up and stomps his foot— turning pink— but as he does so he accidentally digs his nails into Spinel, and she cries out. 

Steven gasps. “Oh, no, no, no, baby,” he says as he kneels down— he cups her cheeks and glares at the gems, kissing her.

Only to force her to make out with him in front of the gems to piss them off— so aggressively that she moans loudly. They all watch, with Pearl averting his gaze. He concludes with a final glare, wiping Spinel’s spit off his mouth. Healing her.

Pearl continues.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. Hurting her so soon, now, are you Steven. You know you can’t control your Diamond powers.”

Steven flinches— and was about to yell at them, losing control— _how dare they imply that he could abuse Spinel_ — but he realizes that Spinel was still watching, so he takes her hands. 

“Go back upstairs, baby, okay? I’ll come back up soon.”

“O-Okay. Pinky promise? Like before?” she whimpers.

She wants a pinky swear? In front of the gems like this? Fucking shit. 

They all collectively wheeze, Garnet trying to restrain herself— but she covers her face and looks away, snorting.

Steven cringes and simply pushes her up the stairs— “Hahahah, uh, sure! Sure!” she makes it to the top and he waves his fingers— “toodles!” he says with an awkward voice crack. He steps back down the stairs, covering his blushed face with his hands.

That was so fucking embarrassing.

A— A pinky promise, like a little girl, right in front of Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. When he had to prove to them that she was the perfect wife who could take care of him. 

He stands in front of them alone, finally. He totally lost his chance to seem intimidating, now. 

“Sit down, Steven,” says Garnet.

Here comes the talk.

Steven flops onto the couch, crossing his arms and blowing a hair curl off his face.

There’s a silence. 

“Steven. How old, are you?” asks Pearl.

“...Eighteen,” Steven mutters, looking down, scowling.

He hadn’t gotten in trouble like this in a while. Not since he was like, sixteen after sneaking out sometimes.

Steven hates being scolded like this. It’s so damn embarrassing.

He stares intently at something on the desk and zones everything out, squinting his eyes and furrowing his brows in contemplation. Totally pissed off as they criticize him. 

“And how old is Spinel, Steven,” asks Garnet.

He stays quiet, burying himself deeper into his seat, ashamed.

He finally speaks up after another tense silence.

“...Six thousand,” he finally admits. That’s right she. She is six thousand years older than him. 

“And how old is Spinel mentally, Steven?”

Amethyst waves her hand as she gives an estimate: “Eh, I’d say about fourteen.” 

Pearl scoffs. “Oh, fourteen is far too generous for Spinel. I’d say she’s twelve!” and they giggle together, exposing their true colors to him. Steven grits his teeth in embarrassment, panicking.

They’re cornering him so fucking bad right now. She. She really does act like a teenage girl. He’s way past that age now.

“S-She just. Matures. Slower. That’s all,” he tells them, referring to her trauma, and how she likely processed it by mentally age-regressing, like most childhood trauma victims do.

“And you like that, Steven?” says Pearl.

“She. She m-makes me feel young again—“ he stammers. 

“Young again? Isn’t it time you grew up, Steven?”

“Uh, yeah, buddy. You’re an adult now, hangin’ out with little girls like that is uh, kinda weird, dude.” 

Steven bursts out and stands up. “SHE’S NOT A LITTLE GIRL!” he stomps, startling Amethyst and Pearl.

Garnet remains unfazed.

“Calm down,” Garnet coolly says. Steven mutters unintelligably and sits back down, crossing his arms again. 

He averts their gaze, angry as ever. He just wanted to go make rainbow cupcakes with Spinel or something, but they just had to ruin their totally adult-like wedding night.

“You can’t be a child forever, Steven,” Pearl tells him. 

Steven twitches his brow, finally breaking down. He stands up and slaps his hips in frustration.

“Well, it’s not MY FAULT I lost my entire childhood at the hands of a war. I got my gem powers at thirteen, and once enemy gems started dropping like flies, I lost EVERYTHING! I never went to school, I never went to prom, or a football game, or learned how to skate, or bowl— I’ve never gone to the mall or a concert with friends, hell, I’ve only had ONE friend, which is Connie— I’VE NEVER EVEN GONE TO A PARTY. WITH TEENAGERS,” he cries out. 

The gems stay quiet as he has his outburst. 

“I lost my ENTIRE CHILDHOOD to something that was completely out of control. Fighting and resolving conflicts left and right—“ he grits his teeth— “witnessing so much trauma and violence at such a young age—maturing so fast, that when I’d go hang out with Connie’s friends— who were around my age— I couldn’t even relate to them,” he whines, tearing up.“Hell, I even ran a school! AT SIXTEEN!” 

“B-But Spinel is so youthful, and carefree, she reminds me of my teenage self. And I want to hold onto that... and I want to hold onto her because she was my mother’s, too.”

“That’s exactly the problem, Steven,” clarifies Garnet.

“Dude, it’s super weird that she looks exactly like your mother. Same pink gloves and white tights and everything, man.”

“Is marrying someone who looks like and belongs to your mother really the best approach to a new relationship?”

“What! That’s not a problem— I hate my mother!” replies Steven.

“Do you, Steven. Do you really,” says Garnet.

They got him. 

Steven starts muttering unintelligably, and stands up as his cheeks burst red. “Y-You know what! Fine! It doesn’t matter anyway, b-because I’m moving out— tonight!”

They all gasp in unison— except for Garnet, who sorta expected that. She doesn’t need future vision to know he’s gonna move out at one point, because of all their disagreements. 

“Wha-a-a-a-a-a-a?!” Amethyst and Pearl shout in unison.

“Yep! I think Spinel and I have been overstaying our welcome a bit too long. And now that we’re finally married, it’s the perfect time!”

“But— but—“

“Don’t try to talk me out of this,” he says as he stomps up the door. He raises the pitch of his voice as he flutters his hand goodbye behind the wall. “Toodles!”

Steven slams the door, and immediately grabs his suitcase from the closet, ignoring Spinel who was standing in the middle of the room, waiting for his return.

Waiting for her someone. 

He packs as many clothes as he can, and after a few minutes he shuts the suitcase, ready to leave. 

“Where are we going?” Hana asks.

Steven takes her hand so they can go down the stairs to the warp pad together.

“Home.”


	83. There’s No Such Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel and Steven meet after their first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> skimmed  
> flashback

Steven hikes up the stairs to the beach house and leaves his keys at the entrance after returning from work. Spinel’s preparing for bed, while Steven quickly takes a shower and heads to his room. 

Two days had passed since they first kissed. 

Two days since Spinel assaulted Connie.

Two days since everything had changed.

Yet here Spinel was, sitting in his bed, waiting for him. 

Steven walks over to her to sit beside her, looking out the window of the sliding door. 

They sit together awkwardly, in silence for a few minutes. Averting each other’s eyes, looking away. Eyes darting to opposite sides of the room.

They didn’t think they’d still be together. They both thought Spinel would be shipped home after what she did to Steven’s girlfriend.

Yet why is she still here. 

Steven taps his foot on the floor, and Spinel hums.

“So... how was school?” Spinel finally speaks up. 

“Oh,” Steven clears his throat, leaning across the bed. “Good. It was good.”

“Oh... good,” Spinel quietly replies. 

Steven had asked her to stay home this time. 

She didn’t know why. 

Steven looks down to the floor, eyes burrowed in focus. 

Spinel taps her index fingers together shyly, looking down at his hand placed on the bed beside her’s.

He’s... fluttering them, tapping them softly against the mattress. Waiting. 

What’s he thinking about? 

His hand is so large.

And must be so lonely now without Connie’s near him.

Would he like some company?

Spinel brings a clenched hand to her chest, trembling a bit, and slowly begins trailing her other hand down the mattress... closer to the idle back of his hand. 

Is it too soon? 

Is she rushing into things? 

Is she that desperate, to be in love with a teenage boy like this? 

She’s supposed to hate him.

Yet why is she so drawn to him? 

She nears it, and she can’t help but notice Steven subtly moving his hand, gradually moving closer to hers despite averting her gaze, staring down at the floor below them. 

Their hands graze the mattress, and after an awkward silence they finally meet— with Steven’s palm over her hand. 

They’re holding hands. 

Spinel blushes, panicking quietly as she didn’t expect him to reciprocate, especially after what she did to his girlfriend. 

But here they are, sitting on the edge of the bed together, looking at the moon, touching hands. 

His are so warm— she blushes. 

Steven takes hers and begins rubbing his thumb on hers affectionately— making sure to not use his new “power” on her this time. 

He seems stern. Tired. Worn out.

But still, it seems he wants to give her his affection. Let her know he accepts her.

Spinel looks up him with a parted mouth as she sits beside him, fidgeting anxiously. 

“You’re not mad?” she finally asks after a silence. 

“I am.” 

“So... why are we doin’ this? I hurt her, an’ I hurt you, an’ your friends, and your family, an’ your planet!” she raises her voice anxiously, clinging onto him. 

Steven sighs, his eye bags deepened. 

The stars are glistening tonight. 

He tells her. 

“Because there’s no such thing as Happily Ever After, Spinel.” 

So... she’s not his Happily Ever After? 

She looks down, ashamed. Loosing her grip on him. 

Steven gently prompts her to come closer, and Spinel shyly scoots over to him. Steven extends his arm out, and Spinel wraps her arm around it, clinging to him. 

“Why are you givin’ me chances. So, so many chances. I’m not a good person. I’m not good at all, no matta’ how many times ya try ta’ change me. You just can’t.” 

“Well. I think you’re pretty great. And I see the good in you.” 

“You do?” 

“Yeah. You’re good, and you try to do good deeds, but in your own way. And it’s hard to notice at first.” 

“In what way?”

“When I visited you in Homeworld and I needed your advice. You said the song I sang to you— a bit obnoxiously, sure— but you did that because you thought it’d help me like it helped you, didn’t you.” 

Spinel leans against his shoulder. “Yeah. A course, buddy.” 

“But I’ll never be good as you: you’re Steven Universe: the gem savior. Everyone adores ya. You can never do no wrong.” 

“I’m not a good person, Spinel.” 

“Why... d’ya say that?” she asks as she holds her breath. 

“I’ve hurt people.”

“But not like I’ve hurt you,” she tells him, rubbing his arm. 

“You were out of control. Nearly corrupt. Don’t blame yourself. There’s no way you were thinking straight or making rational decisions. Your feelings were justified, despite your extreme measures, Spinel. And I understand that.” 

“Still... I’m real dangerous. A monsta’. Don’t lie, everyone knows I’m a monster.” 

“So am I.” 

Spinel looks down, frowning. 

“I’m a Diamond, Spinel,” he says as he raises his hand and clenches his fist— causing his skin to glow pink. “I have the power to kill people with a single blow if left unchecked.” 

“But you won’t.” 

“But I have.” 

“You have?” 

“Yeah. I accidentally shattered a Jasper. I revived her, but still...” 

Spinel simply leans against him, pressing her cheek onto him. 

“M’ sawry.”

“Seems we both are capable of hurting each other.” 

“But you’ll be gentle. An’ delicate. An’ soft. Like you always are wit’ me,” she leans up to look at him, saddened. 

“I’ll... I’ll try.” 

They nuzzle against each other, leaning on each other’s heads. 

“The other day, why’d you...”

“Kiss you?”

Spinel nods hesitantly. 

“Because I was... mad. At you.”

“That’s not typically what one does when they’re mad at a person, Steven. I thought you were gonna slap me.” 

“I’d never do that to you, Spinel.” 

We all know how that went. 

“I saw it in an episode of Camp Pining Hearts and thought it was romantic,” he pathetically chuckles. “I guess I can’t help but fall for cliches, I guess, haha.” 

_I can’t help but fall for you, either, Steven._

“I just. I just can’t stay mad at you. I couldn’t stay mad. After everything you’ve been through, I understand how difficult it must be to control your impulses. I wanted to calm you down with that kiss, maybe, but I ended up... indulging,” his face flushes, and he gets embarrassed. 

“Indulgin’?”

“Yeah. Surprisingly, you’re... a really good kisser. Which was the opposite of what I thought you were when I visited the Diamonds.”

“Ah, gee. Um, thanks, bud. I-I think you’re a pretty good kissa’ too, Steven. A great one— the best a the best, um—“ she stammers, sweating— but Steven simply grips her shoulders to make her face him, and he leans down to kiss her cheek. He lets go, and she blinks her eyes, confused. 

_A thin line has crossed the boundary._

She gets all hot all of a sudden and fiddles with her fingers. “T-Thanks. Ya didn’t have ta’.” 

Spinel once again looks down, twisting her boots. Her breath quickens as the effects of the kiss linger— and Steven speaks up, averting his gaze. 

“Do...” 

She stares at him as he rubs the back of his head. 

“Do you mind if I do it again?” 

Spinel slowly nods with an open mouth, and Steven once again leans down and kisses her on the cheek— and again, and again, until he nears the corner of her lip. 

Spinel flinches. 

Steven pauses and brushes the hair out of her face, and softly cups hercheek— planting a gentle kiss on her lips behind closed eyes. Spinel, too, shuts her eyes, savoring the moment, humming to herself. 

She shifts her position, and finds herself bending her knees to directly face him— Steven follows, and cups her cheeks a bit tighter, and soon they found themselves on the bed together kissing once again. Ever so slowly— actually savoring each other’s taste this time. Steven continues kissing her repeatedly, and Spinel trembles as she brings her hands up to cup his jaw, her tiny hands over his. 

Butterflies fluttering in her stomach at his touch. 

She thought she hated butterflies. 

And all this sappy shit he’s doing with her right now. 

But she hadn’t been touched so warmly, so delicately, so affectionately since so long. 

Seems she can’t help but indulge for tonight, either. 

Steven and Spinel go on a gentle rhythm, making weak lip-smacking noises as their lips grow moister— switching angles as they explore every inch of each other’s lips. Spinel herself is a bit noisy, making little airy gasps and hums after each kiss as they explore all kinds of new sensations together. 

Steven gets flustered, and feels his entire body getting warm. He freezes. 

Spinel looks at him, confused. “Hm?” 

“S-sorry. I’m sorry. It’s just that... God, you are... just really, really intoxicating. Wow.”

Well, she did try to poison you and the planet.

Spinel blushes intensely, her cheeks completely hot pink. She starts trembling, taken aback. 

“...I really,” he says as he kisses her, a bit more intensely now, “really can’t control myself around you anymore, fuck, mmh—“ he mumbles as he presses kisses onto her repeatedly, their lips smacking much louder now, and Steven and Spinel make out at a faster pace. 

“Ah, ah... mm,” whines Spinel as he overwhelms her, and Steven straightens his back as he slips off his jacket, continuing his kisses for her. He wraps his arms around her, despite their weight, and brings her closer— she presses her palms against his chest, leaning up to kiss him. The two getting hot and sweaty as they’re sticking so close to each other now— like never before. 

Spinel bites his bottom lip— and they gasp— “S-sorry, s-sorry, was that too much? I-I’ve ruined everything, ah,” panics Spinel, but Steven simply giggles and swerves their bodies to the mattress to continue their passionate make out. Embracing each other completely— rubbing their legs against each other playfully. 

Steven furrows his brow and inches her face, inserting his tongue inside her mouth— and she makes a little noise— but she reciprocates, rubbing against his.

“Mmm...” Spinel moans, and finds herself smiling as his healing spit gives her a surge of happiness. 

Spinel deepens the kiss by bringing her tongue deeper, wrapping their tongues together as they explore their mouths. They cling onto each other’s hands, yearning for each other. 

Oh, how they loved to hold hands. 

Spinel continues whining, taking quick airy gasps every time they part— and these little mewls simply excite Steven more, so he holds her waist and shifts himself on his back so she sits on top of him. She hovers over him, pressing extended kisses onto him, and he smiles. 

He... seems so, so happy right now. 

Spinel takes a moment to observe him, and smiles back— she cups  his cheeks and continues smothering him, until he swerves her to the side and pins himself on top of her, kissing her back. They sigh dreamily in unison, rubbing each other, and conclude, finally parting.

Steven warmly looks at her as he selects the hair on her forehead and puts it behind her ear. He leans in to kiss her gently hovering on top of her.

He sighs.

“Don’t go back to the Diamonds. Please,” he begs her. Looking at her with pleading eyes.

Spinel caresses his cheek. “I won’t.”

Steven begins trailing kisses down her neck, and she moans— until he finally reaches her gem and sees his reflection.

Pink.

Steven delicately presses his hand on it, covering his reflection. The mood has shifted.

Spinel notices Steven’s discomfort.

“Are you doin’ good there, bud?” she mumbles. 

Steven shuts his eyes and seperates from her, instead laying beside her to stare at the ceiling together. She looks at him in confusion.

“We can’t keep doing this, Spinel,” he tells her sternly.

Spinel’s heart drops. What about her Happily Ever After?! “W-What?! But I thought you wanted ta’ be togetha’!” 

“I have... a wife, Spinel. A future wife. I’m bethrothed, to Connie. We’re promised to each other. And we have a future together.”

Spinel averts her gaze and sighs as she knew that. 

“And you don’t like me?” she whispers, starting to tearing up.

Steven exhales, a bit impatiently. “I-I do, Spinel,” he finally admits to himself, “but I can’t be with you.” 

“Why not?!” she whines, clinging onto his shirt. She was so desperate for this. To finally be his. 

“Because by playing with you like this I’m becoming more like my mother, Spinel!” he blurts out furiously, faintly glowing pink.

Spinel’s pupils dilate as she gasps. Steven avoids her face in shame, furrowing his brows. “I don’t want to... ever be like my mother, Spinel.” 

She stays quiet.

“Everytime I see you, I’m reminded of her. In... more ways than one. I’m reminded of the fact that you were hers, and I think it’s terrible that she owned a person like that and threw her away so carelesslessly. It hurts me.”

Spinel looks at him intently, reaching out for his hand. “You remind me of her, too,” Steven shuts his eyes as he flinches, “and trust me, it hurts me even more.”

They rub their feet together affectionately.

“Everytime I’m with you, I can’t help but feel guilty. If I love you, does that mean I’m in love with my mother, too?”

“Does that mean I love her too?” she replies. 

Steven pants as he looks at her, flustered. She loves him? 

He looks to the side.

“Why are you still here, Spinel. I’m my mother’s... what the hell do you even see in me? You were there when I was corrupted. I’m a monster, just like her. And I’ll hurt you, just like she hurt you.”

“And I’m hers, too, and I’ll hurt you, just like she hurt you,” she repeats. 

They look at each other on the bed in silence, clinging onto their shirts. 

Steven inhales as he lunges his body forward to press against hers, holding her by the waist as he kisses her once again. 

Just as their relationship was about to end, they’ve found themselves on loop again. 

They make out together, far more needily this time, and they gasp as they part, Spinel staring up at him with doe eyes. 

Steven blushes, looking at her with parted lips. Both of their hairs disheveled. 

Spinel whispers to him: 

“If she left us... why can’t we have each other instead?” she says as she rubs his chest with her finger. 

Steven’s breath hikes as his heart races, holding her. 

“With her gone, that means we have each other to ourselves now...”

Steven feels like he’s about to cry. Is this what their relationship is? Destiny? 

“Doesn’t that mean something?” 

Steven’s eyes sparkle as he holds his breath. _Yes, yes it does._

Does that mean she was always meant to belong to him, now?

But still, he resists her. 

Steven closes his eyes and sighs, letting go of her. 

“No, it doesn’t, Spinel.”

“Oh.”

Spinel gradually lifts her back up and sits on the side of the bed, looking at the moon. Thinking of Homeworld. 

“Maybe it’s time I go back to the Diamonds.”

Steven’s heart stops. He doesn’t want that, either. 

But he has to stay strong. He can’t let these... new feelings for Spinel affect his love for Connie.

He’s just doing this because he thinks it’s amusing that a prince would fall in love with his court jester. 

He’s just doing this because he thinks it’s exciting that his worst enemy has now become his new lover.

He’s just doing this because he wants to correct his mother’s mistakes.

He’s just doing this because she belonged to his mother. 

He’s just doing this because she feels familiar.

She’s the only person who feels familiar to him, right now. 

He’s just doing this because he wants to make a change.

Steven scoots his body up the bed and tucks himself in, facing the opposite side of Spinel.

But as much as he wants to, he still has to keep his promise to Connie.

His promise to marry her.

Spinel gazes at him sadly, standing up as she holds her pillow.

“I think you should leave before the end of the year, Spinel.”

Spinel flinches, looking at the window.

“Oh... o-okay,” she whimpers, trying to not cry. Trembling as she holds her fingers together, trying to comfort herself. 

“I-I thought you actually l-liked m-me... I thought you wanted ta’ be together, in the end. Our own Happily Ever After.”

Steven buries herself deeper in his pillow, finally retiring in his bed for the night. 

He shuts his eyes.

“There’s no such thing as Happily Ever After, Spinel.”


	84. Start From Scratch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Spinel arrive to Homeworld.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROOFD
> 
> IMPORTANT PLZ READ ❗️❗️❗️❗️  
> Please reread the previous chapter, as I edited it. 
> 
> I basically edited it so that it’s very clear that Steven and Spinel were playing pretend. I also impersonalized Steven’s confession a bit to support that. Please reread. 🙏 Last chapter was extremely important anyway so it’s worth doing so anyway.
> 
> Thank you so much to those who are up to date and are so patient with me. Unfortunately the downside of being up to date is that you have to deal with fresh typos, retcons, and changes to the fic. I sometimes add new paragraphs and details even after a chapter is published, and I fear you guys are missing that. So I really suggest that you reread. 
> 
> I also suggest that you reread from the beginning of Act II— Her Cut is Perfect, as we’re officially beginning the Beauty and the Beast arc. Expect angst, violence, and drama! Yay!
> 
> On the bright side to being up to date, when you reread the fic and see how it’s changed and been completed you will feel very satisfied. x3
> 
> Since this is my first fic, it’s very improvisational. It is in no way a story where you can just... expect everything to flow perfectly, with no flaws. You’re PARTICIPATING in a work in progress, as if you’re a proofreader/editor or someone who gets a first look at a new chapter. Not simply someone reading a completed fic that’s fully cohesive. If this isn’t your cup of tea, I HIGHLY SUGGEST that you wait a few days after each chapter. Maybe read once five or so chapters are out, that way it’s guaranteed that they’re all proofread, flow naturally, and aren’t altered/retconned in any way. 
> 
> Again, you’re part of my writing process by reading chapters right after I publish them. I will edit, add, and alter things. Please decide the way you’ll approach my fic from now on. 
> 
> Sorry, but also thanks for understanding. <3
> 
> ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️
> 
> More smut! But I think after this it’ll be toned down to focus on plot/drama.

Steven and Spinel had warped into the main hall of the palace together in the middle of the night, with Spinel trailing behind Steven as he stomps through the halls, rolling his suitcase in silence. The palace employees had retired for the night, and it was just Steven, Spinel, and various rubies defending the palace.

After a few minutes of walking, they hear light footsteps tapping behind them, breaking the silence.

And someone else, it seems.

“Oh, my Diamond.”

Says a soft, feminine voice. Steven and Spinel turn around to see her— see Pink Pearl.

Except... she’s not as pink anymore, and has faded to a light pastel color, losing her hue. 

What’s going on? Is she okay? 

Volleyball raises her arms into the Diamond Insignia and stares creepily at them. 

“We’ve been expecting you.”

**

“White Diamond expects to see you tomorrow, _Pink_ ,” giggles Pearl as she’s pleased to see his new hair. She composes herself and pauses at him for a moment to smile, ignoring Spinel, and closes the door behind her to finally give them privacy for the night. 

Steven clears his throat, and places his bag on the canopy bed, unpacking his clothes and necessities.

Starting from scratch.

Spinel just sits behind him in silence. Watching him as he does it swiftly, as it seems he’s eager to do something else.

He looks at the mirror for a moment and groans as he sees his hair is completely pink now. He brings his hand to his head and rubs a section of it, sighing.

He continues.

Spinel speaks up after a few minutes of tension.

“Mnn... so. We’re married now?”

“Sure. Sure. You could say that,” he replies coldly, not even facing Heart, as he continues organizing his things.

Spinel simply lies on the bed beside him, resting after the chaotic and stressful evening. After a few minutes of silence, he finally closes his empty suitcase and puts it under the bed. He takes off his shirt and his pajama pants, and he saunters over to Spinel, hovering over her. Gazing down at her intently. 

“Mnm... huh?” she blinks.

“Take off your clothes, Spinel,” he tells her intimidatingly.

No... he _commands_ her. As her Diamond.

“Mm— my clothes?” she raises the pitch of her voice, anxiously.

“Isn’t this what you wanted, Spinel? To get married? You know that sex is essential to any good relationship, right.”

“N-No it’s n-not, I thought y-you were f-fine with hugs, and kisses, and-and cuddles!” she whines.

“You know that won’t satisfy me, Spinel. And you know it’s not what it takes.”

“Not what it takes for w-what—?” she whimpers, but he ignores her doubts— lifting up the bottom of her shirt and prompting her to raise her hands up. 

Spinel trembles a bit as she’s embarrassed to finally expose her breasts for him. She covers them with her arms, crossing her arms over them.

Steven tsks. “Oh, baby, that just won’t do...” he mutters as he lowers her hands down, against her will. “You know I need to see your heart,” he whispers as he places his hand against her head and lowers her down to her pillow, kissing her gently. Parting with her so their lips softly smack, and she sighs as she’s sprawled on the bed, relaxing now, arms wrapped around his neck. 

Maybe this won’t be so bad, after all. 

Steven closes his eyes and sensually trails kissing down her neck, prompting her to raise her chin up and sigh, as he tenderly does so, only to nip at her skin, covering her neck in saliva. Spinel giggles and fidgets a bit—“s-stop— t-that t-tickles, hehehe,” she giggles adorably, hoping Steven would find it cute and hopefully lighten the mood.

Steven sighs apathetically at the sound of that as he kisses her chin— almost impersonally, she feels. 

“Grow up, Spinel.”

Spinel flinches at the sound of that, but he doesn’t notice her, continuing his expedition over her body. He massages her arm as he opens his mouth to broadly lick and nip at her nipple, subtly sucking on it. 

“St-stop, ah... mn...” she softly whines, fidgeting in place. He grips at her wrists, digging his nails onto her so she stays in place.

...Is that what she is now? 

A toy? 

A plaything to Steven?

Is that why this feels so impersonal, as he probes her like this, experimenting with her body, teasing her? 

Is she finally part of a menagerie? 

Nevertheless, he continues— pressing his flat tongue over her breast only to press his lips against it, causing her tit to jiggle as he lets go. He does this repeatedly, agonizing Spinel, who he can tell is in discomfort. 

She can’t help but grind her thighs together, trying to control her arousal as she pants heavily, her chest raising up and down— and Steven smirks as he lowers his body down to her thighs, shimmying her pants down and tossing them to the floor— the sound making her flinch in fear.

She breathes heavily, shutting her eyes as he then grabs the rim of her panty and lifts it up— only to let go of it as it slaps her hip, pinching her— and he does this repeatedly, leaning on top of her so she finally feels his erection, hardly pressing onto her crotch, slinging it up and down only for it to sting her, until the area’s all red. 

He finishes by pressing a wet kiss on her neck— cooling her as she pants dramatically, absolutely doused in sweat— and she pants so much she’s completely soaked her panties, totally wet for him, heaving in and out as she spreads her legs for air. 

“Perfect,” he mutters, as he presses down on her vagina from the outside of her panty— rubbing her in circular motions as he feels her moisture and hears her squishing. Steven grips the sides of her panties and shimmies them down, revealing her vagina— she initially resists, of course, closing her legs, but as she’s so fucking horny, she wants to play so bad, she wants to be used by him so bad, like his mother used her, she gradually opens them again wide for him, totally submitting. She sighs in relief and shifts on the mattress as the cool air hits her crotch.

He presses two fingers onto the surface of her vagina, feeling her soft lips pulse— mimicking a heartbeat— and she whimpers in desperation. He looks up at her to see her sprawled naked, heaving— gripping onto the mattress as she tries to contain herself— wanting to grind against him so, so bad— but conflicted because she knows she wants to stay as innocent as possible from now on. 

What would Heart be without her innocence?

She raises her ass up— trying to press herself onto him, but he stands perfectly still. “Mnnn— mnnm, p-please. You’re r-right there.”

“You can do it on your own, Spinel. I’m not your playmate anymore,” he says as he presses his fingers harder for her to start grinding. And so she does— gradually— sighing in relief as she finally relieves herself, only to go faster as Steven sits there and watches, her gazing at him from across her. 

She closes her eyes, whining loudly as she does so. “Nghr! Nghr! Mnghh! Mngh! MNGH! Mngh! Mmmh! Mmh! Agh, ahm—!” and after a minute, and after Spinel’s dripping wet for him, he inserts two fingers intk her and begins sliding in and out of her— her breath hikes and she nearly wheezes as he pounds harder and harder, making her cry in pain, and she grips at the mattress.

“P-P-Please, p-please, ah, t-that’s too much...!” but as he continues, her cries get worse. “Ow, ow, ow! It— It hurts!” she says as she covers her face, panting. Steven lets go.

Steven sighs as he realizes he needs to take a different approach. 

Steven then scooches beside her to lay down by her— watching Spinel compose herself as she heaves dramatically, sweat trailing down her face. Steven holds her hand, lifting her up and by the arm so he lays on top of him, lying on her back. She’s on top of him, pressed against his chest. Spinel looks up at the chandelier, her vision blurred by the rosy lights.

Steven himself is sweating profusely, sticking onto her, and he takes her wet hair her out of her face and holds her tight like a teddy bear. He plants a plump kiss on her chubby cheek, furrowing his brow as he shuts his eyes to focus, and he gets back to work, trailing a hand down her stomach, tickling her, once again massaging her lips, going vertically multiple times, only to go in circles, going wider and wider, alternating as she sighs loudly. 

Steven then massages her breast next, rubbing into circles as well he does so, and Spinel once again finds herself moaning for him, moisture seeping out of her and into his thighs. “Mm—mhh—mnhhh— yes— ah— ah, so, so sweet, Stevie—“ she whines, totally relaxed in place. 

Steven nuzzles her gently— but he clears his throat, trying to remain aloof and distant as his Diamond self shines through, as his hair is entirely baby pink, finally.

“St-Stop. Being so noisy.”

He then brings three fingers to her mouth and inserts them as he continues rubbing her— and under muffles she moans softly, lying on top of Steven— she can’t help but lick and suck on it a bit, trying to distract herself from the sensations under her— he rubs deeper and more aggressively, and Spinel grinds her hips to match him, and after a few minutes she finally comes for him, Steven concluding by gagging her— and she cries as she nearly chokes.

She starts coughing, prompting him to pull his fingers out, and slides off of him, lying on her stomach against the pillow. Closing her eyes which were stinging so, so bad. She exhales in relief to relieve the subtle stings. 

Spinel takes a small, five minute nap as he stares at her in bed, looking adorable as ever. 

But she can’t go to bed yet. He has to make sure his plan works. 

Steven then inches closer to her and begins fondling her plush ass, rubbing it in circles. She groans into her pillow, practically drooling now. She’s so exhausted. 

But Steven won’t let her sleep, as he grabs her hand and makes her lay on her back— and he lies on top of her, kissing her neck again, waking her up as she flutters her tired eyes open.

“Mmn... what are you doing? Again? I thought was done being your playmate?”

For good, she thought.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. 

Stupid Spinel...

Who is Pink without her playmate?

What’s a Diamond without his servant?

Who’s a master without his slave? 

Steven then lifts himself up and shifts down his underwear, exposing himself to her. Spinel finally gains complete consciousness and softly gasps— closing her legs. 

But Steven simply opens them, positioning himself over her— his cock pressing against her crotch. Spinel shakes her head in desperation, quivering her lips. Her innocence! Sh-She wants to keep it, what little she has!

“I-I don’t w-want t-to,” she whines, sobbing. “I’m n-not ready to do this again like this, p-please.”

“But you’re already so wet for me, Spinel... don’t you want to play?”

Steven caresses her thighs, trying to comfort her... convince her to let him go in, and she gradually relaxes— knowing she’s safe in his arms. That he’ll protect her.

She whimpers as she gives in. 

“Mmnm— mm— ... o-okay.”

“Sh... just remember it’s a game, Spinel,” he says as he inserts himself in her, leaning against her chest, and gradually thrusts. 

Rocking her to sleep, so to speak.

**

Steven lies in bed next to Spinel, cuddling against her— chests pressed against each other as he massages her ass.

“So... do you, uh, feel any different?”

“...Huh?”

“Feel like a different person.”

“... Um. In what way?” 

Does he mean metaphorically or  something?

“Oh, you know... no more vengeful thoughts... no more wanting to kill me in my sleep, no more crude accent...”

“W-What? Accent? You mean Yuna?”

“Yeah! Is she finally gone?”

“G-Gone? What do you m-mean, gone?” 

“I mean... I broke the curse with true love’s kiss, right? Our true love. I thought with my vows, and our wedding, and our uh, bond, just now, t-that we could, you know— push Spade out! Overpower her with your feelings for me, so you can take control of the system, and f-fuse with Clover maybe!”

...

So Yuna was right. Steven really was going to abandon Heart for someone— and that someone is her other self.

“F-Fuse with Clover?” 

“Yeah! Like... be Spinel again! Like you used to be!” he smiles. 

“But. We are Spinel. I’m Spinel.” 

“And... with my vows I was going to solidify that, haha! Smart, no?” 

“Your... your vows? You mean you planned this all from the start?”

“I mean, yeah. How else was I supposed to get the rose from you, and break the spell. Both yours and mine.” 

“So. So. Connie’s r-ring. T-That was planted so I would f-find it, then?” 

Oh. That ring was always in the fridge, wasn’t it. Seems like Steven inconspicuously put it in his desk so Spinel would find it and take it to him, after looking for a pencil or paper or something. 

Knowing she likes to draw, start from scratch.

How incredibly manipulative of him. 

“Y-Yeah, so, so you’d ask about it! ‘Cause it’s so shiny! And then we’d talk about weddings, and then your wedding, and then our wedding... and I thought you’d propose to me first, hah, since you’re so forward and clingy—“ Spinel flinches— “b-but I had to do it to... get the ball goin’, so to speak, heh! Our wedding ball. And, and, I thought our love was so powerful, that we could push Yuna out since she’s so hateful, and she’d leave the system, and I’d break the spell— and you break mine, and we live happily ever after!” 

“Happily... ever after?”

How does this seem like a happy ending, at all, when he used her, Spade, and Clover to try to break his curse? He took advantage of Heart’s childlike curiosity to plant his little “toy” in his desk, knowing it’d pique her interest... he hid the hibiscus and then used Clover so they could exchange flowers, so she’d give him the rose so he could break his spell, and all along he was hoping to finally get rid of Yuna by overpowering her with their love, leaving her, his only obstacle, out of the picture.

How cruel. 

“T-That’s why it felt so rushed. And. And robotic. That’s why your vows were p-perfect, and done so quickly, b-because you planned everything from the start, didn’t you.”

“I... I guess I did.”

“So. So you needed me. Needed us. To break your spell.”

“Yeah, I mean... I had to, Spinel.”

“So. So you were trying to get Yuna, our sister, out of the system just so she couldn’t protect me anymore.”

“Protect you? I’m the one who protects you.”

“T-Then who’s gonna protect me from you?” she blurts out. 

Steven sighs. “Spinel... don’t say that, this— this is great. This is great! We may not have broken our spells, but it’s the step in the right direction.” He puts a fist over his palm, ready to come up with a new plan as he stands up and paces around the bedroom. “Now, all we need to do is kiss the rose with my healing spit, and host a grand wedding to cure your condition for good and we can both get back to living happily ever after. Now... what could work for Yuna. Something about jealousy... something about hate...”

“What... about me?” 

“Huh?” he says as he pauses.

“Is that all you needed me for? To break your curse?” she looks up at him sadly.

“No! Well... sort of, but—“ he stammers as he faces her. 

“Well, what now? I-I did what you wanted. That’s it?”

“Well... yeah. We can just... forget this whole thing ever happened.”

“F-Forget? H-How can I forget my own wedding, hah! Don’t be so s-silly, Stevie! Oh my gosh!” 

Steven rolls his eyes.

“It was a pretend wedding, Spinel. To try to intensify your feelings for me so I could get rid of Yuna.”

“And— and then get rid of me, is that it—?” she starts hyperventilating.

He ignores her question.

“It was just a game, Spinel. A playdate. A fantasy. Pretend. Don’t you like games, Spinel?”

“N-Not this one! I don’t wanna play this g-game, anymore!” she cries. “I wanted to get married! At least... that’s what I... thought,” she says as she looks up at him, betrayed.

“I told you to forget about it, Hana. Once we break this curse and fuse your personalities, I’m marrying Spinel.”

Hana gasps.

“I’m sorry, but I’m done with your alters and your condition. I can’t... marry a little girl,” he winces, shutting his eyes. “Or a rapist.”

Uh, wasn’t Steven super close to raping her tonight? 

Steven concludes, staring directly at Spinel. “I’m asking you to forget.”

“...Forget? How you gonna forget with me around? I'm the  source of all your problems— you want to be with the host! Don't pretend you want me here. What's your plan for me, huh? You gonna put me somewhere? You gonna leave me,  somewhere? You gonna leave me  alone?!”  she whines as she brings her hands to her chest, trembling. 

“Hana...”

“Is—Is that why we’re back on Homeworld, back in the palace? You gonna rejuvinate me? Put me away again, b-back in the garden?” she stands in front of the bed.

“Spinel, no—“

Steven tries to hold her by the arms to calm her down, but she abruptly pushes him off. 

Spinel quickly blinks, and instantly switches alters, changing accents.

Spade opens her eyes after shutting them for a moment, and growls at Steven, gritting her teeth. She clenches her fists.

“Well, well, well, well, well, you REALLY THOUGHT YOU COULD GET RID A’ ME AS EASY AS YA’ COULD IN THE FUCKING GARDEN, DIDN’T CHA PINK! THOUGHT YA’D TRY BREAKING HANA AGAIN? PLAY ONE FINAL GAME?”

“Spinel, no, that’s not it!”

“‘We can just forget this ever happened’”? You mean,  I can just forget this ever happened! Hahahaha, hohohohoh— Wow! What a plan! I let’cha be with Hana for good, an’ we finally make amends, and then the moment my back is turned, Bam! Presto! Change-o! PROBLEM SOLVED!” she yells with dramatic hand motions, only to pick up her clothes. 

“Well, think again— you're not getting rid a me that easy...!” she whines as she hikes her panties up and puts on her shirt.

Spinel shoves him off and bolts out the door, running as fast as she can down the hallway to the nearest warp pad. She leaps onto it, and begins stomping on it aggressively as she sees it’s not teleporting her out back to Earth.

“W-What!” she stomps harder, repetitively. “Why! Isn’t! It! Working!” She jumps up and down with both her feet, slamming against it. “WORK! WORK! WORK! YOU PIECE OF SHIT! UGH! UGH! UGH! UGH!” 

Spinel gasps as she hears footsteps near her— more than one— and she keeps stomping in desperation. She’s looking down at her feet, putting all her energy into getting the warp pad to work again. 

Multiple feet surround her, she sees, and she looks up to see Steven surrounded by a trio of Ruby guards.

He tilts his head up and glares up at her— revealing his rosy eyes— securing his silk gloves in place as he’s now fully dressed as Pink Diamond.

Starting from scratch.

“You’re not going anywhere, Spinel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❗️❗️ SOMEONE DID A VOICEOVER OF CHAPTER ONE, VOICING SPINEL. PLEASE LISTEN AND COMMENT YOUR REACTION HERE!!! 
> 
> https://youtu.be/D-AF36S5pqM
> 
> ❗️❗️❗️❗️  
> I MADE FANART!!!! https://www.instagram.com/p/CDvT3Z9FSoe/?igshid=1stt6a519etco
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CDwskKBlQCx/?igshid=17cqw9soho8ac


	85. I’ll Show You How It’s Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven teaches Spinel a new game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [PROOFD ENJOY]
> 
> THE FIC HAS A NEW NAME: SOLITAIRE!
> 
> why?  
> • this fic was meant to be a series of one-shots, less than 25 chapters, with no real story. i named the fic after found, as spinel sings it in the first chapter, and that was it. no deep attachment to the actual story.  
> • so now that this fic has a plot, i feel that solitaire is perfect. the four suits— heart, diamond, spade, clover— the never ending game of patience— the cards’ connection to alice in wonderland and the queen of hearts, a fairytale— and the presence of the joker card, as well as the ace— the most important card.  
> • since the fic has a lotta angst and violence and plot-twists i felt it sounded mysterious and fitting for the story! x3
> 
> —
> 
> • i’m considering making a discord for this fic! channels to discuss the latest chapter, discuss the fic, generally talk about steven, spinel, and steven universe, etc! if youd be interested please comment so below— so i know enough people are interested and i’ll link it in a future chapter.

“You ain’t goin’ nowhere, Stev’n Univ’rse!” 

Huh?

”Yoohoo!”

_Oh, it’s her again. Great._

Steven groans as he hops off the dysfunctional warp pad in the halls of the palace. He had just been visiting the Diamonds after being away for three months after going on his trip through the U.S.

He had gone up and down the east coast, and decided to take a break and take a pit-stop to Beach City to visit the gems and his friends.

As well as his family. 

His new, other-family: the Diamonds, a trio of intergalactic rulers who nearly drove the galaxy to ruin after their eons-long dictatorial and totalitarian rule. 

They were murderers, shatterers, and tyrants— a breed of imperialist and conquerers destined to dominate and control others. 

But Steven himself would never become that. 

Right. 

At least he thinks he never will— and he’ll make sure of it, the farther he stays from Homeworld and the Diamonds, and the closer to the Earth. 

He had just visited Yellow Diamond, exploring the halls, but it seems that someone else was out and about, too.

She gasps as he turns around to face her, his backpack slinging on his arm as he grips it. 

“Steven!” gasps Spinel as she lunges into his arms— giving him a tight, tight, squeeze— _hhhnnnggg_ — only to immediately let go and cup his chubby cheeks, _smoochin’ him rite in tha’ kissa’!_ as Spinel would say. 

He can’t help but avert his gaze and groan in annoyance— gritting his teeth as he chuckles lifelessly. “Oh, uh, he-e-e-ey, Spinel,” he raises his arm up weakly as she finally parts, waving. She seems ecstatic to see him, cheerfully humming to herself as she swings her legs.

She grins at him widely— albeit creepily— and Steven cringes at the sight of her hideous scars, which disgustingly stain her cheeks pitch black. 

_She wasn’t exactly the fairest of them all now, was she._

And here she was again, seeing him again at the palace, awaiting his arrival, meeting like clockwork.

She got Yellow Pearl to hack his calendar app so she can see it through a tablet. 

He arrived just in time for Spinel to find him, as he planned to visit the Diamonds today.

Just in time. 

𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟕 - 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐭-𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞.

“Hey, buddy, I hadn’t seen ya in a while! It’s been like... what, three months, twenty three days, an’ 17 hours since ya last visited, or somethin,’ hah? I missed you!” she then flinches as she realizes she was being too forward too soon. “Missed killin’ ya, that is,” s he coughs, covering her mouth with a gloved fist.

That’s funny, right!

At least she found that entertaining.

Well, isn’t that just... _swell_. His new “best friend,” Spinel is here to greet him just as he planned to leave— hoping he could avoid her this time.

Steven coughs awkwardly, uncomfortable with the reminder of the traumatizing memory of her dangling him off the injector, and also creeped out at the fact that she’s been counting the days since he left and last saw her. “Uh. Yeah. —cough— I kind of. Went... on vacation for a bit.”

“Ooh, a vacation!” she gasps, her voice raspier than ever. “Why didn’t cha invite me—?!” 

Steven smiles fakely. _Oh, you know, so you don’t try to follow me. Or track me down so you can murder me in the woods. Hah._

“Oh, uh. Well. It was sort of supposed to be my own personal journey, _alone_...” he emphasizes, trying to make it clear that he wasn’t want anybody— especially _her_ — coming with.  I’m planning to explore all 39 states in America, but after exploring most of the east coast I decided to return home for a few days and visit family here.”

“Family—? You mean like m—?”

“Yeah. Like the Diamonds,” he says a bit uncertainly. He doesn’t consider them family— but _they_ do, despite everything they’ve done to him and his mother.

How could he ever love someone who hurt him, his Crystal Gems, and his planet him so cruelly?

(Oof, that stings.)

Spinel looks down in disappointment.  She knew it was too good to be true. 

Even though she’s also Pink’s, Steven  will never see her as family, she’s decided. Just as the corrupt, psychotic gem who tried to kill him and his planet. She’s amazed he even makes an effort to talk to her, or give her any attention, after everything. He doesn’t owe her anything.

Spinel knows he doesn’t like her.

And she knows he’s just pretending to be nice, so she doesn’t lash out at him. But thankfully her outbursts have been diminishing, gradually. Thanks to Blue’s clouds and emotional support, healing her trauma and disordered personality. Helping her forget her traumatic memories, one trip to the sky at a time.

But Spinel knows she’ll never be able to recover from her trauma and abuse. Instead, she just hopes to keep the lonely Blue Diamond company as she still mourns her daughter.

Like Pink, Spinel now also had a close, mother-daughter relationship with Blue.

But she knows it’ll never be the same. And she knows that Blue will never see Spinel as more than Pink’s little playmate, her lost treasure— a consolation prize after Steven rejected the Diamonds’ invitation to live in Homeworld.

But she has nowhere to go, and with Steven out on a trip of self-discovery, she has no choice but to stay with the Diamonds. 

Steven contacts the Diamonds sometimes, and Spinel overhears their conversations, and she can’t help but actually find interest in that nowhere planet, based off all the adventures Steven has there with the Gems.

Spinel looks down, hands behind her back, swinging her foot.

“So... ya didn’t think ta’ tell me you were leaving?”

“Um... no? I didn’t think I had to.” 

“But... I thought we was friends?” she whines softly. Steven can’t help but groan— how is he gonna break this off easy for her.

“Hah. Um. Not. Really, Spinel. I have my friends in Beach City... my, uh, real friends. You’re just —sigh— you’re just different. You’re different from those friends. S-Sorry.”

_Real friends?_

“So, so, that’s it?” she whimpers. 

“I guess? I don’t really get why you feel I owe you anything. I helped you start over again and make new friends with the Diamonds, like I promised, and admittedly, after everything, I hope we can just keep a safe distance from now on. Prepare to go our seperate ways, officially.”

Spinel flinches— and she brings her hands to her chest as her heart sinks. “Mn... but I thought we were best friends?” she mumbles. 

“Spinel, you were my mother’s ‘best friend’,” he rolls his eyes. “I’m not my mom. I’m not Pink Diamond. I’m Steven. I’m not obligated to befriend you just because she was.”

He’s doing this because Spinel belonged to his mother, reminding him too much of her.

“So you’re givin’ up on us?”

“What... ‘us?’ There was never an ‘us’ in the first place. You decided to go with the Diamonds after I invited you to stay with me and the Gems, and you decided to go with them. You already chose your side,” he scoffs, a bit pissed off at her actions. “Hope you’re enjoying your new life in a luxurious palace, free of any real responsibility, while all of the gems you tried to kill are forced to rebuild Beach City after you literally destroyed it.”

Spinel cringes, and laughs lifelessly. 

“From when I tried to kill your planet? Oh, that was so embarassing. I was just a wreck back then— I’m doing so much better now!” she waves her arm nonchalantly. Steven squints at her in confusion. 

“Um, I know, Spinel. You already said that to me. Last time.” 

She shakes her head. “...I did?” 

Gee, looks like Blue’s clouds really took a number on her. How much has she been smoki— I mean inhaling?

“Yeah. But— it’s whatever. It’s fine. Everything’s fine. You know what, it was for the best. If you had come with, you would’ve just wrecked the place even more and made things worse. It’s fine.”

Why is he so cruel?

Spinel looks down, ashamed. Steven’s scolding her a lot like his mother would do to her... she scowls at the thought. 

“So you really did just need me ta’ turn off my injecta’. I was right. And you did leave me. And you did leave me somewhere. And, and you did leave me alone. Just as I suspected you would. Tch.”

“Spinel... it’s not like that...—“ he murmurs as he tries to reach out to her, and she just flicks his hand away, looking away— her face heating up as she’s trying not to cry. 

“Exactly like she did.”

Steven freezes— as he hates being compared to her, especially in reference to something horrible she did in the past— he couldn’t stand it anymore.

He tenses up, and glows pink— “Don’t twist the situation, Spinel,” he mutters behind gritted teeth, clenching his fists. 

“ _You’re_ the one who left me, you’re the one who left me somewhere, and you’re the one who left me alone. St-Stop comparing me to my mother just to paint me as the bad guy, when you had the opportunity to stay with me when I asked. The Crystal Gems didn’t want _you_ to come, specifically—“ he points, and Spinel flinches— “even though they’ve welcomed hundreds of gems to Beach City— but I’m the only one who’s given you a chance. But I see you don’t appreciate my help.”

Spinel crosses her arms, pouting as she looks down. Steven gets frustrated as he sees he’s not getting to her.

“And— and, maybe you’re the one who’s actually more like her. Have you ever thought about that—“ and Spinel gasps.

Steven covers his mouth— shit— “W-Wait. Wait. No, I’m. That came out wrong, I didn’t mean to say that—!” 

Spinel simply stomps away bitterly back to her quarters. “I know damn well what ‘cha meant.”

Steven sighs. He was gonna run after her, but he should give her some space. Instead he’ll just visit White again, knowing she’ll desperately call him a day later for another visit from him.

** 

Two hours had passed, and Steven finally concluded his visit to the Diamonds— and as he planned, he was going to visit Spinel to check up on her before he left.

He stands behind the door and knocks— to the tune of the intro of _Found_ , of course, so she knows it’s him. 

Spinel had been uh...  forcing the pebbles to clean for her.

Not a very nice Cinderella, good Cinderella, or kind Cinderella now, was she.

Unlike Steven.

Never mind, Cinderella.

Spinel opens the door for him— and the pebbles below her start squeaking, so she shoves them away with her foot so Steven doesn’t get distracted with them. He came to visit her, right? So what’s the harm?

She grins behind gritted teeth, posing awkwardly. 

“H-e-ey, Ste—“ she admittedly was quite pleased and touched that he came to check up on her despite her outburst, but she remembered she was still mad at him, so she plays hard to get. “What do ya want, Univ’rse,” she says monotonously. 

“Hey, Spinel. I’m sorry to bother you, but... I wanted to show you a game before I left for Beach City.” 

“A g-game?” 

Uh... Spinel. Doesn’t really like the sound of a new game with the bearer of Pink Diamond’s gem.

“Hah, yeah. I know how much you like them— and since you’re kind of on your own now, I thought you’d like this one,” he mumbles as he takes out a small box from his backpack.

“It’s Solitaire.”

“Solitaire?” 

“Yeah, Solitaire. It’s a card game played on Earth, with one player. I wanted to teach it to you. I think you’ll like it.”

“O-Okay,” she says as she lets him in and shuts the door behind him. 

“Great, let’s sit,” he says as he crosses his legs and sits on the floor, beside Spinel as she follows. She can’t help but blush as she’s right beside him. 

He begins his explanation.

“Here in the palace,” he says as he opens the box and pulls out the cards, shuffling the cards.

“Let's play a game.  I'll show you how it's done,” he tells her as he places the cards down, preparing her for her first game of Solitaire.

_Here in the garden..._

“Stand very still,” he tells her as she keeps fidgeting, like she usually does when she’s around him.

“This'll be so much fun!” cheers Spinel as he finishes setting it up, placing the deck down for her to play. 

He explains to her the rules of the game— how the goal is to set the cards in a specific order in rows, initiated by the Ace, and followed by the Heart, the Spade, the Clover, and the Diamond from two to ten— then the Joker, the King, and Queen, and finally, the Ace.

Spinel can’t help but notice a pattern occuring. She points at the King and Queen— an inseperable duo. 

“Yellow and Blue?”

“Huh?”

Then she points to the Ace— the most prestigious and rare card. 

“White.”

Spinel then points at the Joker— shown with a smile and a crying face on its illustration.

Much like Pink, who bottled up her emotions only to conceal them with a smile, determined to make her family smile instead.

Much like Steven, who bottled up his emotions only to conceal them with a smile, determined to make his family happy instead.

And much like Spinel, who bottled up her emotions only to conceal them with a smile, determined to make her “family” happy instead.

Seems like they’re all jokers in their own way, aren’t they? Pink, Steven, and Spinel all served as court jesters and entertainers to their families in different contexts.

If only the three of them could see this and create their own family instead. 

Wouldn’t that be just swell. 

“I’ll show you how it’s done,” reminds Steven, and Spinel watches his hands intently.

Would he like to hold hers, someday?

As Steven plays the game with a demonstration, Spinel feels obliged to ask him how he discovered it.

“So uh... how’d ya find this game?”

“Oh. Well it’s a pretty common game on Earth, a total classic, but this deck was actually my mom’s. My dad found it in storage in a box of old boardgames . He told me she’d play it to focus before making an important decision or something like that. It’s probably my favorite game... and you can play it as one player, and it’s portable, so I decided to take it with me on my trip. That’s why it was in my bag, hah. I like to play it at the end of the day, after camping out by a cliffside or after staying at a motel or something. Only to play it again in the morning before heading out for another trip.”

As he concludes the round, he takes the deck and licks his finger so he can shuffle the cards with ease. 

After he’s done doing so, he passes them to Spinel.

“Here. Now it’s your turn,” he can’t help but chuckle as he’s referencing what she said to him when she was reset. 

But she doesn’t ever remember saying that to him, does she.

Spinel picks it up, and can’t help but feel icked out by the saliva on it. 

“Oh, uh. Sorry, hah.”

“It’s s’chool,” she says as she takes the cards and puts them in their positions, so she can play herself. Steven watches.

“Solitaire is real easy, and it goes on forever. A real test of patience, w-which is super helpful for my, um, outbursts. I can play rounds and rounds of this game, it really clears my mind and helps me concentrate before heading out on the road again. It’s like, uh. Hm. How do I put this.”

“Maybe it’s like a puzzle,” she suggests, nudging him, giving him a wink. 

“Yeah! That’s it— exactly like a puzzle. Of course,” he replies as she continues. It seems she’s quickly picked up the game. 

“I’ll show you how it’s done,” she says instead.

It’s her game, after all. 

She _is_ the Joker. 

Would the Ace of Diamonds like to play with the Joker forever, perhaps? 

Now’s her time to press him about his unannounced departure.

“Why’d ya decide ta’ leave Beach City, Uni? I thought you _loved_ that place,” she says as she rolls her eyes, recalling how he didn’t decide to come with her to Homeworld despite the Diamonds’ insistence.

Why would he give up that life of luxury to live on that nowhere planet, anyway? Steven could continue Pink Diamond’s legacy and bring joy and entertainment to Homeworld again— that was why the other Spinels werecreated, after all. Sure, Pink needed a playmate, but ultimately they were all created to kickstart an operation to bring music, dance, and art to the planet’s regimented society, hoping the Diamonds could finally make her happy at home.

We all know how that story goes. 

And Spinel doesn’t really like how it ends. She wishes Steven could do something about it, but instead he’s off playing lost boy back on Earth— like Pink! Wonderful! 

She finishes playing and shuffles the deck for him, licking her fingers. Staining the cards alongside his magical spit.

Is... Steven responsible for creating all the timelines? He did just lick the card to pick it up— does this mean he brought them all to life, perhaps? 

“Oh. That’s a long story, hah,” he replies. 

“I don’t mind listening,” she murmurs.

Maybe it’ll end with him finally returning to her, living in Homeworld and fulfilling his magical destiny as the Prince of Homeworld. 

And they could get married. And— and maybe their children could be the pebbles— she’s already named all 59 of them. 

Oh, she’d definitely hear that story over and over again. 

Now. 

It seems have Cinderella and the White Rabbit, two characters bound by time, guided by a clocktower and a stopwatch, playing several rounds of Solitaire like clockwork. 

The two find themselves shuffling the deck repeatedly, creating various distinct endings to the game utilizing Steven’s licked cards, enchanted by Steven’s Diamond magic— and finally mixed with Spinel’s spit, binding them together permanently. 

What could possibly go wrong? 

Steven watches her play.

“Well. I just realized that I had never actually... left Beach City. I’ve been on vacation a few times— and traveled the galaxy, but I had never actually... been on my own...” he pauses. 

Steven grabs the rim of his t-shirt and pulls it up, exposing his diamond. “...Literally.”

Spinel immediately gulps and tenses up— she gets goosebumps and her hair instantly frizzes up.

She hadn’t seen it since— since— “is—is that—“

Steven pulls it down. “Yeah.” 

Spinel composes herself so Steven can continue. 

Why did she react that way to Steven’s gem. She doesn’t... care about Pink anymore. Why should she, after everything she did to her. 

At the reminder of Steven being Pink Diamond’s son, Spinel would usually lash out at him and send him out the door. 

She doesn’t care if he’s not Pink Diamond— she’s not risking it and she’s not giving him second chances. 

But as she glances at him as he continues playing cards, so eagerly, as they help him recall his recent trips, ones he’s enjoyed so much, she can’t help but be reminded of all of Pink’s good attributes. 

How child-like she is, how excitable she is, how much she loved to play games with Spinel, when she did— how much she loved music, like Steven, and how they both have the habit of rolling their eyes and blowing their hair out of their face when they’re so adorably mad, and— she concludes her game anxiously, bringing all the cards together shakily, stacking them— she passes them to Steven as she holds her breath— shockwaves pulse through her body as he grazes her hand as he does so, taking the cards from her.

Spinel looks up at him and parts her mouth as Steven finds himself giggling, smiling. 

“Hah. You’re having fun, aren’t you?” 

Spinel freezes, holding her hands to her chest— feeling like they’re stuck in time, only to rewind as she finally realizes he smiles exactly like Pink. 

_ And then he smiled, _

_ That's what she’s after. _

_ A smile in his eyes _

_ The sound of his laughter. _

Steven goes back to his game and Spinel sighs in relief, as it feels like time’s back to normal. Seeing him smile and laugh like that, so much like Pink...

That felt magical.

She loved to make him smile.

Steven has his palm pressed on the floor beside Spinel, her hand beside his. She... she’s so close, she thinks— and so she slowly trails her fingers on the floor to bring her palm to his hand, perhaps he’d let her hold it— perhaps he’d want to hold hers— and she holds her breath as she’s about to tap his skin with a sole finger and—

And then he gets a phonecall. 

“Oh. One— one— moment.”

Spinel screeches and instantly retracts her hand away from his— and he simply grunts as he lifts himself up. She sighs in relief as he didn’t notice her.

She swears she can hear Steven quietly squealing, feeling giddy about something— or someone. He clears his throat and deepens his voice, trying to play it cool.

“He-e-ey, Connie,” he says as his face instantly perks up, and Spinel can’t help but feel bad. 

Why can’t Spinel make him that happy, so quickly, and so effortlessly? 

What’s so special about Connie, his other friend?

Steven whispers at Spinel. “Spinel, I’m gonna take this call real quick. Stand very still— I’ll be right back,” he says as he picks up and backpack and swiftly heads out the door. 

Uh. Why’d he take his bag? 

But Spinel didn’t notice he did that, instead just looking down in shame. 

Instead she just stays in place, awaiting his arrival so they can finish their game. 

Steven walks down the hallways with his bags, phone in hand. “Cons, thankgod you called. I was at Homeworld and the Diamonds were unbearable again...”

“And Spinel?” she giggles, trying not to crack up. “Still creepily staring at you when you see each other?”

Steven snorts. “You know it.”

The both say in unison— “the usual!”

And then they finally burst out laughing together, with Steven stomping on the warp pad, sighing in relief to finally be away from Spinel— hopefully for good.

He was getting sick of that game anyway. 

And so he drifts away, saying goodbye to Homeworld. 

And hopefully Spinel, for good.

_Happy to listen._

_Happy to play._

_Happily watching him drift..._

_Away._

** 

Several hours had passed, and it was well past night-time. Spinel remained perfectly in place, waiting for Steven. 

Steven really showed Spinel how it’s done, huh.

She starts to tear up, quivering her lips.

She picks up the cards, stacking them— ready to throw them out in the trash for good.

But suddenly, someone lightly taps on the open door— and Spinel finally moves, after so much stillness, and sees Volleyball daintily skip towards her, gracefully seating herself across from her with a warm smile.  Warmer than Steven’s, perhaps.

“Can I play with you, Spinel?” she asks cheerfully. But— but Spinel just swore she’d wait for Steven, her best friend—

“B-But, b-but, my—“ 

Volleyball simply stands very still, so excited to enjoy her break from serving White Diamond by spending time with Spinel. 

Spinel looks down at the cards scattered at the floor, and picks up the Ace of Diamonds.

She crumples it in her fists, crushing it with her fingers— only to flick it off her hand and send it flying across the room.

Pearl doesn’t quite understand why she did that, but she’s willing to play without it anyway.

She doesn’t wanna play with the Diamond anymore, she’s decided. 

Spinel sighs and finally hands her the cards, smiling back at her— trying to conceal her sadness at the loss of her best friend, who abandoned her again. 

“Of course, Pearli.”

“Thank you, Spinel,” Pearl says as she begins shuffling the deck for them. 

Spinel rubs the back of her neck, grinning shyly at her new Ace.

The old one’s gone now, isn’t he? So what’s the harm?

“Aw, gee...” she chuckles, blushing.

_What are friends for?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, please decide how youll approach the fic from now on. this fic isnt meant to be episodic, where i intend to wow my readers with a new chapter. this is me updating my story every week so i have the satisfaction of completing a novel LMAO. so i suggest you all wait a day or two until chapters are posted that way you avoid retcons and inconsistencies that may confuse you.
> 
> ❗️❗️  
> I MADE ART!!!!!!!!!  
> ✖️  
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CDx2_9GF5sn/?igshid=1fb7jdlcmc874  
> ✖️  
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CDx0zpJltMX/?igshid=3sfnrgp2d4t4  
> ✖️  
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CDybRcclDEu/?igshid=14kkk2bprml6s  
> ✖️  
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CDzWbAkFGGH/?igshid=1m867ewrbszrb
> 
> WHICH DRAWING IS UR FAV ❓
> 
> edit: i made an error and accidentally made steven say “here in the garden.” it was meant to be in italics.


	86. [Update + New Fic]

KONANACHIWA!!!!!!!!!

wrow it has been... a while lol. this fic hasn’t been updated since august, and we’re just now nearing december... nearly five months without solitaire... wacky stuff 

anyway the reasons why i wuznt updating was:

  * i was writers blocked and burnt out after writing like 80 chapters in 2 months lmfaoodmsk
  * i was dealing with my abusive dad who kept taking my electronics, generally busy with life, i had to go to group therapy and i got diagnosed with bipolar disorder finally 
  * the bipolar disorder explains the whole me writing 80 chapters in two months lmao. that wuz pure mania babey! 
  * i deadass did not have signal or wifi for a month and its still faulty lmao. i didnt have wifi yesterday, and all day today my phone signal was crap. i enrolled for uni just to drop out bc i just didnt have fucking signal... just quarantine tingz 
  * i wanted to let the fic breathe... wanted to let people enjoy the 80 chapters... let them take their time to read it and reread it... ya kno 
  * ive been drawing like crazy. my instagram is [midnightspinel](instagram.com/midnightspinel), all my stevinel, spinel, and steven art is there 
  * so yeah huge hiatus from writing, friendship with solitaire ended now drawing is my new best friend 
  * the fic will continue to be on hiatus i just really havent felt like writing sorry lol (hence why im typing in literal bullet points instead of taking the time to meticulously craft an explanation for my absence) 
  * i need to read the entire fic and proofread (this is so cringe for me, reading my shit is so cringy, so im procrastinating, i hate myself) before continuing 



anyway since the current point of the fic involves diamond steven and the palace i was sorta considering putting this fic on pause, and starting a new one to avoid reusing ideas. this new one will be a diamond steven au. 

the au is basically: 

  * the gem war never happened and pink diamond never became rose quartz
  * pink diamond failed to colonize the earth and the humans drove her out— pink was abused for years by the diamonds and ridiculed for her military and colonial defeat 
  * pink grew to despise humans and collected them for her zoo to torture them— pink diamond fell in love with one of her zooman (greg, who was kidnapped as a teenager after going out for a gig) and they had a child— one intended to help bridge the divide between humans and gems after greg taught her the beauty of humanity and the earth 
  * steven was born albeit as defective as his gem orientation is that of a rose quartz. steven was abused by the diamonds but also spoiled rotten by his servants and pearls, thus bratty diamond steven 
  * at age 16 after being told stories about the earth by his father, steven begged to visit the earth but the diamonds had another idea— pink’s garden, filled with greenery that resembled the earths’... completely forgetting that spinel had been abandoned and lost 
  * pearl escorts steven to the garden, steven encounters spinel— he rescues her— but she doesnt recognize him as pink diamond because of his gem orientation 
  * steven takes her to the palace— spinel doesn’t rlly process that he’s royalty she just believes he’s a servant or elite or whatever— freshens her up and when a pearl refers to him as pink diamond... 
  * the little, sweet scared spinel transforms into the violent joker were so familiar with... and attacks steven, nearly killing him. 
  * the guards step in and take spinel away— a week passes and the diamonds are conflicted about what to do with her, since she was a memento of pink— plus steven’s tantrums and diamond outbursts were getting worse and he needed to be pacified— so they decide to rejuvinate her
  * spinel gets rejuvinated, and at 16, begins pink diamonds life with his new spinel, whose memories of her past have been wiped :]
  * the diamonds push the idea of spinel being stevens sister like rlly rlly bad lmao cuz they fetishize this whole human relationships thing
  * in this fic i sorta wanna explore like........ step-sibling incest if that makes sense ? “like ummm were supposed to be like... siblings now but i kinda wanna fuck you and push all my sexual frustration onto you because youre the only girl i know whos submissive and willing ha ha help ?”
  * however, there’s a twist... one night, an intruder breaks into the palace while theyre asleep, with intentions to kidnap/assassinate pink diamond...... who could it b???!!!!
  * ok thats the synopsis lol. thoughts? 



thats me next fic. :P it’ll be called Homeworld Bound 

uhhh so yeah thats the update 

tldr: look at my art instagram, fics still on hiatus, i need to proofread, new fic coming soon

goodbaiiiii :] 

(please comment so i kno whos still checking up on this fic lol </3)

and thanks for 13,000 weeeeeeeee


	87. [I'm proofreading]

Hi. 

As I said before, I finally got a computer. 

I had been writing Solitaire on my phone the entire fucking time, all 86 chapters; I proofread to the best of my ability, but even then there will always be errors. 

I'm starting the final proofreading process... but afterwards I'm not sure if I'll continue writing for a while. The SU and Stevinel fandom is dead, and that reflects the activity on my fic. Feedback and comments are really important to me, and motivate me to continue. So if you're still in touch with this fic, please comment so I have a reason to continue. :( 


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